


it’s always ourselves that we find in the sea

by lostariels



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blind Character, F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-03-20 17:22:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 178,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13722459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostariels/pseuds/lostariels
Summary: Recently fired, homeless and single, Kara returns back home to Midvale, feeling the need to escape National City for a while, to deal with the feeling of failure as she scrambles to get her life back on track. But after a miscommunication with a stranger on the edge of a cliff, Kara finds herself enamoured by the strange blind woman and her passion for music, and she might be just what Kara needs to pick herself back up.





	1. Chapter 1

_You’re fired._

 

            Kara’s cheeks burned as she ducked her head down, walking through the office with a cardboard box full of her things, Snapper Carr’s words still ringing in her ears. She avoided Eve’s pitying look, staring down at her notepad, a few words scrawled down for the story she’d been working on, her favourite mug with the little chip on the rim, a few pens and a framed photo of her, Alex and Eliza. Struggling to push the button for the elevator, her arms full and her shoulder weighed down by her satchel, Kara waited for the doors to part, feeling the burning gaze of everyone in the office.

 

            After what felt like far too long for the elevator to make the ride from the ground floor up to the top, the doors parted, and Kara quickly climbed in, fumbling for the button for the ground floor. Just before the doors shut, she looked up, furiously blushing as she caught everyone looking at her, grateful for the quiet clattering noise as the doors blocked her from view and she began the lurching descent to the bottom floor. She couldn’t help but wallow in her misery with each floor she passed, feeling angry and bitter and wrongfully treated. The story had been important, and maybe she shouldn’t have gone behind Snapper’s back and published it herself, but he should’ve listened to her in the first place. Losing her job was a hard blow, she wouldn’t deny it, and she had to blink back tears as she shamefully walked through the lobby of CatCo, feeling like a failure. All she’d ever wanted was to write the truth, and that’s what she’d tried to do, and now look where it had landed her.

 

            Standing at the bus stop, Kara couldn’t help but feel miserable, watching businessman and women in expensive suits and dresses take breaks, or the hotdog vendor and the guy selling newspapers from the stack at his feet. None of them were unemployed. Even more embarrassing was the fact that she was holding all of her work stuff in a box, for everyone to see, a universal sign that someone had just lost their job, and Kara could almost feel the pitying or judgemental looks shot her way, although she never actually saw anyone paying her any attention. Left alone to her misery, she waited patiently for the bus to arrive - she had nowhere else she needed to be right now - and took a seat by the window, her belongings rattling around in the box with each bump of the bus, while Kara stared out of the dirty window, watching everyone go about their lives.

 

            She got home to the sound of the TV drifting through the door, frowning as she fished her key out of her bag and unlocked the door, pushing it open to reveal a pile of bags near the door. Blinking in surprise when she realised that the blue duffel bag was hers, Kara kicked the door shut behind her and walked over to the kitchen counter to set down her box of stuff.

 

            “Mike?” she called out, taking in the apartment, which was considerably more empty than it had been when she’d left this morning. Gone were her books and framed photos, her trinkets and decorative pillows for the sofa. Left behind were the sports trophies and signed baseballs, the Xbox, and a stack of video games haphazardly lined up on her empty bookshelves.

 

            The sound of footsteps from their screened off bedroom reached her ears, and a moment later, Mike was standing in the opening, one of her flannel shirts held in his hands. “What’s all this?” Kara slowly asked, gesturing vaguely around the room.

 

            “I didn’t think you’d be home until later,” Mike slowly replied, a guilty look on his face as he stared at her. He had that lost, innocent look on his face that he always did when he was trying to shun the blame off himself, and Kara was already drained from her confrontation with Snapper at work, and the subsequent firing, and was in no mood to deal with whatever Mike was skirting around telling her.

 

            “Why is all my stuff packed up?” Kara asked, her voice dangerously low as she gave him a hard look.

 

            Sighing, Mike folded the shirt in half and walked over to the sofa, sitting down and setting the shirt down beside him, wearily running a hand over his short beard. Kara hated that beard, but no matter how much she tried to get him to shave it, he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t do anything for her. She did the cooking and the laundry, even when he was unemployed and had done nothing but play video games all day, and now, even when his shift had finished, he was always hanging around the dive bar they went to. They barely even saw each other anymore, working on opposite schedules, both of them too tired to even try and make more that small talk when they got in from work, and Kara knew what was coming. She wasn’t an idiot, and just like a box of a few office belongings meant she’d been fired, she knew her packed bags by the door meant she was being dumped.

 

            “Listen, Kara,” Mike started, “I know things between us aren’t how you’d like them to be, and I feel that way too. It’s just- it’s not working out. We’re both busy with our jobs-“

 

            “Mike, you work in a _bar_ ,” Kara spluttered, “how busy can you really be?” She didn’t tell him she’d lost her job; if this was going how she thought it would, which it clearly was, then he had no right to know about the fact that she’d been fired. She didn’t want him pitying her, because she knew he’d be too much of a coward to leave her if he knew that she’d be homeless, without a means to rent a new place. “What’s her name?” Kara softly asked, too tired to even bring herself to be angry.

 

            He let out a confused laugh, giving Kara a shaky smile. “What?”

 

            Closing her eyes, Kara shook her head as she took a deep breath. “Come on, Mike. I’m not an idiot. I’ve been trying to fix things for months, and you haven’t tried at all. This isn’t just some snap decision you’ve made, so tell me what her name is? You wouldn’t leave unless you had a reason too.”

 

            Clearing his throat slightly, he looked down at his hands, his voice quiet and cowed when he meekly replied, “her name is Imra.”

 

            “Imra,” Kara repeated, testing the name out. It was unusual - pretty - and she couldn’t help but wonder what she had that Kara didn’t. Did she wear tight fitting dresses to Kara’s pastel cardigans? Maybe she didn’t need to wear glasses, and she listened to rock music and drank cheap beer at the bar with him. “How long?”

 

            “Two months,” he admitted.

 

            Walking over to him, Kara paused for a moment, before snatching up her shirt - it was one of her favourites, the material worn and soft, in pale pink and blue - and she immediately turned around and walked over to her stuff. Hauling the blue duffel bag onto her shoulder, she bent down to try and scoop up a box, which was too heavy, and assumed that it held her missing books.

 

            “Here, let me help you,” Mike offered, jumping to his feet and crossing over to her. Kara jerked out of his way, watching as he picked up the box, looking her in the eye for the first time since she’d walked into the apartment. She could see a flicker of guilt there, and yet more pity, and Kara felt a twist of anger in her stomach.

 

            “Don’t bother. I’ll send Alex over to collect it,” she hoarsely replied, blinking back tears as she avoided looking at him. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of crying in front of him, so she swallowed the lump in her throat and pulled open the door, “if there’s anything else, just mail it to me.”

 

            Rushing out of the apartment, struggling with the weight of her bags as she made the awkward walk down the stairs - the elevator had been out of order for a few days - Kara left behind her home, fighting back tears with each step. It stung to be dumped by someone, especially someone like Mike, who, if she was being honest, had nagged her until he’d worn her down enough to say yes to a date, and it wasn’t like she was devastated about it, but it wounded her ego all the same. They’d only been dating for six months, which was hardly any time at all, but when Kara’s new landlord had said that he was evicting everyone so that he could refurbish the entire building, Mike had asked her to move in, and it had been an easy decision. Alex hadn’t been too pleased with it, and Kara missed the fact that her sister rarely came over anymore, and she couldn’t help but think that she should’ve trusted her sister’s instincts more.

 

            Back on the bus again, with her bags piled up in her lap, Kara numbly stared out the window, trying to avoid looking at the couple holding hands on the other side of the aisle, or the woman in her work uniform, and the other people probably on their way home. She didn’t have any of that. As another wave of tears threatened to overtake her, Kara fished her phone out of her bag and searched through her contacts, taking a deep breath before dialing. It took a few rings before the phone was answered, and Kara sagged slightly in relief at the sound of the warm voice.

 

 _“Kara! Hi sweetie,”_ Eliza greeted her.

 

            “Eliza, hi,” Kara replied, trying to clear her throat as she spoke. It didn’t work well, and her voice cracked, making her wince slightly.

 

            There was a short pause on the other end of the line, and Kara closed her eyes, waiting for the probing questions. _“What’s wrong? Has something happened.”_

 

            Drawing in a rattling breath, Kara widened her eyes as they burned with the telltale sign of tears, trying to focus on the blue and orange flecked bus seat in front of her. “Yeah, everything’s- everything’s fine,” Kara told her, her voice wavering as she replied. She hesitated slightly, knowing that her adoptive mother wouldn’t believe her for a second. “Uh, actually, it’s- it’s not. Can I come home? Just for a little while?”

 

 _“Of course, honey. You can stay as long as you’d like,”_ Eliza soothingly replied, and Kara let out a small sigh of relief, her eyes fluttering closed as she felt some of her worry dissipate. She could go home for a while, back to Midvale, and pull herself back together. _It’ll only be for a short while_ , she told herself, but the knowledge that she didn’t have to rush to leave was comforting, and Kara let out a shaky breath as she swallowed the lump in her throat.

 

            “Thank you,” she hoarsely replied.

 

 _“Are you okay, sweetheart?”_ Eliza tentatively asked, and Kara bit her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing. She was far from okay, but maybe not as bad as she should’ve felt, and as she took stock of her belongings - one faded blue duffel bag and a worn brown leather satchel - she felt a small amount of relief. She couldn’t get any lower, and that was somewhat comforting as she sat on her seat, rattling along with the bus while she tried to figure out a plan.

 

            Letting out a small sigh, Kara grimaced, running a hand through her hair as she looked out at the slow moving stream of red brake lights, feeling almost at ease without the pressure of needing to be somewhere. “Yeah, I’ll be okay, Eliza,” Kara assured her.

 

            There was another pause at the other end, and Kara could almost hear the questions that were burning on the end of Eliza’s tongue, but she was grateful when she didn’t pursue them, saying goodbye instead. After sending a quick text to Alex, summarising the situation as quickly as she could and asking her to pick her stuff up from Mike’s, she slipped her phone back into her bag, and tilted her head back against the seat, patiently waiting for her stop.

 

            At the bus station, she paid for a ticket on a Greyhound passing through Midvale, stowing her large bag in the hold underneath the bus, she climbed the steps and found an empty seat near the back, shuffling across to the window seat. The air was stale inside, from the closed windows and the lingering smell of the last bus load of people, and as Kara sank down in her seat, she could smell the faint odour of spearmint gum, tobacco and cologne. It was still sunny outside, and the bus was only filled with a smattering of people when they set off through the city with a lurch. The guy three rows down and on the right side of the bus was blaring his music so loud that Kara could hear the faint thumping sound from where she was sitting, and the sound of muffled conversation more towards the front drifted towards her, so she fished some earphones out of her bag and let the soothing sound of music wash over her, blocking out everything else. With sunlight streaming in, Kara basked in the warmth of it, like a cat stretched out on a warm patch, and thumbed through one of the worn paperbacks she had in her satchel. The spine was cracked and the pages slightly yellowed, but Kara loved the books all the same, and had read this particular one over a dozen times before. With the faint hum of the engine and the gentle jostling of the bus, she settled down for the long ride ahead, a bottle of water and a packet of three glazed donuts on the seat beside her to help her through the trip.

 

            By the time she got to Midvale, the sun was sinking on the horizon, and the long winding road hugging the coast gave way to an endless stretch of trees. At her stop, Kara stepped off the bus, breathing in the heavy smell of pine from the forest of green surrounding her, laced with the faint smell of the sea. Hauling her big bag out of the hold beneath the bus, she set off on the winding road through the middle of the town, passing the post office, closing up for the night, and the bakery, where she smell of pastries being prepared by the bakers for tomorrow morning reached her nose, and the sound of a bunch of laughing school kids drifted towards her as they spilled out of the old diner. It always amazed her how little things changed in Midvale, and Kara felt a sense of calmness sweep over her as she passed by familiar shopfronts, giving the old grocer a warm smile as she watched him lift a wooden crate of clementines into the shop, the little green leaves in stark contrast to the rich orange of the fruit. She’d made this walk through town hundreds of times, and it put Kara at ease as she walked, but also filled her with a small feeling of nostalgia, which was surprisingly new to her. She wished she was the teenager who’d gone to the diner with Alex, drinking strawberry milkshakes at one of the small round tables beneath the faded red awning, checking book after book out of the small library, or going for early morning jogs along the beach. Her life didn’t leave much time for those kinds of things anymore, and with a start, Kara realised that she didn’t have anything to do now. For all intents and purposes, she was exactly like that teenage girl she’d been; here she was, living back with her adoptive mother, free to read and jog as much as she wished. It only filled Kara with a sense of failure at the fact that she was back where she’d been ten years ago.

 

            By the time she made it to the big white house perched on the edge of the beach, she was tired, and felt more drained than ever. The reality was sinking in, that she was jobless, homeless and single, and Kara wearily knocked on the door, filled with a bone deep tiredness and the urge to cry. Avoiding the temptation to rub her itchy eyes, she listened to the loud sound of waves crashing on the beach, trying to even out her breathing after the hike up the steep driveway, and soon enough, picked up on the sound of footsteps walking through the house.

 

            Eliza opened the door with a warm smile and a look of mild surprise on her face, tucking her blonde hair behind her ear as she looked at Kara, giving her a searching look for a moment, before pulling her into a tight hug. The air rushed out of Kara, and she dropped her heavy bag and returned the hug, closing her eyes as she breathed in the smell of washing detergent clinging to Eliza’s blue shirt, and the familiar perfume that she had always associated with her. “You should’ve called,” Eliza gently sighed, giving Kara’s back a quick rub, “I would’ve come and picked you up.”

 

            “I needed the fresh air,” Kara told her, pulling back and looking down at her shoes, noticing the bit of mud on the toe of the left one as she fiddled with her glasses.

 

            “Why don’t you take your stuff up to your room while I make us some tea?” Eliza suggested, and Kara reached down to pick her bag back up, nodding in agreement as she swallowed the lump in her throat.

 

            Both of them walked inside, and Kara immediately looked up, taking in the airy house, with its white walls and wooden floors, the smell of the sea flooding in through the open windows, cutting through the smell of expensive wood and vanilla. Her shoulders dropped slightly in relief at the familiar comfort of being home. She knew this place well; she knew the bottom step creaked, and the best place to find a patch of sunlight to read in, or where Eliza hid the cookies, even though she knew that Kara and Alex knew where they were too, and would let them steal them anyway. Walking over to the stairs, Kara slowly plodded up each step, purposely letting the bottom one squeak, and taking in the framed photos lining the walls, first of Alex as a baby, and then as she grew older, the appearances of Kara, easily fitting into the family of four, until Jeremiah suddenly disappeared from them. She missed her adoptive father almost as much as her real father, because for the short while he’d looked after her, he’d loved her like her own father had, teaching her how to skip rocks on the ocean, or helping her practice for track by dragging her out of bed at the crack of dawn to go jogging.

 

            Pushing away her sad thoughts, she carried on to the bedroom she’d shared with Alex, pushing open the white wooden door and staring around the room. Everything was exactly as it had been when she’d last come to visit Eliza, except the sheets looked fresh and the room had been cleaned. None of the things she’d left behind had been touched, and she was grateful that Eliza had never been nosy or invasive, but as Kara set her bag down on the end of the bed on the left, sitting down beside it, she knew that she was going to have to explain why she was here. Taking a few moments to collect herself, Kara let her eyes wander around the room, taking in the old stack of paperbacks that she left here for visits, and the thick knitted blanket she’d made for herself when she’d taken up knitting one year, which still smelled faintly of lavender when she picked it up and buried her face in it, letting out a soft sigh, before setting it down and climbing to her feet.

 

            She’d quickly covered the basics of what had happened, not feeling like getting into the details of it all, in case she started crying, and Eliza hadn’t pried - she never did - and they’d turned to other topics while they drank their tea, made just the way Kara liked it, with a little bit of cream and two sugars stirred in. It was such a massive relief to have someone who knew her - truly knew her - looking after her, and Kara was almost tempted to blurt out everything that had happened, sparing no detail, but the pain of losing her job and boyfriend was still a bit too raw. It was enough to have Eliza make her a perfect cup of tea and pull a crumpled menu for the Chinese restaurant in town out of a drawer, sliding it across the scrubbed wooden table with a knowing smile as Kara picked out her favourite dishes. When only the dregs of her tea were left, she’d emptied it out in the sink, and looked out at the pink sky through the window above it, taking in the grey rolling waves and the peachy wisps of clouds trailing across the sky, deciding that she wanted to go for a walk.

 

            After Eliza’s stern warning about wearing her coat, Kara shrugged it on and pulled a pair of her boots out of her bag, lacing them up and stepping outside with a quick shout over her shoulder so that Eliza knew she was gone. Shoulders hunched against the cool wind that buffeted her, despite the warmth of the day earlier on, Kara made towards the beach, leaving a trail of footprints as she picked her way across the shell strewn shoreline, stepping over seaweed and driftwood, and picking up the occasional plastic bottle that had been carelessly tossed aside. She’d always loved the sea, and she had so many memories of this beach that the briny smell and the gritty feeling of the sand beneath her feet were like old acquaintances, and stirred memories of summer. Kara could almost taste the mint chocolate chip ice cream and smell the sun lotion as her and Alex were kicked out of the house and left to swim and lounge on towels while the sun turned their skin golden. Summer had always been her favourite time of year. As Kara made her way down the beach though, a shiver, as the wind snaked beneath the collar of her coat, reminded her that autumn was riding in on the coattails of summer, and the sweltering heat was already giving way to burnt orange leaves, pumpkin pie and hot chocolate.

 

            Walking further and further down the beach, Kara took a left, walking up the sand dunes, struggling not to sink in the dry sand as she pushed through sparse clumps of long waving grass, and took the path up to the top of the cliffs, before the beach ended at the bottom and left her facing a wall of grey rock. They’d used to clamber over the smaller rocks, holding on as they were pounded by waves, until they found the dark holes of caves, and found crabs and starfish in the rock pools, but it was getting chilly, and too dark for Kara to even consider it, so she walked along the path winding with the cliffs, until she reached a slight slope, leading up to the peak of the tallest point of the cliff. The top of the cliff was covered in grass, and a trampled muddy path cut through it, all the way to the top, leaving Kara breathless as she walked upwards, watching as the pink of the sunset turned indigo, and the sun sank low on the horizon.

 

            And then she suddenly stopped, two dozen feet from where the top of the cliff levelled out, jutting out over the churning water below, strewn with jagged rocks. She stopped, her heart in her throat, because a woman stood at the very edge, her dark hair tossed around her head by the gentle breeze. Kara couldn’t see her face, but she was wearing a mustard coloured raincoat, and standing too close for Kara’s comfort, making her expect the worst, and she quickly jogged towards her, stopping a few metres away, not wanting to startle the woman.

 

            “Excuse me, ma’am!” Kara called out, her voice shaking slightly as she looked at the woman with wide eyes.

 

            The woman turned around, her face half hidden by dark sunglasses, despite the fact that it wasn’t even sunny anymore, and her heavy brows lifted slightly in surprise. “Can I help you, miss?”

 

            “Uh, don’t- don’t do it,” Kara hesitantly called out, wondering if she should call the sheriff, and silently cursing herself when she patted down her pockets and realised she’d left it in her satchel, back at the house. “Don’t jump. Please.”

 

            Wincing as the woman let out a sharp laugh, Kara took a small step towards her, a hand outstretched as if she thought the woman was going to fling herself off the edge. To her surprise, the woman buried her hands in her pocket and stepped towards Kara, making her relax slightly. “You think I’m going to jump?”

 

            Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kara shrugged slightly, “I don’t know. I mean … yes. You wouldn’t be the first.”

 

            “I’m not trying to kill myself,” the woman tightly responded, taking another slow step towards Kara, “I like to come up here and listen.”

 

            “Listen?” Kara asked, hearing nothing but the screaming of the wind and the sound of waves crashing against the cliffs below.

 

            A small smile uplifted the woman’s lips, and she shrugged, “it’s like music to my ears.”

 

            “Oh. Well, I’m sorry for disturbing you,” Kara muttered, feeling her cheeks warm slightly, and cursing herself for not being able to stop it. “I just- well, people get it into their heads to come here because of its history.”

 

            “Its history?” the woman asked, her curiosity piqued as she walked towards Kara, “what history?”

 

            Clearing her throat slightly, Kara fiddled with her glasses, giving the woman a nervous smile. “Um, well, this place is called Lover’s Ridge, but no one really calls it anything. Back in the nineteenth century, there were these two women who were in love. Well, you know, it was the nineteenth century so they weren’t allowed - that kind of thing was forbidden - so they came here, they held hands, and they jumped off the edge of the cliff. If they couldn’t be together in life, then why not in death, you know?”

 

            The woman was silent as they walked - somehow they were walking back down the gentle slope, and Kara didn’t even remember moving - and then she let out a quick laugh, a smile spreading across her face as she turned towards Kara. “Well, it’s a bit of a misnomer isn’t it? And not a very nice story. Did you make it up?”

 

            “No,” Kara said, smiling despite herself, “and it’s true!”

 

            “If you say so,” the woman replied, “you have quite a nice voice for telling stories, you know. What do you do?”

 

            Kara bit her lip as she scrambled for an answer. She couldn’t tell the woman she’d just been fired - she didn’t even know her - and Kara cleared her throat slightly as she hesitantly replied. “I’m a, uh, a writer.”

 

            “Aha, so you _did_ make it up!” the woman quietly exclaimed, and Kara felt herself blushing slightly, ducking her head as she joined in with her laughter.

 

            “No! I promise you, I didn’t make it up,” Kara told her, “and what do you do, music girl?”

 

            The woman smiled slightly at the nickname, arching an eyebrow as she stared at Kara from behind the dark lenses. Even though she couldn’t see her eyes, Kara had the feeling that the woman had an unnerving stare, one that could pierce her soul, and she wished she’d take off the sunglasses so Kara could see her face properly.

 

            “Well, storyteller, I happen to write too,” the woman replied, “perhaps something different to you though.”

 

            Their feet crunched as the muddy path turned to gravel, and Kara blinked as she took in the indigo sky, with the first stars coming into appearance, and the orange glow of the streetlights flickering to life. It was getting dark, and Eliza was probably wondering where she was, with Chinese food waiting, and Kara cast a quick look at the other woman, giving her a small smile. “Perhaps. I should get going though,” Kara told her, “it was nice to meet you.”

 

            The woman gave her a quick nod, smiling slightly too, still wearing her sunglasses, despite the encroaching darkness. “You too, storyteller,” she quietly replied, her lips quirking up at the corners, “maybe next time you’ll have something better for me.”

 

            Kara opened her mouth to protest the fact that it was true, and let out a breathless laugh when she saw the taunting smile on woman’s face, and shook her head. “Stay away from cliffs.”

 

            “Not a chance, miss,” the woman laughed, turning away and walking off.

 

            Kara stared after her for a few moments, surprised at the fact that she’d never seen this woman before, and wondering if she was passing through, or had only just arrived. Either way, Kara was struck by her oddness, unsure what to make of her, and she was still wondering when the woman turned around and cast a glance at her over her shoulder. It was too dark to tell, but Kara had the feeling that the woman was giving her a smug look, with that arched eyebrow, as if she knew Kara was still rooted to the spot. Feeling her cheeks flush again, Kara gave her a small wave, ducked her head down and began the walk home, cutting through the forest of trees that skirted their house on the other side, knowing her way through it, even in the dark. The whole walk home, up until she saw the welcoming yellow lights of the house, she couldn’t shake the strange woman from her thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder who the mystery person is lol

            A couple of days passed by, spent walking along the rocky shoreline or traipsing over spongy carpets of pine needles as Kara got back into the habit of early morning jogs, watching as the sun rose behind a wall of damp fog. She didn’t see the woman again, and thought her assumption that she’d been passing through was correct, and she faded from Kara’s mind by the end of the week, replaced by thoughts of how she was going to get back on her feet. Eliza was perfectly content to let her stay as long as she wanted to, but Kara had no plans to stay longer than a couple of weeks; she was optimistic she’d find another job, and she could move in with Alex for a little while. It would just be a few weeks. In the meantime she made herself busy, tidying up around the house, pulling weeds in the garden and trying to replicate Eliza’s lamb casserole for when her adoptive mother came home from work. She spent hours reading in the window seat in her and Alex’s room, feeling the cool breeze caress her skin as she sat with the window open, listening to the sound of the waves and finding that they did hold a kind of music to them.

 

            It was Monday morning, and the start of a fresh week, which had lifted Kara’s spirits considerably. She felt optimistic that even though last week had been awful, a new week held so many possibilities, and as she folded the freshly cleaned and dried laundry, the comforting smell of lavender clinging to the thin shirts and towels, Kara decided to take a walk into town. The fridge was low on a few things, and she was hoping the library would have some books for her to check out to help pass the time. By half past twelve, she was wearing a thin jacket just in case the puffy white clouds turned into a downpour, and was walking along the tree-lined road, letting her mind drift as her fingertips skimmed the tips of long grass that waved on the side of the road in the gentle breeze. A few beaten cars rumbled past, with some familiar faces slowing and winding down the window to offer her a ride, but Kara was content to walk, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her face as she soaked up the last of the summer weather. The chill in the air already spoke of autumn, and Kara wanted to make the most of walking without an umbrella and the bone-deep chill that accompanied the cold.

 

            The library turned out to be a success, earning Kara two worn paperbacks to occupy her for a few days, and she celebrated by forking out a few dollars for a tuna and cucumber sandwich at a nearby deli, eating it as she walked towards the small grocery store wedged in between a clothing store and a dentist office. Perusing the aisles, she filled a small basket up with a few things, picking up ingredients for lasagne for dinner, and indulging herself with two tubs of cookie dough ice cream. With her paperbacks tucked safely under one arm and the paper grocery bag held in her other, she walked out of the store and someone walking past bumped into her, making her drop the books and tearing the bag as she clutched at the paper and let gravity do the rest of the work, spilling her groceries all over the place.

 

            The other person wasn’t quite as fortunate and went sprawling forward as they tripped, their own bag dropping to the ground, with a few items escaping and rolling down the sidewalk. Kara immediately dropped down to help the woman up, taking in the dark hair and sunglasses and freezing for a moment, before her face split into a wide smile. “Music girl!” she crowed, taking the woman’s warm hand in hers to help her up, “you should be more aware of your surroundings, you almost ran me over.”

 

            _“Me?!”_ the woman spluttered, pulling her hand out of Kara’s as her heavy eyebrows pulled down into a scowl, which was in stark contrast to the riot of colours of the knitted poncho she was wearing, which looked decidedly optimistic on the cool summer’s day. “I’m _blind!_ You watch where you’re going.”

 

            Kara let out an awkward laugh, pushing her glasses up her nose with one hand as she reached for her belongings with the other. Picking up a punnet of blueberries and a box of muesli that didn’t belong to her, Kara held them out to the woman, who was fumbling around on the ground, her hands seeking her spilled shopping, and Kara blanched slightly as she saw the red and white striped cane beside the woman and realised that she actually was blind. “Oh. _Oh_. Oh god, I’m _so_ sorry. I had no idea- the other day you- I’m sorry,” Kara babbled, quickly shoving things back into the canvas bag stamped with the logo for the organic store down the street.

 

            Chasing down a can of black beans and a few escaped apples, which Kara hoped weren’t bruised as she rubbed them on her coat and slipped back into the bag, with the feeling that the other woman knew exactly what she’d just done. The woman in question had pushed herself to her feet, her cane clutched in her right hand and a carton of milk held in the other. “This is yours,” she curtly replied as Kara stopped in front of her, putting the food into the bag and taking the carton of milk as she swapped it for the woman’s groceries, wondering how she knew it was Kara’s milk.

 

            “Right. Thank you. Sorry again about the- well, I’ll be more careful next time,” Kara babbled, feeling tongue tied as she flushed slightly, staring at the dark lenses of the woman’s sunglasses. She hadn’t realised at all last time - the woman hadn’t even had her cane out, and Kara thought wearing sunglasses at dusk was just her being odd - and she still felt a little unnerved by the presumed intensity of the stare behind the lenses, even knowing that the woman couldn’t see her.

 

            “Thank you, storyteller,” the woman replied, somewhat softer than her previously pissed off tone had been, as she hoisted her bag onto her shoulder.

 

            Kara quickly picked up the rest of her own groceries, cradling the torn bag in her arms with her books precariously balanced on top, and shifted from foot to foot as she found herself nervously quiet in the woman’s presence. “My name’s Kara, by the way,” she blurted out.

 

            “I would say it’s nice to meet you, but I’ve already had the pleasure,” the woman mused, a wry smile on her lips that made Kara flush again, feeling as though she was being made fun of. She didn’t offer her own name and they fell into silence again for a few moments.

 

            Kara ducked her head, scuffing the sidewalk with her shoe as she cast quick sneak peeks up at the woman, even though she knew the other woman couldn’t see her. In her quick glances, she managed to take in the bright red, orange, blue, yellow and pink knitted pattern of the poncho, and for a brief moment considered asking whether the woman was into Peruvian folk music, looking like she already belonged in a band. “I like your poncho,” Kara told her, eager to prolong the encounter with the woman, who was getting more intriguing with every encounter.

 

            “Thank you,” she replied, “perhaps I’ll see you again, Kara.”

 

            “Bye music girl,” Kara smiled, watching her brush past, the rounded end of the stick tapping back and forth as she made sure her path wasn’t obstructed or uneven on the cracked and pitted sidewalk.

 

            “You should stop using paper bags,” the woman called back over her shoulder, “it’s bad for the environment.”

 

            Kara let out a surprised laugh, realising that woman had heard the bag rip when she’d tripped, and she glanced down at her torn bag of groceries, before glancing up at the woman once more, finding her already turning the corner, her stride slow but confident. Shaking her head slightly, Kara turned around and began walking back down the street, passing by the organic shop and pausing, before walking inside and purchasing a canvas bag, which she placed the groceries in and slung over her shoulder.

 

            The walk home took longer than the walk there, with Kara’s distracted mind running over the embarrassing moment of telling a blind woman to watch where she was going, and Kara groaned internally, feeling like the world’s biggest idiot. It wasn’t like she could’ve known, but still, her cheeks warmed slightly every time she thought about it, but she couldn’t help but not think about the woman from the top of the cliff. Apparently she was still in town, and Kara couldn’t help but feel intrigued by the woman, who had a sharp wit, an odd sense of fashion and a clear love for music, and wondered how long she was going to be staying for. Kara had decided to work on her novel while she was here, with nothing to disturb her in her unemployment and exile to the small town, and so far she didn’t have a lot to show for it. What she needed was something interesting, something fresh, and the woman was definitely a little mysterious, and Kara wondered if perhaps she’d do the trick.

 

            Back at the house, she turned on the radio in the kitchen, fitting boxes and cartons into the fridge and cupboards, before she got started on chopping onions for the lasagne, stirring in the minced beef as she absentmindedly listened to the quiet music drifting towards her. It was a nice day today, a slow day, and Kara closed her eyes, feeling a gust of warm breeze waft in through the windows, filling the room with the faint smell of pine and salt from the trees and the sea outside. Layering sauce and pasta into a deep dish, she sprinkled some cheese on top and popped it into the oven, setting a timer and stripping off the apron she was wearing. The sun was starting to set by the time she had finished cleaning up after herself, and through the large window above the sink, she could see the warm hues of the sunset and felt the urge to go for another walk, feeling restless at her complacency. As a journalist, she’d been swept off her feet by story after story, and Kara was feeling antsy at being cooped up with nothing to do but twiddle her thumbs and reread books she’d read a dozen times. She’d even started reading one of Eliza’s complex medical journals yesterday, feeling glad that she’d taken an interest in science and Grey’s Anatomy so she could somewhat follow what was happening.

 

            Walking seemed to do the trick though, and with a quick glance at the timer and the leather watch strapped to her wrist, Kara made a mental note to be back in fifty minutes, slipping on her loafers and jacket as she swept out of the back door. The grass behind the white house gave way to the gentle slope of sand, all the way down to the shoreline, and Kara was careful to keep further up the beach as she watched the tide come in, the rippling waves looking pink in the light of the sunset. The briny smell of the sea filled her nose and Kara breathed it in deeply as she slowly wandered along the beach, revelling in the smell that was so different to the car exhaust, gasoline and smell of greasy food that haunted the streets of National City. Being in Midvale was literally like a breath of fresh air, with the smell of salt and pine, the scent of lavender that shrouded the house from the plants in Eliza’s garden, and the smell of fresh bread and coffee when Kara walked through the middle of town early in the morning. Stooping to pick up a peach coloured shell, Kara ran a fingernail over the ridges as she meandered along, her shoes filling with sand, feeling the gritty grains beneath her feet with every step. The sharp squalling of seagulls reached her ears as she kept walking, cutting through the gentle sound of the calm ocean as the wheeled around the shore, riding the gentle wind as they looked for scraps.

 

            And then there was something else. It was so out of place and sudden that Kara wasn’t sure she’d heard it at all, especially not over the sounds of the seagulls and the sea, but there it was again, a hauntingly beautiful melody being played on the piano. She hadn’t walked this far this late before, with the sun just a smudge of orange low on the horizon, and wasn’t sure if it was a common occurrence, but she was drawn to it all the same, like a poor sailor ensnared by a siren. Taking the sandy path cutting through the sparse grass of the sand dunes on her left, Kara followed it, her shoes scraping as the sand gave way to stone and then lush green grass and a barricade of black trunks. The sound continued, drifting towards her on the breeze, and Kara wound her way between the trunks, a mesmerised look on her face at the beautiful music. It was clearly being played by someone, not just a CD, and Kara was enraptured, having always been partial to the piano, even though she couldn’t play it herself. Walking through the small copse of trees as if she was in a dream, Kara eventually stumbled upon a dark house, barely visible in the dwindling sunlight that just managed to filter through the trees behind her, and she wondered if she had the right one for a second, as the whole house seemed still. And then the music started up again, haltingly stopping and starting as if someone was making corrections to it, and Kara lingered beside a trunk, her shoulder resting against the rough bark, and closed her eyes as she listened.

 

            It wasn’t until the music stopped that she realised how long she’d been there, and cast a quick look down at her watch, realising that the lasagne would be done any minute now. Muttering a curse, she turned and slipped back through the trees and slid down the sand dunes, before settling into a quick pace as she ran along the hard packed sand, her lungs burning after a few minutes. It didn’t take her long to get home, and Kara managed to save the lasagne just short of being a little too crispy, and left it to cool. Wandering upstairs to change into something more comfortable, she came back down with her laptop, opening up a blank document and pausing, before she started to type. She hadn’t moved at all by the time Eliza walked in, taking in the sight of her daughter sitting at the kitchen table, pushing her glasses up her nose as she typed, her fingers a flurry of taps. The music had given her an idea, and Kara wasn’t one to waste an opportunity.


	3. Chapter 3

            “It’s like he’s blacklisted me,” Kara grumbled into the phone as she put a load of washing into the machine, clamping the phone between her ear and shoulder as she carefully measured out a cap full of the cherry blossom fabric softener that Eliza liked. Closing the tray with a little more force than necessary, Kara turned the dial and pressed the button, listening to the sound of water running. Picking the phone up with her hand, she pressed it to her ear as she walked through the hallway, the wooden floor creaking beneath her footsteps. “I’ve applied to three other newspapers in National City and none of them have gotten back to me. I even applied as a columnist for a fashion magazine!”

 

_“You, in fashion?”_ Alex snorted, _“I don’t think advising people to wear a belt with everything would make for a good column.”_

 

            “What’s wrong with my belts?” Kara indignantly replied, flicking the switch for the kettle and pulling a clean cup out of the cupboard. Jumping onto the counter, she stole a slice of banana bread that she’d baked earlier, grimacing at the slightly sticky centre where she hadn’t cooked it all the way through. Sighing, she put it back down on the pile and waited for the hot water to boil; she could get a cup of tea right, if nothing else.

 

            Alex laughed on the other end of the phone, not deigning her sister with a reply, and the conversation moved on. _“When are you coming home? You know living with me wouldn’t be a bother. I already have all of your shit in here anyway. Honestly, Kara, you need to stop buying books. Winn almost threw his back out when he tried lifting one of them.”_

 

            “How is he?” Kara asked, feeling slightly guilty about blowing off his concerned texts with short, half-hearted replies.

 

_“Pretty upset that he lost his gaming buddy,”_ Alex said, _“he’ll get over it though. James even volunteered to get an Xbox to keep him company.”_

 

            Kara tried to ignore the barely concealed happiness in Alex’s tone, knowing her sister had never been overly fond of Mike, and had only made the effort to talk to him for Kara’s sake. It turned out Alex’s judgement had been right though, and Kara felt slightly bitter at the fact that she had been. After losing her job, it would’ve been nice to just have one thing, but instead, she had nothing of her own. Brooding over her failures, Kara couldn’t help but feel disheartened, and almost as if she could head her sister’s thoughts, Alex’s voice softened.

 

            _“Hey, it’s okay. You’ll find something. This isn’t permanent,”_ she soothingly told her.

 

            Rubbing her forehead, Kara sighed, her shoulders dropping in defeat. “Yeah. I’ll be back in no time. I’ve started writing a book in the meantime.”

 

            Alex made a small exclamation of surprise, _“that’s great! You’ve been saying you were going to write one for years. What’s it about?”_

 

            Perking up slightly at Alex’s encouraging tone - not that she’d expect anything less from her supportive sister - Kara smiled slightly, biting her lip. “I’m not really sure yet. I’ve only been working on it for a few days.”

 

_“Well it’s good that you’ve got something to do for now,”_ Alex said.

 

            “Yeah,” Kara murmured, the sound of bubbling water reaching her ears, shortly followed by a quiet click as the switch flicked, and she jumped down off the counter, sweeping her ruined banana bread into the bin. “Well, I, uh, I should get going. I’m trying to make a curry for dinner tonight so I need to go to the store.”

 

   _“Good luck,”_ Alex laughed, _“I’ll speak to you soon. Let me know if I can help with anything.”_

 

            Knowing that she wouldn’t bother her sister, who already had her own life to worry about, including a stressful job as a police detective as well as recovering from her own break up, Kara agreed anyway. “Yeah, sure. Bye.”

 

            When the line went dead, Kara filled the teacup decorated with delicate violets up with hot water, letting the green tea seep for a few minutes, before she took the teabag out and walked over to the scrubbed kitchen table, setting down a coaster and easing herself into one of the chairs. Opening up her laptop, she pushed her glasses up her nose so that they were sitting more comfortably, and opened up the plan for her book. She worked on it for a little while, tinkering with the plot while she drank her tea, and then she put the washing in the dryer and slipped on her shoes and coat. Fetching her canvas bag and purse, Kara stepped outside and locked the door behind her, before fetching her old bike from the garage. Over the past few days, she’d settled in more, sifting through boxes of her old things that had been stored in the dusty attic. The bike had been left in the cluttered garage, hidden behind Alex’s old surfboard and some of Jeremiah’s fishing rods, and Kara had felt triumphant at finding it. She’d washed away the cobwebs and pumped up the tyres, and it had been perfect to speed up her trips into town. Swinging one leg over it, she balanced herself and put her bag and purse in the wicker basket attached the front, before peddling down the steep driveway and riding along the shoulder of the road.

 

            She didn’t bother locking her bike up when she reached the store, knowing that there were too few people in Midvale to not find out who took it if it went missing, and Kara set it against a streetlight, grabbing her purse and bag, before disappearing into the store. She re-emerged half an hour later with a bag bulging with groceries, and dangled it from the handlebar, before climbing back on. As she rode back through town, waving at old neighbours and teachers, and feeling even more like a loser when she saw some of the girls she’d gone to school with, all gathered together outside one of the cafés. Ducking her head down, she rode on, peeking up occasionally as she kept an eye out for a particular person. She hadn’t seen her new mystery girl since they’d bumped into each other, and Kara would be lying if she said she didn’t keep an eye out for her when she came into town. For such a small town, Kara expected to see her around a lot more, but whether she came in to get more books out of the library, pick up groceries, or browse the shops, she saw no sight of the dark hair and bright clothes. It seemed that was the case for today too, and feeling a little disappointed, Kara rode all the way home thinking about her.

 

            With one of the cookbooks open on the counter, Kara carefully chopped bell peppers and onions, measured spices and herbs and made sure she didn’t burn anything as she followed the instructions, down to the letter. The smell of different aromas from the curry chased away the smell of the sea that drifted in through the open window, and Kara diligently stirred it as she admired her creation, a triumphant look on her face when she tried it and found that it wasn’t half bad. Once the rice was cooked, she let them both sit, deciding to wait until Eliza was home so that they could eat together, and donned her running shoes and some exercise clothes. 

 

            The stretchy fabric of her leggings melded to her wiry muscles as she stretched out her calves on the back porch steps, staring out at the clear blue sky and the sun, which was just starting to sink on the horizon. With her earphones in, and the audiobook for the latest Dan Brown book playing, Kara set off across the springy grass of their half garden, which gave way to the gentle slope of sand dunes, with patches of coarse grass waving in the breeze as Kara trampled it. She ran along the shoreline, where the sand was firmer and wouldn’t tire her out as quickly, and set a rhythm to the soothing voice speaking to her. She could just hear the sound of the waves over the top of the man speaking, and let herself relax into her easy jog, stepping over seaweed and driftwood as she breathed in the briny smell, her lungs burning before too long.

 

            She’d set out a path that she took daily now, always near dusk, so that she could stop and sit on the sand dunes behind the house she’d stumbled across, because over the past week, she’d come to figure out that the piano player had a routine. Every evening, without fail, they had played their music as the sun was going down, and Kara would sit on the sand and listen. They’d perfected the melody they’d been playing the first time she’d heard them playing, and over the past few days they’d been learning a new one. Their playing went from beautiful flowing notes, to the choppy frustration of someone who couldn’t get it right, and Kara would quietly laugh as she listened to the ominous sounds of chords that didn’t sound quite right as the person vented their frustration. Then they’d play something they already knew, and she’d close her eyes to the pinks and oranges, slowly receding as they gave way to indigo and navy, listening to the gentle song as she relaxed on the sand, which was still warm from the sun.

 

            As she neared the spot this time, she pulled her earphones out, expecting to hear the first few lilting notes reaching her ears, but hearing nothing but the sea. Sighing, Kara flopped down on the sand anyway, not quite as far up the beach as she usually went, but still close enough to listen for the sound of the piano if the person decided to play. Closing her eyes as she basked in the last rays of warmth for the day, Kara evened out her breathing, listening to the rustling of trees from the small forest behind her, bringing with it the damp smell of moss and leaves, mingling with the salty smell of the sea. She sat in silence for five minutes, before a quiet slithering sound reached her ears, and Kara opened her eyes, sitting up as she looked around. Off to her left, further up the beach, a figure dressed in an orange jacket was making their way across the sand, their bare feet kicking it up with each step, which was the source of the slithering sound. Smiling brightly, Kara leapt to her feet, recognising the dark hair, if not the penchant for brightly coloured clothes, and ran down the beach with renewed vigour.

 

            “Music girl,” Kara called out, raising her hand to wave, before realising what she was doing and slowly lowering it, her cheeks turning slightly pink with embarrassment.

 

            At the sound of the nickname, the woman’s head whipped around, a look of surprise on her face, and she raised her hand in a small wave in what she judged to be Kara’s direction. Slowly as she neared her, Kara smiled brightly, the sand shifting beneath her feet as she dared to take a few steps closer. “Hi.”

 

            “Kara,” the woman greeted her, a faint smile on her lips. She was wearing her dark sunglasses, as ever, and Kara secretly hoped that the smile reached her eyes. 

 

            “Fancy seeing you here,” Kara said, “you know, you _still_ haven’t told me your name.”

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh, the woman shrugged, her hands buried deep in her pockets. “I live in the area, and yes, I’m aware.”

 

            Delighted by the news that she did in fact live in the area, Kara fell into step beside her, matching the slow but sure pace the woman set. “I live in the area too! Not permanently, just for a little while,” Kara chatted, “I’m surprised I haven’t seen you around town more.”

 

            “I’m not much of a social butterfly,” the woman dryly replied, clearly with no intention of introducing herself. 

 

            “Oh, well I guess that explains why. I thought you might’ve been passing through for the summer,” Kara babbled, “I haven’t seen you around before, so I assumed you were new.”

 

            “Relatively,” she quietly replied, her head turned in Kara’s direction, as if she was looking her straight in the eye. “I moved here about a year ago.”

 

            Eyes rising slightly in surprise, Kara nodded. “I lived here for a while. With my, uh, my family. I wasn’t here too long though, because I went to college.”

 

            “For writing?”

 

            “No, for journalism, actually,” Kara told her.

 

            “Huh. So that’s what you write?”

 

            Wincing slightly, Kara shook her head, before realising the woman couldn’t see her. “No. I- well, I used to, but … not anymore.”

 

            “What brought you back here then?” the woman asked, smiling slightly as if the thought of anyone willingly coming to Midvale was amusing. 

 

            “A breakup,” Kara hesitantly said.

 

            “Ouch,” the woman muttered, grimacing slightly at her lack of tact, “sorry.”

 

            Laughing, Kara waved her apology aside, “well unless your real name is Imra, you have nothing to apologise for.”

 

            “Another woman?” she winced, giving Kara a sympathetic look. “That's rough, but more the fool him. He’ll never get to hear the riveting story of the girls who used to jump off cliffs here - which is still debatably true.”

 

            “It _is!”_ Kara insisted, unable to stop herself from laughing. 

 

            She kicked up sand as she walked alongside the woman, occasionally stooping down to pick up shells in delicate shades of peach, lilac and blue, before letting them tumble back through her fingertips to thud back onto the sand. If the woman picked up on her doing it, she didn’t question what she was doing, and just walked silently alongside Kara. It was almost completely dark when Kara saw the telltale yellow lights of her house looming out of the dark, and turned to the woman. They’d walked in companionable quiet, only occasionally asking a question or talking, and she’d given no signs that her house was nearby, and Kara hesitated slightly.

 

            “My house is near here,” she told her, sounding somewhat reluctant to leave.

 

            “Okay. Goodbye then. Have a good night,” the woman told her, giving Kara a warm smile.

 

            Not wanting to leave her alone as the hour grew later, Kara hesitated slightly. “Did you- would you like me to walk you home? It’s getting dark.”

 

            To her surprise, the woman let out a loud laugh, sounding genuinely amused. “It could be the middle of the day, or in a pitch black tunnel and it would make no difference to me, but thanks for your concern. And we passed my house about two miles ago.”

 

            “What?!” Kara spluttered, blinking in surprise, “why didn’t you tell me?”

 

            “I was enjoying listening to you talk. I told you, you have a nice voice to listen to,” the woman told her. “Besides, being the town cryptic means that I rarely get to have a proper conversation with someone. It was … nice.”

 

            Standing in her orange jacket, with her oversized sunglasses covering half of her face, Kara understood why people would think the woman was odd, and try and avoid her. Of course, her stick, which she didn’t have out at the moment, wouldn’t really help her case with people who only saw that instead of the girl behind it, and Kara felt a small feeling of pity well up inside.

 

            “Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don’t have any friends here either,” Kara sighed, a small smile curling the corner of her lips.

 

            “Who needs friends anyway,” the woman scoffed, an amused smile playing on her lips, “you can just meet strangers on the edge of a cliff. It’s much better.”

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Kara ducked her head down, pushing her glasses up her nose as she kicked at the grass with the toe of her shoe. “Hard to argue with you there,” she smiled.

 

            “I’d better let you get inside,” the woman quietly murmured.

 

            “Right. Goodnight,” Kara replied, “get home safely.”

 

            Nodding, the woman turned around, walking back the way they had come, as surefooted as she’d been on the way to Eliza’s house, and Kara stared after her with curiosity. She stayed rooted to the spot until the woman had disappeared into the encroaching darkness, taking her air of mystery with her, leaving Kara wondering about who she really was beneath it all. Shaking her head, Kara smiled as she plodded back to the house, shaking sand out of her shoes before she walked inside, smelling like the beach. Eliza was already home, and Kara warmly greeted her as she ran upstairs, quickly changing into a pair of denim cut-off shorts and an old college sweater with a hole in the collar. Coming back downstairs, Kara walked into the kitchen, where Eliza was setting the table, looking tired after a day at the hospital.

 

            “Busy day?” Kara asked, giving her a bright smile as she pulled two plates out of the cupboard and started spooning basmati rice onto them both.

 

            “Not really,” Eliza replied, “just some early flu shots, a few broken bones, and a nasty chest infection. It’ll be hectic soon with all the holidays in the next few months, so I’m enjoying the quiet while I can. How about you? The curry smells good.”

 

            Kara let out a quick laugh, giving her adoptive mom a quick grimace, “there would’ve been some banana bread too, but I messed that up. I copied your recipe, but I just can’t seem to get it right.”

 

            Eliza laughed, affectionately stroking Kara’s blonde hair as she walked past her, fetching a jug of lemonade, the circular slices bobbing in the pale yellow liquid as she set it down in the middle of the table. “We can make some this Saturday if you’d like. I’m off, so I can help you with it.”

 

            “Sounds great,” Kara agreed, taking the rice out of the microwave and spooning on some of the curry, which was simmering on the stove. Her stomach grumbled at the smell of it, and she handed the plate over to Eliza, before turning to her own plate and piling it up. “Hey, do you know the blind woman who lives here?”

 

            “Blind woman? You mean Lena?” Eliza asked, her fork halfway to her mouth as Kara dragged her chair out and set her plate down opposite her.

 

            Lena. That had to be her, and Kara smiled slightly at the sound of the name, finding that she liked it. “I guess so. Dark hair, loves colourful clothes.”

 

            “Mhm, that’s her,” Eliza agreed, “I wouldn’t say I _know_ her, but she’s been into the hospital a few times. She seems very sweet, and well mannered. Poor girl.”

 

            Tilting her head to the side, Kara frowned slightly in confusion, “why? What’s wrong with her?”

 

            “She’s here all alone. No family, no friends. She has to do everything for herself,” Eliza said, her voice full of pity. 

 

            Kara wasn’t sure what to make of it, because it didn’t look like Lena needed any help with anything. She’d offered to walk her home and Lena had just laughed in her face, as if the thought of it was ridiculous - although, Kara’s reasoning was rather stupid to a blind person. “I’ve seen her around a few times. She seems nice.”

 

            “I’m glad you’re making friends,” Eliza approvingly replied. 

 

            “I wouldn’t say that,” Kara laughed, “besides, I won’t be here that long. I’m applying for another job tomorrow; an online magazine wants a new sports journalist.”

 

            Eliza paused for a moment, giving Kara a confused look, before shoving a forkful of curry and rice into her mouth. Alex had already made fun of Kara earlier on when she mentioned it, and Kara knew she wasn’t exactly an expert, but she could learn. Not wanting to crush her hopes, Eliza swallowed her mouthful and gave her a reassuring smile. “Sounds great! How’s the book coming along too?”

 

            A hesitant smile flickered across Kara’s face, and she shrugged as she poked at her food, “it’s … early, but I’m hoping it’s good.”

 

            She was hoping that she’d hear that piano player again, craving the flood of inspiration the music had given her the first time she’d heard it. She was also hoping that she’d see Lena again, finding her captivating to talk to, despite her eccentric fashion choices. Midvale was turning out to have a lot of interesting characters, and Kara was hoping that the town would keep on giving as she wrote her book. She could have a reason to stay after all.


	4. Chapter 4

            She was sitting at one of the round metal tables outside the diner, soaking up what she expected to be the last of the sunny weather, a battered book open on the table before her while she absentmindedly stirred her latte. Over the past week, Kara had become more broody, hidden away inside the house except for her evening jogs, feeling more and more frustrated with her situation, until Eliza had kicked her out for some fresh air with a few notes pushed into her hand to buy herself lunch. Kara hated feeling like she couldn’t support herself, and she knew her adoptive mother only meant to help encourage her to enjoy herself, but to Kara, it almost felt like she was being pitied. Still, she’d taken her advice and pedaled into town, returned a few books to the library and checked out some more, and parked herself at the table for the rest of the morning. The smell of fresh coffee was a constant companion as she read, her eyes quickly skimming the pages while she enjoyed the clean air and the gentle breeze. Being outside always managed to clear Kara’s head, and after the thick air of National City, it was a welcome change to sit outside and not be assaulted by the smell of the sewers or choking car exhaust. If she’d come back to Midvale for any other reason, Kara would’ve enjoyed herself a lot more, but with the constant fear of being seen as a failure weighing down on her shoulders, the most she could manage was to shake away her negative thoughts and peacefully read for a while.

 

            By the time she’d finished her coffee and packed away her books, she found herself more relaxed and in a slightly better mood, thanking the waitress who was cleaning up dirty cups outside, and collecting her bike from where she’d propped it up against the side of her table. Wheeling it down the sidewalk, Kara swung a leg over the bike and placed her bag in the basket, before she started pedaling down the sidewalk, her blonde hair streaming out behind her as she rode through the middle of town. At the sight of a bright blue coat out of the corner of her eye, Kara whipped her head around, a bright smile crossing her face at the familiar dark hair, and she narrowly avoided crashing into a man wheeling boxes into the supermarket as she drifted. Shouting a quick apology at the man, who yelled after her, Kara cycled across the street, breaking as she reached the opposite curb and climbed off her bike.

 

            “Lena!” she called out, pushing her bike up the curb and walking towards her.

 

            “You know my name,” Lena smiled at her, immediately looking up at the sound of Kara’s voice.

 

            Kara laughed, her cheeks turning slightly pink as she rubbed the back of her neck, “yeah, I, uh, I asked my … mom.”

 

            “Are you sure about that?” Lena laughed, fumbling with her bags as she tried to unfold her cane, two segments snapping together.

 

            “About what?”

 

            “That you asked your mom.”

 

            Reaching out towards her, Kara hesitated slightly, “can I hold your bags for you?”

 

            Relinquishing them over to Kara’s hands, Lena managed to get the rest of the stick connected, holding it tightly in her right hand as she let the round ball on the end rest on the sidewalk. Kara held the heavy bags in one hand, the other keeping her bike balanced as she stared at Lena’s sweatpants - black with bright purple stars - smiling slightly to herself.

 

            A pale hand reaching out towards her made Kara look back up, and she realised that Lena was waiting for Kara to hand the bags back to her. “Oh, um, I can carry them for you if you’d like. I was heading home anyway,” Kara offered, a hopeful look on her face.

 

            “Oh, no, I couldn’t let you,” Lena declined her offer, a small smile playing on her lips, “I’m fine. Really.”

 

            “I know,” Kara softly replied, “but I _do_ have my bike here, so it would be nothing to hang them off the handlebars. They’re a bit heavy.” At the hesitant look on Lena’s face, Kara let out a quiet laugh, realising that her mystery girl wasn’t sure if she wanted to accept her help, and Eliza’s words about how she did everything herself came to Kara’s mind. “How about we take one each?”

 

            Smiling a little more, Lena nodded, holding a hand out for one of the bags, and Kara quickly weighed them both, giving her the lightest one. Waiting until Lena had the bag straps safely over her shoulder before they started walking, Kara fell into step beside Lena, and they both began their slow procession through town, neither of them speaking as they passed by shops and restaurants. Feeling slightly nervous, Kara opened her mouth, quickly closing it and peeking at Lena, before she opened it again. “I did ask her about your name,” she admitted, “she’s just … she’s not my _real_ mom.”

 

            “Step-mom?” Lena asked, turning to look at Kara, an unreadable expression on her face, half hidden behind her dark sunglasses.

 

            “Adoptive,” Kara said, shrugging slightly as she gave Lena a grim smile, even though the other woman couldn’t see her.

 

            Smiling slightly, Lena tilted her head to the side, giving Kara that feeling again, like she saw every inch of her, watching her carefully behind her sunglasses. “Huh. Interesting.”

 

            “Yeah?” Kara laughed in surprise, “well she said she knew you, kind of.”

 

            “Hm, well what’s her name?” Lena asked.

 

            Kara smiled, the chain on her bike rattling as the wheels slowly squeaked, making slow progress as Lena’s cane tapped side to side, more like a habit that an a necessity with Kara by her side. “Her name’s Eliza Danvers; she’s a-”

 

            “Doctor,” Lena finished for her, turning to flash Kara a quick smile, “yeah, I know her.”

 

            “Right, well I asked her about you,” Kara admitted, feeling her cheeks grow hot.

 

            To her surprise, Lena let out a loud laugh, throwing her head back, her white teeth flashing in the sunlight as her pink lips parted. “What’d you ask her? ‘Hey, do you know any blind people in town?’” Lena snorted.

 

            Cheeks flaming red, Kara ducked her head down, pushing her glasses up her nose as she let out an embarrassed laugh, “uh, yeah, something like that.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            “I wanted to know your name,” Kara blurted out.

 

            “Hm.”

 

            Peering up at the dark haired woman beside her, Kara gave her a curious look, finding herself eager to know what she was thinking. “What?’

 

            “Nothing,” Lena shrugged, “I just- I didn’t want to tell you my name.”

 

            “Oh,” Kara murmured, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise, “I’m sorry if I overstepped.”

 

            Smiling as she beared left, leading them down a side street that led towards the beach, Lena a shook her head, “you didn’t. I just liked the fact that you gave me your own nickname. I liked that you decided what to call me.”

 

            Blue eyes widening slightly, Kara smiled, “music girl?”

 

            “Mhm. I haven’t been given a nickname in a while,” Lena murmured, “haven’t really had someone keep appearing out of thin air to chat either.”

 

            Giving Lena a sheepish look, Kara gently bit her lip, “does it bother you that I keep popping up?”

 

            Lena blew the air out of her lungs, the wind tossing her dark hair around her head as the sidewalk gave way to a rough rocky path, and the last few shops in the centre of town gave way to a few trees and beach shacks. The wind had picked up as they neared the start of the sand dunes, and soon the trees gave way to coarse patches of grass and the path veered right. The sky was a pale blue, and the glimmer of water glimpsed over the edge of the sand dunes was an even deeper blue, and Kara watched as Lena deeply breathed in the smell of salt and warm sand. She turned to Kara, that same soft smile on her face as she deliberated, picking her words carefully. “No,” she quietly replied, “no. No one else bothers me, because it _did_ bother me when they did, so I stopped talking to them. You … when I talk to you, it doesn’t sound like you pity me, so you don’t bother me.”

 

            “Ah,” Kara muttered, “well, you don’t look like you need pitying, so-”

 

            Giving her a wry smile, Lena laughed, “so you’re not carrying my bag out of pity?”

 

            Hesitating, Kara joined in with her laughter, shaking her head as her eyes sparkled with mirth. “No, it’s definitely _not_ out of pity. You walked me home last week, so I thought I’d return the favour.”

 

            “How generous of you,” Lena mused, turning her head to the left as if she was looking out over the water, a blissful look on her face as she breathed in the clean air sweeping in with the wind. 

 

            Kara could see a few teenagers bobbing up and down in the sea, straddling surfboards as they relaxed after a long day shut up in classrooms. It was a bit too cold for a swim, in Kara’s opinion, but the rolling waves looked inviting as they came sweeping in, crashing on the shore while the white surf rushed up the beach, erasing the footprints that a woman walking her dog was leaving in her wake, before the water was dragged back down into the sea. They fell silent as they walked, mostly because Kara found herself flustered and nervous in Lena’s presence, not knowing what else to say, and Lena was too busy listening to the rhythm of the waves and the sound of the wind, her mind occupied with the harmony the elements were making.

 

            They walked up the gentle incline as the beach gave way to craggy cliffs covered in grass, trees crowding at the base of them while the two women wound their way along the coastline, the leaves already wilting as the first touches of autumn swept through the town. It wouldn’t be long before the ground was full of fallen leaves, in every shade of red and yellow, and Kara’s walks through the woods was carpeted by crunchy leaves and the smell of them rotting mingled with the smell of moss. Kara wondered if she’d still be here then, or if she’d be back in National City by then, trading in a forest of ivy covered trees and rotting logs for a maze of steel and glass skyscrapers and a new job. Hopefully that would be the case, although she wouldn’t deny that she’d missed autumns in Midvale.

 

            “It’s right here,” Lena quietly interrupted Kara’s thoughts as they neared a fork in the path, and Kara’s eyebrows rose slightly, a small smile on her lips as she stared at Lena in wonder.

 

            She’d never met a blind person before, and it was surprising just how much Lena was aware of, and Kara made for the right fork, her bike quietly clicking as the wheels and chain turned. The sand beneath their feet gave way to earth and grass, and they passed beneath the shadowy canopy of trees, dappling their skin with sunlight and darkness as the path turned from trampled earth to cement. The smell of flowers and plants cut through the salty tang in the air, and Kara looked to the left, past Lena, to look at the overgrown patch of grass peeking out from between the dark, ivy covered trunks of trees. Flowers of every colour were blooming in waist-high grass, which waved gently in the breeze, and Kara squinted at the building she saw nestled amongst them, set a bit further back.

 

            “Hey! Wait! Stop here a second,” Kara said, reaching out to gently touch Lena on the arm, the brief contact stopping Lena in her tracks at the surprise of being touched. She didn’t tell Kara, but she was so touch-starved that the feeling of Kara reaching out to touch her made her feel warm inside.

 

            “What’s wrong?” Lena asked.

 

            Kara smiled brightly, wheeling her bike past Lena and leaning it against a tree. Brushing a low hanging branch aside, Kara stepped through the treeline and stared up at the building - a grey house with white shutters and large windows - realising that it was the same one she’d stumbled upon the first time she’d heard the piano player, only this time she was looking at the left side of the house and the front porch.

 

            “Nothing’s _wrong_ ,” Kara called back over her shoulder, taking in the sight of Lena, frozen where Kara had stopped her, grocery bag still over one shoulder while her cane was clutched tightly in her hand. “I just- I know this place. The person who lives here … they play the most beautiful music. I like to come and sit on the beach and listen to them play. It’s piano. I’ve never heard anything like it; I feel like I'm in a dream.”

 

            Lena let out a quick laugh, shaking her head as she carried on walking. Frowning, Kara hurried to grab her bike and follow after Lena, wondering what was so funny. But then the path ended as they came to the sidewalk bordering on the road, and Lena turned left and then left again, up the long driveway leading towards the house. Pausing her a second, Kara frowned again, before she spluttered, rushing after Lena. _“Hey! You_ live here?”

 

            Laughing again, Lena stopped in her tracks, turning slightly to look at Kara, her heavy eyebrows rising over the plastic frames of her sunglasses as she gave Kara an amused look. “Mhm.”

 

            “So … the piano player,” Kara slowly asked, wondering who else lived here.

 

            “Oh, well, that’s me too,” Lena lightly replied.

 

            _“You?!”_ Kara exclaimed, an incredulous look on her face.

 

            Shrugging, Lena carried on walking up the path, and Kara stared around at the overgrown garden, realising that it wasn’t intentional - Lena couldn’t do it all herself. They reached the front porch, and Kara stopped at the bottom of the few steps, leaning her pink bike against the grey wooden slats of the house, taking Lena’s grocery bag off the handle and turning to watch as Lena’s cane hit the bottom step. Not wanting to presume that Lena needed her help, Kara slowly ascended beside her, watching with interest as Lena took carefully measured steps - three up the stairs and then five across the front porch - before she reached into one of the pockets on her blue coat and produced a key. Feeling for the keyhole with her fingertips, she fiddled with the key, until she managed to fit it in the lock and get the door open.

 

            It was dark inside, and Kara realised that all of the shutters were locked shut, pitching the whole house into gloominess, despite it being the middle of the day. As she hovered on the doorstep, looking down at a strange doormat with chickens on it, she listened to Lena confidently walk inside, setting her groceries down on the wooden floor and start to take her cane apart. Picking her bag back up, she started walking down the dark hallway, before she paused and turned around, her face hidden in the shadows. “Well, aren’t you coming inside?”

 

            “Oh, um, sure,” Kara stammered, quickly stepping inside and shutting the door behind her. 

 

            Whatever light had been streaming in through the front door was gone the second it clicked shut behind her, and Kara squinted as she tried to see through the darkness. Lena carried on walking ahead, and Kara only caught glimpses of her outline, settling for following the sound of her light tread as she followed after her. She bumped into a side table in the hallway, stubbed her foot on the doorframe, and banged her hip on the corner of a table, biting back a curse, before she realised that they were in the kitchen, and quickly set Lena’s bag down on one of the counters, which she could barely make out in the dark. Unaware of Kara’s troubles, Lena quickly started unpacking her bags, putting an assortment of vegetables and packets of grains and lentils away, occasionally illuminating the room when she needed to put something in the fridge, giving Kara a chance to look around the room. The kitchen was spacious and modern, decorated in light shades of cream, grey and a pale green, largely dominated by a round table and chairs and the massive stove. The whole place smelled like fresh herbs and flowers, mixed with the gentle scent of vanilla and cleaning products. 

 

            Lena paused halfway through and looked down at the punnet of blueberries she was holding in her hand, not quite knowing where Kara was standing. “You can sit down. Sorry, I should’ve told you before; please, make yourself at home.”

 

            “Thanks,” Kara said, turning around and fumbling for the table, her fingertips hesitantly reaching out to find the back of a chair and carefully pull it out, trying not to let the legs scrape along the tiled floor.

 

            A few minutes later and the sound of running water reached Kara’s ears as the tap turned on, and she turned to watch as Lena’s shadowy figure filled up something from the sink beneath the wide shuttered windows. Four steps across the kitchen and a quiet click, and then Lena was asking her if she would like some tea, and Kara readily agreed, happy to stay for a while longer. It wasn’t long before Lena was carefully setting a cup of tea down for her, reaching for a coaster so it didn’t mark the table, and dragging a chair out for herself, at a right angle to Kara. 

 

            “Thank you,” Kara quietly said, somehow feeling the need to talk quietly because it was dark.

 

            “You’re welcome,” Lena replied, sounding faintly amused. “You also sound surprised.”

 

            Letting out a slightly embarrassed laugh, Kara wrapped her hands around the teacup, letting the scalding warmth of the fine china burn her palms. “Right. Yes, well, it’s just … I don’t know anyone else who’s blind, and you seem so ... “

 

            “Normal?”

 

            “Capable,” Kara corrected her, not liking her use of the word normal - it almost seemed like an insult to say that Lena wasn’t like everyone else just because she couldn’t see. From just a few short interactions with her, Kara could see that Lena was wittier, cleverer and funnier than most people she knew. The only thing about her that Kara would say was odd was her fashion sense, but even then, it seemed as if she was doing it to be ironic.

 

            Letting out a short laugh, Lena was quiet for a few moments. _“Capable._ That sounds like a rather odd compliment, but thank you. I like to think I am capable.”

 

            “Well, I doubt I could make a cup of tea in the dark,” Kara laughed.

 

            “The dark,” Lena muttered, before letting out an exasperated sigh, “shit. I didn’t turn any lights on for you. Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

            Kara blinked in surprise, a small laugh escaping her as she smiled at Lena, “it seemed … I don’t know, stupid to ask.”

 

            “Stupid?” Lena snorted, sounding amused, “you haven’t been able to see a thing since we came in here! And I know that because I know all of my shutters are locked. Christ. Let me find a switch for you. I’m not even sure if the bulbs work - you’re the first guest I’ve had here.”

 

            Feeling somewhat pleased that she was the only person to be invited into Lena’s house, Kara listened to her climb to her feet and go off in search of a light switch, letting out a triumphant shout a few minutes later when she found one, flicking it on and flooding the room with a yellow light that made Kara’s eyes water at the suddenness of it. “Thank you,” Kara muttered, lifting her glasses so that she could wipe at her streaming eyes.

 

            Sitting back down, Lena sat back in her chair, which had her coat draped over the back of it, and Kara smiled at the emerald green t-shirt she was wearing, embroidered with a yellow sunflower over the heart. They were quiet for a few moments before Lena gently cleared her throat, shifting slightly in her seat. “How come you haven’t asked about me yet?”

 

            Pausing for a moment, Kara opened and closed her mouth, wondering whether she should ask Lena to be more specific about what she hadn’t asked, but knowing that Lena was clearly talking about her blindness. She didn’t want to be patronising or play stupid, and so she gently sighed, pressing her lips together in a grim line as she breathed in the fruity smell of the wildberry tea. “It seemed rude to ask,” Kara admitted, “and none of my business. Besides, you haven’t pried into my private life.”

 

            “I mean, I have a little,” Lena said, giving her a sheepish look as she reached up to take her dark sunglasses off.

 

            Kara froze for a moment, finding herself shocked at the sight of Lena’s eyes. She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting - perhaps closed eyes, or milky white irises, because that’s how they always seemed to be in movies - but instead, they were a clear green. A beautiful green. She didn’t know what to say, because Lena was staring at her so intently that Kara felt sure that she was seeing her - really seeing her. Licking her lips, Kara blinked a few times, finding herself spellbound by Lena’s eyes. Loving the way that one of them was a little greener than the other, and how they seemed to have rings of blue and yellow in them, adding to the greenness of them at a distance. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Kara dropped her eyes to the purplish tea before her and quickly took a sip, feeling her cheeks warm slightly. She’d never had such a visceral reaction to anything before, and she quickly cleared her throat as she pushed her thoughts aside.

 

            “I don’t mind you asking questions,” Kara told her.

 

            “Neither do I,” Lena told her, that familiar half-smile curling her lips, and Kara couldn’t help but look back up at her eyes, checking to see if the smile reached them, and feeling her own lips curl up into a smile when she found that it did. Her green eyes were sparkling with amusement.

 

            Nervously tucking her hair behind her ears, Kara ducked her head down again, tracing a fingernail along the wood grain pattern of the table. “Do people usually ask you?”

 

            Letting out a sharp laugh, Lena raised her cup of tea to her lips, taking a quick sip and giving Kara an amused look. “Oh yeah. _All_ the time. Sometimes it’s the first thing they ask. Strangers. Kids. Old people. And even when they don’t ask, I can feel them wanting to. You don’t give me that kind of vibe though. I feel like we could talk about everything else, and you’d still never ask.”

 

            Shrugging, Kara smiled, “probably not.”

 

            “I wasn’t _always_ blind, you know,” Lena told her, “but now I am. Completely. Not a lot of people are completely blind, even if they’re blind, but I guess I got the short end of that stick. But still, it’s not … dark. I know that sounds stupid, because I can’t see, but I know what I’m seeing.”

 

            “So when I close my eyes and it’s dark … that’s not what you see?” Kara tentatively asked.

 

            Smiling, revealing the dimples in her cheeks, Lena shook her head. “No. Right now it’s … turquoise … with little orange flecks. And now it’s red- wait, brown. I get those stars and galaxies things, like when you rub your eyes too hard. I used to think I was going blind when I did that when I was little. Turns out you see that when you’re blind too, so.”

 

            “Oh, I-I didn’t know that,” Kara murmured, unsure of what else to say. She didn’t want to pity Lena - she knew the other woman wouldn’t appreciate it - and she didn’t want to ask her how it had happened, because she still thought that it would be rude, especially when Lena had just said that she was always asked it by people she spoke to. Kara had the feeling that that was one of the reasons why she avoided talking to people

 

            “Yeah, not a lot of people really know about it,” Lena said, grimacing slightly, “but I guess that it is the main thing people notice about me when they look at me. So I’m not really that bitter about them asking me. It’s just a bit annoying.”

 

            Taking a sip of tea, Kara smiled at the small crease between Lena’s eyebrows, not mentioning the fact that a lot of people would probably notice her clothes before they noticed the white cane in her hands. “Well I know for me the first thing I noticed was a woman standing on the edge of a very steep cliff with very jagged rocks below. Took me a couple of meetings to even realise you were blind. I’ll admit, I felt quite stupid afterwards.”

 

            Laughing, Lena wrinkled her nose as she flashed her teeth at Kara, her cheeks dimpling at the wide smile on her face. “Yeah, I did think it was funny. I was secretly hoping we’d run into each other again just so I could see the look on your face - well, not look, but you get my meaning. I’m sure it was priceless.”

 

            “I’m not sure if I was more surprised about you being blind, or you being my mysterious piano player,” Kara grumbled, “although now that I think about it, I shouldn’t even be surprised about that.”

 

            “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

 

            “Because you wouldn’t even tell me your name!” Kara exclaimed, letting out an exasperated laugh, “mysterious music girl and mysterious piano player … you’d think a reporter would be better at putting clues together.”

 

            Lena smiled, tilting her head to the side as she looked at Kara, “mysterious, huh? I didn’t realise I was being mysterious.”

 

            Fighting back a blush, Kara ran her fingertip around the rim of her teacup, “I go jogging along the beach every evening, just when the sun’s about to set. You’re always playing around then, so I sit and stay until I know Eliza will be home for dinner. I guess now I know why I didn’t hear any when I saw you on the beach that day.”

 

            “Sorry for disappointing you,” Lena smiled, a pleased look on her face, “sometimes I go and listen to the waves so I can come up with new songs.”

 

            “Wait, you compose those yourself?” Kara incredulously asked, her eyebrows shooting up as she looked at Lena in disbelief. 

 

            Looking a little embarrassed, Lena gave her a self-conscious shrug, “I’m a composer.”

 

            “You’re … _brilliant_ ,” Kara breathlessly told her, “I’ve never heard anything like them.”

 

            Her pale cheeks gaining a little colour as she blushed, Lena let her dark hair fall in her face, forming a curtain between her and Kara. “Well, I’ve never played them for anyone, so I’m glad you think so.”

 

            “You’ve never- _why?!”_ Kara exclaimed, “they’re amazing! Better than amazing. I could listen to you play all day. But how do you-”

 

            Letting out a quiet chuckle, Lena raised her head, her eyes crinkling slightly at the corners as she smiled at Kara, one corner of her mouth quirking up higher than the other. “How do I play if I’m blind? Any good piano player should be able to play and read sheet music at the same time. You shouldn’t watch your fingers, you should know where the keys are, like how ballroom dancers shouldn’t watch their feet, and baseballers shouldn’t keep their eye on the ball. I guess it’s a good thing I was already a prodigy at something that I could do blind.”

 

            “I guess now I know what you were listening for on that cliff,” Kara said, a wry smile on her lips at the memory of her thinking Lena was trying to jump. 

 

            “Mm, maybe I’ll let you in on the song that I wrote that day,” Lena told her, a teasing smile on her face as she arched an eyebrow, “but only for a price.”

 

            Unable to stop herself from smiling, Kara found herself subconsciously leaning towards Lena, picking up on the tiny scar beneath her eyebrow, the unbidden question of how she got it flitting across her mind. “And what price is that?”

 

            As if Lena was pulled towards her, she leant forward too, lowering her voice as if it was a secret between the two of them, “a story. You’d better make it good, storyteller.”

 

            Draining her tea, Kara took Lena’s empty cup and took them over to the sink, where she quickly washed them and left them to drain on the rack, before she wiped her hands on a dish towel and walked back over to Lena, who slowly climbed to her feet. Shoving her hands into her pockets, Kara looked down at Lena, biting her lip as she smiled. “I’ll be back with a story then, music girl,” Kara promised, “say … Saturday. If you’re free.”

 

            “On Saturday then,” Lena agreed, her face lighting up slightly, and Kara couldn’t help but feel warm at the prospect of something to look forward to. 

 

            Lena walked her down the dim hallway, and Kara pulled open the door, stepping out into the bright sunlight. She turned around, hesitating as she gave Lena a shy smile, even knowing that the other woman couldn’t see her. “Well, have a good day then. I’ll see you on Saturday.”

 

            “Have a good day too,” Lena told her, smirking slightly, “I’ll play something nice at sunset for you.”

 

            Letting out a surprised laugh, Kara shook her head, turning around and quickly walking down the front porch steps. She balanced her bike and climbed on it, shading her eyes as she looked at Lena, who was hovering in the doorway, and almost waved goodbye again, before catching herself. “Bye, music girl.”

 

            “Bye, storyteller.”


	5. Chapter 5

            Knocking loudly on the door, Kara stood underneath the shaded roof of the porch, staring at the white wooden door, the paint peeling slightly, and breathed in the smell of the flowering, overgrown garden behind her. Her pink bike was leaning against the pale grey wooden slats of the house, and her bag was slung over one shoulder as she patiently listened for the slow footsteps walking downstairs, before the rattling sound of the chain being drawn back reached her ears, followed by the turning of a lock and the squeak as the door was finally pulled open.

 

            “Expecting a break-in, Beethoven?” Kara asked, a look of mild amusement.

 

            “Ah, Dickens,” Lena dryly greeted her, stepping aside, a look of mirth in her green eyes, “would you like to come in?”

 

            Brushing past her, Kara quietly laughed at the new nickname, hanging her bag and her jacket up on one of the coat hooks near the door, listening to Lena shut the door - this time foregoing the locks - plunging them into darkness. Without the bright sunlight and balmy weather inviting itself inside, Kara shivered slightly in the hallway, her bare arms rippling with goosebumps, and peered around the gloomy place.

 

            “A blind woman living alone makes for an easy target if you can’t defend yourself,” Lena smoothly explained, stepping past Kara as if she could clearly see where she was standing. 

 

            Following her down the hallway, squinting as she tried to make out the dark outline of Lena in the dark, Kara’s eyebrows rose slightly. Midvale wasn’t a big town, and it certainly wasn’t a troublesome town - for her - and she couldn’t help but wonder what it was like for a blind woman. A woman who couldn’t see if someone was following her home at a distance, or if they were waiting in alleyways late at night to jump her and steal her money. She wondered if that was why Lena didn’t go outside very often; people must take advantage of her and thought her blindness made her incapable, but Kara knew better than to underestimate her. “Are people bothering you?” Kara haltingly asked, frowning slightly as she followed Lena down the hallway.

 

            She almost bumped into her when Lena abruptly stopped, listening to the sound of her hand brushing against the wall, until a click sounded and the kitchen was plunged into light - for Kara’s benefit. Lena carried on walking into the kitchen, her movements surefooted and surprisingly graceful, filling the silver kettle up with water, pulling two floral teacups from the cupboards and lining them up on the counter. “No, it’s just kids being harmless. Knocking on my door to try and get me to answer. Throwing rocks at the shutters,” Lena sighed, “it’s irritating more than anything. I’m just cautious though.”

 

            A disapproving look flickered across Kara’s face, and she pressed her lips together in a grim line. “Can I help you with anything?”

 

            “You could sit down,” Lena laughed, looking in Kara’s direction, her sightless eyes drifting past where Kara was standing, looking impossibly green against the bright purple dress she was wearing today.

 

            “I meant-“

 

            “I know what you meant,” Lena curtly replied, “but come on, I’m practically the town’s Boo Radley. I half brought it on myself by becoming such a recluse.”

 

            Softly sighing, Kara walked over to the table and pulled a chair out, making sure it didn’t screech across the tiles, and sat down. Looking at Lena, she couldn’t help the small smile that curled the corners of her lips - skin so pale that it was almost translucent, lavender shadows beneath her eyes that might not have been so noticeable if she’d had a bit of colour in her cheeks, dark hair falling down to her lower back in soft waves that made her seem well suited to shadows and hiding away as she hunched her shoulders slightly. She had the look of someone who was used to staying indoors - perhaps almost craved the solitude it brought her. “Well, you certainly look like him. A few more years and you’ll be a bonafide hermit. In twenty, you might even become a legend around town. They’ll be saying you’re a witch who kidnaps little kids from the forest, and drowns them in the sea on a full moon.”

 

            Letting out a loud laugh, Lena smiled as she shook her head, drifting over to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of milk. “Well that sounds like a lot of hard work. They have high expectations for a blind woman,” Lena mused, “I’m not sure I could be bothered with the fuss of it all, to be honest, but my mother did always say I lack my family’s drive to challenge myself. To reach my full potential.”

 

            “Well based on the sound of your piano playing, I don’t think that’s true. The piece last night was beautiful,” Kara softly told her, the melody she’d heard drifting towards her on the beach coming back to her. It had been a gentle song, and it had taken Lena a few trials and errors before she’d perfected it, and Kara had stayed to listen to her play it all the way through three times before she’d gone home for dinner.

 

            “I wondered if you were listening,” Lena murmured, filling the cups with boiling water and adding a splash of milk. Kara noticed that she was smiling slightly, gently biting her lower lip as if she was trying to hold it back, and she smiled in response, watching as Lena finished making the tea and slowly carried both cups over to the table. Reaching for two coasters, Kara gently placed a hand on one of Lena’s hand, causing the other woman to jump, coming perilously close to spilling tea everywhere as it sloshed inside the cup, and took the tea off her, setting it down on the coaster. Gently taking Lena’s hand in her own, marvelling at the softness of her long, slender fingers - she definitely had hands made for playing the piano - Kara placed it on the other coaster so that Lena didn’t have to fumble around for it. “Thank you,” Lena murmured, the expression on her face unreadable as she sank down onto a chair, “so, what’d you think?”

 

            Tilting her head to the side as she observed her, flushing slightly as Lena stared back at her with her piercing eyes, Kara smiled, “about the song? It was … breathtaking.”

 

            Lena pursed her lips slightly, before she nodded, “okay.”

 

            “Okay?” Kara laughed, “what, you don’t think so?”

 

            “Well … I just play what gets stuck in my head. I’ve never had much feedback on my playing. Not since I was still taking lessons,” Lena shrugged, “it’s unusual, but I’m glad I can have someone who’s objective. You probably feel the same with your writing.”

 

            A wry smile crossed Kara’s face, “well my sister and friends weren’t very objective; they were more … supportive.”

 

            “Rightly so,” Lena said, taking a sip of her tea, “I loved your article about LuthorCorp and the extortion of their customers when it comes to the prices of their drugs.”

 

            Kara choked on the sip of tea she’d just taken, coughing as she quickly set her cup back down, “you read my articles?”

 

            Quietly laughing, Lena shrugged, her eyes crinkling slightly at the corners as a dimple appeared in one slightly pink cheek. “I was curious when you said you were a writer. I looked you up. I thought you said you _weren’t_ a journalist.”

 

            “I’m not anymore,” Kara haltingly replied, wincing slightly. She didn’t want to tell Lena she’d been fired - they barely knew each other, which didn’t diminish the fact that they got along well, but it didn’t mean they were ready to spill their whole life stories to each other - and she cleared her throat as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “It’s, uh, well … I worked for a magazine in National City for a while … which you obviously know because that’s where the article was printed.”

 

            “Mm,” Lena murmured, “well personally, I loved it.”

 

            Kara laughed, shaking her head as she smiled down at her lap, before peeking up at Lena. “Why? Do you have a personal vendetta against the company?”

 

            “Yes,” Lena replied, a wry smile on her lips as she looked at Kara, “the CEO and I have our differences.”

 

            “Oh,” Kara murmured, unsure of what to say. She didn’t want to ask what kind of business Lena was in to have crossed paths with Lillian Luthor. “I’ve never met her. I tried to schedule an interview, but she’s a tough woman to get ahold of. Apparently she didn’t have enough time, so I managed to get ahold of the company’s CFO instead.”

 

            Some unreadable expression flickered in the depths of Lena’s green eyes, and Kara tilted her head to the side as she watched her with interest. “Yeah, that sounds like her,” Lena muttered, “no time for anyone but herself. At least you didn’t get bullied into pulling your punches in the article. I’m surprised she didn’t ruin your life after it was published though. She’s a ruthless woman when it comes to her business.”

 

            Kara let out a quick laugh, thinking about how there was nothing left to ruin now - she’d ruined it herself - and she sighed. “Well, I’m sure anyone would be protective over what they’ve worked hard on.”

 

            Shrugging, Lena abruptly climbed to her feet, making Kara wonder if she’d said something wrong, walking over to a cupboard and fumbling inside, before she walked back over to the table with a packet of biscuits and set them down on the table, nudging them towards Kara. “Tea is always better with biscuits,” she murmured, sitting back down.

 

            Eyebrows rising slightly, Kara gave her an amused look, pulling a crumbling shortbread biscuit out of the packet and placing it beside Lena’s hand, so the blue plastic wrapper was brushing her skin, and watched as Lena deftly pulled one out, taking a demure bite as she stared unblinkingly at Kara. The silence stretched on for a few moments, and Kara fumbled, finding herself tongue-tied in Lena’s presence, despite the calm and relaxed manner of the other woman, leaning back in her chair, the skirts of her purple dress neatly splayed across her thighs. 

 

            “So, uh, how old were you when you started playing piano?” Kara asked.

 

            “Three,” Lena replied, “how old were you when you started writing?”

 

            Kara paused for a moment, a pained smile on her face, before she answered, “thirteen.”

 

            “You sound upset about that,” Lena pointed out, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion as she stared intently at Kara, almost as if she was trying to see the expression on her face.

 

            Closing her eyes, Kara drew in a shaky breath and sighed, running her fingertip around the rim of her cup as her eyelids fluttered open. She could feel Lena’s eyes on her, even though she knew Lena wasn’t actually looking at her, and felt pressured to say something - anything - so that they could move past it. “My parents died then. I didn’t- my writing didn’t come from a good place. It wasn’t something I enjoyed doing … I just- I _had_ to. I had to do something.”

 

            “Then why do you write now?” Lena asked, her curiosity evident on her face as she slowly reached out for the packet of biscuits, and Kara prodded it towards her until her hand brushed against it.

 

            “I write because nobody listens,” Kara sighed, sounding weary as she sank down in her chair, “not that it does any good. I doubt my words have ever made anyone stop and listen.”

 

            A faint smile appeared on Lena’s lips, lighting up her eyes slightly, “they made me stop and listen.”

 

            “That was just a stupid story,” Kara mumbled, her cheeks turning red as she ran a hand through her hair, “no one cares about anything real. My articles are about as useful as a chocolate watch when it comes to making people pay attention to the real world.”

 

            “Well, all watches are useless to me, so,” Lena shrugged, and Kara let out a surprised laugh, her eyebrows rising slightly as her face lit up with a smile.

 

            “You’re quite strange,” Kara said, giving Lena a warily amused look as she reached for another biscuit.

 

            Delicately arching an eyebrow, Lena’s lips turned down slightly at the corners, and she cocked her head to the side, “because I can’t see?”

 

            Sighing, Kara rolled her eyes, “no, I’m talking personality wise, not physically. You just … you’re witty and sharp, and I like that. People tend not to be so forward these days and they care more about looks than they care about people. You don’t seem like a shallow person, and you’re more upfront. I like it.”

 

            Draining her cup of tea, Lena climbed to her feet and carried her cup to the sink, before beckoning for Kara to follow after her. Quickly draining her own cup, she climbed to her feet and followed after her, back down the hallway, which was bathed in a soft yellow light flooding in from the kitchen behind them. She watched as Lena grabbed hold of the bannister lining the staircase and began to walk upstairs, her footsteps echoing in the quiet house, and Kara walked closely behind her. There were no photos on the walls, and with grim realisation, Kara became aware of the fact that there was no one here to look at photos. Only Lena, who couldn’t. It explained the bareness of the place, from what she had seen so far. The only personal touches she’d seen so far were the small pots of herbs lining the windowsill above the kitchen sink, and it was some small miracle that they were still alive, what with the shuttered windows and the general darkness of the house.

 

            Upstairs, Lena open a white wooden door leading into a dark room and walked inside, hesitating for a second before she turned around. “I’m not sure where the lightswitch is in here.”

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Kara fumbled along the wall, and at the flick of a switch the room flooded with light, revealing a spacious bathroom. Unsure of what they were doing in there, she hovered inside the doorway, taking in the large shower, the row of counters with a big sink and a neat row of moisturisers and perfumes. It was all white and grey and the marble floor spoke of Lena’s wealth, although Kara hadn’t picked up on it before. It didn’t show in the way she dressed, and it didn’t show in her behaviours or the peeling paint of her house, but the sheer size of it for one woman, who for all Kara knew was unemployed, should’ve tipped her off about her obvious wealth. Instead, it had been the mention of Lillian Luthor, and now Kara couldn’t help but wonder about what Lena did. Pushing her questions aside for the time being, she took a cautious step inside, watching as Lena turned and stared into the massive mirror above the sink.

 

            “Come here,” Lena told her, and Kara quickly crossed over to her, standing beside her and looking down with a confused look on her face. Oblivious, Lena continued, her eyes sightlessly trained onto her reflection in the mirror. “Look.”

 

            “At what?”

 

            “The mirror.”

 

            “Okay,” Kara hesitantly laughed, staring into her own blue eyes and grimacing at her lipstick, which had been half worn away, probably ringing the rim of her teacup downstairs. 

 

            Lena smiled - to herself, Kara assumed - and turned her head slightly in Kara’s direction. “What do you see?”

 

            Frowning, Kara looked down at Lena, “myself?”

 

            “Yeah, but what about yourself?” Lena asked, giving her an exasperated look that made Kara want to laugh again.

 

            Turning back to the mirror, she saw herself biting her lip, her lips turned up at the corners and her eyes crinkling. “My lipstick is messed up from the tea. My hair is tangled because of the bike ride over here. I’ve got a little scar just above my left eyebrow - I hate that scar - and I can see that too.”

 

            “See? It’s impossible _not_ to care about how you look, even if you’re not shallow - and you don’t strike me as a shallow person,” Lena laughed, walking towards the counters and bracing herself against them. She reached up with one hand and gently pressed the fingertips of her right hand against the mirror, and in her reflection, Kara saw a flicker of pain, but Lena whirled around just as quickly, leaning back against it as she stared in Kara’s direction. “I’m not _not_ shallow, I just can’t see myself so I don’t have to give a shit about how I look. But god I used to. I was _so_ vain. So shallow and snobby. I come from big money, and I was spoilt. Not with a loving family, but I had everything I could ever want. I was perfect back then - I was thirteen when I went blind - old enough to know that I could sweet talk my way out of trouble, and if that didn’t work, my mom would bail me out with money.”

 

            “Going blind … well to say that was the shock of a lifetime would be an understatement. But it put things into perspective,” she laughed, the sound bitter and humourless, and Kara flinched slightly, standing there in silence, “I didn’t give a shit after that. I guess somewhere along the way, that somehow meant that I wasn’t shallow anymore.”

 

            “I’m sorry,” Kara murmured when Lena fell silent.

 

            Turning back around to face the mirror, Lena braced herself against the counters, her dark hall falling into her face, but Kara still saw the way her face tightened. “Yeah, well, unless your name’s Lillian you have nothing to be sorry for,” Lena muttered, using Kara’s words from the day on the beach.

 

            “Lillian,” Kara hesitantly echoed, wondering if Lena meant Lillian Luthor.

 

            “My mother,” Lena curtly replied, “well, adoptive mother, turned step-mother. Whatever she is, she’s my mom.”

 

            Lena pushed herself off the counters and brushed past Kara, her hand gently grazing Kara’s, making her pause for a moment, before she walked out into the dark hallway. Kara followed behind, switching the light off and closing the bathroom door, before she followed Lena down the hallway, her footsteps loud on the wooden floor, compared to the quiet padding of Lena’s bare feet. She was surprised they didn’t go back downstairs, and Kara smiled when the light was turned on in the room Lena brought them to, revealing a large black grand piano dominating the far side of the room. The big windows were still shuttered, but the room felt big and open, the piano drawing Kara towards it like a magnet. Lena took a seat on the dark leather sofa pushed up against the wall on the other side of the room though, and Kara followed after her, leaving a small gap between them as they sat down.

 

            “So, any questions yet?” Lena asked, giving Kara a wry smile, “or are you still insisting on not being invasive?”

 

            “Hm, well I do have questions, but it’s a yes to not being invasive.”

 

            “Hmph, well, I guess I’ll ask one then,” Lena said, pursing her lips slightly as she stared at Kara.

 

            Freezing as if she’d been caught in a spotlight, Kara blinked in surprise, her hands subconsciously curling into fists, leaving crescent moon shapes on her palms. She wouldn’t like - she was a terrible liar - but she also didn’t really want to get into the thick of things with someone she barely knew. “Shoot.”

 

            “What do you look like?” Lena asked, sounding curious as she frowned slightly, her head tilting to the side. “Seeing as you’re the only person I’ve had a long conversation with who hasn’t asked if I want to feel their face.”

 

            “Oh,” Kara quietly exclaimed, blinking in surprise. Whatever question she’d been expecting Lena to ask, it wasn’t that, and she stumbled slightly, realising that she’d never had to explain her looks to someone before. Usually she had to explain her interests and hobbies, not her looks. “Um … I’m blonde. I’ve got blue eyes. Five foot nine. Twenty-six, but I’m told that I’m very naive so people tend to think I’m younger. I, uh, yeah, I’ve got that scar I told you about. I wear glasses too, so that’s … yeah. Um, that’s about it.”

 

            Lena listened with rapt attention, drinking in the details, and her eyes fluttered closed, her dark lashes brushing her cheeks, and Kara smiled slightly, wondering if she was trying to imagine what Kara looked like in her mind’s eye. And then they opened again, and she was staring at Kara with her piercing green eyes, lips curled up into a smile and a slightly arched eyebrow.

 

            “Are you pretty?”

 

            “Well, I, uh-”

 

            “Yes or no. You’re _allowed_ to think you’re pretty. I mean, I know I _was_ pretty, but god knows what I look like now. I like to imagine that I’m still pretty though.”

 

            A loud laugh fell unbidden from Kara’s lips as she gave Lena an incredulous look. The least of what Lena was was pretty - it seemed like a plain compliment to pay her - and Kara stared at her with wonder, taking in the prominent cheekbones, the thick eyebrows, perfectly bowed lips and the sharp jawline. And then there were her eyes, looking as green as the sea on a pale summer’s day, and Kara didn’t think twice before she spoke.

 

            “You’re actually the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen,” she blurted out before she could stop herself, freezing with her mouth open as she felt the blood rush to her face, turning bright red.

 

            “Well … thank you,” Lena said, biting her lip as she tried not to smile, “I’d return the compliment but well … I’m blind.”

 

            Nervously laughing, Kara ducked her head down, fiddling with her glasses as she tried to escape Lena’s intense stare. “No problem,” she meekly replied, her cheeks still slightly rosy.

 

            “So, are you or aren’t you?”

 

            Hesitating, Kara shrugged, “I don’t know. I mean, I guess so.”

 

            “So, pretty, smart, funny, kind … what the fuck was your asshole ex thinking?” Lena asked, giving her a soft smile. 

 

            “Yeah, well, that’s just one of my _many_ mistakes,” Kara sighed, “my sister wasn’t very fond of him. I think I should’ve trusted her judgement - she’s a detective.”

 

            “Older or younger?”

 

            “Older.”

 

            Lena let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head slightly, “yeah, older siblings have the annoying tendency of being right about things all the time.”

 

            “Brother or sister?” Kara asked, venturing a question.

 

            “Brother,” Lena curtly replied, giving her a tight smile, “now, how about that story you came here to tell me?”

 

            Blowing all the air out of her lungs, Kara let her eyes wander around the room, taking in the stack of books on an end table beside the arm of the sofa, their spines holding a smatter of dots - braille, Kara realised - and she drummed her finger on the arm of the leather sofa.

 

            “Okay, well seeing as you don’t know much about the town’s history, there’s this one I heard when I first moved here, about this man who used to live in a house a few miles outside the town limits. He used to go hunting all the time, and he had this big dog - I think it was a German Shepherd - and like, he _really_ loved this dog. He got married and they had a kid, but he always had this dog too. One day, in the middle of winter, he went hunting and left his dog at home, only to come home to find his wife not home. Turns out she left him, but that’s another story. So he goes into his house, and there’s his dog with his muzzle covered in blood. So at this point the man’s a bit wary because his wife clearly isn’t home, so he went upstairs and into the baby’s nursery, finding the door already ajar. When he goes in there, the baby’s crib is overturned, the room’s a mess, and there’s no baby. He still had his shotgun with him and his dog had followed him upstairs, tail wagging and happy to see his master, but instead of a scratch behind his ears, he ate a bullet instead. Shotgun’s … well, their bullets spray, so it wasn’t a pretty sight, and it was loud too, and at the loud shot, a baby started crying, frightened by the sound. The man paused, and looked around the room, and beneath one of the blankets that had fallen out of the crib was his baby. Behind one of the torn down curtains was a wolf. Turns out the wife had packed her bags and left the door open when she bailed. The wolf invited itself inside, and of course, it was starving from the winter, and a small defenceless baby was the perfect target, only the German Shepherd was there to protect it. The dog killed the wolf, the man killed the dog, and then he spent the rest of his life feeling guilty about it.”

 

            Lena was silent for a few moments, her forehead scrunched with surprise as she pondered over the story. Eventually she smiled at Kara, “real or fake?”

 

            “Real,” Kara smiled, “always real.”

 

            “Hm, it’s a bit morbid,” Lena hummed, “interesting though. I didn’t realise I was living in such an interesting place. I mean, not that _I_ would know. I leave my house once a week for groceries, so it’s not like I’m in the business of socialising.”

 

            “Once a week? So that’s where your tan came from, huh?” Kara snorted.

 

            Lena arched an eyebrow at her, “I have a _tan?”_

 

            “Ah, well, no, you- you don’t,” Kara explained, giving her a sheepish look, “as a matter of fact, if you got any paler, you could probably bli-”

 

            Pressing her lips together to stop herself from laughing, Lena raised her eyebrows expectantly, “blind someone? Wouldn’t _that_ be ironic.” 

 

            She gave Kara a wry smile and climbed to her feet, waving away Kara’s attempts to apologise for speaking without thinking. She didn’t realise how easy it was to put her foot in it, and while Lena didn’t take offence to her blunders, it still made Kara wince slightly, knowing that she’d said something that could’ve been insensitive if she’d said it to the wrong blind person. Lena had a dry sense of humour though, and was more than willing to poke fun at her own blindness, if only because she knew it made Kara squirm as she stumbled over her apologies. As a pale hand was extended towards her, Kara fell quiet, blinking in surprise as she slowly reached out and put her hand in Lena’s, letting herself be pulled to her feet. The warmth of those slender fingers was gone almost instantly, and Kara followed her over to the piano, watching as Lena sat down before it and pushed up the fall board, exposing a row of ivory keys, interspersed with smaller ebony ones. Patting the space beside her, Lena looked up at Kara, a soft look on her face, and Kara practically fell onto the bench beside her, the warmth of Lena radiating off her skin. There was a small freckle on her neck and Kara watched it bob up and down as Lena swallowed, giving her a hesitant smile.

 

            “Well, here’s my end of the bargain,” Lena told her.

 

            And then she reached out for the keys, her fingers easily falling into place on the familiar keys, and Kara watched open-mouthed as they began to move, first softly and slowly, but then quicker as the song progressed, her foot pushing down on the pedals. Her hands were blurs, and her long fingers were splayed across the keys, moving so fast that Kara could hardly believe only two hands were producing the music. And the music - god, the music was heartbreakingly and gut wrenchingly beautiful, and Kara barely dared to breath, feeling as if the very air in her lungs had been stolen from her. It was one thing to hear the distant noted drifting towards her on the beach, but to be beside Lena, watching her furrow her brows in concentration, her eyes blankly staring at her hands as they seemed to move of their own accord … it was magical. Kara could hardly believe that Lena had written it herself, or that she played it all from her memory, without faltering, the place where sheet music ordinarily would sit empty. By the time the song ended, with a few notes still lingering in the air as they faded, Kara’s eyes were wide, and she’d long since stopped staring at Lena’s hands, choosing to observe the way she hunched her shoulders, her head bowed and her eyes closed as she listened. That was the thing that struck Kara the most; she didn’t have to see for this, she closed her eyes and listened, and Kara could see the pure unadulterated elation on Lena’s face as she played, feeling every note that she was playing. She loved this - it was what she was good at - and Kara’s heart felt tight as she watched her.

 

            When Lena’s hands limply fell from the keys and her head came back up, eyelids parting to reveal green eyes, Kara couldn’t do anything but stare at her, dumbfounded by the sheer beauty she’d just witnessed. Struggling to find the words, Kara opened and closed her mouth a few times, before managed to make something come out. “That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard in my life,” she earnestly told Lena.

 

            Bursting into laughter, Lena’s eyes sparkled with humour as she reached out to let the fall board fall back over the keys, and Kara almost wanted to stop her, to beg her for another song, and felt a small flicker of disappointment when Lena climbed to her feet again, her fingers gently brushing against Kara’s arm. “You’re too kind.”

 

            “I’m being serious,” Kara murmured, climbing to her feet, “why don’t you record them? I’m sure other people would love to hear this.”

 

            “I’m not much interested in being for sale,” Lena shrugged, “I’m quite happy with my life here. This is it for me.”

 

            “Oh,” Kara murmured, looking around at the spacious room, wondering when the last time the shutters had been opened, and thinking about how this was probably the first time the lights had been switched on in there since the room had been decorated. It was almost sad to think about Lena living the rest of her life in the dark room, the air stuffy and filled with the sound of music that no one else would ever hear. It wasn’t Kara’s place to convince her though, and she held her tongue as she filed out of the room after Lena. 

 

            She stayed a while longer, chatting with Lena about themselves - just harmless facts - finding that time slipped by too quickly when they were lost in conversation. Lena liked to talk with her hands a lot, and her face was so expressive that Kara couldn’t help but smile as she animatedly explained about how not long before she’d become blind, she’d been at tennis practice and had run into the a jagged piece of wire sticking out from the chainlink fence, narrowly missing her eye and leaving a small scar beneath her right eyebrow. The wry twist of Lena’s lips let Kara know that she thought it ironic, and Kara thought about that smile the whole way home, and later on that evening, when she sat down to write, she couldn’t envision the character she’d been writing, because green eyes, long, slender fingers, and lips that were so quick to quirk up into a sarcastic smile, kept drifting across her mind, accompanied by the sound of the melody Lena had played for her. In the end, she gave up any pretense of trying to write and just stared out of the kitchen window, looking at the dark trees and the sliver of the moon that was just visible. Even the sound of the crashing waves couldn’t chase away the sound of the music in her ears, and the sights couldn’t rid her of the image of a figure hunched over a piano, pouring her heart into her music, that seemed to be painted inside her eyelids.


	6. Chapter 6

            Before she knew it, she’d been in Midvale for a month, reading books, applying for jobs and going for daily jogs at sunset, listening to the delicate notes of whatever new song Lena was playing that evening as the sun sank low on the horizon, turning the sky orange as puffy white clouds drifted past lazily. In National City, it would’ve been warmer, the shimmering skyscrapers reflecting the blinding sunlight and the buildings filled with the whirring sounds of freezing cold air conditioners trying to chase away the late summer humidity, but in Midvale, sitting by the sea, it was cooler, and Kara began to feel slightly homesick for the big city. She didn’t see Lena again after she’d visited her house, but that didn’t mean that Kara didn’t think about her - probably more than she should’ve - and she had to stop herself from walking up the sand dunes and knocking on her back door more than once. She had nothing to do, and boredom was catching up with Kara as autumn caught up with summer, and on the coolest day since she’d arrived in town, with a stubborn set to her jaw, and a weary resignation in her shoulders, a defeated Kara rode her bike into town and got a job at a coffee shop. Swallowing her pride meant that she had to take what was available to her, and while she could’ve gone back to National City and worked in a coffee shop there - perhaps back at Noonan’s, where she’d worked during college - Kara loathed the thought of returning home as a failure. To go back and face her friends without a new journalism or writing job would mean admitting defeat, and Kara was too stubborn to go crawling back as a failure.

 

            Still, wearing an apron all day as she made scalding cappuccinos for the women who complained that their coffees were too cold, and plated up perfect slices of apple pie and flakey croissants with jam and butter, Kara couldn’t help but feel like a failure anyway. She’d had a good job and she’d thrown it away by doing what she was supposed to do - report the truth. Eliza was as supportive as ever, too busy with work to spare too much time trying to cheer Kara up, and more than anything, Kara wished that Alex was there. Her sister always knew what to say to cheer her up, and talking to her on the phone just wasn’t the same.

 

            _“A job is a job, Kara. At least you’re getting out of the house more,”_ Alex’s voice crackled through the phone, _“it’s got to be better than doing the ironing and making sure dinner’s on the table like a housewife.”_

 

            “You have to be married to be a housewife,” Kara grumbled, “I’m  _ very _ single right now, because apparently I’m even rubbish at that.”

 

           _“Are we throwing a pity party?”_ Alex snorted, _“come on, you’ll be fine. You’re just going through a rough patch. Everyone has one.”_

 

            Scoffing, Kara speared a piece of watermelon on her fork from the bowl of fruit salad sitting beside her ginger beer. “Oh yeah? What was yours?”

 

            Alex made a small sound of annoyance, _“geez, I don’t know, Kara, take a wild guess. Maybe the fact that my fiancee and I broke up.”_

 

            Wincing slightly at the mention of her sister’s own heartbreak, Kara sighed, ”sorry. I just- I thought I’d be back on my feet by now. Not washing dishes and wiping tables at the coffee shop, while I have to smile and be nice to all the girls I hated in high school. And I _miss_ you too.”

 

           _“I’m coming up next week on my days off,”_ Alex reminded her, _“just hang on a little while longer, okay? Go and do something fun. Take up surfing or something. Get a tan.”_

 

            “I was thinking of trying to get a job with the local newspaper. They might only print one issue a week, but it’s better than nothing,” Kara sighed. “It’ll be something I enjoy doing at least.”

 

            A quick laugh from the other end of the phone followed. _“I said something fun, not more work. It’s not a bad idea though. Just … relax though, please. No one has their life figured out, and it’s okay to be confused for a while. I mean, I thought I was going to be a doctor when I was in college, and now I’m a detective, and in between I was off partying every night, so …”_

 

            “Something fun,” Kara muttered to herself, running a hand through her hair as she sighed, “okay. Yeah. I can do fun. No more writing today, no more housework, just fun.”

 

            Laughing again, Alex softly sighed, and Kara could hear the amusement in her voice, _“go on then, I’ll let you go. I’ll speak to you tomorrow. And try not to miss me too much; I’ll be there at the end of next week.”_

 

            “Right,” Kara said, feeling a little happier at the prospect of her sister coming to visit. “Have a good day. Bye.”

 

            Hanging up the phone, she turned her attention back to her fruit salad, chewing on a grape as she thought about what she should do. There wasn’t much to do in the ways of fun that she didn’t already do anyway - somehow she didn’t think Alex meant read a book on the back porch - and she didn’t really have anyone to do things with either. She could always go to the cinema by herself, but there weren’t any good movies out that she was dying to see. After a few moments of nervously toying with an idea, Kara set her shoulders and told herself to not be so cowardly, and decided that she’d take a walk along the beach, and coincidentally pass by Lena’s house and see if she was home. Becoming more sure of her decision, she quickly got ready, looking out the window to check on the weather and grimacing at the paleness of the sky. It didn’t look too warm so she threw a jacket on over her shirt and locked up after herself, before she started her familiar trek along the coastline, shading her eyes against the glare of the weak sunlight sparkling on the surface of the water. The green waves were choppy today, bringing in a cool breeze with them, and Kara watched as the surf rippled over the sand, smoothing away footprints or dragging seaweed in with it. She wished it was warmer so that she could go swimming and laze around on the sand afterwards, basking in the sunlight as salt dried on her skin as it tanned. It had been a long time since she’d had time to spare for sunbathing or relaxing on a beach, and sitting on the damp sand with the wind’s searching fingers tugging at her clothes didn’t seem quite as idealic.

 

            Still, the walk was nice, and the bracing air was just cold enough for her thin jacket as she picked her way across the sand, her eyes lighting up when she reached the familiar curve of the coastline that meant she was nearing Lena’s house. A copse of towering pine trees on the corner bend covered with moss, before they gave way to the sand dunes and the flat beach, stood tall and mysterious as they shrouded the house, that Kara knew was behind it, from view. Walking up the gentle incline of the sand dunes, coarse blades of long grass caressing her legs, she came to the fringes of the woods and set off into the brush of ferns and moss covered logs, the damp smell of the place filling her nose as she breathed in the clean, earthy smell, feeling calm as she trampled over fallen leaves and broken branches. Soon enough, she was staring at the back porch of Lena’s house, just like she had the first time she’d stumbled upon it, and from this angle, where she couldn’t see the road, it was easy to believe that it was something out of a fairytale. Smiling slightly, Kara couldn’t help but wonder if that made Lena the princess or the witch.

 

            Skirting the edge of the woods, Kara made for the front door, feeling rude traipsing through Lena’s back garden - they didn’t know each other that well, after all - and she mounted the few steps and knocked on the door. With the shuttered windows, she couldn’t tell if Lena was in or not, and patiently waited before she knocked again, this time a little bit louder. When there was no answer - or Lena was just ignoring her knocks - Kara grimaced and decided to walk back down to the beach, flopping down onto the cool sand and staring out at the ocean. The sound of crashing waves was soothing, interspersed by the sounds of seagulls crying out as they wheeled around above the waves, some of them bobbing up and down in the sea, barely more than white dots in the sea of green. It wasn’t long before the hissing sound of sand being kicked up reached her ears, and Kara turned to the left, her face lighting up at the sight of Lena walking along the sandy path.

 

            Climbing to her feet, Kara slowly jogged over to her, “Lena!”

 

            Giving her a sheepish look as she saw Lena startle slightly at the sound of her name, Kara fell into step beside her, a hopeful look on her face. A small smile curled Lena’s lips and she adjusted the strap of the bag on her shoulder. “Kara.”

 

            “I, uh, I was waiting for you,” Kara hesitantly told her, her cheeks warming slightly at the admission, and Kara wasn’t sure why.

 

            “Really? Sorry to keep you waiting.”

 

            Laughing, Kara’s eyes crinkled at the corners as she looked at Lena, “no, no, I just- well, I figured you wouldn’t be that long, wherever you’d gone.”

 

            Smiling a little, Lena shrugged, “I ran out of milk.”

 

            “Oh,” Kara said, an uncertain look on her face at the barely there smile on Lena’s lips. “Are you okay?”

 

            With a heavy sigh, Lena pressed her lips together in a grim line, giving Kara another shrug before she replied. “Yeah. Just … having a bad day.”

 

            “Anything I can help with?” Kara asked, her blue eyes filled with concern as she peered down at Lena, taking in the way her hands curled into fists, her fingers brushing over shallow grazes on her palms. A pitying look crossed Kara’s face as the realisation that Lena must’ve tripped over dawned on her.

 

            “No, I’m alright,” Lena murmured.

 

            Pausing for a moment, Kara opened and closed her mouth a few times, not wanting to overstep, but filled with the overwhelming urge to reach out to her - to help her. “You know, if you- if you want … if you ever need anything, like milk or … I don’t know, bread, you can always call me. I can run into town and get it for you. I know you’re a bit of a homebody.”

 

            “Thank you,” Lena softly replied, a bigger smile flashing across her lips.

 

            They walked in comfortable silence, the wind rustling the leaves as they walked along the long white path, amongst the few plants still flowering in the late summer weather, green grass and dandelions growing on either side of them, the little seeds spiralling in the breeze, and Kara walked Lena all the way up to her door, hovering slightly on the front porch, watching as Lena fumbled for her key and reached out to feel for the lock, before she fiddled with the key and managed to unlock the front door.

 

            Looking back over her shoulder, Lena smiled slightly, and Kara could picture her eyes crinkling behind her sunglasses, “are you coming in?”

 

            “If that’s okay with you.”

 

            Nodding, Lena stepped into the gloomy hallway, and Kara quickly followed after her, shutting the door and walking down the now familiar hallway, into the kitchen and flipping the light switch, flooding the room with yellow light. It was just as clean and tidy as last time, and Kara couldn’t help but wonder if Lena did it all herself, or if perhaps she had someone come in and clean for her, but the unkempt garden out the front made her think that Lena loathed asking for help off anyone. Smiling to herself as she watched Lena pull the milk out of the bag, setting it down on the counter, Kara realised that Lena could fall over every time she walked into town for a bottle of milk, and she would still never ask Kara to go and fetch it for her. She liked her independence too much.

 

            As the kettle was switched on, Lena pottered around the kitchen, pulling out cups of her fine china and reaching for one of the boxes of teabags, opening it and smelling its contents, before asking Kara if jasmine tea was okay. A few minutes later, Kara was sipping the subtly sweet amber liquid, assaulting her with fragrance of the jasmine. Her eyes kept darting down to Lena’s grazed palms though, and she deliberated for a few moments, before finally speaking. “You should put something on your hands,” Kara slowly said, “if you have a first aid kit or something, I could- I could clean them for you. Make sure there’s no dirt in them.”

 

            Lena was silent for a few moments, but then she nodded, “there’s one beneath the sink in the bathroom.”

 

            Pushing her chair back, the legs scraping in the floor, Kara climbed to her feet, pausing as she looked at Lena, “do you mind if I fetch it? I wouldn’t-”

 

            Waving away Kara’s concerns about her rummaging through her things, Lena nodded, giving her a small smile as she finally pulled her sunglasses, revealing her intense green eyes. Turning around, Kara walked down the hallway and rounded the end of the stairs, her hand gliding along the polished banister as she quickly jogged upstairs, going into the bathroom that Lena had taken her up to last time. Switching the lights on, Kara quickly crouched down and opened the cupboard, ignoring the bottles of perfume, bars of soap and medications and other clutter, and went straight for the little red pack, grabbing it and closing the doors. Switching the light back off, she walked back out into the hallway, shutting the door and quickly making her way back downstairs.

 

            Sitting back down at the table, where Lena was patiently waiting for her, she unzipped the first-aid kit and rummaged through the contents, pulling out some antibacterial wipes and cream, tearing open the little wipe and slowly reaching for Lena’s hand. Silently handing over her hand, Lena let Kara cradle it in her left hand, looking faintly amused by Kara’s quiet warning that it might sting, and bit back a hiss of pain as Kara gently dabbed at the shallow scrapes on her hands. Kara had to stop herself from gently stroking Lena’s slender fingers as she cleaned her palm, and then reached for the other one, carefully wiping that one over as well. Lena didn’t look too pleased about the fact that she’d cut her hands, and Kara remembered her words about how she was having a bad day, feeling the urge to cheer her up when she saw the brooding look on Lena’s face. 

 

            “The sea looks like your eyes today,” Kara blurted out before she could stop herself.

 

            Lips twitching up into a small smile, Lena arched an eyebrow at her, “oh yeah? Explain it to me.”

 

            “Green.”

 

            “I _know_ I have green eyes, Hemingway. I want you to Shakespeare the shit out of it though.”

 

            Letting out a surprised laugh, Kara shrugged, ducking her head down as she fiddled with her glasses. “I don’t know. They just … they look like the sea today. The sky isn’t very blue, and the sun isn’t shining much, but where it hits the water, the yellow and the blue reflect off it and it’s the clearest green I’ve ever seen the sea. It looks so calming, and it makes me want to look at the waves all day.”

 

            “Hm, interesting,” Lena murmured, sounding amused as Kara opened a packet containing a cotton swab and squeezed some of the cream onto it, before she carefully smeared it all over Lena’s palms. Once she was done, she gathered everything up and climbed to her feet, following Lena’s instructions for where the bin was, before sitting back down and picking up her tea, which had cooled enough for her to comfortably drink. “Thank you.”

 

            “Anytime,” Kara said, pausing slightly before adding, “well, I hope I don’t need to patch you up anytime, but … anytime.”

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh, Lena shook her head, sipping her tea as she gingerly tried to avoid getting the cream everywhere as it soaked into her skin. “So, what’ve you been up to since the last time I saw you? I didn’t bump into you in town on my last trip in for some groceries.”

 

            Grimacing slightly, Kara cupped her tea between her hands, the warmth of the cup seeping into her palms. “I, uh, I got a job.”

 

            “Oo, do tell,” Lena smiled, “a gig writing more articles about rich people being assholes?”

 

            “Coffee shop. Wiping tables and making coffee,” Kara laughed, sounding slightly bitter and embarrassed.

 

            “Oh, well are you still writing your book?” Lena asked, no judgement in her tone.

 

            “Yes.”

 

            “What’s it about?”

 

            Blowing all the air out of her lungs, Kara leant back in her chair, wondering how to explain that it was about Lena, when she didn’t know Lena, but it was also not about Lena because she didn’t know Lena. Telling someone you were writing a book about the made up version of them you’d come up with in your head wasn’t exactly an easy thing to explain, and Kara fidgeted slightly in her seat. _Get a grip,_ she told herself. Gently clearing her throat, she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

 

            “It’s a romance novel, I think. I’m not too sure yet.”

 

            “Let me guess, the popular guy meets the nerdy girl, she falls in love and he doesn’t love her back. Then, by some miraculous turn of events, he sees beneath the nerdiness and gets her to put down the book, and he asks her to prom?”

 

            “No. It’s not like that,” Kara muttered.

 

            “Sorry, am I being too critical?” Lena winced, “I’m not saying that it’s a _bad_ thing, but that’s usually how this thing goes.”

 

            Kara let out a quick laugh, rubbing the back of her neck as she stared at Lena, “you’re fine. I’m not really sure what’s going on yet, to be honest. I’m still in the planning stages. But at least I know what to stay away from to get you to like it.”

 

            “Maybe you’ll read it to me one day.”

 

            “Maybe I will. If I ever finish it.”

 

            “Seriously though, please never stop writing. I like the way you tell stories, and I’m sure a full-length novel would just as captivating to listen to you read,” Lena said, giving her a small smile.

 

            Blushing slightly, Kara shyly smiled down at her cup of tea, “well, hopefully I’ll be leaving soon so I can get back into it.”

 

            Lena tilted her head to the side, frowning slightly, “you just got a job but you’re still leaving?”

 

            Hesitating, Kara gave her a sheepish look, “ah, well, see, I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

 

            “Oh?”

 

            “I was … fired. This article I posted about about lead poisoning in the water by Morgan Edge and his company … well, I was told _not_ to publish it. I did though, and well, I got … fired. The same day I came home to my bags packed for me, and my ex kicking me out,” Kara explained, feeling embarrassed at having to admit it. “So … that’s why I’m really here, and now I can’t go back home because I’ve been blacklisted by every major news outlet by my ex-boss, and I don’t have anywhere to live, except with my sister. So here I am. Living with my adoptive mother and working in a coffee shop.”

 

            “Sounds like … a difficult time,” Lena hesitantly said, “anything you can do about it?”

 

            “Not right now, but at least I have time to work on my novel. I’ve been putting it off for a few years.”

 

            Lena let out a quiet laugh, a mystefied look on her face as she seemed to look through Kara, who asked her what was wrong. “Nothing, it’s just … you’re still so optimistic.”

 

            Laughing, Kara blushed slightly, giving Lena a half-hearted smile, “well, I have to be. I’m always the optimistic one. The happy one. If I let go of that, then what else do I have?”

 

            “You could always just not be,” Lena suggested, “you can not be okay. Just say fuck it and go off the rails for a while. It's quite cathartic, in my opinion.”

 

            “You sound like my sister,” Kara accused her.

 

            “Smart woman?”

 

            “Yes.”

 

            “Then I’ll take it as a compliment.”

 

            Shaking her head as she smiled, Kara set her cup of tea back down, her elbow on the table and her chin in her hand as she gazed at Lena. There was something about her that Kara just couldn’t quite put her finger on, something that drew her in and let Lena worm her way into every corner of her mind, just like the melodies that she listened to every evening on the beach as Lena poured her heart and soul into the music. She was unlike anyone Kara had met, but no less kind and trustworthy, smart and funny, and it was surprising how easy it was to talk to her, having only met her a handful of times. If it was easy enough to have meaningless conversations with someone - to politely talk about small topics, and things that didn’t matter - but they never felt like that with Lena, and it was shocking, to say the least. 

 

            “You’re very surprising, you know,” Kara observed.

 

            “I’m actually quite ordinarily boring,” Lena dryly replied, “except for the whole blind thing. My one outstanding feature.”

 

            “No, that’s not it,” Kara murmured.

 

            “Care to enlighten me?”

 

            “I will when I figure it out. You’re still a mystery to me. I don’t really know you all that well.”

 

            Lena laughed, a brief look of surprise flashing across her face, “you know, it’s funny you say that, because to be honest, I know you better than anyone outside of my family. Strange.”

 

            “Do you ever see your family?”

 

            Sighing, Lena ran a hand through her dark hair, and Kara watched the complex series of unreadable emotions run across her face. “No.”

 

            “Oh … sorry, I don’t mean to pry.”

 

            “It’s okay,” Lena murmured, “I don’t really have much of a relationship with any of them anymore. Not since I moved here. With my mom, maybe not since I was thirteen.”

 

            “Around the time that you …”

 

            Giving her a tight smile, Lena nodded, pushing her chair back as she climbed to her feet, her hand reaching out to search for Kara’s cup. Walking over to the kitchen, Lena rinsed the cups out under the tap and put the kettle on again. She asked Kara if she wanted something to eat, pulling a loaf of fresh bread out of a cupboard and reaching for two plates. Quickly joining her in the kitchen, Kara helped Lena make sandwiches for them both, slicing avocado and spreading mayonnaise on bread, and cutting up chicken breast, before neatly cutting them into triangles. Sitting back down at the table, they both ate quietly, their fresh cups of tea cooling, and by the time their plates were only dusted by crumbs, Lena was cradling hers in her hands, a brooding look back on her face as lazy tendrils of steam drifted up from the tea.

 

            “I was extremely nearsighted when I was younger,” Lena suddenly confessed, a bitter smile on her face, “and my mother’s never suffered anything less than perfect - perfect family, perfect business, perfect name for ourselves - but you already know that, don’t you? You’re not stupid. I heard it in your voice the other week; you’ve at least guessed who my mom really is.”

 

            “Lillian Luthor.”

 

            “Yes. And everything she does is perfectly planned. No one’s ever good enough for her - except my brother - so you can imagine her opinion on me wearing glasses. Can you imagine the _horror?_ Her daughter with a pair of ugly glasses. No, that wouldn’t do, and by the time I was thirteen, she decided it was time for me to stop wearing contacts. So she put me in for laser eye surgery to fix my nearsightedness, and she read through all the warnings on the forms - the side effects that could happen, if you were unlucky - and she signed it anyway. Millions of people have had it; why wouldn’t it work on me?” Lena gave her a bitter smile. “The thing is, there’s a higher risk of going blind if you’re nearsighted. I mean, it’s still so so slim, but there’s a higher risk than say farsightedness. After surgery it was fine at first, but then I couldn’t see. It wasn’t sudden; it was a gradual change, just little flecks of what looked like dust, and flashes of light. My mom … she told me to stop being dramatic. That it was just the after effects of the surgery. By the time everything was black, it was too late. The retinas in both of my eyes had detached, and I wasn’t taken to hospital soon enough to fix it. It would’ve been so easy to fix it if she’d just listened, but she didn’t have time for me - she was too busy with the company.”

 

            Kara was speechless as she sat in the chair, a look of shock and mild horror on her face as she listened to Lena explain. She hadn’t been sure what had happened to cause Lena to go blind - her mind had run through a few reasons; cancer or infection the most plausible - and she never would’ve guessed that it would’ve been her mother’s own negligence. She tried not to let her feelings of pity overwhelm her, knowing that Lena wouldn’t take to kindly to them, and knew that apologising wouldn’t help anything. She didn’t know how old Lena was, but it had clearly been a long time ago, and pitying her wouldn’t change the fact that this was her life now. For Lena, this blindness was normal.

 

            “Anyway, that was pretty much the end of any real relationship we had, and just before I-I moved here there was- well, it was basically the last nail in the coffin. So yeah, that should answer some of the questions you’re too polite to ask,” Lena quietly laughed, “and that’s why I live here all alone.”

 

            “Do you hate her for it?”

 

            “In some ways. I hate the way she acts around me. She won’t even _look_ at me - I don’t have to be able to see to know that, I can hear it when she talks that she's not looking at me, and I can hear the contempt in her voice - and sometimes it used to make me want to yell at her. I just wanted her to notice me, but I could tell that she felt so guilty that she couldn’t look at me without feeling that guilt. Rightly so though. After that, I was pretty much given everything I needed and shunned to the side so she didn’t have to look at me with my glasses and my cane. If she thought wearing glasses was less than perfect, _god_ , can you imagine what she thought of the fucking _cane_. I was shipped off to boarding school not too long after. She hired tutors for me so that I could learn braille, and I had a guide dog for a while. Her name was Martha, after Martha Argerich. She’s the best pianist in the world at the moment,” she smiled at the memory, her green eyes crinkling with fondness, and Kara’s face softened slightly. “And that was basically my life, until I came here. School. Piano. Home.”

 

            As Kara listened, she looked at the hot pink jeans Lena was wearing, and the mustard coloured t-shirt, and couldn’t help but wonder if the clothes were all a dig at her mom. From what she knew about Lena, it wouldn’t be too far of a stretch to assume that she’d wear the brightest clothes she could, peacocking around in garish clothes, the colours too hard to miss, so that her mom would have no choice but to acknowledge she was there. Biting back a smile, Kara gave her a soft look.

 

            “So you’ve always been a homebody then?”

 

            Laughing, Lena shrugged, rolling her eyes as she picked up her tea, “always.”

 

            “Well thank you for letting me intrude,” Kara said, smiling as she raised her cup to her lips and took a sip. This time it was oolong tea, and she couldn’t help but wonder if Lena just picked them at random, unsure of what she was reaching for until she opened the box of teabags and was assaulted by the smell of her choice. Either way, Kara liked it, and she made a mental note to try more teas from her work. 

 

            “You’re welcome here anytime,” Lena murmured, “it’s nice to have company sometimes. I’d forgotten what it was like to talk about something that wasn’t superficial.”

 

            “I was thinking about that earlier.”

 

            “Then perhaps we should make a habit of seeing more of each other.”

 

            Kara couldn’t stop the blush the heated her cheeks, knowing that her face was bright red. Lena couldn’t see her either way though, so she bolstered her courage and smiled shyly at her, “well how about I write my number down for you then, and you can give me a call at any time?”

 

            Lena let out a quiet laugh, arching an eyebrow slightly, even as her pale cheeks turned a little pink. “The sentiment is sweet, but I should probably break the news to you that I won’t be able to read it. You know … being blind and all that.”

 

            Letting out a small groan, Kara put her head in her hand, “sorry. I’m an idiot.”

 

            “How about you just write it in my phone instead?” Lena suggested, trying not to laugh at Kara’s exasperation as she bit her lip to try and hide her smile.

 

            “Perfect.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all your kind comments, I'm glad you're liking it so far and really appreciate you reading it

            Alex arrived in town early on Saturday morning, and Kara borrowed Eliza’s car to pick her up from the bus station, her face lighting up at the sight of her sister waiting there, sunglasses on, backpack slung over one shoulder, and her dark hair fluttering around her chin. Honking the horn slightly as she pulled up, Kara couldn’t help but smile as Alex pulled the passenger side door open and climb in, shoving her bag down between her feet and leaning over to wrap Kara in a hug. An overwhelming feeling of love and safety washed over her, and she allowed herself a few moments of comfort in the embrace of her sister’s strong arms, the smell of leather filling her nose as Kara took in the familiarity of Alex’s leather jackets and spearmint gum smell, before pulling back.

 

 _“God,_ I’ve missed you so much.”

 

            “Maybe _you_ shouldn’t have taken off for a month,” Alex accused her, smiling as she wound down the window and half dangled one arm out into the cool air as Kara pulled out into traffic.

 

            Driving through the middle of town, Kara smiled, the smell of the sea mixing with the strong smell of pine as the trees started to shed some of their needles as the weather started to turn. The radio was tuned into a classical music station, and Alex let out a snort of laughter, reaching out to change it, finding her sister’s hand stopping her in her tracks. Alex’s eyes were hidden behind her lenses, but Kara still picked up on the surprise, a small wry smile on her lips when she realised that she’d picked up on a few of Lena’s physical cues that weren’t readable in the eyes.

 

            “What, you’re into classical now?”

 

            “Well sorry for getting fired,” Kara rolled her eyes, “I’ll be back soon anyway. I’ve been applying for some more jobs. I’m thinking maybe an online one could work too. If it’s not in National City, then Snapper might not have managed to spread the word that far. And yes, I happen to think it’s calming. It’s helping me write more.”

 

            Slowly drawing her hand back from the dial, Alex settled back into her seat, watching the houses and trees pass them by, the sound of the engine grumbling and the roar of the hidden sea mingling with the soothing sounds of _Debussy_ , and Kara breathed in the clean air, watching as the wind stirred up a few leaves on the road. Autumn was right around the corner, and Kara felt comforted by the smell of the late summer flowers - little pink snapdragons and vermillion cinquefoil blooming in patches of grass and front gardens along the roadside - and with her sister right beside her, she felt happier than she had in weeks. This was how it usually was, when they came to see Eliza for the holidays or a weekend getaway from the stress of work. It seemed that Kara was more stressed about _getting_ work these days.

 

            “So, how’ve you been?” Kara asked, shooting her sister a quick glance, her hands steady on the wheel.

 

            Alex turned to give her a small smile, “good. Keeping busy. Same as you I guess.”

 

            “Still hurts?”

 

            “Oh yeah.”

 

            “Sorry.”

 

            Sighing, Alex reached over to give her shoulder a quick squeeze, almost like a silent reassurance that they were both in this together. Kara almost wanted to tell Alex she was going to pack her bag when she got inside, that she was going to go back to National City tomorrow, because her life in Midvale was exactly the same as it would’ve been unemployed and living with her sister in the city, but she knew she wouldn’t go back yet. She just missed her sister. There was still the deep shame and embarrassment about being fired, dumped and kicked out of her apartment all in one day, and Kara was too proud to head back to National City on any terms except ones where she came out on top. She wanted to go back with her chin up and prove that she didn’t need Snapper Carr or Mike to feel like she was worth something.

 

            When they got home, Alex took her bag up to their shared room, and Kara felt the twinge of excitement she got whenever they came back to the big shorefront house with their narrow single beds on opposite sides of their room. It always felt like they were girls again, when every night had felt like a sleepover, and Alex had taught her poker as they sat across from each other in the empty space between the beds, or they’d huddle up on one bed and watch horror films, Alex laughing at the gore, while Kara buried her face in a pillow. She hoped the weekend would hold the same kind of excitement as those nights, when Kara had known with certainty that she would be a reporter, and nothing would stop her from writing. Now, she was in that same bedroom, a reporter, just like she’d known she’d be - albeit an unemployed one - and no one, especially not Snapper Carr, was going to stop her from writing, which had admittedly been the problem in the first place.

 

            When Alex came back downstairs, her footsteps loud in the quiet hush of the house, Kara was in the middle of pulling two cups out of the cupboard and rifling through the cupboard for some coffee filters, and was stopped short by Alex, who suggested they go out for coffee, rather than staying cooped up inside the house. Kara readily agreed, slipping her denim jacket back on and fetching the keys off the counter, before they were both driving back towards town, this time with Alex winning the fight about the radio and turning it over to some classic rock, which didn’t stop Kara from singing along at all whenever she knew the song. They parked along the main street, heading towards their favourite diner from when they were in school, and Kara hunched her shoulders as she walked past the new coffee shop she worked at, feeling slightly embarrassed at the thought of one of the staff members drawing attention to her with Alex beside her, and then they were sliding onto the cracked vinyl seats in a booth near the open window. Perusing the menu, Kara ended up ordering a latte, and Alex went for a black coffee, knowing that it could be hit or miss in this place, depending on who was working. Their coffees were soon sitting in front of them, and Kara carefully measured brown crystals of raw sugar onto her spoon with a brooding look on her face, before stirring it into her coffee.

 

            “Okay, what is it?” Alex sighed, setting her mug back down onto the white saucer, the spoon rattling against the china.

 

            “What?”

 

            “You’ve been brooding ever since I got here. You look like you’re thinking too hard. I thought we were going to have a fun weekend.”

 

            Kara blinked in surprise, the slight frown wrinkling her forehead disappearing as her features softened, “we _are!_ I was just thinking about everyone back home. I _miss_ you all.”

 

            Grimacing, Alex reached across the table to give her hand a quick squeeze. “I know you do. Don’t worry, something will turn up soon! I mean, was CatCo really the place for hard hitting journalism anyway? Fuck that Snapper guy. You don’t need him anyway! You could start your own blog if you wanted to. And you have your book! How _is_ the book, by the way? You’re being very mysterious about it on the phone.”

 

            Laughing, Kara ran a hand through her hair, letting her gaze travel to the window, taking in the specks of first and the posters taped to them, the corners peeling up and the titles of odd plays and fundraisers happening in town written in fancy fonts, before she let her eyes wander past them to focus on the street outside. People were rushing about their daily lives - buying groceries, taking babies to the park or to the beach, enjoying a quick coffee break before heading back to work - and Kara found herself lost in her book for a moment. She didn’t know how to answer that question. She’d had a stroke of inspiration that evening on the beach, looking at the dark house looming out of the twilight with the haunting piano notes drifting towards her, seeming magical and hypnotic at the time. Immediately she’d put together the image of a mysterious figure - a man, she’d decided - broken and lonely, shunned aside by everyone, because what other kind of person could play such beautifully heart-wrenching music? But since she’d found out it was Lena, she’d been conflicted. Instead of a man, she’d found a woman, not broken and lonely, but content and reclusive on her own terms, and her music was her happiness. Kara had tried to change the story, sticking with a man - a man with dark eyes that turned to amber in the sunlight, and auburn hair that shone like burnished metal, a man who played the cello, or perhaps the violin. Except, whenever she wrote, trying to piece the puzzle together, she’d picture him, trying to conjure up the man she saw, only to have those amber eyes turn to a green as clear as the water in the tidepools she’d played in as a teenager, and red hair turned into long raven locks. The long fingers that dragged a bow across the strings of whatever instrument she fancied at the time would soon turn into the thing, delicate press of Lena’s fingers dancing across ivory keys, and Kara would have to shake herself out of it, Lena’s quiet laughter ringing in her ears, along with the conjured memory of whatever song had been playing that evening when Kara went to sit on the sand dunes.

 

            “Kara?”

 

            “I don’t know. I’m having trouble.”

 

            “Writer’s block?”

 

            A despondent look on her face, Kara grimaced, before she let out a small sigh, meeting Alex’s warm brown eyes. “I don’t know. It’s there, I just- I can’t write it how I envision it. I keep getting distracted.”

 

            “Huh. Well, you’ll get there.”

 

            “Mm.”

 

            Kara couldn’t tell her sister that the character she was creating wasn’t exactly fictional. There was too much to unpack there, and she was confused as to why she was so fixated on Lena. Sure, there was the whole mysteriousness that had drawn her in, but that had been shattered - for the most part - which begged the question as to why Kara couldn’t stop thinking about her instead of focusing on her writing. The mystery was gone; she knew who her piano player was. It wasn’t just that though, because Kara had been drawn to her from the very beginning, and couldn’t help but wonder if she was already _that_ lonely here. Perhaps staying in Midvale was a mistake, because she had no friends - only her adoptive mother - and the second she’d sort of found someone to spend time with, she was becoming too fixated on her. She hadn’t received a call off Lena since she’d given her her number, and Kara found that she was starting to get lonely. The only thing taking the edge off was her shifts at the coffee shop and the fact that Eliza was home early most nights, otherwise she would’ve been completely alone.

 

            “You’re brooding again.”

 

            Jerking herself out of her thoughts, Kara shot Alex a scowl, slinking down in her her seat, the vinyl seat cover squeaking slightly, and picked up her coffee. “I am _not_ .” Taking a sip of her coffee, she cast Alex a quick look, taking in the curl of her smile around the rim of her coffee cup, and let out an exasperated sigh, unable to stop herself from smiling when she realised that she _was_ being a little broody. Sitting up straight, Kara took a sip of her coffee and set the cup back down, clasping her hands together and leaning towards her sister. “Fine. Maybe you can take my mind off it. What’ve I missed?”

 

            Alex launched into a story about work, and then another one about Winn roping her into a video game night, and on and on the stories went, while Kara listened attentively, smiling as she listened to everything her sister and friends had gotten up to. It made her happy to think that Alex was trying her best to move on, instead of wallowing in her self pity - Kara’s current stage of her own process - and she was glad that her sister was taking the time to go out and enjoy herself. Knowing that somehow made Kara feel less lost and confused as they spent the morning together, walking through town as they went into the old bookshop and the library so Kara could stock up on new reading material, stopped by an ice-cream parlour, getting double scoops of raspberry swirl and strawberry, and walked down to the beach. On the flat, exposed shore, it was windy and their skin was peppered with sand as the wind whipped it up into a frenzy, but neither of them cared, stretching out on the sand, shading their eyes from the glare of the weak sunlight off the sparkling waves as they chatted, soaking up the last few days of summer. By the time they were walking back into town, their stomachs were growling, and Alex convinced Kara to stop off in a supermarket for some sandwiches and chips.

 

            “Ham or turkey?” Alex asked, a thoughtful look on her face as she stared down at the two subs in her hands.

 

            “Ham.”

 

            “You’re just saying that because this is the last turkey one and you want it.”

 

            “Maybe. Or ham is just better.”

 

            Alex pursed her lips slightly, weighing up the options, before she handed the turkey one over to Kara with a heavy sigh, “fine, you can have the turkey, but only because your life is shit right now.”

 

            Spluttering, Kara couldn’t help but laugh, “my life is _not_ shit, thank you very much. It’s just … a little bit above shit.”

 

            “Kara?”

 

            Ears pricking at the sound of her name being called, Kara’s eyebrows rose slightly in surprise as she turned around, taking in the electric blue bomber jacket that assaulted her eyes, and the red sweatpants with black polka dots too. The unbidden thought that Lena must get dressed with her eyes closed crossed her mind before Kara wanted to kick herself for her own stupidity. Realising that she hadn’t said anything, Kara smiled brightly, taking in the shopping basket that Lena was holding - a box of wheat crackers and some hummus inside - and the striped cane half hidden by her side.

 

            “Lena! Hi.”

 

            “I thought it was you,” Lena smiled slightly.

 

            “Oh, um … Lena, this is my sister, Alex. She’s in town for the night,” Kara quickly introduced them, “Alex, this is Lena.”

 

            Alex extended a hand to shake, before Kara quickly slapped it away, turning to give her sister a pointed look, jerking her head towards the cane, watching as her sister floundered slightly, quickly snatching her hand back with a sheepish look on her face. Oblivious to the silent conversation, Lena smiled, giving Alex a quick nod.

 

            “Nice to meet you.”

 

            “You too,” Alex politely replied.

 

            “Lena plays the piano,” Kara hesitantly said, at a loss of what to say next.

 

            “I’m also blind,” Lena bluntly replied, her lips twitching slightly as she fought back a smile, “my two most interesting qualities.”

 

            Alex gave her a sharp look, wondering whether they were making fun of her, finding Kara giving her a sheepish smile as she shrugged. “Lena also likes to make people feel uncomfortable about it because she thinks it’s funny.”

 

            “Right,” Alex slowly said, her lips curling up into a slight smile as she gave the brightly dressed girl a wary look, “well, I guess the real question is are you any good? I mean, I can shut my eyes and play the piano, but that doesn’t mean I’m not shit at it.”

 

            Mouth falling open in surprise, Kara shot Alex a look of horror, but snapped her mouth shut a moment later when Lena burst into laughter, giving them a perfect smile. “That’s a good question. No one’s ever asked before.”

 

            An amused look flickered across Alex’s face, and she raised her eyebrows slightly at Kara, who shrugged again. Turning back to Lena, her turkey sub held securely in her hands in case Alex changed her mind, Kara smiled slightly, “so, uh, weekly shopping trip?”

 

            “Just wanted some hummus,” Lena said, raising her basket slightly for Kara to see.

 

            “Oh, cool,” Kara said, reaching out to gently touch Lena’s elbow, slowly ushering her down the aisle so she didn’t have to use her stick in between the cramped shelves and fridges, “you all done?”

 

            “Mhm.”

 

            “I, uh, like your jacket today,” Kara said, shooting Alex a dark look as her sister turned around, her eyebrows shooting up in amusement as she bit back a smile.

 

            Face lighting up slightly, Lena turned to give Kara a warm smile, “thank you. It’s new.”

 

            Alex walked ahead of them, keeping her pace slow so that she didn’t shoot off, and Kara nervously steered them towards the till as soon as possible, worried that her sister would say something insensitive. Lena didn’t seem to mind when Kara put her foot in it, but they actually knew each other now, and Kara was silently praying that Alex wouldn’t say anything stupid just for a few minutes as she rifled through the pockets of her denim jacket, pulling out some crumpled bills and setting them down on the counter, paying for their sandwiches and the packet of chips that Alex had snagged from a passing shelf. Lena put her own two items on the conveyor belt and Kara put the basket away for her, smiling at the murmured thanks, and lingered as Lena paid, making idle talk while Alex watched on with amusement. The three of them walked out together once they were finished, with Alex holding the door open for them, shooting Lena curious glances on occasion.

 

            “Well, I’ll leave you to it,” Lena said, adjusting her dark sunglasses as she shrugged her grocery bag higher up her shoulder, “it was nice to meet you, Alex.”

 

            “You sure you don’t want a ride anywhere?” Alex asked.

 

            “Oh, no, I’m fine. Really. I don’t want to intrude,” Lena waved away their offer, giving them a small smile.

 

            Sighing, Kara reached out to gently turn her around, facing her towards the direction their car was in, “we’re heading home now anyway. It’s on the way; it’s no problem.”

 

            Hesitating slightly, Lena opened her mouth to protest, but firmly shut it and nodded. Beaming at her, Kara set off towards the car, taking up post on one side of Lena, while Alex walked on her other side, hands in her pockets as she stared at Lena. Kara wasn’t sure if it was out of curiosity of the fact that she was blind, or the fact that Lena was definitely a little odd, attracting a few strange looks from passersby as the three of them walked down the street. They made a few comments about the weather and the new Italian restaurant opening on the other side of town as they walked down the sidewalk, Lena carving a path through the oncoming flow of pedestrians as everyone recognised her - as the blind woman, if nothing else. Soon enough, they were standing beside the car, and Kara opened the door for Lena, her hands nervously fluttering around her as she waited to help Lena into the car, if she needed it, before firmly shutting the door behind her and climbing into the passenger seat. She quickly buckled her own seatbelt, turning to watch as Lena fumbled with her own, biting back the urge to ask if she needed help as she watched Lena’s slender fingers carefully guide the metal part into the buckle, a quiet click resounding. Turning back around, Kara watched as Alex pulled into traffic, the radio humming quietly in the background as they made their way through the town, Kara quietly singing along to the songs, smiling when she looked in the wing mirror and saw Lena drumming her fingers on the shoulder of Kara’s seat.

 

            Giving quiet directions to Lena’s house, Kara folded her arms on the door, resting her chin on them as the wind toyed with her golden hair and the sun warmed her skin, listening to the tittering songs of birds and the sound of leaves rustling. She felt surprisingly happy, not quite knowing why but knowing that the lightness in her chest had something to do with the fact that her sister was here, and so was Lena, although neither of them talked much on the drive to Lena’s house. When they finally pulled up outside her house, Alex’s eyebrows rising slightly at the sight of the overgrown garden and the massive house standing alone in the midst of all the trees, and Kara quickly climbed out of the car, opening Lena’s door for her and walking her up to the front door. Lena hesitated before going inside, giving Kara a small smile.

 

            “Thank you.”

 

            “No problem. You know how much I like to bump into you in random places.”

 

            “I’ll give you a call sometime in the week. Maybe we can hang out if you’re not working,” Lena said, pushing her sunglasses up on top of her head as she smiled, her green eyes crinkling at the corners. Kara just stared at her, looking into those eyes that she couldn’t get rid of, and the piercing stare she couldn’t shake. “Have a fun night with your sister.”

 

            “Sorry if she was a little … blunt,” Kara winced, “she’s not insensitive, she just doesn’t like to be messed with. I think she thought we were joking at first. Not that I’m an expert, but I’m not sure if people are usually that blunt about being blind."

 

            Lena let out a loud laugh, “there’s no better way to be, Tolstoy. Confront them with the elephant in the room and then they can’t awkwardly dance around it. If it’s any consolation though, she seems nice.”

 

            Ducking her head, Kara let out a quick laugh, “yeah, she’s pretty great. I’ll talk to you later. Play something nice for me, Mozart.”

 

            “Will do.”

 

            Once Lena was safely holed up inside her dark house, Kara turned, her footsteps thudding on the porch steps as she quickly jogged down them, hurrying down the flagstone garden path and hopping into the passenger seat, buckling her seatbelt as Alex pulled away from the curb. They were silent for a few minutes, driving back down the deserted street, the towering pine trees throwing shadows onto the car as they passed beneath them.

 

            “Go on, ask away,” Kara sighed, knowing that Alex was itching to ask a dozen questions.

 

            “The _jacket_.”

 

 _“That’s_ what you want to start with?” Kara snorted, giving her sister an amused look, “I don’t know. I don’t know if she doesn’t know what she’s wearing, or if she just doesn’t give a shit. Or if it’s intentional. She always says she sticks out with her cane - obviously - so I think she wants people to notice something else beside that. I don’t know. She’s a little … eccentric.”

 

            “I’ll say. Does she really play piano?”

 

            A soft smile crossed Kara’s face, and she leant her head against the inside of the door, looking out at the sunlight filtering down through the canopy, dappling her skin with warm, yellow light and shadows. “It’s unlike anything I’ve ever heard. It’s … incredible. You’d never believe that someone could write something like that. I could listen to her play all day.”

 

            "But she's _blind."_

 

            "I know. I thought she was messing with me too when she first said, but apparently good ones should be reading the sheet music and not looking at their hands anyway. She was some child prodigy or something."      

 

            “Huh.”

 

            “What?”

 

            “Nothing. I just … you never mentioned you were making friends,” Alex slowly said, looking slightly put out by the thought, an unreadable expression on her face as she focused on the road.

 

            Shrugging, Kara gave her a warm smile, “well, I’ve got nothing better to do right now. May as well get to know someone around here. I mean, it’s not like I can go up to Josie and try and be friends with her. She hates my guts, and I don’t even know why.”

 

            “Because you were the town weirdo.”

 

            “I was _not!”_

 

            “Mm, maybe a _little_. No wonder you and David Bowie hit it off.”

 

            Frowning slightly, Kara shot Alex an unimpressed look. “Who, Lena? Don’t be mean, Alex. She doesn’t have any friends. I mean, it’s her choice, but still.”

 

            “I’m not being mean! All I’m saying is that if she turned up dressed as Ziggy Stardust, I don’t think it would even be surprising,” Alex laughed, “I like her. She’s odd. Witty though, and blunt - I like that. She's got ... character. Maybe you should write her into your book.”

 

            “Thanks for your approval,” Kara snorted, trying to stop the choked sound of surprise from escaping her mouth at how close Alex's words had been to being the truth. She wasn't  _quite_ writing about Lena, but she'd be lying if she said it wasn't her who kept overtaking the character in her mind.

 

            They pulled up outside the house then, shedding their shoes and jackets inside the doorway and making their way upstairs, sitting out of the deck overlooking the garden as they ate their sandwiches, bottles of raspberry sparkling water shining the palest shade of pink in the sunlight as they sat on deck chairs, heads tilted back as they basked in the sun, even if the cool wind sent goosebumps rippling across their skin. They stayed outside until the sun set, Kara with a worn paperback in hand, reading through it while Alex dozed, her head lolling on her shoulder, and by the time the sun was barely a glimmer of orange on the horizon, Kara was shaking her sister awake. A part of her couldn’t help but wonder what song Lena was playing at that moment - a part of her wanting to go for a late evening jog, but knowing that she wouldn’t because she had precious little time to spend with Alex - and as they both made enchiladas for dinner, Kara could almost imagine the sound of a distant piano drifting in through the open window as she chopped red bell peppers and coriander.

 

            Eliza was home from the hospital early, having wrapped up her lab work hours ahead of her usual time in order to eat dinner with both of her daughters, and the three of them crowded around the table, talking about their day as they ate, before they made their way into the living room, watching reruns of _Gilmore Girls_ and drinking white Moscato. By the time they went to bed, it was late, and Kara curled up in her small bed, smiling softly to herself at the sound of Alex’s quiet, deep breathing from across the room, thinking that it had been just like all the other times they’d come to visit.


	8. Chapter 8

            The sound of the piano cut off, and Kara’s eyes flew open, blinking rapidly the dimness of the evening as her sight adjusted to the bluish-indigo colour of the sky, just the tiniest glimmer of yellow light where the sky met the rolling waves, the water sparkling slightly in the last rays of sunlight. Feeling relaxed, Kara pushed herself to her feet, groaning slightly at the stiffness that had crept into her joints as she’d sat on the sand, which had cooled beneath her, staying far longer than she’d intended to. Dusting herself off from all the sand clinging to her clothes, she rolled her shoulders and paused at the buzzing in the small pocket of her leggings, pulling out her phone and staring down at the unknown number. 

 

            Sliding across to answer it, Kara hesitated slightly. “Hello?”

 

_             “Are you still outside my house?” _

 

            “Lena?”

 

_             “You sound unsure. Do you lurk outside other people’s houses too? I thought I was special,”  _ Lena’s amused voice came through the other end, and Kara let out a quick laugh.  _ “What’re you up to?” _

 

            “Well I  _ was _ listening to someone shittily play the piano, but it’s stopped now. Thank god,” Kara replied, a smile playing on her lips as she turned to look at the shadowy trees behind her. 

 

            Lena let out a snort of laughter,  _ “well that’s a pity. I’m sure they would’ve loved to ask if you wanted to come inside. Might’ve even made you a cup of coffee too.” _

 

            “Oh yeah? And what’s that going to cost?”

 

_             “Not too much … maybe a story.” _

 

            Smiling as she climbed up the sand dunes, kicking up sand and trampling coarse grass, Kara wound her way through the dark pillars of trees, mindful of the creeping roots and trailing clumps of moss and ivy, her phone firmly pressed to her ear. “Hm, well that does sound like a good deal. Would it be okay if I came to the back door?”

 

_             “Of course. I’ll see you in a moment.” _

 

            The line went dead and Kara smiled as she slipped her phone back into her pocket, a warm feeling growing in her stomach as she ducked beneath a low hanging branch and walked through the waist high grass, indistinguishable shapes overtaken by nature in the unkempt garden. Kara silently moved through the overgrown garden, her footsteps drumming on the back porch steps, and she heard a chain rattling as she approached the door. The warm feeling turned into a gentle flutter, a feeling of mild excitement brewing at the anticipation of seeing Lena again. It had only been a few days, but each interaction with her left Kara feeling dizzily entranced, unsure of when and where she’d see her again, or what sharp turn their conversation would take next time. The back door, with its peeling pain and white paint stripping from the wood at the constant salt-tinged breeze swept in from the ocean, was soon creaking open, and Kara squinted slightly into the darkness, the outline someone moving just visible inside.

 

            “Hi,” Kara murmured, a slow smile curling her lips.

 

            The sound of Lena moving away from the door reached Kara’s ears, and she traded the quickly darkening sky and the briny fresh air for the vanilla scented blackness of Lena’s kitchen. Just before the door was shut behind her, Kara caught the glimmer of light reflecting off the pots hanging above the stove, and the brief illumination of Lena’s pale face, a soft look on her face as she blindly stared at Kara’s chin.

 

            “Hi,” Lena greeted her, pausing slightly as she shut the door, plunging them into darkness. “Lights.”

 

            “On it,” Kara quickly said, gliding across the tiled floor and flipping the switch, jumping slightly when she turned to find Lena silently passing her by, her eyes unfocused as she moved towards the kitchen counters. 

 

            Kara leant against the wall, watching her for a few moments, taken in her silky unbound hair, tumbling down her back as per usual, the milky pale skin, the bottle green little shorts and the grey t-shirt, faded with use, with  _ Juilliard  _ printed across it in blue. She couldn’t help but smile at the fact that this was probably the most normal and subdued thing she’d ever seen Lena in - she looked like she was about to go to bed. As Lena opened a cupboard and pulled out a container, opening it to inhale the bitterly rich smell of the coffee inside, Kara pushed off the wall, walking over to her and gently brushing her hand against Lena’s.

 

            “Would you like me to make it?” Kara quietly asked, a small smile on her lips, “barista, remember.”

 

            “Sure,” Lena said, relinquishing the coffee over to her and brushing past Kara, her hand trailing along the marble countertop as she got her bearings and walked over to the kitchen table, slowly lowering herself down onto a chair. “Mugs are in the second cupboard from the left. Sugar as well.”

 

            Nodding, Kara quietly moved around the kitchen, feeling at ease in the place that was quickly becoming a familiar place to her. Walking over to the fridge, she pulled a pint of milk out and made her way back over to the coffee machine, which was quietly humming as it ground the beans Lena had poured in it. “So, Juilliard, huh?”

 

            “What?”

 

            “Your t-shirt. It says Juilliard. Did you go there?”

 

            She glanced over at Lena, who seemed to relax slightly, running her fingers over the hem of the grey shirt as she absentmindedly stared at the sea green and white panelled wall. “Bachelor of music. Piano,” Lena murmured, “I had half a mind to go to Harvard for business, but then my brother convinced me to pick Juilliard. He said I should get a degree in something I love, not something that’ll get me a job in my family’s company.”

 

            “Smart guy,” Kara commented, missing the downturned corners of Lena’s lips as she grimaced, too busy pouring milk into the frother with a look of concentration on her face. “Are you two close?”

 

            “We used to be. You seem close with your sister though. Did she enjoy her visit?”

 

            Kara let out a quick laugh, “I think it was more for my benefit than anything else, but yes, I think so.”

 

            “She doesn’t like it here?”

 

            Hesitating, Kara grimaced slightly, “it’s not so much that. It’s just … well, she’s going through a rough patch too. Broken off engagement and the like.”

 

            Lena turned and gave Kara a grim look, “another asshole guy?”

 

            Kara laughed, an amused look on her face as she filled the mugs up with milk and stirred them, the white quickly changing to a rich brown, before spooning the foam onto the top of them both. Cleaning up after herself, Kara quickly carried both mugs over to the table and Lena fumbled for the coasters. “Well, _he’s_ a _she_ , and it was Alex who ended things. Some miscommunication of the whole baby front.”

 

            “Ouch.”

 

            “Yeah,” Kara sighed, “I think she’s a bit put out about the fact that I’m here making friends too. I think she thought I’d have packed up and gone back by now.”

 

            “Making friends are you?” Lena asked, arching an eyebrow slightly.

 

            “Only one,” Kara smiled, “if you count strangers on the edges of cliffs as friends.”

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Lena reached for her coffee, taking a small sip as she stared right through Kara, “luckily I do - but only because I’ve found that those ones tell such interesting stories.”

 

            Ducking her head as she smiled, her glasses slipping down her nose and her cheeks warming, Kara felt her stomach flutter slightly, and she nervously tucked her hair behind her ears. Lena’s praise never failed to embolden her, making Kara feel more accomplished than she really was, because if some stranger she’d met out of the blue liked her stories, with no obligation to do so, then perhaps her words were worth something. Reaching out to pick up her mug, giving herself something to do as she tried not to get too flustered, Kara took a sip of coffee, the bitter taste in stark contrast to the warmth in her stomach.  _ Get a grip _ , she told herself, placing her mug back down on the coaster.

 

            “Ready for another one?”

 

            “Ready for another song, storyteller?” Lena countered, a crooked smile and an arched eyebrow, and Kara let out a quick laugh, despite herself.

 

            “How about … Devil’s Bridge?” Kara said after a few moments of deep thought, “another one about this town. It’s on the outskirts of town, deep in the forest - in the hills. There’s a river - I’m not sure if you’ve ever been to the river - and a bridge crossing it. It’s not the bridge near my house; this one’s further along the river. An old one. It’s the place where people say the devil came to Midvale. It was hundreds of years ago, before there was any bridge crossing the river, and the town was a lot smaller. A woman came to the point where the bridge stands now, looking for her cow, which had wandered off. The devil appeared then, and agreed to build a bridge in exchange for the soul of the first living thing that crossed the bridge. The woman wasn’t stupid though - who would trust the devil, right? - and she readily agreed. When the bridge was finished, she pulled a crust of bread out of her pocket and through it across the bridge. Instead of her walking across the bridge to fetch her cow, like the devil intended, her dog ran across it, chasing after the crust of bread. The devil was furious and too embarrassed to ever show his face around town again. And … that’s where the bridge got its name from.”

 

            Lena was silent for a few moments, sipping her coffee with a thoughtful look on her face, and then she turned to look at Kara, a faint smile on her lips as her green eyes crinkled slightly at the corners. “Suicide, the devil and dog murderers? I didn’t realise I was living in such a morbidly fascinating town. I’m assuming this one is true too?”

 

            Cheeks warming, Kara let out a quick laugh, running a hand through her hair as she tilted her head to the side, smiling at the humour on Lena’s face. “Of course! I would never lie to you.”

 

            “That’s a lot of trust to have in a person you’ve known for … what is it, five weeks?”

 

            “Nearly six.”

 

            “Nearly six weeks.”

 

            “Well, it turns out you can’t even trust the guy you’re sleeping next to, so at this point, what the hell,” Kara shrugged, “just maybe don’t let me get drunk around you, or I’ll probably end up spilling my guts.”

 

            Shaking her head, Lena quietly laughed, her eyes sparkling with mirth as she tilted her head to the side, “I guess that’s the storyteller in you. Don’t worry though, I can’t see us having a wine and cheese night anytime soon. I don’t drink.”

 

            Blinking in surprise, Kara’s eyebrows rose slightly, “ever?”

 

            “I used to bump into a lot of things at the beginning. Relying on a cane was hard, and stairs were hard, and furniture was hard too. Being blind makes a _ lot  _ of things hard. Being drunk also makes things hard. Can you imagine the trouble I’d have getting upstairs alone with no sight and half a working brain?”

 

            “That’s very responsible of you.”

 

            “Or boring,” Lena snorted, “my best friend in Metropolis was always trying to get me to go out clubbing. She’d tell me that I shouldn’t let my blindness stop me from doing things. I mean, she was definitely right about that part, but I don’t really think getting drunk is really all that important. I stole some of my father’s brandy when I was ten … it wasn’t very nice.”

 

            Kara laughed, giving Lena a bewildered look as she tried to fit every new detail she found out into the carefully crafted puzzle that her mysterious music girl was. There were the typical things; warm, funny, smart, and witty, but then there was the fact that she was a piano prodigy, fearless stander of cliff edges, young alcohol thief and wearer of eccentric clothes. It was an amusing picture in her mind.

 

            “What’re you thinking so hard about?”

 

            “You,” Kara blurted out, deciding honesty was the best way to go, especially after insisting that she’d never lie to Lena.

 

            Lena gave her a slow smile, her eyebrows rising slightly, “what about me?”

 

            “I’m trying to fit everything you’ve told more together. There’s still gaps though.”

 

            “What kind of gaps?”

 

            “What do you like to do?”

 

            “Play the piano.”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Kara gave her an exasperated look, “well I  _ know _ that. What else do you like to do?”

 

            Pausing for a moment, Lena leant back in her chair, lacing her fingers together and tipping her head back as she exhaled slowly, the sound a soft sigh. Kara was silent as she watched her think, before Lena lowered her head again, her green eyes intense as she stared at Kara, a small smirk on her lips. 

 

            “I like to compose music, and listen to music. Read or listen to books, and listen to films. When my head has too many confusing melodies in it, I like to go for walks. My favourite place is the cliff, of course. High up and away from the town - no one else goes there, and the wind and sea help me think clearer. I like to cook, which can be a disaster if I pick up the wrong ingredients, and sometimes I do yoga - I have to make up my own poses because I can’t see the videos, but that’s half of the fun.”

 

            Kara laughed, shaking her head as she listened to Lena talk, her chin propped in her hand as she leant towards her slightly, drinking in every word and every expression on Lena’s animated face. She talked with her hands a lot, and her eyebrows seemed to have a mind of their own, and then there were her eyes … they were utterly captivating, and Kara was transfixed as she watched Lena talk.

 

            “Is there anything you wish you could do, but don’t?”

 

            Lena gave her a small smile, “I mean, of course. I think that everyone wishes for things they can't do, whether they're blind or not, but I’d be lying if I said that I could do  _ everything _ a seeing person could, because I can’t. There are some days I wish that I could go to Holland in the spring and see the tulip fields - not smell, but  _ see _ \- or you know, drive a car instead of walking everywhere. Then there’s the small infuriating things, like stickers on fruit, and people moving things that mess with how I see places in my head, and cleaning out the fridge!  _ God _ , the amount of times I’ve completely forgotten what I’ve put in my fridge, and have to try and smell what it is - I’m not a bloodhound, despite what the rumours say about us blind folk - and then there’s signs. Do you know how many places put signs up, and I can’t read a single one.”

 

            “So you just stay home?”

 

            “No, that’s not why,” Lena sighed, “I mean, it makes things easier if I know my space, but I also  _ like _ my space. People are so ignorant and condescending towards me, treating me like I’m stupid, or asking stupid questions. Being alone isn’t as much of a hassle.”

 

            Kara gave her a sad smile, reaching out to gently touch the back of her slender hand, and Lena slowly turned her hand slightly, letting Kara’s fingers curl around it, and Lena softly stroked her knuckles with her thumb, before pulling her hand back.

 

            “Do you _like_ being alone?” Kara quietly asked.

 

            “Yes, but … sometimes I don’t.”

 

            “Do you regret moving all the way out here by yourself? You must miss your brother and yo-”

 

            “No, I don’t regret it,” Lena abruptly interrupted, draining her coffee and climbing to her feet. She quickly pushed her chair in and walked around Kara’s seat, reaching out to fumble for Kara’s shoulder, giving it a quick pat, “come on, I owe you a song.”

 

            Finishing her own drink, Kara picked the mugs up and walked over to the sink, carefully placing them in it, before she followed after Lena, who was already on the bottom step, the dull thud of the wooden stairs sounding loud in the quiet house. Silently following after her, Kara rounded the bannister and ascended behind her, the stillness of the dark house making it feel later than it was, and making them feel more alone than they were. They could’ve been the only two people in town for all they knew, tucked away in the dim hallway of the dark house at the edge of the sea, the kitchen light the only spot of brightness for a quarter of a mile, thin beams of light escaping through the shuttered windows. And then Lena was opening up the door to the room she’d taken Kara to the day she’d played the piano for her, finding her way with familiar ease and even remembering to switch the light on. The room was exactly the same as last time, with the leather sofa and end table crowded with books, and the grand piano dominating the far end of the room. 

 

            She followed Lena over to the padded bench again, sitting down beside her as they both crammed onto the seat, knees knocking and bare elbows touching, and Kara looked down at Lena, while the spot of warmth where their skin touched made the words on the tip of her tongue die. Instead, she just stared at the sharp curve of Lena’s jawline, the straight line of her nose, and the heavy eyebrows which were pulled down low over her intense, blank stare as she furrowed her forehead in concentration. The ivory keys were uncovered and she let her spindly fingers find their way to the familiar pose, her hands cupped slightly and her forearms straight and precise. Kara watched her do it all with ease, falling naturally into the pose, her back ramrod straight and her head bowed forward, and with a sudden tenderness, Lena pressed down on the keys, flooding the room with the evocative notes of her music, so expressive and moving that Kara felt her heart ache at the melancholy song unfurling before her under the expert touch of Lena’s fingertips. She almost felt like crying at the wistful music enveloping them, and she gave Lena a pitying look as she watched her play. With her head bowed forward, Lena’s hair fell into her face, a dark curtain separating her from Kara, and Kara slowly reached out to gently brush her hair back for her, causing Lena to jump and stumble at the surprisingly tender touch of Kara’s warm hand ever so slightly brushing her cheek.

 

            Lena laughed as she found her footing, her head coming up and turning to look at Kara, her green eyes crinkling at the corners as she gave her a lopsided smile, the music slowly and softly drifting into something a little more cheerful, the delicate notes replacing Kara’s aching with a warm feeling as she smiled at the joy on Lena’s face. She could’ve watched Lena play all day, but eventually the song came to an end, and Kara couldn’t help but smile as the last few happy notes drifted off into silence. Neither of them spoke for a few moments, and then Kara sighed, feeling the lateness of the evening growing, and knew she had to leave now.

 

            “You have to go?” Lena asked, giving her a soft smile as she covered the keys again, turning slightly on the bench so that she had one leg on either side of the seat, facing Kara completely. 

 

            “Eliza should be home soon,” Kara explained, “and I don’t want to take you away from sleep for too long. You look tired.”

 

            Lena scoffed, rolling her eyes as she smiled. “You should try not being able to see sunlight. It messes with your body clock like crazy. Twenty-four hour cycles? Not a thing for me. I sleep when I’m tired, which is in the day a lot of the time. Good thing I’m a hopelessly unemployed trust fund asshole.”

 

            Kara couldn’t help but laugh, shaking her head as she climbed to her feet, “well you look tired  _ now _ . I’ll leave you to … whatever it is you do at night when you’re not sleeping.”

 

            Tenderly patting the top of her piano, Lena smiled, “play piano. Shocking, I know. I'm just glad I don't have any neighbours.”

 

            Sighing, Kara helped her to her feet, making sure she didn’t trip as she rounded the bench, and dropped her hand as she walked over to the door. Making sure she switched the light off, Kara let Lena lead the way, closing the door behind her and following Lena downstairs and into the kitchen, bathed in an inviting yellow light, which Kara switched off as they entered - she didn’t want Lena to forget it was on and wrack up a gigantic electricity bill because of her. Making her way across the kitchen at an exceedingly slow pace, Kara made for the back door, and pulled it open, letting the cool salty air wash over her as she stepped out onto the back porch, the moonlight leaching the colour from everything as it illuminated the overgrown backyard.

 

            Turning around, Kara smiled brightly at Lena. “Thank you for the coffee and the music.”

 

            “Anytime, storyteller,” Lena smiled, leaning against the doorframe.

 

            Pausing for a moment, Kara gave her a hesitant look, scuffing one of her sneakers against the wooden planks of the deckfloor. “Hey, what’re you doing tomorrow?”

 

            “Nothing,” Lena murmured, “what’re  _ you _ doing tomorrow?”

 

            “Nothing,” Kara lightly replied, “it’s my day off. I thought perhaps we could do something together.”

 

            “Or nothing together.”

 

            “Okay.”

 

            “Good. I’ll give you a call in the morning,” Lena told her, a small smile playing on her lips, “have a good night.”

 

            Nodding, Kara turned and started walking across the porch, her footsteps thudding on the steps as she descended, before she landed on the thick carpet of long grass, the stalks fluttering around her waist in the gentle breeze, tickling her hands as she flexed her fingers, itching to prolong the moment. “You too,” Kara quietly called back.

 

            “Oh, and can you do me one small favour?” Lena asked, sounding uncertain.

 

            “Sure.”

 

            “Can you- can you message me when you get in? So I know you’re home safe.”

 

            Kara’s face softened slightly, and she felt the warmth in her stomach spread throughout her at the thought of Lena’s concern for her safety. “Oh, sure. Good night, Lena. Sleep tight.”


	9. Chapter 9

            They saw each other three times over the next week, spending hours sitting in Lena’s living room or at the kitchen table, trading stories for piano songs, and learning more about each other. The days when Kara got to see Lena brightened them considerably, and she would walk home along the beach in a daze, thinking about something Lena had said, or the song she’d played, or even just the way her eyes had looked when she smiled. Each time she’d catch herself and chase the thoughts away, a flicker of uneasy confusion crossing her mind at the thoughts she’d been having, and she’d spend the rest of the night trying not to think about Lena’s laugh or her fingers splayed across the piano keys, or warm on Kara’s arm when she’d casually touch her as she laughed.

 

_             “Kara,”  _ an impatient voice snapped, making Kara jump, sloshing some of the milk she’d been heating over the sides of the metal jug.

 

            Blinking in surprise as she came back to reality, Kara turned to look at the woman giving her an expectant look. Brushing a few stray strands of hair out of her face, Kara gave her a tight smile. “Sorry Vicki, what were you saying?”

 

            “I said you can go,” the other girl bluntly replied, “my mom wants to close early today. I’ve got it from here.”

 

            “Oh,” Kara murmured, “okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

 

            Vicki didn’t reply as Kara finished off the coffee she was making, taking it over to an elderly woman sitting by the window, soaking up the sunlight streaming in, and then she walked back over to the counter, pulling her coffee stained apron off and fetching her jacket and bag from beneath the till. With a small wave at Vicki, who was scowling at her from the other side of the serving hatch as she refilled sugar pots in the kitchen, Kara wound her way through the tables and chairs and stepped out into the mild day, swapping her glasses fun prescription sunglasses as she set off down the street, denim jacket slung over her arm and her bag crossing her torso. It wasn’t even lunchtime yet and it had been a slow day in the coffee shop, and Kara perked up at the thought of the rest of the day to herself, trying to think of something to do. The beach was the obvious choice, but she spent every night at the beach anyway, listening to Lena play the piano on the dry sand, or venturing up to her back door to slip inside and sit on the piano bench beside her. As her thoughts turned to Lena again, Kara hesitated, her pace down the cracked sidewalk slowing as she reached into her bag and fished out her phone, quickly finding Lena’s number and dialling.

 

            She picked up on the seventh ring, and Kara smiled at the sound of her voice.  _ “Salinger.” _

 

            “Mozart.”

 

_             “You’ve already used that one.” _

 

            “Ah shit. Well, it’s harder to think of pianists than it is to think of authors,” Kara sighed, biting her lip as she nervously tucked her hair behind her ear, her sunglasses slipping down her nose slightly. “What’re you doing?”

 

            Lena quietly laughed,  _ “you should already know the answer to that.” _

 

            “Piano,” Kara laughed, “well, perhaps if you’re not too busy with that, we could maybe do something?”

 

_             “Please God, come and save me from my mind. I’ve had this melody stuck in my head all morning and I’ve been trying to figure it out. Still haven’t, just by the way, and it’s driving me insane. I’m going to whack my head on the keys any second and see if that helps.” _

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Kara shook her head slightly, “try not to bruise that pretty forehead of yours before I get there. I won’t be long; I’ve just finished work.”

 

            They hung up and Kara quickly ducked into the nearest supermarket, filling up a basket with everything she needed and impatiently waiting for the cashier to scan everything, unable to keep the smile off her face as she buzzed with an excitement that was almost tangible. As soon as she’d been handed her change, she was off out the door, her quick footsteps eating up the pavement as she made towards the beach, following the familiar path, breathing in the strong smell of pine needles and the beach as she was hemmed in on both sides by an endless stretch of blue waves and craggy grey rocks, which she knew led to cliffs further down the shoreline, where she’d first met Lena, and a small wooded area of pine, aspen and birch trees. Following the path between them, Kara clutched her shopping to her chest, listening to the melodic chirping of little blue-breasted swallows flitting in and out of the trees, and the faint echoing cried of gulls a storm petrels on the water, almost swallowed up by the blue waves crashing on the beach. Taking turns looking out over the beach and squinting into the dim forest, Kara quickly made her way towards Lena’s, taking the right hand turn and following the rocky earth packed path, bordered on by yet more trees and the autumn flowers that were bursting to life. Cutting across the overgrown front garden, instead of walking all the way around to the path, Kara walked up the steps and knocked on the door.

 

            A few moments later, it was pulled open to reveal a smiling Lena - no sunglasses covering her eyes, and a rather shocking pair of canary yellow jeans on - and Kara returned the smile. “Hi.”

 

            “You’re just in time,” Lena grimaced, “I’m two seconds away from taking a bat to that useless piano of mine. Would you like to come in?”

 

            “Actually,” Kara slowly said, tilting her head to the side as she looked at Lena, “I was walking over here, and I realised that it’s quite a lovely day outside. I was thinking that maybe we could sit out in the garden and enjoy it.”

 

            Hesitating slightly, Lena slowly nodded, a slight smile on her lips, “okay, but only if you tell me about it. Let me get my sunglasses.”

 

            “Deal,” Kara said, even though she was giving Lena a puzzled look at why she would need her sunglasses - it was just the two of them, and Kara was used to looking her in the eye, seeing the unfocused look of the gaze that wasn’t looking quite directly at her - but kept her mouth shut.

 

            “Oh, um, also, could you go upstairs and go in the closet in the hallway and see if I have a blanket we can spread out?”

 

            “Sure.”

 

            “First door on the right.”

 

            Kara stepped into the dark house, setting her bag of groceries and her jacket down on the bottom step, before she quickly jogged upstairs and opened the closet in question. Switching the closet light on, she found a worn red plaid blanket and pulled it off the shelf, tucking it under one arm and switching the light off before she gently clicked the door shut and walked back downstairs. Picking up her jacket and bag of groceries, she wandered out to the back garden, walking into the waist high grass, kicking some dandelions up in the process and letting the little white parachutes spiral in the wind as they spread the seeds across the garden. In the middle of the lawn, she set her things down and shook the blanket out, squashing a few yellow daisies that were growing amongst the field of grass, which she flattened beneath the blanket as well. Winding her way back through the garden, she walked up the creaking wooden steps, smiling as Lena stepped outside, her eyes hidden by her dark shades, and reached out to take her cool hand in her own warm one. Leading her over to the steps, Kara watched as Lena let her hand glide down the railing, measuring each step down to the grass, and silently marvelled at the soft feeling of Lena’s hand in her own as she carefully led her into the garden.

 

            They barely made it a step in before Lena stopped, frowning slightly as she reached out and let her hand brush the tips of the stalks of grass, pursing her lips slightly. “Hm, I didn’t realise the grass had grown so tall.”

 

            Kara let out a quiet laugh, instinctively giving Lena’s hand a quick squeeze, and kept towing her towards the flattened patch where the blanket was. “I was actually wondering about that, but I didn’t want to seem rude. I could do it for you if you’d like.”

 

            “Oh, that’s kind of you to offer, but I couldn’t ask you to.”

 

            “That’s why I’m offering.”

 

            She stepped onto the blanket and pulled Lena with her, before lowering herself down onto her knees and gently tugging Lena’s hand, her other reaching out to hover on Lena’s other side, ready to steady her if she lost her balance. They both quietly laughed as Lena awkwardly sank down to her knees, her other hand held out before her, just in case she pitched forward, and when she lost her balance slightly, it landed on Kara’s shoulder, and Kara’s hand went to her waist, realising that their faces were extremely close. It was in that moment that, for the first time, Kara wondered what it might be like to kiss Lena. Cheeks flaming, Kara’s lips parted slightly in surprise as the full force of her budding crush hit her like a slap in the face. _Oh, you like her_ , Kara’s mind seemed to softly intrude as things clicked into place for her, and Kara quickly pushed Lena back and snatched her hands back, clearing her throat slightly. It was stupid to do it, because Lena couldn’t see her anyway, but Kara couldn’t look at her. Quickly reaching for the bag, Kara emptied the contents out onto the blanket and held a bottle out to Lena, her head ducked down as she waited for the other woman to take it, before she realised that Lena couldn’t see the bottle. Reaching forward, Kara touched the plastic bottle to her hand, and Lena’s forehead furrowed slightly as she frowned in confusion.

 

            “It’s a drink. Peach sparkling water. I also brought sandwiches; is tuna and cucumber okay?”

 

            “Are we having … a picnic?”

 

            Kara paused slightly, a sandwich clutched in her hand and she felt her cheeks flush again, “I suppose so.”

 

            “Oh … thank you, that’s … nice. Tuna and cucumber is perfect,” Lena quietly told her, twisting the bottle cap off her drink and taking a small sip.

 

            She opened the cardboard packaging of the sandwich and gently nudged it into Lena’s hands, staring at the pale, slender fingers that cradled it in her lap, before she reached for her own sandwich. They were silent as they ate, and Kara crammed her sandwich into her mouth for the exact excuse to not have to talk to Lena. Things had been going so well, and now she was floundering, feeling flustered as she sat in Lena’s calm presence, oblivious to the inner turmoil of her friend. Choking slightly on a mouthful of her sandwich as she processed the realisation she’d just had, even though she had to admit, it had been sneaking up on her for over the past couple of months, and considerably quicker over the past few weeks, and Lena reached out to lay a gentle hand on Kara’s knee.

 

            “Are you okay?”

 

            Frozen in place by the hand on her knee, the fingers splayed over the dark jeans, just like they usually were over piano keys, Kara coughed, taking a sip of peach sparkling water as she tried to compose herself. “Fine,” she squeaked.

 

            “Are you okay?”

 

            “Oh … yeah. Just … work.”

 

            Eyebrows rising slightly, Lena tilted her head to the side, with an expectant look on her face, and Kara quickly ducked her head back, feeling the warmth in her stomach that was present every time she saw Lena.  _ This is bad, _ her inner voice told her,  _ you can’t have a crush on your only friend here.  _ Pushing her thoughts aside, Kara cleared her throat slightly. “The owner’s daughter … I went to school with her. She was friends with Alex for a while, but then they kind of had a falling out. She’s kind of a bitch.”

 

            “Oh, well I guess you can’t exactly tell her mom about that.”

 

            “Not if I want a job,” Kara sighed, “and it’s not like I can get a reporting job so …”

 

            “Hey, don’t worry. You’ll figure something out. You’re made for something bigger than this place.”

 

            “And you’re not?”

 

            Lena was silent for a few moments, slowly chewing her sandwich, clearly stalling for time as she hunched her shoulders slightly. When she finished the last bite of one half, she washed it down with some of her drink, fiddling with the bottle cap as she blindly looked down at the blanket. “I used to be. You asked me why I don’t record my music, and I told you I don’t want to be for sale … but for a while, I was. I didn’t have albums, but I played shows all over Europe. A lot … happened. Not with this,” she gestured at her dark sunglasses, “but, um, I fell out of love with playing for other people. I didn’t think I’d play for anyone else ever again.”

 

            A flicker of sadness crossed Kara’s face as she thought about all of the sad songs Lena composed, all of them tugging at Kara’s heartstrings when she listened to them as the sun went down, feeling dejected as she listened to the sombre music, and wondered if that had been a product of Lena falling out of love with playing for anyone else. She didn’t ask what had happened, but to give up shows in Europe wasn’t something someone so young and accomplished would give up easily, and she couldn’t help but wonder if Lena had come here to escape from some terrible pain too, or if it had purely been to escape from her mother.

 

            “Well then, thank you for playing for me,” Kara softly replied, looking up at her for a few moments, watching as the barest hint of a smile curled the corners of Lena’s lips.

 

            “Thank you for reminding me of what it’s like to have someone care,” Lena murmured, “not just about the music.”

 

            “Of course.”

 

            She pulled a two pack of pre-cut celery and carrot sticks and a tub of hummus up from where she’d emptied the bag and opened the tub, a smile on her face as she watched Lena’s face light up as she scooped some up on a piece of celery, telling Kara it was her favourite. Kara already knew that though, from when she’d seen her in the shop  with Alex, and had bought it specifically for her, although she did eat a few carrots dipped in it too. They spent a while talking as they made their way through the hummus, and then the kale chips, before Kara opened a two pack of cinnamon rolls and they ate those too. She couldn’t help but smile the entire time, finding herself relaxing as they fell into the easy teasing and witty remarks, trading stories and sharp words as they laughed, enjoying the weak sunlight as the sun followed its trajectory across the cloudy sky. Bees bumbled around in the grass, pollinating flowers and the swallows chirped from the trees, accompanied by the cawing of crows and the sound of the wind rippling through the leaves. It was so serene that Kara could’ve stayed there forever, peacefully enjoying the picnic, with the field of grass, the endless trees, the faint sound of the waves on the nearby beach, and the dizzying smell of Lena’s perfume, the faint tang of salt, and the mixture of the flowers secretly growing amongst the grass. 

 

            They were both stretched out on their backs, Kara with her eyes closed as she tried to soak up any warmth the sun had to offer, even though it had turned a little cool and she’d shyly offered her denim jacket to Lena when her arms started breaking out with goosebumps and the other woman had rejected the offer to take their conversation inside. She’d told Kara she wanted to be outside when she followed through on her promise and told her what the day looked like, and Kara had been all too willing to comply. So they lay on their backs, Lena with her head turned to the side, looking right at Kara, the jacket just a little too big on her, and Kara had her arms folded beneath her head as she smiled slightly, painting a picture of the world for Lena to envision.

 

            “I was walking along the path we take to yours from the middle of town. The sky was blue - eggshell blue; not too blue, but a nice soft colour - and there were a few puffy white clouds, too small to bring any rain. The water was a deep blue colour, and it dragged in seaweed and driftwood with it, the white surf rippling halfway up the beach before it dragged itself back out again. The sand dunes were blowing sand around - just a little - and the little clumps of grass were waving slightly. I could see little white seagulls and storm petrels, and just about hear them over the sound of the waves. And then on the other side, there were the pine trees and the aspen trees - their bark rough and peeling slightly, and little blue swallows flitting between the branches. You can hear them now; that little chirping sound. Where the hard packed earth gave way to proper soil - the kind that’s good for gardening - there were little yellow yarrow plants and shrubs of juniper, with the little berries growing on them. The whole walk I could smell salt and pine. And now … the sky’s not quite as blue, but you can still hear the sea if you listen closely, and the swallows, and there’s a few other types of trees. I think there’s a few red maples, and a couple of ash and oak trees too. You’ve got dandelions and daisies in your garden - yellow daisies - and there’s some sea oats too, hidden in with grass. You’d probably think it was just dead stalks of grass because they’re brown, but if you look closely, you’d notice the little grains on them. I’m not sure what else you have hidden in here, but I’m sure there’s a few other plants.”

 

            She finished talking and propped herself up slightly, turning to look at Lena, who looked so peaceful as she lay on the blanket, her legs crossed at the ankles and a slight smile on her lips. Pushing herself upright, the smile grew wider, and she climbed to her feet, careful not to overbalance, and let out a quiet laugh. “That was … perfect. And … I think I figured out my melody. Come with me.”

 

            Jumping to her feet, Kara quickly bundled up the blanket and their rubbish, hurrying after Lena, who had a hand stretched out behind her, and slipped her free hand into it, feeling a tightening in her stomach at the way Lena’s fingers closed around her hand. They were inside in a few moments, and Lena towed her all the way upstairs, slowly on the stairs so as not to trip herself up, her free hand sliding against the painted walls while she kept hold of Kara with the other. Setting the blanket and their rubbish down on the sofa, Kara walked over to the bench and sat down next to Lena, and within moments, she was playing something so beautiful that Kara couldn’t stop smiling as her heart soared, the music evoking a deep aching feeling inside her as she watched Lena play with pure elation on her face. She stopped and started a few times, occasionally stumbling over a chord or a few keys, but by the fifth time, she had it all figured out, and to Kara, the music felt like the day she’d described, so peacefully beautiful. 

 

            Afterwards, she neatly folded the blanket up and put it back in the closet, carrying their rubbish downstairs and putting it in the bin, and then picking up her bag and saying goodbye to Lena on her back porch. She didn’t mention that Lena was still wearing her jacket, because Lena seemed to have forgotten as she stood in the doorway, the sleeves almost covering her hands, and Kara gave her a soft smile, her stomach fluttering slightly as she watched her step back and close the door with the promise that they’d see each other again. She had no doubt that they would.


	10. Chapter 10

            The bell chimed as the door opened, and Kara was crouched down before the fridge, cleaning it out as she tried to peer through the glass to see their newest customer. “I’ll be right with you.”

 

            “Take your time,” Lena’s amused voice drifted towards her across the empty café, and Kara’s head jerked up, and she swore as she bumped it on the edge of the fridge.

 

            Smiling brightly as she watched Lena slowly move her cane back and forth, winding through the tables and chairs with a slow caution. “Lena.”

 

            “Hi.”

 

            “What’re you doing here?”

 

            “I’m here to see you, of course. I came in to have a look in the record store, and I know you said you were working today so I asked the guy where this place was,” Lena explained with a small shrug, “I thought I could stick around until you’re finished and maybe we could walk home together.”

 

            Kara’s face lit up, and she leant on top of the display fridge, watching as Lena made it to the counter, just a little to Kara’s right. Shuffling along until she was directly in front of her, Kara gave her a soft smile, “sounds perfect. Can I get you some tea or coffee while you wait?”

 

            “Uh, sure, I’ll just have a tea. Whichever you think is the nicest.”

 

            “Ah, that’s a lot of faith to have in someone you’ve known for … what is it, two months?”

 

            “I’m sure it’s well placed,” Lena smiled.

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh, Kara walked over towards the till and punched in the price, watching as Lena carefully dug out her purse and let her fingers skim over the edges of the notes. She handed one over to Kara, who let out a quiet laugh, already slipping some of her tip money into the till. “This one’s on me.”

 

            “Wha- no, no, I’ve got it,” Lena insisted.

 

            Kara let out a snort of laughter, reaching over to curl Lena’s fingers around the notes, her hand warm beneath her own. “You’re trying to pay with a fifty and I don’t have any change, so … I’ve got it. Besides, with the amount of tea and coffee you make me at your place, it’s the least I can do.”

 

            Begrudgingly, Lena put the cash away and let Kara come around the counter and lead her over to a table, before she set about making her a pot of hibiscus tea, filling the teacup with boiling water and watching as it slowly turned a deep magenta colour. Stirring in a small amount of honey, Kara carried it over to Lena and set it down before her.

 

            “Hibiscus tea with a little bit of honey,” Kara explained, wiping her hands on the front of her apron as she watched Lena hesitantly reach out for the cup, her fingertips gently brushing again the hot china and wrapping around the handle like an anchor, making sure she didn’t lose where it was. 

 

            “Thank you. I’ve never tried this one before.”

 

            “It’s nice - like cranberries - but I like it a little sweeter so … honey.”

 

            Smiling slightly, Lena took a small sip, and Kara turned around and busied herself with wiping some tables over as the watched those slender fingers cup the white teacup so delicately and Lena’s lips part ever so slightly as she took a sip.  _ It’s just an infatuation, _ Kara reminded herself,  _ it’ll pass. Just get over it; she’s your friend. _ Clearing her throat slightly at the sound of the spoon and saucer clattering as Lena put her cup back down, Kara gave her a strained smile.

 

            “How is it?” she lightly asked, moving further away from the table so she could avert her gaze and finish closing up the shop. If she stood there staring at Lena, they’d be there all night. Fetching the broom, Kara waited for the reply, her stomach tight as she waited for the quiet calmness of Lena’s voice.

 

            “I like it. The honey’s a nice touch.”

 

            Nodding, Kara smiled to herself as she made her way over to the far side of the café, pulling chairs out and sweeping the hardwood floor as she listened to the occasional clink of china on metal and the sound of the coffee machine and fridge whirring. They’d occasionally talk, but for the most part Lena just let her get on with her work. It was a comfortable silence though, with no pressure to talk, and Kara had gotten used to them as she’d spent more time with Lena over the past couple of weeks. After the picnic, they’d seen each other a few more times, as Kara had expected, and she’d realised that she was being stupid to think anything of her little realisation; crushes were fleeting things, and nothing would come of it, so it didn’t matter anyway. Still, the comfort of those silences was unexpected, because Kara had always felt the need to fill any silence, worried about it stretching off in awkwardness, but with Lena, it was never awkward, just quiet. Sometimes she spoke as if each word cost her, but she always spoke when she had something to say, and Kara was content to wait in silence until she said it. She was listening to Lena tell her about the music she’d been looking at in the record store when the front door was opened and Vicki and Josie stepped inside, pausing as they took in the sight of Kara’s smiling face turning to look at them in surprise, and the sunglasses on Lena’s face. Kara’s smile faltered for a second, but then she gave Vicki a bright smile and went to fetch the day’s takings for her to give to her mom, ignoring the blunt rudeness and the snide looks they were giving Lena, who didn’t exactly look inconspicuous in her red jacket and hot pink t-shirt.

 

            When they left, Kara quickly finished the rest of the dishes and switched everything off, before she fetched her bag and locked the doors, leading Lena out through the back way. Her pink bike was leaning against the wall and Kara picked it up and slowly started wheeling it alongside Lena, helping her skirt around puddles and garbage that cluttered the alleyway when Lena showed no sign of bringing her cane out. It wasn’t yet the middle of the afternoon, and they slipped through the town, with Kara occasionally waving to the familiar face of an old teacher or parent of a kid she used to tutor, while they talked and made their way towards the beach. It was a cool day, with the wind a little nippier than usual as it found its way through the thin t-shirt Kara was wearing, but it was a nice day - peaceful - and she realised she wanted to prolong the moment with Lena.

 

            “Hey, are you hungry?” Kara asked her, turning to look down at her slightly.

 

            “Oh, um, sure. What did you have in mind?”

 

            Wrapping an arm around Lena’s waist, Kara checked the street before awkwardly herding Lena and her bike across the road, slipping through a few side streets until she came to a fish and chip shop. They waited outside the dingy shop, the smell of seafood and vinegar wafting out through the doors, and not too long later, Kara had a grey wrapped parcel in the wicker basket of her bike, vinegar slowly soaking through the paper as she directed them towards the beach. Instead of turning right as they crested the first sand dunes, she turned left, heading towards the cliffs that Lena liked to visit, but brought them down onto the beach as the grey looming rocks started to appear. The sand dunes were steeper here, a treacherous slope for anyone who couldn’t see, in Kara’s opinion, so she ditched her bike at the top, bundled their food beneath her arm, and held Lena’s hand as they walked down them, taking it slow as their feet sank into the dry sand and they trampled patches of grass, skirting rocks and lumps of driftwood. Making it to the bottom in one piece, Kara picked a spot near the sheltering cliffs, which partially blocked some of the wind, and spread her coffee stained apron out over the sand. 

 

            Both of them squeezed onto the apron, their knees knocking as they jostled to get comfortable, and then Kara unwrapped the food, looking down at the mountain of vinegar soaked chips and two pieces of battered cod, covered in fine grains of salt that mingled perfectly with the briny smell of the sea. It was like every summer Kara had ever spent in Midvale. Picking up one of Lena’s hands, Kara placed it onto the paper for her and they both started to make their way through the food, the gentle breeze ruffling their hair and the sound of the sea loud in their ears.

 

            “So, what’ve I missed in your exciting life?” Kara asked, a look of amusement on her face.

 

            Lena let out a quiet laugh, shrugging slightly, “I wrote a new song last night, and my friend - Sam - might be coming to visit soon.”

 

            “Oh, I’m going to have some competition, huh?”

 

            “No, I wouldn’t be worried about that at all.”

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh, Kara felt a warm feeling spread throughout her as she reached for a chip and glanced up at Lena, who was looking out at the waves. “So, tell me about Sam.”

 

            “She lives in National City. She has a daughter called Ruby, who’s twelve. I’ve been friends with her for a while; she’s the one who’s always trying to get me to put myself out there more. She actually works for my mother’s company as CFO, and she’s very sweet and nurturing. I think you’d like her.”

 

            “She sounds great,” Kara earnestly replied.

 

            “I think she’d like you too.”

 

            Giving her a soft smile, Kara ducked her head down, nervously fiddling with her glasses, and just as she was about to reply, a loud ringing sounded from Lena’s pocket, interrupted with a robotic voice saying  _ ‘mom’ _ and Kara noticed the way Lena’s mouth turned down at the corners as she grimaced.

 

            “Sorry,” Lena murmured, quickly tapping around for the red button to decline the call, before putting it back into her pocket. Kara didn’t say anything, knowing that Lena’s relationship with her mom was a tough one, although she was surprised that they were still somewhat in contact with each other, by the looks of things. Although, Lena did look slightly upset as she propped her chin up on her knees and frowned.

 

            “Are you okay?”

 

            “Yeah, just having a bad day.”

 

            “You seem to have a lot of those,” Kara gently replied.

 

            “I know.”

 

            Hesitantly reaching out, Kara wrapped an arm around Lena’s shoulder, hoping that it was at least somewhat comforting, and she smiled slightly as Lena shuffled closer, closing the gap between them. It went unspoken that if there was anything Kara could do, Lena just had to ask, but it also went unspoken that Lena didn’t want her help with anything, and so they sat in silence for a long while, the pale blue sky deepening as the sun started to set, and the scattered the remnants of their fish and chips to the seagulls which clamoured around, so close that Kara could’ve easily reached up and touched one as it hovered overhead, before soaring off. Lena seemed to shrink away from their sharp cries though, the piercing sound too loud for her sensitive ears, and Kara sent them scattering with a chip thrown down the beach, giving Lena’s arm a gentle squeeze. 

 

            They were silent as the air grew colder and Kara let out a small gasp when she tore her eyes away from Lena’s face, and her mind away from the silent debate of whether or not she should brush her hair out of her face for her, and took in the sky. It was a beautiful deep blue spread out across the horizon, and wisps of clouds were bathed the palest pink as they were illuminate underneath by the rapidly fading sun. The days were growing shorter as the seasons turned, but the sunsets were still just as beautiful and Kara smiled as she looked at it. “Look at the sunset!”

 

            “You’ll have to describe it to me,” Lena murmured and Kara winced slightly.

 

            “Sorry.”

 

            Her hand on Kara’s knee, Lena gave it a quick squeeze, an amused smile playing on her lips as she patiently waited for her description. Letting out a gentle sigh, Kara looked out at the sea, her arm around Lena’s shoulder and a warm feeling in her chest, and she smiled, taking in everything before her. “The sky’s starting to get dark higher up, kind of like a dusky blue - I didn’t realise we’d been sitting here for so long - but near the horizon it’s still pale, um, a pale turquoise I’d say. The sun’s yellow, right above the edge of the water, which looks a deep azure blue, and it’s shining up at the clouds. They’re just thin wisps - no rain coming - but they’re the loveliest pink. You know cherry blossoms? They’re like cherry blossoms.”

 

            She fell silent as she finished describing the colour of the sky, and Lena was quiet as she was left alone to process Kara’s words and try and envision it. But then she turned to Kara and cocked her head to the side slightly. “Kara? Why do you let people treat you like you’re less than you are? Those girls in the coffee shop-”

 

            “They’re just some girls I used to know in school,” Kara murmured.

 

            “And your ex?”

 

            “Haven’t you ever liked someone enough to excuse their flaws?”

 

            “Yes,” Lena curtly replied, “I was in a long-term relationship until the start of last year. He was the kind of guy who wanted to save the world. He wanted to save me too. I was some broken little bird to him - a fragile doll - and he was nice. I looked past the fact that he had a whole hero complex because I thought that I wouldn’t find anyone better, and I cared about him and he cared about me. But the truth was, he used to treat me like I was less than I was, just because I can’t see.”

 

            “You’re not.”

 

            “And neither are you.”

 

            Kara was silent for a few moments, looking down at the sand beside her as she absentmindedly drew patterns in it, swirling the fine grains around with her fingertips as she tried to come up with something to say. It was true that Mike had treated her like a maid or a thing to parade around - and she was neither - and the girls she’d gone to school with treated her like she was an idiot - and she wasn’t that either. Sighing, she dusted her hand off on her jeans and gave Lena’s arm a gentle rub.

 

            “Sometimes … it’s easier to be grateful for what you have instead of trying to have more than you can.”

 

            “So you settle for second best, and let people walk all over you? You’re too lovely for that.”

 

            Her eyes prickled suddenly, and Kara looked out at the sun, letting the brightness make her eyes stream so she could tell herself it was the sun that was making her eyes burn and water, instead of the aching feeling in her chest. She didn’t  _ want _ to settle for second best, or let people walk all over her - she had dreams and wishes, but they were out of reach right now - but sometimes faking a smile for the coffee shop owner’s daughter was all she could do. 

 

            “Well, we don’t always get what we deserve,” Kara muttered, thinking about how quickly her life had gone downhill, beginning with the article that told the truth. If she’d kept her mouth quiet, more people would still be getting injured, but the truth had cost her more than she’d bargained for, on top of a breakup, which admittedly wasn’t devastating, but Kara’s ego was a little wounded at the fact that she’d come home to her bags packed for her with no say in the matter. Whatever she’d done, she didn’t think she’d deserved any of that.

 

            “I suppose that’s true,” Lena sighed, resting her head on Kara’s shoulder for a moment, “but I wish that we did.”

 

            Sitting in silence, listening to the sea and watching the sky grow darker as dusk descended, Kara let out a soft sigh, pulling her arm back from around Lena’s shoulder. “We should get going. It’s starting to get cold.”

 

            “Okay,” Lena murmured, and Kara quickly climbed to her feet and pulled Lena up, before she gathered up her apron, the sand stinging her arms as she shook it out, and she gathered up their rubbish. Threading her fingers through Lena’s, in what had quickly become a habit that both of them had fallen into, without consciously meaning to, Kara led her back up the sand dunes, before she dropped Lena’s hand and pressed a hand against her back, guiding her up the slopes of dry sand, their feet sinking in it as they struggled up it. 

 

            They walked in silence as the quiet evening unfurled around them, not a soul in sight as they followed the curve of the coast, accompanied by the sound of the sea and the rustling leaves, and Kara walked slowly so that Lena could be sure of her footing with each step along in the dark. It would’ve been easier for her to use her cane, but Kara knew Lena didn’t use it unless it was necessary, and holding Kara’s hand meant she didn’t have to. For her own selfish purposes, Kara didn’t object to Lena holding her hand for the entire walk home, even if it made wheeling her bike along with one hand just a little more awkward. By the time they made it to the path leading up to Lena’s front door, with Kara ditching her bike at the end and walking her all the way up to the door, it was getting dark, and Lena’s eyes were dark when she pushed her sunglasses up onto her head, her piercing stare seeming to see straight through Kara.

 

            “Thank you for walking me home.”

 

            “Anytime.”

 

            “What day aren’t you working this week?”

 

            “Sunday,” Kara said with a small smile, her hand still in Lena’s as they paused on the front porch.

 

            A hesitant look crossed Lena’s face, and then she tilted her head to the side, staring straight at Kara’s chin as she bit her lip slightly. “Do you want to come over Saturday night? We can … get drunk.”

 

            “But you don’t drink.”

 

            “I said I don’t drink because I wouldn’t be in control of myself and I’m blind,” Lena corrected her, “I trust you not to let me fall down any stairs though.”

 

            “Oh … okay,” Kara murmured, biting back a smile as she ducked her head, staring down at their entwined hands, “I’ll see you in two days then.”

 

            She should’ve pulled her hand back then, but she let it linger for a few moments - maybe a few moments longer than was appropriate, given the situation - and reluctantly let go of it with a gentle squeeze to Lena’s warm hand. Kara waited until she was safely inside her house, the sound of locks turning and chains being bolted, and walked down the pathway with a content smile on her face as she made for the abandoned bike. Peddling home slowly, the smell of salt in the air and the bracing wind in her face, Kara couldn’t stop the flutter in her stomach, no matter how much she tried to tell herself than it was nothing more than a silly crush.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there’s a mention of suicide in this chapter

            After work, Kara went home and quickly showered and changed, before grabbing the wine that she’d bought on her way home, texted Eliza to let her know she’d be out late, and then cycled over to Lena’s house. Leaving the pink bike leaning against the wooden slats of the house, Kara grabbed the bottles and quickly jogged up the steps, knocking on the door and patiently waiting for Lena to answer it. Kara bit back a smile as the door opened up and her eyes were assaulted by a short-sleeved bright blue Hawaiian shirt and a pair of emerald green sweatpants, her feet bare as she hovered in the doorway.

 

            “Hi,” Kara smiled, the bottles clinking as she adjusted them in her arms, “I brought wine.”

 

            “And I ordered Chinese,” Lena smiled, standing aside so Kara could come in. 

 

            “Perfect!”

 

            Closing the door behind herself, Kara followed Lena into the kitchen, flipping the light on as she went, and followed Lena’s directions to the cupboard with some glasses in them, settling for two highball glasses when she realised that Lena didn’t have any wine glasses, having never needed them. With a quick warning, Kara popped the cork from the bottle of wine and filled them both up glasses, while Lena fetched forks and put the little white cartons in the microwave and heated them up again, filling the kitchen with the smell of the food. They talked while they made their way around the kitchen, telling each other about their day, before Kara followed Lena back down the hallway and into the living room, juggling wine and food as she fumbled for the light switch and then followed Lena over to the leather sofa. The room wasn’t overly decorative, used as more of a functional room than one that was made to appreciate the look of it, and it was sparsely, yet luxuriously furnished with just the sofa, coffee table, massive TV on a stand, a row of neat bookshelves and an upright piano. Setting everything down on the coffee table, Kara sat down beside Lena and picked up one of the cartons, opening it up and looking down at the sweet and sour pork.

 

            “I’ve got honey chicken,” Lena proclaimed, spearing a piece on her pork and handing it over to Kara.

 

            “Sweet and sour pork,” Kara told her, quickly popping a piece into her mouth before she pressed the carton into Lena’s hand.

 

            Eating in silence for a few minutes, except for the occasional opening of cartons and the proclamation of what was inside it, and Kara took the time to observe Lena, feeling the familiar clenching of her heart as she was overcome with nerves. It wasn’t so much that she was nervous being around Lena - it was quite the opposite; Kara had never felt so comfortable around someone outside of her family - but it was the fact that her feelings might be more than she thought they were. That was something that she wasn’t sure she was ready to confront right now.

 

            “So, how about we get the drinking started,” Lena said after a few moments, giving Kara a lopsided smile as she was later presented with a glass of red wine being pressed into her hand. “Time to see what all the fuss is about.”

 

            “You might be wishing you’d never said that in the morning,” Kara laughed, picking up her own glass of wine and gently clinking it against Lena’s before tasting a sip.

 

            Lena took a sip of her own and grimaced slightly, a look of disgust on her face, “this is really not that nice.”

 

            Laughing, Kara slightly shook her head, “it’ll grow on you. Just keep drinking.”

 

            They drank the first bottle quickly, the coffee table littered with empty white takeaway cartons, and Kara was on her knees in front of the unit across from the sofa, a sound system sitting on a shelf in the unit the TV was on and a stack of CDs organised in no particular order, but all neatly lined up, and she was pulling them out, going through Lena’s music as she looked for something to play. There was a lot of classical music, of course, but a mix of other genres too, and a row of bookshelves along the far wall, similarly filled with CDs. 

 

_             “Queen?” _ Kara snorted.

 

            “What’s wrong with Queen?”  Lena asked, pouting slightly.

 

            “Nothing,” Kara laughed, “but from  Yiruma to  Queen? Bit of a jump. Oo,  ABBA!”

 

            “You can never go wrong with some Swedish pop,” Lena snorted, “go on, put it on.”

 

            With the CD in the stereo, the music started softly playing in the background, the second bottle of wine open, and Kara sitting on the sofa with Lena, they were both starting to feel the effects of the wine, and Lena couldn’t help but laugh when Kara started singing along. It was dark outside, and in their little bubble in Lena’s living room, they were giddy from the wine as they traded stories and listened to music. After the  _ ABBA _ CD finished it was replaced with a  _ Spice Girls _ one, and Kara launched into a story about how she’d been Posh Spice in a school performance one time, and Lena was completely enraptured by the story as well as Kara’s singing - which was admittedly good - her green eyes innocent and wide as she listened, and her lips slightly parted as she gripped her glass of wine in her hand. The wine going to her head, Kara couldn’t help but dopily laugh as she danced, trying to get Lena to join her, even though her efforts were in vain, and then once the CD came to a halt, Lena got up and clumsily played a few songs on the piano. Kara watched her play from the sofa, spellbound by the beautiful music and the sound of Lena’s laughter whenever she stumbled over some notes, and Kara didn’t think she’d ever get used to it. When Lena returned to the sofa, Kara switched the CD for some classical music, bringing the mood back down to something a little more subdued and quiet.

 

            “What about you?” Kara asked, topping up Lena’s glass of wine. They were sitting cross-legged, face to face, their knees touching as they quietly talked. Lena was onto her fifth glass of wine of the night, while Kara was pacing herself a little slower, making sure she didn’t let the drink get too her head too quickly, because she didn’t want to lose control when Lena was trusting her to keep an eye on her.

 

            “What about me?” Lena asked, raising her eyebrows slightly as she smiled.

 

            “Tell me more about yourself.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            Kara let out a quick laugh, “because you’re interesting, and … mysterious. I still don’t really know the little things. Your favourite books, flowers, colour, food. You know … the important unimportant things.”

 

            Snorting, Lena took a sip of wine, having become accustomed to it as the night wore on, and she pressed her lips together, getting lost in thought for a few moments. “Okay, let’s start with book … probably  To Kill A Mockingbird .”

 

            “Why?”

 

            “It was the last book I read with my own two eyes,” Lena sighed, “God, I miss that. You know most blind people don’t read braille, right? And the books are  _ huge _ , and they take forever to read. You think I’ve read things like  _ The Hunger Games? _ Nope, I’m still trying to make my way through the audiobook for books that came out a decade before that, that I haven’t had the time to finish because they’re  _ so  _ long. But anyway … what’s yours?”

 

            “Well now I’m just going to feel silly saying  Harry Potter ,” Kara sighed, an amused look on her face, “the whole dead parents thing just really gets to me though. And the magic. I used to want to be a witch.”

 

            Lena burst into laughter, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she clapped a hand over her mouth, her shoulders shaking slightly. “Of  _ course _ you did! Did you ever try?”

 

            “I mean … when I was nine I had a dream I could fly. I jumped off a six foot wall and broke my arm. Not sure if that counts, but I definitely thought I had something going for me.”

 

            Shaking her head, Lena sighed, giving her a warm, exasperated look. “God, what am I going to do with you? Are you sure you should be babysitting me right now?”

 

            “Whatever, Debussy. Finish the questions.”

 

            “Favourite food; cheesecake. Favourite flower; hmm, maybe posies. Favourite colour; black.”

 

_             “Black?”  _ Kara echoed, muffling her snort of laughter as she took in Lena’s bright clothes, “well … I never would’ve guessed.”

 

            Lena ignored the comment, a small smile playing on the corners of her lips, and she arched an eyebrow slightly, tilting her head to the side as she stared intently at Kara’s chin. “Your turn.”

 

            “Okay, well, um, I really love Chinese food - potstickers - and I, uh, I love sunflowers. My favourite colour is blue.”

 

            “Hm. Okay. What about your favourite animal?”

 

            “Otters. You?”

 

            “Wolves.”

 

            “What’s your biggest fear?” Kara asked.

 

            Lena let out a quick laugh, “I’m not afraid of much anymore. You can’t be afraid of things you can’t see. Axe murderers? I won’t have to see them kill me. Spiders? Can’t see them. But … maybe enclosed spaces. I’d hate to feel like I couldn’t get out of somewhere. I don’t like to feel trapped. What’s yours?”

 

            “Burning alive,” Kara immediately replied, “my parents died in a house fire. Not sure if I told you that part.”

 

            “Sorry,” Lena murmured.

 

            Shrugging, Kara grimaced, reaching for her glass of wine and taking a big sip. Setting it back down on the coffee table, she stared at Lena for a few moments and then reached out to brush a lock of hair out of her face, her fingers warm and gentle against Lena’s temple, just for a moment. “Tell me a secret.”

 

            “A secret? Why? What kind of secret?”

 

            “I don’t know, I just want to know more about you. I want to know everything,” Kara blurted out, feeling emboldened by the wine.

 

            Blowing all the air out of her lungs, Lena shrugged, “um, when I was little I used to be afraid of the dark. Kind of ironic now.”

 

            “I slept with my teddy bear until I was twenty,” Kara admitted.

 

            “I eat pizza backwards.”

 

            “Because you can’t seen it or …”

 

            Laughing, Lena tilted towards her, her forehead resting on Kara’s shoulder as her shoulders shook, and Kara gently placed her hand on her waist to stop Lena from knocking her onto her back. “No! Because I hate the crusts.”

 

            “You always smell like vanilla and freesia,” Kara whispered.

 

            Pulling back, Lena gave her a puzzled look, her forehead wrinkling in confusion, “that’s not a secret.”

 

            Letting out a short laugh, Kara ducked her head down, scratching the back of her neck as she tried to ignore the fluttering feeling in her stomach. “When I was seventeen I had a crush on my teacher.”

 

            “So did most people. It’s hardly scandalous,” Lena replied, “what did he teach? History?”

 

            “Ah, well,  _ she _ taught English. She kind of looked like Sandra Bullock. Did you ever watch  _ The Proposal?  _ Was that out before you … no, it must’ve been after. Well, anyway, she taught English and she was smart and funny and I was her favourite student - I had a need to be liked. But … that’s not the secret part.”

 

            “So what’s the secret part?”

 

            “I’ve never told anyone before,” Kara hesitantly said, pushing her glasses up her nose as she stared at Lena nervously.

 

            “Not even Alex?”

 

            “No.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            Kara let out a weary sigh, feeling the confusion weigh down on her again as she tried to puzzle through her feelings. She’d known that she’d liked her teacher, Miss Carter, but she’d always thought of it as a product of the fact that she was shown blatant favouritism. There were always book recommendations, and extra help with her essays during lunchtime if Kara ever needed it, and endless encouragement for her writing. Of course she’d known she was pretty too, but it had never occurred to Kara that there could’ve been something else there - some underlying reason as to why she’d liked her so much - and it wasn’t until recently, being around Lena, that Kara realised that it wasn’t the first time she’d had those fluttering nerves, and it wasn’t because of an English paper. Her crush on her English teacher had passed though, and she was sure whatever infatuation she had towards Lena would pass just as quickly.

 

            “I guess I just … I wasn’t  _ sure,” _ Kara eventually muttered. “I mean, I probably would never have told anyone if it wasn’t for you, and I guess the wine helps. It’s just … you know, one those things you never really talk about.”

 

            Lena was staring at the floor then, her eyes glassy and unfocused, and Kara knew that the room would be looking a little blurry if she could see, and she stared at her for a few moments, waiting for her to say something. When she finally replied, she didn’t meet Kara’s eyes, she just kept staring at the floor with that vacant look in her eyes, her face all sharp angles and tension. “My brother shot himself at the start of last year. I found him. I mean, I didn’t  _ know _ he was there, I thought I was home alone when I walked inside, and I went to get a drink from the kitchen … I thought the fridge was leaking and I’d stepped in some water. I left a trail of bloody footprints all the way through the house. I didn’t  _ see  _ him lying there. I didn’t know he was- not until my mom got home. I can still hear her screams sometimes. Whatever love there still was between us after my eyes- … well, seeing my feet covered in his blood, and the footprints, didn’t exactly spark any warm feelings. After that, I moved out. I broke it off with my boyfriend - the hero - and I got rid of my guide dog, and I just … I moved out here and haven’t seen anyone since. I couldn’t bear to be in that big house, all alone with her. He was my best friend. I should’ve  _ known _ . I can’t help but think that maybe I could’ve saved him if I’d- if I’d known. He was the one who always encouraged me to play … I couldn’t play for anyone else after- well, anyway, I know  _ all _ about things you never really talk about.”

 

            A lump formed in Kara’s throat, and it took her a few tries to swallow it as she stared at Lena in horror. “Lena-”

 

            She drew in a shuddering breath and hesitated for a moment - one of those slight pauses where she had to take a deep breath to steady herself before speaking, because she knew she was on the verge of tears, and she  _ really  _ didn’t want to cry in front of Kara, no matter how glassy her eyes were currently looking - and then she blinked a few times, suddenly lurching to her feet. “I think- I think I’d like to go to bed now.”

 

            Immediately climbing to her feet, Kara reached out and put an arm around Lena’s waist as she swayed slightly where she was standing, and began herding her out of the room, one slow, lurching step at a time. Making it out of the room, they walked over to the stairs, and Kara helped her up one at a time, standing a step below her and keeping Lena propped forward whenever she started tilting backwards. They made it to the landing and Lena lurched towards the door leading to her bedroom, fumbling for the handle, until Kara reached past her and turned it for her, sending them both stumbling into the room as Lena’s off-kilter balance dragged them forward. Laughing slightly as she tried to steady herself, Lena hit her shins on the edge of the bed and fell onto it, dragging Kara with her, until she half-collapsed on top of her. It was pitch black in the room, and Kara quickly pushed herself upright, blinking slowly as she tried to get her bearings and find the light switch. Once the room had been flooded with a yellow light, she took in her surroundings, looking at the wooden floor and white walls, the sea green bed sheets and curtains which hung open on either side of the large shuttered window. There were no photos or lamps, little trinkets or personal touches - only a white dresser to match the bed, a door to what she assumed was a walk-in closet, and two bedside tables, and Kara quickly walked back over to Lena, helping pull her up into a sitting position, smiling slightly when she started to fall backwards again.

 

            “Let me find you some pyjamas,” Kara murmured, “which drawer?”

 

            “Second,” Lena mumbled, her eyes drifting closed. 

 

            Letting her fall back down onto her back, half on the bed and half off, Kara quickly walked over to the dresser and opened the second drawer, pulling out the first nightshirt her hands fell on and shutting the drawer again. She walked back over to Lena and helped her to her feet, pressing the nightshirt into her hand, eyes widening with panic as Lena started unbuttoning her shirt.

 

            “Oh, I’ll just … close my eyes,” Kara lamely muttered, and Lena let out a slurred laugh.

 

            When she was done, Kara helped Lena into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin and smoothing the blankets out, giving her a sad smile as she reached up to brush her hair out of her face. Lena’s eyelids fluttered closed, her lashes dusting her cheeks, and she let out a small sigh, before rolling over and moving away from Kara.

 

            “Goodnight,” Kara whispered.

 

            As she reached the door and flipped the light switch, plunging the room into darkness, she heard Lena’s soft reply. “Thank you, Kara. You’re very kind.”

 

            Her voice was thick with emotion, and Kara felt an aching tightness in her chest at Lena’s hurting, wishing that she could stay and make sure she was okay. She knew it wasn’t her place though, and she shut the door behind her with a small click, deciding that if she couldn’t stay with Lena and make sure she was okay tonight, the least she could do was wait around until the morning and look after her then. Pulling open the door to the linen closet, Kara found a blanket and quietly padded downstairs, making herself up a bed on the sofa, feeling sad as she let the sound of the waves lull her to sleep.

 

            The sun was only just rising when Kara woke up, her eyes burning with tiredness and her head aching slightly from how much wine she’d drunk last night, and with quiet curses, she climbed to her feet, reaching for the empty cartons and bottles of wine, carrying them to the kitchen and throwing them in the bin. Quickly cleaning up the rest of their mess, she hesitated slightly before rummaging through Lena’s cupboards, pulling out some food and getting the coffee finely ground for a fresh pot. Much to her surprise, Lena was up not long after, her slow footsteps making their way downstairs, followed by quiet grumbling that made Kara quietly laugh. Walking out into the hallway, Kara watched as Lena slowly descended, a deep scowl on her face, her dark hair a mess, and her hand skimming the wall as she tried to keep her balance.

 

            “Morning.”

 

            “Fucking hell!” Lena exclaimed, slipping on the next step and falling hard onto the step, and Kara quickly ran up to her, her eyes wide with concern as she helped pull her to her feet. “Don’t do that! I had no idea you were even still here.”

 

            Kara gave her a sheepish smile, her hand gently rubbing small circles on Lena’s lower back, “sorry, I just … I didn’t want to leave you alone. I promised I’d look after you. I mean, I also promised not to let you fall down the stairs but … sorry.”

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh, Lena reached out and grabbed Kara’s arm, her eyes crinkling slightly at the corners, “well I only fell  _ on _ , not  _ down  _ the stairs , so I won’t hold it against you. Is that bacon?”

 

            “Yes! Bacon, and eggs and coffee,” Kara exclaimed, taking Lena by the hand and dragging her down the rest of the stairs and into the kitchen, where she guided her down into a chair. Looking a little peaky, Lena didn’t object to Kara’s insistence that she stay where she was, and when a glass of water was pressed into her hand, along with a few small pills, she didn’t hesitate before swallowing them.

 

            Kara turned on the radio, letting the staticky notes of the station it was tuned to - a classical music one - drift through the room, and she’d even propped the back door open, letting in some sunlight and fresh air, and a moment later there was a steaming cup of fresh coffee sitting before Lena. With the suggestion that they should sit out on the back deck, Kara dashed to the living room and picked up the blanket she’d slept with, before coming back and helping an unsteady Lena out onto the porch, settling her down on the top of the steps, a blanket draped around her shoulders to fight off the chill that was rolling in with the sea breeze, and her coffee clenched tightly in her hands. It wasn’t long before Kara was carrying two plates out to them, her own cup of coffee perilously held in the crook of her arm, and she set one plate down on Lena’s lap, the cutlery clattering slightly, and then made herself comfortable beside her.

 

            “I wasn’t sure how you liked your eggs cooked,” Kara said, “I did scrambled. I hope that’s okay.”

 

            “It’s perfect, thank you,” Lena quietly replied, an uncertain look crossing her face.

 

            Hesitating slightly, her cup of coffee halfway to her lips, Kara gave her a questioning look, “what is it?”

 

            “It’s just … no one’s ever looked after me like this,” Lena slowly said, “not like this. Usually it’s in some pitying way, like I’m incapable of making myself breakfast, but you … you never seem to pity me. Well, not until last night, but that’s okay.”

 

            “Lena-”

 

            “It’s fine, Kara. I’ve gotten used to it.”

 

            “You never  _ quite _ get used to it though,” Kara quietly said, reaching out to give Lena’s knee a gentle squeeze, “and that’s okay too. And it’s not pity, it’s empathy. I  _ know _ what it’s like to lose the people you love most. I know how that feels.” Lena exhaled sharply, her fork probing at her plate of food. “Bacon at twelve, eggs at three, toast at six and nine,” Kara summised for her and Lena gave her a curt nod.”

 

            She watched as Lena navigated the food easily, knowing that it wasn’t an issue for her as long as she knew where each thing was, and they both ate in silence for a few moments, enjoying the bracing sea air and the sound of the waves. Wondering if perhaps she’d overstepped by sticking around and talking about Lena’s brother so early in the morning, Kara was more than happy to stay quiet as she ate, but eventually, Lena replied.

 

            “I thought moving here would make it easier.”

 

            “So did I.”

 

            “Then we’re both idiots,” Lena snorted, “it makes no difference where I am. I couldn’t see him anyway, so almost everywhere holds the same memories for me. The worst part is losing everyone else though. My friends … even my mom. We never got along great, but there were moments where things were okay.”

 

            Kara gave her a grim smile, knowing exactly how that felt. She’d been a child though, and hadn’t had the option of staying in Smallville, with her friends and her school. “You could always go back, you know. You don’t have to stay here.”

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh, Lena shrugged, “I know … but I don’t want to do that either. I lasted about a month afterwards, before I packed up my stuff and got my agent to find me a house. Everyone back there were just full of pretty words with empty meaning, talking about how sorry they were for my loss, and how much they cared about him. It was all bullshit.”

 

            “Yeah, they think they’re helping, but it never does,” Kara sighed. 

 

            “Did you ever think about going back to … wherever?”

 

            “Smallville,” Kara murmured, “and no. I still have family alive, you know, but … I couldn’t stay with them. My cousin’s an orphan too - he didn’t come and stay with us though - and when my parents died, he was in his second year of college. He didn’t really have time to raise a teenager. And my aunt … well, she spent most of her life dealing with substance abuse - mostly alcohol - so, you know … adoption.”

 

            Swallowing her bite of bacon, Lena gave her a curious look, “is that a good or a bad thing?” 

 

            Laughing, Kara gave her a wry smile, taking a bite of her toast as she looked out at the overgrown garden. “At the beginning … it was the worst thing in the world. I cried everyday, I had panic attacks, I didn’t like my new sister, and I was the town weirdo who had been adopted as a teenager. My new mom and dad were nice, but I missed my real parents, and it took me about two years to get over that, during which I lost my  _ new _ dad too. After two years … I kind of got used to it. It got a little better. Alex became my best friend, Eliza pretty much let me do what I want because she didn’t want to be too controlling, I guess, and then a few years later, I went to college. Now it’s been thirteen years, and I can’t help but feel grateful for the people I met because of what happened, even if I still miss the ones I lost.”

 

            “Yeah, I’m starting to understand that,” Lena slowly said, a small smile curling her lips, “and good news, I guess, because in less than six months, I’ll reach that two year mark and hopefully get over myself.” 

 

            Her weak attempt at a joke made Kara let out an exasperated sigh, and she scooped some eggs up into her mouth as she shook her head, and then realised that Lena’s cheeks were wet as she carried on eating her breakfast. Unsure of whether to reach out and comfort her, or just let her get herself under control first, Kara felt a flicker of panic stir inside her, her hand nervously fluttering around Lena.

 

            “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cry. It’s just so  _ hard _ . Sometimes it’s easier … but on the bad days, I miss him so much.”

 

            Kara reached up and cupped Lena’s cheek, turning her head so that they were facing each other, and gently wiped away the few stray tears with the cuff of her sleeve. “Don’t ever,” she murmured, running her thumb across Lena’s prominent cheekbone as she wiped away a tear she’d missed, “apologise for crying. Not in front of me.”

 

            “I guess this wasn’t how you thought our drinking party would go, huh?” Lena thickly said, letting out a weak laugh.

 

            Wrapping an arm around Lena, Kara rubbed her hand up and down her arm, tutting slightly at the attempt to lighten the mood, but smiling despite herself. “No, I thought it’d end up with me holding your hair back while you threw up. I think I can handle a few tears, but I’d much prefer a smile. You have a really nice smile you know. With dimples. I like it. Whenever you smile at me, I can’t help but smile back.”

 

            “I’ve never smiled so much as when I’m around you.”

 

            “Then I’ll have to come around more often.”


	12. Chapter 12

            She had the late shift that Thursday, starting mid-morning and working until the coffee shop shut at five, and decided to head into town early and go to the library before work. With three new paperbacks tucked safely in her bag, Kara wheeled her bike down Main Street, the smell of fresh coffee and baking bread permeating the air, and she paused for a moment to look at the flowers on display on the rickety tables outside the florist, smiling at the comforting smell of lavender, jasmine and roses, and the familiar smell of freesia that she had quickly come to associate with Lena. Moving on from the florist, Kara made her way down the street, pausing for a moment and shading her eyes at the brightly dressed figure with a cane, disappearing into a clothing store. Smiling, Kara crossed the road, having to hurry as a truck came speeding past, and walked a little further down the street, leaving her bike leaning against the streetlight and walking into the shop, the sound of a small bell tinkling greeting her.

 

            Lena had her back to Kara, who smiled at the bright orange leather jacket and turquoise jeans, and as Kara neared her, she saw a pair of neon green running shoes held in her hand as she quietly told the sales assistant - Josie, Kara realised - that she’d take them.

 

            “Bold choice,” Kara interrupted as Josie started to pack the shoes back into the box, “neon green’s a little bright, even for you.”

 

            Turning around when Kara started speaking, Lena stiffened as she finished, and the smile on Kara’s lips faltered slightly when Lena brushed past her and walked outside without a word. Eyes widening in surprise, and mouth falling open in shock, Kara looked at Josie and then rushed after Lena, catching the door before it closed. Kara shouldered past people as she followed the dark bowed head, watching as Lena was jostled by people who didn’t move out of her way because she didn’t have her cane out.

 

            “Lena! Lena wait!” Kara called after her. Giving people apologetic looks and wincing slightly as she manoeuvred in and out of the other pedestrians, being bumped and her way blocked. “Lena! Hang on a second. Slow down.”

 

            She finally reached her, a hand falling on Lena’s shoulder, and pushed them both over to the small alcove in front of an optometrists, moving out of the way of people passing by. Catching her breath, Kara gave Lena a confused look, taking in the sharp lines of her face and the grim line of her mouth. A flicker of unease ran through Kara, and she couldn’t help but wonder if she’d done something wrong - perhaps offended Lena - but she’d seen her only two days ago and they’d had a great time watching Grease and eating the cheesecake Kara had picked up on her way home from work. 

 

            “What’s wrong? Is it something I said?” Kara asked, a wounded look crossing her face. “I’m sorry if you thought I was making fun of you. I wasn’t, I promise. Green looks nice on you.”

 

            “What am I wearing?” Lena quietly blurted out, her head ducked down and her shoulders slightly hunched.

 

            Eyebrows rising slightly in surprise, Kara smiled slightly, “an orange leather jacket and blue jeans - like a turquoise kind of colour. I think you’re wearing a purple shirt underneath with … white polka dots.”

 

            The muscles in Lena’s jaw clenched and unclenched a few times, and Kara didn’t have to see her eyes to know that they would be filled with anger. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

            “Tell you what?”

 

            “That I look like a fucking clown,” Lena snapped, her cheeks turning red with embarrassment. “All those times you told me you liked what I was wearing …”

 

            “I did,” Kara said, “did you- did you not know what you were wearing?”

 

            “No, I fucking didn’t,” Lena hotly replied, her voice trembling slightly, “I only buy black clothes. At least I thought that I- … they’ve been laughing at me the  _ whole _ time. You’ve been laughing along with them.”

 

            Kara blinked in surprise, her mouth falling open slightly as she tried to comprehend what was going on. “You think I was being nice to you to make fun of you?”

 

            “It wouldn’t be the first time,” Lena bitingly said, “I bet you’ve been having a good laugh about my wardrobe behind my back, right? Look at the blind girl who can’t dress herself. Doesn’t she look like a freak?”

 

            “Lena-“

 

            “Don’t worry about it.”

 

            Kara was left standing on the sidewalk, a deeply wounded look on her face as she stared after Lena’s retreating figure, confused as to what had just happened. Frowning, she turned back around and walked back for her bike, casting a glance into the shop, seeing Josie laughing with someone - Vicki, Kara realised as she looked at the blonde hair - and she felt a sudden rush of anger towards them both, knowing that it was their fault. They’d done it on purpose, and she abandoned her bike, walking up to the door and stepped inside to the tinkling bell again.

 

\---

 

            It was only a couple of hours later when she showed up at Lena’s door, a bouquet of flowers clutched in a bruised hand with split knuckles, her lip stinging and a lump in her throat as she tentatively knocked on the door. She waited a few moments and was met with silence, knocking again a little louder.

 

            “Lena! It’s me. Please, I just want to talk. I’m not going to go anywhere so you may as well let me in,” Kara shouted, her voice shaking slightly as she stood in the shade of the porch, the wind’s searching fingers finding its way through the thin jacket she was wearing. It was a cold day, the leaves browning at the edges as they started to curl up and wither, and the smell of decaying plants perfumed the air.

 

            When Lena didn’t answer again, Kara turned and walked across the porch, her feet thudding loudly on the wooden planks, and she took a seat on the top step, sighing as she set the bouquet down beside her. She’d meant what she’d said, and even if she had to wait all day, she’d do it. She needed to make sure Lena was okay. It wasn’t long before the chain rattled though, and Kara quickly leapt to her feet, flowers in hand as she whirled around, eagerly crossing the deck as the door opened. Lena was wrapped up in a white silk bathrobe, her eyes slightly red and her eyebrows drawn down low over her angry eyes, and she crossed her arms over her chest as she looked past Kara.

 

            “Hi,” Kara murmured.

 

            “What do you want, Kara?”

 

            “I came to see if you were okay. Can I come in? Please.”

 

            With a soft sigh, Lena stepped aside and let her brush past her, and Kara quickly walked through to the kitchen, setting the bouquet down on the table, alongside a plastic bag, and dragging a chair out, helping a reluctant Lena into it, before she sat down in her own. Neither of them spoke for a few moments, and Lena got up and put the kettle on, prolonging the silence as she made them both tea, her shoulders tense and the air brimming with barely restrained anger, coming off both women. With a cup of tea in front of each of them, Lena cleared her throat slightly.

 

            “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

 

            “I got ... fired,” Kara blurted out, feeling her cheeks turn red, “apparently punching the owner’s daughter and daughter’s friend doesn’t really go over all that well with them.”

 

            Lena’s lips parted slightly as her eyes widened with surprise, “you  _ punched _ her? Why?”

 

            “I told you, those girls are bitches. They both work in that shop - they’re the ones who’ve been messing with you,” Kara bitterly replied, “and I won’t let anyone laugh at you. Besides, I’ve got a history with both of them and would’ve liked to deck them both a long time ago. I'm not usually a violent person, but this time I guess I couldn’t stop myself.”

 

            “Are you … okay?”

 

            “I’m fine. Are you?”

 

            Lena drew in a deep, shuddering breath, her eyelids fluttering closed for a moment as she pulled herself together. “No.”

 

            “I’m sorry,” Kara softly told her, “I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve to be made fun of like that.”

 

            Scoffing, Lena took a sip of her tea, a brooding look of anger on her face as she stared past Kara, almost making her feel invisible. A dozen comments and questions on the tip of her tongue, Kara swallowed them all as she waited for Lena to say something, clutching her cup of tea in her hands as she stared at her with worried blue eyes. There was a dull ache in her chest, and Kara just wanted to take away some of Lena’s embarrassment and soothe her wounded pride.

 

            “Why didn’t you tell me about my clothes?” Lena finally whispered.

 

            “I didn’t- I didn’t know that  _ you  _ didn’t know,” Kara said, “I thought that maybe you … maybe you  _ wanted _ people to see you, instead of just the cane. Maybe you wanted to stand out for reasons besides being blind.”

 

            A near hysterical laugh escaped Lena, and she gave Kara a tight smile, running a finger around the rim of the cup. “That is … the  _ last  _ thing I would ever want. I’d quite happily blend into the background and be forgotten about, and you think that … you think that I would’ve wanted to look that way?”

 

            “Yes. I liked it,” Kara quietly told her, reaching for the flowers with one hand, and Lena’s hand with the other. “I saw you on the edge of that cliff, wearing a yellow raincoat, and thought you were the most mysteriously beautiful woman I’d ever seen. Here - a sunflower, like the colour of that coat.” Plucking a yellow sunflower from the bouquet, she held it up to Lena’s nose so she could smell it, before setting it down on the table. “And this one … a pink tulip like the poncho you were wearing when I bumped into you outside the grocery store. An orange marigold for the jacket you were wearing that day on the beach when I didn’t get to hear the music and you walked me all the way home, and bluebells for when I told you I knew your name and I found out you were my piano player. Purple for the dress you wore when you first played for me.”

 

            On and on it went, through a whole rainbow of flowers - some bright and some pale - and Kara explained each one, lifting the flower for Lena to smell, before she put it back down. The last one she picked up was a perfect red rose, and Kara let out a quick laugh, smelling the sweet perfume of the flower before handing it over to Lena. “And a red rose, for the other week when you reminded me that I deserve more.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            “Because I like you,” Kara hesitantly admitted.

 

            Tilting her head to the side, Lena gave Kara such a scrutinising look that she swore that Lena saw every inch of her in that moment. “In what way?”

 

            “What?”

 

            “You like me in what way?”

 

            “Lena-” Kara mumbled, feeling her face start to turn red as she squirmed in her seat. She let out a sigh as she ran her fingers through her hair, a pained look on her face as she stared at Lena’s expectant face. 

 

            With an arched eyebrow, Lena leant towards her more, propping her chin up in her hand, “if you can’t tell someone the truth about your feelings, then how can you expect to move forward with them?”

 

            With a deep breath, Kara sharply exhaled, wrapping her hand tightly around the cup of tea to anchor herself as she tried to pluck up the courage to be honest with Lena. She’d always been honest with her, and she wouldn’t change that now. “Well, I … I’m not sure. I mean, I like you - I  _ really  _ like you - but I don’t know if it’s just- if it’s a passing thing or if it’s  _ more _ . I’ve never felt this way about  _ anyone _ , and I’m not used to feeling like this. I’m just … confused. And I don’t want to ruin our friendship over something I’m not sure about, because I  _ do _ care about you, Lena. I care about you a lot, and I just- this has never happened to me before and I’m not sure what I’m feeling right now.”

 

            “So … you  _ might _ like me?” Lena slowly asked, a wary look on her face.

 

            “I think so, yes.”

 

            Falling silent for a moment, half a dozen emotions flashing across her face, Lena closed her eyes as she faced Kara. “Can you do me a favour? Find out before you make up your mind. Just … I don’t know, talk to your sister or someone. I’d rather you be sure than lead me on.”

 

            “Can I not talk to you about it?”

 

            “No,” Lena quietly replied, “I don’t think that’d be a good idea. But I think it’d be better for both of us if you sorted your feelings out first before we talk again.”

 

            “I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t  _ hurt _ you.”

 

            “You wouldn’t mean to - I know that, and I’m sorry for overreacting earlier - but you still might. I don’t have anyone else in my life, and I’d hate to lose you, because I care about you too. And I’ve been hurt before. My first girlfriend was when I was sixteen. She was popular - as popular as I’d been before … this. We dated for a month before I found out that it was all a joke. She’d been dared to see if she could get me into bed, but I thought she really liked me. I was humiliated. It hurt. I don’t think I could bear it if you messed with my feelings like that, and I know it wouldn’t be deliberate if you did, but I’d rather just wait and let you sort things out, for both of our benefits.”

 

            “Okay,” Kara murmured, a nervous feeling in her stomach. How was she supposed to figure things out when she wasn’t sure of her feelings? The only other woman who had made her nervous had been her teacher, but that was a completely different situation, and nowhere nearly like how she felt about Lena right now.  _ Lena’s right, you should talk to Alex, _ Kara told herself, and she nodded to herself as she stared down at her cup of tea.

 

            “Okay? So everything’s good between us?” Lena asked, her eyes filled with concern.

 

            Kara let out a shaky laugh, gathering up the flowers and climbing to her feet, “yeah, it is. Now, do you have a vase?”

 

            They set aside anymore talking about their feelings, and Lena fetched a vase for Kara, who filled it with water and put them on the counter near the windows by the wide sink. Think beams of light wormed their way into the kitchen - not enough to illuminate anything, but the best chance the flowers had in the gloomy house. Turning back around, Kara walked over to the table and picked up the bag, hesitating slightly before she pressed it into Lena’s hands, watching as her eyebrows rose slightly in mild surprise.

 

            “It’s … clothes. Some of my plain coloured shirts and jeans. They’re not black, but I’ve got some navy and white and I put some jumpers in too, in case it gets cold. It’s just until you can go shopping,” Kara explained, “I’m taller than you so you might have to cuff them.”

 

            “Oh … you didn’t have to-“

 

            “I wanted to.”

 

            “Thank you,” Lena murmured, clutching the bag to her chest, and Kara gave her a small smile. “I was actually in the middle of sorting out my clothes. Well I say sorting, but seeing as I can’t see at all, I was just throwing everything away.”

 

            Kara gave her a soft smile, fighting back the wave of anger towards the girls she’d hated for years, and feeling the dull ache in her chest. “Would you like some help? I can describe the clothes to you.”

 

            Murmuring her thanks, Lena made them both fresh cups of tea and led them upstairs, walking into her dark bedroom while she carried both of their cups, more sure of herself than Kara was in the dark. Flipping the light on as she walked into the room, Kara made a small sound of surprise, taking in the explosion of colour from the clothes strewn all around the room. The bed was almost completely hidden, the drawers were all open and empty, and hangers were bare on the railing in the walk-in closet, and Kara blinked in surprise.

 

            “Uh, well, let’s get started, shall we?” Kara enthusiastically said.

 

            She spent hours sitting cross-legged on Lena’s bedroom floor, describing the colour and pattern of every item of clothing she owned, while Lena grew increasingly more embarrassed and angry that she’d been the butt of a cruel joke and had actually bought hot pink or fluorescent orange clothes. She wanted to get rid of everything, but Kara managed to convince her to keep some of the emerald greens, vivid red and deep blues, insisting that they suited Lena’s colouring and would look perfectly fine with black. By the end of it, there were only a handful of things in Lena’s drawers and closet, and Kara nearly hung her clothes up beside them, grouping colours together and telling Lena which ones were where so that she could find and match them herself. After that, she didn’t linger much longer, even though a part of her wanted to stay and listen to Lena talk for hours on end, and watch her as her fingers flew across the keys of her piano, but she knew that she had to go and sort things out first. 

 

            Lingering on the threshold of the house, Kara ducked her head down, pushing her glasses up her nose as they slid down slightly, and she toed the doormat with the chicken on it as she fumbled for something to say. “I, uh, well, I guess I’ll see you soon.”

 

            “Don’t rush,” Lena gently told her, “I don’t think we should see each other until you’re sure, but don’t rush it. Take your time. I’d rather wait longer and have you be sure of your answer.”

 

            “Okay,” Kara murmured, an ache already forming in her chest as she thought about not seeing Lena for a while. That should’ve tipped her off straight away, but she needed time to think about her feelings. There was a lot there that she had never felt before, and Kara wasn’t exactly sure what those feelings were. “Just … call if you need something.”

 

            Smiling slightly, Lena nodded, “I will. I’ll see you soon.”


	13. Chapter 13

            Kara had a few awkward questions to answer the next morning when she finally saw Eliza, who had come home late the night before, and she winced when she saw herself in the bathroom mirror. She’d got in a few good hits herself, but she was sporting a colourful bruise around one eye and her split lip had scabbed over, and Eliza gently chided her as she placed a bag of peas in a dish towel and pressed it to Kara’s face while she ate her bowl of oats. She’d skimmed over a few of the details about what had happened, but she could see the wary look in her adoptive mothers eyes as she eyed Kara, wondering what to make of the whole situation, while Kara was sitting at the kitchen table trying to figure out what to make of it as well. The better part of her morning was spent trying to puzzle through her feelings, sitting on the balcony with a cup of coffee, wearing a thin jumper - the first one of the autumn as the bracing sea air held a chill to it - watching the deep blue waves crash onto the beach below her, while she took in the leaves of the surroundings trees, which were turning red and starting to fall. Autumn was ushered in, and she realised that she was no better off than she had been a few months ago.

 

            It was just after lunchtime when she rose from her spot on the balcony and went into her room, packing her bag with clothes and books and sending Eliza a message to tell her she was leaving. She sent the same one to Lena, telling her to call if she needed anything, and then she was walking into town and climbing onto the next Greyhound that passed through. The stale air smelled of the cleaning detergent and mint, and she watched dust motes spiral through the air as sunlight filtered in through the dirt speckled windows. Too restless to settle down with a good book, Kara ate the ham and cheese sandwich she’d picked up from the store and sipped at a bottle of lemonade, hoping it would settle her roiling stomach. The hours slipped by in that fashion, and she stared out the window as the bus trundled along, watching the array of red and yellow leaves and the occasional glimpse of the coast, sparkling blue in the nice autumn day. It was a perfect October day - a day for figuring things out.

 

            By the time the city lights were distinguishable twinkling lights on the horizon, the sun was low and dusk was well and truly descending, the sky a deep blue as the last remnants of light faded. They followed the twisting curves of the highways, passing beneath train tracks as trains rattled past, and crossing over bridges, where ferries, trawlers and fishing boats lazily passed beneath, leaving trails of white surf in their wake. Kara felt a pang of homesickness being back, and when she stepped off the cramped bus, inhaling them smell of smoke, car exhaust and stagnant water from the puddles accumulating over blocked drains, she realised that her life was different now. Gone was the fresh air and small town slowness of Midvale, and she was thrust back into the big, bustling city with its grimy streets and impatient residents, neon lights flickering outside every building as she walked down the street. 

 

            Catching a bus through the city, she listened to the loud honking outside as they got stuck in rush hour traffic, and was jolted around every time they hit a pothole, and by the time she reached Alex’s apartment building, she was tired and confused and wearily hauled the faded blue duffel bag over to the elevator. She knew she should’ve called her sister and told her she was coming, but she hadn’t wanted to get into it over the phone, which was her main reason for coming. Lena had been tight - she needed to talk to Alex. It wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have over the phone though, so she’d hopped on the first bus, and now here she was, knocking on Alex’s door and listening to the gentle padding of bare feet making their way towards her. A feeling of relief washed over her at the fact that Alex was home, because otherwise she would’ve had to wait it out at the dive bar they frequented, or hang out at Winn’s place. But the door opened to reveal Alex, her brown eyes widening in surprise, and Kara pulled her into a hug, her eyes prickling as the full weight of how much she’d missed her sister’s hit her.

 

            “What the fuck happened to your face?!” Alex said, gently pushing her back and gripping Kara’s chin in her hand as she drank in the black eye and split lip.

 

            Kara gave her a hesitant smile as she extracted herself from her sister’s grip, “long story.”

 

            “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming home?” Alex asked, a bright smile on her face as she shut the door and took Kara’s bag off her.

 

            “It’s not permanent,” Kara gently told her, “I just- I had to see you.”

 

            Her sister gave her a thoughtful look, before walking over to her bedroom door and tossing Kara’s bag inside. “Alright, well go and put your pyjamas on and you can watch  _ The X-Files _ with me.”

 

            “Okay Mulder,” Kara laughed, feeling some of tension in her stomach recede.

 

            She stepped into Alex’s room and pulled her pyjamas out of the bag, listening to Alex shout from the kitchen, asking if she’d eaten and then telling her she was ordering pizza. Kara came back out to a bottle of beer waiting for her on the coffee table, and she took a seat in the corner of the sofa, pulling the blanket off the back of the sofa and hugging a pillow to her chest. Her eyes were trained on the TV, and she tried her best to follow what was happening, but she really didn’t have a clue, and her mind wandered elsewhere. Her mind wandered to Lena. She’d still be playing the piano right about now, in for a long night as she puzzled and fumes over a new song that she couldn’t quite get right. Kara could almost pretend that she could hear the gentle notes of a piano.

 

            Then the TV froze, and she blinked in surprise, turning to look at Alex, who was staring at her with raised eyebrows. “Mind telling me what’s going on?”

 

            “I don’t know,” Kara sighed, a crease between her eyebrows as she frowned, reaching for the bottle of beer and taking a sip. She grimaced at the taste - beer was never her first choice - but took another sip, letting herself become accustomed to the bitterness of it.

 

            “How about you start with the face?”

 

            With another sigh, Kara explained the whole story to Alex - leaving out the events after Lena had stormed off - and watched her sister’s face as she talked, taking in the occasional flicker of surprise in her eyes, or an arched eyebrow.

 

            “So, you’ve been fired  _ twice _ in less than three months, huh?” Alex asked, giving her an amused look. “Good. You didn’t belong in that place anyway. Not with  _ Vicki. _ God, I wish I could’ve been there to see you punch her pretty face in. That would probably give seventeen year old me some satisfaction.”

 

            Kara couldn’t help but laugh, fiddling with her glasses as she looked down at the bottle in her hands, a warm feeling inside. Alex was always on her side. There was nothing to be afraid of from her sister who had gone through exactly the same thing as her only last year, and she let out a shuddering breath, picking at the label stuck onto the glass bottle.

 

            “Alex?” Kara said, her voice shaking slightly as she plucked up the courage to ask her. “Do you think I like girls?”

 

            Kara quickly looked up at her, looking at her with wide, serious eyes, and Alex gave her a confused look, a faint smile of amusement playing on her lips. “Do  _ you _ think you like girls?”

 

            Taking a deep breath, Kara shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe.”

 

            “David Bowie?” Alex guessed, a gentle look on her face as she looked at Kara.

 

            “Don’t call her that,” Kara sharply told her, her irritation flaring up at her sister’s harmless teasing of Lena’s eccentric fashion choices, which Kara no longer found amusing.

 

            “Kara-“

 

            “Never mind.”

 

            “Kara-“

 

            Before Alex could say anything else, the doorbell rang, and she sighed, giving her sister a concerned look, before climbing to her feet. Running a hand through her hair, Kara shook her head, leaning over to set her beer down on the coffee table and setting aside the pillow and blanket. She climbed to her feet, keeping her head ducked down, and murmured that she was going to take a shower.  _ This was a mistake _ , she told herself, trying to swallow the thick lump in her throat as her cheeks turned red. 

 

            The door shut behind her, and then her sister’s warm hand landed on her arm, stopping Kara in her tracks. “Hey, come and sit down for a second. Please?”

 

            Silently nodding, Kara followed Alex back over to the sofa, and pulled a slice of pizza out of the box so she didn’t have to talk while she ate. She realised she  _ was  _ hungry though, despite her stomach tying itself into knots, and she ate quickly, refusing to meet Alex’s eyes. It was a few tense moments of silence before Alex spoke, letting out a gentle sigh as she put her slice down and wiped her greasy hands on her sweatpants. “I didn’t think that you were, but I thought that you might be.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            Alex let out a groan, giving Kara a pained look. “You sent me the draft of your book Kara. A man who plays the violin in a house hidden in a forest? Come on. I’m a detective, Kara. It took me all of two seconds to figure out that the man was a woman, and she plays the piano instead of the violin, and she lives near the sea instead of in a forest. I mean, maybe the fact that you made us watch  _ The Proposal _ every night for a month when I was home for the summer holidays should’ve tipped me off - I’m not blind, Kara, I know Miss Carter looks a little like Sandra Bullock - but I mean, I didn’t even know  _ I  _ liked girls then so I wasn’t one to assume.”

 

            “But I don’t  _ know _ if I do,” Kara said, feeling frustrated as she tried to unravel the confused knot of thoughts and feelings inside her. “Lena said-“

 

            Alex let out a surprised laugh, her eyebrows shooting up as she gave Kara an incredulous look. “Wait, you talked to her about this?”

 

            “Of course I did!” Kara exclaimed, “she told me to come and talk to you. She said she can’t help me with it because I need to make the decision myself. But I don’t know  _ how  _ to make that decision.”

 

            Reaching out, Alex took Kara’s hands in her own, giving them a gentle squeeze. “It’s okay. It’s  _ okay _ . Whatever you realise about yourself … it’s okay. If you like her, then it’s okay to like her, and if it turns out you don’t, then you don’t. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

 

            “I do like her,” Kara blurted out, her cheeks pink with embarrassment at admitting it to her sister, “I like her  _ so  _ much, Alex.”

 

            “Have you kissed her yet?”

 

            Spluttering, Kara’s face turned scarlet and she ducked her head back down. “No! Of course I haven’t.”

 

            “Do you  _ want  _ to kiss her?”

 

            There was a long pause, and Kara wasn’t sure if she’d be able to get the words out, settling for a small nod as she felt slightly nauseous. Admitting that she wanted to kiss Lena was a big step in trying to figure out her feelings, and she’d known she’d wanted to kiss her since the day she’d made her have a picnic in the backyard. But still, there was a small part of her that told her that she was reading too much into it, and that it might pass. 

 

            “I’m just … so confused,” Kara quietly said, her voice cracking slightly and her eyes prickling as she tried to blink back tears. “My whole life, I’ve seen myself a certain way … and I’m scared that if I’m different now then so much is going to change.”

 

            “Change isn’t a bad thing,” Alex gently reassured her, “and so much has changed in your life over the past few months anyway. You’re not the same person you were then. My little sister would never have been found brawling in a shop to stand up to some bullies.” She let out a quick laugh and Kara joined in too, “and she would never had had the courage to start writing her book if she hadn’t been fired. Sometimes … change is good. Coming to terms with who you are - who you’ve  _ always  _ been, even if you didn’t know it  - is going to be a big change. Trust me, I know. It’s so freeing though. It’s like- like it suddenly makes sense, why you’ve had those feelings, and you don’t have to hide it from yourself anymore. You’re not giving up who you were before, you’re just acknowledging the part that’s always been there.”

 

            “What if- what if it doesn’t work out?”

 

            Laughing, Alex wrapped her arms around Kara, pulling her close, and Kara let herself be drawn into a hug, leaning her head on Alex’s shoulder while she looked at the paused TV. “You and Mike weren’t made for each other - you always deserved better than what he could give you. And Maggie and I … we just wanted different things. That’s all. It doesn’t mean I didn’t love her - a part of me still does - but you and Lena could be perfect for each other. You won’t know until you try, and you can’t spend forever being afraid that things might not work out, because you could miss out on something great. You deserve someone who loves you, Kara.”

 

            “I don’t want to hurt her,” Kara mumbled.

 

            Laughing, Alex kissed the top of Kara’s head, rubbing her arm slightly as she smiled. “You … are the sweetest and most loving person I know. By the sounds of things, she needs someone too, and I don’t think you could ever willingly hurt someone - well, someone you care about. If there’s a chance at happiness, you should take it, and hold onto it for as long as you can.”

 

            Nodding, Kara rubbed at her tired eyes, feeling drained and still a little confused, if she was being honest, and a small part of her felt like crying. It was a lot to process, but to know that Alex was there to help her was a relief. Still, when she went to bed that night, she couldn’t help but think about Lena and miss her, even though she’d seen her yesterday. It just felt strange to discuss her feelings towards someone without them being there to help her figure them out, because her and Lena were very honest with each other, and she’d been honest yesterday too. She tossed and turned all night on the sofa, trying to get comfortable with the blanket and pillow as her mind turned over her conversation with Alex, trying to see if it fit with what she wanted. She stayed Saturday night too, spending her free time catching up with Winn and James, drinking at the bar, and getting lunch with Alex, but every moment in between was filled with Lena. On Sunday, Kara knew that it was more than a crush, and it wasn’t going away anytime soon. She’d spent hours over the past couple of days talking to Alex about her feelings, slowly coming to terms with the fact that she deeply cared about Lena, and as difficult as it was at the beginning to admit it to herself, by Sunday morning she was ready to admit it to Lena as well.

 

            Alex had work off and decided to accompany Kara back to Midvale, making the bus ride back more bearable, even though she couldn’t help but fidget the whole ride back, irritating Alex, who was trying to nap as she bathed in the sunlight streaming in through the windows. Kara felt nervous the whole drive back, looking out the window as miles of asphalt was eaten up by the wheels as the bus trundles along the coast, passing trees in varying stages of being taken over by winter, and grey waves that pounded against the base of the cliffs, or flooded up the tanned sandy beaches. It was a little after midday when they hopped off the bus, the cool breeze bringing the briny smell of the sea with it, and Kara smiled as her blonde hair was ruffled by the wind. With a startling surprise, she realised she’d started to think of Midvale as home again, and it felt good to be back. The sprawling woods perfumed the air with the smell of pine and rotting vegetation, so different to the towering blocks of buildings, blocking out the sunlight and making her feel claustrophobic, compared to the openness of the small town.

 

            Walking down Main Street, Kara caught a glimpse of the coffee shop and felt a flicker of anger at the thought of Vicki being in there, and as they walked past, she caught a glimpse of the girl’s blonde hair and paused. “Wait here,” Kara said to Alex, who looked at her with surprise, but followed Kara inside anyway.

 

            At the tinkling of the bell, Vicki looked up, her bored look replaced with a venomous one as she locked into Kara, her left cheek slightly miscoloured beneath the layer of makeup, and Kara felt just the tiniest bit guilty - not enough to make her regret hitting her, but enough to feel bad for losing control so easily. Vicki was in the middle of wiping a table clean, a cloth clutched in one hand and a citrusy smell of the cleaning spray wafting towards Kara, who shifted slightly. “You’re not allowed in here,” Vicki snapped.

 

            “I just needed to say something.”

 

            “Sorry?”

 

            “No,” Kara bristled slightly, throwing her shoulders back, earning her the attention of everyone enjoying their coffee and cakes, while another employee nervously made coffee behind the counter. “It’s you who needs to apologise.”

 

            “You think I’m going to apologise to you?” Vicki laughed, “you’re the one who attacked  _ me.” _

 

            “Attack is a strong word,” Kara hesitantly said, before finding her courage again, “and no, you need to apologise to Lena.”

 

            “Who?”

 

            “Lena. The blind girl that you’ve been tormenting for  _ months.” _

 

            “Oh  _ please _ , it was just a joke.”

 

            “Well no one else finds it very funny.”

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Vicki shook her head and carried on wiping her table. “Whatever Kara.”

 

            Feeling her temper flare up again, Kara opened her mouth to snap at her, but Alex clamped a hand down on her shoulder and pulled her backwards. She went willingly, pushing open the door a bit too aggressively, and stumbled out onto the street, holding the door open for Alex and frowning when her sister didn’t follow her out. “Next time you pull another stunt like that, I’ll have you arrested for harassment, and who knows, you might actually have something interesting about yourself, because god knows, you have the personality of a wet blanket and need all the help you can get. Speaking of wet blankets, I wouldn’t act so stuck up and vain when you used to wet the bed until you were fourteen. Also your coffee is shit.”

 

            Biting back a smile, Kara watched her sister storm out, slamming the door behind her, sending the bell clanging wildly, and almost bumped into a tall brunette woman, reaching out instinctively to steady her. “Sorry.”

 

            “No problem,” the woman replied, giving her a gentle smile as she held onto Alex, steadying her at the same time. A soccer ball cane skittering down the street, and Alex clamped a booted foot down on it, while the woman sighed. “Ruby! What’ve I said about kicking the ball down the street?”

 

            “It wasn’t me, mom! It was Lena,” the girl exasperatedly called back, jogging over to her mom, and Kara’s head snapped around, her blue eyes looking for the brightest colour she could find, before she realised Lena’s clothes were all gone.

 

            Instead, her eyes landed on a woman wearing all black, holding a white and red cane in her hand, with the familiar dark sunglasses covering her eyes. It took her a few minutes to drink in the leather jacket and fitted jeans, the slightly heeled boots and the thin jumper, and she smiled at the tight braid too, knowing that the girl - Ruby - must’ve done it. It was a startling contrast to the Lena she’d become accustomed to, and for the first time, Kara felt like she was the blind one. Taking in the elegantly demure look, she realised that  _ this _ was Lena. This had always been her Lena, and she felt the nervous fluttering return ten-fold in her stomach as she watched her walk towards them.

 

            “Oh, Lena,” Alex greeted her with surprise.

 

            “Oh, um … hi,” Lena hesitantly replied, a look of apprehension on her face as she tried to place the vaguely familiar voice.

 

            “It’s Alex,” Kara supplied for her, watching as surprise flitted across Lena’s face, and a small smile curled her lips, “hi.”

 

            “Kara! Hi,” Lena said, turning to the woman next to her, “Sam, this is Kara. And this is her sister, Alex. This is my friend, Sam, and her daughter, Ruby.”

 

            Introductions were made while Kara just stared at Lena, taking in the relaxed manner she exuded as they blocked the sidewalk, and she couldn’t help but feel warm inside as she looked at her. It turned out that Sam had come down for the weekend, come to visit her best friend, and Kara realised it had been Sam who had taken her shopping and helped her pick out black clothes more suited to Lena’s wants. Kara had only just met her, but she liked her already. 

 

            “Nice jacket,” Alex commented after they’d all caught up.

 

            “Ah, I see Kara’s been gossiping,” Lena replied with a wry smile.

 

            “That’s not the only thing she’s been telling me.”

 

            Kara felt her cheeks turn slightly pink, and she scratched the back of her neck, feeling less dignified than she would’ve liked with her black eye and flushed cheeks, nervously pushing her glasses up her nose. She could feel Lena’s attention on her, and wasn’t sure what to say, feeling a little flustered and unprepared at the surprise run in. “We, uh, we just got off the bus. I was going to call you later. Maybe … maybe I could come by when you’re free?”

 

            Giving her a small smile, Lena nodded, “how about tomorrow? Sam’s heading back to National City tomorrow morning, so I’ll be free all day.”

 

            “Oh, sure, tomorrow’s great. Alex is leaving then too.”

 

            “Just came to bring her back,” Alex chimed in, throwing an arm around Kara’s shoulder, “and get away from the city for a night.”

 

            “You’re catching the bus tomorrow? I can give you a ride, if you’d like,” Sam offered, her brown eyes full of warmth and friendliness as she gave Alex an expectant look, and much to Kara’s surprise, Alex was trying to bite back a smile, looking a little flustered as she graciously accepted the offer.

 

            They only lingered a few moments longer before parting ways, and Alex bounced the ball before handing it off to the dark haired girl, smiling as she watched her dribble it down the sidewalk while Sam rolled her eyes. Kara glanced at Lena once more before she left, reaching out to gently let their hands brush against each other, before she murmured another goodbye and moved on. Her and Alex got a quick lunch at their favourite diner, picked up groceries for dinner, and then walked home, enjoying the scenic route along the beachfront, both of them laughing and enjoying each other’s company, feeling carefree for the first time in a while. Back at the house, they threw the windows open, letting in the fresh air, and filled the kitchen with the smell of spices and peppers as they cooked enchiladas for dinner, the sound of the radio a comforting murmur in the background. By the time Eliza came home, it was dark outside, and she found both of her daughter’s laughing in the yellow light of the kitchen, setting the table and drinking wine while they waited for their mom to get home from the lab.

 

\---

 

            The next morning, Kara got up early and showered and dressed, looking at herself in the mirror and taking in the circles under her eyes from a night of tossing and turning while Alex slept soundly on the other side of the room. She couldn’t help but be nervous, and she hadn’t been able to sleep all night, thinking about what she’d say to Lena, and what Lena would say back to her - a part of her way worried that perhaps Lena might not like her back, and it was just her trying to help Kara acknowledge her feelings. After all, she’d never said that she liked her back.

 

            To keep herself busy, she made bacon and eggs for breakfast, and then once she’d finished eating, talking and eating quietly with Eliza at the breakfast table, she turned her attention to making some fresh scones, kneading the dough and making perfect little circles, before placing them on a tray and watching them rise and turn golden brown. She spread jam on one while it was still warm, eating it on the balcony as she stared out at the glistening waves, listening to the seagulls cawing as they skimmed the rolling waves.

 

            Alex came down not too long later, dressed for the ride home and looking well rested, much to Kara’s jealousy. She made her sister a quick breakfast too, and then packed up some fresh scones into two sandwich bags, handing one to Alex and keeping the other in her hands. Eliza was on her way to work and dropped them both off outside Lena’s house, and if she had any thoughts about the overgrown garden, she kept them to herself. Hugging Alex goodbye, Eliza made her promise to visit soon, and both of them climbed out of the car, waving goodbye and walking up the garden path. The chain was already rattling and the door opening as they mounted the steps, and Kara felt her stomach twist with nervous excitement, clutching the carefully packed sandwich bag of scones to her chest as she came face to face with Lena, who gave her a small smile. 

 

            “Hi,” Kara said, feeling relief wash over her as she stared at Lena, taking in the navy flannel shirt she was wearing - one of Kara’s - and feeling her heart flutter slightly.

 

            “Good morning,” Lena murmured, turning her head slightly to the left and staring blankly ahead, “good morning Alex.”

 

            “Lena,” Alex warmly greeted her, “good to see you again.”

 

            Stepping back, Lena let waved them into the house, the lights already on to accommodate her guests, and shut the door behind them. “Sam’s just getting her stuff together.”

 

            They followed Lena through to the kitchen, Kara behind her, and Alex coming last as she looked around with interest, taking in the wide hallway, clean wooden floors and comfortably furnished house. Lena’s wealth was visible in the understated simplicity of the place, and Kara could almost hear her sister swallowing her comments as they passed through the house. The kitchen smelled of fresh coffee and slightly burnt toast, and Kara smiled at the girl sitting at the table.

 

            “Hey Ruby, you remember Kara and Alex, right?” Lena said, holding onto the doorframe and reaching out with one hand as she braced herself to let go. Kara took hold of her elbow, and Ruby jumped up pull out a chair for Lena, giving the three women a warm smile.

 

            “Hi.”

 

            “Can I get you some tea or coffee while you wait?” Lena offered.

 

            The sound of shuffling footsteps made their way down the hallway, and Sam was heaving three bags along, a slightly flustered look on her face. “I’m here. I’m all packed. Kara, Alex, hi.”

 

            They all said hello and stood around talking for a few moments, and then it was time to leave, and Kara helped Lena to her feet, smiling as Ruby ducked past and ran to the door, letting warm sunlight flood inside, and Alex took two of the bags off Sam, helping her carry them to the car parked on the curb. Standing on the porch, Kara laughed as Lena was almost bowled over by an overzealous twelve year old, and then hugged by her friend, and when Alex was saying goodbye to Lena, Sam sidled a little closer to Kara. 

 

            “Thank you for being gentle with her,” she murmured, and Kara’s eyebrows rose slightly in surprise, “it makes me feel a little better knowing she’s not out here alone.”

 

            “Of course,” Kara smiled, “maybe next time you visit we might actually be able to actually get to know each other. I know she cares about you a lot.”

 

            “Mhm, I’m not the only one she cares about though.”

 

            Kara ducked her head down, quietly laughing as she scuffed her foot along the wooden plank of the porch, and then Ruby was bounding back up the steps, dragging her mom away, and Kara gave Alex a quick hug, promising to give her a call later on, and then it was just her and Lena standing on the porch. Shading her eyes against the sun, Kara waved as the car pulled away, and then she looked at Lena, who was staring into nothingness, and reached out to gently touch her hand.

 

            “How’ve you been? You look tired.”

 

            “I’ve been okay. I wasn’t able to sleep last night,” Lena sighed, turning around and walking back inside, “too busy thinking about today.”

 

            Laughing, Kara gave her back a sheepish look, “me too, actually.”

 

            She followed Lena down the hallway and back into the kitchen, helping her make tea and offering up the fresh scones she made for her, poaching some jam and cream from the fridge and suggesting they sit on the back porch and enjoy the cool day while they talked. A few minutes later and they were both sitting side by side on the top step, a rose patterned teacup and a scone beside each of them, and Kara watched the branches sway in the wind while they took a few moments to get comfortable. 

 

            “So, I like Sam,” Kara hesitantly started.

 

            “She likes you too,” Lena murmured, “I wish you’d been here to get to know her.”

 

            “I’m sorry, I just … I had to talk to Alex. Face to face.”

 

            Lena gently bumped her shoulder against Kara’s, a small smile on her lips as she delicately held the teacup and saucer in her hands. “How’d it go?”

 

            Shaking her head slightly as she smiled, Kara bit her lip, wondering where to start. The weekend had been a series of unraveling her thoughts and feelings, and there had been a lot to unpack, and Alex had patiently helped her understand the new feelings. Sitting beside Lena now, Kara knew that she’d come to the right conclusion, and there was no mistaking her feelings.

 

            “Good. I mean, I’m hoping it’s good,” Kara said, that nervous fluttering in her stomach again, and she drew in a shallow breath, curling her hands into fists as she stared at the trees. But then she had to face Lena - she had to look into those sea green eyes and say it to her face - and she couldn’t help the slow smile that spread across her face. The gentle breeze ruffled Lena’s unbound hair, and her skin was perfect ivory, her eyes intense, if a little unfocused, and Kara was still trying to get used to this new understated version of Lena in her dark clothes, finding that it suited her perfectly. Everything new she found out about her only drew her in more, and Kara wanted to know everything, finding herself wanting to know Lena more with everything she learnt. “I like you - I like you a  _ lot  _ \- and not just in a friend way, but in a way that’s …  _ more _ . I know you never said that you liked me back, but I care about you, and I realise that this is a new thing for me, and I’m okay with just being your friend, because you mean a lot to me. I just- you’re so smart, and funny, and your eyes are so  _ captivating _ . And the way you smile … and the way you close your eyes a little when you laugh, and they crinkle slightly at the corners. And I love to hear you talk, and the way you play the piano -  _ God _ I love the way you play the piano - and your hands are always so gentle when you reach out and touch my arm to catch your balance. I’ve been thinking about you all weekend, and I … I really like you, Lena, and I’m not saying it as a mean joke, because how could I  _ not _ like you?”

 

            There was a dreamy look in Lena’s eyes as she stared at Kara with wonder, drinking in the words and feeling warm inside as she listened to the nervous rambling, finding it endearing and completely charming. No one had ever sounded so flustered and nervous while admitting they liked her, and it melted Lena’s heart, and Kara couldn’t stop herself from blushing as she came to an end, fiddling nervously with her glasses. She waited for Lena to say something, taking in the slightly glassy look in her green eyes, and felt her heart hammering in her chest and her hands turn clammy, which she quickly wiped on the thighs of her jeans. Even the breeze seemed to have settled as she waited for Lena’s response with bated breath, and the trees stopped rustling for a moment, the whole world at a standstill. And then as Lena let out a soft sigh, it was like she breathed life back into the world, and her lips split into a crooked smile, her dimples appearing as she reached out to gently cup Kara’s face in her hands. Kara didn’t dare move, her lips parting slightly as she sat like a statue, frozen in place by the feeling of Lena’s warm hands cupping her cheeks, the soft pads of her thumbs caressing her cheekbones, and her eyes fluttered closed at the feeling. It felt so intimate and tender, and Kara felt a yearning in her heart.

 

            “You know, you’re the first person who’s ever made me fall in love with the way you see the world through your eyes.”

 

            “That’s not what reality’s like.”

 

            Lena let out a quiet laugh, her warm breath fanning across Kara’s cheek and making her heart stammer, “I know, but your voice … it made me believe that there were still beautiful things to discover. Along the way, I discovered  _ you _ .  _ Where _ did you come from? You’re everything that’s good and kind, and  _ God _ , you’d be so worth the heartbreak.”

 

            Eyes prickling with tears as she let out a shaky breath, Kara reaching up with a trembling hand and cupped Lena’s cheek in her own hand, letting her forehead fall forward and gently rest against Lena’s. Her voice was thick with emotion when she replied, a smile playing on her lips, “I won’t be breaking any hearts around here. Let me take you out to dinner. Or breakfast. Lunch. Brunch. Whatever you want.”

 

            “Dinner? Like, in a restaurant?” Lena asked, a little apprehensively. “I haven’t eaten out in years. Too much hassle. It’s why I wanted you to be sure. There’s liking girls, and then there’s …  _ me _ . There are things I can’t do - things you might not think about me  _ not  _ being able to do - and there’s inconveniences and bad days. I need you to be sure that you want all of that too.”

 

            “I want all of them,” Kara earnestly replied, “all of the hassles and inconveniences and bad days. Let me take you out to dinner. You can wear something black, and I’ll read the menu out loud to you. I’ll even take you dancing afterwards.”

 

            Lena let out a quiet laugh, her nose gently bumping against Kara’s, “and will you give me a goodnight kiss when you walk me to my door?”

 

            “I might at that,” Kara whispered, feeling bolder as they sat forehead to forehead, the smell of the field of grass and trees and the smell of Lena - her vanilla and freesia perfume - enveloping her in a heady haze of autumn and warmth, and she couldn’t keep the smile off her face. 

 

            “Okay.”


	14. Chapter 14

            They saw each other every day that week, having no other obligations to be doing anything else, but they didn’t do much besides sit in Lena’s kitchen, or sit on her back porch, drinking tea and learning more about each other while they danced around their feelings. Saturday had been the agreed upon night of their date, because even though neither of them had jobs, Kara liked to think of the weekend as a good time to go on a date, but if she was being honest, a part of her reason why she put it off until the end of the week was so that the bruise around her eye would go down. It wasn’t that she was particularly vain, but this was her first date with Lena, and she wanted to look nice, even if Lena couldn’t see her. So when Saturday finally rolled around, Kara was locked in her bedroom, rummaging through her meagre supply of clothes she’d brought with her, trying to decide between the blue dress or the casual suit as she kept glancing at the clock. She was still a little flustered from her conversation with Eliza, having to explain why she wanted to borrow her car on a Saturday night, blushing as she told her adoptive mother she was going on a date, with a woman. Eliza hid her surprise well, and told her to have fun and be safe, and Kara was still a little rosy cheeked from the conversation, her heart beating a little faster than usual as she stood before the mirror, holding the two up against herself. In the end, she decided on the casual black suit with the ruffled white shirt.

 

            At six, she popped her contacts in and slung a little bag over her shoulder, pausing in the living room to say goodbye to Eliza, and then she was sliding into the front seat of the car, a tight ball of nerves growing in her stomach as she started driving towards Lena’s house. It was a cool night, with a frigid wind blowing in from the sea, and Kara took a deep breath as she walked up the pathway leading to the front door. Lena had heard the car pull up and was already opening the door when Kara approached, standing in deep shadow as Kara squinted into the dark, trying to catch a glimpse of her. And then Lena stepped outside, and in the dimness of the early evening, Kara smiled at the sight of Lena in a black dress, foregoing her sunglasses for the evening, and smiling back at Kara as she stepped outside and fumbled for the lock, closing up behind herself.

 

            “Hi,” Kara quietly greeted her, feeling a little shy, despite the feeling of calmness that swept over her at the sight of Lena. It was soothing and comforting and she was right at ease in her presence. “You look … very beautiful.”

 

            Ducking her head down as she brushed her tamed dark hair out of her face, Lena let out a quiet laugh, “thank you. I’m sure you do as well.”

 

            Smiling, Kara reached out for Lena’s arm, her fingers gentle but firm against her elbow, and she started leading her towards the steps, slow and careful so that Lena didn’t trip in the little kitten heels she’d put on for the occasion. Kara couldn’t help but smile at the hints at the effort she’d also clearly gone through for their date. Kara couldn’t stop sneaking peeks at her as they walked towards the car, and she opened the door for Lena and helped her in, before she rounded the car and climbed into her own side, buckling herself in and turning the car on, letting it idle for a few moments. “So, the place we’re going to is about an hour away, but I also made reservations at a different place in town in case you’re not okay with cars.”

 

            “I’m fine with cars … as long as I’m not driving,” Lena said, turning to give Kara a wry smile.

 

            Quietly laughing, Kara shook her head and pulled away from the curb, turning the radio to a classical music station and letting the comforting sound of a piano and violin wash over them as they passed roads lined by pine trees, with clusters of flowers and shrubs illuminated by the yellow headlights as they flew by, mostly in silence, but with the occasional comment of question about each other’s day. Approaching orange rusted train tracks, Kara lifted her feet slightly off the pedals, a faint smile on her lips as she turned to Lena. “Train tracks. Lift your feet,” she told her as the car bumped over them, and Lena’s brow wrinkled in confusion.

 

            “What?”

 

            “You have to lift your feet when you go over train tracks, or it’s bad luck.”

 

            “Hmph. Well that’s a new one.”

 

            “It’s because of a man that used to live in town - well, he was more of a boy, really - and he had a sweetheart. This was back in the forties. Every time they used to drive over these tracks, he’d speed up as fast as her could and then take his feet off the pedals, letting them go flying over them to make his sweetheart laugh. He did it every time - every time except once - and the one time he didn’t, a semi-trailer truck carrying trees towards the old sawmill smashed into the passenger side and killed the man’s sweetheart instantly. Since then it’s kind of become a town superstition that if you don’t lift your feet when you’re crossing train tracks, you’ll lose your sweetheart.”

 

            “Another one of your made up stories?”

 

            Kara laughed as she kept on driving, shaking her head at Lena’s scepticism, and Midvale disappeared behind them within minutes, and they passed through three other towns before Kara slowed on a side street of another, parking alongside a strip of restaurants and climbing out. She helped Lena out of the car and slipped her hand into hers, a familiar habit, but somehow more than just safely helping steer Lena in the right direction that evening, and she spotted the red neon name of the restaurant she’d booked a table for two at -  _ The Dark Room _ . A feeling of excitement filled her as she stared through the dark windows and pulled open the door, ushering Lena into the restaurant and smiling at the host waiting at the podium just inside the door. The foyer was dimly lit by a deep red glow and Kara gave her name to the man, who nodded and slowly rounded the podium, his hand sliding along the polished mahogany of the stand as he moved towards a heavy red velvet curtain. She went down first, their footsteps seeming extremely loud in the pitch black stairwell as they descended down to the basement restaurant beneath the building above. Feeling blind as she kept her hands on the wall, she couldn’t help but wonder if this was how Lena felt all the time, and in the midst of her thoughts, she came to the bottom step and was startled by a waitress waiting to seat them both. The room was pitch black and filled with the sounds of quiet voices and the clinking of glasses and scraping of cutlery on plates, and Kara reached out for Lena’s hand, gently leading her along as she tried to keep up with the waiter. 

 

            Fumbling for the chair, Kara pulled it out and helped Lena into her seat, feeling uncoordinated and clumsy, before she felt along the edge of the table and sat herself down in her own seat. A part of her was already regretting bringing Lena here. They were both silent as the waiter poured them glasses of water and recited the options on the menu for the evening, before giving them a few minutes alone to decide. The smell of freesia and expensive wood mingled with the aroma of the food that was being sent down from the kitchen above them, and the sound of quiet classical music cut through the murmur of other customers dining in the restaurant.

 

            “So, I guess you don’t have to read me the menu now,” Lena said, sounding amused. 

 

            “Right, well, that’s why I picked this place,” Kara said, “it’s a, uh, dark dining place.”

 

            Lena let out a confused laugh, sounding close in the dark and making Kara’s stomach twinge slightly at the low sound.  _ “Dark dining?” _

 

            “It’s a … blind restaurant. I mean, it’s  _ staffed _ by blind people. The room is pitch black to enhance the experience, because you can’t see your food. I thought that, well, because you don’t really like eating out … I thought that maybe eating somewhere that catered for the experience of not being able to see while you ate might make you feel more comfortable.”

 

            A few moments of silence followed, and even in the dark she could almost feel Lena’s intense stare. “So, you can’t see right now?”

 

            “Not a thing. I feel like I didn’t think this through properly, because you look really nice tonight and I can’t really appreciate it in the dark.”

 

            A quiet laugh followed, and Lena’s voice seemed closer in the dark, making Kara envision her leaning across the table, her hand propped up in her chin. “Well the gesture is very sweet. No one’s ever put so much thought into taking me somewhere like this. And at least you know how I feel about not being able to see what you look like.”

 

            “Oh, you know, just got my date clothes on  … sweatpants and a hoodie,” Kara joked.

 

_             “Really?” _

 

            “Of course not!” Kara laughed, “just because you can’t see what I’m wearing, it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t make an effort. It’s a date - our  _ first  _ date - I, uh, want to make a good impression.”

 

            Then she knocked over her glass of water when the waiter silently approached and interrupted them, softly swearing as she shot up out of her seat, patting at the wet patch on the thigh of her pants. Cheeks feeling warm, Kara sat back down on her chair and pulled herself in closer to the table, clearing her throat as she listened to Lena place her order and surreptitiously tried to right her water glass, before she placed her own order and the waiter disappeared back into the dark.

 

            “How’s that impression going?” Lena dryly asked, and Kara let out an embarrassed laugh, pressing her hands to her flushed cheeks.

 

            “Sorry, I’m just a little nervous. I mean … not  _ nervous  _ to be around you, but I just- I want you to … like me.”

 

            “You know, I don’t think you really have to worry about that,” Lena replied, her voice coloured with amusement, “if I didn’t already like you, we wouldn’t be sitting here.”

 

            “Oh … well that’s … comforting,” Kara hesitantly replied, before she burst into laughter and Lena joined in.

 

            It was somewhat a relief to be able to be a blundering clutz around Lena and not feel like she was being an idiot. Even Lena poking fun at her didn’t embarrass her much, it just made her feel warm inside because she knew that Lena wasn’t being mean spirited - it was all in good humour and, if anything, highlighted just how close they had become. Making jokes at each other’s expense was actually comforting. With her worries about messing up the evening quashed by Lena’s assurances that she already liked Kara, they both fell into the easy rhythm of their usual talks, and the first course passed by quickly, with Kara awkwardly maneuvering her knife and fork as she probed the food on her plate, trying to make sense of what she was eating. It was frustrating, to say the least, and she found herself with a newfound appreciation for the seemingly easy way Lena navigated her everyday life, as if being blind was of little inconvenience to her. Their mains came and they were onto the topic of some of Kara’s reports she’d written, and she enthusiastically answered all of Lena’s questions, excited at the fact that she had someone who showed genuine interest in the stories she’d written about. By the time they reached dessert, Kara was almost as engrossed in her chocolate brownie as she was in the story Lena was telling from her days at college, and she made every bite linger so as to prolong their dinner. She in no way wanted it to be the end of their night, but there was something alluring and enthralling about sitting in the dark, just the two of them in their bubble of hushed conversation, but soon enough their meal came to an end, and Kara firmly insisted on paying, despite Lena’s gracious attempts to coerce Kara into letting her pay instead. It had been Kara’s desire to take her on a date though, and Lena caved under her insistence, thanking Kara as she helped her out of her chair. 

 

            They wound their way back through the restaurant and up the narrow staircase, brushing aside the velvet curtain and thanking the host as they slipped out into the night, which had turned colder as darkness had fully set, stars visible here and there behind the wisps of grey clouds. The moon hung large and full and it took Kara a few moments to adjust to the brightness of the dim night, giving Lena’s hand a quick squeeze as she led her down the street, turning right and then making straight for the distant sound of waves drifting towards them. They walked hand in hand down the street, passing bars humming with activity, and neon signs for kebab shops and convenience stores, breathing in the smell of cheap beer and greasy food, which turned to salt and seafood as they neared the bustling pier. A large open drain set into the concrete of the sidewalk lay ahead of them, and Kara skirted around the edge of it, uselessly tugging on Lena’s arm as she walked straight over it, and Kara abruptly stopped, letting out a quick laugh.

 

            “You just walked over a drain.”

 

            “Should I not have?”

 

            “It’s bad luck,” Kara said, and Lena flashed her a quick smile, her eyes crinkling with amusement as she stared blankly ahead. “You have to walk back over it to undo it.”

 

            Turning to face her, Lena arched an eyebrow at Kara, a small smile playing on the corners of her lips. “And if I don’t?”

 

            “Then you have bad luck.”

 

            “What, no moral of the story? No woman who got stuck down a drain and drowned when the town flooded in eighteen seventy-three?”

 

            Laughing, Kara gave Lena’s hand a quick squeeze, pulling her back across the drain and then around it, while Lena rolled her eyes. “Not that I’m aware of,  _ but _ it’s bad luck all the same, and I’d rather not risk it.”

 

            “I never knew you were so superstitious.”

 

            “Well I don’t think I can risk anymore bad luck right now.”

 

            Lena was quiet for a few moments, and they hit the sun bleached wooden planks of the pier, boats of varying sizes and shapes bobbing up and down along the boardwalk, the tall masts of yachts swaying, and the hulls of some of them gently knocking, and Lena involuntarily shivered at the stiff wind that swept in with the next rolling wave, and Kara looked down at her in surprise at the sudden shudder, staring at the goosebumps that rippled up and down her arms and the way that Lena crossed her free arm over her chest. Letting go of her hand, Kara quickly shed her blazer and reached for Lena’s hand again, gently guiding it into the sleeve of the jacket. “Here, wear this.”

 

            Trying to pull her arm back, Lena protested, but Kara gallantly persisted, maintaining that she wasn’t cold, feeling content with her ruffled shirt as the gentle breeze ruffled her soft curls. The boardwalk was bustling with the nightlife of the town, and laughter, snatches of loud conversation and blaring music tumbled out through open windows of doors that were roughly pulled open as more customers entered. It was well lit, illuminating the pastel coloured shops, with the peeling paint and flyers and posters pasted on top of each other, advertising karaoke night, fishing bait and happy hour at six, and Kara watched as late night fishermen unloaded their catch of the day off the back of a fishing boat. They walked right to the very end of the pier, where the wooden planks gave way to a sandy beach, the sound fading behind them as they walked in peace, and it wasn’t until they were around the next bend in the coast, out of sight of the lights of the shops and bars, sitting just out of reach of the water that rippled over the sand, that Lena spoke.

 

            “I was thinking, and … I feel bad for getting you fired.”

 

            “You shouldn’t. I’d rather be unemployed than let those girls get away with being cruel towards you.”

 

            “I know,” Lena quietly murmured, “but I know how hard it is to get a job in such a small town. I was thinking that maybe you’d consider … well, being my housekeeper. I’d pay you well, of course-”

 

            Blinking in surprise, Kara looked down at her with curious wide eyes,  _ “housekeeper?” _

 

            A wry smile on her lips as she grabbed fistfuls of sand and let the tiny grains slither through her fingers, back down onto the beach, Lena shrugged slightly. “Sam might’ve brought it to my attention that the salt is making my house look rather worn. Plus there’s the garden. And a few odd leaks and creaky hinges and the like.”

 

            “Lena, I don’t want your  _ money _ . I’ll do it anyway! Of  _ course _ I’ll help out around your house - with anything you need help with - you know you only have to ask.”

 

            “No,” Lena firmly said, her mouth set in a thin line, “I can’t let you just do it for nothing.”

 

            “Alright, how about I fix things up for you, and you can play me songs you’ve written.”

 

_             “Kara.” _

 

_             “Lena.” _

 

            “You need a job! I’m offering you a job.”

 

            Wrapping an arm around Lena’s shoulders, Kara let out a quiet laugh, “and I’m very grateful, but we’re … I don’t know, friends doesn’t seem like the right word - but friends help out other friends out of the goodness of their heart - not for payment.”

 

            Letting out a heavy sigh, Lena gave her an exasperated look, and Kara gave her a dimpled smile in return, biting back a smile as she watched the cool breeze ruffle Lena’s dark hair. She itched to reach out and brush it back, and she almost considered sitting on her hand to stop herself, but then she figured that if Lena knew how she felt already, surely it wouldn’t be overstepping. So she let her fingertips gently caress the side of Lena’s face, tucking a lock of raven hair behind her ear for her. “Friends,” Lena quietly said, sounding amused, incredibly close to Kara as they huddled on the beach in the dark, “lend each other books and get coffee, they don’t … do jobs that haven’t been done in almost two  _ years _ .”

 

            “Well we just went on a date, and people who are dating  _ do _ do those jobs. I mean, assuming this wasn’t a one time thing, because I had fun, and I’d like there to be a second date, and you know, a third. A lot of dates. Not that I wouldn’t oil you door hinges for you and fix that shutter that keeps driving me mad whenever I come over even if it was a one time thing - like I said, you don’t do things to get a reward out of it - but I just-”

 

            “Take a deep breath,” Lena interrupted her, shaking with silent laughter as she leant into Kara, “there’s going to be a second, and yes, I’d like a third date, and more, but only on two conditions.”

 

            Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kara gave Lena a wary look, “oh?”

 

            Leaning in close, Lena gave her an amused smile, “you promised me a dance … and a goodnight kiss.”

 

            A laugh of surprise escaped Kara and her eyes crinkled at the corner as she gave Lena a look of wonder, trying to wonder how she’d stumbled upon such a contradictive woman, who was so cynical and dry at times, yet so forthcoming and warm, and Kara quickly climbed to her feet, leaning down to reach for Lena’s hands and pull her to her feet as well, taking in the slightly too long cuffs of the blazer and the prominent collarbones peeking out above the neck of her dress. Moonlight washed over her face, bathing her skin a milky white and leaching all colour from her, turning her into a picture perfect black and white vision of beauty, and Kara looked back the way they’d come, a dubious look on her face as she tried to think about where they could go to dance at this hour, in this town. Somehow, she didn’t envision them in a packed club, surrounded by sweaty drunks and grinding couples, and she was unsure of where to go, until she felt Lena’s hand on her shoulder, the warm touch sending a searing heat through the thin shirt Kara was wearing, and she looked down at her in surprise as Lena adjusted her grip in Kara’s hand, assuming the traditional woman’s pose. 

 

            “Here?” Kara asked, her eyebrows rising slightly. 

 

            “Why not?”

 

            “There’s no music.”

 

            Kara had to suppress a shiver as Lena grabbed her free hand and laid it on her waist, leaning in close so that they were almost cheek to cheek and her warm breath blew across Kara’s neck, sending goosebumps rippling across her skin and the twinge in her stomach again at the sound of her quiet laugh and the conspiratorial sound of her voice as she whispered. “That’s because you’re not listening close enough.”

 

            They were standing on the hard packed sand, and as Lena brought them about in a small square, their tiny footsteps left marks in the damp sand, and it was a few moments of quietness, with nothing but the gentle caress of the whispering wind across their skin and the hushed sound of the waves cascading over the sand, before Kara realised that she was listening to the wind and the sea as she led them in a fumbling dance. With a small laugh of astonishment, Kara looked at her with a bewildered expression on her face and took the lead, her eyes trained on Lena’s face as she listened to the music with Lena’s ears, stumbling over the irregular rhythm as they tore up the sand in a small square of the beach. And then Lena was resting her chin on Kara’s shoulder, and Kara’s eyes drifted closed, and they swayed on the spot as the wind ran its invisible fingers through their hair and tugged at their clothes, and Kara steeled herself for a moment, drawing in a slow, deep breath as she turned her head to the side, her cheek warm against Lena’s. Then her lips were barely grazing her cheek, and Lena seemed to freeze for a moment, before her head turned slightly towards Kara’s, and a nervous fluttering consumed her stomach as the anticipation of Lena’s lips meeting her own grew.

 

            And then a slightly larger wave than the rest swept in, water rushing up the sand towards them and running over their feet just as their lips were an inch apart, both of them jerking backwards and letting out sounds of protest at the feeling of freezing cold water in their shoes. They both started laughing a moment later, and then they were sighing as they trudged back up the beach, the dry sand clinging to their wet feet as they made for the hazy lights in the distance. Slowly walking back along the pier, passing by the bars and restaurants again, listening to the faint sound of soothing music coming from a crowded dimly lit bar, they made the moment last as long as they could, and Lena laughed whenever Kara led them around a drain, and on the car ride back to Midvale, she laughed when Kara made her lift her feet going over the train tracks, the sound of soft jazz music playing on one of the CDs Eliza kept in the car, and Kara sang along with the few that she knew, the trees that lined the road turning into a black wall that flashed by quickly. All too soon, she was parked outside Lena’s house, and then she was standing on the porch, watching Lena unlock the front door, and she stared down at the chicken doormat, feeling her stomach twist with nerves as she watched Lena turn around to face her. Kara was going to kiss her and they both knew it.

 

            “Coffee and oranges,” Lena blurted out when Kara took a step towards her, only a little bit taller than her with Lena wearing her tiny heels. Letting out a confused laugh, Kara’s brow wrinkled as she gave Lena a bewildered look, and Lena ducked her head down, letting out an embarrassed laugh, before she looked up and gave Kara a sheepish smile. “So … that wasn’t what I was  _ meant _ to say, but, um, you used to smell like coffee and oranges from work. You don’t anymore. It’s strange - I was starting to think of it as being  _ you _ .”

 

            “Oh.”

 

            “It’s lavender now though, and pine and salt, and I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but I’m just nervous. But I like it; it reminds me of the outdoors. Anyway … so, I, uh, I was going to tell you that I wrote a song. A song for you.”

 

            Looking amused at Lena’s uncharacteristically nervous rambling, Kara’s blue eyes widened slightly, “you wrote a song for _me?”_

 

            “Yes. Would you like to listen to it?”

 

            “Of course.”

 

            And then they were squeezed onto the bench, side by side, and Kara felt a tightness in her chest as she waited for the music to fill the room, and she felt the sudden tension fade as she exhaled forcefully, the air stolen from her lungs as she watched Lena’s fingers burst into a flurry of movement. She couldn’t help it when her eyes filled with tears because she was listening to the music and for the first time, Kara really felt what it was like to have someone care about her so much that they’d  _ made _ something for her. Lena cared about her so much that she'd poured her feelings into her music, and Kara felt a lump rise in her throat, because no one had ever made her feel like she was worthy of having music written about her or made her feel as special as she felt in that moment. It was a beautiful, lighthearted melody, and she couldn’t keep the smile off her face as she listened to it, the ache in her chest growing as it progressed. Her eyes drifted from the slender, capable fingers, up to Lena’s intensely focused face, a serious look in her unfocused green eyes and her dark brows pulled down low over them. 

 

            The moment the last lingering note vanished and Lena turned to look to Kara for her reaction, she was met with warm, soft lips pressing against hers, and Kara took them both surprise as she tenderly cupped Lena’s face in her hands, her fingertips delicately tilting Lena’s face towards her as she kissed her sweetly. When she finally pulled back, their foreheads gently touching as she cupped Lena’s face in her hands, Lena reached up and gently ran her fingers along the side of Kara’s face, and then over her cheeks, and she sucked in a quiet, shaky breath of surprise at the tears on Kara’s cheeks. “You’re crying.”

 

            “You’re breathtaking.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song is called soffia la notte if anyone would like to listen to it


	15. Chapter 15

_             “Wait, you  _ kissed  _ her?” _

 

            “Uh huh,” Kara smiled, biting her lip as she stared down at the bouquet of pink peonies, holding the card in her hand. She’d read it and reread it a dozen times since Eliza had walked in with it, a knowing smile on her face as she set the flowers down on the table, watching her daughter’s face light up. 

 

**_Storyteller, thank you for a breathtaking night. It’s one I’ll remember for a long time. See you soon, Music Girl._ **

 

_             “So, how was it?”  _ Alex asked.

 

            Laughing, Kara felt her cheeks turn red, and she reached out to trace a fingertip along the curve petal of a flower. “It was … good.”

 

_             “Good?” _

 

            “Better than good,” Kara hesitantly replied, “it felt  _ right _ . I wasn’t nervous either! I just- we were sitting there and she played me this song she wrote for me, and oh, Alex, it was so  _ beautiful _ , and I couldn’t help myself. There weren’t fireworks or any of that movie crap, it was just …  _ perfect _ . Like, I could be kissed like that every day and everything would feel that it was exactly how it was supposed to be.”

 

            Her sister laughed on the other end of the phone, and Kara felt her cheeks turn redder at the fact that she’d rambled and revealed too much, but it didn’t stop the fluttering feeling in her stomach.  _ “Huh.” _

 

            “Huh what?” Kara sighed, waiting for her sister’s opinion.

 

_             “Nothing. I just- you didn’t  _ know  _ you liked her? This is on par with how I was with Maggie! God, we really are messes. I’m happy for you though; she’s nice. Sam said that she’s been trying to get Lena to go out and meet someone for a while.” _

 

_             “Sam?” _ Kara blinked in surprise, “I didn’t realise you were both so chatty on the car ride home.”

 

            There was a slight pause, and Alex let out a nervous laugh,  _ “ah, right, well this was actually last night … over drinks.” _

 

            “Drinks?”

 

_             “Yes, Kara, drinks. Are you going to repeat everything I keep saying,”  _ Alex exasperatedly replied, sounding a little flustered, much to Kara’s amusement.

 

            “Huh.”

 

_             “No! No  _ huh!  _ It was just a few drinks.” _

 

            Kara laughed as Alex tried to protest, insisting that it had only been a couple of drinks at a bar while Ruby was at a sleepover, but Kara could hear it in her sister’s voice. This was how it had started with Maggie. And then Kara realised that she’d never had that before. The giddy feelings about Lena were something she’d never experienced in any of her other relationships, and  _ definitely  _ not with Mike. Then, with a start, Kara remembered Mike. She hadn’t thought about him in so long that it was shocking to think that she’d been in a relationship with someone else just a few months ago. Right now, she couldn’t imagine having not met Lena.

 

            “Mhm.”

 

_             “Whatever. I’m going now.” _

 

            Smiling, Kara glanced at the kitchen clock and sighed slightly, “okay, I’ll drop it. But just so you know, she’s very pretty.”

 

_             “I’m not blind, Kara. I know she’s pretty. And speaking of blind, do you know who else is pretty? Lena. Now go and confess your love to her and stop making mountains out of molehills.” _

 

            “Just a little mountain?” Kara joked and Alex let out a dramatic sigh, her voice coloured with amusement when she replied.

 

_             “We’ll see.” _

 

            They said goodbye after that and Kara decided that maybe she  _ would _ go and see Lena. Not to confess her love, as Alex had so nicely put it, but to see her for the sake of seeing her, and to thank her for the flowers. The kitchen was filled with the sweet floral smell of the blossoms, and Kara couldn’t help but feel delighted at the kind gesture. Lena had enjoyed their date. Then there had been the kiss, and while they had both been a little shy and flustered saying goodnight, Kara wasn’t really sure what to make of it. She knew  _ she’d  _ enjoyed it, but a part of her was nervous that outside of the giddy bubble of their first date and kiss, things might be a little different. Perhaps they’d been too brave after a good evening, but it had been too presumptuous for Lena. Or perhaps she’d enjoyed it just as much. Surely she wasn’t being  _ too _ eager, going to see Lena the next morning.

 

            Donning a thin parka, Kara decided to take the beach way rather than riding her bike, hoping the bracing air would help clear her head of her doubts and steady the fluttering in her stomach. Stumbling down to the beach, she walked on the dry sand, which hissed as she kicked up a flurry of grains with each step, following the curve of the coastline as she took her time. The briny smell of the sea surrounded her, and Kara breathed it in deeply, feeling herself relax as she basked in the weak sunlight, her hands buried in her pockets as she watched seagulls crowd on a craggy rock jutting up out of the steely waves a few metres offshore. It was a mild day, with a slight bite to the wind blowing in and a few clouds drifting across the pale sky. She enjoyed the feeling of the wind dragging its invisible fingers through her hair, and the loud crashing of the waves on the shore, and she no longer heard it the same. Every noise was music to her now, and she could almost envision the way that Lena would play it out on her piano.

 

            It wasn’t too long later when she saw the towering trees on the fringes of the beach and began trampling dewy grass and scraggly shrubs struggling through the pale sand, before it gave way to damp earth and bracken, the smell of rotting wood and planets filling her nose. Weaselling her way through the tree trunks, Kara stumbled upon Lena’s backyard, making a mental note to go digging through the garage and see what gardening equipment Eliza owned as she stared at the tall, waving grass. Parting the sea of green with her hands, she waded towards the back porch and climbed up the steps, clutching the book she’d brought to her chest. Raising a hand, she hesitated slightly before knocking, wondering if perhaps Lena was still sleeping. It was only a few moments before she heard quiet footsteps moving towards her though, and Kara felt her stomach clench slightly with anticipation. And then the door swung open and Lena was looking straight past her with a small smile of amusement curling her lips.

 

            “I was wondering how long it’d take you to call or come around,” she said by way of greeting.

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh, Kara brushed her hair out of her face, “how did you know it was me?”

 

            Arching an eyebrow slightly, Lena’s eyes sparkled with amusement as her eyes drifted towards where Kara’s voice had come from, searching for her. “No one knocks on my door at the best of times, let alone my back door. Are you coming in?”

 

            Feeling a little jittery, Kara shook her head, “I was actually thinking that maybe we could go for a walk. It’s not too cold, but you’ll need a jacket.”

 

            “I’ll be back in a second.”

 

            Sitting down on the porch steps, Kara stared out at the trees, the sky a few shades above white, and heard the sounds of rustling clothes and heavy boots behind her, standing and turning as Lena approached. Once Lena had finished locking up, there was a brief moment where they both stood facing each other, and Kara wasn’t sure if she should’ve kissed her good morning or not, but then Lena was walking down the steps, her hand running along the peeling wooden bannister. Quickly following after her, Kara reached out for her hand, her hand sliding down Lena’s forearm until their finger laced together and she held on tightly, smiling slightly as she looked down at Lena. Her eyes were hidden by her dark sunglasses and she was moving confidently at Kara’s guidance, silently following her lead as they cut through the thin stretch of trees and through the sandy path cutting through the sparse grass and shrubs on the sand dunes. The wind hit them when they reached the beach, and the sound of the water crashing on the shore was all they could hear for a few moments as they headed south, following the curve of the beach. 

 

            “Thank you for the flowers,” Kara blurted out, breaking the comfortable silence as she looked down at Lena.

 

            “You’re welcome. Thank you for last night,” Lena quietly replied.

 

            They carried on along the beach, bypassing the town, right until they reached the end of it, where the sand sloped upwards towards the row of cliffs, and gave way to the craggy rocks and little caves carved into the side of the grey rock. They struggled up the hilly sand dunes, their feet sinking in the dry sand like it was quicksand, and they laughed as Kara half dragged Lena up it, feeling a little out of breath when they reached the top. Hugging the tree line, they followed the cliffs until a large expanse of rock jutted forward and slopes upwards slightly. A small smile played on Lena’s lips as they walked over the rough terrain, knowing exactly where they were. She came here often, and she’d met Kara here, and when Kara led them to a safe distance at the edge of the cliff, Lena spread her arms and inhaled deeply, looking carefree.

 

            Tugging on her sleeve, Kara pulled Lena down to sit beside her, staring out at the choppy waves, and held the book in her lap. Turning to look back at Lena, who had her head tilted to the side and a peaceful look on her face, making Kara feel sure that she had her eyes closed and was listening to the sound of the music made by the wind and the sea. 

 

            “Music girl,” Kara softly interrupted her, unable to hold her tongue any longer. She was always someone to speak her mind and be open and trusting, which admittedly wasn’t always the best thing to do, but she knew she couldn’t be anything but honest with Lena.

 

            “Mm?” Lena murmured, “something bothering you, storyteller?”

 

            Clearing her throat slightly, Kara let out a quick laugh, “yes, actually. See, I was talking to Alex, and she was talking about Sam.”

 

_             “Sam?  _ My Sam?”

 

            “Mhm. Well, see, they had some drinks last night, and, you know, it sounded like they had a good time. Almost like … a date.”

 

            Lena’s eyebrows rose slightly, “huh. Well, if you’re worried that it might change things between us if our sister and friend start dating, I promise it won’t be a problem.”

 

            Shifting slightly as she looked out at the sea, Kara bit her lip, trying to find the words to explain what she was feeling. “It’s not that. I’d be  _ thrilled  _ if she was able to move past this whole break up and be happy. It’s just … Alex has never really been that good at hiding her feelings, so I knew that she liked Maggie when she would excitedly ramble, and she’s already starting to do that with Sam, so I know she’s at least starting to get a crush on her. But … well, I was in a relationship for a bit longer than Alex was with her ex, and they got  _ engaged _ in that time, and I was talking to Alex and I couldn’t help but think that … I’ve never felt that before. I’ve never had that giddy feeling - not even  _ once _ with the person that I’d been dating for months - but I was telling her about our date, rambling, actually, and I thought about how I’d never felt like that, not until I met you, and then in hit me that I’d never felt like that about Mike. I haven’t even thought about him in  _ weeks _ , and I just- it was surprising to realise that I’d completely forgotten about him so quickly, because I’ve never had  _ this.  _ And you know I’ve always been honest with you, so I wanted to tell you that, but I also wanted to tell you that I’m scared. It’s  _ way _ too soon to feel this strongly, but I just- I  _ do _ , and I never have before and I don’t know what happens next.”

 

            She exhaled sharply, feeling the weight of her words settle over them as she stared at Lena, her teeth worrying at her bottom lip as she watched Lena’s lips twitch slightly. “Well, I have to admit, I’m a little relieved that this isn’t new just for me,” Lena quietly laughed, her knees drawn up to her chest as she faced Kara. “I think … it’s okay to be scared. And it’s okay to have feelings; it’s just a crush.”

 

            Letting out a laugh of surprise at Lena’s soothing tone and pragmatic opinion, Kara smiled softly at her, reaching out to gently touch the back of her hand. Returning the smile, Lena fumbled for Kara’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze, her hand surprisingly warm. Holding it carefully in her hand, Kara took in the perfect nails and slender fingers, the thin knuckles and the slightly rough fingertips from countless hours spent doing nothing but playing the piano. Faint green veins spiderwebbed the back of her pale hand, the skin almost translucent in the weak sunlight, and Kara ran her thumb over the back of her knuckles. A warm hand cupped her cheek, and Kara looked up, a mild look of surprise in her ocean eyes as she stared at Lena, taking in the curve of her bowstring lips and the shadowy hollows beneath her prominent cheekbones. She was startlingly beautiful, and Kara wanted to raise her sunglasses and look at her eyes, doing so a moment later when she asked Lena. Her eyes crinkled slightly at the corners, green and unfocused but so intense that Kara felt like Lena was seeing right through her, and Kara couldn’t stop the lurching in her stomach at the sight.

 

            “For the record,  _ I’m _ not scared of the future,” Lena admitted, and Kara’s expression softened slightly.

 

            “You  _ did _ say you weren’t afraid of much anymore.”

 

            “Mm, well I meant it,” she muttered, her dark eyebrows drawing together as she frowned slightly, “but … was it- did the kiss … frighten you? Was it too much too soon?”

 

            Letting out a choked up laugh, Kara’s eyes crinkled at the corners and she nudged her glasses back up her nose, feeling her cheeks warm at the mention of it. “No. No, it didn’t - it wasn’t. Actually … it felt very right.”

 

            An almost smug look crossed Lena’s face and Kara wanted to kiss her again, just like she had that morning, but her worry about how fast everything was moving held her back. She cared about Lena and knew there was a lot more riding on this than just a failed relationship. Things hadn’t been going well for both of them, but having each other in their lives was the sunny patch in an otherwise dreary struggle with their own problems. They didn’t have to rush though, and Kara felt the knot of tension in her stomach unwind as she sagged slightly with relief, giving Lena’s hand another quick squeeze.

 

            “I brought you a gift,” Kara said a moment later, “a thank you for the flowers.”

 

            “So you brought me a thank you gift in return for the thank you gift I sent you as a thank you for last night?” Lena asked, arching an eyebrow as she smirked slightly, her cheek dimpling, almost as if she knew that she was getting Kara all flustered.

 

            Rolling her eyes, Kara drew her hand back from Lena’s and ran her fingers across the black cover of the book, staring down at the yellow bird on the cover. “Don’t worry, it’s not  _ too _ exciting, and not so much a gift. It’s a book. I thought perhaps I could read it to you.”

 

            “Running out of stories already?”

 

            “Of course not.”

 

            Kara scoffed, making Lena laugh, and she opened the book to the first page, staring down at the black printed words on the creamy pages, wondering if her own words would ever be like this. She could envision a whole book written about Lena, filled with all of her nuances and quirks, and Kara’s mind flashed to the story she was trying to write. When Lena warily asked her which book it was, Kara smiled, looking proud of herself.

 

            “The Hunger Games. You said you’ve never read it because you’re still trying to listen to audiobooks from years ago. Well, I’m going to read it to you - if you’d like.”

 

            Letting out a delighted laugh, a genuine smile spread across Lena’s face and she eagerly nodded. And so, Kara started to read, her voice low and steady as she recited the words on the pages before her, the sound of the waves a constant companion to the gentle sound of pages being turned, and at some point during this, Lena ended up flat on her back, her sunglasses hiding her closed eyes as she listened to Kara’s soothing voice. Time passed quicker than either of them were aware of, and they skipped lunch, too caught up in the story and the sea and the wind that buffeted them at the edge of the cliff, and it wasn’t until late in the afternoon that they moved. The sun was sinking low on the horizon, turning the sky a pale salmon colour and the clouds a peachy orange, and a violent shiver ran through Lena, caught by Kara’s watchful eyes. With a quick laugh, she marked the page and snapped the book shut, climbing to her feet and reaching down to pull Lena to her feet.

 

            “Come on, music girl, it’s getting cold. Time to go home.”

 

            With a soft sigh, Lena let herself get pulled to her feet, offering no protest as Kara began to traverse the journey they’d taken there, both of them tired as they slowly plodded along, mindful of each step so Lena didn’t fall. They wind grabbed at their clothes as they walked along the beach, struggling through dry sand and breathing in the strong salty smell, and Kara kept a tight grip on Lena’s hand, occasionally rubbing soothing circles onto the back of it or giving it a quick squeeze, and each time Lena would peek up at her, her eyebrows raised imperceptibly, as if she was surprised at the affectionate gesture each time. By the time they made it back to Lena’s house, they were both shivering, and Kara took Lena’s keys off her and smoothly unlocked the door, ushering her into the house and following in after her.

 

            Lena put the kettle on while Kara found the light switch, but not before she found the leg of the table and stubbed her toe, muttering a curse, and flooded the dark kitchen with yellow light. She leant against the kitchen counters, staring at Lena’s back as she watched her hands move through the motions of making them both tea in the fine rose patterned china teacups. She held one out to Kara, who crossed over to take it, letting their fingers graze slightly, and then followed after Lena when she walked down the hallway. In the second living room, with its wood panelled walls and comfortable, deep leather seats and large fireplace, Lena made for the window seat, her limbs folding in on herself as she got into a comfortable cross-legged position, leaving space for Kara. Climbing onto the padded seat, Kara drew her knees up to her chest, leaning against the white panelled wall and looking out the window as she balanced her cup of tea in her lap, watching as the grass rippled from the breeze.

 

            “Hey, what’re you doing tomorrow?” she suddenly asked Lena, turning to look at her with an expectant look on her face.

 

            Smiling slightly, Lena turned away from the window, where she’d been seemingly watching the trees sway slightly. “Oh, you haven’t heard? I’ve got this  _ raging _ social life now. I’m a busy girl.”

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Kara nudged her foot with her own, giving Lena a small smile, “so do I need to make an appointment now or …”

 

            “What’re  _ we  _ doing tomorrow?” Lena asked, raising her eyebrows expectantly.

 

_             “I’m  _ coming over and tackling that big field you’ve got for a garden. You can watch … well, not  _ watch _ , but … I don’t know, keep me company and do whatever it is you have planned.”

 

            Pursing her lips slightly, Lena gave her a thoughtful look, her green eyes sparkling slightly, and Kara took a sip of the deep purple tea, the taste of forest fruits bursting in her mouth, rich and sweet as she waited for Lena’s reply. Lips curling up at the corners, Lena leant forward, and Kara froze, blinking slowly as she watched Lena narrow her eyes slightly, giving her a wary look.

 

            “Okay,  _ but  _ you have to let me pay you.” At the small sound of protest that escaped Kara, Lena let out an exasperated sigh, giving her a stern look. “Come on, Kara, you’ve made me walk through my garden. I know I should’ve had someone come and take care of it a long time ago, and it’s going to take you days to sort out it, and I can’t let you do it for free.”

 

            “Fine,” Kara relented, a smile playing on her lips, “as payment, you can have dinner with me and play me some music.”

 

_             “Kara.” _

 

_             “Lena.” _

 

            They both laughed then, echoing their conversation from the night before, and Lena gave her a bewildered look, shaking her head slightly as she looked at Kara’s chin. Reaching out to tuck a strand of her safely behind Lena’s ear, Kara let her fingertips brush the side of her face before she drew her hand back and took a sip of tea. Lena gave her a piercing stare and climbed to her feet, setting her teacup down on the cushioned window seat and ordering Kara to stay where she was, disappearing for a while, with Kara counting the seconds by staring out at the sky and watching the stars. It was a peaceful night, punctuated with the sounds of Lena opening and closing drawers upstairs with muffled bangs, followed by her returning footsteps. Walking into the room with a proud look on her face, she brandished a white rectangle of paper and promptly banged her leg on the corner of the corner of an end table, swearing through clenched teeth. Setting her teacup and saucer down, Kara walked over to her and led her back over to the window seat, her hand gently covering the place where Lena had banged her leg, running a gentle thumb over the spot as she knelt in front of her, giving her a grim smile.

 

            “You okay?”

 

            Waving aside Kara’s concerns, Lena gave the back of the hand on her thigh a quick reassuring pat and held the piece of paper out to Kara, who took it with her free hand, frowning as she stared down at it. It was a cheque, made out to Kara for a large sum of money - more than it could possibly cost for a gardener - with Lena’s loopy signature scrawled along the dotted line. “No.”

 

            “Just … hang on a second,” Lena said, “you don’t have to cash it if you don’t want to, but if you ever need to … if there comes a time when you and I- well, consider it a payslip with no expiration date. Just in case.”

 

            “If I say I’ll take it, will you stop trying to pay me?”

 

            Lips twitching as if she was trying not to smile, Lena shrugged, “I mean, I think it’s only fair that I get to pay for our second date.”

 

            “Second? That’s a bit presumptuous,” Kara smiled, feeling her heart leap and her cheeks turn rosy.

 

            Leaning down slightly, her dark hair tickling Kara’s cheek, Lena couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face, “I thought we both agreed last night that there would be a second one, on two conditions.”

 

            Letting out a bashful laugh, Kara stood up from her crouch and picked her tea back up, sitting down beside Lena and letting their knees knock against each other as she stared at her. “Well, it wasn’t a goodnight kiss, but I think it counts.”

 

            They were silent for a few moments and Kara tucked the cheque into her pocket, knowing that she’d never cash it, and stared at Lena with a tender look on her face. And then Lena abruptly turned to look at her, a burning intensity in her eyes that startled Kara slightly, making her think she’d been caught staring. Lena always seemed to have an uncanny ability to sense when Kara was watching her, as if she could feel her eyes on her, and she tilted her head to the side, frowning slightly as she looked up at Kara.

 

            “Can I ask you something?”

 

            “Of course,” Kara blinked in surprise.

 

            Biting her lip, Lena looked down at her hands, fiddling slightly as she worried over her words, and Kara was surprised to see her look so hesitant. Usually she was so forthcoming that it was almost confronting, although it was rather refreshing to Kara, who had been dating someone who’d shown no interest in her and hadn’t cared to be so upfront with his feelings, and resorted to cheating instead. At least this way she always knew what Lena was thinking or feeling, and didn’t have to worry that they weren’t on the same page. It was remarkable how smoothly things ran when people were honest, even when the honesty made for uncomfortable flustering. And then she climbed to her feet.

 

            “Nevermind, it’s getting late,” Lena hastily changed the topic, and Kara slowly rose, picking up Lena’s cup too and following her out of the room, wondering what was bothering Lena. 

 

            She dropped it though, nudging the light switch with her elbow as she juggled the cups, which rattled on their saucers, and plunged herself into darkness. Taking painfully slow steps down the hallway, she walked into the brightly lit kitchen and deposited the cups into the sink, and then she turned and walked over to the back door, opening it and letting the cold air in while she hovered in the doorway. Turning to look at Lena, she opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by the look on Lena’s face.

 

            Drawing in a deep breath, Lena paused for a moment. “Why didn’t you kiss me this morning?”

 

            Eyes widening at the unexpected question, Kara found herself floundering a little as she tried to find the words to explain why. She’d wanted to - of  _ course  _ she’d wanted to - but she didn’t know if Lena had wanted to. And if Lena  _ didn’t _ want to, then would she have been able to tell her that she cared about her so deeply, without feeling even more nervous than she’d already been? It was a few moments of silence, with Kara opening and closing her mouth as she struggled to find the words, and then she let out an exasperated sigh. At this point, it didn’t matter if she sounded foolish in front of Lena, because she’d already told her things she hadn’t meant to, so why stop now?

 

            “I’ll be honest, I wanted to kiss you, but then I was worried you’d think I was being too forward - especially with what I wanted to talk to you about - and you might slam on the breaks before we even started.”

 

            “I don’t frighten easily, you know,” Lena softly murmured, a kind look in her eyes as she stared at Kara, “you’re allowed to have your own feelings, Kara. And I’m allowed mine too. They don’t have to be the same yet, we’re allowed to take time to figure out what we want from this. But just so you know … if you’d kissed me, I would’ve kissed you back.”

 

            Kara let out a surprised laugh, feeling her face flush red, and she took a step closer to Lena, reaching out and pulling her close by her waist, wrapping her into her warm embrace. Closing her eyes, Kara smiled slightly as she felt Lena’s arms wrap around her, and she couldn’t help but think about how nice it was to hold someone in her arms for once, and how perfectly Lena fit with her chin on Kara’s shoulder. Giving her a quick squeeze, Kara drew back and cupped Lena’s face in her hands.

 

            “Would it- could I … kiss you now?” she hesitantly asked, watching Lena’s lips curl up into a smile. And then Lena pushed herself up onto her tiptoes and gave her a gentle kiss, her lips soft and warm against Kara’s, who had frozen slightly at the surprise feeling of Lena kissing her. Eyes fluttering closed, Kara melted into the kiss, tangling her fingers in Lena’s dark hair and tilting her head up. 

 

            When she pulled back a moment later, pressing her lips together as she glowed with happiness, Kara gently cleared her throat fiddling with the plastic frames on her face as she looked down at her feet. As if she could sense Kara’s discomposure, Lena let out a quiet laugh, reaching out to press her fingertips against Kara’s jacket, just below her shoulder, her eyes sparkling with mirth, and then she reached up and cupped her cheek, steadying Kara as she stepped in close and leant up to press a quick kiss on the other cheek. “See? Nothing frightening here,” Lena whispered in her ear, making Kara shiver slightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

 

            In a daze, Kara turned around and stumbled down the porch steps, still looking wide eyed and blinking in a rather owlish way. The faint smell of the sea blew through the trees, and the smell of flowers and dry grass surrounded the house, the darkness of the night making everything seem so much more magical as she descended the steps, her heart still thudding in her chest from the kiss. And then she tripped on the last step and tumbled straight into the waist high grass with a small yelp and a muted thud, groaning as she pushed herself up, the grass rustling around her.

 

            “Are you okay, storyteller?” Lena called from behind her, and Kara quickly dusted the dirt from the knees of her jeans, swearing under her breath.

 

            “Brilliant,” she assured her, a dreamy look on her face as she turned around and stared at the dark figure silhouetted against the yellow rectangle of light seeping out through the open door, “goodnight, music girl.”


	16. Chapter 16

            The sun was still struggling to rise when Kara woke, the faint light from outside seeping in through the windows as she quickly made her bed. Choosing a pair of faded denim overalls and a white t-shirt, she made her way to the bathroom, stretching and yawning as she listened to the clattering sound of Eliza making breakfast in the kitchen. The water was cold and she let out a small yelp as goosebumps rippled across her skin, tearing her out of the last vestiges of sleep. As soon as the water was steaming, she climbed into the shower and scrubbed herself with lavender soap, splaing water on her face and rinsing the soap suds off before climbing out. Her hair curled where it was damp and her glasses fogged up when she shoved them back on her face, quickly changing into her clothes as the frigid air in the tiled bathroom made her shiver.

 

            Her footsteps were loud on the staircase, the wooden steps creaking slightly, and she smiled brightly at Eliza when she walked into the kitchen. “Good morning!”

 

            “You’re up early,” her mom noted, her eyebrows rising slightly as she gave Kara a small smile, “there’s fresh coffee in the pot.”

 

            Putting some bread in the toaster, Kara grabbed a clean mug and poured herself some of the dark, bitter coffee, hopping up onto the counter and smiling as she took a sip. “Can I borrow the car today?”

 

            “Sure, honey. I’ve got to be at work by seven,” Eliza told her, “got plans for today?”

 

            “Mhm. I’m doing some gardening.”

 

_“Gardening?”_

 

            “Lena’s garden.”

 

 _“Oh._ Well, I guess she won’t have a lawnmower, but ours is somewhere in the garage. I think I’ve got some shears and gloves in a box somewhere too.”

 

            Smiling, Kara slid off the counter as the golden brown toast jumped up and she spread butter and thick strawberry jam onto the bread, carrying her plate and coffee over to the table and taking a seat across from Eliza. “Thanks.”

 

            She ate in silence, watching her mother drink her coffee as she read a medical journal, and Kara felt comfortable. It was a peaceful morning, the sky a steely blue with wisps of clouds trailing across the horizon, and the gentle ebbing and flowing of the early morning tide drifted in through the open window above the sink. It seemed like it would be a good day for gardening. A feeling of excitement flickered within her, both for seeing Lena, and for fixing something that she had control of. Kara liked a challenge with a foreseeable outcome, and tending to Lena’s garden would be rewarding on two fronts - both as a physical reward when it looked presentable, and as a favour to Lena.

 

            “So, you’ve been seeing a lot of Lena,” Eliza hesitantly started as Kara dusted the crumbs from her fingertips, freezing slightly at the interest in her adoptive mother’s tone. “I take it that things are going well?”

 

            Blushing slightly, Kara bit back a smile, “it’s early days, but … so far.”

 

            Giving her a soft look, Eliza climbed to her feet, putting her empty coffee cup into the sink and giving Kara’s shoulder a gentle squeeze as she stopped behind her chair. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you this happy,” she said, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of Kara’s golden hair.

 

            A feeling of warmth spread throughout her, and Kara realised that she _was_ happy. She had nothing figured out - no job and no home to call her own - but even just the thought of Lena was enough to chase away her doubts about herself. She would figure everything out in her own time, and she knew that Lena would be by her side to push her to chase after what she wanted. But then again, there was no security in a relationship. The thought of ending back up at square one made a lump form in her throat. She didn’t want to go back to having nothing again, and at least in Midvale, she had _something_.

 

            “I’ll be ready in five.”

 

            Ten minutes later, Kara was rifling through the boxes in the garage, letting out a triumphant shout as she found one with a pair of muddy gloves, slightly rusted shears and a small trowel. The lawnmower was already in the car, alongside a metal rake and a weed trimmer. Eliza had a coat thrown over the top of her plain shirt and pants, a white coat slung over one arm as she climbed into the front seat of the car, and Kara quickly wedged the box into the back seat and climbed in behind the steering wheel, the engine roaring to life as she turned the key in the ignition. The staticky radio played music from the eighties as they headed into town, bypassing the high school Kara had attended and making their way to the old brick hospital. Eliza climbed out of the car, telling her to have a good day, and Kara returned the sentiment, assuring her she’d be there to pick her up at six. Fifteen minutes later she was pulling up outside Lena’s house, a determined look on her face, her eyes glinting with the prospect of tackling the overgrown garden, and she cut the engine, lifting the box of gardening tools out of the backseat and kicking the door shut behind her. The sun was pushing through the veil of clouds now, and she breathed deeply as she walked up the front path, dumping the box on the front porch. Then she went back to the car and dragged the lawnmower out of the car, the contraption rattling as she pushed it up the path, coming back for the weed trimmer as well. The grass was too long, along with the sandy stalks of sea oats waving in the midst of them, so she’d need to shorten it before she could run a lawnmower through it. She was in for a busy day.

 

            Once she had everything set up, she jogged up the steps, quietly knocking on the front door and waiting for Lena to answer. There was no sound coming from inside, and Kara assumed that it meant she was asleep, and turned around, going over to the box and pulling out the thick gloves and a pair of shears, along with a roll of trash bags. She didn’t want to start making a racket if Lena _was_ asleep, knowing that her sleeping schedule was all over the place and she might’ve just gone to bed, and decided to tackle the flowerbeds beneath the shuttered windows. They were overgrown with weeds, and Kara eagerly knelt in the dirt, pulling weed after weed with her gloved hands, putting them into the trash bag and digging up roots and stones as the sun beat down on the back of her neck. She’d brought her earphones to play music while she worked, and she got lost in the work, ignoring the ache in her back and hunched shoulders as she finished below one window and walked to the other side of the porch and started that one.

 

            A gentle tap on her shoulder made her let out a loud exclamation of surprise, along with some choice swear words as she was startled, and Kara tore the earphones out of her ears as her pulse raced. The lyrics to _September_ were cut off as she clutched her earphones in a muddy gloved hand, already on her feet staring at Lena, who was wrapped in her silk bathrobe, a pair of slippers on her feet and a newspaper tucked under one arm. Her hair was a birds nest and her eyes tired but amused.

 

            “You have a lovely voice.”

 

 _“God,_ you scared me,” Kara breathlessly exclaimed, brushing flyaway hairs out of her sweaty face as she looked at Lena.

 

            “I believe it was more like _holy fuck_ ,” Lena said, her lips curling up into a smile, “but good morning. You’re here early.”

 

            Blushing red, Kara pulled off one of the gloves and tucked the earphones into the front pocket of her overalls, looking down at her grass stained knees and streak of mud on her thighs, her hands worrying at her braid as she tried to make herself somewhat presentable - not that it made much difference. “Good morning,” she squeaked, hesitating slightly before she stepped closer and kissed Lena on the cheek - a compromise on being too forward and too shy - before stepping back and smiling slightly. “How did you know I was out here?”

 

            Lena let out a loud laugh, her eyes crinkling at the corners, “I didn’t. I came out to get the newspaper and you frightened _me_ with your singing. How long have you been lurking outside my windows?”

 

            “Since about seven,” Kara sheepishly admitted, glancing down at her watch, which told her it was just past eight-thirty, “I didn’t want to get going with the weed trimmer in case you were sleeping.”

 

            “That’s thoughtful of you,” Lena said with humour colouring her voice, “want to take a break? I can make some tea.”

 

            “Sure,” Kara quickly agreed, pulling off the other glove and tucking them into her back pocket, before she followed Lena up the front porch steps and into the dark house.

 

            She washed her hands at the sink while Lena pulled an extra cup out of the cupboard, steam already billowing out of the kettle as it bubbled to boiling point and clicked off. Today they had orange and cinnamon spice tea. She made them some toast too, and Kara was too polite to tell her she’d already eaten toast for breakfast, or that she didn’t like apricot jam, so she ate it anyway, nursing her cup in her hands as she chatted to Lena about her morning. Then Kara declared that she had to get back to work, and Lena let out a quick laugh, climbing to her feet and asking Kara if she’d like some company. As much as Kara wanted to spend more time with Lena, she needed to cut the grass, which was a loud job, and she couldn’t imagine it would be much fun to listen to the constant whirring of the blades as she hacked at the sea of green. Instead, she told Lena to go about her business, with the promise that she’d still be here later.

 

            Outside, she plugged her earphones back in, pressing play and fetching the weed trimmer. Getting to work on the far left of the garden, she began to cut the long stalks, filling the air with grains of sea oats and motes of pollen as she chopped dandelions and daisies beneath the blades. She made a mental note to get some weed killer. It was slow going, with the need to stop and start as she filled bag after bag of grass, hoping that the school or community centre would take it to make compost, but slowly, she made a dent in the overgrown garden. By lunchtime, the garden to the left of the stone path running up to Lena’s front door was no longer a jungle of weeds and grass, and Kara wiped a hand across her sweaty brow, smiling as she surveyed her work. She was neatening up the edges along the sidewalk and the start of the grass when a flicker of movement out of the corner of her eyes caught her attention, and she looked up to see a dark figure standing at the top of the steps. Switching off the trimmer, she shaded her eyes and started walking towards Lena, who was holding two plates, with bottles tucked under her arm.

 

            “How’s it going?” Lena asked at the sound of Kara’s footsteps on the bottom step, holding out a sandwich towards Kara, who thanked her as she took it, latching onto Lena’s hand and gently tugging her down the steps.

 

            Walking her to the left of the lawn, Kara pulled her onto the grass, and a smile spread across Lena’s face. “I’m making some progress.”

 

            They sank down onto the spongy cushion of the grass, plates in laps, and Lena held out a bottle of mineral water to Kara, who gratefully took it, realising that she was actually quite thirsty. It was a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich, with a relish that Kara was surprised to find that Lena made herself, much to the other woman’s amusement. It turned out she was quite the cook, even if it took her a lot longer to carefully craft her dishes. Kara asked her what she’d been doing, and Lena shrugged, giving her a vague answer about housework and piano, and Kara was almost tempted to call it a day and ask Lena to play something for her. Instead, she went inside and washed the dishes for her, despite Lena’s protests, her hands grateful for the soapy hot water after so long working in the garden. A hot shower was sounding even more welcome, but soon enough, she found herself out on the front porch, the smell of freshly cut grass perfuming the air and bringing with it the smell of summer.

 

            Lena joined her outside, sitting on the steps as she read a thick book in the shade, her fingers nimbly running across the bumpy pages, and Kara watched with admiration, thinking about how hard it must be to feel each letter, and realising once again how much she took for granted. It was almost distracting to have Lena there. Every time she glanced up, she’d pause for a moment and watch her, before shaking herself out of her thoughts, busying herself with cutting the grass again. It was a perfect day for gardening, with the sky turning an eggshell blue behind the clouds, butterflies drifting on the breeze, and the distant cry of seagulls and crashing of the waves reminding her of the beach just on the other side of the towering trees. It was easy to forget that they weren’t alone in the middle of nowhere, with the mossy forest and twittering birds fooling her into false serenity. The peacefulness there was so constant that she half forgot that they didn’t live in their own little world of stories, music and the outdoors.

 

            She worked relentlessly until the sun started sinking on the horizon, her clothes covered in a fine layer of grass and pollen, almost hiding the streaks of dirt, and Kara’s hands were a shocking sight. A part of her couldn’t help but wonder what Lena would think of the dirt trapped beneath her fingernails, and the fine creases turned black with mud, with her own delicate fingers that barely left the sparkling ivory keys of her piano. Glancing up at the sky, which was powder blue, with tangerine smudges of wispy clouds peeking above the dark silhouettes of the pine trees, and Kara squinted down at her watch in the dimness of twilight, her stomach lurching when she realised that she had to go and get Eliza. Grabbing her gardening tools, she chucked them all in a box and lugged it up to the porch, startling Lena, who had a thin cashmere blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her book open in her lap.

 

            “Sorry, I lost track of time,” Kara breathlessly explained, running back down the steps and dragging the rickety lawnmower over to the side of the house, out of sight of the road, just in case, although she couldn’t imagine anyone would want to steal the rusted machine with its red peeling paint. She carried the trimmer and rake up to the porch too, and piled the trash bags in the trunk of the car, before running back up to the porch like a madwoman. “I have to go and pick Eliza up from work.”

 

            “Oh, is it that late?” Lena asked, snapping her book shut and bundling the blanket up into a ball as she slowly climbed to her feet.

 

            “It’s five to six,” Kara told her, reaching out to steady her by the elbow, “sorry, I should’ve kept a closer eye on the time. I don’t mean to run out on you so quickly, but I’ll see you tomorrow?”

 

            Lena gave her a small smile, reaching up to cup her face, “tomorrow.”

 

            Wrapping her in a quick hug, Kara led her to the front door and was racing down the steps, calling goodbye over her shoulder as she fished the car keys out of her pocket. She honked the horn once as she pulled away from the house, catching sight of Lena waving in her general vicinity, and Kara smiled as she switched the headlights on.

 

            She was five minutes late to pick Eliza up, and was already apologising when her mom opened up the door, much to Eliza’s amusement when she caught sight of the frazzled looking Kara in her dirty clothes. “You’ve been busy. Good day?”

 

            “Mhm, I got a lot done. It’s going to look great!” Kara enthusiastically told her, heading back towards their house as she asked Eliza about her day, listening to her mom talk about the lab work she’d mostly been doing, and telling Kara about one of the kids she’d used to babysit for breaking his arm. By the time they got home to their cold, dark house, neither of them could be bothered cooking, and Kara took a much needed shower while Eliza dug some takeaway menus out of a kitchen drawer. They decided on Thai, and soon enough they were both curled up on the sofa, watching _Law & Order _ with cartons of Pad Thai and green curry and glasses of salmon coloured moscato. A battered copy of _Little Women_ was open in Kara’s lap, and she twirled her fork in her noodles as she made her way through the book, her muscles aching slightly from a day of hard labour. She couldn’t wait to go back tomorrow.

 

            Eliza went to bed a few hours later, yawning as she gathered up her empty glass and takeaway container, before wishing Kara a goodnight and shuffling upstairs. Turning the volume down on the TV, Kara read for a little while longer, but her thoughts kept turning to Lena and she was struggling to keep her eyes open, even though she had the sudden urge to call her. Her phone was beside her, resting on the arm of the sofa, and she picked it up, her thumb hovering over Lena’s name, and with a spur of courage, she dialled her.

 

_“Hello?”_

 

            “Hi. You’re not sleeping are you?"

 

            Lena quietly laughed, _“no, I’m writing music.”_

 

            “Is it a bad time?”

 

_“It never is. What’s on your mind?”_

 

            “Nothing, I just- I wanted to call you,” Kara admitted, biting her lip as she smiled, “I realised I never told you a story today.”

 

_“And I never played you a song.”_

 

            Her heart stuttered slightly, and Kara couldn’t stop the giddy feeling that washed over her, making her feel all warm inside when she realised that this was their thing. This was a thing reserved solely for each other. It was touching. “So, um, I’ve got another local one.”

 

 _“Who knew we lived in such an exciting place,”_ Lena dryly replied, and Kara let out an exasperated sigh, _“sorry. I’ll rein in the sarcasm. Please, continue, storyteller.”_

 

            “So there was this guy in the early eighteenth century who was was an English convict, sent over to the States as punishment. I think he stole a loaf of bread. And a set of silver candlesticks. So anyway, this guy was a pretty well known thief, but this time he was caught and stuck in the overflowing prisons in England. They had way too many prisoners though, like they couldn’t even lay down in those cells, and they were all riddled with diseases and starving and the like, so they sent him across on a big ship. His name was Thomas Jones. So things were pretty good for him when he was sent here. He was still a criminal, but he had food and a cell, and he did some manual labour helping to build the houses and whatever else they needed. But he was pretty smart, apparently, and he somehow escaped and made his way to what’s now Midvale. He hid out in the forests, made a little home in a cave in the foothills, and pretty much spent his time harassing people along the trade route that passed by. He targeted the rich, of course, and stole all their money.”

 

_"So he was like the first American Robin Hood?”_

 

            Laughing, Kara wrinkled her nose slightly. “Kind of. He sometimes stole from the poor too, and he never gave it back. He made a name for himself, of course, and they all started to call him Tom Cat. He was quite a malicious tormentor of the poor townsfolk, and he used to hide in his cave whenever people would come looking for him. He ended up marrying some heiress when he was a lot older, and somehow tricking the town into letting him be the new enforcer of the law. I guess they thought if he was _that_ good at setting traps for people, he’d catch a lot of guys who were worse than him. You know _Tom and Jerry?_ The cat was kind of based off him.”

 

_“Hmph. Well, I always thought that cat was an asshole. Thank you for the story.”_

 

            “You’re very welcome,” Kara murmured.

 

_“Now, it’s my turn.”_

 

            Kara pummelled her pillow into a more comfortable shape, muting the TV, and she set her book aside, pulling the blanket off the back of the sofa and covering herself as she listened to the muffled sounds on the other end of the phone. Putting it on speaker, she closed her eyes, smiling as the first dulcet tones of the piano keys drifted through, sending a wave of calm through her as she relaxed.

 

\---

 

            “Kara?”

 

            Jerking awake, Kara blearing peered up at a blonde figure leaning over her, a warm hand gently shaking her awake, and she scrambled upright, straightening her lopsided glasses as she frowned.

 

            “Have you been down here all night?” Eliza asked.

 

            “Mm,” Kara mumbled, realising the TV was still on and pale sunlight was shining into the living room. Rubbing at her tired eyes, she fumbled for her phone and saw a text waiting for her.

 

_Sleep tight._

 

            Smiling softly at the message, she realised that she must’ve fallen asleep while Lena was playing for her, and Kara felt a little bit guilty at leaving her hanging, wondering how long Lena had played for her before she’d realised that she’d sent Kara off to sleep with her music. Eliza was cleaning up Kara’s mess, already dressed for work, and Kara slowly climbed to her feet, yawning as she folded the blanket she’d been sleeping with.

 

            Making oats for her and Eliza for breakfast, while her mom made them both fresh coffee, Kara stared out the window, taking in the clear sky and smiling to herself. Pouring sweet raspberries into their bowls, she took a seat at the table with Eliza, and they fell into conversation about Kara’s book, which she vaguely tried to explain, still very much self-conscious about explaining it to other people. She’d never liked others reading her unfinished work, and knew that no one would be allowed a sneak peek of it until it was all finished. A secret part of her envisioned her reading it to Lena first, perhaps in her finished garden in summer. Someplace nice and calm, reflecting the feeling she hoped that she’d capture in her book. After switching topics and asking Eliza about her lab work, scraping their bowls clean and draining their coffees, Kara said goodbye to her mom, who disappeared out the front door, and rushed upstairs. Scrubbing herself clean, knowing she was in for a day of messiness again, Kara changed into a clean, faded navy t-shirt and the same grass stained overalls she’d been wearing yesterday. Peddling her bike to Lena’s, the wind in her face and goosebumps rippling up her arms, Kara was soon riding down Lena’s street, pulling up to the more presentable looking garden with a delighted look on her face.

 

            Stowing her bike around the side of the house, she quickly mounted the steps and knocked on the front door, listening to the shuffling sound of Lena moving around, footsteps growing louder as she approached the door and unlocked it. Smiling, she gave Kara an amused look.

 

            “Ah, you’re awake.”

 

            Giving her a sheepish look, Kara reached out and gave her arm a gentle squeeze, “sorry about that. It’s just so soothing to listen to. Eliza woke me up this morning, still on the sofa.”

 

            “Oof, how’s your back?” Lena laughed, stepping aside so Kara could come in. Joining in on her laughter, Kara shut the door behind her and reached out in the dark for Lena’s hand, letting the blind lead the blind through the house, although, Kara was starting to feel like she could make it through the house without the assistance of a warm hand in hers or a light. It was remarkable how quickly she’d become comfortable in someone else’s home. Even more surprising how quickly she’d become comfortable with someone else. She’d fallen into an easy friendship with Lena, which had grown into something else in such an organic way that it didn’t seem sudden at all; Kara felt like she’d fallen into Lena’s life perfectly, both of them easily balancing their own lives with the added presence of another person. She could hardly believe her luck at finding something that worked as easy as breathing. “So no car today? I didn’t hear one pull up.”

 

            “Nope, just me and my bike.”

 

            “Does that mean you’re free for dinner?” Lena asked, a hopeful sound in her voice - or Kara told herself that’s what it was, because she really wanted it to be.

 

            Giving Lena’s hand a quick squeeze, Kara smiled in the dark, “of course.”

 

            “Perfect. Anything you’re allergic to?”

 

            “No,” Kara assured her, “did you want me to run to the store for anything?”

 

            “That’s my job,” Lena told her.

 

            Deciding not to protest, after all, Lena had been walking to the store alone just fine for years without Kara’s help so it wasn’t like she’d be changing anything, Kara quietly relented. They spent a few minutes in the kitchen, with Kara hovering in the dark, listening to the sounds of Lena cleaning up the remnants of her breakfast, and then when Lena was ready to leave, she walked back out with her. Shutting the door behind her, but leaving it unlocked, Lena told her to help herself to anything out of the fridge or anything else she might need, and Kara dragged all of her equipment back out, getting to work on the garden again as soon as she watched Lena’s dark figure disappear out of sight.

 

            Lost in her music and work, Kara had a perfectly green lawn sprawling across the expanse spread out before the house by the time Lena returned. The flowerbeds were neatly bordered, the grass an inch long and free of any weeds, and she’d even created a neat border along the encroaching trees and plants growing all around the house. She was in the backyard, repeating the long process by the time she spotted a figure moving down the path coming from the beach, laden down with reusable canvas bags and a white cane tapping from side to side, and her heart swelled slightly at the sight. Dropping her tools, Kara trampled through the underbrush, rustling plants and crunching bracken as she wove between the trunks, ducking under branches, and fell into step beside Lena, taking a few bags off her to lighten the load.

 

            “How’s the garden?” Lena asked, her eyebrows rising slightly.

 

            “I’ve done a fantastic job, if I do say so myself,” Kara laughed, “it’s coming along quite well. Give me a week and it’ll look like a completely new place.”

 

            “Don’t overwork yourself,” Lena gently warned her, sounding concerned, “I don’t want you tiring yourself out."

 

            Scoffing, Kara ran a hand over her dirty overalls, dislodging some grass and pollen. _“Please_. It’s hardly strenuous work. It’s quite relaxing actually. Plus I’m absolutely _killing_ it in my overalls. I feel like I need to get myself a toolbelt. Isn’t that like the dream? Having a handyman come and fix up your house while you watch and bring lemonade or something.”

 

            Snorting with laughter, Lena shook her head in amusement, “would you like me to bring you some lemonade?”

 

            “Well … no,” Kara laughed, wrinkling her nose slightly as she smiled at Lena, “but my point is, I’m like every woman’s dream right now.”

 

            “Aha, have I found the reason why you’re insisting on doing this? Are you trying to woo me?”

 

            Choking on a laugh, Kara felt her cheeks turn red, and she ducked her head down, unable to keep the smile off her face as they turned the corner and then found the front path to Lena’s house. “Why, is it working?”

 

            Tilting her head to the side, Lena smiled slightly, “I mean … yeah. I can’t see those overalls you’re absolutely killing it in, but it’s nice to have someone do nice things for me. It’s been a while. Before you, I mean. Since I met you … I don’t know, you just- you make me think that there are some things worth caring about. It’s worth going that extra step for someone, even if that means doing some free labour to help out a blind woman who was too stubborn and proud to call a gardener.”

 

            “Or composing some music to make a girl who loves stories cry,” Kara countered.

 

            “Hm, I suppose. I did that with the deepest affection, and maybe a small part of that vain arrogance I still can’t seem to shake,” Lena said as she opened the front door and stepped into her dark house, Kara following close behind her. “I wanted to show off. And do something nice for you. It’s not the only one I’ve written, you know.”

 

            “I know. I’ve listened to loads of them from the beach. I loved them all.”

 

            Lena quietly laughed, setting the bags down on a kitchen counter, “I meant I’ve written more about _you_. You have a way of getting into my head. When I’m with you, a song gets stuck in my head, and I can’t seem to shake it. Not until you leave and I get it all out.”

 

            “Am I ever going to hear them?” Kara asked, her heart racing in her chest at the thought of Lena spending hours writing music for her.

 

            Turning around, Lena reached out and cupped Kara’s chin in her hand, her thumb gently brushing Kara’s bottom lip as she stood frozen in Lena’s clumsy grip. She hadn’t turned the kitchen light on when she’d walked in so she couldn’t see the smile on Lena’s face, but she could hear it in her voice when she replied. “Maybe after dinner.”


	17. Chapter 17

            The rest of the week was mostly spent kneeling in flowerbeds, pulling weeds and pruning bushes that grew along the fringes of Lena’s property, and on Sunday, Kara showed up early in Eliza’s car, having borrowed it again. She was wearing jeans and a blue plaid shirt this time, the knees worn and her brown boots scuffed, and she smiled brightly as Lena opened the door, wearing a softer smile as she stared unseeingly ahead. Kara’s smile grew wider when she realised that the olive coloured shirt Lena was wearing was one of hers that she hadn’t gotten back yet.

 

            “Good morning,” Kara said, leaning down slightly to kiss her on the cheek.

 

            As she pulled back, Lena reached up and stopped her with a hand on her cheek, turning Kara’s head to the side slightly and slowly leaning up to kiss her. Smiling into it, Kara thumbed Lena’s cheekbone as she cupped her cheek, liking the way their lips felt against each other’s, and how warm and soft they were. They drew back a few moments later, Kara pink-cheeked and flustered, and Lena cool and steady.

 

            “Good morning.”

 

            “Have you had breakfast?” Kara asked, “there’s somewhere I want to take you.”

 

            Assuring her that she had already eaten, Lena fumbled for a black denim jacket hanging on a hook, slipping it on and slowly lacing up a pair of black boots as she sat on the bottom step of the staircase. Leaning against the doorframe, Kara watched her get ready, and then reached out to take her hand when Lena pushed herself to her feet. With that, they were outside in the balmy autumn day, not a cloud in the sky, and soon climbing into the car parked on the curb. The radio was playing jazz music and they had the windows wound down, cool air streaming in as they drove towards town, their fingers laced together over the centre console. Lena didn’t ask where they were going until Kara stopped and climbed out of the car, opening Lena’s door for her and lacing their hands together once more as she led Lena towards the small brick building at the front of the sprawling glass one behind it. Passing by the checkouts and trolleys, Kara smiled at the staff members milling around as they stacked fertiliser and gardening tools on shelves, grabbing a trolley and turning to face Lena.

 

            “Are you ready for some fun?”

 

            Lena pressed her lips into a thin line, a suspicious look on her face, and tilted her head to the side slightly. “How much fun are we talking? I’m not sure where we are but it smells … damp and earthy.”

 

            Laughing, Kara reached out to grip Lena by the shoulders, gently guiding her towards the trolley and prompting her to climb onto it, much to Lena’s confusion. “Just sit on the trolley and hang on tight.”

 

_             “Trolley?”  _ Lena echoed as she sank down onto it, gingerly freezing as the trolley moved slightly beneath her movements. Kara reached out to steady it with a soft smile on her face. 

 

            “We’re at a nursery. For plants, not kids.”

 

            “I assumed,” Lena dryly replied.

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Kara starting pushing them towards the doors leading into the open greenhouse, yellow sunlight streaming in through the glass windows, making the whole place seem greener as they walked into the jungle of plants and trees. “Now, what kind of flowers do you like? I mean, I know you said posies were your favourite-”

 

            “You remembered that?”

 

            “Of  _ course _ I did,” Kara scoffed. “I was thinking snowdrops and roses, dahlias and crocuses. Maybe bluebells, asters, zinnias and anemones.”

 

            “Those all mean … nothing,” Lena admitted after a slight pause, while Kara wheeled them through rows of shrubs in little black plastic plant pots.

 

            Eyes crinkling at the corners as she smiled, Kara continued to the next break in the aisle and made a gentle left, weaving them through rows of plants, the sweet, intoxicating smell of flowers cut through by the sharper smell of sap and something that was so distinctly foresty, making Kara feel comforted by the presence of so much greenery. Reaching for a plastic pot holding white blossoms in stark contrast to the shiny green leaves, Kara crouched down before Lena and placed the pot of gardenias in her lap, a cloud of the sweet and strong smell enveloping them, searing itself in their memories as Kara looked up at Lena, who had a faint smile playing on her lips as her dark hair fell in her face.

 

            “It doesn’t matter what they look like. I want to plant a garden for  _ you _ . The sweetest smelling one in all of Midvale. And just as pretty,” Kara softly told her, leaning forward to kiss her forehead, before climbing to her feet and reaching out for a few more pots of gardenias.

 

            “Well, if it’s going to smell amazing, it needs some lavender,” Lena told her.

 

            “Lavender?” Kara asked, surprised at the request, considering the fact that Lena didn’t even know this was going to happen and already had some demands.

 

            “Mhm. Lavender. You always smell like lavender. I love it, it’s … comforting.”

 

            Fighting back a blush as she tried to keep her composure, Kara stammered an agreement, moving on to find some and adding it to the trolley. Soon, Lena was sitting in a garden of flowers, some stacked precariously as they tried to cram as many onto the cart as they could. She ended up standing in a small patch, barely big enough to fit her feet in, holding onto the handle behind her while Kara peeked over her shoulder, making sure they didn’t crash. The room was warm and damp, smelling dewy and fresh, and with the accompanying smell of flowers, they had as much fun as Kara had promised they’d have. She picked peachy roses and pink sweet peas, tiny pink and speckled violets, showy freesias in half a dozen colours, white edged lilacs and all of the other flowers she said they were going to need. In the end they needed  _ two  _ trolleys to hold all the plants, as well as the sacks of fertiliser she needed to plant them. Lena paid for the lot, insisting that the cost was no matter when Kara tried to take some responsibility for the overwhelming amount of flowers she’d picked out.

 

            The ride home was a haze of buttery sunlight and gentle warmth, the back of the car a chaotic riot of colours and mingling scents, and when they pulled up to the house, Kara was buzzing with excitement, ready to start planting them. She parked Lena before her piano, leaving her to muddle through the song she stumbled over, drifting towards Kara as she knelt in the flowerbeds, digging up the soft earth and making little holes for the plants that she carried back and forth from the car.

 

            She spent hours neatly arranging them, from the tall, waving stalks of lavender beneath the shuttered windows, to the small snowdrops and bluebells in planters attached to the windows, and the pink sweet peas and zinnias at the very front of the flowerbeds. The sun was just about to start setting when she finished the back garden, staring at the colours bursting to life as she watered them with the garden hose she’d found neatly coiled around the side of the house, her clothes dirty and her skin slick with sweat and pollen, and she glowed with pride, looking at the product of her hard labour. She couldn’t wait to show Lena.

 

            “I’m all done,” Kara called into the house, kicking off her muddy boots as she walked into the kitchen, washing her hands in the sink as she tried to scrape the soil from beneath her fingernails. She could really use a shower.

 

            Apparently Lena was as intuitive as always, and she smiled softly as she materialised in the doorway. “Would you like a shower? I have your clothes here. I can get dinner started while you do.”

 

            “Can I take you outside first?” Kara asked, bouncing with her eagerness as she dired her hands on a dish towel. A deeply thoughtful look cross Lena’s face as she pursed her lips, but she couldn’t quite stop herself from smiling and vigorously nodded as she walked over to Kara and reached out, taking her hand and pulling her to the back door.

 

            If it had been with anyone else, Kara probably would’ve blindfolded them for the big reveal, but there was nothing for Lena to see, and she couldn’t surprise her with the heady smell of the flowers, so intoxicatingly strong as they stepped out onto the back porch. Still, she led Lena down to the nearest flowerbed, biting back a smile as she watched her breathe in deeply, a relaxed look of unbridled joy on her face as she closed her eyes, reveling in the feeling of late summer the blooming flowers brought with them. Autumn was already upon them, but with the unfamiliar scent of so many flowers surrounding her, Lena felt like she’d been transported to fields of flowers, in the height of their flowering, and Kara hardly dared to breathe as she waited for her to say something. It was quiet for a few moments, with the sound of bees buzzing as they bumbled along in the flowerbeds, curiously seeking out the newest plants that had been brought to the house, the sound of the sea and the trees adding to the hushed quiet of the moment.

 

            Then Lena’s eyes flew open and she let out a loud laugh of delight, stumbling forward until she hit Kara, whose arms immediately encircled her waist, lifting her off the grass slightly as she smiled, stroking a hand down Lena’s unbound hair and breathing in the fresh smell of her washing detergent and vanilla and sandalwood of her perfume. She felt the air rush out of her as her heart raced in her chest, feeling warm everywhere Lena touched her.

 

            “Thank you,” Lena breathed into the side of her neck, making Kara shiver slightly, “it’s … magical.”

 

            “Now you know how I feel about your music,” Kara whispered, setting her back down on the floor and giving her a gentle squeeze before extracting herself from Lena’s embrace. Hesitating for a moment, she ducked down and stole a chaste kiss, watching as Lena’s lips curled up into a smile and followed after hers, just a little.

 

            Letting out a small sound of complaint, which made Kara let out a shaky laugh, still feeling a little flustered from the kiss, Lena smiled. “You know where the bathroom is. And the towels. There’s also some of your clothes in my closet … which you also know where it is. You’re probably covered in dirt, right?”

 

            “Mhm. Not exactly my best look, I’ll admit, but the garden is worth it!”

 

            “Hmm, well I bet this is doing wonders for your handywoman look,” Lena mused, narrowing her eyes slightly, as if she could see Kara. “I’m envisioning this whole messy Kate Beckinsale thing. But blonde and American.”

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Kara shook her head as she slowly walked back to the steps with Lena right beside her. “Kate Beckinsale? Far from it. I  _ am  _ interested in why Kate Beckinsale though. Celebrity crush?”

 

            “Oh yeah. I was rightfully obsessed with Underworld when it came out. Didn’t take me too long to figure out why. Just a few years and a bit of an uncomfortable self-discovery. Anyway, that kickstarted the whole goth thing because I really wanted to be Selene. Well, until I moved here and started dressing like a more flamboyant Cyndi Lauper, I assume.”

 

            “Has Cyndi Lauper ever  _ not _ been flamboyant?” Kara laughed. “I liked it, for the record. The way you dressed, not Cyndi Lauper’s wardrobe. I mean, she was pretty cool too, but … yeah. But I can understand why you’d hate it. But I also like the darker colours. It feels very ... _you._ ”

 

            Pausing with one hand on the door handle, Lena gave her an amused look, her eyebrows raised slightly and the barest hint of a smile threatening to turn into a fit of laughter as Kara blundered her way through her attempt at complimenting and reassuring Lena. Letting out an exasperated sigh, Kara pressed her lips together and resigned herself to the fact that she was forever finding herself struggling to say what she really meant when explaining her feelings to Lena. As always, honesty was best.

 

            “I just- I think you look lovely all the time. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone half as charming as you.”

 

            “And I don’t think I’ve met anyone even remotely as caring,” Lena said, pushing the door open and stepping into the dark, “now, let me do the caring and make you something to eat, and you can go and enjoy a nice, long shower.”

 

            “Sure you don’t want help with dinner?”

 

            “Off with you,” Lena shooed her, laughing as she gave Kara a gentle push towards the direction of the door.

 

            Laughing, Kara walked towards it and hovered in the doorway for a moment, glancing back over her shoulder as she watched the dark outline of Lena moving through the kitchen, and then illuminated by the fridge light that washed the room white. Smiling to herself, she carried on down the hallway, the stairs creaking beneath each step, and she wandered up to the bathroom, flicking the lightswitch on. She fetched a towel from the closet just outside, and then hesitantly walked into Lena’s room, after a few moments of debating whether or not she felt comfortable doing so - she’d been in there twice, but only with Lena present, and it felt very intimate and invasive to walk in there and rifle through her closet. Lena had told her to though, so with her permission Kara fetched one of her plain white shirts and a pair of the dark blue jeans she’d left there. Back in the white tiled bathroom, Kara stripped off her dirty clothes and stepped under the stream of hot water, feeling her muscles relax as she washed the earth from her skin with some pomegranate soap that looked expensive. Feeling a lot more refreshed when she stepped out, Kara wrapped a fluffy towel around herself and tried to do something with her damp hair in the fogged up mirror, wiping wet curls off her cheeks and forehead and fumbling for her glasses as she squinted at her reflection. She reemerged a few minutes later dressed in her own clothes, the damp towel bundled up in her arms along with her dirty clothes, and she shouted downstairs, asking what to do with them. Lena called back a few moments later with directions to the laundry basket, and then Kara came downstairs, her footsteps heavy on the stairs, echoing through the quiet house.

 

            “Wait! Hold on a second!” Lena called out to her as she neared the the kitchen door, which stood ajar.

 

            “Oh, um, okay,” Kara said, a puzzled look on her face as she hovered just outside, waiting for permission to enter.

 

            It was a few moments before Lena’s shadowy figure appeared in front of her, and Kara was pulled into the kitchen and over to the back door, with Lena moving behind her, whispering for Kara to close her eyes and then covering them with her warm hands. Laughing at the fact that she would’ve done the same earlier if it would’ve made a difference, Kara let Lena lead her out through the door she’d opened, her gentle voice murmuring instructions to her - five steps across the porch, four down the steps, and then another seven forward - and then her hands disappeared. Kara kept them closed a few moments longer, until Lena told her to open, and Kara’s face lit up in surprise and wonder as she looked at the picnic blankets stretched out across the backyard, making a patchwork of plaid, and the flickering orange light of the couple of little electric lanterns with balls of glass glowing in the dim early evening. The sun was already beginning to descend, and the sky was a deep blue overhead, the first stars already peeking through, and the halo of light from the lanterns created a small circle around the blankets. The air was filled with the smell of the garden and the sound of the sea, just a slight chill in the air, but nothing that could diminish the warm feeling that spread through Kara as she stared at the little setup Lena had created.

 

            “How about that dinner I promised you?” Lena asked, a smile in her voice, which faltered slightly when she paused a moment later. “Is it nice?”

 

            “It’s perfect,” Kara whispered.

 

            Feeling reassured, Lena smiled brightly as she led Kara onto the blankets, her hands on Kara’s shoulders, and gave her a slight squeeze. “Sit down and I’ll bring dinner out.”

 

            “I’ll help,” Kara volunteered, dubiously eyeing the steps and wondering if Lena carrying plates and cups down them was a smart decision. 

 

            Pushing down on her shoulders, Lena gave her an amused look, assuring her that she could handle it, and Kara sank down to her knees as she looked up at Lena, entranced by the look in her dark eyes and the feeling of her slender fingers cupping her chin as she tilted Kara’s heard upwards. And then she was gone, disappearing outside their circle of light and smoothly walking up the back steps. Waiting patiently, Kara listened for the sound of returning footsteps - these ones a little more wary and uneven - and smiled when Lena returned, two bottles in hand and two glasses. She handed one to Kara, who eyed the pink liquid with uncertainty as she opened the bottle, before pouring some into a glass and taking a sip.

 

            “Mixed berry kombucha,” Lena told her, before she was gone again, the sky darkening further in the few minutes she was gone. 

 

            She came back again with two plates in her hands, and Kara reached up to take them both off her as Lena sank down onto the blankets to join her. They had salad, with chicken, pear, walnuts and a creamy dressing, and Kara was surprised to find that despite it being one of Lena’s odd healthy dishes, it was actually nice. Lena explained that she preferred to cook with mostly raw ingredients so as not to give herself food poisoning. Kara ate every last bite. Then there was a peach an almond tart that Lena admitted she had bought from the store, served with ice cream and eaten straight out of the foil tray as they laid side by side on their stomachs and spooned forkfuls into their mouths. All the while they talked, about the garden and the food and Lena’s music and Kara’s book plans. They talked about songs they liked and books they’d read, the places they’d travelled to and wanted to travel to, and in the soft glow of the lanterns, bathing their skin in an orange light, Kara felt so at peace that she forgot that anything else mattered - for a short while. Once they’d finished eating, they laid on their backs, with Kara even feeling brave enough to reach out and pull Lena against her side, her hair tickling the side of Kara’s jaw as she nestled her head in the crook between her neck and shoulder. Looking up at the stars, listening to the crickets singing as the cool breeze ruffled their hair and the smell of flowers made their heads spin.

 

            “Do you know the Big Dipper?” Kara quietly asked, absentmindedly stroking Lena’s arm as she stared up at the clear sky, mapped with constellations.

 

            “Mm,” Lena murmured, “the one that looks like a spoon. My favourite was always Orion’s Belt.” Kara found the constellations and smiled slightly, taking in the three stars that made up the lopsided line, and found the rest that made up the whole constellation. “Do you see that one there?”

 

            Kara followed where Lena’s finger was pointing to, a curious look in her eyes as she squinted, trying to figure out which star she was pointing to. “Which one?”

 

            “It looks a bit like an arrow. Right there. Are you blind?”

 

            “I don’t- hang on a second, _you’re_ blind,” Kara exclaimed. Bursting into laughter, Lena rolled slightly in her arms, her warm lips brushing against Kara’s neck, making her shiver at the sensation, and Kara couldn’t help but laugh along with her. “Very funny. You nearly had me.”

 

_             “Nearly?  _ I  _did._ It took you long enough,” Lena laughed.

 

            Brushing stray hairs off Lena’s forehead, Kara placed a tender kiss to the smooth skin, smiling as she did so. “Well, sometimes I forget when we’re together. You have a way of seeing  _ so much _ . It’s quite unnerving at times.”

 

            “Unnerving, huh?”

 

            “Your eyes,” Kara murmured, caressing the side of Lena’s face as she looked at the blank eyes in question, “they’re so …  _ piercing _ . It feels like you see every inch of me. It’s why I have a hard time keeping anything from you.”

 

            Throwing an arm across Kara’s waist, Lena shook slightly as she laughed, “I don’t need to  _ see _ you to know you. You still keep a lot to yourself though.”

 

            “It’s difficult to find people who understand,” Kara sighed.

 

            “Is that why you’re so hesitant to tell me things sometimes?”

 

            “No.”

 

            “Then why?”

 

            Kara swallowed the lump in her throat, pausing for a moment before she let out a gentle sigh, “because I like you more than you think I do.”

 

            Pushing herself up off Kara, Lena stared down at her, her dark hair tickling Kara’s cheek, and Kara smiled as she reached up and cupped her face, smiling softly up at her. A smile curled Lena’s lips too, and she let out a quiet laugh before replying. “I like you more than you think I do too.”


	18. Chapter 18

_“So, how’s your girlfriend?”_ Alex asked.

 

            Spluttering, Kara put her cup of coffee down a little more forcefully than she meant to, her cheeks turning pink as she gave her sister an exasperated look through the tablet. “I’ve been trying to convince her to invite her over for dinner so I can meet her,” Eliza chipped in.

 

            “She’s not my girlfriend,” Kara primly replied.

 

_“Well you’ve kissed her.”_

 

            “Alex!”

 

_“I’m just saying.”_

 

            Eliza looked amused as she reached out and gave Kara’s shoulder a gentle squeeze, giving her other daughter a slight warning look through the screen. They had been enjoying a nice breakfast of avocado on toast with poached eggs, chatting to Alex before she went to work, and reminding Kara once again of how much she missed her sister. The rest of October had passed by in a blue of cloudy days, but there hadn’t been a cloudy moment with Lena, even as the sky turned steely and the weather turned gloomier, ushering days spent curled up on Lena’s sofa in plaid shirts or thick knitted sweaters. Copious amounts of tea and books were involved, and Kara had even managed to snag a little job at the _Midvale Mail_ , which she was immensely happy about as it meant that she was back to reporting stories - albeit boringly small town nonsense - and Lena would compose music while Kara lounged on the sofa in the piano room, typing up her articles while she let the soothing sound of the piano wash over her.

 

            “Maybe you should check on _your_ girlfriend,” Kara said, raising her eyebrows slightly.

 

            Alex seemed to draw herself up slightly, _“maybe I will.”_

 

            “Aha! I _knew_  you were seeing Sam!” Kara exclaimed.

 

_“Kara, just ask her over for dinner.”_

 

            “I’m going now,” Kara said, quickly climbing to her feet and carrying her plate to the sink, draining her cup of coffee and dumping that into the soapy water too. She quickly washed her dishes, listening to Alex cajole her while Eliza chided her, and with an amused look on her face, Kara swept past, calling goodbye to her sister, and asking Eliza if she could borrow the car.

 

            She was outside in the nippy day a few minutes later, a puffy coat pulled on over a thick tan coloured sweater and  her leather satchel slung over one shoulder, and was climbing into the driver’s seat, placing her bag on the passenger seat. The drive to Lena’s was short, and the grey clouds overhead seemed to suck the colour out of everything. Parking the car outside the pale grey house, Kara smiled at the flowering garden, not yet touched by the beginning frosts of winter, and climbed out of the car, dragging her satchel from from the front seat and locking the car behind her. Walking up to the front door, Kara knocked on the peeling front door, waiting for it to be pulled open by Lena. It was a few moments before it was, and Kara beamed at Lena, ducking her head down to steal a kiss as she greeted her.

 

            “Good morning,” Kara chirped.

 

            Murmuring her own greeting, Lena trailed her fingers down Kara’s arm and pulled her inside by the hand, shutting them into darkness and leading Kara straight into the more frequently used living room. Switching the light on, Kara dumped her bag down beside the sofa, kicking off her shoes and draping her coat over the back of it, before she sat down, making herself at home. Lena was quiet and Kara looked up, giving her a soft smile, which quickly turned to a look of panic as she shot up to her feet.

 

 _“Oh,_ what _happened?”_ Kara softly gasped, reaching out to gently cup Lena’s cheek in her hand, carefully thumbing the greenish bruise that was blossoming at the side of Lena’s eye, careful to make sure that she didn’t add any pressure.

 

            Gesturing vaguely, Lena gave her a grim smile, “oh, you know, just being a clutz.” She said it in an off-hand way, but Kara knew how disgruntled Lena got whenever she blundered and hurt herself. It was never anything serious, but Kara knew it made Lena bristle slightly, seeing it as her pride being wounded, more than a physical wound. A pained look on her face, Kara let out a small sigh, kissing Lena on the forehead.

 

            “Shall I make us some tea?” Kara asked, guiding Lena down onto the sofa. Days like this were never good days for Lena - she was always grumpy and a little sullen - and Kara hoped some tea would help soothe her.

 

            She didn’t wait for Lena’s reply, she just kissed her on the top of her head again and climbed to her feet, making her way to the kitchen and switching on the lights. Pulling out two rose patterned teacups, she pulled out a box of chai tea and carried the kettle over the the sink. The smell of mint lingered near the small plant pot struggling to grow near the window, and Kara fed it some water before she filled the kettle up with water. Rummaging through the cupboards for a few biscuits, she plated up buttery shortbreads, wiping the crumbs on the thighs of her jeans, and was soon carrying the cups of amber tea towards the living room, trying to balance the biscuits at the same time. With a clatter and a near miss with the tea, she set everything down on the coffee table, reaching out for Lena’s hand and tugging her forward slightly to touch her hand to the saucer so that Lena knew where it was, before she settled back onto the sofa and pulled the knitted blanket off the back, draping it over Lena’s legs.

 

            “I’m okay, Kara, you don’t need to fuss,” Lena assured her, muttering quietly with an almost shameful look on her face, “it’s just a little bruise.”

 

            “I know,” Kara earnestly replied, “but it’s a pretty shitty day outside. It’s starting to get colder. I should get started on the shutters sooner rather than later, now that all the little jobs are done.”

 

            A smile curled the corners of Lena’s lips and she raised her eyebrows imperceptibly, “the shutters?”

 

            Kara had taken to fixing leaky pipes and gutters blocked with rotting leaves, oiled creaky door hinges and changed the lightbulbs in all of the rooms, as well as changed the batteries in the fire alarms, just as a precaution. She wanted to strip the paint off the shutters and front and back doors before the weather turned even gloomier, ushering in heavy rains, so that she could repaint and varnish them again. Smiling slightly, Kara took Lena’s slender fingers in her own warm hand. “Mhm. The salt is making the paint peel. I was thinking a nice seafoam green to match the grey.”

 

            “What’s grey?”

 

            “Your house,” Kara said, a flicker of amusement in her eyes. It was strange that someone could not remember the simple fact that they were living in a grey house, because Lena had never seen the outside of her own home. “I think the colours will go nice together. It’ll match your kitchen … and your eyes.”

 

            “Aha, so that’s the real reason why, is it?” Lena asked, letting out a quick laugh.

 

            Joining in with her laughter, Kara reached over to pick up her tea and the plate of biscuits, nudging it into Lena’s hand so she could take one. Taking a smile bite, Kara smiled, “I really do love the colour of your eyes. They’re so _green_ , but they almost look the slightest bit blue at a distance. Too many colours trapped in them, like the sea.”

 

            “You’re such a romantic,” Lena teased her, some of her grumpiness dissipating, and Kara let out a bashful laugh, her cheeks turning rosy as she fiddled with her glasses. “It’s all those books you read. Filling your head with those pretty words. I like it.”

 

            “Yeah?”

 

            “Mhm. I’ve never met anyone who can describe things so vividly. Sometimes it feels like I can actually see it. It means a lot that you take the time to do that for me. Thank you.”

 

            Running her fingers over the knuckles of Lena’s left hand, Kara smiled, a warm feeling spreading throughout her and her heart skipping a beat. “Yeah, well, I think you’ve got me wrapped around your little finger, Lena Luthor. I’d describe it all a thousand times in a thousand different ways if you asked me to.”

 

            “Maybe I will.”

 

            “Please never tell Alex though, she’s already on my ass about you. And Eliza too.”

 

            Eyebrows rising slightly, Lena gave her a questioning look and Kara winced slightly, knowing she’d just opened a floodgate of questions - ones she wasn’t sure she wanted to or was able to answer. “Huh, so what’s got them so interested in me?”

 

            Scratching the back of her neck, Kara let out a nervous laugh, “just … you know, the whole _us_ thing. Eliza would like me to invite me new girlfriend over for dinner. I mean … not _girlfriend_. I’m not saying you- I meant you’re a girl who’s also a friend.”

 

            Tilting her head to the side, Lena gave her a puzzled look, “oh.”

 

 _“Oh?”_ Kara echoed.

 

            “Sorry, I just- I thought we- did we not go over this?”

 

            Blinking in surprise, Kara ran through every moment they’d shared together, especially the recent ones, trying to think of any moment where they might’ve discussed this. She would know if they’d talked about the future of … whatever they were doing. “We- we did?”

 

            “Didn’t we?” Lena asked, jerking back slightly as her green eyes widened in surprise.

 

            “Uhh, maybe?”

 

            “Oh god, have I been making assumptions this whole time? I mean, I know I can be quite forward at times, but I- _shit_ , and you haven’t even been broken up with that asshole for that long anyway. _God_ , I’m an idiot,” Lena rambled while Kara watched her with mild surprise, unused to the brunette being flustered around her. That was usually Kara’s role. The honesty was unsurprising though, even if it was just Lena thinking out loud, and Kara had to press her lips together to stop herself from laughing.

 

            Reaching over to grab Lena’s cup of tea, Kara pushed it into her hands, taking a sip of her own tea and letting the hot liquid warm her insides. By the sounds of things, she’d been so oblivious to how things were progressing between them that she hadn’t even considered the fact that they were _actually_ a couple, and the surprising news filled her with happiness at the thought. All this time, Kara had been worried that she was scaring Lena off, but in fact, she’d been drawing her in, making her feel like no one else ever had, and Kara hadn’t even known it. They’d been slowly falling into it, their hesitant kisses becoming bolder, their gentle touches becoming lingering caresses, and their days spent curled up at opposite ends of the sofa turned into nights spent with Kara cradling Lena against her chest with one hand, while the other held a book that she read aloud from. All the signs had been there, but Kara didn’t want to read too much into it. There was always the fear that it would all be too much too soon for Lena, and then there was the unspoken issue of Kara’s predicament. How long would she be staying in Midvale? It had been four months - it was a short while in terms of knowing a person - and Kara was confused as to where she belonged. Her whole life was in National City, and she hadn’t even meant to stay in Midvale for this long, she’d just kind of fallen into a rut, and didn’t know how to get herself out of it and keep the ball rolling, but she didn’t want to stay in that rut. She also didn’t want to let go of Lena. There were too many confusing strings attached to being in a relationship with someone.

 

            “Music girl, would you like to be my girlfriend?” Kara firmly asked, a smile in her unwavering voice. She pushed all of the doubts she had aside - the future was uncertain, but right now wasn’t - and she laughed when Lena burst into laughter, throwing her head back and exposing the underside of her jaw, the cowled neck of her deep blue sweater shifting slightly. Kara had to fight the urge to lean forward and place a delicate kiss to her pulse point, right near that tiny little freckle on Lena’s neck.

 

            “I think I’d like that, storyteller,” Lena told her, her cheeks slightly rosy and a spark in her eyes, “and I think I’d like dinner too.”

 

            “Dinner? Oh, with Eliza?” Kara asked, her eyes widening briefly. She hadn’t been counting on Lena agreeing to that, and she was momentarily filled with panic at the thought of bringing Lena home to meet her adoptive mother. The more reasonable part of Kara’s mind told her that Lena had already met Eliza, far before Kara even had, but meeting someone’s mother who was also your doctor presented a whole other sort of problems. Kara couldn’t imagine it would make for a great conversation topic and she quickly scrambled for anything that would help make the thought of dinner more bearable. Then she thought of Alex. “Well, uh, if you’re sure, Alex is coming up next week - just for the weekend - so maybe you could come over then?”

 

            Arching an eyebrow, Lena had a knowing look in her unfocused eyes, a wide grin stretching across her face as she raised the cup of tea to her lips. “Interesting.”

 

            “What?”

 

            “I got a phone call off Sam last night. Conveniently enough, she’s also thinking about visiting next weekend.”

 

            “Oh. _Oh_ , oh god, this is about to make for a very interesting weekend, and by interesting I mean _bad._ Perhaps you should just come over tonight so we can spare ourselves the embarrassment that I’m sure Alex will bring along with her lack of a filter.”

 

            “Kara.”

 

            “Mm?”

 

            “Drink your tea and stop worrying.”


	19. Chapter 19

            “Boo.”

 

            “You know I heard you coming, right?” Lena said, an amused smile playing on her lips as she gently tapped her cane back and forth, eyes hidden behind her dark sunglasses and a grocery bag dangling from one hand.

 

            Kara let out a light laugh, catching her breath as her jog turned into a walk,  _ “but  _ did you know it was me?”

 

            “Well … no. What’re you doing?”

 

            Squinting as she looked out at the grey sea, the sky a stormy grey with the threat of light showers close at hand, Kara burrowed her hands into the pockets of the windbreaker she was wearing, stomping her feet as she tried to dislodge the wet sand caked on her sneakers. “I was dropping my latest article off at the office. Thought I’d jog there and back to clear my mind.”

 

            “Nervous?” Lena asked. 

 

            “Wha- about tonight? Pfft,  _ no _ ,” Kara spluttered, letting out a laugh that was bordering on hysterical as her nerves betrayed her. “Of course I’m not nervous. Why, are  _ you _ scared?”

 

            “Not scared,” Lena murmured.

 

            Laughing again, Kara reached out to take the grocery bag off Lena, planting a quick kiss on her cheek, and was met with an exasperated look. “It’s not your shopping day today,” Kara observed, waiting for Lena to relinquish her hold on the bag. They’d fallen into a routine of Kara accompanying Lena to the store for her weekly shopping trip. It made it easier and quicker, and they’d stop off at a coffee shop afterwards and split a slice of pie. Kara was trying to get Lena to eat out more so they could go more places besides Lena’s house - not that she minded that though.

 

            “I was just picking up dessert to bring to yours.”

 

            “Ooo, what’d you buy?” Kara eagerly asked.

 

            “Finish your jog, Kara.”

 

            “I’d much rather walk with you.”

 

            With a small sigh, Lena gave her an amused look and let Kara take the bag off her, linking their fingers together as they walked along the path. She asked about Lena’s day and told her about hers, and the path curved as they followed the coastline, the cold making them shiver and long, coarse grass whipping at their legs as it bowed beneath the strong wind. The sea was choppy, and Kara described the view before her as they walked. She could see a few Loons perched on an outcropping of jagged rocks, their rust coloured throats vivid against the dreary landscape, while a few gulls cried out as they fought over scraps on the shore. The sun was sinking low on the horizon by the time they reached Eliza’s house, Lena having insisted on going straight there with Kara, and as Kara helped her up towards the back door, a nervous flicker of excitement in her stomach, and they paused outside for a moment. They could hear the sounds of voices coming from the kitchen, lit by yellow light, and Kara caught a glimpse of her sister’s dark hair through the window, which meant that Sam was there too.

 

            “Ready?” Kara murmured, a smile in her voice as she reached out to brush Lena’s hair out of her face.

 

            Tilting her head to the side, a thoughtful look crossed Lena’s face, and then she gave Kara a small smile, folding up her cane and hiding it down by her side. “I think so.”

 

            Nodding, Kara opened the back door, a wall of warmth hitting her as she stepped inside, capturing the attention of the three women and the young girl crowded into the kitchen, and Kara gave them all a big smile as she pulled Lena inside after her. Shutting the door, cutting off the cold air that was sneaking in after them, Kara pressed a hand against Lena’s lower back, gently guiding her forward.

 

            “You both remember Lena,” Kara said, a nervous smile on her lips as she made introductions, even though they all knew each other. As Lena greeted Eliza as someone other than her doctor, and said hello to Alex, Kara said hi to Sam, asking how she was and about the drive up, before dumping Lena’s grocery bag on the kitchen counter.

 

            Turning around, she watched Sam hug her friend and turned to face Alex, raising her eyebrows slightly. Things seemed to be moving quickly with Alex and Sam, especially if she was inviting her to dinner with Eliza, although Kara assumed that was partly because they had come up to see Lena and it would’ve been rude to abandon her for the evening. It made for an unusually packed house as everyone gathered around the kitchen table, voices mingling as they fell into conversation. Kara helped Lena out of her coat and guided her into a chair, before she excused herself and darted upstairs for the quickest shower of her life, feeling a little apprehensive about leaving Lena with her sister for too long, even though she knew Eliza would have her on her best behaviour and Sam was Lena’s closest friend and would help diffuse the situation. Hurrying back downstairs in a sweater and a pair of old jeans, Kara tried to compose herself as she walked back into the kitchen.

 

            “There was this one guy in college - I called him Shirt because he wore this red Hawaiian shirt literally every single day for no apparent reason - he was a bit strange. He had a pet ferret and was into collecting Samurai swords. By far the weirdest person she’s dated, but  _ so _ much fun to tease her about.”

 

            “Huh. So, what have you saying about  _ me?”  _ Lena asked, eyebrows raised expectantly as she smiled slightly.

 

            “Nothing too bad. I was just calling you David Bowie,” Alex admitted, and Lena let out a laugh of surprise while Eliza scolded her daughter. Crossing her arms over her chest as she lingered in the doorway, Kara gave Alex a pointed look and her sister rolled her eyes, “relax, Kara, I haven’t brought up anything embarrassing yet. Well, it’s debatable whether or not you should be embarrassed about Shirt.”

 

            Sighing, Kara walked over to the cupboard, pouring herself a glass of wine and carrying the bottle over to the table, topping off Eliza’s and Sam’s glasses before sitting down next to Lena. “His name wasn’t  _ Shirt _ ,” Kara huffed, her cheeks turning rosy, “and I can see this dinner is already off to a  _ great _ start. Thank you, Alex.”

 

            Lena leaned to the side slightly, her shoulder brushing against Kara’s, and Kara smiled down at her, taking in the humour flickering in Lena’s unfocused eyes as she smiled, “my bad. I accidentally brought up my colourful wardrobe and your black eye from last time they were in town.”

 

            Resting a hand on Lena’s knee, Kara let out a quiet laugh, her eyes crinkling at the corners, “just don’t listen to anything she says.”

 

_             “Please,  _ I came for all the gossip,” Lena laughed, “I need to find out all of the dirt on you.”

 

_             “Or  _ we could just enjoy dinner,” Kara suggested.

 

            “Kara helped me make curry,” Eliza told everyone, helping turn the topic away from her daughter’s embarrassing each other to try and cover for themselves, looking slightly amused as she climbed to her feet.

 

            The table was already set, and the smell of spices hung heavy in the air, growing stronger as a pot of bubbling Tikka Masala was taken off the stove and put into a bowl, before it was brought over to the table, placed in the middle alongside a bowl of golden saffron rice. The vivid reddish curry had turned out surprisingly well, in Kara’s opinion, and she’d spent most of the morning worrying over it, having never cooked a proper dish for Lena before. Usually they are sandwiches or ordered takeaway, and she’d wanted to make something good, but, being a bit of a terrible chef had meant that she’d enlisted Eliza’s help and gotten her mom to do most of the work. Setting a plate of naan down on the table, right next to the water jug and some samosas, Eliza sat down with a smile.

 

            “Everyone help themselve-  _ oh _ .”

 

            “Kara would you …” Lena murmured, reaching out to feel for her plate, and Kara gently took it from her, brushing her fingertips along the back of her hand and giving Eliza a soft smile, knowing that it could feel a bit uncomfortable at times to be made aware of Lena’s blindness after saying something that would cause Lena a bit of a problem to do. 

 

            To keep the conversation rolling, so it didn’t dissolve into an awkward silence as Eliza tried to compensate for her small blunder, which Kara knew her mom might think bigger than it actually was - it wasn’t like she’d offended Lena - she scooped rice onto Lena’s plate for her and then ladled some chicken curry on too. “Do you like samosas? We’ve also got naan and papadums.”

 

            “Anything’s fine,” Lena softly told her, and Kara finished plating her food up for her, before setting the plate back down in front of her.

 

            “Rice at twelve, curry at three, naan at six and samosas at nine,” Kara quietly told her, leaning down slightly as she reached out to place Lena’s hands on her cutlery and guide her to the plate. “Your water is to the right and up a little.”

 

            Nodding, Lena probed her plate with her fork, getting her bearings, and Kara picked up her own plate, catching her sister’s eye, finding a flicker of curiosity there, and then Sam’s warm gaze, the soft, knowing smile indicating that she’d had to do this a hundred times for Lena in the past. Returning the smile with a small one of her own, Kara quickly plated up her own food, listening as Alex launched into a story about a case she was working, before the conversation turned to Sam’s line of work. It wasn’t until she was biting into a samosa that Kara was struck with the realisation that she’d spoken to Sam a long time before she’d even met Lena, and she choked slightly on her mouthful, hastily gulping down some water.

 

            “So you work for Lena’s mother?” Eliza asked, well familiar with LuthorCorp’s pharmaceutical business.

 

            “Yes, I’m CFO.”

 

            Setting her glass of water down on the table with deliberate precision, Kara cleared her throat slightly, speaking to the table. “Do you remember the article I wrote a few years back about LuthorCorp? I wasn’t able to get an interview with Lillian Luthor so I had to interview the CFO instead.”

 

            “That was  _ you?” _ Sam exclaimed, an incredulous look crossing her face, before she let out a surprised laugh, “I’d completely forgotten about that! It was a scathing article. Not about me, thank God, but Lillian was livid.”

 

            “I thought it was brilliant,” Lena quietly chimed in, a small smile playing on her lips.

 

            Giving Sam a sheepish look, Kara shrugged slightly, “if it makes you feel any better, I got fired from that job for writing one too many brutally honest articles. It was nothing personal against you, of course. I hope I didn’t offend you with what I wrote.”

 

            Letting out a warm laugh, Sam shook her head, “not at all. You actually had some very valid points that I agreed with. No one else did, of course.”

 

            “Least of all my mother,” Lena butted in again.

 

            “Oof, if I’d known we all had a bit of a history, I might’ve prepared more embarrassing stories to ease the tension,” Alex lightly replied, looking amused at the fact that Kara had viciously ripped apart Lena’s family’s company, which the woman she was currently dating had been her main interviewee. Eliza was looking mildly alarmed at how dinner was progressing, and Kara sighed as she speared some chicken on her fork. Alex seemed to think it was funny.

 

            Dinner progressed without much fuss though, falling into a relaxed conversation, led by Eliza, who tried to steer it towards safe topics and get to know both of them better. It helped Kara judge her sister’s new date as well as Lena’s best friend a little better, and with more time to actually get to know Sam, as opposed to the five minute meeting last time, Kara found herself quickly warming to the other woman. The bottle of wine went down far too quickly for Kara and Alex, both of them a little nervous at bringing home their respective dates to meet Eliza, and she couldn’t stop herself from keeping one hand on Lena’s knee for most of the dinner, reassuring herself as much as Lena. In the warm kitchen, with the surprisingly good curry and the smooth conversation, Kara found it hard to be worried though, and let herself relax as they ate, aware of the fact that Lena was being quieter than she’d even seen her. She spent most of dinner eating so slowly that everyone else’s plates were empty long before hers, and she barely spoke unless spoken directly to, even as Kara tried to gently nudge her into the conversations. Trying not to think too much of Lena’s sudden shyness, Kara made an effort to fill every silence with conversation, until they were all finished and she hastily filled the dishwasher with their plates, trying to wave away Lena and Sam’s offers to help. Instead, she ushered everyone into the living room, the sound of music drifting towards her as Alex put the stereo on, and Kara lingered in the kitchen with Lena for a moment, making sure she was okay, before she helped lead her towards the living room at Lena’s insistence. Sam helped seat her down next to her on one of the sofa’s, and Kara went back into the kitchen to make everyone coffee and plate up the dessert that Lena had brought.

 

            It was a few moments later, with the coffee machine finely grinding the beans, the earthy rich smell flooding the kitchen, mingling with the smell of the citrusy cleaning spray as Kara wiped down the counters, trying to keep everything in order, that Sam slipped into the kitchen. Smiling at her, Kara washed her hands and was lining up five mismatched mugs when Sam spoke, a soft smile on her lips. “I came to see if you needed an extra pair of hands,” Sam told her, hesitating slightly before continuing, “actually, I came to tell you not to worry too much about her. Being around new people can be a little daunting for Lena. I’ve never known her to have dinner with people she hasn’t known a long time.”

 

            “I’ve never known her to be shy,” Kara said, a troubled look on her face.

 

            Sam let out a quiet laugh, taking the stack of plates Kara was holding off her and laying them all out along the surface of the counter, before asking Kara which drawer the cutlery was in. “You’ve never known her when she first meets someone she’s nervous to meet. Eating in front of people is hard, and knowing that she can’t make eye contact or read body language is hard, and sometimes she thinks it’s easier to just  _ not  _ be around new people. God knows, it took her meeting you to get her out of her shell here. She’s okay though.”

 

            Feeling a little more at ease at Sam’s reassurance, Kara gave her a grateful smile and pulled the apple pie Lena had brought out of the fridge, along with the tub of ice cream she’d brought too. Neatly cutting the pie into even slices, Kara quietly talked to Sam, finding the woman’s reassurances about things that Lena did or things that had happened in the past to be comforting. Sam probably didn’t know just how much it meant to Kara to hear that Lena hadn’t stopped talking about her after they had met a few times, or how she had reached out to Sam again after meeting Kara, realising the true worth of her friends, and made more of an effort to stay in contact with her, since her self-imposed isolation after her brother had died. She was glad that Lena wasn’t quite as lonely anymore, and that she had a friend like Sam. Sam was likewise thankful to Kara, for her company and her kindness, taking the time to mow the grass and fix the shutter that banged and the blocked gutters. Both of them cared about Lena. 

 

            “Ah,” Sam murmured, breaking Kara out of her thoughts as she stirred their coffees, giving her a slight grimace as she held up the tub of ice cream, “she brought neapolitan instead of vanilla.”

 

            “Ah,” Kara muttered, wondering if it was a mix up at the grocery store or someone else messing with Lena too. She didn’t want her to be embarrassed again. “Um, don’t tell her?”

 

            Nodding, Sam scooped vanilla ice cream out, placing it on top of a slice of pie, before she looked at Kara, an amused smile on her lips, “chocolate or strawberry? Or both?”

 

            Deliberating for a second, Kara gave her a dimpled smile, her eyes crinkling at the corners, “both.” She’d never had pie with chocolate or strawberry ice cream, but how bad could it be? It was pie.

 

            Carrying their plates and mugs back into the living room, Kara handed Lena the one with the scoop of vanilla, and Kara gave Eliza an apologetic look as she handed over the slice with a swirl of vanilla and strawberry on top, shrugging helplessly. Alex didn’t catch the pointed look off Sam when she was handed a plate with chocolate ice cream, and she gave her a puzzled look. “Chocolate ice cream with  _ apple pie?” _

 

            A mouthful of pie and vanilla ice cream already in her mouth, Lena frowned, confusion in her green eyes, and then they widened slightly as she reached out for Kara, who had sat down beside her, fumbling for her plate and stealing it. Letting out a sound of protest, Kara uselessly opened and closed her mouth as she tried to come up with something to say, watching as Lena took a bite of her ice cream. Her mistake dawned on her a moment later and her cheeks turned slightly pink. “Strawberry? What ice cream did I buy?”

 

            “Neapolitan,” Kara gently replied, “I think maybe there was a mix up at the store.”

 

            “Neapolitan is my favourite,” Alex uselessly supplied, and Kara knew that was a bold faced lie - her favourite was salted caramel - but appreciated it nonetheless.

 

            Lena didn’t say anything, she just let Kara take back her dessert and quietly ate her own, lapsing back into her silence. It was getting late by the time they called it a night, Eliza surprising Lena with a gentle hug, before Kara helped her into her coat and walked her to the front door. The stepped outside, pausing just outside the door as Lena waited for Sam to say goodbye and put her coat on. The temperature had plummeted while they’d been inside, and the wind was stronger as it buffeted the trees, the gentle hiss of sand striking the side of the white clapboard house and the booming sound of nearby waves crashing on the shore. A tender look on her face, she reached out for Lena’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, asking a silent question as they lingered outside in the cold. Shivering slightly, Kara gave Lena a searching look.

 

            Ducking her head down, Lena hunched her shoulders slightly as she spoke to the ground. “I’m sorry if- I know  _ this _ can make things awkward,” she quietly said, gesturing towards her face, and Kara made the assumption she was talking about her blindness. “I don’t want your family to feel uncomfortable about it. I know it’s not  _ easy _ .”

 

            Reaching out to pull her into a gentle hug, Kara felt herself sag slightly, feeling Lena unwind beneath her touch, and she buried her face into the side of Lena’s neck, holding her close for a few moments. She smelled like vanilla and freesia. Smiling at the comforting, familiar perfume, Kara felt a twinge of sadness inside, and her heart ached - just a little - as she pulled back. Lena was staring at her lips, her eyes unseeing and solemn, with a small crease between her eyebrows, and Kara gently cupped her face in her hands, frowning down at her. “What’re you apologising for?” Kara softly asked her.

 

            Letting out a quiet sigh, Lena shrugged, “I don’t know. I just- I wanted tonight to go perfectly, but I was just so caught up in trying to be  _ normal _ because I know that for most people, the main thing on their mind is that I’m blind. I can tell when it makes people feel uncomfortable, and I  _ know _ that’s on them, but I just didn’t … I didn’t want it to be like that with your family. So I’m sorry if I didn’t say much. I know I was shy and you’re not used to me like that, but it takes a lot for me to meet new people and I was worried-”

 

            “Lena,” Kara quietly groaned, “you don’t have to worry about them. And tonight  _ did _ go perfectly. I had a great time, and you know, maybe next time will go even better - for both of us. If Alex or Eliza made you-”

 

            “They didn’t,” Lena quickly assured her, “I just … I think I got myself a little rattled with the ice cream and-”

 

            “I love strawberry and chocolate ice cream,” Kara said, smiling as she pulled her close by the front of her coat, one hand still cupping her cheek as she rested her forehead against Lena’s, “and I love-”

 

            The door was pulled open and they both jumped apart, Kara wincing as yellow light blinded her momentarily. Alex stepped outside, and Kara was still blinking away dark spots as her Sam stepped out too, both of the seemingly oblivious to the fact that they’d just interrupted the moment they’d been having. Giving Sam a hug goodbye, Kara turned to Lena and wrapped her in another gentle hug, kissing her on the side of her head. 

 

            “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Kara murmured.

 

            “Goodnight.”

 

            Lingering on the front porch, Kara stood shoulder to shoulder with Alex, both of them watching as Sam offered Lena her arm and led her towards the car parked on the curb. Neither of them moved until the taillights disappeared from sight, and then Alex clapped Kara on the shoulder, before she turned around and walked back inside. Close behind her, Kara walked back into the house, the warmth hitting her and immediately chasing away her shivers, and she gave Eliza a tired smile as she walked into the kitchen, dropping down onto a chair. 

 

            “You okay, honey?” Eliza asked, her eyebrows rising slightly. Nodding, Kara pushed her glasses up and rubbed at her tired eyes. “Lena’s nice.”

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Kara gave Eliza a hesitant smile, “she’s not always that shy. She just … she wanted to make a good impression. I think she was nervous.”

 

            A warm look of understanding crossed Eliza’s face, and she walked over to Kara, gently rubbing her shoulder, “I like her just fine.” Smiling, Kara nodded, looking up at Alex, who hovered in the doorway. Following her line of sight, Eliza smiled at Alex. “Sam’s nice too. It’s nice to see you both happy.”

 

            “Thanks mom,” Alex said, giving her a lopsided smile as she pushed off the doorframe, uncrossing her arms, “it feels good too. I’m going to bed now. You coming, Kara?”

 

            “Sure.”

 

            Saying goodnight to Eliza, they both went upstairs to their shared bedroom, fetching their pyjamas and taking turns in the bathroom as they got ready for bed. Kara was tucked into bed, her old knitted blanket thrown over the top of her as she read in the lamplight, waiting for Alex to come back. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that her sister would want to talk, and she hoped that  _ Anne of Green Gables  _ would’ve been able to help her unwind before bed, but she was restless, a part of her itching to go for a jog, and knew that talking might help her. Maybe just a little. The first person she always talked to when something was bothering her was her sister, and when Alex slipped into the room, her eyes landing on her sister cuddled up in bed, Kara shifted into a sitting position. Watching as Alex padded across the room, the old floorboards creaking beneath her feet, Kara waited until she was in bed too, before she marked the page she was on and set her book down on the nightstand.

 

            “Hey,” Kara softly called, and Alex gave her an expectant look. “Lena being blind … it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, right?”

 

            Snorting, Alex rolled her eyes, “I like her, Kara. She’s funny and kind, and most importantly, she makes you happy. Whether or not she can see doesn’t really change that, does it?”

 

            “No.”

 

            “Sam’s told me a lot about her. I know it’s not easy for her - I know not everyone is nice to her - but I know she’s just as capable as everyone else. I’m not going to treat her differently, Kara. I know she wouldn’t want me to.”

 

            “Okay. Yeah. Good. Thank you.”

 

            “Now, about the way you look at her …”

 

            “Goodnight Alex.”


	20. Chapter 20

            A week later, Kara made a quick trip back to National City at Alex’s request, knowing that it was a compromise for missing Thanksgiving at the end of the month - Alex would be coming to Midvale, along with Sam, and this time, Ruby. Still, it had been a tradition since the girls had been in National City to have Thanksgiving there, and this was the first year Kara wouldn’t be there, which meant taking the weekend off to go to the city and get drunk and eat good food with her friends. Lena didn’t come - Kara wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea to take her to a big city when there would be too many people in the bars they’d be visiting, and too loud music - and she would’ve been lying if she said that she didn’t miss her while she was gone.

 

            Arriving back in Midvale early on Monday morning, travelling in with the thin veil of mist swept in by the sea, Kara stopped off at a cafe, picking up breakfast burritos, toasted granola and coffee for two, before she made her way towards Lena’s. Everything was muted shades of brown and grey, the damp leaves beneath her feet speaking of the wet weather they’d had over the weekend, and the choppy sea matched the stormy sky overhead. Hugging her bag to her chest, Kara followed the sandy path along the shore, breathing in the salty air tinged with the damp and rotting of the forest to her right. Bundled up in her sweater and a puffy coat, she didn’t really feel the cold, and the walk was enjoyable, reminding her of why she liked autumn so much. Burnt orange and scarlet leaves clung to the branches of trees still trying to hold onto the last few weeks of autumn, and sand crunched beneath her boots as she moved through the fog like a ghost. The turnoff to Lena’s house loomed into sight a dozen feet ahead of her, and Kara followed the paved path through the row of trees, the bare canopy overhead letting the weak sunlight shine through, and she cut across the front garden, the cloying smell of flowers following her as she walked up the front steps and knocked on the door. She’d managed to get it all painted before she’d left, along with the second-story shutters, and the seafoam green of the varnished door was pulled inwards a few moments later as she juggled the bag and tray of coffee.

 

            “Hi,” Kara softly greeted her, feeling herself unwind as she stared at Lena. She’d had a great time in National City - karaoke and baseball with her friends were always a good time - but she’d missed Lena more than she would’ve thought. 

 

            “Hi,” Lena said, a tender look crossing her face as she looked slightly past Kara. “I missed you.”

 

            Quietly laughing as Lena spoke her thoughts, Kara reached out to cup her cheek, making sure not to startle her before she placed a lingering kiss to her lips. “I missed you too,” Kara replied, “let’s go for a walk.”

 

            She stepped into the dark house and shut the door behind her, dumping her bag near the bottom of the stairs and listening to Lena move towards the row of hooks and feel for her coats. Telling her to wear a warm one, Kara waited until Lena was dressed before walking to the back door and stepping back out into the cold. The pale grey sky spoke of potential rain, but it didn’t look like they were in any imminent danger as they stood on the back porch. Waiting for Lena to lock the back door - a perfect match to the front one - Kara offered her elbow to her and guided her down the steps and across the dewy grass, cutting through the narrow thicket of trees at the back of Lena’s house. Struggling down damp sand dunes, thin blades of long grass whipping at their legs as they made their way down to an old weathered driftwood log sitting on the beach. Helping Lena down onto it, Kara sat beside her, staring out at the rolling waves crashing on the shore. 

 

            “I brought breakfast, and coffee,” Kara said, handing over one of the black coffees and fishing out a breakfast burrito, still warm from the foil it was wrapped in, unwrapping it and nudging it into Lena’s hand.

 

            Taking a grateful sip of coffee, Lena let out a grateful groan as the caffeine hit her, “oh god, I love you.” Freezing, her cheeks turned pink - not from the cold - and Lena quickly tried to backtrack, while Kara watched her get all flustered with a look of surprise. “I mean- I just meant that I-” and then she stopped, ducking her head down as she blushed, before taking a deep breath and looking in Kara’s direction, sliding her sunglasses up onto her head so Kara could see the unwavering look in her green eyes. With a small smile, Lena shrugged slightly in defeat, “actually, no. I think that I do.”

 

            That was even more surprising to Kara, and her eyebrows rose slightly, “you- you  _ do?” _

 

            “Yeah,” Lena softly murmured, a gentle smile on her face as she nodded, more to herself than to Kara, as if the true extent of her feelings were dawning on her as they spoke. “I think that … I’ve never felt like this with anyone else. I know it’s fast -  _ god, _ I know - but the other night, before Alex interrupted us, I-” exhaling slightly, Lena gave her a hesitant smile, “I thought that maybe  _ you _ were going to say it, and I know that you didn’t, and I’m not asking you to, but I realised that  _ I _ did.”

 

            “The other night?” Kara said, her eyes widening slightly as she tried to recall what they’d been talking about before Alex had opened the door. It had been the ice cream. Kara loved chocolate and strawberry ice cream. That’s what she’d said, and she had to hold back a laugh at the realisation that what she’d been about to say next was that she loved apple pie. Not that she thought the idea of loving Lena laughable; she cared about her deeply, and perhaps she  _ did _ love her, but Kara hadn’t really spent much time figuring out her feelings. “Oh.  _ Oh _ , I mean-”

 

            “No. Stop. Just … tell me when you’re ready,” Lena interrupted her, a warm look in her eyes as she gave Kara a dimpled smile.

 

            Blushing, Kara bit her lip as she tried to stop herself from smiling, clutching her coffee in one hand as she fiddled with her glasses with the other. “Thank you.”

 

            Nodding, Lena took another sip of her coffee and Kara pulled her own food out of the bag, taking a bite of her burrito as she stared out at the sea. Then she started describing the day to Lena. The colour of the sea, the number of seagulls there were, the exact shades of the leaves and the way the sun weakly tried to break through the pale sky. Huddled up next to her, Lena patiently listened, a look of content on her face, and Kara wrapped an arm around her shoulder, kissing the side of her head as she turned Lena’s words over and over in her mind.  _ I love you _ . For the most part, she was surprised that Lena had said it first, but that only made her feel warmer inside, that Lena was so open with her feelings. It had been a long while before she’d had anyone be so honest with her.

 

            Sitting on the bleached, damp log, they finished their breakfast burritos as they listened to the sea and the wind, and Kara smiled as she watched Lena’s fingers drum on the pale wood, imagining the keys of a piano as she made her own music. Setting her empty coffee cup down on the log, Kara slid off it, creating deep footprints in the damp sand as she turned to Lena, taking the cup out of her hand and setting it down beside her own, before she reached for her hand and gently pulled her to her feet. “Come on then, show we me what you’re hearing.”

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Lena was pulled into Kara’s arms, letting her hand trace its way up to her shoulder, while Kara’s found her waist beneath her quilted coat. The wind ruffled their hair, and Kara gently stroked her thumb along Lena’s as they held their hands clasped together. Moving slowly, they danced to music that only Lena could hear, and as they danced, Kara could  _ almost _ hear it too, and knew that she’d hear it on the piano later on. With Lena’s cheek resting on her shoulder, Kara closed her eyes, feeling her heart beat strongly in her chest as she held Lena close. It suddenly struck her that they might not be the only two people on the beach, and she slowly opened her eyes, finding that they were both still alone, swaying to nothing in particular, except the song that Lena had half-composed in her head. Letting out a quiet laugh, Kara’s eyes crinkled at the corners and Lena drew back slightly, a questioning look on her face.

 

            “I was just thinking that it’s a good thing we’re alone,” Kara explained, “or we’d look a bit strange, dancing on the beach.”

 

            “Well, I wouldn’t know either way, so it’s really only you who’d have to deal with the embarrassment.”

 

            “I wouldn’t be embarrassed. I’d dance with you in front of anyone.” Giving her a small smile, Lena raised her arm and Kara laughed as she ducked slightly and let herself be spun around, pulling Lena back into her arms as she came a full circle, pressing a kiss to Lena’s cheek. “But if it _was_ embarrassing, I’d still do it anyway.”

 

            Raising their joined hands, Lena brushed her lips against Kara’s knuckles and gave her a tender smile, “you’re very beautiful you know. Your heart I mean. Not that you’re not  _ beautiful _ \- I couldn’t tell you, obviously, but I think that it would shine through anyway - but you have such a big heart. So much kindness and warmth. It’s rare to see, and even rarer to have someone make you feel it. I think the day you came here was a very lucky day for me. Any other day and I might not have been on the edge of that cliff.”

 

            Letting out a breathless laugh, the wind stealing it away from her, Kara wrinkled her nose slightly, reaching up to tuck Lena’s dark hair behind one ear. “There was always the next time we bumped into each other. Outside the store.”

 

            “Ah, but if we hadn’t already met and talked, and you’d just bumped into a random blind woman on the street, would you have even looked twice at me?”

 

            “Of course,” Kara scoffed, “we’re not  _ all _ vain, and besides, I would’ve at least given you a second look for that exquisite poncho you were wearing.”

 

            Groaning, Lena tipped her head back, exposing her throat for a moment, and Kara took the opportunity to duck her head down and kiss the porcelain skin, startling Lena, who overbalanced and fell backwards, dragging Kara down with her. Wincing, Kara pushed herself up off her and gave Lena an apologetic look, fixing her lopsided sunglasses for her, before pulling her to her feet and brushing the grains of sand off her as she apologised. Brushing sand off herself, Kara wrinkled her nose at the feeling of wet sand sticking to her hands, before taking Lena’s in her own. 

 

            “Well, that’s enough dancing for this morning. How about we go back to yours and eat our muesli with a nice cup of tea?” Kara asked, giving Lena’s hand a quick squeeze.

 

            Grabbing the paper bag with the rest of their breakfast, Kara picked up their empty coffee cups and wedged them under one arm and offered her other one to Lena. Making the trip back up the beach, struggling up the sand dunes and back through the thicket of trees. Lena unlocked her back door, stepping into the dark, and Kara followed in closely behind her, shutting them in and flicking the lightswitch on. It was cold inside, with not even a sliver of weak sunlight streaming in to make a poor attempt to warm up the room, and Kara watched Lena fumble with the thermostat, a warm gush of air greeting them a few moments later. Putting the kettle on to boil, Kara pulled out two of the fine china cups and saucers and settled for plain old English breakfast tea, stirring a sugar into each one before she carried them over to the table, the rattle of the cups against the saucer seeming loud in the quiet of the room. Directing Lena to the location of the cup with the clock face tactic, Kara pulled two plastic containers out and set one down before Lena, pressing a fork into her hand as well. With the room warming up, Kara shrugged off her coat and took a seat, opening her muesli and mixing the rhubarb and yoghurt in with the oats and grains. While they finished off their breakfast, Kara told Lena everything that had happened over the weekend, filling her in on the duet she’d sung with Winn, how Alex had smashed her at pool, and she won a bet with James on which football team was going to win the match as they watched the game in a bar, eating what Kara thought was the best chicken wings in the entire city. Lena was glad that she’d had a good time, and quickly filled Kara in on her own weekend, glossing over the hours playing the piano or catching up on lost sleep.

 

            With a quick kiss and her thanks, Lena insisted on cleaning up, and then she dragged Kara upstairs with her, making her sit down beside her and raising the fallboard to expose the keys of the piano. A small smile playing on her lips - a knowing one, as if she was in on some big secret that Kara wasn’t aware of - Lena let her fingers find their way to the right keys, so sure and steady, and then she started to play. The melody started out slow and almost melancholic, a wistful sound to it that spoke of longing, an urge for something. And then it picked up, the tone of the piece shifting to something lighter, and Kara smiled as she listened, watching Lena’s fingers carefully pick out the right keys - mostly towards the higher end of the ivory keys - before the tone shifted to something else, and Lena’s fingers were seemingly all over the place as she played, a precision to her movements that had Kara in awe, just like always. It was neither happy or sad, but there was a powerful, unknown feeling in the melody that made Kara’s heart ache for some reason. And then it shifted higher again, hopeful and happy as she struck a few firm chords, and Kara looked up, staring at the soft look on Lena’s face. She looked content - happy and relaxed as she played - and Kara’s eyes prickled slightly as the song gentled, not quite reaching the melancholic start of it, but becoming more subdued, before the last few notes lingered and faded. 

 

            “That was beautiful. Thank you.”

 

            Turning to look at her, Lena’s smile grew a little bigger, “I wrote it for you. I wrote it for how you make me feel, and for before you. The sad bit. But  _ you _ … you make me feel happier than I have in a long while.”

 

            Pulse racing, Kara felt her heart melt a little, feeling warm all over at the thought of making Lena feel the way the song had made her feel. Things weren’t perfect - they never were in life - but when they were together, they could look past all of the imperfections, and just enjoy the moments of happiness and delight in the carefreeness they brought each other. Smiling, Kara kissed her on the shoulder, before resting her cheek on it, her eyes closing as she felt Lena wrap and arm around her, gently rubbing Kara’s arm. Neither of them moved for a few moments, sitting in the dimly lit room, and then Lena drew in a slow breath, immediately piquing Kara’s interest at the hesitant sound of it. Surely there wasn’t something more nerve wracking than telling someone you loved them?

 

            “Kara?” Lena murmured, and Kara sat up straight, brushing Lena’s dark hair back and running her fingers over the knitted wool of the sweater she was wearing.

 

            “Mm?”

 

            “I really missed you,” Lena said, rushing the words out along with a soft sigh, and the way she said it made Kara think that it hadn’t been what she’d been about to say. 

 

            Still, Kara didn’t pursue it, she just climbed to her feet and pulled Lena up with her, leading her over to the sofa and laying down, pulling Lena down with her. Laughing, Lena all but collapsed on top of Kara, accidentally placing a hand on her stomach and winding Kara, who groaned as she pulled Lena into a tight hug, holding her close as Lena nuzzled her face into the side of Kara’s neck, her lips gently grazing her skin and making Kara shiver slightly. Neither of them moved until lunchtime, and Kara was sure that Lena fell asleep at one point, halfway through a story she was telling in return for the song, nestled in Kara’s arms as a light rain lashed at the shutters. Kara would’ve been content to stay there forever.


	21. Chapter 21

            They were nestled into the bed of an old rusted truck hidden in the middle of the forest, a blanket wrapped around both of them and a flask of tea to share, the occasional drop of rain snaking down through the canopy as they talked in quiet voices. Kara had found it on one of her many hikes through the woods, the rusted red of the cabin peeking out through the vines and ferns trying to claim it as their own, and she’d quickly uncovered the back end of it, her hands stained orange and the metal creaking as she’d climbed into the trunk of it. It seemed like a nice quiet place to bring Lena, somewhere that wasn’t the beach or the cliffs, and Kara had eagerly helped her over tree roots and uneven forest floor, moving branches out of the way for her and holding her hand while Lena hesitantly poked around with her stick. It wasn’t a long walk, and soon enough Kara was helping boost Lena up into the bed of the truck, both of them settling against the cabin while Kara covered them with the blanket. They’d been there ever since. It wasn’t too cold, and the tea helped warm them while Kara told her stories.

 

            Screwing the lid back on the empty flask, Kara brushed a damp lock of hair out of her face. It had been drizzling all morning, the day a gloomy grey, but that hadn’t dampened her spirits at all. It was the day after Thanksgiving, and after a family dinner the day before, including Lena, Sam and Ruby, Kara had spent all morning lounging around the house, working on her novel, before Eliza packed up some leftovers and told her to take them over to Lena’s house. Alex had accompanied her and taken Sam and Ruby back to Eliza’s, leaving Kara alone with Lena. She’d popped the food in the fridge, telling Lena her one was where after she remembered the confusion of containers for Lena, and then suggested a walk. It had been a good decision, she thought, with the damp smell of the forest a comforting smell, and the howling wind rustling the tree branches a quiet song that she hoped Lena enjoyed as much as the sound of the sea. If she listened closely enough, the booming sound of waves crashing against the bottom of the nearby cliffs was  _ just _ audible.

 

            “We should probably go soon,” Kara murmured, cupping Lena’s head slightly and kissing her on the temple.

 

            “Mm, in a minute,” Lena quietly sighed, burying her face in Kara’s shoulder, her dark hair spilling around her shoulders.

 

            Quietly laughing, Kara ran her fingers through the dark locks, feeling warm inside as she gazed down at Lena. A small jolt ran through her as her pulse started racing, and Kara knew that it was because she was trying to bolster her courage to broach a topic with Lena. It was something she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since Lena had said she loved Kara. It had changed nothing, in terms of the dynamics of their relationship, and if anything, it made Kara feel even closer to her, but she’d spent hours toying with the idea of saying it back to Lena. The only thing holding her back was her situation. 

 

            “Hey, can we talk about something?” Kara asked, an involuntary shiver running through her at a cold gust of wind that swept through the trees.

 

            Lifting her head off Kara’s shoulder, Lena turned in her direction, a soft smile playing on her lips. “Of course.”

 

            “I was just- I’ve been thinking. About us. I was thinking about what happens next.”

 

            “Next?”

 

            “Yes,” Kara quietly said, “I just- I’ve got a whole life back in National City. And going back and forth every few weeks is  _ fine _ , but … I miss it there. But I like it here. I like it here with  _ you _ , and this place is starting to feel like home again. But my job-”

 

            “It’s not enough,” Lena said, one side of her mouth curling up into a smile.

 

            Kara closed her eyes, tipping her head back slightly as she sighed, a small ache in her chest. “No. I don’t know. I think that it  _ could _ be, but I’m not sure if I  _ want _ it to be. Spending a whole week writing one article … it’s not the career I wanted for myself. I don't _feel_ like a journalist. This isn't why I wanted to write. And my novel ...”

 

            Quietly laughing, Lena gently nudged her with her shoulder, “it’s okay, Kara, I told you that you were made for more than a small town like this.”

 

            “But I don’t want to  _ leave.” _

 

            “I know, so why should we worry about it before you decide what you really want?”

 

            A pained look crossed Kara’s face, and she wasn’t sure what she’d been waiting for - maybe she’d wanted Lena to reassure her that nothing would change, or ask her to stay, or maybe even offer to go with her - but she felt her heart ache a little. Lena said she loved her, but she didn’t seem troubled at all by the thought of Kara moving back to National City, or what that could mean for them. “We should worry,” Kara slowly said, choosing her words carefully, “because I love you too.”

 

            There was a slight pause, and she knew Lena’s eyes were wide behind the lenses of her sunglasses, the surprise of the admission etched onto her face as her eyebrows rose and her lips parted. “Oh. Oh, okay. Ah, right, yes that is- that’s a bit worrying. I thought it was just  _ me _ , and-”

 

            Letting out a breathless laugh, Kara cupped her cheek with a cold hand, running a thumb across her cheekbone, giving her a tense smile. “It’s not just you. I just didn’t want to tell you without you knowing that I don’t know what I want yet. Well, I want  _ you _ , and I know that much.”

 

            Leaning forward, Lena ran her fingers over Kara’s face, helping guide her towards her lips, and she gently kissed her, smiling into it, and Kara slowly kissed her back, her fingers threading through her dark hair. Another gust of wind and a few raindrops shaken from the branches above them made them shiver, pulling apart as they quietly laughed, their foreheads resting against each other’s and their noses gently bumping. “That’s enough for me,” Lena assured her, “it’s enough to know that you care about me as much as I care about you. The rest will figure itself out. I guess it’s true what they say though; love is blind.”

 

            She couldn’t stop the laugh that slipped out at Lena’s joke, gently pressing three quick kisses to her cold lips, “don’t worry, I see you for who you really are.”

 

            “Well I  _ definitely _ didn’t see you coming.”

 

            “Neither did I,” Kara murmured.

 

            “You know what I can see coming right now?” Lena asked, her tone lighter as she pulled back. “A nice fire and some leftover food from yesterday.”

 

            Kara laughed, readily agreeing to that plan, and she quickly bundled up the blanket and grabbed the flask, pulling Lena to her feet and stealing a quick kiss before she led her over to the side of the truck bed. Jumping out of it, twigs snapping and leaves crunching beneath her feet, Kara set the blanket and thermos on the ground, reaching up for Lena, who blindly held her arms out. Kara guided Lena’s hands onto her shoulders, bracing the other girl against her, and carefully lifted her out of the truck, balancing her as she landed on the ground. Picking up the blanket and thermos again, Kara offered Lena her arm, frowning up at the grey patches of sky visible through the bare canopy of the malting trees, flinching when raindrops splattered her face. 

 

            “Looks like it’s about to pour down,” Kara said, her blue eyes looking stormy at the prospect of being caught in the rain.

 

            They moved as quick as they could through the forest, the sound of slow drips of water becoming more rapid, and the sounds of disgruntled birds chirping in hidden nests. By the time they broke through the treeline, the sound of the sea drowned out the gentle patter of the rain, but their clothes were already marked with dark spots. The sea was a deep grey, the sky the colour of steel and quickly darkening as dusk approached, the waves rough and unrelenting on the rocks below and Kara guided Lena along the familiar coastal path, her footsteps patiently slow so that Lena could be sure of her steps, and in their slow progress past the middle of town and back towards Lena’s house, the heavens opened. Rain lashed at them and they were both left gasping and spluttering at the shock of cold, fat drops of water soaking through their pants and rolling down their coats, their hair plastered to their face and a chill seeping into their bones. Urging them on as quickly as she dared to, Kara towed Lena along with her, both of them breathless as they laughed. 

 

            By the time they made it back to Lena’s house, they were both soaked and freezing cold, shivering as they stepped into the dark house, and Kara flipped the hallway light on, bathing them in a yellow light. Raising Lena’s trembling hands to her mouth, Kara blew on them, kissing her knuckles and trying to rub some warmth back into them, her own teeth chattering as they dripped onto the wooden floor.

 

            “I’ll run you a hot bath,” Kara said, kicking off her shoes and hanging up her coat. Leaving Lena to do the same, Kara quickly jogged upstairs and stepped into the cold bathroom, her wet socks sliding on the tiled floor, and she put the plug in, running hot water and adding bubble bath, until the water was almost scalding, foaming as it filled. Turning on the cold water, she turned and went in search of Lena, who was carefully plodding up the stairs, swearing under her breath as her wet clothes clung to her and her soaked socks slipped on the stairs.

 

            An amused smile on her lips as she stood at the top of the staircase, Kara knew better than to rush to her aid without asking, and she slowly started walking down to meet her. “Need some help?”

 

            “God, I feel like Bambi,” Lena muttered, reaching a hand out for Kara, who gently took it, standing a step above her and helping balance Lena as she pulled her socks off and made her way up the rest of the steps.

 

            The bathroom was steaming up when Lena helped herself inside, the mirror foggy and the air almost humid as the frigid cold was chased away. An mass of bubbles was rising in the claw footed porcelain tub, and Kara hovered slightly in the doorway. “I’ll leave you to it,” she murmured, watching Lena reach for towels with ease. 

 

            She knew where everything was in here with perfect clarity, and as she placed some of her vanilla soap on the tiny table beside the bath, it was hard to imagine that she couldn’t see. But then she turned to face Kara, an amused smile on her lips and a glimmer in her eyes, which weren’t quite focused on Kara, and she slowly walked across the tiled floor, making sure she didn’t slip as she made her way towards Kara. Lena pulled up short a foot away from her, almost as if she could sense where Kara was, and stared at her chin, reaching out to grab a handful of Kara’s sodden sweater. Her lips were cool against Kara’s wet cheek, and her breath tickled her neck, making her shiver slightly, and not with cold this time.

 

            “Get in the bath, Kara.”

 

            “No, no, you can go in first. I’ll have a quick shower afterwards.”

 

            Lena let out a snort of laughter, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she arched an eyebrow, “I didn’t say I  _ wasn’t _ getting in.”

 

            Blinking in surprise, although at this point she shouldn’t be surprised by Lena’s forwardness, Kara let out a nervous laugh, her cheeks turning bright red. “Oh.  _ Oh, _ um, okay.”

 

            “Are you  _ sure _ _?_ You don’t have to.”

 

            Taking hold of Lena’s wrist, Kara guided her hand up, bringing her damp sweater with it, and once she’d got the gist of it, Lena tugged the rest of it up, until Kara pulled her arms and head through and let it fall to the floor. Lena’s hands gently ran down the front of her shirt and Kara undid the buttons with clumsy fingers, the cold making her hands tremble too much - or that might’ve been the nerves - before she dropped her shirt to the floor as well, quickly followed by the rest of her clothes. Her skin prickled with goosebumps in the cool bathroom, and she took off her glasses, squinting slightly as everything blurred. Lena was still undressing herself, neatly folding all of her clothes and setting them on the counter so she could find them later, and Kara felt herself blush again.

 

            “Are you going to get in?” Lena asked, setting a pair of wet jeans on top of the thick sweater.

 

            Walking over to her, Kara reached out and gently touched her back, her fingertips brushing over the bumps of her spine, and she smiled slightly as Lena jumped at the contact. “I was waiting for you.”

 

            Turning around, Lena reached out and touched Kara’s bare shoulder, her eyebrows rising imperceptibly in surprise, and her hand slowly drifted up the side of Kara’s neck and up to her cold cheek. Brushing wet hair out of her face for her, Lena let out a quick laugh, a bemused look crossing her face. “You’re not wearing your glasses.”

 

            “They fog up in the steam,” Kara replied, softly clearing her throat as she tried to keep her voice even.

 

            “Are you okay?”

 

            “Mhm.”

 

            “You sound nervous.”

 

            “I’ve had baths before.”

 

            Bursting into laughter, Lena stole a quick kiss and gave Kara a gentle push in the direction of the bath, and Kara couldn’t help but laugh as well, some of the tension seeming to fade at her attempt to make the situation less nerve wracking. Slipping into the tub, Kara let the hot water warm her, feeling the stiffness leave her muscles as she drifted in the water. A splash a moment later made her jerk her head out of the water, and she wiped water out of her eyes as she watched a pale leg step into the bath, followed by the rest of Lena quickly slipping beneath the bubbles.

 

            Hugging her knees to her chest, Kara rested her chin on top, and smiled at Lena, who had her head tilted back, resting it against the rim of the tub. It was quite a large tub, which meant that they both squeezed in easily enough, both of them quiet as they let themselves warm up. It was a few moments of silence before Lena leant over the side of the bath, suds from the bubble bath clinging to her skin, and she picked up the bar of soap, staring just past Kara’s right shoulder as she settled back down against the back of the bath. 

 

            “Here,” she gently said, handing the soap over to Kara, who smiled at the familiar perfume of it, so comforting to her after hours spent so close to Lena. Reaching out for Lena’s hand, Kara gave her a gentle pull, and Lena came willingly, letting Kara hesitantly reach out, her hands gentle as she scrubbed her clean with the bar of soap, before she let Lena do the same.

 

            It was strange for Kara, being so intimate with someone in such a simple way, yet a way she’d never been with someone else before. With each careful circular motion of soap rubbed onto her back, Lena punctuated her shoulders, the back of her neck, her shoulder blades and everywhere soap-free with little kisses, sometimes making Kara squirm as they tickled. The feeling of Lena’s gentle searching hands was so soothing and comforting that Kara could’ve stayed in the bath all evening, but the water started cooling as they lingered, the bubbles all but disappearing and the water turning opaque with pearly soap. Afterwards, Kara climbed out and wrapped a fluffy towel around herself, before she grabbed one for Lena and walked over to the bath, dropping down to a crouch beside the tub and caressing the side of Lena’s face. She watched as her expression softened, a fleeting smile crossing her features, and Kara felt her heart melt slightly at the tender look, leaning forward to kiss her. She couldn’t help but marvel at the feeling of being free to kiss someone who loved her, wholly and completely, sharing every part of each other as they shared gentle touches and soft words, breathing colour back into the ordinary parts of their days. It was something she’d taken for granted in the past, and it hadn’t been until she’d met Lena that she’d started to cherish the way it felt to do simple things with someone you cared about. And that caring had turned into love in the most natural of ways, with no rush - although it had been quick to develop - and no pressure to be anything but themselves.

 

            “Do you want to get out now?” Kara murmured, her nose bumping against Lena’s as she kissed the corner of her mouth, feeling Lena smile beneath her lips. Damp strands of dark hair were plastered to her skin in whorls and curls, and Kara tenderly brushed each one back.

 

            “Mhm,” Lena mumbled, her lips finding Kara’s again for just a moment, before she stood up. Bringing up the towel, Kara wrapped it around Lena’s shoulders and then gripped her elbows, helping guide her out of the tub, and Lena grabbed the white silk robe hanging on the back of the door.

 

            Hesitating, Kara opened and closed her mouth a few times, before tentatively clearing her throat. “Are we- are we getting dressed?”

 

            An amused look on her face, Lena arched an eyebrow at her, “I don’t know,  _ are _ we?”

 

            Feeling her face flush, Kara let out a shy laugh, “I’m going to make us some hot chocolate and heat up some leftovers. Shall I … bring it up to your room?”

 

            “If you’d like.” A slight smirk curling her lips, Lena tilted her head to the side, a look of mirth in her green eyes. 

 

            Pressing her lips together, Kara gave her an exasperated look and decided to pluck up the courage and decide for herself. “I would. I’ll be back soon.”

 

            She stole the robe off her and slipped it on, the material sliding against her bare skin, and she left Lena making a small sound of protest at being left in a towel in the bathroom, padding barefoot down the stairs, the steps creaking beneath each hurried footstep. Putting the tupperware containers in the microwave, Kara fiddled with the expensive coffee machine, warming up milk and stirring in chocolate powder, before she added some sugar for good measure. Carrying those upstairs, she found Lena wearing a fluffy black robe, lounging in the middle of her bed as she tapped out a pattern on top of the silk sheets. She turned at the sound of Kara’s approach, smiling slightly, and Kara handed her a mug and set the other one down on the nightstand, before she disappeared back downstairs and returned with two plates piled high with the food Eliza had sent over. They listened to classical music while they ate, and once their plates and cups were empty Kara took them downstairs, dumping them in the sink and quickly making her way back upstairs. Kicking the bedroom door shut behind her and switching off the light, she was soon wrapped up in Lena’s arms, slowly kissing her and feeling her heart racing in her chest.

 

\---

 

            “What the-” Kara breathlessly exclaimed, the blankets twisting around her legs as she blearily looked around for the sound of the loud robotic voice that just tore her out of her deep sleep.

 

            Lena grumbled beside her, struggling upright and fumbling for her phone on the nightstand as the alarm blared, a disembodied voice telling her the time and date. In the darkness of the room, Kara rubbed at her tired eyes, yawning as she was struck with the realisation that she was in Lena’s bed. Stretching like a cat, she mumbled a good morning, reaching out for Lena, who buried her face back into the pillows, and pressed a gentle kiss to her bare shoulder. The sheets slid against her skin as Lena stole them and Kara laughed, brushing dark hair out of Lena’s face so she could kiss her cheek. With the promise of returning with fresh coffee, Kara slid out of bed and found one of their abandoned robes, slipping it on and stepping out into the hallway, Kara made her way downstairs, the house surprisingly warm despite the early hour of the morning and the lateness of the year.

 

            “Good morning.”

 

            “Sh- shoot,” Kara yelped, taking in the sight of Sam leaning against the kitchen counters, a steaming cup of coffee in hand, and quickly looking around for Ruby. She'd managed to cover up her swearing, but it didn't look like she was around anyhow. Running a hand through her wild hair, Kara felt her cheeks warm and quickly ducked her head down as she fiddled with her glasses, holding a hand to the place where the robe crossed over, making sure it was staying closed. “Sam. Hi. You, uh, you startled me.”

 

            Laughing, Sam gave her an amused look, “I figured. The coffee’s fresh. Might want to sneak some up to her if you want her to get out of bed anytime soon.”

 

            “Right. Thank you,” Kara muttered, tucking her hair behind an ear as she made for the cupboard with the mugs and pulled two out. “So, uh, where’s Ruby? Is she still in bed or ...”

 

            “Playing soccer in the yard,” Sam said, giving her a warm smile.

 

            Nodding, Kara gestured with the coffee pot, “would you like a refill?”

 

            “I’m good, but thank you.”

 

            “Oh, okay, well I’m just … going to run this up to her.”

 

            Picking up both cups of coffee, Kara hurried out of the room, feeling mortified as she raced up the stairs, quickly shutting Lena’s bedroom door behind herself and falling back against it, carefully holding both cups aloft. She heard the sound of rustling sheets and looked towards the bed, barely able to make out the shadowy figure of Lena, just a few shades darker than the rest of the room.

 

            “You okay?” Lena asked, her voice low and sleepy.

 

            Choking on a laugh, Kara crossed over to the bed, the mattress sinking beneath her weight, and she set on cup down on the nightstand near her, reaching out for Lena’s hand and pressing the other one into her. “Coffee. And yeah, just peachy. Nice awkward conversation with Sam after she scared the shit out of me, but besides that, I’m feeling very good.”

 

            Laughing, Lena took a sip of coffee, humming in appreciation of the caffeine, and settled back against her pillows. “Sorry, you were already asleep when Alex dropped her off last night. I didn't know whether you wanted me to wake you up or not. Alex sounded very ... gleeful. Thought you might want another night of peace before she hounds you for details. And maybe I was being a _little_ selfish and wanted to wake up next to you for once.”

 

            “Oh God,  _ Alex.  _ I don’t even _want_ to see her; she’s going to be so smug. I know we tell each other everything, but _God_ , that's a conversation I could do with out.”

 

            “Well, there’s no rush to leave,” Lena murmured, reaching out for her and picking up her hand. Her lips were a gentle brush against Kara’s knuckles, making her smile at the sweet gesture. “First, let’s have some breakfast.”


	22. Chapter 22

            “Well well well, what time do you call this?” Alex said when Kara stepped into the warmth of the house, shedding her raincoat and kicking off her sandy boots.

 

            Kara felt her cheeks turn red immediately and she sighed as she glanced down the hallway, taking in the sight of Alex leaning back in a chair, looking right at her with raised eyebrows. She looked far too smug for Kara’s liking, and she was debating whether or not she could sneak upstairs and change her clothes before Alex started bombarding her with questions, with no such luck.

 

            “So,” Alex said, “you stayed over.”

 

            Closing her eyes as she smiled, slowly wandering towards the kitchen, Kara ducked her head down and rubbed the back of her neck, feeling a little flustered. “I did.”

 

            “And?”

 

            “I love her,” Kara admitted, finding it surprisingly easy to tell Alex the truth about her feelings. 

 

_             “That  _ good, huh?” 

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Kara shrugged, shyly ducking her head down as she reached the doorway. Peeking up at her sister, she rolled her eyes at Alex’s raised eyebrows and gave her a pointed look, stepping into the kitchen. “Whatever did, or  _ didn’t, _ happen is between me and Lena, and you-” Kara said, stopping to kiss her sister on the top of her head, “should worry about your own girlfriend.”

 

            Alex scoffed, pursing her lips slightly as she watched Kara pour herself some orange juice. “Well you’re in an awfully good mood either way, which is nice to see. But I guess you moving back home is out of the question then?”

 

            Pressing her lips together in a grim line, Kara walked over to the table and dropped down into a seat, giving Alex an uncertain look as she fiddled with her glass of orange juice. She wasn’t even sure herself, and she thought that perhaps her sister might have some good advice for her. Alex always knew what to do. “I don’t know. We haven’t really talked about it. We tried yesterday, but we just- things are  _ good _ right now. I don’t want to mess it up by coming on too strong. I can’t exactly ask her to move there with me after a couple of months of dating. And I know that Lena wouldn’t ask me to stay either.”

 

            Giving her a sympathetic look, Alex reached out and gave her arm a quick squeeze, “well at least you’re being cautious this time.”

 

            Groaning, Kara tipped her head back, closing her eyes as she thought about Mike. “Ugh,  _ please _ don’t remind me. It’s different this time though! It all feels … different. I don’t feel like I’m rushing anything, or that she doesn’t  _ care _ . I feel like- I can’t even describe it.”

 

            “You feel like the sun is around you at all times, even when you can’t see it or feel it. She makes you feel warm and  _ safe _ , and she learns things about you - not to judge you, but to learn how you need to be loved - and just  _ laughing _ with her is just- it’s one of the best feelings. I know. I know  _ exactly _ how you feel,” Alex softly murmured, a lost look in her eyes.

 

            Kara’s heart ached for her sister, and she reached out to take her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry.”

 

            “It’s okay; I made my decision. I feel comfortable with it now though, like I’m exactly where I should be. I think staying with her … I wouldn’t have felt content after a while. Now, I’ve accepted that I made the right decision, and it doesn’t matter if I still want her sometimes, because I know that at least I’ve been honest with myself. But you … you should enjoy the feeling, because it’s happening.”

 

            “So you think I should stay?”

 

            “I think … you should do what makes you happy, Kara. No one else can tell you what makes you happy - only you can decide that. I’ll still miss you if you stay, but at least I’ll know that you’ve got someone taking care of you.”

 

            “I applied for another job back home,” Kara quietly admitted, “I don’t know if I’ll get it, or if I’ll take it, but I thought it was worth a shot.”

 

            Alex gave her an encouraging smile, knowing that each rejection was a blow to Kara’s pride, and that working at the local newspaper wasn’t exactly her dream job. It was all well and good to report the truth, until they didn’t want the truth reported and made it impossible for her to ever do it again. The need to report was just so strong sometimes though, and even though she was tirelessly working on her book in all of her free time, it was never quite the same. Writing about the Thanksgiving parade in town wasn’t the hard-hitting journalism she craved, but it was enough to curb her need to report - barely - and she knew deep down that she wouldn’t be content with that job for too long. She’d keep it because at least it was some sort of journalism, and at least it was a job, but Kara knew that it wasn’t the career she’d envisioned for herself. Maybe one day she’d finish writing her book and get it published, and maybe then she’d feel like she’d achieved something with her writing. For now, she had a long way to go though, and as she sipped her orange juice, the warmth of the kitchen making her feel content for now, she knew that she wasn’t going anywhere for the time being. It made her sad to think about missing Alex though.

 

            “And what about you and Sam?” Kara ventured, a curious look on her face.

 

            “She’s nice,” Alex said, a soft smile playing on her lips, “she’s kind and funny and smart. She’s a great mom and so good at her job. Things are obviously moving quickly, but she has a kid and I was engaged, and we both know what we’re looking for so it’s … it’s good. I really like her.”

 

            “But you don’t love her yet.”

 

            Alex let out a nervous laugh, nervously tucking her short hair behind her ear, “that came back to bite me on the ass last time, so we’re taking it slow there. I think … maybe I’m already half in love with her, but we’re still getting to know each other, you know. We weren’t really friends first, like you and Lena. We kind of just … fell into bed. Which is great, but I like  _ her _ too, so I  _ want _ to get to know her. But yeah, nothing’s … nothing’s set, but we’re good. I’m good. I feel happier than I have in a long time. It feels like this weight is just  _ gone _ .”

 

            Knowing that feeling all too well, Kara nodded, giving Alex a soft smile as she watched her sister nervously fiddle with the cup of coffee in her hands. To know that her sister was finally mending her heart was an encouraging thought for Kara, because if Alex - painfully stubborn and highly emotional Alex - was able to move on because Kara had moved to Midvale and bumped into a stranger, then Kara had made the right decision, regardless of her own feelings. To know her sister was happy, and not wallowing in her misery in a bar like she had been for the first few weeks, was a weight off Kara’s shoulders too. Alex thought she didn’t have to worry about Kara, with her in Midvale with Eliza and Lena, but Kara felt somewhat relieved that she had someone to care for her in National City too, outside of their friends. 

 

\---

 

            For the rest of the morning, she spent time with Alex, both of them watching TV and chatting about things they forgot to tell each other on the phone, laughing as they swapped stories, drinking coffee as they bundled up beneath heavy blankets in their sweatpants. She always forgot how much she missed those sisterly moments, until they were together again and everything felt better. They didn’t move until lunchtime, when they walked into town together, the bracing wind of the early December weather chilling them as the cloudy sky blocked out the sun. Still, it was an enjoyable walk, and they squeezed into a booth in their favourite diner, making small talk with the waitress they’d known for half of their lives as they ate stacks of pancakes, before hitting up the library so Kara could check out a few more books. They got a call off Sam while they were out, inviting them over to Lena’s for dinner, and Kara made one more stop off in town before they started heading back. The light was already fading from the day as they followed the path along the beach, and they went straight to Lena’s instead of going home.

 

            It was Sam who opened the door, greeting Kara warmly as she ushered them both inside, a smile on her face that made Kara feel embarrassed at the memory of coming downstairs that morning to find her waiting in the kitchen. It wasn’t a teasing smile though, but a genuinely warm one, because Sam liked Kara, and more importantly, Lena loved Kara, and there was the unspoken gratitude towards her girlfriend’s younger sister hidden in Sam’s smile. Especially when she saw the flowers Kara clutched in one hand. “She’s upstairs.”

 

            “Piano room?” Kara guessed, her eyes crinkling slightly when Sam rolled her eyes. She kicked off her shoes, taking the steps two at a time as she made her way upstairs to Lena, hearing the disjointed sounds of a piano as she neared the door to the room. Knocking gently, Kara opened the door and poked her head in, smiling when she saw Ruby sitting beside Lena on the small bench, watching as the young girl clumsily played the same notes that Lena showed her. Cutting off, they both turned as she stepped into the room, and Kara gave Ruby a bright smile. “Getting some lessons, huh?”

 

            “I’m not very good,” Ruby grimaced, and Lena laughed, reaching out and placing her hand on the girls back, giving her a reassuring pat.

 

            “Keep at it and you’ll be as good as me in no time,” Lena encouragingly told her, and Ruby rolled her eyes at Kara, shaking her head in disbelief at the obvious lie. Biting back a smile, Kara watched as the girl stood up and made for the door, leaving Kara alone with Lena in the warm room. Walking over to the bench, Kara dropped down beside her, straddling it as she faced Lena with a smile on her face. “Flowers,” Lena murmured, turning to blindly look at Kara with a mild look of surprise in her eyes.

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh, Kara set the books she was still carrying down on the floor, before she reached out for Lena’s hand and pressed the bouquet into them, leaning in to give her a lingering kiss. “Flowers,” she said in agreement, the floral perfume of them surrounding them in a sweet cloud.

 

            Hesitating slightly, Lena gave her an odd look, the hint of an amused smile curling the corners of her lips. “Are they like … congratulations on the sex flowers or …”

 

            Bursting into laughter, Kara felt her cheeks redden as she ducked her head down, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she shook her head. Looking back up, she took in the dimpled smile on Lena’s face as she tried not to laugh, and reached out to cup her face in her hands. “I was thinking it was more of an ‘I love you’ kind of flowers. Look,” Kara said, reaching out for one of Lena’s hands and guiding it towards one of the butter yellow flowers. “A sunflower. They mean happiness and adoration and loyalty. They’re happy flowers. And here,” she guided Lena’s hand to a deep red rose, smiling slightly as she watched her caress the petals, “a rose. A red rose. Love, passion and devotion.”

 

            “Thank you,” Lena said, her voice low as she reached out to fumble for Kara’s cheek, her fingers hesitant and searching. Catching her hand in her own, Kara pressed a kiss to Lena’s palm, before pressing it against her cheek, watching Lena’s expression soften, her sea green eyes swimming with love, “it’s beautiful.”

 

            “So are you,” Kara reminded her, leaning forward to kiss her on the tip of her nose while Lena laughed, the sound full of pure delight and happiness, filling Kara with a lightness as she recalled Alex’s words; there  _ was _ no better feeling than just simply laughing with Lena, and even inside, with the shuttered windows and the fading daylight, she  _ did _ feel the sun. 

 

            “You know, everyone always  _ says _ you’re this amazing piano prodigy, but I haven’t actually heard you play before,” Alex said from the doorway, interrupting them as she goaded Lena, a smile on her face as she leant against the doorframe. “Are they all talk or are you as good as they say?”

 

            “Better,” Lena cockily replied, not sounding the least bit startled by Alex’s sudden appearance as she turned to stare in the general vicinity of the door. Biting back a laugh, Kara smiled as the thought of Lena’s pride being insulted made her girlfriend quickly rise to the challenge to prove herself. 

 

            Sitting up slightly, still straddling the bench, Kara looked at Lena with an expectant look on her face as she watched Lena lift the fallboard and reveal the ivory keys. From where she was sitting, she was looking at her from the side, taking in the ramrod straight posture and the way her hands were splayed over the keys. And then she started playing, the first low notes of the piece filling the room, and Kara smiled at the softness of the unfamiliar piece. It was beautiful and gentle, and Lena’s fingers were slow and sure, no rushing and nothing too flashy to show off for Alex, which mildly surprised Kara, but it was perfect and sweet, and Kara felt like she could’ve listened to her play that song all day. It finished far too soon for her liking, and she watched as Lena’s fingers played the last soft note, lingering on the keys as the sound faded out. Her dark hair hid her face, and Kara felt a rush of love towards her.

 

            Looking o ver at Alex, and noticing that Sam lingered behind her, she raised her eyebrows in a silent question, and her sister gave her a surprised look. “Did you write that yourself?”

 

            “Yes,” Lena said from where she sat at the piano.

 

            “Huh. Well, I guess you’re not all talk,” Alex replied, looking over her shoulder at Sam, who just shrugged as she gave her a proud smile. With the quiet reminder that dinner was almost ready, they disappeared from the doorway, leaving Kara alone with Lena once more with the gentle sound of the door clicking closed.

 

            Kara climbed to her feet and walked behind Lena, her hand gentle as it slid up her arm and across her shoulder as she stared down at the woman sitting still beneath her touch. Wrapping her arms around Lena’s neck, Kara hugged her from behind, her chin resting on Lena’s shoulder as she watched her cover the keys with the fallboard. “I’ve never heard that one before. Is it new?”

 

            “Mhm. I finished it last night, while you were sleeping.”

 

            “What’s it called?”

 

            “For Storyteller,” Lena quietly told her, and Kara felt a twinge in her heart, her expression softening as she pulled back slightly to look down at the dark curtain of hair hiding Lena’s face from her. Reaching out to brush Lena’s hair out of her face, Kara gently caressed her cheek, smiling when Lena leant into her touch, covering her hand with her own warm one. 

 

            Smiling, Kara’s gaze softened as she smiled slightly, a warm feeling in her chest as she realised that the slow, gentle surety of the song was more deliberate than she’d thought. “It’s beautiful. Thank you, music girl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> btw the song is called for stormboy by rhiannon bannenberg if anyone would like to listen to it


	23. Chapter 23

            The sun was just starting to rise as Kara jogged back towards her house, the straggly clouds bathed a soft salmon colour by the first orange rays of light on the horizon. It had been raining during the night, and the streets shone under the yellow glow of the streetlights that hadn’t been switched off yet, and the smell of smoke was strong in the air as she passed by a house with a warm glow in the kitchen and thin white wisps snaking out of the chimney. Eliza was making her way downstairs when Kara stepped inside, unzipping her raincoat spattered with water droplets and unlacing her sneakers, and she smiled at her adoptive mother as she shivered slightly. Following Eliza down the hallway, Kara complained about the cold weather as she poured herself a glass of water and watched Eliza put on a pot of coffee, the kitchen filling with the rich smell as her mom pottered around the kitchen. The sound of her phone vibrating jerked her out of her idle thoughts, and Kara frowned slightly at the unknown number lighting up her screen, before answering it.

 

_             “Hey Kara, it’s Sam. I got your number off Alex, I hope that’s okay. Sorry, I know it’s a bit early, but Alex said you’re always up early anyway.” _

 

            Eyebrows rising slightly in surprise, Kara leant back against the kitchen counters, her glass of water in hand as she stared out the window. “Oh, Sam! Hey, yeah that’s fine. What can I do for you?”

 

_             “I just … I don’t know if Lena told you, but her brother- today’s his birthday,”  _ Sam hesitantly explained.

 

            Feeling her heart twinge slightly, Kara set her water down and pressed her lips into a grim line, a knot of worry growing in her stomach, “oh … I didn’t know.”

 

_             “Yeah, well I just wanted to ask you if you could keep an eye on her today. For me.” _

 

            “Of course,” Kara murmured, “I was planning on going over later anyway, but I’ll head over as soon as I’m ready.”

 

_             “Can you do me a favour and not tell her I told you? You know how she gets when she thinks people are pitying her,”  _ Sam asked.

 

            Kara quietly laughed, a small smile curling her lips as she thought about Lena. “Yeah, no problem.”

 

_             “Thank you,”  _ Sam said, sounding relieved,  _ “I know you’d do it anyway, because you care about her, but I really do appreciate it. I’ll, uh, leave you to it then.” _

 

            “Bye Sam.”

 

            Hanging up, Kara pursed her lips slightly as she stared down at the black screen, jumping slightly in surprise when a cup of hot coffee was pressed into her hands. Looking up, Kara’s worried expression softened at the questioning concerned look on Eliza’s face, and Kara murmured her thanks as she took the coffee and sat down at the table. Explaining the whole situation with Lena’s brother, Kara sipped her coffee and brooded, thinking about how she could try and make Lena feel better without being too overbearing, and Eliza quickly set about pouring some of the soup she’d made the day before into a container for her to take over to Lena’s with her. 

 

            Kara was still making her way through a few slices of raisin toast, her wet hair up in a towel and a book open before her, when Eliza left for work, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze on her way out of the door. Calling goodbye over her shoulder, just before the door shut behind her mom, Kara finished off her last bite of toast and dusted the crumbs off her fingertips. Half an hour later she had her satchel and the soup in the basket on the front of her bike, her puffy coat on to ward off the lightly spitting rain and she was pedaling down the slick road, frustratedly wiping at the lenses of her glasses every few moments as she made her way towards Lena’s house. 

 

            Wheeling her bike up the front path of the grey house situated by the sea, Kara leant her bike against the side of the house and picked up her bag and the soup, before walking up the front porch steps and gently knocking on the door. It was a few moments before the sound of the chain being drawn across reached her ears, and then Lena opened the door, looking small as she hid behind it, leaving space for Kara to squeeze past her. She had her head ducked down, and Kara gave her a grim smile as she brushed her dark hair back and placed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

 

            “I brought soup,” Kara told her, nudging the door shut behind her, “chicken and mushroom. Eliza made it.”

 

            “Sam told you, huh?” Lena hoarsely murmured.

 

            Softly sighing, Kara juggled her bag and the container of soup, reaching out to wrap and arm around Lena and draw her into her embrace, soothingly rubbing her back as Lena wound her arms around her waist. “Yeah,” Kara honestly replied, “I wish you’d told me yourself. I would’ve … I don’t know, figured out something more than soup and a sweatshirt.”

 

            “Sweatshirt?” Lena said, her voice muffled by Kara’s shoulder.

 

            “I brought you one of mine. I mean, I know you have your own, but there’s something comforting about wearing someone else’s one that’s just a  _ little  _ too big for you. I thought it might help, even just a little.”

 

            Kissing her on the shoulder, Lena drew back, her hand gently following the line of Kara’s arm as she reached up to cup her cheek, placing a clumsy kiss at the corner of Kara’s mouth in the dark entryway of the house.

 

            “Thank you,” Lena whispered, and Kara fumbled for her hand in the pitch black, raising it to her lips and pressing a quick kiss to her fingertips. 

 

            “Hey, how about we get some fresh air?” Kara quietly asked.

 

            “I don’t really feel like going out.”

 

            “How about I just open a few shutters then? Let in some light. There’s supposed to be a storm tonight and you can smell it in the air. We can sit by the window. You can eat your soup and I’ll make us some tea. I’ve got some poems to read to you, or I can even give playing the piano a go if you’re after a laugh. I’ve got the first nine notes of Fur Elise down pat.”

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Lena rested her forehead against Kara’s cheek, her breath warm against her neck, and she played with the hair at the nape of Kara’s neck as she gently exhaled. “A whole nine notes, huh?”

 

            Laughing, Kara kissed her on the forehead, opening her satchel and pulling out a sweatshirt, worn soft with age, and pressed it into Lena’s hands. Giving her a gentle nudge towards the staircase, Kara made straight for the kitchen, setting the soup down on the counter and turning the kettle on. She’d brought herself some old pyjamas too, and quickly changed into them, before filling two teacups up and carrying them to the living room with the window seat. Lena was a dark figure curled up on the seat, and Kara warily crossed the room, making sure she didn’t trip and spill. Handing one off to Lena, Kara set hers down in the space left for her, before reaching out to jerk the widow up. It was stiff, having never been opened, but she managed to get it up, unlatching the shutters and letting in a flood of cold air, the wet, earthy smell of the rain laced with the saltiness of the sea. With the rush of fresh air came the pale sunlight streaming in, and Lena closed her eyes, tilting her head up slightly as she soaked up the weak rays, breathing in deeply. Slipping back out of the room, Kara heated up the soup and fetched a blanket off the back of the sofa in the other living room, before carrying it all into the other room and sitting down opposite Lena.

 

            She was silent as Lena ate her soup, drinking her tea as she stared out the window, a thin veil of mist sweeping in from the sea and snaking its way through the trees hiding the rolling waves from sight. It was peaceful - silent in the way that rainy winter days always were - and everything felt still and quiet as they sat on the window seat, enjoying each others presence without the pressure to do anything. Lena tried her best not to let her inner emotions show on her face, but as Kara watched her eat careful spoonfuls of soup, she could see the dark circles beneath her eyes, and the sadness in them, and she hated that she couldn’t  _ really _ do anything to take it away. She could bring as much soup and sweaters as she wanted to, but it wouldn’t change the fact that Lex was gone and Lena missed him.

 

            When their cups were empty and Lena finished eating, quietly murmuring her thanks, Kara carried the dishes to the kitchen and made more tea, and when she sat back down, their tea on the end table just out of arm’s reach, Lena reached out and carefully shifted so that she was laying down on her side, curled up with her head in Kara’s lap, and Kara softly smiled as she carefully tucked the blanket over Lena. Pulling the window closed, leaving it open the tiniest sliver so fresh air could creep in, Kara soothingly rubbed Lena’s arm and stroked her dark hair out of her face, feeling the heavy weight of her girlfriend’s grief settling down on her shoulders. Kara was a fixer, and an optimist, but there was no way to make the best in this situation, and she felt lost, warring with the urge to ask Lena about him. Some people  _ liked _ to talk about the people they’d lost, so that they could remember them and remind themselves of all the good things, but everything she knew about Lena pointed towards her being one of the people who didn’t like that, and maybe she didn’t  _ want _ to talk about it, but maybe she had to.

 

            Gently clearing her throat, Kara let her fingertips graze Lena’s delicate cheekbone, marvelling at the flawless skin as she brush stray wisps of hair back, and ventured a question. “Do you- do you want to talk about it?”

 

            Exhaling as if she was trying to force out all of her pent up feelings, Lena seemed to go limp in Kara’s lap, all of the fight draining out of her as she started to cry, and Kara made a small sound of surprise as she watched Lena reach up to furiously rub at her eyes, trying to stop the tears before they fell. Reaching out to stop her from rubbing her eyes raw, Kara covered Lena’s hands with her own, holding them still as she gently hushed her, feeling her own eyes prickle with tears.

 

            “Hey, shh, it’s okay,” Kara whispered, hunching over slightly as she kissed Lena on her temple, before resting her forehead against hers. It wasn’t exactly a comfortable position, but she didn’t want to disturb Lena from her foetal position, so she stayed like it anyway, back arched as she rubbed soothing circles onto the back of Lena’s hands.

 

            “I’m sorry,” Lena said, her voice cracking slightly.

 

            “Don’t apologise,” Kara softly told her, “you can take all the time you need.”

 

            Nodding, Lena let out a shuddering breath, pulling her hands away from her face and out of Kara’s grip, her eyes squeezed shut as if she was afraid the tears would escape if she opened them. Kissing her temple again, and then her hair and her cheek and anywhere else Kara could reach, Kara straightened up, rubbing Lena’s arm as she stared down at her with blue eyes swimming with concern. Drawing in shuddering breaths as sobs wracked her body every few moments, Lena just laid with her eyes shut, and Kara murmured what she hoped was comforting things to her as she waited for her to stop crying, knowing that Lena would hate a fuss. It was a long while before Lena’s shaking subsided, her hitching breaths evening out to just the odd hiccuping breath, and all the while Kara delicate traced patterns over the sleeve of the sweatshirt Lena was wearing. 

 

            “You’re right - it is comforting. The sweatshirt, I mean,” Lena eventually said, wrapping her arms around herself as she softly sighed, “it smells like you. Like flowers and vanilla and _ you _ .”

 

            “You can keep it,” Kara murmured, and Lena let out a quick laugh.

 

            “I was planning on it.” Joining in on her laughter, Kara gave her a faint smile, not quite reaching her eyes as she felt the dull ache in her chest, and she bent down to kiss Lena on the cheek. 

 

            They were silent for a few more minutes, until Lena let out a heavy sigh and finally opened her eyes, staring unseeingly across the room. Sitting up, she wiped at her eyes, which felt gritty after crying, and Kara reached for their tea - only just warm enough to still be drinkable - and pressed one into Lena’s hand. Drinking in silence, Kara watched her while Lena seemingly seemed to be staring out the window, looking like she was enjoying the view if Kara didn’t know any better. It wasn’t until their cups were empty again that Lena spoke, surprising Kara with her sudden bout of talkativeness.

 

            “He would’ve been thirty-two. He’s seven years older than me, did I ever tell you that? I was four when I was adopted, and he was eleven, and Lex … he was my home. My mom was never overly fond of me because I wasn’t hers, and my dad, well, I was his favourite, but he died when I was eleven. That was tough, but he’s been dead longer than I actually knew him. But Lex ... I should’ve  _ known _ . He was always happy, you know. He was charming and witty, and we were rich, so he could’ve gotten away with murder if he wanted to. My mom always wanted everything to be perfect, so he was groomed to take over the company, and he was fine with it - I mean, he got wasted every weekend, got into fights and drugs and pretty much everything you’d expect from an entitled asshole - but he never let me settle for what I didn't want or fall into all of that. Even when I went blind, he’d rearrange the furniture in the house and help me practice with my cane, and he got me my guide dog too. I would’ve gone into the business too if it hadn’t been for him. He’d sit with me and watch me play, and he’d tell me that if I loved music then I should pick music. So I did. No matter what state he was in, he was at every recital, every concert or performance, and he’d bring me a bouquet of lilies afterwards and tell me how proud he was of me. After he died … I couldn’t bear the thought of playing a show and not having him be there. He used to call me Lee. No one else had ever given me a nickname, but he’d call me Lee, and it used to make me feel so  _ special _ . I’d never been special to anyone before. Not until Lex. And then you … you came along on that day on the cliffs, and you called me music girl, and for the first time since he died, I felt … I don’t know. I felt  _ warm _ . I felt special - just for a moment.”

 

            Reaching out, Kara cupped Lena’s face in her hands, running the pads of her thumbs along her cheekbones as she gave her an earnest look, “you are special to me. Not just for a moment, but all the time. And I am  _ so _ sorry you lost your brother. I know it hurts. I know. So just- what do you need from me? What can I do to help? Just tell me-”

 

            “I need you to hold me,” Lena breathlessly said, “I just want you to hug me and make me feel like I’m not alone.”

 

            “You’re not alone,” Kara murmured, climbing off the padded seat and pulling Lena up with her. She picked up the blanket along with it and led her over to the sofa, sitting down and helping Lena down beside her, and then Kara awkwardly shook the blanket out and draped it over them both, before wrapping her arms around Lena and holding her close. She hugged her as tight as she could, feeling Lena relax in her embrace as she listened to the steady beat of Kara’s heart, her head on her chest, making Kara feel warm with the presence of her body heat.

 

            “Oh … you said you brought a book,” Lena mumbled a few minutes later.

 

            “That doesn’t matter.”

 

            “You know I love to hear you tell stories, storyteller.”

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh, Kara softly sighed, “okay, music girl. But I actually brought a poetry book. Have you ever read Rilke?”

 

            She smiled when she saw Lena wrinkle her nose slightly, reaching up to tenderly stroke her hair. “No. And poetry’s fine, as long as you’re reading it.”

 

            Closing her eyes, Kara smiled to herself. “He was one of the best poets that's ever existed. There’s one quote of his;  ‘I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other’ … I like it. It’s okay to have your solitude, and to have moments alone, but I’ll always be here for you when you don’t want to be alone anymore, and I'll be here even when you _do_.”

 

            Burying her face into Kara’s chest, Lena held onto her a little tighter, “I don’t want to be alone today.”

 

            “Good, because I’ve got a lot of his poems to read to you, and all the time in the world,” Kara said, “the book I brought, it’s one of those ones you need to read more than once. In my opinion, if you find a good book, you should read it three times.”

 

            “Three?”

 

            “Mhm. Three. The first time so you can read it, the second so you can understand it, and the third so you can  _ enjoy _ it.”

 

            “Sounds reasonable,” Lena mumbled. “Which poem’s your favourite?”

 

            And so Kara recited it to her - from memory because the book was still on the window seat and she didn’t want to move - and then Lena made her recite it again, and then again. They stayed on the sofa all morning, and then Kara made them grilled cheese sandwiches and hot chocolate, fetching the tattered book and reading some of his other poems while Lena cuddled up next to her. By the time the sun started to set, it was raining again, and Kara shut the window, making them both bowls of cereal and following Lena out onto the back porch. Under the overhanging roof, they huddled with blankets wrapped around their shoulders, eating cornflakes with bitter mugs of black coffee sitting beside them, and Kara watched the sheets of rain coming down as the grey clouds slowly turned black, and very briefly - just for a moment - she saw Lena’s fingers tapping out a few notes on an invisible piano. Smiling slightly, she balanced her empty bowl with the dregs of milk in her lap, wrapping an arm around Lena and kissing the top of her head when she rested it on Kara’s shoulder.

 

            The rest of their night was spent wrapped up in bed, listening to classical music while deep rumbles of thunder occasionally interrupted. It wasn’t long before the soothing music sent Lena drifting off to sleep, and Kara stayed up a little while longer, watching her face soften, giving her a more youthful appearance, her lips parted and her breathing deep and even as she slept with her head on Kara’s chest. By the time Kara fell asleep, the light was still on and so were her glasses, but she was none the wiser as she loosely held Lena in her arms, her head lolling to one side and resting on top of Lena’s. Neither of them stirred until dawn, with the rain a genter patter against the shutters, and the knowledge that they were safe in each other’s arms. There was a stillness about the night, like time was creeping by, and both of them were oblivious to it, wrapped up in the heavy blankets, hot limbs and the smell of Kara’s perfume that clung to their clothes, and when they woke the next morning, the sun was peeking out just a little from behind the grey clouds, reminding them that the sky was still blue, even if they couldn’t see it. 


	24. Chapter 24

            “But  _ why  _ do I need one?” Lena exasperatedly asked, her gloved hand in Kara’s as they slowly made their way down the street. 

 

            They were a week away from winter and the bitter cold had swept in with the dreary days, making their breath visible before them as they passed by the crowded coffee shops and the bakery that filled the air with the fresh smell of baking bread. The roads were glistening from the rain that morning, but it never got cold enough for snow, which meant that the weather wasn’t too unbearable. Rounding a puddle, Kara let out a sigh, giving Lena’s hand a quick squeeze and smiling at the butcher who was wheeling crates of packaged meats into the shop.

 

            “You need one because it’s almost Christmas,” Kara replied.

 

            “But what do  _ I _ need a tree for, I can’t even see it,” Lena protested.

 

            Wrinkling her nose slightly as she smiled, Kara raised their entwined hands and kissed Lena’s fingers, running a gloved thumb over her knuckles. “Well you don’t have to buy decorations. Trees just  _ smell _ like Christmas though. You’ll love it, I promise.”

 

            Grumbling, Lena let Kara lead her all the way to the stalls set up in the town square with freshly chopped Christmas trees already lined up and ready to be taken home. The air smelled like pine, and Kara breathed it in deeply, feeling comforted by the damp smell of the seaside town laced with the smell of Christmas and the anticipation of the holidays; she loved this time of year. She let Lena pick the first one they found, knowing that it didn’t matter what it looked like as long as it was a pine tree, and Kara paid for it herself, easily lifting the little wrapped tree and holding it under one arm while she held on tightly to Lena with her free hand.

 

            She’d dragged them into town early that morning, finishing up some last minute shopping and making them stop off for some peppermint hot chocolate at a diner, before hitting up the tree stall. It was nearing lunchtime by the time they were all finished, a few bags dangling from Lena’s hand and their cheeks rosy from the cold, and both of them were ready to call it a day. Making the walk back to Lena’s, Kara enthusiastically set up the tree in the corner of the kitchen - she would’ve opted for the living room, but Lena spent most of her time playing piano or in the kitchen, and it wasn’t like it was bought to look at - the weak sunlight streaming in through the open windows. It had taken some convincing, but Kara had finally talked Lena into letting her open all of the shutters, and it seemed to breathe new life into the place. She no longer had to wander through a dark house, and just the simple act of letting in some sunlight - whether Lena could see it or not - made the whole house feel lighter, with the windows cracked open to let in some of the salty sea breeze and the sharp smell of the cold. Even the struggling pots of herbs were grateful for the little sunlight winter gave them.

 

            While Kara untied the Christmas tree, Lena made them both some tea, fetching a pack of gingerbread biscuits from the cupboard and turning the heating up, flooding the room with warmth to chase away their lingering shivers after the cold walk home. The strong smell of pine filled the kitchen too as Kara neatly arranged the little tree in the corner, feeling proud of herself for finding a way to make it feel like Christmas in a way that Lena could feel it too. She’d bought a few candles too, just in case the pine didn’t quite cut it, and had snuck a Mariah Carey Christmas CD into the few she was buying Lena when they visited the music store. Pulling one of the candles out of a bag, Kara lit it on the stove and set it down in the middle of the table, adding the smell of ginger, vanilla and eggnog to the aroma of the room. Lena looked a bit confused at the sudden addition of the new smells, until Kara quietly explained, sitting down at the kitchen table and picking up the cup of tea Lena had made for her. It was orange and cinnamon and reminded her of the holidays as she took a small sip.

 

            “Are you  _ sure _ you want to come to my house for Christmas?” Kara asked, not for the first time, knowing that Lena liked her space and disliked meeting new people in settings she wasn’t used to, and Eliza’s house was about to get very packed for the holidays.

 

            With an exasperated look, Lena tentatively reached out for the plate of biscuits and picked one up. Turning it over in her hands, she pursed her lips slightly. “You said you make gingerbread, right? Play board games and watch movies? My family was never that close. I never baked with my mom - we had a chef for that - and Lex taught me to play chess, but that was about as far as games went in my house. By the time I was old enough to do those things myself, it was like I was  _ too  _ old to do them, you know? I think … a proper Christmas would be nice.”

 

            Reaching out, Kara gripped Lena’s forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze, “then I’ll make sure we have enough gingerbread for an army and all of The Santa Clause movies.”

 

            Giving her a soft smile, Lena reached out, her hand seeking Kara’s face, and Kara caught it midair, kissing her open palm and then pressing it to her cheek as she gazed lovingly back at her. “I love you,” Lena quietly told her.

 

            “Yeah?”

 

            “Yeah.”

 

            A shy smile on her lips, Kara rose slightly from her seat so that she could lean over and gently kiss Lena on the cheek, and then the lips when Lena turned her head, an expectant look on her face, smiling into it as she closed her eyes slightly. Pulling back, Kara sank back down onto her chair, feeling warm inside and excited at the prospect of spending the holidays with Lena and her family. Usually Eliza joined her and Alex in National City, but this year Alex was coming to Midvale, along with Sam and Ruby, and James and Winn, who also had nowhere else to go, and Kara was excited at the prospect of having so many people she cared about in one place. The thought of Lena crammed into Eliza’s kitchen while they all unwrapped presents and ate turkey and pulled crackers made her feel warm inside. That was supposed to be how it felt to bring someone home for the holidays - she finally understood how it felt to have all the things people talked about in relationships. 

 

            “I love you too,” Kara softly told her, “perhaps more than you think.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            Kara’s expression softened as she set her teacup down, the cup rattling against the saucer, and leant across the table slightly, a hint of a smile playing on her lips. “Because you’re you. You sit there and you write music for me, and it’s  _ so _ beautiful, and it makes me feel … indescribable things. It makes me feel so loved and special, like you picked  _ me _ . And then me … I’ve tried writing about you, but I always seem to fail. I can’t put it into words and I wish that I could, because I want you to know that I love you, but I just-”

 

            “I don’t _want_ you to write about me,” Lena interrupted her, sounding surprised, “I don’t need your words to know how you feel, just like I’m sure you don’t need my music to know how I feel, but if it’s any consolation, the stories you tell me mean more to me than you know.”

 

            Letting out a quiet laugh, Kara lovingly gazed at her, biting her lip slightly as she thought about how fortunate she’d been to come back to Midvale at just the right time. “For the record, I  _ do _ love your music though.”

 

            “I know you do,” Lena laughed, “and that makes me feel special too.”

 

            “Do you know what else would make you feel special? Telling me what you’d like for Christmas,” Kara prodded, her eyebrows rising slightly as she gave Lena an expectant look.

 

            Sighing, Lena took a bite out of her gingerbread biscuit, looking straight ahead as Kara watched her with an amused look in her eyes. She’d already bought Lena a few things, but she wanted to get her something that she knew for certain that Lena would like, and much to Kara’s exasperation, Lena was completely unhelpful. 

 

            “All I want for Christmas is … a nice day with you.”

 

            “Okay Mariah Carey,” Kara huffed, grimacing as she reached for a biscuit and shoved it in her mouth, a preoccupied look on her face as she chewed thoughtfully. “I just want to make sure you like what I get you,” she said after a she finished eating, dusting crumbs off her lap and pouting slightly as she looked at Lena. 

 

            “If it’s off you, then I’ll love it anyway.”

 

            Making a sound of indignation, Kara drank the rest of her tea and leant back in her chair, folding her arms over her chest as she observed Lena. She couldn’t hold her tongue for more than a few moments though, much to Lena’s amusement. “Tell me what you want.”

 

            “Nothing.”

 

           _“Lena,”_ Kara said, her voice holding a hint of a warning.

 

            With a delighted laugh and a mocking tone to match Kara’s, Lena leant towards her, resting her chin in her hand and staring just past Kara.  _ “Kara.” _

 

            “You’re being very unhelpful.”

 

            “Fine, I’d like a pair of robot eyes so I can see you.”

 

            Sighing in vexation, Kara grimaced, but felt a flicker of sadness at the joke, because it  _ was _ a joke, but she knew that for all of her words and descriptions, she could never truly paint a picture of how she looked, and she knew it irked Lena. “You see more of me than anyone else,” Kara gently reminded her, “you see me for who I really am, and you don’t need eyes for that.”

 

            “Mm, well I could always use them to stare at myself in the mirror for hours on end. You know how vain I am,” Lena wistfully said, giving Kara a wry smile.

 

            “I’ll look into it,” Kara snorted, “but if not …”

 

            “You can play me those nine notes of Fur Elise that you know,” Lena suggested.

 

            “You’re insufferable,” Kara sighed, before she jutted her chin forward stubbornly, a determined look on her face, “nevermind, I’ve already got your main one, which you  _ might _ like - or at least I'm hoping you will.”

 

            Pushing her chair back as she climbed to her feet, Lena let one hand trail along the curve of the round table, stepping towards Kara and then reaching out to cup her face in her hands. Kara willingly let her head be tilted up, smiling into the expected kiss that Lena placed on her lips, albeit a little lopsided, and let out a quiet laugh when she kissed the tip of her nose too. “If it’s off you, I’ll love it,” Lena quietly reminded her. “I just hope you’ll like mine.”

 

            Carrying their empty cups to the kitchen, Lena set the kettle on to boil again while Kara dug through one of the bags, rifling through the couple of CD’s until she pulled out the Christmas album, biting back a smile as she walked over to Lena, pressing the CD into her hands. 

 

            “What’s this?”

 

            Taking the CD out of her hand, Kara walked out of the kitchen, making her way towards the main living room and dropping down to her knees before the stereo, turning it on and sliding in the disc. Skipping to the second track and turning the volume up, the start of  _ All I Want For Christmas Is You _ started playing, and Kara walked back over to the door, poking her head out into the hallway and looking back towards the kitchen. Lena was silhouetted against the pale sunlight, and Kara laughed as she watched Lena warily make her way towards her, a wide eyed look on her face.

 

            Pulling her into the room, Kara led her over to the sofa, laughing as kissed Lena on the cheek, “I just want you for Christmas too. And for everything else. Always. I know we’ll have a nice day on Christmas because ever since I met you, all of my days have been nice days, _because_ they were with you. Now, come on, sing. It’s not Christmas without some caroling.”

 

            Laughing loudly, Lena covered her face with her hands, shaking her head as Kara loudly sang along, careless as to whether she was in time or tune with the song, and she reached out to tickle Lena, laughing as she watched her squirm. Curled up in a ball, her eyes screwed shut as she laughed, Lena wriggled and kicked, wrapping her arms around Kara at the feeling of her warm lips on her neck. Encircling her wrists with her hands, Kara hovered over Lena, her blonde hair tickling the other woman’s face while the song carried on playing, and Kara leant down to kiss her way along Lena’s jawline, her lips stopping just below her earlobe.

 

            “Dance with me,” Kara mumbled against her skin.

 

            “You’re hilarious.”

 

            “Dance with me,” Kara said, taking Lena’s hand in her own and pulling her to her feet.

 

            “To  _ Christmas music?” _ Lena laughed.

 

            She climbed to her feet anyway, looking amused as Kara pulled her close, spinning them around in a circle as they both laughed. The music changed to the next song on the CD, and Kara moved her hand from Lena’s wait to her lower back, swaying slightly with the music. “Even Christmas music is music, music girl. If you can find music in the sea then you can find it in this.”

 

            Resting her chin on Kara’s shoulder, Lena quietly laughed, “okay, storyteller.”


	25. Chapter 25

            Christmas approached quickly, with torrential rain and cold weather that made their walks along the beach and cliffs bone chilling, and with the arrival of the holidays came a packed house at Eliza’s. Alex, Sam and Ruby arrived first, with the latter two staying at Lena’s, and the next day Winn and James showed up, making dinner very loud and crowded that night as Lena came over to meet Kara’s friends. She seemed to be less on edge than last time, and Kara was never far from her as they ate and drank wine, enjoying having her friends in town, and happy that she could show off Lena and know that she was someone that she could feel slightly smug about dating. Lena hit it off surprisingly well with Winn, stealing him for her team when they played  _ Trivial Pursuit _ after dinner much to Kara’s protests - Winn was always her partner, and she was offended at the fact that he willingly abandoned her - even though Eliza was a more than competent partner.

 

            Christmas Eve was better than any Kara could remember having, all of them packing into the living room eating fruitcake and drinking mulled wine or peppermint hot chocolate. Just the taste of cinnamon and orange made it feel like Christmas for Kara, and she hoped the strong flavours and smells were enough to make it feel like it for Lena too. She’d even gone as far as to buy a candle for all of the rooms Lena might go in, as well as buying pine tree incense to burn, which had gone disastrously wrong when Kara had accidentally set them on fire and copious amounts of pine tree scented smoke made the living room hazy - although, true to its word, it  _ was _ very pine tree scented and Lena said she definitely felt the Christmas spirit with everyone complaining. Things got even more heated when they brought out  _ Monopoly _ and  _ Scrabble, _ cutting any games that would exclude Lena, and everyone accused everyone else of cheating - in Lena’s case it  _ was _ true, but no one pointed out that some of her words weren’t real words, considering the fact that she couldn’t see the letters. Judging by the slight smirk on her face, Kara suspected that Lena knew  _ exactly _ how lenient everyone was being, and was willing to let it slide just this once to win, which she did. 

 

            That night, Kara kissed her goodbye beneath the mistletoe that had conveniently popped up beneath the doorframe, courtesies of Winn, and she waved goodbye to the trio headed back to Lena’s house, knowing that they’d be back in the morning for breakfast and a full day of family time. As excited as ever for the holidays, Kara was in bed before midnight, listening to the sounds of Alex breath from across the other side of the room and thinking about tomorrow. 

 

            She was up before the sun was, too excited to sleep, and Alex wasn’t too pleased about being woken up by her enthusiastic sister jumping on her at six o’clock in the morning, but even she couldn’t fight off an insistent Kara or the excitement of Christmas for too long. Even still, Eliza beat them to it, and the three of them had a few moments together in the kitchen over cups of coffee before they were joined by the two men, all of them bleary eyed and still a little tired from the night before. It wasn’t too long before they got a call off Sam either, with an excited child to wake her up early in place of her very own Kara, and they all showered and dressed while waiting for everyone to arrive, before being set to work in the kitchen. Kara was stuck peeling potatoes for the most part, and a bag of carrots, because even she couldn’t mess that up, but they were quickly abandoned at the knock on the door.

 

            Alex got there first, ushering everyone in out of the cold, and Kara went to greet Lena, her eyes widening slightly as she watched her shed her black coat to reveal an emerald green sweater in place of her usual muted wardrobe these days. It was almost reminiscent of her old wardrobe - just a little plainer - and Kara smiled at the memory, kissing Lena on the cheek before she gave Sam a quick hug, directing everyone down the hallway to the kitchen and leaving them alone. 

 

            “Merry Christmas,” Lena said, reaching out for Kara and pulling her closer, a smile on her lips as she tilted her chin up, indicating that she wanted a kiss.

 

            Obligingly pressing one to her lips, Kara laughed, “Merry Christmas. I love the sweater, by the way.”

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Lena gave her an exasperated look, a clear indication of her thoughts of the bright colour, even though she’d worn it anyway to make more of an effort to look festive. Raising the green and red gift bag that she was carrying, Lena gave her a suggestive look, “presents?”

 

            “How about we go for a walk and do it?” Kara asked at the loud laughter and conversation coming from further in the house. They wouldn’t get any privacy in there, and too much noise was overwhelming for Lena, so at the quick nod off her, Kara darted upstairs to fetch the bag of Lena’s gifts and slipped a coat on, winding a scarf around Lena’s neck for good measure and shouting to everyone gathered in the kitchen, before they made their way outside. 

 

            It was windy outside and the loss of warmth made Kara shiver as she tightly clutched Lena’s hand in her own, leading her across the lawn as she headed for the beach. The sand was damp from last night’s rain which made it easier for them to walk along as they breathed in the bracing sea air, the drab day made better by the fact the it was Christmas, even if the cloudy grey sky was gloomy with the threat of a storm hanging in the air.

 

            They could’ve just sat out the back and exchanged gifts there, but neither of them stopped as they kept going, chatting away about their morning so far and the chaotic house where Eliza had put everyone to work on getting dinner started before they’d even sat down for breakfast, walking further and further down the coast as the sound of the sea accompanied them. Everything was wet, and a fine drizzle and mist from the sea made for damp walk, but Kara loved nothing more than to walk across the beach with the smell of the sand and salt and the sound of seabirds crying out as they flew overhead or bobbed with the waves, and it wasn’t until they reached the beginning of the craggy cliffs that they slowed, slowly winding their way towards the place that they’d first met. It had been an almost unconscious decision to go there, because they frequented it so often on their walks, sitting perilously close to the edge and listening to the waves beat against the rocks below, flooding the caves hollowed out of the stone with briny water and echoing booms at the raging force of the sea. 

 

            She knew it was Lena’s favourite place in Midvale and Kara dropped her hand, watching Lena eagerly walk on ahead, passing the sparse grass and earth that gave way to rough stone and making for the very edge of the cliff where she spread her arms out wide, taking in the maelstrom of the turbulent wind and the seething mass of water below. Kara sighed as she hurried after her, her boots crunching tiny rocks beneath her feet as she took length strides, stopping just behind Lena and feeling slightly dizzy at the long drop down to the jumbled waves and serrated edges of the rocks piercing the water like the sharp teeth of a giant sea creature. Kara liked their walks, and she respected the wildness of the ocean, but standing at the dizzying edge of the cliff always gave her an ominous feeling, and she rolled her eyes slightly as Lena laughed, unencumbered by the sense of vertigo that Kara was experiencing as she peered over the edge.

 

            “God, do you always have to get so close to the edge?” Kara groaned as the strong wind buffeted Lena slightly, and she reached out to grab a fistful of the back of Lena’s coat, a grim look on her face as she shook her head.

 

            “It’s more exhilarating,” Lena said, turning to give her a wide smile over her shoulder, “I feel like I could just fall right over the edge. Have you ever thought about going skydiving? That weightlessness … it has to feel incredible.”

 

            Pulling her back a few steps, Kara sank down to the rocky ground, staring out at the choppy grey sea as she stretched her legs out in front of her, and Lena carefully lowered herself down beside her, curling up into a ball as she cuddled up beside Kara. “Mm, well I don’t think the weightlessness of falling off this cliff would be too nice with those sharp rocks at the bottom waiting to cut you to pieces.”

 

            Laughing, Lena kissed Kara’s frozen rosy cheek, resting her head on her shoulder and listening to the sound of the waves. They were silent for a few minutes, enjoying the peacefulness and the fresh air after being in such a packed house, but eventually Lena perked up slightly, an excited smile on her face as she slid her sunglasses up her nose, giving Kara a look at her shining green eyes. “Would you like your presents now?”

 

            “You almost sound like you’re getting into the Christmas spirit,” Kara laughed.

 

            “I like buying gifts for people,” Lena offhandedly shrugged, blindly reaching out for the gift bag she’d deposited beside her when she sat down. Holding it out for Kara to take, she gave her an amused smile. “Alex told me I couldn’t buy you a car so we could go more places, and I figured that she was right, and you’d get pissed if I spent too much money on you so …”

 

            Kara let out an incredulous laugh at the thought of Lena buying her a car, and was glad that Alex had reined her in so Kara’s own gifts didn’t seem so paltry by comparison. Reaching for the bag, she pulled a thin, square present out, biting back a smile at the lopsided wrapping paper patterned with snowmen and the haphazardly attached bow. Lena had obviously wrapped them herself. Tearing the paper open, Kara stared down at the blank CD case with interest and confusion, looking through the blank front to stare at the silver disc with the clumsy writing. She knew Lena could write and sign her name, but anything more than that was an effort for her, but there, written across the disc in small disjointed letters was  _ ‘For Storyteller’ _ and Kara looked up at her with slightly raised eyebrows.

 

            “You made me a mixtape?”

 

            Bursting into laughter, Lena rested her head against Kara’s shoulder for a moment, before kissing it and sitting back up. With an exasperated sigh she nudged her sunglasses back up on top of her head and gave Kara an amused look. “It’s not a  _ mixtape _ . I had Sam help me record some of my pieces for you last time she visited. You know, for when I’m not there.”

 

            “Are you going somewhere?” Kara laughed, and Lena rolled her eyes as she smiled. Feeling touched by the thoughtfulness of the gift, she leant in and stole a kiss, hugging the CD case to her chest as she smiled into it. “I love it, thank you.”

 

            She reached into the bag for another one, pulling out a bigger and heavier one this time, and tore the paper off to reveal the colourful cover of a book. She smiled slightly as she stared down at the illustrated boy and train on the front, “my favourite book. You remembered.”

 

            Lena gave her a soft smile, “of course I did. I figured that you’d already own it, but it’s a first edition, so I thought it could be a special copy.”

 

_             “First edition?” _ Kara spluttered, “Lena, these are expensive!”

 

            Brushing aside her concerns, Lena laughed, “don’t worry, it’s the American first edition. Much less expensive. Even I knew sixty-thousand on our first Christmas would be a bit  _ too _ much.”

 

            Choking on a laugh as she gave Lena an incredulous look, Kara carefully tore the rest of the paper off and cradled the book in her hands. An overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude welling up inside, she gave Lena a tender look, leaning forward to steal another kiss. “Thank you. I’ll read it to you sometime.”

 

            Nodding, Lena gave her a soft smile, “there’s one more.”

 

            Digging out the tiny wrapped gift at the bottom of the bag, Kara put her other gifts back into it and carefully unwrapped the little one, revealing a shiny little silver key. A house key. “Oh. Are you … asking me to move in?”

 

            Closing her eyes for a brief moment as she smiled, Lena gave her a serious look as she reached out for Kara’s hand, holding it tightly in her own and raising it to her lips to press a quick kiss to the back of it. “No.”

 

            “Oh, okay,” Kara said, somewhat relieved that Lena didn’t want to rush into things so quickly. 

 

            “I don’t want to rush you, because I know it’s only been a few months, and I know you’re still trying to figure things out for yourself. But you’re at my place a lot, and I like it when you’re there, and I’d like it a lot more if you just came and went as you pleased. You know, just … take a drawer or leave a toothbrush or something,” Lena hesitantly said. “I know you feel like you don’t have a home, but you’re not just a guest in my life. You’re important to me -  _ very _ important - and it’s too soon for a literal home yet, but you’re not just someone I want to kick out in the mornings.”

 

            The burning feeling at the back of her eyes took Kara by surprise, and she swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared down at the key in her hand, curling her fingers around it to hide it as she looked back up at Lena. She felt a slight feeling of guilt creep up on her as Lena talked about Kara’s uncertainty, because it was true, and she was still trying to figure out what she wanted while creating something with Lena that they both saw as something more than just a short-term fling. “I applied for another job in National City,” Kara admitted.

 

            Quietly laughing, Lena reached out and gently cupped her cheek in her hand, blindly staring at Kara’s lips as she gave her a wry smile, “I know. Sam accidentally told me. She thought I already knew. That’s why I wanted you to have a key, so you know that you always have somewhere to keep your things.”

 

            “I didn’t get it,” Kara finished, a strained smile on her lips.

 

            “Then you’ll apply for the next one,” Lena gently encouraged her.

 

            “And what about you?”

 

            Softly sighing, Lena tenderly stroked Kara’s cheek before she withdrew her hand, a brilliant smile lighting up her face. “Well, I’d like to see what this present you think I  _ might _ like is.”

 

            A surprised laugh fell from Kara’s lips and she reached for the bag she’d brought with her too, reaching over to place it in Lena’s lap and watch her with nervous anticipation as she watched Lena reach in, pulling out a wrapped CD. They were all perfectly wrapped and her fingers drifted over the smooth paper as she searched for the edge, carefully opening it and listening as Kara described what it was. There were a few more, as well as a strong floral perfume and a soft cashmere sweater, all chosen for the sole purpose of not necessarily having to be seen to be useful, and then Lena pulled out an envelope with her final gift in it, frowning slightly as she tried to find a gap in the sealed flap, before she finally managed to remove two thin slips of paper from it.

 

            “I love it,” Lena seriously told Kara, her lips twitching as she tried not to smile.

 

            “Very funny,” Kara sighed, taking the tickets off her and looking down at the words printed onto them, “they’re tickets. Tickets for Martha Argerich’s next concert in National City … if you feel comfortable going, that is. I thought we could go up for the weekend. We can get a hotel, see Alex and Sam, and I can show you around a bit. Take you to all my favourite places back home.”

 

            “Martha Argerich?” Lena asked, her eyebrows rising in surprise, “her tickets are hard to come by. They sell out within minutes. And can be quite pricey.”

 

            Shrugging slightly, Kara gave her a soft smile, “well they’re not first edition Harry Potter expensive, or that hard to come by if you spend an hour waiting for the tickets to go on sale.”

 

            “When is it?”

 

            “In three weeks.”

 

            “I can’t wait,” Lena said, giving her a bright smile, “thank you, it’s perfect.”

 

            Feeling relieved that Lena was on-board with the plan Kara met her halfway for a kiss, smiling into it as she threaded her fingers through Lena’s dark hair, making the kiss linger just a little bit longer, before they had to leave. They’d already been gone for quite a while on their walk to the cliffs, and the thought of breakfast was urging Kara on as she carried their bags, one arm wrapped around Lena’s shoulders as they made the walk back towards Eliza’s house. The smell of food cooking greeted them the moment they approached the front door, as well as the sound of laughter and the undertone of Christmas carols and the first batch of gingerbread, and Kara turned to Lena, one hand already turning the door handle, giving her a bright smile as she took in the sight of her. Her heart felt full, and the thought of a good day yet to come was enough to make her feel warm inside as she let the door swing open and dragged Lena into the hectic household. It was about to be one hell of a Christmas.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdjhfgjsa hey everyone, I know it's been a while so for those of you who don't know I got suspended on here for a few days, and then I went to new zealand to meet katie, and then back into full-time work, so I've been super busy and haven't been able to update. I just wanted to say thank you to anyone who helped get me to nz, and also katie told me to thank you as well bc it meant a lot, so thank you!!! I'll be back to my regularly scheduled writing from now on!!

            “Lena?” Kara hesitantly asked as she pulled her key out of the lock, taking a wary step inside and slowly closing the door behind her. “Babe?”

 

            The slow lilting sound of the piano cut off, the notes fading into silence as Lena stopped playing. Kicking off her boots, Kara stepped onto the staircase, the bottom step creaking slightly and her hand skimming the varnished bannister as she made her way upstairs, hitching the strap of her satchel up higher on her shoulder.

 

            “Kara?”

 

            “Yeah, it’s me,” she called back, jogging up the last few steps and making her way down the hallway.

 

            The door to the piano room was open, weak light streaming in through the open windows, and Kara leant against the doorframe for a few moments, smiling softly to herself as she looked at the straight back and the dark hair tumbling down past narrow shoulders. The window was open a slither, and the smell of the sea swept in with the sound of the waves rushing up the beach just a stone’s throw from the back garden, Lena’s dark hair stirring at the wind’s gentle caress as she waited silently for Kara to join her. She had her back to the door, sitting primly on the cushioned piano bench, and Kara could’ve stood there all day watching her, but Lena eventually turned, a look of exasperation on her face as she sent an accusing look in the direction of the door.

 

            “Are you lurking again?”

 

            “Yes,” Kara laughed, finally stepping into the room.

 

            She walked over to the piano, her steps deliberate and loud, and gently touched Lena on the shoulder, bending slightly to kiss her on the forehead. Shuffling over to make space for her, Lena gave her a tired smile, the purplish shadows beneath her eyes the colour of bruises that betrayed the fact that she hadn’t gone to sleep yet, and Kara dropped down onto the cushioned seat beside her, giving her a searching look. Reaching out with fumbling fingers, Lena found Kara’s face and drew her in, her lips finding Kara’s with a little bit of clumsiness that made Kara smile softly as her eyelashes fluttered closed for a moment. When she pulled back, her forehead furrowing with concern, she reached out to cradle Lena’s cheek in her hand, thumbing the dark circles beneath her eyes.

 

            “You used the key,” Lena murmured, a slow smile spreading across her face.

 

            The fluttering in Kara’s chest at the delighted look on Lena’s face was enough to make her feel glad that she’d used the key she’d received for Christmas for the first time, and Kara couldn’t help but smile, biting her lip as she ducked her head slightly, feeling all warm inside. 

 

            “I  _ did _ ,” Kara quietly laughed.

 

            “Good,” Lena said, her tone casual but her face glowing with happiness at the simple gesture, and Kara picked her hand up and kissed the back of it, her eyes shining with unbridled love.

 

            “You haven’t slept yet,” Kara quietly noted, fiddling with a loose strand of hair that fell into Lena’s face, neatly tucking it behind her ear and running her hand over the soft unbound tresses. 

 

            Shifting slightly on the seat, Lena shrugged, giving Kara a helpless smile, “my sleep cycle is all out of sync again. I got distracted composing and lost track of time. I wasn’t tired enough to stop.”

 

            Letting out a weary sigh, Kara climbed to her feet, her hand warm in Lena’s as she tried to pull her up along with her, “come on, bed time.”

 

            “Wait! Don’t you want to hear my new piece?” Lena said, her lips curling into a smile as her gaze drifted upwards, blindly searching for Kara as she arched an eyebrow suggestively, “it’s for you.”

 

            Her curiosity piqued, Kara collapsed back onto the bench with a wary look on her face, watching as a faint smug look crossed Lena’s face and she turned to face the keys, her slender fingers splayed across the row of ivory and black, and Kara waited expectantly. The song started slow, a delicate cadence that was soft and calming, before the gentle rising and falling of the notes became a little bolder, creating a soothing symphony. It was different to her other ones, with the sweet lilting notes making the melody light, and Kara felt serene and unrushed, finding peace in the gentleness of the song. 

 

            “It’s beautiful,” Kara murmured, a tender smile on her face as she gave Lena a loving look, feeling touched at the sweetness of the moment. Her hand rested gently on top of Lena’s left hand, their fingers twining together on top of the keys, and Kara leant over to kiss her shoulder, “you never cease to amaze me.”

 

            “I named it after you,” Lena said, turning to look past her, her head tilted to the side as she gave Kara an almost quizzical look. “Kara,” she firmly said after a few moments of deep thoughtfulness. “I can’t get you out of my head. So sweet, so kind and caring, and  _ warm _ . You’re more frustrating to work out than any melody I’ve ever got stuck on, but by far my favourite of them all. I think this is one of my favourites too.” She played the first few lilting notes again before she let out a quick laugh, sounding almost bashful, as if she’d revealed too much of herself.

 

            Rubbing small circles onto the back of Lena’s hand, Kara gave her a knowing look as she smiled. “I know how that feels. Sometimes I feel like I could describe you perfectly. The slope of your neck and the curve of your shoulders, your eyes and your lips. But …  _ you _ are so hard to describe, because it’s not something I can just  _ see _ . It’s a bit frustrating sometimes.”

 

            “Don’t worry, I’ll forgive you,” Lena teased her, “you’re not so easy to understand yourself.”

 

            “What do you mean?”

 

            Giving her a small smile, Lena shrugged slightly, “it doesn’t matter. Now, how about you show me those nine notes of Fur Elise and I’ll see if I can teach you the tenth?”

 

            “How about …  _ you _ go to bed?”

 

            Making a sound of protest, Lena pouted, her forehead wrinkling slightly until Kara reached up to smooth them away. “But you  _ just _ got here.”

 

            “Then I’ll take a quick nap.”

 

            “What time is it? Didn’t you just wake up?”

 

            “I’m always ready for a nap. Look,” Kara said, picking her satchel up from where she’d dumped it beside the piano bench. She pulled out a few things and pressed them into Lena’s hand.

 

            For a few moments, Lena caressed the soft fabric and held the thin object in her hands, her eyes narrowed slightly as she tried to figure out what she was holding. “Is that … a toothbrush? And clothes?”

 

            Face lighting up, Kara gave her a bright smile, shoving them back into her satchel and climbing to her feet. “Mhm. You’ve already got some of my clothes, but like you said, I could leave a toothbrush or some pyjamas. So I’m very prepared for a nap right now.”

 

            Laughing, Lena let herself be pulled to her feet, huddled up in an oversized sweatshirt that Kara realised was one of the ones she’d left over at some point and Kara smiled at the sleeves that were almost swallowing Lena’s hands. Lacing their fingers together, Kara hoisted her satchel up on her shoulder and held Lena’s hand while she navigated her way around the bench, closing the fallboard over the keys before exiting the room. The floorboards creaked beneath their footsteps as they made their way towards Lena’s airy bedroom, the weak sunlight streaming in and highlighting the sparsely furnished room. Dumping her bag on the floor, Kara pulled her sweatpants and an old sweater out and stripped off her jeans, kicking them into a dusty corner that reminded her to find some time to sneakily vacuum in the places that Lena couldn’t see, before she pulled on her pyjamas, tossing the thick knitted sweater she’d been wearing over to the jeans. Lena was in the middle of pulling back the covers while Kara darted over to the windows and pulled the curtains closed. Climbing into bed, she quickly shuffled over to Lena, letting her cuddle up against her side, her head buried in the crook between her neck and shoulder.

 

            Slowly, hey eyes adjusted to the gloom, and Kara absentmindedly stroke Lena’s hair, feeling her warm breath against the side of her neck. Neither of them spoke, letting the silence drag on. Even the sea sounded far away through the closed windows, and Kara let herself get lost in her thoughts as she held Lena close. It wasn’t long before the other woman’s breathing slowed as she slipped into a deep sleep, leaving Kara staring at the glimpses of sunlight peeking through the heavy, drawn curtains, and the lingering notes of the music Lena had been playing repeating itself in her mind as she puzzled over her novel. With the warmth of Lena tucked up beside her and the safety and comfort of the bed, she soon drifted off too, sleep creeping up on her despite the fact that she hadn’t long since woken up. 

 

            She didn’t sleep long, and she was carefulyl slipping out of bed an hour later, making sure she didn’t disturb Lena, who was completely dead to the world as she huddled up beneath the blankets. Smiling as she tucked her in and gently kissed her on her head, Kara slipped out of the bedroom and quietly made her way downstairs, wary of where the staircase creaked as she padded down the steps. It was a mild day for the middle of winter and she opened windows and doors, letting in a flood of cool sea air laced with the strong smell of decaying pine needles and leaves from the surrounding trees. 

 

            The next few hours she spent creeping around downstairs doing menial tasks around the house, doing laundry for Lena, cleaning the kitchen with a citrus smelling spray and sweeping in forgotten corners. She even went outside to check on the garden, which still had some colour from the flowering winter plants and had been nicely watered from the recent rains they’d been having. By the time she went back upstairs, smelling of washing detergent and dust, it was a little after lunchtime and Lena was starting to stir, blearily blinking away sleep as Kara crept back into her bedroom and perched on the edge of the bed.

 

            “Good morning,” she murmured, a loving look on her face as she took in Lena’s tousled hair and confused crinkle between her eyebrows. 

 

            “Hi,” Lena mumbled, rubbing at her tired eyes before stretching, her back curving as she held her arms out wide. With a heavy sigh she collapsed back against the pillows, her head lolling to one side as she looked towards Kara. “What time is it?”

 

            Slipping beneath the covers, Kara covered them both with the heavy quilt and cupped Lena’s cheek in her hand, gently thumbing her cheekbone. “It’s just after twelve.”

 

            Grumbling indistinctly, Lena pulled the blankets up over her head, burrowing deeper into the nest of pillows as Kara laughed, wrapping an arm around her waist. “What time did Alex say they were leaving again?”

 

            “Don’t worry, you’ve still got a few hours,” Kara laughed, “how about I make you some coffee?”

 

_             “Or  _ you could stay right here.”

 

            It was hard to argue with her when she was so comfortable with Lena curled up beside her, so Kara settled down against the pillows, a content smile on her face as Lena wormed her way further into her embrace, her head resting on her chest. Kara almost had to will her heart to stop racing as she wrapped her arms around Lena, her mind once again reeling from the fact that this was her life now, spent with someone she loved completely, and who loved her too. It was always a comforting thought, and there was no doubt in her mind that she’d gladly spend every morning like this. She’d already sent in her latest article earlier on that morning, giving an early report on the preparations for New Year’s Eve festival happening that evening, and she had no other obligations but to stay in bed with Lena for as long as she wished. Eliza was going to be researching at the lab all night, and Alex, Sam and Ruby wouldn’t be arriving until the middle of the afternoon for their small New Year’s party together, and so they just stayed in bed.

 

            Kara would’ve been content to stay there forever, the warmth of Lena pressed up against her bare back once she’d shed her sweatshirt that smelled faintly of oranges and bleach, and she couldn’t help but smile at the tender kisses and wandering hands as they both lay beneath the covers. Squirming slightly under the feeling of those slender fingers trailing across the bare expanse of her back, edging towards the ticklish part on the left side of her ribcage, Kara wrinkled her nose, tensing as she tried not to spasm. Tutting, Lena pressed a kiss to her shoulder blade. “Stay still. I’m trying to memorise you,” she sternly whispered.

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Kara stilled beneath her touch, a slight smile curling her lips as she closed her eyes and let Lena’s fingers aimlessly wander across her skin. “Why?”

 

            “Because I want to be able to see all of you.”

 

            “You do.”

 

            “I want to know every inch of you. I want to know all of you completely. Every beautiful part of you.”

 

            “There’s not a lot of them,” Kara snorted, pushing herself up onto her elbows when Lena’s fingers stilled.

 

            She glanced over her shoulder slightly to take in the disapproving look on Lena’s face, letting out a quick laugh as she turned and brushed her hair out of her face. “You shouldn’t say things like that,” Lena quietly admonished her, her eyebrows furrowing, “you’re beautiful to me and I wish you could see that. And I don’t just mean physically - I mean, how would  _ I  _ know? - I mean inside. You’re a good person, Kara. I don’t like it when you put yourself down.”

 

            “You do it too, you know,” Kara quietly reminded her, settling back down on her stomach, “I think everyone does.”

 

            Scoffing, Lena laid down beside her, her hand fumbling along Kara’s arm and up to her face, where she cupped her cheek. “Yes, but not about my looks. It would come across as false modesty if I tried to pretend that I don’t know what I look -  _ looked _ \- like. I mean, I’m sure I can’t have gotten  _ that _ unattractive in a decade.”

 

            “Not at all,” Kara said, her lips curling into a smile, as she rolled over, drawing Lena into he embrace. 

 

            Her skin smelled like coconut, and the smell of her shampoo was as familiar to Kara as her own. They had gotten used to all the small things about each other, and Kara squeezed her just a little bit tighter as she was filled with a rush of warmth. They were silent while Kara listened to her heart beating loudly in her ears and Lena listened to it with her ear pressed to Kara’s chest, aimlessly drawing patterns across her warm skin as Kara lay still with her eyes closed. Her touch was always so gentle, and Kara craved it more than she thought was a reasonable amount. It just always felt so right with Lena.

 

            “Hey,” Lena softly broke the silence, her voice hesitant as she idly ran her fingers across the bare skin of Kara’s chest, “can I ask you a question?”

 

            “Mhm.”

 

            “I don’t mean this in a bad way but … are you happy?”

 

            Eyes opening in surprise, Kara blinked for a few moments, letting her eyes adjust to the gloominess of the bedroom, before she shifted, staring up at the blank ceiling above her. “How is that a bad question?” Kara asked, her forehead wrinkling in confusion.

 

            She felt Lena shrug beside her, their arms brushing ever so slightly, and Kara turned her head to the side to look at her, taking in the shadowy outline of her, her dark hair an inky black as it pooled around her in stark contrast to the white pillows. “I don’t know.”

 

            Softly sighing, Kara looked back up at the ceiling. “I don’t know ... it’s a complicated question. I mean, I have a job and a loving family. I have friends and I have you. So yes … I am happy.”

 

            “But?”

 

            “Does there have to be a but?”

 

            “It doesn’t matter; there is one.”

 

            Blowing all the air out of her lungs, Kara closed her eyes, trying to muddle through her confusion to come up with a reasonable answer - one that Lena wouldn’t see through immediately. “I’m happy, but deep down … there’s something missing and I don’t know why. It’s all just a bit … confusing. Life.”

 

            “Yeah,” Lena sighed.

 

            “Are you happy?”

 

            “I’m happy with you.”

 

            “But what about when I’m not around?”

 

            “Are you going somewhere?”

 

            “Lena-”

 

            “I’m working on it,” she murmured, “it just hurts sometimes.”

 

            Squeezing her tightly against her chest, Kara blinked back the prickling feeling of tears, knowing that Lena’s loss was still a lot fresher than hers, and had left her with a pain that Kara could relate to in some ways. It had always been a sore topic for her, and Kara hated to hear that she was still hurting. It would be a long while before it went away - she knew that from her own personal experiences.

 

            “I’ll take that coffee now, if it’s okay,” Lena quietly said.

 

            “Okay,” Kara whispered, turning her head so that her lips gently brushed against Lena’s forehead. She gave her another squeeze - gentler this time - and then guided them both upright.

 

            Slipping out from beneath the covers, the wooden floor cold beneath her bare feet, Kara searched for her clothes in the gloominess of the room, her skin rippling with goosebumps. She found her jeans and sweater in the corner where she’d abandoned them, dressing quickly while Lena fumbled for her own clothes. Glancing over at her, Kara smiled slightly, watching as Lena clutched an armful of clothes to her chest. As if feeling Kara staring at her, Lena looked around, trying to find Kara, who conveniently took a heavy step towards the curtains. Head whipping around to face the direction the sound came from, Lena smiled.

 

            “I’m going to shower.”

 

            “I’ll get started on breakfast.”

 

            “You don’t want to join?”

 

            Quietly laughing, Kara rounded the bed and ducked down to kiss her, cupping Lena’s face between her hands. “I don’t want to distract you.”

 

            “You sound confident.”

 

            “Shouldn’t I be?” Kara shot back, an almost cocky look on her face, before she softly sighed and kisse Lena’s brow. “You should eat though. Pancakes today? Or do you want something that’s not breakfast food? A sandwich? Mac and cheese?”

 

            Shrugging indecisively, Lena gave her a dimpled smile, her clothes hugged to her chest. “You decide.”

 

            With another quick kiss, Kara ushered her out of the bedroom and opened the curtains, neatly making the bed as she listened to the pattering sound of water as the shower was turned on. Tidying up around the room, Kara cracked the window open and then made her way back downstairs, leaving the doors open along the top floor to let the salty sea breeze blow through the upper levels of the house, flooding the place with bright daylight. Back in the kitchen she set to work on making mac and cheese while the coffee machine ground beans, the rich aroma of fresh coffee perking her up slightly as she waited for Lena to come downstairs.

 

            It wasn’t too long before the sound of footsteps reached her ears, and Kara smiled as she turned around, absentmindedly stirring the pot on the stove as she watched Lena shuffle in, her damp hair curling at her temples and the sleeves of the black sweater she was wearing pushed up to her elbows. Making straight for the coffee pot, she felt her way to the clean cups in the cupboard and filled one for herself, before asking Kara if she had one and filling a second cup. Two bowls were quickly filled with the pasta and Kara watched as Lena disappeared down the hallway, returning with two coats - neither of them Kara’s, although one was intended for her. She graciously accepted the one that Lena thought was hers and slipped it on, carefully pressing a bowl into Lena’s hand and then following her over to the back door.

 

            In their puffy coats they sat out on the back steps, warming their hands with cups of coffee and making their way through the bowls of mac and cheese. It was a peaceful day, the sky the faintest shade of blue, so pale that it couldn’t quite be called white, and the sounds of hidden birds tweeting not too far off adding to the soothing serenity.

 

            “Did you walk the beach way today?”

 

            “Mhm.”

 

            “What does the sea look like?” Lena asked, an expectant look on her face as she waited for another one of Kara’s descriptions about the day.

 

            Kara smiled, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she leant over and kissed Lena’s shoulder, before resting her head on it and closing her eyes. “Well the sky isn’t very blue today - it’s so pale that it’s just  _ slightly _ off being white - and the sea’s this really dark colour. Maybe teal, I’d say. It’s not too windy, which’ll be good for tonight, and it’s all just … so still. Like the sea is waiting for the new year. Did you want to go for a walk?”

 

            “Maybe later,” Lena said, giving her a smile, “I need to get ready for tonight. I’ve got to clean up and go into town. What did you say Alex likes to drinks again?”

 

            Running a hand over her dark hair, Kara gave her a wide smile, “I’ve taken care of the cleaning, and Alex is on shopping duty. They’ll be here in a few hours. We’ve got a few Danvers traditions she’s taking care of.”

 

            “Oh, okay,” Lena said, a wary look on her face as she gave Kara an amused smile, “care to clue me in?”

 

            “Nope,” Kara laughed, poking her in her side and watching Lena squirm at the ticklish feeling, “it’s a surprise, Miss Luthor.”

 

            “I hate surprises. I mean, mostly it’s because I literally don’t see them coming, but I’m also used to getting what I want.”

 

            “Well I’m tougher than that. You won’t make me cave.”

 

            “Please?” Lena said in a wheedling tone, trying to coax their evening plans out of her stubborn girlfriend.

 

            Shovelling a large forkful of mac and cheese into her mouth so she wouldn’t have to answer, Kara laughed, trying not to choke on the mouthful as she took in the pleading look of innocence on Lena’s face. She wondered how many times that look had gotten her whatever she’d been asking for. Too many times, she’d wager. Eventually Lena stopped trying to persuade Kara to tell her what they were doing in the night, and they fell into comfortable silence as they finished their lunch and drank their coffee, enjoying the fresh air and the company.

 

            “What’re you thinking about?” Kara eventually asked, taking in the pensive look on Lena’s face.

 

            “You. Me. Us.”

 

            A slow smile curling her lips, Kara rested her forehead against the side of Lena’s head, holding her tight as they sat on the steps, the gentle crashing of waves a constant companion to the slight rustling of the wind. “Oh, do tell.”

 

            Shivering slightly, Lena let out a shuddering laugh, turning her head so that her nose brushed against Kara’s. Stealing a slow, lingering kiss, smiling when Kara chased after her lips, not willing to let it end, Lena let out a gentle sigh. “I just like you a lot. I love you.”

 

            Nose wrinkling as she smiled, Kara couldn’t help but blush at the flustering feeling of warmth at the simple admission of Lena’s feelings. It wasn’t that they rarely said it, it was just that it never failed to make her stomach flutter and remind her that there was someone who saw the good parts of her and accepted them. Kissing the underside of Lena’s jaw, Kara smiled more to herself than to Lena, watching as she wind played with dark strands of the other woman’s hair. “I love you too.”

 

\---

 

            The kitchen felt full with the addition of three more people, voices mingling and chairs scraping against the floor as coats were taken off and bags were set down. Sam had pulled up outside only a few minutes before, the start of sunset already turning the pale sky darker, and they were still getting the pleasantries out of the way. Kara was radiant with a sunny smile on her face, a childlike excitement taking hold inside at the thought of a fun night ahead, and she rifled through the bags that Alex had brought while Lena set a fresh pot of coffee on.

 

            “Jesus, Alex, how many marshmallows did you buy?” Kara exclaimed, pulling three bags out and raising her eyebrows.

 

            “Alex said we were making s'mores,” Ruby smiled, and Sam grimaced as she stroked her daughter’s hair.

 

            “A lot apparently,” Kara said, shaking her head as she put them back into the bag.

 

            She looked up to see Lena biting back a smile as she stared straight ahead, her hands moving as she arranged five cups in a row, a tub of hot chocolate powder on the counter for Ruby. Expression softening, Kara watched her, wondering what she found so funny. She didn’t question it though, she just watched as Lena made them all drinks and then went to help her carry them over to the table, moving bags out of the way as she reached for coasters.

 

            They were all sitting down, Ruby already absorbed in the games on her phone, and Lena arched an eyebrow questioningly. “What, are we camping?”

 

            Pouting, Kara frowned at her, “okay who ruined the surprise?”

 

            “S'mores, Kara,” Lena laughed, “I’m not an idiot.”

 

            “Fine. Every year we make a big bonfire on the beach and we cook over it.”

 

            “And get drunk,” Alex interrupted.

 

            “Yes, and get drunk,” Kara agreed, an excited look on her face at the thought of a good night. Looking amused, Lena nodded, taking a sip of coffee as she listened to their plans for that evening. “And there’s music and sparklers and football and lots of photos. Nothing fancy or big. Just us and a bonfire.”

 

            Biting her lip as she smiled, a spark of excitement in her eyes, Lena raised her eyebrows slightly with an eager look on her face, clutching her cup of coffee in her hands. “Sounds perfect.”

 

\---

 

            They huddled around the fire, the flames a flickering blue from the salt embedded in the washed up driftwood, and Kara looked at Lena, her face bathed in a lavender light as she held a stick out with two marshmallows skewered on the end. Smiling, Kara reached out and covered Lena’s hand with her own, gently guiding her forward so that the stick was actually hovering above the flames, and Lena closed her eyes for a moment, letting out an exasperated sigh, before giving Kara a wry smile filled with gratitude. Ducking down, Kara placed a quick kiss to Lena’s cheek and wrapped an arms around her shoulders, holding her own stick above the flames as she watched the marshmallows turn golden.

 

            Looking up, she met Sam’s stare, giving her a warm smile, which the other woman immediately returned. She couldn’t help but smile as she looked to Alex too, who was helping making s'mores out of the marshmallows Ruby had just toasted, looking happier than Kara had seen her in a while. It had taken her a while to realise that simplicity wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, and it didn’t have to fall into complacency, and the basic act of sitting around a campfire with people you loved didn’t make it any less meaningful than a life full of adventure. There was something reassuring about finding comfort and joy in the small things, and Kara perked up slightly, realising that she was in fact  _ very _ happy. 

 

            They made s;mores and cooked sausages over the fire, the smell of cooking meat and the almost sickeningly sweet sugary marshmallows mingling with the smoke from the burning wood. Every year since Kara had joined the Danvers family, this had been their New Year’s tradition, with the addition of beer once they were old enough, but it went back years before she’d arrived - she’d just been lucky enough to be included in it. She hoped Lena would take as much silly happiness from the bonfire on the beach and the s'mores and family time as she had after her parents’ death. It had always made that hole in her chest feel smaller. Curled up beside Kara, on a blanket spread out across the sand, Lena clutched a bottle of barely touches beer - apparently she still wasn’t much of a drinker - and was busy laughing at something Sam said, and Kara couldn’t help but smile at the sight. She suspected that Lena was enjoying herself just fine.

 

            The night grew darker and colder, but they didn’t feel it with the flickering warmth of the fire and the luminous full moon. All of them bundled up in their coats with blankets and alcohol to warm them - a thermos of hot chocolate for Ruby, which Lena stole cups of - were more than happy to brave the chill of the late December weather, despite the mildness of the day in comparison to the wetter weather they’d been having. A small portable radio, courtesy of Alex, played staticky eighties music on the radio all night, and as the hour grew later and some of them grew tipsier, they couldn’t help but dance. Kara held Lena close, swaying them back and forth slowly, as opposed to the wilder dancing of her sister, who was spinning Ruby around in dizzying circles. It was one of the best New Year’s Eve that Kara could remember having, with the waves crashing onto the sand mere metres away from them, the moonlight sparkling off the top of the water, the comfortingly familiar briny smell making her feel relaxed as the beer made her sleepy. 

 

            By the time midnight rolled around they were all rosy cheeked and in high spirits, holding sparklers as they traced patterns before them. Lena looked somewhat confused as she clutched hers tightly in her still hand, waiting for the clock to hit midnight. When it did, Kara was quick to kiss her, smiling into it as she felt Lena’s arms wrap around her neck. There was something about being tipsy on New Year’s Eve that made a kiss at midnight that much better, and they were both laughing by the time they pulled back, Kara weaving slightly on her feet, while Lena slowly blinked, her owlish eyes staring at Kara’s chin as she smiled brightly. She’d only had a couple of drinks all night but she looked a little dazed as she let Kara give her another swift kiss. There were more hugs and kisses on cheeks for Alex, Sam and Ruby, and then it was time for the younger girl to go to bed, her eyelids already drooping as she struggled to stay awake. 

 

            Alex went back up to the dark house with Sam and Ruby, bundled up blankets coated in sand tucked beneath one arm as she drunkenly sang, struggling across the dry sand further up the beach and tripping over clumps of grass in the sand dunes. Kara laughed as she watched her go, shaking her head as she picked up empty beer bottles and made sure they weren’t leaving any rubbish behind. Without the company of three extra people and a fuzzy radio, the night felt almost jarringly quiet as Alex’s loud singing faded. The fire was burning down to glowing embers, bathing their faces in a deep orange light as the last logs crumbled to ashes. She was still gathering everything together when Lena reached out and stopped her with a searching hand, and Kara looked up, her eyebrows rising slightly as she gave Lena an expectant look.

 

            “I don’t want to go back inside yet.”

 

            “Okay.”

 

            Leaving the trash, Kara settled down beside Lena, stealing some of the blanket wrapped around her and cuddling up close. She was feeling mellow and pressed up next to Lena made her feel cozy as she looked out at the sea, watching the way the moonlight sparkled on the water.

 

            “Will you do me a favour?”

 

            “Of course.”

 

            “Will you wait up with me? Until the sun rises. I’d like to know what the first sunrise of the year is like,” Lena said, a wistful look on her face.

 

            Kara’s expression softened, and she wrapped her arms around her just a little bit tighter, “of course I will.”

 

            And so they stayed outside for a couple more hours, first just sitting on the beach, talking in low voices as they listened to the waves, but then they decided to go for a walk, following their familiar path all the way up the sand dunes and along the tree-lined track towards the cliffs. Everything was in deep shadow, but the moonlight glistened on the occasional puddle caught in a dip in the path, or the silvery beads of water clinging to leaves and plants. Lena’s skin was bathed in the light, shining an alabaster white as she held onto Kara’s arm, each step carefully measured as they made their way up to the bluff. They stayed there a while, the waves rougher as they pounded on the rocks, and the wind a little stronger as it buffeted them with each gust, but it was peaceful, and they weren’t in a rush. Dawn was still a little ways off.

 

            By the time they made it back to the beach behind Lena’s house, sitting on the massive driftwood log as the wind found its way beneath the neck of their coats, ruffling their hair and bringing the strong briny smell of the water in with it, the sky was just starting to lighten. First it was just a lighter shade on the horizon, the barest hint of a deep blue against the stretch of inky blackness. Then it was a dark cobalt, giving way to indigo, then lightening to cerulean before the first warmth of the sun turned the horizon a fiery orange. The wispy clouds were steely grey, giving way to a soft rose coloured pink as the sun peeked over the edge of the waves, turning the steely waves to a dazzling yellow. Kara described it all, her hand clutched tightly in Lena’s as she painted a picture of everything she saw. Every shade was described, until the sky was a stretch of powder blue and the sun had hidden itself behind the blanket of grey clouds, leaching the colour out of the day and painting it in drab washed out shades of winter. Only then did they gather up the last of their things left on the beach, watching the wind scatter the ashes of their fire as they bundled up their blankets and struggled back up towards the grey house perched on the beachfront hand in hand.

 

            “So, how’s the new year looking?” Lena asked as they walked up the back steps, stamping clumps of sand off the soles of their shoes as they made their way up to the back door.

 

            “Decidedly better than the last one.”

 

            “Well that’s good.”

 

            Laughing, Kara raised their entwined hands and kissed along the bumps and dips of Lena’s knuckles, smiling as she held her hands tightly in her own. “It always is with you,” Kara murmured, staring at Lena’s pale skin almost glowing in the weak early morning sunlight. She was strikingly beautiful and Kara couldn’t stop herself from pulling her into a tight hug, rocking them gently as she held her close, breathing in her perfume and the smell of the beach, filled with so much love for her in that moment. “Happy New Year, Lena.”

 

            “Happy New Year.”

 

            They crept inside, kicking off sandy boots by the back door and unzipping their puffy coats. Kara’s eyes were burning from being awake for so long, and she stifled a yawn as she carefully locked the door behind her. Lena was already setting the kettle on to boil, pulling clean cups out of the cupboard as she yawned widely, although it would be a few hours before she was tired enough for bed. Fetching the milk, Kara walked over to her, wrapping her arms around Lena’s waist from behind and resting her chin on her shoulder. Trailing kisses along her pale neck, Kara smiled, watching Lena hesitantly reach out for the milk, marking its whereabouts as the kettle boiled. When her stomach started rumbling, Kara decided that it was a good time for breakfast, considering the fact that the sun was already up, and she rummaged through the cupboards for a box of Cornflakes, shaking some into two bowls and stealing the milk, before putting it back in the exact same spot. 

 

            The two of them made their way into the living room, beams of sunlight streaming in through the windows, and they curled up on the sofa, drinking their tea and eating their cereal as they basked in the warmth of the sunlight. It wasn’t too long after they finished that a still slightly tipsy Kara ended up falling asleep, wrapped up in the blanket dragged off the back of the sofa, and Lena was right there beside her, worming her way into Kara’s arms and listening to her heartbeat as she waited for sleep to come for her too. When slow footsteps came downstairs a few hours earlier, neither of them so much as stirred, fast asleep beneath the heavy blanket with the comforting feeling of the other’s arms around them.


	27. Chapter 27

            Two weeks later Kara found herself on a bus bound for National City, the grey skies and stretches of forest rolling past as she stared out at the black trunks of the towering pines, the comforting weight of Lena’s head on her shoulder as they rattled along in the Greyhound. It was the first time she was going to National City, and Kara found the journey a lot more enjoyable, sitting in the confines of the dusty old bus, the smell of tobacco and peppermint clinging to the itchy seats, even if Lena slept the entire ride there, with her sleeping schedule out of sorts again. Kara was free to work on her novel, her laptop balanced precariously on her knees and a pair of earphones plugged in as she listened to the CD of Lena’s compositions, the gentle hum of music cutting through the sound of the engine and the other passengers. All in all, it was a peaceful morning, and Kara was excited about their approaching evening, hoping that it would be fun - more so for Lena than herself, but she knew she’d have fun just being there with Lena.

 

            It was just before midday when they pulled into the bus station in the middle of the city, and Kara smiled brightly with excitement as she watched Lena stretch beside her. She’d been gently nudged awake by Kara on the outskirts of the city, and she was still trying to shake off the last vestiges of sleep as Kara scrambled for their bags. They filed down the aisle of the bus, Kara holding on tightly to Lena’s hand, and climbed off the bus, splashing into a puddle of dirty rainwater and into the gloomy weather. It was warmer there than in Midvale, but they still needed their coats as a faint drizzle misted around them, the smell of rain mingling with the polluted smell of the city. 

 

            They’d booked a hotel in the centre of the city, even though Alex and Sam had both offered to put them up for the night. Lena wouldn’t admit it, but Kara knew she didn’t like unfamiliar places, and at least a hotel was just the one room, and easier for her to maneuver around without accidentally tripping herself up. So they’d booked a hotel for the night, and Kara confidently led them through the city, block by block, excitedly pointing out familiar places to Lena as they walked down wet sidewalks glistening in the weak sunlight, traffic blaring past, making Lena anxiously squeeze Kara’s hand tighter. The city was considerably louder than their small town by the sea, and Kara had to gingerly sidestep people and forge paths through oncoming pedestrians to make sure Lena had a clear path. Her white cane was firmly folded in one of the bags that Kara was carrying as Lena’s stubbornness got the better of her. It was only a short walk to the hotel though, and soon enough they were checking in and standing in an elevator carrying them up to the twelfth floor. 

 

            The room that Lena had insisted on paying for turned out to be larger than Alex’s apartment, if Kara had to compare, and was a sparse room of marble and modernity. Setting the bags down, Kara crossed over to the wall of windows, peering out at the drizzly city as she smiled, a flicker of excitement stirring at the thought of a nice weekend with Lena in somewhere new. A jungle of chrome and metal buildings and the wet weather was far from a romantic getaway, but it was different, and they had a few exciting things planned to do, starting with lunch with Alex and Sam.

 

            “Is the room nice?” Lena asked, and Kara turned around, her expression softening as she took in the sight of Lena hovering just inside the door, unsure of her surroundings.

 

            Swiftly crossing the room, Kara reached out and took one of her hands in her own, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of it. “Uh, yeah, it’s just a  _ little _ bit fancy. Thank you.”

 

            Smiling, Lena gave her hand a quick squeeze, “may as well make the most of the trip, huh? Now, how long do we have before lunch?”

 

            “About an hour.”

 

            “Okay. What have you missed most about this place?” Lena asked, a smile playing on her lips as she arched an eyebrow, an expectant look on her face.

 

            Kara knew exactly where that was, and with a few minutes spent hanging up the dresses they were wearing to the concerto, a quick peek into the fully stocked minibar and the bathroom with the deep bath, they were back out in the plush hallway, making for the row of elevators. Crossing the lobby, they were soon back out into the miserable weather, and Kara made left, passing in front of designer stores and high-end restaurants in the wealthier part of the city. Following a familiar path, she led them down twisting streets, leaving behind the department stores and fancy restaurants as Kara avoided drains and manhole covers, much to Lena’s amusement. They didn’t go too far - there were still boutiques, bookstores and coffee shops lining the streets - but in the middle of the urban sprawl was a drop of green in the sea of monochrome grey. Kara perked up slightly at the sight of it, stopping at an intersection and waiting for the lights to change, before she hurried them both across the crosswalk.

 

            The little park nestled in the middle of the city blocks was like a breath of fresh air, the wilting flowers and bare trees feeling the air with the smell of decay as they stepped onto the cobblestoned path winding through flowerbeds and skeletal tree trunks, a few browning leaves clinging to their branches, which some of the heartier trees still held onto the green of their leaves. It was prettier in summer, but in the middle of the towering buildings and the smell of exhaust fumes, garbage and mixing foods, it was still fresh and clean and Kara loved nothing more than to go there with a good book or a frustrating article and find a seat on one of the peeling green wooden benches, or if it was a nice day with dry grass, beneath the canopy of a tree.

 

            Lena didn’t ask where they were, although Kara knew that she would be able to smell the difference - it just smelled  _ green _ \- she just kept her arm looped through Kara’s and let herself be aimlessly led along the brick path. It wasn’t a very large park, so Kara led them on a roundabout way to the middle, smiling at the sight of the large fountain in the middle. The water had been switched off for the winter, and the large pool at the bottom had been emptied, leaving behind puddles of water from the rain and streaks of mud and wet leaves clinging to the bottom. It had stopped drizzling by that point and she led Lena over to the low wall encircling the fountain, lowering her down onto it and taking a seat beside her. Breathing in deeply, Kara let out a sigh of content.

 

            “So, where did you bring me?” Lena asked, an amused look on her face.

 

            “A park.”

 

            “A park, huh? And what’s so special about this park? Why do you miss it so much?”

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Kara wrinkled her nose as she looked around. “You might’ve noticed that the city is … well, a city. No fresh sea air, or forests. Just a lot of cars, and people, and garbage. This park was like a little escape.” With a calm look of intrigue on her face, Lena looked straight ahead, her dark sunglasses hiding her eyes, but her engrossment in Kara’s explanation was clear as she listened. “I used to live five blocks away, and when I was working on articles or had a day off, I’d come here sometimes and work or read. In the summer there’s flowers everywhere - so many colours - and there’s an ice cream truck that parks on the north-east corner every Saturday and Sunday. I’ve never been one for mint chocolate chip, but the one from that van is  _ amazing _ . And then on the south-western corner of the park, every Tuesday from eleven, there’s a soft pretzel cart.”

 

            “Aha,” Lena said, her nose wrinkling as she smiled, “so it’s about the food.”

 

            “Maybe a little. I just really like it here. It’s peaceful. Everywhere in Midvale is peaceful because there’s not a lot of people and nothing much to do. It’s kind of hard to appreciate something when you have it all the time. I forget how much I miss the place until I come back.”

 

            Lena reached out and fumbled for Kara’s cheek, cupping it gently in a cold hand, and Kara flinched slightly at the burning coldness. Slowly reaching up, she covered Lena’s hand with her own, smiling as she removed it and held it tightly, reaching for her other hand and trapping them both between her own hands. Raising them to her mouth, Kara gently breathed on them, trying to rub some warmth into them as they sat in silence, listening to cars rush past, horns honking and people shouting just outside the secret oasis of the little park. 

 

            It felt like forever before Lena sighed heavily, her shoulders slumping slightly as if the weight of the world was resting on them, and she gave Kara a small smile. “You still miss it here.”

 

            Grimacing slightly, Kara placed a delicate kiss to the back of Lena’s hands and then let go. “Of course I do. And when I’m here, I miss Midvale. I guess that’s the problem with having two homes. Do you still feel like that about Metropolis?”

 

            “No.”

 

            “It must’ve made things easier for you then.”

 

            “The easiest decision I’ve ever made,” Lena said, a smile curling her lips, “besides agreeing to that first date with you. And that second. Everything with you is easy.”

 

            Smiling, Kara leant forward and stole a kiss, her cold lips warming against Lena’s as she tenderly brushed her hair out of her face. They stayed fifteen more minutes, talking and playing coy as they teased each other, before they left for their lunch date with Alex and Sam, heading back the way they’d come and turning right a block before their hotel. They were meeting at Noonan’s, a cafe not far from Alex’s that Kara used to frequent with her sister, and as they reached it, Kara spotted the two women already sitting at a booth and she eagerly pulled the door open, her hand pressed against Lena’s lower back as she guided her inside. The door swung shut behind them and Kara smiled at Alex over Lena’s shoulder, ushering her further into the room and carefully directing her through the twisting layout of the room with murmured instructions in her ear, until they came to the table waiting for them. Both women climbed to their feet and Kara wrapped her sister in a hug, while Sam similarly hugged Lena, before they all took their seats and fell into conversation.  

 

            “What time did your bus get in?” Alex asked, picking up her coffee cup as she looked to Kara for an answer.

 

            “Around eleven,” Kara replied, “we dropped our stuff off at the hotel and went for a walk.”

 

            “Doing some sightseeing?” Alex snorted.

 

            “Personally, no,” Lena dryly replied, her lips quirking up into a wry smile as she looked to the direction Alex’s voice had come from. Letting out an exasperated sigh, Alex shook her head, biting back a smile at Lena’s joke at her own expense. “We did go to a park though.”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Alex gave Kara a knowing look, “yeah, I know the one. I hope you didn’t ruin your appetite with those soft pretzels they sell at that cart.”

 

            “And risk being too full for lunch?” Kara scoffed, picking up her menu, “not a chance.”

 

            They all ordered their food, Kara quietly reading Lena the menu, and caught up as they waited for their meals to arrive. Kara ordered the chicken wrap and a mango smoothie, happily digging in as she listened to Sam tell them about Ruby’s school play, and then tried to dissuade Alex from throwing her the birthday party she was intent on trying to convince Kara to have in a couple of weeks. Lena bit back a smile as the sister’s bickered, and Kara had a sneaking suspicion that Alex was already planning a surprise for her. She was secretly touched by it, despite her protests, knowing that her sister had enlisted Lena’s help to try and give her a good birthday. Kara was just excited to spend it with someone she loved. 

 

            A few hours slipped by in the cafe as they enjoyed their lunch, laughing and joking as they ordered coffee and cake, enjoying the rare chance for the four of them to be in one place all together. It was nice for a change of scenery too - the other times they’d all been together had been at Eliza or Lena’s house. Eventually they parted ways though, with strict orders to enjoy themselves at a boring concerto, as Alex put it, and with the promise that they’d see them both tomorrow before Kara and Lena headed back to Midvale.

 

            Returning back to their hotel room as soon as they left Noonan’s, Kara convinced Lena to have a quick nap so she wouldn’t be tired later on, and amused herself by getting some writing done, before she soon drifted off too, the soft mattress and heavy blankets lulling her to sleep. When they woke again it was still light outside, with plenty of time for them to get ready, and Kara ran a bubble bath for them in the massive tub. They didn’t have to be at the concert hall until six, but she’d made dinner reservations for them at a nice restaurant beforehand, so they didn’t linger too long in the bath.

 

            It was still another hour before they were finally ready though, their sleek cocktail dresses zipped up, heels on and hair and makeup immaculate. Lena had tentatively asked Kara to do hers for her, and Kara had happily obliged, feeling proud of her handiwork as she studied Lena’s dark red lips and sharp cheekbones as she slipped her coat on. She’d never seen Lena so dressed up before, and she had to admit that she liked it - a lot - and had even carefully curled her hair for her. Kara suspected that it all came down to her wanting to look the part at such a posh event, and she was sure to mention at least a dozen times how beautiful she thought she looked, causing Lena to blush every time, a glow of happiness about her.

 

            Dinner was three courses, each one better than the last, ending with the best  crème brûlée that either of them could remember eating, and soon enough their tickets were being checked at the doors to the concert hall and they were being let inside. The night had turned cold with the setting of the sun, plunging the city into a dark twilight, lit up by a thousand lights from office buildings to neon bar signs and billboards, and they were both grateful for the stuffy warmth of the foyer. Relinquishing their coats to the coat check in exchange for a token, they made for the bar, enjoying a quick cocktail each before they were to head to their seats for the performance. They got a few mild looks of surprise as they lingered near the bar, and it took Kara a while before she realised that they were for Lena, and the knowledge that Lena was actually well known to these sorts of people was almost eye-opening for Kara. In some ways, Lena was  _ famous _ . The idea had never crossed her mind before, but up until a few years ago, she’d been a well known pianist, playing sold out concertos much like the one they were currently at. Silently reflecting on her sudden realisation, Kara made her way to the front of the queue at the bar and placed their drink order. Kara got herself a strawberry daiquiri and Lena insisted on getting a martini because it was a sophisticated drink in her opinion, although she’d never tried one before and by the looks of things, wouldn’t be buying another one. 

 

            By the time the crowds of elegantly dressed people started filing into the theatre, they were just finishing off their drinks, and a man with a clipboard was approaching them, greeted by a politely warm smile off Kara as he stopped before them. “Good evening, Miss Luthor,” he said, and Kara peeked at Lena out of the corner of her eye, taking in the blank look on her face as she didn’t recognise the voice. “Miss Argerich has requested that you be seated in the front row for her performance tonight. A gift to her old friend and her guest. If you’re ready to enter now I can show you to your seats.”

 

            Kara gave her a puzzled look of surprise as Lena nodded, setting her empty glass down on the bar and holding her arm out for Kara to take. They started following after the man, and Kara raised her eyebrows slightly, an accusation in her tone as she spoke. “You  _ know _ Martha Argerich?”

 

            Letting out a nervous laugh, Lena gave Kara a sheepish smile. “I may have performed with her a few times. I’ve known her since I was eight. I was already too good to be taught by that point, but she was kind of like a mentor to me for a while. It’s been a few years since I’ve seen her. Two, to be exact. She still sends me tickets to all of her shows though - and offers to perform with her. I had a few very strongly worded phone calls with her when I gave up.”

 

            “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

 

            “I don’t know, it almost would’ve felt like bragging.”

 

            “Hey, wait a second, so you could’ve come to this show anyway, but you didn’t want to?”

 

            Giving her a guilty look, Lena shrugged helplessly, “yes.”

 

            “With better tickets than I bought for us?”

 

            “It’s the thought that counts, honey, and I appreciate this so much. It’s going to be a great night.” Lena reassuringly patted the back of Kara’s hand, giving her a dazzling smile, and Kara couldn’t help but laugh. 

 

            Shaking her head with amusement, Kara sighed softly, giving Lena a loving look. She ducked her head down and pressed a careful kiss to her cheek, making sure she didn’t leave a lipstick mark behind, and couldn’t stop smiling about it the whole way to their seats. They were remarkably better seats than the ones she’d been lucky enough to get for them, and Kara found herself getting excited for the show, even though it was for Lena. It crossed her mind that Lena would’ve heard most of the songs being played, but Kara knew that it wouldn’t take away from it being an excellent show; she could listen to Lena play the same songs for hours and still have it take her breath away. She had no doubt that Martha Argerich would be just as awe inspiring. 

 

\---

 

            A few hours later they were joining the flow of other people out of the theatre, the last few notes of music still ringing in their ears, and Kara couldn’t stop smiling. It had been indescribably beautiful and she could tell that Lena felt the same way. She couldn’t stop gushing about the music as Kara slowly led them down the aisle. The loud voices of people voicing their opinions or making comments was an unintelligible din, expensive tuxedos and tasteful cocktail dresses a sea of colour as everyone filed out, and Kara was still excited after the show and didn’t want to leave as they left the theatre and came out into the lobby. They decided to stick around for one more drink before leaving, and Kara returned to Lena’s side with two flutes of champagne not too long after. 

 

            “So, did you enjoy yourself?” Lena asked, a coy smile on her lips as she quirked an eyebrow.

 

            Kara laughed, rolling her eyes as she took a sip from her glass. “She’s incredible! Now I know why she’s the best in the world. Although, I still prefer your music.”

 

            “Why, because it’s about you?” Lena laughed.

 

            “Duh. It’s good for my ego,” Kara joked, “come on, let’s go and see if any armchairs are still free.” She took hold of Lena’s hand and started leading her through the crowd of other people visiting the bar before they left, hoping to find some free seats in the quiet corner of plush leather armchairs and sofas that she’d seen earlier on when they’d arrived. They didn’t quite make it that far.

 

            “Lena?”

 

            At the sound of her name being called by a deep voice, Lena froze so abruptly that Kara nearly overbalanced when Lena didn’t follow her movements. Turning to look for the source of the voice, Kara’s eyes landed on a tall, attractive man staring at Lena with wide, dark eyes, looking more than just a little surprised to see her there. He didn’t even glance at Kara, who withdrew her arm from Lena’s, clutching her champagne flute with both hands as she took in Lena’s rigid posture and the man’s surprise. The tension between them was thick. She didn’t even have to ask to know who it was.

 

            “What are you doing  _ here?” _ Jack asked after overcoming his initial shock.

 

            Lena opened and closed her mouth a few times, taking a little bit longer to overcome her own shock, and she turned her head slightly, almost as if she was about to look at Kara, but thought better of it. Clearing her throat, Lena stared at the shoulder of Jack’s expensive suit, a dozen emotions flickering across her face. “Jack.”

 

            “I’m surprised to see you. I haven’t heard from you since- well, you know. Hey, how’ve you been?”

 

            “Fine.”

 

            “Good. That’s good. I, uh, I heard that you stopped playing.” At the slight narrowing Lena’s eyes and the hardening of her face, he let out a nervous laugh, a sheepish smile on his face as he shrugged. “Your mom told me. You wouldn’t answer any of my calls so …”

 

            “I didn’t have anything to say.”

 

            “Yeah. Well, I figured when you returned the ring that it was-”

 

            “This is Kara,” Lena cut him off, gesturing to her right, even though Kara was a few feet behind her, awkwardly hovering as she watched the uncomfortable interaction unfold before her. 

 

            Jack’s dark eyes moved to her, a polite smile gracing his face as he held out a hand. Stepping around Lena, Kara firmly shook it, returning the smile, even though her mind was reeling slightly. “Nice to meet you, I’m Lena’s …”

 

            “Girlfriend,” Lena eventually said when Kara wasn’t sure what to say. This was her ex - an ex that she was seeing for the first time since leaving him - and there was clearly unfinished business there that Kara hadn’t been aware of. It wasn’t like she didn’t know  _ what _ they were, she was just unsure of whether Lena wanted other people to know. People she weren’t close to anymore. Apparently she’d panicked for no reason.

 

            Kara had to give Jack credit, he concealed his hurt well, just the briefest look of betrayal flickering across his face as his mouth turned down slightly at the corners. And then his smile was back, as charmingly friendly as it had been a few moments before, and Kara busied herself with taking a sip of her champagne as she found herself speechless, unsure what to make of the whole situation.

 

            “Well, I’m, uh, glad you’re happy,” Jack eventually said, his focus back on Lena, who was staring stonily ahead. 

 

            When it became clear that Lena didn’t want to contribute more than a few words to the conversation, Jack too the hint and made himself scarce, parting with a friendly goodbye, leaving Kara standing behind Lena. They were silent for a few moments, the sounds of too loud voices in the foyer as people milled around the bar or collected their coats, and then Lena snapped out of it, draining her champagne flute in one mouthful and clutching the glass tightly in one hand.

 

            “We should go.”

 

            Draining the rest of her own drink, Kara plucked Lena’s empty glass out of her hand and carried them over to the bar, depositing them on the side and turning back around. She stared at Lena, standing exactly where Kara had left her, a stiff set to her shoulders as her eyes blindly darted back and forth. She looked lost amongst the sea of other guests, unsure of her surroundings and Kara felt a dull ache in her chest. Slowly weaving her way back through the crowd, she gently touched Lena on the arm, making her jump at the sudden contact, and began propelling her towards the coat check, fishing out their token and helping Lena into hers, her quick fingers buttoning it up for her.

 

            It was raining when they stepped out onto the street, the city lights reflected off the puddles already pooling on the sidewalk, glowing a blurry orange, and an involuntary shiver ran down Kara’s spine. Murmuring for Lena to stay in the alcove of the doors, Kara walked out into the rain, the shoulders of her coat quickly wet with large dark spots, her hair sticking to her cheeks and forehead as she splashed through puddles and flagged down the first taxi she saw. Red break lit up as the cab slowed, and Kara rushed back over to Lena, her heels clicking loudly on the pavement as she hurried. Wrapping an arm around her waist, Kara guided her over to the cab, opening the back door and ushering her inside before slipping in after her. 

 

            It was almost suffocatingly warm inside the cab, their driver a friendly balding man who talked non-stop as his passengers dried off in the back, both of them silent, sitting on either side of the cab, a few feet between them which somehow felt like a mile. They’d had a nice night, but the mood had soured in just a few minutes, and Kara brooded the entire ride back to their hotel, sneaking peeks at Lena every few seconds as she fought the urge to speak. 

 

            As soon as the cab pulled up outside their hotel, Kara handed the driver a few crumpled bills and unbuckled her seatbelt, sliding out of the car with a curt thanks, her hand reaching out to help Lena out after her. Slamming the door shut, she walked towards the welcoming yellow light of the hotel lobby, passing through the doors and into the warmth. The man behind the concierge’s desk greeted them as they walked towards the row of elevators, the quiet hum of voices and staff going about their jobs mingling with the soft sounds of a piano coming from one of the hotel restaurants off to their left. The ride up to their room was tense, the silence stretching on and on and the suspense building to the point where Kara was on edge as they walked down the hallway. The room was cold as she stepped inside, inserting the key card and flooding the room with light. With a weary sigh she tossed her purse onto the bed and kicked her heels off.

 

            “So, a ring, huh?” Kara eventually said, breaking the tense silence as she unbuttoned her coat and tossed it onto the bed, alongside her purse. Glancing up at Lena, Kara took in the rigid posture and Lena’s closed eyes, a muscle in her clenched jaw twitching. “Engaged? Or married?”

 

            Her tone was casual, or she hoped it was close to it, but she felt a flicker of betrayal inside as she watched Lena, who was still standing just inside the door. It was a few moments before she sighed heavily, taking a hesitant step further into the room and slowly making her way over to the bed. Kara watched her feel her way across the heavy covers of the bed, sitting down on the edge and staring blankly ahead. “Engaged.”

 

            “Ah,” Kara murmured, crossing her arms over her chest as she leant back against the desk. Falling silent for a few moments, she let the weight of the knowledge settle in her mind, and then she gave Lena a tight smile. “You didn’t think that was something I should’ve known?”

 

            “I didn’t think it mattered,” Lena quietly replied.

 

_             “Didn’t think it mattered? _ You were  _ engaged _ , Lena, to someone else,” Kara heatedly replied, a feeling of anger welling up inside, “you wanted to spend the rest of your life with someone else at one point. Someone who’s not me. And you conveniently forgot to mention it when you told me about your ex- _ boyfriend.  _ What part of that doesn’t matter?”

 

            Letting out a withering sigh, Lena unbuttoned her coat and pulled it off, a solemn look on her face as she folded it and set it down beside her, before kicking off her heels. Climbing to her feet, she reached behind her, fumbling for her zip, and Kara let out a huff of frustration, walking over to her and turning her around, jerking the zipper down a little rougher than was necessary as she waited for Lena to answer her. The black dress Lena was wearing slipped off, pooling around her feet, leaving Kara staring at the pale expanse of her back, each bump in her spine evident as Lena hunched her shoulders, her head ducked down as she pulled the pins out of her hair, letting her dark hair tumble around her shoulders.

 

            “I never loved him, you know,” Lena sighed, a tiredness to her voice as she stood with her back to Kara. It was almost as if she was ashamed to face her, even though she couldn’t see her anyway. “I mean, I did in some small way - of course I did - but it was more of a … back up.”

 

_             “Back up?”  _ Kara echoed, letting out a loud laugh.

 

            “I’m not perfect, Kara. I’ve never pretended that I was. I told you that I was spoilt and vain and selfish, and yes, I might not be all of those things now, but I  _ was _ . And with Jack … I was very selfish. I know I was. He was in love with me - he probably still is - and I did a shitty thing and let him think that I loved him too. The truth is, I was just scared that I’d end up alone, or I’d end up like my mom. So yeah, I got engaged, and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to react like … well,  _ this.” _

 

            “Like  _ what?” _ Kara spluttered.

 

            Closing her eyes, Lena let out a huff of frustration, running a hand through her hair and slowly sitting back down on the edge of the bed. She looked small as she drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, her chin resting on top. There was a look of shame in her eyes, and so much sadness that Kara’s anger wavered slightly. Turning away from her, Kara walked over to her bag and pulled out her pyjamas, unzipping her own dress and quickly changing as she waited for Lena’s next excuse.

 

            “You’re scared that everyone’s going to leave you. I  _ know _ you are. And I knew that you’d be hurt when you found out the truth, because  _ I  _ left  _ him.  _ You’ve lost so much, and if I left him so easily then surely I could do that to you too, right? You’d think that just because I didn’t love him that maybe I’m lying about my feelings for you, but it’s  _ not _ true. I didn’t want you to doubt me.”

 

            “That’s a bullshit excuse.”

 

            “It’s the truth! What else do you want me to say? What difference does it make? It doesn’t change anything between us, does it?”

 

            “Of course it doesn’t,” Kara indignantly replied, fetching Lena’s pyjamas and some makeup wipes. The former she handed off to Lena, who slowly started pulling them on, while Kara looked at herself in the mirror above the vanity and angrily scrubbed at her face, smearing mascara and lipstick in her frustration. “So why didn’t you tell me?”

 

            “Because I didn’t want you to look at me the way I know you’re looking at me,” Lena exclaimed, her voice sounding loud in the sudden silence after Kara’s question. Kara turned around and walked over to her, dropping down to her knees, and reached out with a clean face wipe, starting to remove Lena’s for her, but her hand was knocked aside as Lena jerked her head backwards. “I’m blind, Kara, but I’m not deaf. I can  _ hear _ you.”

 

            Reaching out, Kara gently cupped Lena’s cheek in her hand, frowning as she stared at her, “you know how I feel about lying. We’ve never lied to each other. That was our thing.”

 

            “Our  _ thing?  _ Trust isn’t a  _ thing _ , it’s  _ normal _ . Our thing is … I don’t know, music, or walks on the beach.”

 

            “It’s a thing when your ex cheated on you.”

 

            “Well I  _ didn’t _ cheat on you! Quite the opposite, actually, if, as you say, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone.”

 

            “You still lied!”

 

            “I would’ve told you.”

 

            “When?”

 

            “I don’t know. Soon. There were so many times I tried- I didn’t want to spoil things. And I don’t want to spoil tonight either. Can’t we just go to bed? I’ve had a great night and I don’t want to argue with you over this. We can talk about it more in the morning.”

 

            Scoffing, Kara silently returned to removing the rest of Lena’s makeup for her, before disappearing into the bathroom and washing her face. She was brushing her teeth when Lena joined her, both of them silently standing before the wide sink. On her way out, Kara switched the light off, knowing that it made no difference to Lena, and claimed the left side of the bed. Slipping her contacts out, she climbed into bed and switched the main light off, pummeling her pillow into shape and burying her face in it. She heard the quiet, careful footsteps padding towards the bed, and the sound of the sheets slithering as Lena pulled them back and climbed into bed. It was a big bed - big enough that they could both spread out and still not touch each other - and Kara was so irritated, blinking back the prickling feeling of angry tears, that she made no move to go to Lena. Whatever Lena was feeling, it stopped her from reaching out for Kara as well, and the space between them felt huge in the dark. The dark never bothered Lena - her life was a permanent galaxy of colours and stars, like squeezing your eyes shut for too long - but for Kara, it filled her with loneliness as she wrapped herself in the blankets for warmth, instead of the arms of the woman just a few feet away. 

 

            “I love you,” Lena murmured after a few minutes.

 

            Closing her eyes, Kara exhaled forcefully, swallowing the lump in her throat as she replied. “Yeah. Sure.”

 


	28. Chapter 28

            “Ah yes, thank you, I’ll just … read this,” Lena sarcastically said, holding the laminated menu the waitress gave her as she stared just past Kara.

 

            “Two pancakes with bacon and two black coffees please,” Kara told the waitress, plucking the menu out of Lena’s hands and handing them back to the waitress with a strained smile.

 

            They fell into silence as soon as the waitress left, the hum of the music in the diner mingling with the sounds of voices and the occasional ding of a bell whenever an order was up. Running her fingers over the cracks in the red vinyl seats, Kara avoided looking at Lena. The sound of cups being set down shook her out of her absent-mindedness and Kara smiled at the waitress as she pulled a cup towards her and nudged the other one closer to Lena. With the assurance that their food would be ready soon, the waitress left, and Kara shifted in her seat, turning her attention to the street outside the window. It wasn’t raining today, but the dreary weather seemed to leach the colour out of everything - or perhaps that was just Kara’s downcast mood - but it was stuffy inside the diner, and they didn’t feel the wind that chased leaves down the street and turned the occasional umbrella inside out as Kara watched people hurry down the street. The smell of bacon seemed to invigorate Kara a moment later when a plate stacked high with her food was placed in front of her. She was still taking a sip of her coffee, and was quiet as they were left alone, feeling the silence weigh down on her.

 

            “Well it  _ looks _ great,” Lena eventually said, a cool look on her face as she arched an eyebrow at Kara. Their silence was usually so comfortable that they didn’t need to fill it with needless chatter, but the tension was so thick between them that morning and Lena hated it, letting out a withering sigh as she set her cutlery back down. “Come on, Kara, you can’t still be mad at me. I’m sorry.”

 

            “Okay.”

 

            “Don’t just say okay when it’s clearly not,” Lena said, a faint frown creasing her forehead as she reached out for her coffee, her long fingers searching as she slowly moved her hand across the table. Kara reached out and gently pushed the cup into her hand. “If you’re not going to accept my apology then tell me what you’d like me to say so you  _ can _ forgive me.”

 

            Picking up her cutlery, Kara cut a piece of bacon off, spearing it on her fork and twirling it slightly as she brooded. She had a headache from the champagne they’d been drinking last night, and she was feeling just a little bit sorry for herself. “I don’t know.”

 

            Spluttering, Lena gave her a helpless gesture, her hands spread before her for emphasis. She over-emphasised though, knocking over the salt shaker, and Kara tutted, sweeping the tiny crystalline grains into her hand and reaching out for Lena’s. She tipped the salt into her left palm and then gave her a tiny smile.

 

            “Over the left shoulder,” Kara told her, “it’s, uh, supposed to blind the devil.”

 

            “What?” Lena snorted with laughter, her eyebrows rising slightly as she gave Kara an amused look, obediently tossing the salt over her shoulder anyway to comply with Kara’s strange superstitions. 

 

            “Judas. You know, from the bible. Spilling salt symbolises treachery now, so … a pinch over your left shoulder,” Kara lamely explained.

 

            Nodding slowly as if it made sense, Lena dusted off her palms and picked up her cutlery. They descended into silence again, slowly eating their breakfast as they both fought the urge to say something. It wasn’t the time or place for them to get into the details, and they both knew they were better off waiting, rather than needlessly making things worse than they had to be.

 

            They’d gotten up that morning and packed away their things, showering together despite their frosty demeanour with each other, before they went to Alex’s to say a quick goodbye to her before she went to work. Sam came by with Ruby too, so they didn’t have to make another stop before leaving, and neither of them seemed to guess that there was anything wrong between the couple. The presence of family and friends eased the tension, and they were both honest about how fun the concerto had been the night before - it  _ had _ been fun, and they’d both enjoyed the performance - and it was easy for them to keep their private business to themselves. They might have always been honest with each other, but that didn’t mean that they were okay with airing their problems in public, even if it was with Alex and Sam. It hadn’t changed anything though, because they were just as silent when they walked to the diner for breakfast. Neither of them said anything as they ate their food, and Kara was almost tempted to ask if she liked the pancakes - Kara personally thought they were the best ones in the area - but she knew that it would be the wrong thing to say. Lena wouldn’t just ignore their argument if things weren’t okay between them.

 

            The bus wasn’t the right place to talk either. Instead, she read one of the battered novels she’d brought with her, Lena’s music playing in her ears and making her feel even more frustrated, while Lena sat rigidly in her seat, tapping out rhythms on the arms of the seat as if envisioning piano keys. She would probably be glad to get home and back to her music; no doubt she’d have something to compose about their evening. And soon enough she was asleep, chin against her chest in a position that would surely make her neck sore, and Kara couldn’t stop herself from slowly guiding Lena’s head down onto her shoulder. They stayed that way the rest of the bus ride home, the miles disappearing beneath their wheels as they hugged the winding path up the coast. It hadn’t been raining, but the streets were still wet, and a thin veil of fog shrouded the city as they left it behind, the feeble yellow and red glow of lights smudge in the haziness.

 

            It was a fine day in Midvale though as they pulled up to the stop, collecting their bags and disembarking the Greyhound, and Kara held onto Lena’s hand, guiding her towards the main street of town. Ordinarily they would’ve walked home from the middle of town, taking their time as they walked along the beach, but with their bags and the stiff silence between them, Kara opted for a cab, stowing their bags in the trunk and sitting in the back beside Lena. She knew the cab driver - it wasn’t like Midvale had too many of them - and he pestered them with well-meaning questions about their trip to National City as he drove through the thin strip of trees bordering on the coast. Kara asked the cab driver to wait when they pulled up outside Lena’s house, and Lena let out a small sound of protest but didn’t argue as she warily climbed out of the car. Fetching her bag for her, Kara took her hand and led her to the bottom of the garden path, walking her all the way up to the door and waiting for Lena to let herself inside, before she set her bag down in the hallway and paused for a moment.

 

            “I’ll call you tomorrow,” Kara said.

 

            “Kara, wait-”

 

            Giving her arm a quick squeeze, Kara gave her a wounded look, “I just need a few minutes to myself.”

 

            Lena didn’t say anything, just nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat, and Kara let her hand linger on Lena’s arm for a few minutes before she let go and stepped back outside. Closing the door behind her after a quiet goodbye, she made her way back to the cab and let the driver take her back to Eliza’s house, feeling the knot inside her unwind slightly at the comforting sight of the white house with the glimpse of the sea behind it. She handed a few bills over to the driver and collected her bag, heading up the path and letting herself in. Eliza was in work, as always, and Kara wondered if she was working in the lab, or if she’d been called in for surgery, thinking about what they could have for dinner as she unlocked the front door.

 

            All at once the house seemed unwelcoming. It was cold - a window must’ve been left open somewhere, letting in a draught - and too quiet. Dumping her bag on the bottom step of the staircase, Kara went to the kitchen and turned the thermostat on, before switching on the radio and letting the staticky sound of the station it was tuned into fill the room with noise. She usually felt comfortable with silence, but her thoughts were deafening, making her feel guilty, and she wanted to drown them out right now instead of wallowing in them. She needed  _ more _ noise.

 

            Soon enough, the sound of the TV joined the music and the washing machine was whirring as she did her laundry and whatever Eliza had in the hamper too. There was comfort in the smell of the lemon washing detergent and the act of folding the towels she found in the dryer, carrying them upstairs to the linen closet and neatly putting them away. Then she set about emptying the rest of her bag, putting everything back where it belonged and arranging things out of place. It didn’t help much with her busy thoughts.

 

            In her head, she’d envisioned the weekend going perfectly, and Kara was mad that it hadn’t gone to plan. Part of that anger was at herself, but she didn’t know what to say to Lena, because she was hurt that Lena hadn’t told her. She didn’t know the whole story though, and with the radio in the kitchen turned up too loud for her to even think clearly, she realised she needed to talk to Lena. Nothing was ever solved through silence. As she came to her realisation she felt something vibrating.

 

            Her phone started ringing and Kara fished it out of her pocket, looking down to see Lena’s name on the screen. With a rush of longing, Kara realised that she didn’t want to fight with Lena. In just a few hours, she felt like a wide chasm had opened up between them, and now she missed Lena, which felt completely ridiculous considering the fact that she’d only just left her. But as soon as she’d seen her name light up her phone, Kara had realised that she missed her, and all of her anger had gone. She’d forgiven her the second her phone had started ringing, her heart aching slightly.

 

            “Hello?” Kara quietly answered the call.

 

_             “I’m outside,” _ Lena hesitantly replied.

 

            “You- what?”

 

_             “Can I come in?” _

 

            Hanging up, Kara walked over to the window overlooking the front of the house, craning her neck as she tried to see Lena. She wasn’t there and Kara frowned, quickly crossing the room and pulling open her bedroom door. Her feet drummed on the steps as she made her way downstairs, yanking open the front door and staring out at the grey day. With a sigh, she shut it and walked down the hallway, heading for the back door. This time when she opened it, Lena was standing there, bundled up in her coat with her dark sunglasses covering her eyes. Kara suddenly felt tired, reaching out to pull Lena inside into the warmth.

 

            “Tea? Coffee?”

 

            “Tea please,” Lena murmured, hovering uncertainly inside the door.

 

            Kara set some water on to boil and glanced over at Lena, who was still standing there, before walking over to her and taking her by the elbow and leading her over to the table, placing her hand on the back of a chair. Lena did the rest, shedding her puffy coat and sinking down onto the seat, her hands clasped in front of her on the table as she waited for Kara to join her. 

 

            “Did you walk straight here?” Kara asked, thinking about how long it took to walk the beach path from Lena’s house to hers, and how long ago she’d dropped Lena off outside of her house. She must’ve dropped her bags off inside and left straight away.

 

            “Yeah. I just- I don’t want us to fight, Kara.”

 

            Silently listening to the water boil, Kara fetched two clean cups and the milk from the fridge. There was three-quarters of an orange and almond sponge cake that Eliza had made sitting in the pantry, and Kara cut two slices for them, carrying them over to the table and returning to fill the cups up with the boiling water. Watching as it turned a deep amber as the tea steeped, she picked her words carefully, waiting until she’d stirred in some milk and carried the cups over to the table before she spoke.

 

            “I don’t want to fight either. I’m sorry.”

 

            “I know I should’ve told you, I just- everything’s been so great lately. I meant it when I said that everything is so easy with you,” Lena said, wrapping her hands around her cup and ducking her head, hiding her face by a curtain of dark hair.

 

            Reaching out, Kara brushed it back and tucked it behind Lena’s ear, tilting her head up by her chin so that she could look at her face properly. “I know it’s easy, which is why I’m upset that you didn’t feel like you could trust me with something that wouldn’t change anything. I’m not mad that you were engaged to someone else, I just wish you would’ve told me instead of opting for secrecy to make it  _ easier _ .”

 

            “I know, but I need you to see if from  _ my _ point of view. You’re taking some that’s about  _ me _ and turning it into something that’s about  _ us,  _ and I know that it’s something I should’ve shared with you when we started dating, maybe, but I have my reasons why I didn’t. Okay so maybe keeping it a secret for the sake of my own pride isn’t a  _ good _ reason. Maybe it’s selfish. But I didn’t want you to think less of me for agreeing to marry someone without actually  _ wanting _ to.”

 

            “When did you send the ring back?”

 

            Sighing, Lena closed her eyes for a brief moment, before giving Kara a piercing stare. “The day after you brought me those flowers and told me you liked me. I … feel things deeply. I already liked you then, and when you said you might like me … I sent him the ring back. The truth is, I was holding onto it in case I got lonely, because I knew without a doubt he’d take me back. That’s who he is. I told you, he always wanted to save me. We were only engaged for six weeks - did I tell you that part? He proposed two weeks after my brother died, hoping to make me feel better about the people I love leaving, as if I was supposed to be  _ comforted  _ by the fact that he was still there and my brother was dead. It wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t  _ anything _ . I said yes because when else was a nice person going to propose to  _ me?  _ I’ve known him practically my whole life, and he’s always been the heroic saviour.  _ Oh look at Jack, isn’t he brave for dating the poor blind girl?  _ I got that a lot. I always hated it. We were both selfish with each other, because I didn’t really love him, I just didn’t want to be alone, and he wanted someone to save and make himself look better, and yes, he was in love with me and I took advantage of that. So we were engaged for six weeks, and then I left, and I didn’t tell him I left, I just … left. And I stopped answering his calls and his messages, and I guess he took the hint, and my mom must’ve told him where I was, but eventually he stopped calling. But I didn’t give him the ring back because I knew if I ever wanted to go back to him, he’d take me back in a heartbeat. So … that’s everything.”

 

            “And you sent it back because of … me?”

 

            With a wry smile, her eyes shining slightly with tears, Lena shrugged. “You never wanted to save me, or pity me, or make me feel like I wasn’t enough just as  _ me _ . You think I’m smart and funny, and you watch me play and never get impatient when it takes me longer to do things. And … for the first time, I didn’t feel like I had to  _ settle _ .” She let out a sad laugh, giving Kara a loving look. “And you called me  _ music girl _ , and no one’s ever given me a nickname except my brother, and I just- I felt like I had a home again after so long. You made me hurt a little bit less. I have less bad days with you.”

 

            She detached a hand from her cup and stretched it out across the wooden table, her fingers searching for Kara’s, and Kara gave her a soft smile as she reached out, her fingers brushing the back of Lena’s hand. Lena turned her hand over to hold Kara’s hand and Kara tutted at the shallow scrapes on the palm of her hands. She’d fallen over on the way over. Grains of sand and dirt clung to the red rawness of the grazes and Kara pushed her chair back, the legs scraping on the floor, as she climbed to her feet. 

 

            “Your hands.”

 

            “It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt,” Lena murmured.

 

            Letting go, Kara walked over to the sink, squatting before the cupboards underneath as she searched for the small first aid kit Eliza kept amongst the bottles of cleaning products, coming up with the battered plastic box and carrying it back over to the table. She dropped down into the chair and opened it up, rummaging through the contents and coming up with some antiseptic wipes. Tearing one open, she reached out for Lena’s hand and pulled it towards her, tenderly cradling it in her left hand while Lena uncurled her fingers, exposing the shallow cuts.

 

            “This will sting,” Kara murmured.

 

            Lena sucked in a sharp breath as Kara started cleaning the cuts, quietly apologising as she worked, and then she reached for her other hand, which had similar grazes, repeating the process again. Lena sat in stoic silence, occasionally fumbling for her cup of tea or blindly searching for her cake with the little fork set on her plate. Kara was quick and practical, making sure she cleaned them properly before she smothered them in a thin layer of antibiotic cream and stuck some gauze over them. Finishing the left palm, Kara gently patted the back of her hand in a reassuring gesture, before kissing the back of Lena’s knuckles and giving her a grim smile.

 

            “Try and be more careful, please.”

 

            “Yeah. Sure.”

 

            Wincing slightly at what she knew was an unintentional reiteration of her words from last night, Kara quickly packed everything up and threw the wrappers and wipes in the bin, before sitting back down and taking a sip of tea. Lena had done a lot of talking, and Kara knew that she should say something too. Running her finger around the rim of the china cup, Kara let out a sigh.

 

            “I think … I was too harsh on you last night. And I came off as insecure, and childish because I wasn’t the first person you picked. That’s not what I- it came out wrong, and that’s not what I was upset about. I was upset that you didn’t tell me and I’m sorry for trying to lump you in with Mike, that was … shitty, and I know it’s nowhere even close to being the same. I was just hurt. But you were wrong; I don’t look at you any different for realising that you deserved better. I’m not scared that you’ll leave me for someone else if you get bored. I  _ know _ it’s different. I’m sorry.”

 

            “I know you were upset. I’m  _ sorry _ for upsetting you. I didn’t want to and I didn’t-”

 

            “It’s okay, you don’t have to apologise,” Kara murmured, feeling a little bit ashamed of the fact that Lena felt the need to apologise when it had been her overreacting.  _ “I’m  _ sorry though. I hope you can forgive me.”

 

            With a quick laugh, Lena gave her a soft smile, gently stroking the back of Kara’s hand with her slender fingers. “I do. Of  _ course _ I do. I love you.”

 

            Closing her eyes, Kara drew in a slow breath, a slight smile curling the corners of her mouth. “I know. I love you too.”

 

            “I’d really like to kiss you now, if that’s okay.”

 

            Rising out of her seat, Kara leant across the corner of the table, cupping Lena’s cheek and tilting her head up, before she slowly kissed her. And then kissed her again. She was smiling into the third one, and then they were both laughing as the kisses got clumsier. “I’m sorry,” Kara mumbled against her lips.

 

            Lena hummed into the next kiss, and Kara could feel the smile. “I never want to argue with you again. I don’t like it.”

 

            “Yeah, I guess that was our first fight, huh? Sorry. I’ll try not to be too dramatic next time.”

 

            “Next time? How many secrets am I hiding?”

 

            “I’m sure there’s a good reason for them,” Kara laughed, “and you have a right to keep them from me. I’m sorry for thinking that you’re not allowed privacy. I think … I might’ve been a little bit jealous.”

 

            Pulling back, Lena raised her eyebrows slightly, her green eyes widening as she smiled slightly, “jealous? Of Jack? Why?”

 

            Running her fingers through Lena’s hair as she hovered above her, a serious look on her face as she brooded, Kara grimaced slightly. “You told me you’d never felt about anyone else the way you feel about me. For a moment … I thought that maybe you  _ had.  _ In the past, well, I haven’t always been made to feel like I was a priority in someone’s life, and I thought that maybe I wasn’t as special to you as you make me feel like I am.”

 

            With an exasperated sigh, Lena held her arms open and Kara rounded the corner of the table, sinking down to perch on Lena’s lap, letting her wrap her arms around her waist. “You  _ are _ special to me, storyteller. Probably  _ more _ than I make you feel. And I meant it when I said I’d never felt this way about anyone before.”

 

            “Okay,” Kara whispered, resting her head against Lena’s for a moment, her eyes closing as she let the ache in her chest dissipate, feeling the familiar warmth stirring in its place as they muddled through the misunderstanding. “Thank you, music girl.”

 

            The sound of the front door opening reached their ears and Kara climbed off Lena’s lap, crossing over to the door to poke her head out into the hallway. Eliza was sweeping in through the front door, her arms full with groceries and her work bag, and Kara gave her a bright smile when she looked up at her daughter. 

 

            “Kara! Good, you’re home. I brought dinner. Did you have fun?”

 

            Walking down the hallway, Kara helped relieve her of the two paper bags she was carrying - one of them had Chinese takeaway in it and Kara perked up considerably at the smell - and started walking back towards the kitchen with her adoptive mother in tow. “Yeah, it was … eventful. The concerto was amazing though. We got our tickets upgraded to the best seats in the house because Lena  _ knows _ her, can you believe it?”

 

            Sweeping into the kitchen, the yellow glow of lights making it feel cozy as the grey sky darkened outside the windows, Kara smiled at Lena, who was patiently waiting for them, and set the bags down on the long countertop.

 

            “Oh, Lena, I didn’t realise you were here. Are you staying for dinner?” Eliza warmly greeted her, throwing her coat over the back of a chair and giving Lena’s shoulder a gentle pat.

 

            “Eliza, hi. That would be lovely, thank you.”

 

            “Did you enjoy National City? You’ve never been before, have you?”

 

            “No, but it was definitely eventful,” Lena said, her lips twitching as she fought back a smile.

 

            “Mm, I heard you were keeping secrets from Kara.”

 

            Kara was already dishing up dinner for them all and had shoved a pork dumpling into her mouth as she spooned rice onto their plates, and promptly choked on her mouthful at Eliza’s words. Lena let out a laugh of surprise, an amused look on her face when Kara turned to face her, coughing as she tried to swallow. Lena had heard them loudly talking as they’d walked towards the kitchen, so she knew what Eliza was talking about, but found it amusing nonetheless.

 

            “Only a few,” Lena said, a wry smile on her lips as she looked over to where she judged Kara to be standing, based on the muffled coughs.

 

            “For good reason,” Kara rasped, her cheeks a little pink and a sheepish look on her face as she stared back at Lena.


	29. Chapter 29

            The next two weeks passed by without much fuss, everything the same as it had been before their trip to National City, with their walks along the cliffs, evenings curled up by the fire while Kara worked on her book or told Lena stories, and hours spent listening to Lena compose music, her frustration getting the better of her sometimes, until they went for another walk so she could clear her head with the sound of the waves. 

 

            Time passed by in this fashion until soon enough it was Kara’s birthday. She woke that morning to a gentle knocking on her bedroom door, startling her awake as she tried to make sense of where she was, shaking away the remnants of the dream she’d been having.

 

            “Happy birthday,” Eliza gently said as she poked her head inside, a smile on her face as she looked at the sleepy figure stirring beneath the blankets.

 

            Kara’s blonde head emerged in a wild tangle of curls, stretching and grumbling as she blinked away the last vestiges of sleep, taking in the light seeping in between the gap in the curtains. It must’ve still been early if Eliza was still home, and Kara shivered slightly as she swung her legs over the side of the bed and her bare feet touched the cold floorboards.

 

            “Thank you,” Kara mumbled, rising to her feet and walking over to the door. 

 

            She let Eliza hug her before pulling a fluffy dressing gown off the back of the door and shrugging it on over her pyjamas, cinching it in tightly at the waist before shoving her feet into a pair of fluffy slippers and stepping out into the hallway. Eliza was already dressed for work in a cornflower blue shirt and a pressed pair of slacks, looking more awake than Kara felt, and she smiled as she told Kara to head downstairs while she fetched her gifts. Feeling the childlike excitement stirring within at the thought of presents, Kara made her way downstairs, seeing the yellow glow of light coming from the kitchen, along with the faint smell of fresh coffee. Walking down the dark hallway, she stepped through the open door and paused on the threshold of the kitchen, her eyebrows rising slightly in surprise. 

 

            “Lena?” Kara said, stifling a yawn as she frowned at the dark haired girl staring at the kitchen cabinets while she carefully sliced strawberries.

 

            Turning to look in the direction Kara’s voice had come from, Lena’s face split into a wide smile, and she set the knife down on the chopping board, blindly reaching out for the dish towel to wipe her hands. “Happy birthday,” Lena quietly said, taking a wary step in her direction.

 

            Wiping at her tired eyes, Kara walked towards her, her slippers dragging on the wooden floor, and she gave her a quick kiss, “thank you. What’re you doing here so early?”

 

            “Eliza’s helping me make you pancakes,” Lena said, her hands feeling their way up to Kara’s shoulders and turning her around, “now, sit. I’ll get some coffee for you.”

 

            Blinking in surprise at the orders, she let Lena nudge her in the direction of the table and quickly sank down onto a chair, craning her neck around to watch Lena tentatively trail her hands across the kitchen cabinets, opening them until she found the one with the mugs in them. Kara smiled as she watched her, knowing that Lena would find more satisfaction in being able to find her way around the kitchen by herself than have Kara call directions out to her from across the room, and a few minutes later a cup of coffee with two sugars and a generous dose of milk was being set down to her left. She thanked Lena and pulled it closer, holding the mug between her cold hands as she listened to Eliza’s footsteps on the stairs as she came back down.

 

            A few presents wrapped in colourful paper were deposited onto the table in front of her and Kara smiled up at her mom as she reached out for one of them. One by one she tore open the gift wrap, her eyes lighting up as she took in the present that was unveiled and thanked Eliza, who had taken up position in front of the stove and was quickly cooking pancakes, filling the kitchen with the enticing smell of them. By the time she was finished unwrapping them, she has a stack of books, some new clothes and a few gift cards for her favourite shops, and there was a steaming stack of golden pancakes being set down in front of her by Eliza. Kara half-rose from her seat to give her another hug and a kiss on the cheek, thanking her for the gifts, before she sat back down and watched Eliza gently guide Lena in the right direction of the nearest chair. She was carrying a bowl of chopped strawberries and banana and carefully set it down on the table, before lowering herself down onto the chair Eliza had led her to.

 

            The three of them ate breakfast while they talked, the sweetness of maple syrup and the richness of the coffee slowly bringing Kara to life as the sky continued to lighten outside, the soft blush colour of the wispy clouds growing pinker as the sky turned from blue to violet. Eliza didn’t stay too long, helping herself to one pancake before pouring her coffee into a thermos, giving Kara’s shoulder a quick squeeze and telling her to have a good day before she swept out the front door and into the cold. Kara finished eating first, nursing the rest of her coffee as she watched Lena slowly cut up perfect golden pancakes, and as soon as she set her knife and fork down she gave Kara a small smile.

 

            “Ready for your gifts?”

 

            Scraping her chair along the floor as she climbed to her feet, Kara couldn’t help but smile as she watched Lena follow suit. Quickly gathering up the dirty plates and bowls, waving away Lena’s protests, Kara stacked the dishwasher and then followed Lena down the hallway. In the spacious living room, a lonely balloon absentmindedly drifted above a small wrapped gift, weighed down by the weight attached to the length of string. It was a shiny metallic blue with  _ Happy Birthday _ emblazoned across it amidst a colourful confetti pattern and Kara smiled at the image of Lena walking the whole length of the beach in the dark with the balloon in hand.

 

            Biting her lip as she eyed the haphazardly wrapped gift, the paper patterned with different breeds of dogs and clearly wrapped with care, even if it was a confused mass of tape. The effort alone was enough to warm Kara’s heart, making her grateful for the lengths Lena had gone to. “Can I open it now?”

 

            “Yes, but you might hate me for it,” Lena said with a fleeting smile.

 

            Her curiosity piqued, Kara wrapped Lena’s hand in hers and crossed the room, guiding her down onto the sofa before she leant down to scoop up the gift and sat down next to Lena. It was a square box, and Kara carefully unwrapped it, finding herself staring at a plain cardboard box, until she opened it and found a mug nestled inside. She pulled it out and let out a loud laugh as she took in the blocky black words printed across the white ceramic mug.  _ World’s Best Reporter. _ She gave Lena a befuddled look of amusement as she held the mug in her hands.

 

            “Thank you,” Kara said, her voice coloured with amusement as she smiled.

 

            “Look inside it,” Lena told her, her lips twitching slightly.

 

            There was a strip of paper inside, curled in on itself, and Kara unfurled it to reveal the first line of sheet music, the bars dotted with notes. Her smile grew wider as she toyed with the ripped edge of the paper, wondering what sound the notes clustered along the lines would make when played on the piano, for it was undoubtedly a piece that Lena had composed for her. But there was only the first bar of it, and Kara couldn’t help but wonder where the rest was.

 

            “You wrote me another song?” Kara softly asked, a tender look in her blue eyes as she looked at her.

 

            “I did. And I got you a shitty mug.”

 

            Laughing, Kara held it to her chest, “I like the mug. I mean, I’m not a reporter, but I love it.”

 

            “I didn’t want you to lose sight of what you want,” Lena told her. “You’ll get there one day.”

 

            “Thank you,” Kara murmured.

 

            “Now, like I said, you might hate me for it, but you have to earn the rest of your gifts,” Lena said, reaching out to give Kara’s knee a quick pat, “so you might want to get dressed. I’ll wait here for you.”

 

            Shaking her head as she looked at her with amusement, Kara leant in and stole a quick kiss, putting the mug back into the box and climbing to her feet. She gently prodded the balloon and laughed on her way past it, quickly slipping into the kitchen and picking up her armful of presents before darting upstairs and depositing them onto her bed. She hastily made the bed around the small pile and pulled a pair of jeans and a sweater out of the closet, making her way into the bathroom and hurrying through the quickest shower of her life. Dressing and blindly shoving her pair of glasses on her face, she jogged back downstairs to find Lena exactly where she’d left her. Pausing in the doorway, Kara’s expression softened as she stared at Lena, who looked like she was staring intenting at the blank wall opposite her.

 

            “Are you staring again?”

 

            “Maybe.”

 

            “Ready to go? Make sure you put your coat on, it’s freezing out.”

 

            Smiling, Kara backed out into the hallway and pulled her coat off a hook, slipping it on and shoving her feet into her shoes. She had the strip of sheet music in her hand and carefully tucked it into her pocket, looking up when Lena shuffled out into the hallway to join her.

 

            Opening the door and letting in a rush of cold air, Kara threaded her fingers through Lena’s and pulled them out into it, the wind immediately tossing their hair about their faces as they walked across the back lawn and stepped onto the beach. The wet sand made trudging up the beach less exhausting, and the weak sunlight was almost enough to cut through the chill of the day as they walked through the damp sand dunes, coarse patches of grass brushing up against their shins and leaving wet streaks from the fresh morning dew. The bracing sea air accompanied them on their walk back to Lena’s house, and Kara was excited about the thought of what else was waiting for her there. 

 

            When they reached Lena’s house they cut through the trees crowding along the ridge at the top of the sand dunes, walking across the grass and up the back porch steps. Lena unlocked the door and let them into the kitchen, immediately going towards the living room with an air of purpose around her and Kara in tow. A messily wrapped present was waiting on the coffee table, alongside the bouquet of flowers. They were white lilies.

 

            Lena froze for a moment as she stopped in front of the coffee table, but then she picked up the bouquet and gave Kara a bright smile, her eyes crinkling at the corners, even if it didn’t  _ quite _ seem to reach her eyes. She stepped towards Kara and extended the flowers, a sweet cloud of perfume reaching her as she reached out and accepted them.

 

            “These are for you,” Lena bluntly said, and then leant down to find the gift, handing that one over to Kara as well as her voice softened, “and this.”

 

            Thanking her, Kara set the flowers back down on the coffee table and sat down on the sofa, carefully unwrapping the present to reveal a book about writing. Her face lit up as she scanned the back of it and then flipped through the pages, the comforting smell of books fanning over her. Between two of the pages she found another torn strip of sheet music and quietly laughed, adding it to her pocket and looking up at Lena with amusement. It looked like they were on a treasure hunt. Giving her a kiss and thanking her, Kara wrapped her in a quick hug, feeling Lena’s warmth through her coat as she fit into her arms perfectly.

 

            “So, the next one,” Lena started when Kara drew back, but she was cut off by Kara’s question.

 

            Stepping towards the window, Kara looked out at the car parked on the curb, squinting as she looked at the unfamiliar car. “Um, Lena, who’s here?”

 

            “What? No one,” Lena quickly answered.

 

            “There’s a car parked outside your house.”

 

            “Oh. Yes, right, the car. That was my next point. Come on.”

 

            She pressed her hand flat against Kara’s back and herded her towards the door, and Kara barely had enough time to leave her new book on the sofa before she was being shepherded out into the hallway and then back out into the cold. Descending the porch steps at the front of the house this time, Kara walked down the path cutting through the neatly trimmed lawn, courtesy of her handiwork, and slowed slightly when the car lights flashed.

 

            “So this next part needs your driving expertise,” Lena said from behind her, and when Kara turned around she saw a car key in Lena’s hand, held out like an offering.

 

            “You hired a car for this?” Kara laughed, her eyebrows raising in surprise.

 

            “Not exactly,” Lena hedged, a sheepish smile on her face as she shrugged. “It’s possible that I may have bought a car.”

 

            Spluttering, Kara gave her a wide eyed look of disbelief, “Lena, you’re blind.”

 

            “Well spotted.”

 

            “You can’t drive.”

 

            “I’m glad you still have your wits about you despite your aging.”

 

_             “Lena.” _

 

_             “Kara.  _ Come on, storyteller, don’t ruin my fun. It’s so we can go more places. You know, so we don’t end up taking a little dive off our cliff when we get too bored shut up here. Please. I need this today.”

 

            Sighing, Kara gave her a withering look that went unseen and took the keys off her, before leading her over to the passenger side and opening the door for her. Lena climbed in without her help and Kara rounded the grey car, noticing that it was a  _ Tesla _ as she passed by the rear end of the car, and had to choke back a sound of surprise. It shouldn’t have been surprising that Lena would spend so much money on a car that she couldn’t even use - she’d bought half a mansion on the beachfront and barely used three rooms in it. Shaking her head, Kara climbed into the driver’s seat, adjusting it to accommodate her and breathed in the new car smell as she relaxed into the expensive leather seats. All of her qualms suddenly disappeared as she reveled in the luxurious interior, gripping the steering wheel tightly as excitement stirred within her. 

 

            Turning to look at Lena, she gave her an enthusiastic smile, turning the car on and listening to the engine purr to life. “Where to, music girl?”

 

            “Right, so, speaking of the cliff, that’s the first place on our list.”

 

            With a nod, Kara pulled away from the curb and started driving through rain-slick streets, enjoying the feeling of the car in her control as they listened to the classical music station that Kara tuned into. It wasn’t very long before they were passing through the quiet town, still waking up at the early hour, watching the organic fruit and vegetable shop owner putting out crates of rosy apples and freshly picked butternut squashes, while the small round tables and wicker chairs were being set up outside a coffee shop on the corner of the main street. A few minutes later, moving away from the cluster of shops and diners, they were driving through rows of neat houses, which gave way to thickets of trees as the houses became few and far between. Soon enough, Kara was putting the car into park at the closest spot she could get to the cliff edge. They left the stuffy warmth of the car and trudged across the soggy grass, giving way to the rough rock of the cliffs, and Kara laughed at the little wrapped gift waiting for her on the edge of the cliff, wondering how long Lena had spent getting her plan together.

 

            “Did you do all this yourself?” Kara asked, wondering if Lena had woken up early and been walking around town as she planted the gift and walked all the way back to Eliza’s before the sun had even risen.

 

            “I had some help.”

 

            “Eliza?” Kara asked.

 

            “No.”

 

            “Oh. Well who?”

 

            Lena ignored her and gestured towards the edge of the cliff where the gift waited for her. Walking over to it, being buffeted backwards slightly by the strong wind, Kara stooped down and picked up the little box, considering the need to have another chat with Lena about getting too close to the edge as she peered over the lip of the cliff and took in the choppy water below. Scuttling back to safety, she tore open the wrapping paper and looked down at the plain white box, quickly opening it to reveal what turned out to be a candle. It was book scented, and the sweet smell was immediately comforting as Kara smiled, holding it up to her nose. Inside the box was another strip of paper full of music notes. 

 

            Without much delay, leaving barely enough time for Kara to give her another kiss in thanks, Lena was leading her back towards the car. Climbing back into the warmth and the soothing hum of a violin from the radio, Kara patiently waited as Lena buckled herself in and then leant forward, her hand searching around near her feet, before she came up with a sheath of paper. Plucking the first one off the top of the pile, she handed it to Kara, a wavering smile on her face. Glancing down at the page, Kara puzzled through the list of directions printed out, assuming that she was supposed to follow them. At Lena’s confirmation, she turned the key in the engine and set off back the way they’d come. 

 

            Following the strict set of instructions, she soon found herself on the outskirts of town, parked outside an abandoned looking house. The windows were all boarded up or smashed, the garden was even more overgrown than Lena’s had been, as if nature was trying to reclaim the ground, and it was quiet except for the rustling of the long grass. It had an eerie feeling to it and Kara looked at it with a mild look of concern on her face as she stared out the window.

 

            “I think I might’ve made a wrong turn,” she slowly said.

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Lena gave her a slight smile, “no, it’s the right place. I heard it was a little creepy looking. I was also told to tell you to be careful of the hole in the floor just inside the door. It leads down to the basement. There could also be rats down there. If that helps.”

 

            “That’s  _ so _ comforting, thank you,” Kara snorted, opening the car door and stepping out onto the dirt path leading up towards the door.

 

            She told Lena to stay in the car, just in case, and warily made her way up to the door, trampling weeds and stepping over glass from shattered beer bottles. It had been abandoned long ago, that was for sure, and Kara tried to decipher the graffiti spray painted across the planks of plywood blocking the windows as she neared the empty doorframe. The door had long since been removed from its hinges, leaving behind rusted, twisted pieces of metal clinging to the rotten frame, and Kara stepped into the gloomy hallway of the house, mindful of the gaping hole in the ripped up floorboards as she looked around, letting her eyes adjust to the darkness. Another wrapped present was sitting on the bottom step of the stairs and Kara was somewhat relieved that she wouldn’t have to risk climbing up the decaying staircase or try and bridge the ominous hole. Taking a few tentative steps towards it, Kara scooped up the rectangular parcel and quickly retreated back out into the sunlight. Lena was waiting for her as she emerged, leaning against the side of the car with a smile on her face.

 

            “Got it!” Kara exclaimed, holding it up as if Lena could see as she walked over to the car. 

 

            Quickly unwrapping it, she held another book in her hand, balling up the colourful paper and shoving it into her pocket as she read the title. It was a book by a well known journalist and Kara smiled as she glanced up at Lena, who had an expectant look on her face, waiting for a reaction. Flipping through the pages, Kara came up with another strip of paper, completing the page with one ragged edge and one smooth. Pressing Lena up against the side of the car, earning a small sound of surprise off Lena, Kara ducked down slightly and kissed her again in thanks.

 

            Pulling back, she gave Lena a bemused look, brushing a few stray hairs out of her face and fixing the sunglasses which had gone slightly lopsided from the kiss. “Thank you, but can I ask  _ why _ here?”

 

            Lena raised her eyebrows slightly, “this place isn’t familiar to you?”

 

            “A crumbling house on the outskirts of town? Can’t say it’s really my scene.”

 

            “Hm.”

 

            “What?”

 

            Shrugging, Lena opened the car door and climbed back inside, closing the door behind her and leaving a rosy cheeked Kara standing out in the cold. Pouting, Kara rounded the bonnet and climbed back into the driver’s seat, accepting the next page of directions in suspicious silence. She had the nagging thought that they were supposed to mean something to her, but Kara was at a loss for what that was exactly. Brooding over the puzzle, she followed the instructions, heading back through town in the opposite direction, following the twisting roads through the hills, winding their way back and forth between a forest of black trunks and bare canopies. Rotting leaves blew down the roads, brushing against the car windscreen as Kara steered them carefully along, keeping a watchful eye out for any deer that might decide to cross in front of them. 

 

            It wasn’t long before they were slowing, and Kara pulled over on the shoulder of the road, as instructed. A dozen feet ahead was a wide bridge spanning the river that ran all the way back down to town, and Kara frowned, scanning the surrounding area for the sight of puppy patterned gift wrap. Lena’s cold hand slipped into hers and she gave Kara a knowing smile, her cheek dimpling slightly.

 

            “So, I’ve been told there’s a bridge nearby.”

 

            “It’s just a little way ahead.”

 

            “Not that one,” Lena said, looking slightly smug, “a smaller one. A few hundred years old. Perhaps … made by the devil?”

 

            Kara blinked in surprise and set off towards the bridge ahead with Lena in tow. When she neared the end of it, she peered over the balustrade, her face splitting into a smile when she took in the narrow wooden bridge spanning the river just a little further down and much smaller and dangerous looking than the one they were standing on. With an incredulous look on her face, she turned to face Lena, a inkling at what was happening growing at the back of Kara’s mind.

 

            “Devil’s bridge. The story I told you that one time.”

 

            “Yes,” Lena said, looking pleased with herself.

 

            “So … the cliff. The suicide story?”

 

            “Mhm.”

 

            “And the abandoned house …”

 

            Wrinkling her nose slightly, Lena laughed, “dead dog. Not exactly a nice one, but it turns out he’s been long gone and there  _ is _ a house there that he used to live in. I believe that story.”

 

            Laughing, Kara shook her head as she smiled down at Lena, giving her hand a quick squeeze. The one thing she’d noticed as she looked at the bridge was the big blue parcel waiting for her in the centre of the structure, and Kara assumed that she would have to go and fetch it, and was baffled at the thought of Eliza coming out here to do it for her. She would’ve assumed that it was Alex, but she was in National City, burdened with a heavy workload for the next few days, and unable to come and celebrate until the weekend. With Lena’s anxious words of caution in her ears, mingling with the rushing sound of the river coursing below, Kara carefully picked her way through the trees and knee-high ferns and bracken growing in the underbrush, until she neared one end of the narrow bridge. The wood was soaked through and damp to the touch as she gripped the railings on either side, putting one foot in front of the other as she slowly walked across the flimsy structure, determined to indulge Lena in the fun and thoughtful treasure hunt she’d put together for her. Kara just told herself not to look down, so her breakfast would stay where it was supposed to. 

 

            It wasn’t long before she was standing beside Lena again, a little weak in the knees as her heart hammered in her chest, a large box held under one arm and a fine mist of water from the river covering every inch of her. Wiping her face with the back of her hand, Kara smiled triumphantly and they both made their way back towards the car. In the driver’s seat, she opened the box to reveal a deep blue fabric nestled in amongst pink tissue paper. Gently lifting it out of the box, Kara held up the dress as it unfolded itself, smiling happily as she fingered the soft fabric. Another strip of sheet music sat in the tissue paper and she plucked it out, starting a new page, and carefully tucked the dress back into the box.

 

            “I was thinking you could wear it tonight,” Lena said, a hopeful note in her voice as she looked at Kara from behind shaded eyes.

 

            “It’s beautiful,” Kara said, leaning across the centre console to kiss her, “but where are we going tonight?”

 

            “That’s part of the surprise.”

 

            Letting out a groan of frustration, Kara smiled, placing the box on the back seat, along with her growing pile of gifts, and accepted another piece of paper off Lena.

 

\---

 

            By the time they were finished, she’d been to every location she’d ever mentioned in one of her stories to Lena about Midvale, finding a gift at every stop, and had amassed a modest pile of gifts in the back seat of the car. There had been a few more books about writing, a silver monogrammed pen from an expensive pen brand, a handcrafted leather journal with thick creamy paper, and a pair of diamond earrings. Along with each gift had been a strip of sheet music, and by the time they made it back to Lena’s house, parking the car outside the front of her house, Kara was brimming with excitement at the thought of the song that Lena would no doubt play for her.

 

            She fetched her pile of gifts from the back seats and carefully carried them up the garden path, following Lena inside and depositing them next to the first book she’d received. Retreating back out of the room, she made for the kitchen, where she could hear sounds of Lena putting the kettle on, and she went up behind her, wrapping her arms around her waist and resting her chin on Lena’s shoulder as she watched her put teabags of a strong smelling raspberry tea into each rose patterned teacup.

 

            Turning her head to kiss her on the cheek, Kara let out a content sigh, softly smiling to herself as she swayed them slightly. She could feel Lena’s silent laughter as she shook in her arms. “Thank you for spoiling me,” Kara whispered, giving her a gentle squeeze. She quickly pecked her on the cheek again.

 

            “If this is the thanks I get, remind me to do it more often. And it’s not over yet, but you need to be patient for a while.”

 

            Laughing, Kara gave her a quick squeeze and went to raid her cupboards for something to eat. It was nearly lunchtime and they’d been driving around for hours, going back and forth as they went to the train tracks and as close as they could get to a cave in the hills without having to scale the side of a cliff, and Kara’s stomach was starting to rumble slightly. She found a container of baked cinnamon apples in Lena’s fridge and reheated them in the microwave, filling the room with the strong smell of the spice as she plated up a few oatmeal biscuits as well. By the time she was done, Lena had two steaming cups of tea ready and they retreated upstairs to the piano room. Sitting side by side on the sofa, they shared the apples and biscuits as they drank their tea, until a few dregs of vivid pink was all that was left of it and a smattering of crumbs dusted the plate. And then Lena climbed to her feet and walked towards the piano.

 

            Kara knew what came next and eagerly dropped down next to her, feeling excitement stir within at the sight of Lena revealing the piano keys. Her fingers found their way to the keys as if they belonged their, like it was second nature, and Kara was already smiling when she started the first note. Lena’s fingers were a gentle flurry, softly playing the notes, despite the speed of her playing. Her playing looked so effortless, yet it sounded like more than one pair of hands should’ve been playing the soothing melody, and Kara watched with amazement, as enraptured as ever in the song and  _ her _ . She didn’t think she could ever get enough of Lena playing for her. Her music was breathtaking and so beautiful that it always filled Kara with such strong, identifiable emotions, but one that she could always pick out was the strong feeling of love for Lena. The fact that she took the time to write songs just for Kara made her love her all the more for it, and she had to blink back tears as she listened. 

 

            On and on it went, and Kara would say it was the longest piece that she’d ever played for her before, close to ten minutes if she had to guess, yet she felt every note as they echoed around her in the room, worming their way into her mind. It was full of the lightheartedness Lena brought to her life, laced with love and a soft tenderness and cut through with a playfulness, and Kara was absorbed in it completely, reveling in the unbelievable speed at which Lena played. No matter how many times she watched her play, she couldn’t  _ not _ love the way she sat with her perfectly straight and her head bowed slightly, pouring her heart into the music as her slender fingers moved with the practiced ease of someone who had spent years finding their way around the keys. It was one of the few times that Lena’s blindness wasn’t a hindrance, and Kara cherished every moment of it, knowing that for Lena, music was about more than the simple act of playing it. It was everything to her, and for her to draw Kara into that made it all the more special.

 

            By the time she was finished playing, the last notes fading away into silence, Kara didn’t know what to say, and she just wrapped her arms around Lena and rested her head on her shoulder, closing her eyes and holding onto the song for a few moments longer. Eventually she moved, kissing Lena on the shoulder, and the underside of her jaw, and her cheek, before Lena turned her head and their lips brushed. Smiling into it, Kara cradled her face in her hands, gently stroking Lena’s cheeks with her thumbs as she felt Lena’s fingers thread their way through Kara’s hair. When they broke apart, breathing a little heavier, Kara rested her forehead against Lena’s and smiled.

 

            “It was beautiful, thank you.”

 

            “I have something for you,” Lena murmured, giving her a soft kiss and climbing to her feet with instructions for her to stay where she was.

 

            Kara obeyed, turning to stone on the piano bench as she watched Lena cross the room and slip out into the hallway. She was only gone a few moments before she returned, a slim box held in her arms as she cautiously made her way back across the room, each footstep measured and memorised. Holding it out to Kara, Lena sat back down beside her, staring off into space as she listened to Kara open the box. From inside, she pulled out two pieces of glass clamped together and Kara frowned slightly in confusion.

 

            “It’s for the sheet music,” Lena explained with a small smile, “I know I don’t need it to play it, but I thought you might like to have physical proof of it, you know? I thought that you could press the pieces between the glass. As a reminder.”

 

            Face lighting up, Kara smiled widely at her, leaning forward to kiss her on the tip of her nose, before she started fishing out the pieces of sheet music from her pockets. Sliding off the bench, Kara knelt on the hardwood floor and spread the pieces out all around her, carefully separating both panes of glass and puzzling the pieces together while Lena silently waited. It didn’t take her too long, and soon enough she was staring at the two pages, held back to back in place by the pressure of the glass, and she ran her fingers over the pane, as if to caress the notes drawn onto the lines. She couldn’t help but wonder who had drawn them on there for her.

 

            “It looks perfect,” Kara said, hugging it to her chest as she pushed herself up onto her knees, tilting her head back and resting a hand on Lena’s knee. Reaching out, Lena fumbled to orient herself with Kara’s position, before she leant down to give her a softly sweet kiss.

 

\---

 

            They spent the rest of the afternoon at Lena’s house - a large chunk spent with Kara stretched out on the sofa in the piano room while Lena played song after song for her - before it was time for them to get ready for the evening that Lena had planned for them. She apologetically told Kara that she’d have to drive there, but it didn’t bother Kara at all, and she excitedly stowed everything on the back seat of the car, before helping Lena carry her things to the car and driving them to Eliza’s. 

 

            In the bathroom, they both showered and got dressed - Kara in her new blue dress and Lena in a dark green one that Kara suspected she’d bought just for the occasion - and Kara curled Lena’s hair for her and lightly did her makeup at Lena’s request, smiling as she stole kisses in between gentle brushstrokes and dabbing. The sun was starting to sink low on the horizon by the time they were both ready, and Kara donned one of her nicer coats and slipped on her heels before she took Lena’s hand and helped guide her down the sloping driveway and into the car. 

 

            Before she could even start the car, Lena was handing her an envelope with a crooked smile on her face, and Kara slowly took it and switched on the car light, opening the envelope to reveal a birthday card. Two pieces of paper slid out when she opened it, and Kara carefully placed them in her lap as she read the card, taking in the mix of neat printed words and the wobbly letters made by Lena’s own hand. She’d written their names herself, and Kara smiled as she ran her fingers over the indents of the pen.

 

_ Storyteller, _

 

_ Happy birthday. I hope you have a wonderful day - you deserve it so much. _

 

_ I might not be as good with words as you are, but I know you love stories so much, so I wanted to remind you not to lose sight of what you love. Write as many as you can and read them to me one day. I can’t wait to hear the things you come up with. You’re an extraordinary person, and I hope that today has made you feel loved and appreciated, because you mean the world to me and I hope you know that. _

 

_ I love you, _

_ Music girl x _

 

            Kara blinked back the burning feeling in her eyes as she smiled down at the writing, before she turned her attention to the pieces of paper in her lap. Reading the fine print on what turned out to be tickets, she let out a gasp of surprise, recognising the familiar name of the theatre from a few towns over. It was two tickets to a performance of  _ The Taming of the Shrew _ , one of Kara’s favourite Shakespeare plays due to its less tragic storyline, set for a few hours time, and she turned to Lena with a bright smile on her face, her eyes crinkling at the corners.

 

            “How did you know?”

 

            “Alex might’ve let it slip that you go there every year for whichever play is on for the winter,” Lena said with a triumphant smile, “I didn’t want to ruin your tradition.”

 

            Laughing, Kara leant across and pressed a kiss to Lena’s cheek, quickly wiping away the smudge of lipstick she left behind, before she turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the white house. Headlights illuminated the way as the sky grew darker, the wispy clouds a soft tangerine compared to the dusky blue of the latening hour, and Kara made the familiar drive towards the theatre. It was in the same town that she’d taken Lena to for their first date, and when they reached the train tracks, her superstition kicked in and she made them both lift their feet, a round of laughter ensuing as Lena shook her head with amusement. 

 

            It was dark by the time they reached the town, and Kara found a parking spot along the main strip of bars and restaurants, slipping her hand into Lena’s as they stepped onto the sidewalk. The night was cold and dark and they shivered as they walked in the direction Lena was pulling them in, much to Kara’s surprise. She had been under the impression that Lena had only been there once, on the night of their date, but she didn’t argue as they passed by the street she knew the theatre lay.

 

            The smell of Chinese food reached them before Kara saw the restaurant, blown towards them on the wind, but it didn’t take her long to figure out that’s where they were going, even though she didn’t know how Lena knew exactly where it was. She was in for one more surprise when they slowed outside the restaurant though, because Eliza gave her a small wave, stepping around the figure standing in front of her, the short hair cut above the shoulders as familiar to Kara as her own, before Alex turned around as well.

 

            “Alex! It was  _ you!”  _ Kara exclaimed, looking from Alex to Lena, both of whom were looking very smug.

 

            “Happy birthday,” Alex said slowly walking towards them and wrapping Kara in a quick hug. “Your girlfriend has had me running around all day. I felt Santa, dropping off presents and rushing off to the next spot. I was half worried that someone would steal them before you got there, or you were going to make it there before me.”

 

            Spluttering, Kara returned the hug, reeling from the surprise appearance of her sister, who wasn’t supposed to be there for a few more days at least. Eliza was smiling behind Alex, and Kara couldn’t stop herself from smiling as she looked around at the three most important people to her, a rush of love for all of them washing over her.

 

            “She stayed at mine last night,” Lena interjected, “like I said, I didn’t want to ruin your tradition.”

 

            “Thank you, I love it,” Kara murmured, her expression softening as she reached out and gave Lena’s hand a quick squeeze. 

 

            She gave Kara a small smile, nodding shyly, and then the four of them walked into the restaurant, where Lena gave her name and they were all led to a table in the middle of the room. It was lit with dim lights, giving it a relaxed ambience as they listened to the delicate sound of a mandolin being played, and they all took their seats, picking up menus and perusing the list of dishes available. It was a classy restaurant, far superior to the greasy takeaway restaurants with the flickering neon signs that Kara usually visited, but the food was exquisite, and they ordered a variety of dishes, filling the middle of the table with a cluster of different noodles, rices and meats. 

 

            They ate until they were so full that they couldn’t eat anymore, and then they all sang happy birthday to her while she was presented with a chocolate cake littered with candles. The four of them picked at small slices until they had to leave for the play, and Lena insisted on covering the bill, having already sorted it with the manager prior to the evening as a treat for Kara and her family. After leaving, they made their way towards the theatre, where they filed into red velvet seats near the front and spent the next couple of hours laughing at the low-budget performance put on by the local acting troupe. Kara’s cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing too much by the time the final curtain fell and everyone clapped and cheered. She couldn’t remember having a better birthday, and she was still buzzing from the fact that she’d got to spend it with all of her favourite people, and was very touched at Lena’s thoughtfulness to make sure Alex was there, and Alex’s willingness to help Lena put her plan into motion. It warmed her heart to see them both getting along without her playing the middleman. She knew that they got along well anyway, having seen it herself, but to see them work together to make her birthday special just made her feel all the more warmer for it.

 

            She hugged Alex and Eliza goodnight at their parked car, thanking them both for the evening, while they echoed the same gratitude with Lena, before it was just the two of them left alone to make their way back to Midvale. Kara knew she’d be staying at Lena’s house that night, and they were both quiet on the drive home, feeling tired from a day full of excitement, and Kara was looking forward to putting her pyjamas on and curling up beside Lena. It had been a perfect day and evening, and she was looking forward to a perfect night too. She’d barely pulled on her sweatpants though when Lena was telling her she had one last surprise for her, her lips twitching slightly, almost as if she was about to smile.

 

            They slipped outside with their thick coats on over their pyjamas, the cold wind finding its way into all the gaps and making them shiver as Kara let Lena lead her along. It didn’t take her long to figure out where they were going, and soon enough she was back on the edge of the cliff, just like she had been that morning. Sinking down to the rough stone of the clifftop, Lena gently pulled Kara down beside her, and they sat side by side in the dark, listening to the invisible sea below as they stared out at the stretch of darkness, studded with bright specks of stars.

 

            “There’s a meteor shower tonight,” Lena eventually said, her voice quiet and gentle as she spoke. “I thought you might like to watch it.”

 

            “Thank you,” Kara murmured, reaching out to give her knee an affectionate squeeze. 

 

            So much planning had gone into making Kara’s day feel special, and it truly had been, but there had also been an undercurrent of something amiss that she hadn’t quite been able to put her finger on either, and while Kara didn’t want to spoil things, she had to know. Lena had been full of smiles all day, but not all of them had reached her eyes, and Kara couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, but she’d been so wrapped up in Lena’s game and plans that she hadn’t had the time to voice her concerns. In the quiet loneliness as they sat on what could’ve been the edge of the world, she had to ask.

 

            “I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong,” Kara softly said, gently brushing her thumb against Lena’s cold cheek.

 

            Lena turned her head away from the touch, her dark hair falling between them like a curtain as she faced the opposite way, and Kara felt her heart twinge slightly. It was dark, the tiny sliver of the moon making the night darker than usual, and Lena was barely an inky shadow sitting beside her with her pale face hidden from Kara’s sight. Her hand uselessly fell onto Lena’s shoulder and Kara gave it a small, reassuring squeeze, watching the wind play with her hair.

 

            “It doesn’t matter right now. I don’t want to ruin tonight,” Lena murmured, her voice strained. She sounded like she was about to cry, barely able to keep her voice even, and Kara felt a lump form in her throat.

 

            “Of course it does. I mean, unless you’re going to break up with me on my birthday, I doubt you could ruin it,” Kara joked, a hesitant smile flitting across her face.

 

            With a short laugh, sounding forced and tense, Lena turned towards her. In the monochrome darkness, her skin was a pale grey and her eyes were dark shadows, but there was a glassy sheen to them that the night couldn’t hide, and Kara realised that she  _ was _ about to cry. Drawing in a cold lungful of air in her surprise, she watched as Lena’s face crumpled, her bottom lip quivering slightly.

 

            “He’s been gone two years,” she said, her voice hoarse and thick with emotion.

 

            Lena didn’t have to explain further than that, and Kara wasn’t even sure she’d be able to. It looked like it was taking every piece of her not to fall apart. Unsure whether Lena wanted to be touched or not, Kara let out a soft sigh, her heart weighing heavily beneath the knowledge that Lena had been holding her grief inside all day, trying her best to hide it behind a mask of happiness for her sake. Kara knew how hard it had been for her on Lex’s birthday - she hadn’t wanted to leave the house at all and spent hours crying - but she’d buried it all for the sake of Kara’s birthday, and Kara was angry at herself for not knowing. Of course she’d known he’d killed himself sometime during the start of the year, but Lena had never told her the day - she’d never told her it was on her birthday. 

 

            “Why didn’t you tell me?” Kara gently asked.

 

            With a choked laugh Lena wiped at her eyes with the palms of her hands, her teeth a flash of white in the darkness. “I wanted today to be about you. I wanted today to be about your birthday and reminding you about why you like writing - that’s why I got you all of those gifts - not about my brother.”

 

            “Lena-”

 

            “It’s okay. I’m okay. I just- I didn’t know how to tell you, and I didn’t want you to spend all day worrying about me.” 

 

            “I don’t care about some stupid birthday,” Kara firmly told her, her eyebrows knitting together as she frowned, a worried look in her eyes.

 

            Reaching out, Lena oriented herself with Kara’s body and gave her leg a quick pat, “it helped take my mind off him.”

 

            Closing her eyes as she let out a slow sigh, Kara swallowed the words on the tip of her tongue and reached out for Lena, her movements gentle and measured, until she had her arms around her and was drawing her into her embrace. Lena went willingly, both of them shifting on the rocky clifftop until they were no longer two separate shadows sitting side by side, but were wrapped up in each other as Lena sat in her lap, her face buried into the side of Kara’s neck while Kara stroked her hair and held her close. 

 

            Her lips brushed against Lena’s numb cheek and she gave her a gentle squeeze. “Come on, let’s go home.”

 

            “No,” Lena said, her breath warm against Kara’s neck, “the meteor shower.”

 

            “I don’t care-”

 

            “Please. I want to,” Lena insisted, drawing back from her and giving her a pleading look.

 

            Kara would’ve given her anything she asked for, and she knew that this was for her, because Lena couldn’t even see, but she still couldn’t say no. So they stayed on the edge of the cliff, with Kara cradling her in her arms as she looked up at the black sky studded with a million stars, the barest hint of the moon peeking out high above, until bright pricks of light blazed across the sky, the tails of the meteors streaking about behind them. With the briny smell of the sea and the near-deafening sound of the waves pounding against the sharp rocks a dizzying drop below, Kara whispered the sight to Lena, painting a picture of the breathtaking sight above her in such vivid detail that Lena could  _ almost _ imagine it.

 

            They left not long after that, walking home in silence while a cloud of heaviness seemed to settle over them. Kara didn’t know what to say, because Lena didn’t  _ want _ her to say anything. It was like she wanted to pretend that it was  _ just _ Kara’s birthday, and while knowing the true meaning the day held for Lena hadn’t ruined her day, as Lena had feared, it  _ had _ made Kara worry. She couldn’t help it. Lena had cried all day on his birthday, but she’d spent all day keeping it together for Kara’s sake, and Kara couldn’t stop herself from glancing over at her every few seconds, looking for any cracks in the facade that Lena was trying to keep up. She had never been good at masking her emotions, and with a grief that heavy hanging over her head, she would’ve felt it deeply. A knot of worry in her stomach, Kara towed them back towards Lena’s house faster than they normally would’ve ambled along the beach, until the yellow lights spilling out of the unshuttered windows came into view.

 

            Slipping inside, Kara made straight for the bathroom, putting the plug in the bath and running hot water. She was numb with the cold, and knew that Lena would be too, and the only way she could think to look after her was to run her a bubble bath, make her some tea and hold her close. It seemed like Lena was on board with that plan, because the bath wasn’t even full before she materialised in the bathroom, stripping off her pyjamas and slipping into the hot water. With the gentle brush of her lips against Lena’s forehead, Kara murmured that she was going to make them some tea, before she walked out of the steamy room, glancing once more at the dark haired figure sitting stiffly amongst a growing pile of bubbles before she crept downstairs. 

 

            Setting the kettle on to boil, Kara brewed a lemon tea, adding some honey for sweetness, and was about to carry them upstairs to the bathroom when she saw a little card on the counter. She couldn’t help but look at it, taking in the elegant writing of the florist who had written it, and she felt a lump form in her throat as realisation dawned on her with each word she read. They were off Sam, for Lena, with a generic sympathy note, and Kara realised that Lena’s bluntness that morning when she’d given Kara the flowers had been because they weren’t for her on her birthday, they were an empty comfort to Lena for the anniversary of her brother’s death, and Kara couldn’t help but wince slightly. Of course Sam would’ve known, and Sam had told her to check in on Lena last time, but clearly Lena had stopped her from interfering this time. She hadn’t wanted Kara to know at all. Hesitating, Kara fished her phone out of the pocket of her coat she was still wearing, and scrolled through her contacts until she’d found Sam’s name. Sending her a quick message to assure her that Lena was okay, Kara put the phone back in her pocket and picked up the cups of tea.

 

            Lena had barely moved an inch since she’d been gone, and Kara knelt down beside the bathtub, setting the tea down on the tiled floor and reaching for the soap. With gentle hands, Kara washed her with the cherry blossom scented soap and Lena offered the occasional comment or let her fingers dance along the rim of the porcelain tub, coming up with new music. She seemed okay, sitting in the water and drinking her tea until it turned her skin red, wrinkled her fingers and cooled considerably. Only then did she get out, letting Kara wrap her in a fluffy towel before changing into her pyjamas and making straight for her bed.

 

            Pink cheeked and soft, she climbed in between the sheets and Kara followed suit, switching the lights off reaching for her in the dark. She cradled Lena in her arms in silence for a few minutes, until she felt the other woman shaking and realised that she was silently crying. With a hand clamped down over her mouth, Lena tried not to make a sound, but at Kara’s murmured words of comfort, she couldn’t stop the quiet whimper that escaped her mouth as her breathing hitched slightly. And then she couldn’t help but fall apart, and Kara held her tighter, her own eyes tearing up. She didn’t know how to help her. She knew this pain all too well, but there was nothing she could say to make Lena feel better, because it  _ didn’t _ get better. It would be a lie to say that it would, because Kara’s parents had been dead for years and she still wasn’t over it. Losing someone you loved wasn’t something you  _ could _ get over, it was just something you got used to. All she could do was stroke her hair and keep up a constant stream of soft reassurances that she was okay as she held her in the dark.

 

            “I’m sorry,” Lena breathlessly sobbed, “I’m sorry for ruining your birthday.”

 

            “You didn’t,” Kara said, her voice cracking slightly as she felt the stinging of tears in her eyes. She hated to see Lena so upset and her throat was thick with emotion. “You didn’t. It’s okay. I’ve got you. I’ve  _ always _ got you. I love you.”

 

            Drawing in a shuddering breath, Lena exhaled forcefully, burying her face into Kara’s shoulder as she grasped at the front of the sweatshirt she was wearing. “I love you too. I’m sorry. I-I just wanted you t-to-”

 

            “It’s okay. Take as long as you need,” Kara gently assured her. “I just want you to be okay.”

 

            “I know. I-I will be. I have you.”


	30. Chapter 30

            Kara was gentle with Lena for the next few days, carefully caring for her as Lena wallowed in her suppressed grief, even if she tried not to show it. It was clear in her hollow eyes though, ringed by dark circles, and in the darker songs she played on the piano, the compositions haughty and morose, her anguish pouring into her music, and in the way she picked at her food and had to be delicately prompted into showering and changing into the fresh pyjamas Kara laid out for her. She’d barely been home at all, and only to fetch things and spend a few minutes with Eliza, who had been briefed on the reason for her daughter’s absence, although she was always working late at the lab anyway, so it made little difference to her anyway. But as February arrived with a flurry of showers and strong winds, slowly but surely, Lena crept back to her usual self, her heavy silences turning back to thoughtful and introspective, her melodies becoming softer, and her appetite returning enough for her to sample the cookies Kara baked in her kitchen. 

 

            Still, a week later, when they were eating flaky croissants and drinking coffee that Kara had picked up in town, she received an email that made her hesitate for a moment. They’d been having a conversation about whether or not they wanted to brave the fierce weather that had swept in early that morning and go for a walk when Kara’s phone had vibrated on the table. As soon as she’d read the contents of the email, she’d trailed off mid-sentence, her coffee raised to take a sip, and she set her cup down on the table with a small thud.

 

            “What is it?” Lena asked, her eyebrows raising slightly as she dusted buttery flakes of pastry off her fingers.

 

            “It’s a, uh, it’s for an interview, with the National City Newspaper,” Kara murmured, “they turned me down months ago.”

 

            Lena let out a snort of laughter, “no doubt my mother’s doing. When is it?”

 

            Setting her phone down on the table, Kara reached for her coffee again, replying in an offhand manner. “Tomorrow. At two.”

 

            “Well that’s plenty of time to drive up there. You can take the car and stay the night at Alex’s. The storm is supposed to be hitting tomorrow afternoon and I don’t think it would be safe to drive back in it,” Lena pragmatically replied, coming up with a plan within moments.

 

            Hesitating slightly, Kara fiddled with the coffee sleeve wrapped around her cup, her teeth worrying at her bottom lip for a few moments before she let out a soft sigh. It wasn’t that she didn’t  _ want _ to go - this job would’ve been an incredible opportunity, even better than her job at CatCo - she just didn’t feel right leaving Lena alone, even for a day. She couldn’t  _ not _ go though, because Kara knew it would be stupid of her to put her dream job on hold to hover around her girlfriend, and Lena wouldn’t take too kindly to her doing it either.

 

            “Yeah,” Kara said, a nervous smile flitting across her face, “yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

 

            With a few more words of encouragement, the conversation was swept elsewhere as Kara emailed back a confirmation and sipped at her coffee, a flicker of hope inside that maybe this time it would work out. An interview was closer than all of the rejections she’d been facing for months, and from a company that had already rejected her too, which meant that surely they  _ wanted _ her if they had reached out themselves? It was an exciting thought that a well established news company might offer her a job, and Kara began to envision herself as a reputed journalist, living in a busy city again, spending sunny afternoons in the park, joining Alex at Noonan’s for coffee and pancakes and karaoke nights at the dive bar she used to hit up with her friends, getting drunk at one of the grimy booths and belting out the lyrics to eighties songs on the dingy stage. She could have her old city life back. A better life, with a better reporting job and without the burden of Mike. And then there was Lena. 

 

            That was the only flaw in Kara’s rose coloured pictures inside her mind. She was there of course, but not in National City. In Kara’s mind she would make weekend trips to Midvale, fetching coffee and donuts on her way through town, before she spent a day curled up on Lena’s sofa listening to her play piano, or taking walks in the balmy summer air. There would be daily phone calls before bed, and making up for lost time in stolen surprise visits, and the thought of not seeing her everyday made Kara sad. She brooded for the rest of the day, thinking things over as she listened to Lena play for her, before she ordered them both pizza and said goodnight later on, kissing her goodbye with the promise of seeing her in the morning.

 

\---

 

            She was up before the sun, anxiously running her fingers over the ironed white shirt and black pants she’d picked out. It was practical and professional and Kara was worried about making a good first impression, knowing that this was as close as she’d come to getting her career back in the eight months since she’d lost it. Fretting the whole time she got ready, neatly curling her hair and picking a pale pink lipstick that wasn’t too flashy as to make her look garrish, she toyed around with a bowl of Cornflakes and opted for tea instead of coffee as to not make herself jittery before her long drive, while Eliza rushed around, getting ready for work while she reassured Kara that she would ace the interview. 

 

            Eliza dropped her off at Lena’s on her way to work, wishing her luck and leaving Kara to wander up the driveway, a nervous smile on her face as she knocked on the door and waited for Lena to answer. It was only a few minutes before it was pulled open to reveal a tired looking Lena, her eyes bloodshot and a tired smile curling her lips as she let Kara in from out the cold. The sky was overcast and the wind had a bitter chill to it as the early signs of the storm blew in from the sea. Hanging her coat up and dumping her overnight bag in the hallway, Kara followed Lena to the kitchen, staying for another cup of tea and a quick pep talk off her girlfriend, before Lena handed her a key to the fully charged Tesla and gave her a loving kiss goodbye. As Kara climbed into the cool interior of the car, fiddling with the heating and the radio, she smiled as Lena gave her a small wave from the porch and retreated back inside, the seafoam green door firmly closing behind her.

 

            With a deep breath, Kara pulled away from the house and started driving towards National City, the drive seeming so different to all the usual rides on dusty Greyhound buses, the sounds of other people fussing about breaking through her concentration as she read or wrote. Instead of sitting on one of the worn patterned seats, idley trying to pass the time, she was behind the wheel, enjoying the way the car felt in her control as she followed the winding roads of the coastline, the engine quietly purring beneath the music she sang aloud to. It was a welcome change, even if she grew stiff after a few hours sitting in the driver’s seat. 

 

            By the time she made it to the outer limits of the city, it was around lunchtime and Kara’s stomach was rumbling, the grimy pizza joints and kebab shops wedged in beside the cheap cafe’s and convenience stores calling to her as she drove through damp streets, neon signs reflecting off puddles as the roads held a slight sheen to them. Making her way straight to the towering skyscraper the newspaper operated out of, Kara found a nearby parking metre, slipping coins into the machine, before she wove her way through the pedestrians flowing up and down the street. She was a little early, just in case the traffic had been bad on the outer limits of the city, which gave her enough time to squeeze in lunch before her meeting. A nearby noodle bar caught her attention, and she gingerly ate her Pad Thai, trying not to stain her white shirt, and called Alex and Lena to let them both know she was there.

 

            When it neared two o’clock, Kara left the noodle bar and made her way back towards the skyscraper, her coat held close around her and an umbrella overhead as the first few heavy rain clouds opened up above them, each drop drumming into the taut fabric as she hurried down the street. Pausing outside for a moment, popping a few mints in her mouth and checking her appearance in her reflection in one of the full length ground floor windows, Kara walked into the warm lobby, shrugging out of her coat and putting her umbrella down. There was a stand near the door and she assumed it wouldn’t get stolen so she shoved it in and walked over to the front desk. With a visitor’s badge pinned to the front of her shirt, Kara was directed towards the bank of gleaming elevators and excitedly climbed into one, feeling her pulse race as she tried to breathe evenly. 

 

            When the doors parted with a ding, Kara stepped out into a bustling office, reporters talking on phones and typing away at their computers in their office cubicles, while interns rushed coffee around and carried stacks of files. There were TV’s dotted around the room, different news channels regaling them with stories and updates, while phones rang off the hook and reporters clustered around in groups, chatting about stories. It was all familiar to Kara, reminding her so much of CatCo - without the fashion - and she felt a pang of nostalgia and a longing for this atmosphere again. She had forgotten how much she’d loved chasing a new story, with deadlines and digging up information, the interviews and late nights trying to finish off puff pieces about the latest celebrity gossip. Writing her novel wasn’t the same, no matter how much she pretended that it was, and Kara hadn’t  _ truly _ realised how much she missed reporting until she’d stepped into that office and the familiarity had hit her. She wanted this more than anything.

 

            Finding a nearby intern, she asked for directions to the Editor-in-Chief’s office and gratefully thanked the girl, before she navigated her way through the busy room and found herself outside a spacious office with the door closed. There was a desk outside with a woman manning it and as soon as Kara gave her name she nodded, climbing to her feet and knocking on the door, poking her head inside to announce her. Kara nervously ran her hands over her pants and cleared her throat, relinquishing her coat to the assistant and letting herself be ushered into the large room. Glass windows overlooked the city, the grey skies cloudy and gloomy, and a yellow warmth permeated the room from the overhead lights, making it seem a little more welcoming. Not welcoming enough to chase away the unease Kara felt run through her at the sight of the woman sitting at the desk.

 

            Something wasn’t right, and Kara hesitated just inside the door, which was pulled closed behind her, effectively trapping her inside and making her feel ambushed. It wasn’t the woman seated  _ behind _ the desk - she was Lana Lang, the Editor-in-Chief, and Kara knew that - it was the other woman, who Kara also knew, and knew well enough to know that she didn’t belong there. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kara took a slow step forward as both of them climbed to their feet. 

 

            “Miss Danvers,” Lana said, rounding the desk and holding a hand out for her to shake, a warm smile on her face, “thank you for coming on such short notice. Lillian here put in a good word for you and we wanted to get you in as soon as possible.”

 

            Glancing over at the elegant woman, Kara couldn’t manage more than a hesitant smile as she shook hands with Lana, the feeling of unease only growing stronger. She’d never met Lena’s mother before, but she knew her, and more importantly, she didn’t trust her. Those cold eyes were distrusting as well, and Kara couldn’t help but flush slightly as it dawned on her that Lillian must’ve known  _ exactly _ who she was, and more importantly, what Kara had written about her and her company. The tension in the air was almost palpable, and Kara felt her hands clam up as she balled them into fists at her side, feeling like she was about to get in trouble for something.

 

            “Thank you, Miss Lang,” Kara managed to say, her voice shaky even to her own ears, and her blue eyes nervously darting over to Lillian. “And you, Mrs Luthor.”

 

            With a sharp smile and a hard laugh, Lillian waved Kara’s words aside with a swat of her hand, staring at her so intensely that Kara had to look at the lapel of her shirt because she couldn’t quite bring herself to look her in the eye. “Oh it’s nothing, and please, no need to be so formal. After all, you  _ are _ Lena’s girlfriend.”

 

            Fighting back a blush, Kara silently nodded, unsure of how to react. She knew for a fact that Lena hadn’t told her mother about them - she only spoke to her mom on special occasions, as far as Kara knew, which included birthdays, Christmases, New Year’s, and anniversaries of deaths - which meant that Lillian had found out on her own, and she sounded much too smug as she replied, looking at Kara with thinly veiled contempt.

 

            “Please, take a seat,” Lana said, gesturing to the open seat beside the one Lillian had been occupying. 

 

            Hurrying to sit down, Kara sank down onto the leather seat cushion and surreptitiously glanced around the neat office. Framed college degrees decorated the wall to her right, above a low row of files and books. A pot full of expensive pens sat on the desk, alongside a name placard, and a half-full mesh wastebin sat beside the desk, balls of crumpled up paper piled up. The only spot of colour was the green leafy plant situated in the corner where the full length windows joined, giving it plenty of sunlight, except on stormy days like today.

 

            “I have to go and get some forms for you to read over. If you’ll just excuse me a second,” Lana said, giving Kara an apologetic look before she glanced at Lillian. 

 

            Kara knew it was a weak excuse - if she’d needed anything, her assistant would fetch it for her in a heartbeat - and Lana knew that she knew that, but whatever reason she had for being there stemmed from Lillian’s desire to talk to her, and the only way that would’ve happened was with an ambush. It dawned on Kara, rather a little slowly she was ashamed to admit, that she had been played. There was no interview, just a powerful woman calling in a favour with someone she knew Kara would leap at the chance to meet with at the prospect of a job offer. Feeling foolish, Kara nodded, listening to the heels retreating across the tiled floor, before she was left alone with Lillian. The silence hung heavy over them, weighing down on Kara until she felt like she was suffocating in the stiff tension, but she didn’t know what to say to the woman she’d never so much as been in the same vicinity as, let alone come close to having a conversation with. 

 

            She waited for Lillian to speak first, glancing up at the woman who was prowling back and forth, reading Lana’s credentials hanging on the wall and picking up a trinket resting on top of the low row shelves. Eventually she seemed to think she’d kept Kara waiting long enough, letting the uneasiness grow as Kara rigidly sat in the seat, waiting to find out the real reason why she’d been summoned under false pretenses. It would’ve had to have been important to warrant Lillian’s attention.

 

            “How long have you been seeing my daughter?” she eventually asked, rounding on Kara and giving her a hard look.

 

            Gently clearing her voice, Kara looked at her, “six months.”

 

            “Ah. She hasn’t mentioned you.”

 

            “I didn’t expect her to,” Kara honestly replied, shrugging nonchalantly. It was no surprise to her that Lena wouldn’t have shared anything personal with her mom - it wasn’t like they were close. “How did you find out?”

 

            Lillian nodded at Kara’s comment, a slight smile on her lips, even though it never reached her eyes. She looked faintly amused, as if she knew something that Kara didn’t. It put Kara on edge. “Jack Spheer,” she eventually replied, answering her question.

 

            Kara closed her eyes for a moment, letting out a soft sigh. Of course it would’ve been him - no one else would know, and Sam certainly wouldn’t betray Lena’s trust, even for her own boss - and Kara felt slightly rankled by the thought of him going to Lillian. Then it occurred to him that he might not have known that she wasn’t aware of her daughter’s circumstances. Lillian kept tabs on Lena, but not enough to know anything beyond the fact that she was still living in Midvale, and of course Jack would bump into her at high society social events or even business meetings, and of course Lena would be a mutual topic for them - he  _ had _ been engaged to her for a few weeks, and a long-term family friend, from what Kara knew of his and Lena’s long relationship. He had seemed nice when Kara had met him, and she couldn’t imagine him bearing any ill will to the woman he was still somewhat in love with; he just didn’t seem the type.

 

            They were silent for a few moments, the only sound being Lillian’s heels slowly clicking as she wandered back and forth, making Kara feel more and more anxious with each step. Eventually, she let out a heavy sigh and walked over to the desk, sitting down in Lana’s seat and steepling her fingers as she gave Kara an appraising look.

 

            “Shall I cut to the chase?”

 

            Kara gave her a curt nod, her brow creasing slightly with worry, “yes, I’d like to know the real reason why I’m here.”

 

            “Do you love my daughter?”

 

            “Yes,” Kara answered, her mouth feeling dry at the line of questioning.

 

            “Do you think you’re deserving of her?”

 

            “I- ah, well, I’m not really sure. I would hope that she thinks so.”

 

            Nodding, Lillian rolled the chair towards the side of the desk with the chair she’d been sitting on, reaching around the side to pick her bag up off the floor, before she rifled through the contents and pulled out a cheque book and a fine pine. Opening it, she filled out one of the slips of paper and tore it out of the book, primly setting it down in front of Kara for her to see the number written in the box.

 

            “This is yours, if you want it. As well as a permanent full-time position here as a journalist,” Lillian said, tapping one finger on the cheque.

 

            Kara didn’t so much as touch the slip of paper, although her eyes widened at the number of zeros after the one. Leaning back in her chair, she gave Lillian a cool look, “what’s the catch?”

 

            “I want you to end things with my daughter,” Lillian bluntly replied. “I’ll give you a week to tie up any loose ends, and then you’ll move back here and never see her again. I can have an apartment ready in your name too, if you’d like.”

 

            Scoffing, Kara reached out and pushed the cheque back across the desk, the slow rasping of paper filling the strained silence between them. Reaching out, Lillian picked it up and set it back down in front of herself, pen poised over the paper. “Would another zero suffice?”

 

            Choking on her surprise, Kara watched as another zero was added, and she knew how obscene it was for someone to be offering her that much money, on top of her dream career and what would no doubt be an apartment that she would never be able to afford. It struck her for the first time that Lena’s obvious wealth and luxury at her modest house in Midvale was nothing compared to what she had grown up with.

 

            “I can’t be bought,” Kara stiffly replied, her voice almost haughty.

 

            Sighing, Lillian picked up the cheque and slipped it back into her bag, along with the pen, before pulling out a slim file and dropping it onto the desk with an ominous thud. “It would’ve been easier if you’d just taken the money and the job, Miss Danvers.”

 

            “What do you-”

 

            “June twenty-first; mysterious piano player in woods, every evening for the past week,” Lillian read aloud from the file she’d opened, peering down at the page on top. Kara paled slightly at her words. “July sixteenth; blinded by botched surgery at thirteen. Detached retinas from extreme nearsightedness. Difficult relationship with family - especially mom. Ah, and here; August twentieth. Brother-” she faltered slightly before continuing, “died from apparent suicide. Supportive of music. Spoilt trust-fund kid. Vanity and arrogance - praised personality traits. No longer performs music for people. My, your notes are quite extensive, Miss Danvers. There’s a  _ lot _ of personal details in here - some that my daughter hasn’t even shared with me. Although, I should hardly be surprised; once a reporter, always a reporter. Your work is meticulous. I wonder if Lena thinks so too.”

 

            Kara could feel her heart beating so loudly that she was surprised she wasn’t deafened by the sound of as she clutched at the thighs of her pants, gripping the material so tightly her knuckles turned white. She was sure her face was just as pale with shock. “Where did you get that?” she hoarsely asked.

 

            With a quick laugh, Lillian made an off-handed gesture, looking smug with herself. Leaning back in the chair, she crossed her arms over her chest, giving Kara a satisfied look. “You should know better than to keep all of your files online. I have the whole of the draft for your novel here too,” Lillian told her, tapping her finger on the file, her eyebrows slightly raised. “I’m assuming Lena doesn’t know about this little pet project of yours. My daughter has never taken well to people prying into her business. Does she even know you were a reporter? She’s never been stupid, and I don’t believe she’d be stupid enough to trust someone who airs people’s dirty laundry for a living. But maybe I’m wrong. It’s happened before - rarely, I’ll admit - but I feel like this is something Lena would be  _ very _ interested to find out about.”

 

            “What do you want?” Kara asked, her voice strained with fear.

 

            “I’ve already told you,” Lillian bluntly replied, her teasing tone gone, replaced with a frosty brusqueness, “and now you’ll give it to me.”

 

            Kara swallowed the lump in her throat with some difficulty, shaking her head as she opened and closed her mouth, trying to find the words to object. She wouldn’t give Lena up for all the money in the world, and she’d explain the novel to her herself - Lena would understand - and if she wasn’t happy about it, Kara would get rid of it. “Why’re you doing this?”

 

            “Because I love my daughter,” Lillian said, “and as much as she wants to see me as this monster who ruined her life, I want what’s best for her. A reporter sniffing around … well now, that just doesn’t sit right with me. I don’t trust you to have her best interests at heart. You’re not  _ good _ for her, and now she knows it.”

 

            “Wha- you told her?” Kara asked, her face aghast as she felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. Shaking her head, she ground her teeth together. “No. She won’t believe you. You’re twisting the truth and she knows better than to believe you.”

 

            “No, but she’ll believe  _ you _ ,” Lillian said, a wicked smile splitting her face as she leant forward in the chair, reaching for something hidden beside the computer keyboard. It was a phone, Kara realised, and for a moment she had the dreadful thought that Lillian had been recording it, with the intention of giving it to Lena, but she was one step ahead of Kara, and when she slowly set the phone down in between them, Kara saw the screen light up with a call in progress. What little blood had been in her face must’ve drained away at the realisation that she’d been played again. “And you just confirmed everything for me.”

 

            Looking down at the phone, Kara’s mouth hung open as she tried to say something - anything - knowing that it was Lena on the other end of it. She would’ve heard everything Lillian had said, and she would’ve heard the fear in Kara’s voice when Lillian had started reading out the notes and drafts she’d somehow acquired from Kara’s emails and writing programs. She couldn’t make her voice work to defend herself; all she could do was utter one word, her voice cracking as she let out a shuddering breath. “Lena.”

 

            With a quiet tut, Lillian grimaced down at the phone. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way.”

 

            The phone went dead with no reply, and the sound of the dialing tone seemed to snap Kara out of her shock. Jumping to her feet, she picked her bag up and didn’t even spare the smug looking woman across the desk another glance as she raced out of the room. If the assistant manning the desk hadn’t jumped to her feet and hurried after Kara with her coat in hand, she probably would’ve left it there in her haste to leave the building. As it was, when she reached the lobby, she left her umbrella behind as she all but ran towards the doors, a smattering of rain dotting her skin and the white fabric of her shirt. She didn’t even pause to put her coat on, she just rushed towards the parking spot she’d left the Tesla at, her breathing ragged as she breathlessly swore under her breath, an overwhelming feeling of panic setting in.

 

            She’d fucked up and she knew it, and worst of all, Lena knew it. All plans of staying in the city for the night went out the window, and Kara made a mental note to call Alex later on that night and vaguely explain what had happened, but right at that moment, her only thought was about talking to Lena. As she pushed through throngs of people, Kara had her phone pressed up against her ear, listening to it go straight to voicemail, again and again. She left a distraught message, her voice shaking as she asked Lena to call her back or answer the phone, but by the time she reached the car, there had been no reply.

 

            Within minutes, she was sitting in the flow of traffic heading away from the city centre, her hands gripping the steering wheel tightly as her free leg jiggled nervously and a feeling of frustration welled up as she stared at the long line of red brake lights stretching out before her. A light rain splattered against her windshield and the darkening clouds overhead seemed ominous, even though Kara knew the city wouldn’t be expecting more than some showers. It was going to get worse as she made her way north, towards Midvale, but Kara didn’t even spare the weather a second thought as she ground her teeth together, blinking back tears as she tried to stay calm.

 

            Soon enough the outskirts of the city gave way to rolling neighbourhoods, before she was on the highway, leaving National City behind in a hazy mist of rain, the slick roads passing beneath the tyres of the car with a rapid speed that was bordering on a little uncautious with the incoming bad weather. It only got worse as she drove towards Midvale, with the rain lashing at her windscreen, the wipers barely able to keep up with streams of water running across the glass, and the sky was so dark it was almost black by the time she hit the outer limits of the town. 

 

            After hours of driving, she had been able to talk herself out of her panic, but a knot of fear sat in her stomach, and as she flew down Main Street and headed towards Lena’s house, Kara felt the heavy weight of worry settle in again, setting her heart pounding and palms turning slick as they gripped the steering wheel. Surely Lena would listen to her though. She would give Kara the chance to explain herself. But as Kara pulled up outside the familiar grey house, it looked dark and uninviting, and as she stared through the sheet of rain, she felt her small flicker of hope extinguish. Lena felt things strongly and deeply, and her hurt would run very deep indeed. Still, Kara had to try, and she stepped out into the freezing cold downpour, her coat half on as she tried to keep herself dry, running up the path and fishing her key to the house out of her pocket. It turned easily in the lock and Kara barely dared to breathe as she pushed the door inwards, anxiously waiting to find out her fate.

 

            “Lena,” Kara quietly said, shivering as she stepped into the dark house. It was eerily quiet, and her wet boots squeaked on the wooden floor as she wearily made her way through the house.

 

            Switching the light on in the kitchen, Kara found it empty, shards of a shattered teacup abandoned on the floor, and she felt cold all of a sudden, quickly retreating and calling out for Lena again as walked back the way she’d come. Her voice seemed too loud in the almost suffocating silence, the only sound the creaking of the house and the rattling of the shutters as the wind howled outside. The thought that she should’ve closed the shutters before the storm had hit crossed Kara’s mind. Checking the main living room downstairs, Kara switched the light off in there as well, and was about to make her way upstairs, the next logical place to check for Lena being the piano room, when a soft voice drifted down the hallway.

 

            The bottom step creaked beneath Kara’s foot as she lifted her weight off it, whirling around and making for the small living room with the window seat overlooking the garden. The door was already ajar, and Kara pushed it open, fumbling for the light switch and flooding the room with a harsh yellow light. It was freezing inside, and she shivered in the doorway, taking in the small figure curled up on the window seat, sitting beside the open window as rain lashed against the side of the house, a smattering of raindrops darkening the windowsill and the grey cushion of the window seat. Kara hesitated in the doorway, a feeling of relief washing over her as she ran a hand through her damp hair, the slow plink of water dripping onto the hardwood floors the only sound, except for the wind whistling as it wormed its way into the room through the cracked open window. Crossing over to the window, Kara slammed it shut, plunging them into further tense silence, and she stared down at Lena with a guilty look on her face.

 

            “Please, just let me explain,” Kara slowly said, her heart racing in her chest as she was filled with the awful fear that it was too late for explanations.

 

            Lifting her head and pushing her dark hair out of her face, Lena looked up at her with anger and hurt in her eyes. She’d been crying, the tears angrily wiped away until her eyes had been left red, and her face was all hard angles as she looked up at where she thought Kara to be. “Go on then.”

 

            “I don’t know how much you heard, or what she told you before, but that’s _not_ the whole story,” Kara said, swallowing the lump in her throat. Even as she spoke, the guilt was almost too much for her to bear, and she knew that she’d been wrong to keep it from Lena. There had been so many times when Lena had asked her what she was writing about, or to read her some, and Kara had gave her a vague reply, knowing that Lena wouldn’t be very enthusiastic about the topic. She had known it, but she’d hoped that once it was all said and done, she’d see that it wasn’t  _ about her _ , it was just loosely based on them, and maybe she’d think it was good. 

 

            “I _heard_ you, Kara,” Lena said, her voice stiff and weary, “you admitted it to my mom.”

 

            “And you think she has your best interests at heart? She’s trying to stir up trouble!”

 

            Scoffing, Lena turned away from her, resting her chin on her knees as she wrapped her arms around her folded legs, leaving Kara standing in front of her, feeling agitated at the heavy tension hanging between them. She wanted to say something, anything, but she wanted Lena to say something too. Her anger was clear in her eyes, her face, her posture, and Kara just wanted her to understand that she hadn’t done anything to hurt her. Lillian had tried to twist it and make it seem like she’d been spying on Lena, which couldn’t have been further from the truth, and she just wanted Lena to believe her when she said it. Instead, she stood there in silence, creating a small wet patch on the floor as beads of water ran down her coat and splattered onto the floor.

 

            It felt like an eternity before Lena turned to her again, an accusing look in her eyes. “Was she wrong? Did you write about me?”

 

            “I mean … yes, but it wasn’t  _ about you _ ,” Kara hesitantly replied, rushing to try and explain herself at the end, “I just-”

 

            “I told you  _ not _ to write about me,” Lena cut her off, her voice dangerously low.

 

            Spluttering, Kara blinked in surprise. “No,” she tentatively said, a wary look on her face, “no, you didn’t. You said you didn’t  _ want _ me to write about you. You didn’t tell me  _ not _ to. Look,  I know you’re upset, and I know that you’ve been going through a diff-”

 

            “No, do  _ not _ turn this into something about my brother,” Lena snapped, pointing a finger at Kara, “this isn’t about  _ him, _ it’s about  _ you. _ You know, for all your talk about how honesty means so much to you, you’re a bit of a hypocrite, Kara.” She gave her a rueful smile, her eyes glassy as if she was about to start crying again.

 

            A feeling of shame washed over her, and Kara swallowed the lump in her throat, finding it hard to talk as she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry.”

 

            Letting out a sharp laugh, Lena gave her a reproachful look. “Are you? Because you had so many chances to tell me -  _ so many _ \- but you didn’t. If you’re sorry, you’re only sorry that I found out and got mad.”

 

            “No, I-”

 

            “Oh  _ good _ , you’ve got an excuse. Let’s hear it then,” Lena scoffed, beckoning for Kara to continue when she fell silent, her cheeks turning red as she shuffled her feet. With a forceful sigh, Lena gave her a hard look, her gaze unwavering and almost unnerving in their keen frostiness, as if she was  _ seeing _ her. “What, you don’t have one? Or is it worse than I’m imagining? Because the worst is pretty fucking bad.”

 

            Drawing in a shuddering breath, Kara looked down at her feet to escape Lena’s intense glare. “I didn’t- I don’t know what you’re thinking, but it’s not- it’s not that. I didn’t do it to hurt you, I just- I started writing it before I even knew it  _ was _ you.”

 

            Lena spluttered, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration, “but you had  _ months _ to stop! Instead you just- you collected more and more things I told you. You know, I didn’t believe her when she told me at first. I thought no, Kara wouldn’t do something like this. She wouldn’t sit there and listen to me pour my heart out while she was taking fucking  _ notes _ . More the fool me, huh?”

 

            “I didn’t- I didn’t think-”

 

            “That I’d find out?  _ Clearly.” _

 

            “No! I mean … yes, but no - I was always going to tell you. I was just waiting for the right time. I-I wanted to finish it first. It’s not what it sounds like, I-”

 

            “Oh  _ good, _ because to me it seems like I was played by a fucking reporter. I don’t know at what point I should’ve known better, but  _ God _ , I feel like an idiot. I should’ve known it was too good to be true. A woman, who just got fired for writing an article about my mom, is recently single and homeless and just shows up here one day? Did you even  _ get  _ fired? Or is this some elaborate revenge assignment, and you were sent here to seduce and manipulate the daughter of the woman you despise so you could take notes during pillow talk and expose all the dirty secrets in my family? Has that what this has been about this whole time? Do you even really love me or am I just a means to an end? Just a good story to drag my family’s name through the mud and boost your reputation.”

 

            “Don’t you dare-”

 

            “No, don’t  _ you _ dare,” Lena snapped.

 

            Kara’s temper flared up at the accusation, and she blinked back angry tears as she scowled at Lena, “is that really what you think of me? You think that I’m some cold hearted bitch who was using you for a good story?”

 

            Tilting her head to the side, Lena gave her a small smile laced with pain and sadness, “I don’t know, Kara. You’re not who I thought you were.”

 

            Pressing her lips together in a thin line to stop her bottom lip from quivering, Kara stamped down the urge to cry and breathed in deeply through her nose. “I know how it sounds, but that’s not how it is! Yes, okay, _yes_ , I wrote down some of the things that you told me, but if you'd just let me read you what I wrote-”

 

            “I want you to go,” Lena quietly said, ducking her head as she fiddled with the cuff of her sweatshirt.

 

            Panic seized her heart, and Kara felt the air rush out of her lungs as she took a small step towards her, “Lena, please, I-”

 

            “I’m-,” she cut her off, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, the muscles in her jaw working as she collected her thoughts, “I’m angry at you right now, and I don’t want to be angry at you because I’ll say something that I’ll regret, so please, just go.”

 

            “Just … hold on a second. Can’t we talk about it?” Kara asked, her voice hoarse and her hands shaking.

 

            Without another word, Lena turned around and walked out of the room, and Kara let out a sound of frustration, running a hand through her hair as her eyes prickled with tears. She couldn’t fault Lena for being angry with her - she was angry at  _ herself - _ but she didn’t want things to change. It had all been perfect again, settling back down after she had been hurt by Lena’s secrets, and Kara couldn’t help but think that maybe that should’ve been the first warning that she should be honest about the story she’d been writing for months. Lena was right - she had been a hypocrite to accuse Lena of lying while keeping her own secrets from her. Neither of them had meant to hurt the other, but they had, and that was all that mattered. Except Kara had tried to see it from Lena’s perspective, but Lena had decided to call it a night, even if Kara didn’t want to leave. She was torn between pursuing the matter or letting it lie for the evening.

 

            The sound of a door slamming broke her out of her frustrated indecisiveness - she didn’t want to leave Lena in the middle of a fight, but she knew that there would be no reasoning with her while she was angry, and it was a rational kind of anger, which just made it even worse - and Kara frowned. Walking over to the door, she stared out into the dark hallway, hearing no signs of movement from Lena, and she was sure she hadn’t heard her walk upstairs either. Quickly checking all the rooms downstairs, Kara realised with a start that she had  _ left _ . Unwilling to stand around and listen to Kara try and reason, she had seemingly gone outside, heedless of the raging storm and torrential rain. Swearing, Kara ran down the hallway and yanked open the back door, squinting through the sheet of heavy rain as she tried to make out any movements in the dark.

 

            Cursing, she took off down the porch steps, running across the grass and through the thin border of trees separating Lena’s backyard from the sand dunes, rain dripping down from tree branches as she stumbled over clumps of wet, rotting leaves while branches hidden in the suffocating darkness whipped at her cheeks. She staggered out of the trees with relief, her feet sinking into wet sand as the smell of the sea hit her with its full force, mingling with the pouring rain and the smell of the storm. With a flash of lightning, she stared wide-eyed at the foreign looking beach spread out before her. She’d been to the beach hundreds of times since living in Midvale, spending countless summer days and nights there, in the sunshine or in complete darkness, in blistering heat or surprise showers, but it had never felt as sinister and unwelcoming as it did then. The back of her neck prickled with unease as she took in the seaweed strewn sand and damp driftwood logs littering the empty beach, and she swallowed the lump in her throat as she was plunged back into darkness a moment later.

 

            Lena wasn’t there. There was only so many places she would go though, and Kara could list all of them with ease, so without a second of hesitation, she whirled around and started running down the path leading towards the cliffs, the rain lashing at her and soaking her through. She couldn’t help but be angry with Lena for running out into the storm, shivers wracking her as freezing rainwater snaked down the collar of her coat and the wind buffeted her. She was having a hard enough time running down the small worn path and she could  _ see,  _ and Lena was prone to falling even when everything wasn’t slick with rain and a strong wind threatened to blow her over.

 

            But with the next flash of lightning, Kara saw a lone figure struggling up ahead and she felt the air snatched from her lungs as she let out a sigh, relief washing over her. Of course she wouldn’t have gotten very far when she couldn’t run. Quickening her pace, Kara splashed through a puddle pooling in a dip in the path, wiping her hair out of her wet face and ignoring the sharp coldness burning down her throat with each breath.

 

            “Lena!” she shouted, her words whipped away by the wind almost as soon as she’d spoken.

 

            Gritty sand was crushed beneath her feet, and wet leaves swirled around in a maelstrom of wind, some of them flurrying towards Kara and sticking to her coat, but Kara was in too much of a rush to care, chasing after Lena in the darkness, craving the quick flashes of lightning, even if the rumbling thunder put her on edge. It only took her a few more moments to reach Lena, who was struggling along the familiar path with hunched shoulders, nearing the base of the slope of their cliff, and Kara reached out for her. One thing she’d learnt was never to just grab Lena, and with the loud storm raging on, Lena hadn’t heard her approaching, but Kara was angry, wet and cold and she wanted to drag Lena back to her house, so she broke one of her carefully constructed rules and grabbed her by the arm.

 

            Lena jumped and whirled around, stumbling backwards and tearing her arm out of Kara’s as she looked at her with wide, dark eyes. Her face was stark white in the darkness, and Kara felt some of her anger with her dissipate. Her teeth were chattering and her dark hair was plastered to her face, her blind eyes darting around slightly.

 

            “Lena,” Kara shouted over the sound of the wind, “what’re you doing? Are you crazy? You shouldn’t be out here. Let's go home! ”

 

            She seemed to relax slightly at the realisation that it was Kara, going slightly limp beneath Kara’s touch as she held her by the shoulders, blinking rain out of her face as she looked down at her. Her expression darkened though, her eyebrows knitting together in a frown and her lips moving soundlessly as a new peal of thunder seemed to shake everything around them. Despite the pouring rain, screaming wind and crackling thunder drowning out any other sounds, the air between them was thick and heavy with the anger still radiating off Lena in waves. Kara could almost physically feel it, the air between them charged, and even though she hadn’t heard what Lena had said, she knew they weren’t kind words, and she let her hands drop uselessly to her sides as Lena turned around and carried on walking.

 

            Her stomach roiled with worry and a rush of frustration swept through her - did Lena plan on staying out here all night? She was being ridiculous and she was going to catch a cold - and Kara stumbled after her, her feet slipping on the wet rock. If it was windy before, it was nothing like being on the cliffs, battered by strong gusts of wind and stinging drops or rain and grains of sand. If it wasn’t for her glasses, Kara wouldn’t have been able to see from the sheer force of the weather assaulting her, as it was, she was squinting as rain dropped from her brow and into her eyes, but it didn’t stop her from staggering after Lena, fighting the wind every step of the way while she shouted after her. Every word fell on deaf ears.

 

            Until everything seemed to slow down for a moment. The wind died after that last strong gust, and the last echoes of the previous rumble of thunder faded, and it was just the sound of the rain and the silence between them hanging heavily. And then, with a flash of lightning running jaggedly across the black sky, Kara’s heart leapt into her throat, and she took another step forward, staring at Lena with wide eyes.

 

            “Lena,” she called out, her voice wavering as she shuffled closer, plunging back into darkness as the lightning faded as quickly as it had come, “come away from the edge.”

 

            “Go home, Kara,” Lena snapped, oblivious to the edge she teetered on. She relied on counted footsteps and awareness of her surroundings, but without her cane to alert her to the open air, and with the storm messing up her measured steps with lurching staggering, she probably didn’t know how close she stood. “I want to be alone tonight.”

 

            Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kara took a measured step closer, nodding her head earnestly as if to appease Lena. All the while, she was thinking about the razor sharp rocks poking up through the perilous waves like jagged teeth waiting to slice a person to pieces. And if the rocks didn’t get you, the waves would undoubtedly drag you down into its icy depths, clutching at clothes and worming its way into your nose and mouth until all the air was replaced with water, before it dashed you against the rocks like a ragdoll. And she thought about Lena, standing so close that it had Kara’s heart pumping in her chest as she reached out with one hand. 

 

            Rain splattered the back of her hand as she reached out in the dark, the sound of the sea roaring in her ears as she took a tentative step towards Lena, knowing that this time she couldn’t startle her. It was so dark without the lightning though, and Kara bit back a yell at a crack of thunder so loud it seemed as if the sky was being smashed apart.

 

            But she’s seen the lightning. She’d seen it and knew that when lightning struck, thunder would be quick to follow, following a repetitive cycle until the storm broke. A part of her had been coiled in tense preparation of the loud booming, but Lena hadn’t. Oblivious, she could’ve been standing a dozen feet away from the edge of the cliff as far as she knew, her insides clenched with fear as she waited for the inevitable thunder, not knowing when it would startle her. If she’d been standing anywhere else, it might not have made a difference, but standing on the edge of the cliff, at the exact moment the wind picked up, harrying them with even more force than before, she jumped at the deafening peal of thunder. She jumped and slipped slightly on the slippery edge, her arms windmilling as she tried to catch her balance while the wind buffeted her.

 

            There was nothing Kara could do when she heard the small cry of fear, and when a flash of lightning lit up the night a moment later, illuminating an empty cliff edge, she felt something inside of her break, and a pitiful whimper fell from between her chattering teeth and numb lips. There was nothing she could do to stop it, so she did the only thing she could do and jumped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't exactly call it a cliffhanger as per se lmao, more like a cliff jumping?


	31. Chapter 31

            It was somewhat ironic that things happened the way they did, and if Kara had time to pause and think, she might’ve found herself having come a full circle, albeit in a roundabout way. Still, so many things parallelled that first day, and if things had started differently, perhaps they would’ve ended differently too. If she hadn’t written that article, she wouldn’t have been fired on that first day. If Mike hadn’t kicked her out on that first day, she would never have caught a bus back to Midvale. She would never have gone for a walk along the beach and climbed the gentle incline to the lip of the cliffs reaching out over the heaving sea. The first story she told Lena might not have been about the two lovers who jumped off the edge together when everything had seemed impossible. She might not have fallen in love. If it hadn’t been for that first day, she might never have found herself in the sea that night.

 

            As it was, that first day  _ had _ happened. She’d been fired, she’d been dumped, she’d rode miles on a cramped bus to come back home, and she’d met Lena. And Kara knew that if it hadn’t been for Lena, so many things would’ve been different. When it was all said and done, she wouldn’t have been standing on the edge of that cliff if it wasn’t for Lena. Her mind wouldn’t have been frozen in shock while her body was three steps ahead, and she wouldn’t have thrown herself off it in a desperate attempt to save the person she loved. Yet she had done just that.

 

            The drop seemed even further than it had looked, the night a suffocating darkness around her as the roaring sound of the sea rushed up to meet her. The wind screamed as Kara dropped like a stone, tugging at her hair and clothes and the rain smarted as it struck her numb skin, chilling her to her core as she fell. The sea was a glistening inky blackness, the surface shimmering slightly even in the pitch black of night, the heavy storm clouds blocking even the faintest glimpse of the moon or stars. She didn’t even know to what end she fell, only that if she didn’t jump, it would end in Lena’s death. If there was the slightest chance that Kara could save her, she would take it every time.

 

            And then she hit the water, and it was like hitting concrete, and the shock of the freezing cold water made her gasp, bubble trailing out of her mouth as the air was stolen from her lungs and salty seawater rushed in. The thing about water is that stepping into it is a tentative thing, letting the waves rush up to meet you, or dipping in one toe, before slowly easing the rest of oneself into the embrace of it, but  _ jumping _ into it is an entirely different thing, and from the height of the top of the cliff, it was numbingly painful. And the cold was something else entirely. It seemed to seep into every inch of Kara, burrowing straight down into her bones as she sank beneath the surface of the water, forced down and down by the pressure of the sea, until she thought she would never come back up. Her lungs were already aching, the wind having been knocked out of her the moment she struck the water with a painful smack.

 

            She had never been afraid of the water. Summer days were spent at the beach, swimming out as far as Eliza would let her go while Alex tried to teach her to surf, and Kara was confident in her ability to swim. It had been something of an escape for her when she’d come to Midvale, having lost both of her parents in a fire. Water was the opposite of fire. It couldn’t burn, no matter how much you tried to set it on fire, and it eased Kara’s anxious thoughts about flickering flames licking up the bedroom wall and the thick, choking black smoke finding its way into her lungs. The ocean wasn’t hot and it didn’t eat up houses and destroy everything in a blazing inferno. To her, it had always been a restless creature that soothed and healed, the small cuts on her hands and feet from clambering over the sharp rocks stinging as the salt water washed them out, and the gentle ebbing and flowing of the shallow waves gently rocking her back and forth as she lay on her back, basking in the sunlight. It had never frightened her - not until she felt the crushing weight of the whole ocean bearing down on her, pushing her down and tossing her around in the current, until she didn’t know which way was up and which way was down. 

 

            Her whole body was numb, and she felt senseless. It was so dark that she couldn’t see a single thing, and aside from the burning ache in her lungs, she couldn’t feel her body at all, and that far down beneath the waves, everything was muffled. The thunder was a gentle rumble, mixing with the distant sound of the waves, and it was almost peaceful. She had heard once that it was peaceful to drown, once the lungs had filled up with water, and in that moment, suspended in the icy sea with no sense of herself, Kara believed it.

 

            And then a dazzling light lit up the world for a moment, the colours wrong and distorted as the ripples of the current swirled and eddied, but providing a moment of clarity to her. The surface wasn’t so far away. She just had to swim. If she could just get her arms to move, she could paddle upwards and drink in the sharp, cold air. She could find Lena. Eyes burning from the salt as she blearily looked around, realising that she’d lost her glasses somewhere, Kara blinked slowly. Everything felt a little disjointed and jerky as she tried to get herself to move. It was like everything was moving slowly - time, her mind, her body - and Kara objectively knew that it couldn’t have been more than a couple of seconds since she’d been dragged under, but her thoughts were all jumbled and a few bubbles slipped between her lips.

 

            The shock went as quickly as it had come, and with burning lungs, she managed to scrabble at insubstantial water, clawing her way back to the surface as she flailed her leaden arms and legs. With a burst of energy, she sightlessly gazed upwards, her blank mind unable to decipher anything except that it was  _ up _ . And she needed to go up to find Lena. She broke the surface with a great gasp, sputtering and coughing as she sucked in grateful lungfuls of freezing cold air, snaking down her throat like ice. And then a wave hit her. It had been so calm beneath the surface, so peaceful with the ocean’s gentle tugging drawing her down into its bitter cold depths, and Kara had forgotten that the sea wasn’t so forgiving at the top. The storm was still raging on, bringing large, choppy waves with it, and no sooner had she drawn in a ragged breath when she was battered by the briny surge of a powerful wave.

 

            Dragged down again, she struggled back to the surface, with one coherent thought breaking through her stunned mind; she had to get to the surface. The next time she resurfaced, her back bowed and her arms thrown back at odd angles thanks to the strength of the water pushing against her, Kara sucked in another lungful of air, before she was assaulted by the next wave. It was like a never ending cycle, until she could barely keep her sore eyes open and her throat was raw from the salt water that she inevitably swallowed. There had been two more bolts of lightning, the rivulets racing across the sky and lighting up the gloomy darkness, and she hadn’t caught a glimpse of Lena.

 

            Her panic made her lose control of herself, making it harder for her to keep her head above the waves as she was bogged down by her sodden clothes. It was almost a stroke of luck when she hit the first rock. At first she didn’t even feel the pain. A new wave had tossed her about, a warped tangle of limbs as she was helplessly hurled about by the water, following the meandering currents of the sea, and then she felt something hard and solid. Her whole body went limp for a moment, and as another flash of lightning turned everything below the surface into shades of grey, Kara blinked back dizzying black spots. It took her a moment to catch her bearings, and then she scrabbled at the coarse rock, her fingers looking for purchase as she desperately clung to it. Waves flattened her against the rock, bearing down on her with so much force that her listless arms barely able to haul her up, the skin of her fingers rubbed raw from the sharp edges as the stone bit into her hands. She didn’t feel any of it though, and she didn’t feel the rain or the salty spray of the waves when managed to half drag herself out of the sea, her heels missing and her legs drifting in the water as she retched and coughed, the briny taste of the sea coating her tongue. 

 

            Shivering and hanging onto the rock, Kara drew in ragged breaths as she looked around for a glimpse of Lena. She’d been wearing a black coat, and Kara felt a breathless sob escape her as she helplessly looked at the shimmering surface of the sea, knowing that she’d never find her in the darkness. Her phone was in her pocket, and Kara was dimly aware of that, but she knew she couldn’t let go of the rock. If she let go of the rock, she’d be lost, because the sea would take her, dashing her against the bottom of the cliffs and dragging her down with the current. If she let go, she’d be lost like Lena.

 

            And then, shivering and clinging onto the rock with her stiff fingers, numb to the pain as adrenaline coursed through her body, Kara let go. The ocean claimed her immediately, the roiling sea twisting and tossing her about, and she felt the hard bumps of more rocks as she was battered and bruised, letting the water take her. She couldn’t find Lena. Kara could barely keep her head above the water, stealing mouthfuls of air whenever frigid wind bit at her exposed cheeks, letting her know she’d resurfaced, and she knew that Lena would have even less chance than her. The moment she fell, she would’ve known there was little she could do for herself. The darkness wouldn’t have mattered to her, but Lena wouldn’t have been able to see by the occasional lightning bolts, and Kara knew she wasn’t a strong swimmer - Lena had told her that once herself - and she unless she’d found a rock to cling to by touch alone, she would’ve been swept under within moments. The shock of hitting the water could’ve been enough to make her pass out, let alone the fearful thought that she could’ve hit a rock. 

 

            If she’d hit a rock, the sea would’ve taken her, and Kara knew that if she wanted to find her, she’d have to let go too. To lose Lena to the sea forever would be unimaginable, and Kara didn’t care if she lost herself in the process - she’d find Lena. She had to. Everything that had happened, for better or worse, had brought them to that point on the edge of the cliff, and no manner of harsh words would ever make her love Lena any less. As she closed her eyes to the darkness, listening to the distant, muted sound of thunder high above, Kara resigned herself to the fact that she might be too late - for both of them. One outstanding thought was clear though, and that was that there were many things she would do differently if she had the chance. She would’ve told Lena about the book. She would’ve been content with her life in Midvale. She would’ve told Eliza how much she loved her and how grateful she was to have another mother. Perhaps Kara would’ve even loved herself enough to have walked out on Mike, or been less proud about accepting help from others. One thing she knew for sure though, she would never hesitate on the edge of that cliff.

 

            It was her unthinking lunging forward, following Lena off the edge that ended up saving her life. If she’d hesitated, she would’ve lost her forever. She wouldn’t have found her, and Kara knew that with iron certainty. They would’ve dredged the beach, bringing in divers and local fishing boats, until they’d pulled a bloated body from the depths of the sea, the skin blue and swollen from hours in the water. It wouldn’t have looked like her. It wouldn’t have been  _ her _ Lena. Kara didn’t want any other Lena, she wanted her music girl. She wanted the woman who stood too close to the edge of a cliff, listening to the sea and the wind, who poured every piece of her into her hands as they danced across ivory piano keys, and had such beautiful green eyes, the colour of the sea on a late summer’s day, that it made Kara feel like she  _ saw _ her. The thought of losing all of that had propelled her off the edge without thinking it through, because she didn’t have to think, she just knew. She knew that to lose Lena would be like losing a piece of herself - some of the best pieces. Instead, she found her.

 

            It felt like it had been hours, her body so heavy and stiff from the cold, her lungs on fire after she’d choked on mouthful after mouthful of salty seawater, and her dazed mind trying to stay conscious as she focused on finding Lena. Bandied about with all the significance of a grain of sand in the vastness of the raging sea, Kara let it take her where it wanted to, pushing her down and down, into the suffocating darkness, getting colder as she was pushed down towards the seabed. She could feel the roughness of rock scraping against her back, and then her hand, and then her bare foot as she was tossed about in circles. And then she hit the hard packed sandy floor of the sea, the current losing some of its hold on her as she was pushed down as far as she could go. The waves had stopped pushed her against the cliffs and she found herself suspended underwater, what little breath she had held inside as she refused to let even the smallest bubble out.

 

            It was the next lightning strike that saved her. In a brief moment of illumination, even at the depth at which Kara was, she saw a figure floating near the sea floor. Dark tendrils of hair fanned out from the dark figure, stretched out almost parallel to the ground, with her legs drifting a little higher up than her torso. The sight stopped Kara’s heart for a moment, a small exclamation of surprise sending a torrent of bubbles streaming from her mouth, and as she was plunged back into darkness, she started paddling through the water with renewed vigour. Cutting through the water with purpose, her heart pounding in her ears and her lungs aching, Kara blindly reached out before her. It wasn’t until she needed her sight the most that Kara realised just how much she took her ability to see for granted. Her desperation was almost palpable as she pushed against the tide, her deadened body clumsily trying to go through the motions of a breaststroke, her fingers reaching out for anything to grasp at with every stroke. 

 

            The moment her hand brushed against something solid, Kara let out a choked sob, salt water flooding into her mouth as she seized hold of the puffy coat. A feeling of relief washed over her for a moment as she maneuvered herself, getting her arms around Lena’s lifeless body and clutching her close. She’d found her. She’d found her, but Lena was as stiff as a board, unmoving and anchored down to the bottom of the sea. Kara’s relief didn’t last long, and she braced herself against the bottom of the sea, pushing off with as much force as she could. Lena weighed her down, but she couldn’t let her go. She wouldn’t. Reaching upwards, as if she was waiting for a hand to come down and take hold of her and pull them both to safety, Kara kicked her feet in a frenzy, her teeth ground together in grim determination. She’d  _ found _ her; she couldn’t give up now.

 

            When she eventually made it up to the surface, her lungs feeling like they were about to burst as she drew in a desperate breath of air, Kara had Lena’s back braced against her chest, holding her tightly while the other woman’s head lolled against Kara’s arm, her dark hair swirling in the water as lightning blazed across the sky. A wave flattened them against the side of the cliff, and Kara spluttered as water chased its way up her nose and into her mouth. She was tiring, quickly, and she knew she could only hold Lena for so long. It had only been a couple of minutes, although it had felt like she’d been trapped in the sea for hours in her confused and stunned state, being flung about as she searched for Lena, and she knew that Lena needed oxygen. Kara wasn’t in a position to judge her condition, but she knew she needed oxygen, which meant that Kara had to get her out of the water. 

 

            She knew these cliffs well, from the peak at the top where she’d spent hours with Lena, all the way along to the spot where caves burrowed deep into the grey stone, rocks clustering around the base and leading back to shore, and Kara knew that her only hope was to follow the curve of the towering grey wall. Fighting to keep Lena in her clutches, Kara kicked away from the cliff at an angle, letting herself be propelled away, before the waves carried her back towards the cliff. It was almost like rappelling, pushing off and being dragged back to the wall, except she had the dead weight of her unconscious girlfriend, her waterlogged clothes weighing her down, a body stiff from the cold and numbing her to the pain, and Kara was silently sobbing, her bottom lip quivering as she tried to maneuver them along the cliffs.

 

            Going as fast as she could, it was still a few minutes before Kara managed to get them away from the worst of the waves, making it easier for her to drag Lena along with her. The tide was still relentless, but it wasn’t long before she could stand, one hand bracing them both against the familiar rocks that came into sight. She was lurching through the shallows soon enough, dragging Lena along, until the made it onto the wet sand and Kara stumbled, falling to her knees with Lena beneath her. She was almost too afraid to look as she turned her over, squinting through burning eyes and her terrible eyesight. A booming rumble of thunder shook the sky over head as Kara hunched over Lena, brushing soaking wet hair out of her face as raindrops peppered her skin. Her skin was freezing cold and Kara let out a sob as she tried to feel for a pulse, her own hands frozen and clumsy. She couldn’t tell. 

 

            Either way, she knew Lena had been gone too long without air already, and Kara fumbled for her face, prying Lena’s lips apart with sand covered fingers. She’d taken first aid lessons before, and in her confused, shivering state, Kara tried to recall how to correctly perform CPR. Turning Lena on her side, she blindly felt for any water trickling out of her mouth. It was too dark, and Kara choked on a sob as she rolled her back over and felt for Lena’s nose, before her lips sought out Lena’s and she gave four forceful puffs into her lungs and rolled her onto her side again. Swearing as she sobbed, Kara repeated the process, trying to clear her mind as she thought about what to do. Lena needed a hospital, she knew that much, and Kara fished her phone out of her pocket.

 

            With shaky fingers, she called emergency services, grateful for her waterproof case even though it hadn’t been made to withstand being forced down to the seafloor. Her phone was working well enough for her to call for an ambulance though, shouting over the sound of the wind and the rain as she choked on her words, trying not to scream in frustration as the first responder tried to make sense of the situation. With the storm, the signal was bad, and Kara dissolved into tears as she tried to keep pumping oxygen into Lena’s lungs. Silently praying that someone would come, that they could track her or had gleaned enough information from her frantic, broken shouts that they could find her, Kara kept up her relentless CPR, her chest heaving as she cried.

 

            When the paramedics found her, the yellow beams of their torches sweeping across the sand dunes, she let out a small whimper of relief. Reaching for her phone, Kara picked it up with a shaky hand and let her screen light up, feebly waving it to get their attention. She heard their muffled shouts, and she slumped with exhaustion, collapsing to the sand beside Lena, reaching out to press a hand to her chest, feeling the shallow rising of it as water trickled over her toes. Lips trembling, Kara’s eyelids fluttered closed, and she lay down beside Lena, curled up against her side as the sky unleashed torrents of rain, a rush of weariness flooding through every inch of her and darkening her vision. All she could think was that they were going to be okay. She’d found her and they were safe now. 

 

            “We’re going to be okay,” Kara mumbled through numb lips, her hand closing into a fist as she gripped at the front of Lena’s coat, the other woman cold and unmoving beside her.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry I don't even know if this makes sense but I'm super tired and haven't slept properly in like a week so just ignore anything that seems out of place bc I don't even know what I just wrote lmao

            The first thing she became aware of was the sound of the beeping. It was irritating and she turned her head in the direction it was coming from, feeling heavy and tired. Her mind was hazy and she was struggling to remember anything. The only thing clear to her was that the beeping and whirring of the machines, and the humming of the fluorescent lights, were bother her, and the scratchy blankets and thin mattress weren’t hers. Making a quiet sound of annoyance, she tried to move, letting out an even louder sound of annoyance when she realised she couldn’t. She felt weighed down, even though she couldn’t feel her body at all, and she was too relaxed to really put much thought into it. All she could see was a reddish light, with flashing shapes and swirling patterns, and as her mind slowly dragged itself up from unconsciousness, the more she realised that she shouldn’t have been there. Letting out a soft sigh, she hummed with frustration.

 

            A rustling sound caught her attention and despite the heaviness of her eyelids, she opened them, her ears pricking at the sound of someone moving closer to the bed. The sound of shoes squeaking on the tiled floor and the creaking of metal as something was gripped. “Hey, shh, don’t move. You’re okay,” a gentle voice reassured her. In her confusion, she couldn’t quite place the soothing tone, but she knew she knew the voice.

 

            And then it clicked, and she let out a shallow sigh of relief, her breath a faint whisper and her voice a hoarse rasp when she spoke. It would’ve been painful if she could feel anything at all. “Sam.”

 

            “It’s me,” the other woman soothingly replied, a warm hand brushing against her head. Leaden eyelids fluttered closed as the vortex of colours and swirls carried on, and she hummed at the feeling of hot fingers against her forehead. They were almost hot enough to burn, yet it felt nice for some reason. “You gave everyone a scare. Alex is here, and Eliza. They’ll probably be back soon.”

 

            The names dimly registered in her mind, but she paid them little attention as she tried to make sense of everything. They weren’t the names she wanted to hear. There was another name that she grasped at, evading her at the edges of her mind, and it was frustrating, making her frown, her eyebrows drawing together as she tried to remember. 

 

            “Where is she?” she slurred, her croaky voice sounding painful even to her own ears, a hacking cough sounding to her own ears. She felt as if she’d been screaming for hours, and although she couldn’t feel the pain, she knew her throat was parched and scratchy. That was the least of her worries at the present though as she tried to find the name she was looking for. “Kara,” Lena finally said, the name tenderly falling from her lips with a rush of relief, and she seemed to relax as the frustration at not being able to find the name was alleviated, her chest falling as she let out a shallow breath.

 

            Kara.  _ Her _ Kara. She should’ve been there, gently stroking Lena’s hair. Not that Lena wasn’t blissfully content with the presence of her best friend, but Kara should’ve been there. In her disembodied existence, with no sight or ability to move her cumbersome body, the only thing running through Lena’s mind was Kara’s name. It replayed itself like one of her melodies she couldn’t get out of her head.  _ Kara, Kara, Kara.  _ Where was her Kara? Lena had the prickling feeling of uneasiness that something was amiss. She felt like she should’ve known too. Her thoughts were all scattered and muddled, and she tried to break through the foggy confusion that clouded her mind, seeking out answers for her questions.

 

            “She’s okay,” Sam quickly reassured her, her voice tense and wary, “do you- do you remember what happened?”

 

            “No,” Lena sighed, her lips turning down at the corners as she grimaced.

 

            “You were in an accident, sweetheart,” Sam gently said.

 

            It took Lena a few moments to make sense of the words, dragging her eyelids open and closed as she absorbed the information, her heart thudding slowly in her chest. The words sounded right somehow, yet Lena was having trouble piecing her jumbled thoughts together. She wasn’t in her own bed, and she was numb to any pain, and she slowly came to the conclusion that she must’ve been in hospital, with the slow beeping monitors, the sharp antiseptic smell in the air, and the unfamiliar thin mattress beneath her. She was quite proud to put the two pieces together, but there were a lot of other pieces she had yet to figure out. If she’d been in an accident, wouldn’t Kara have been there to make sure she was okay? 

 

_             I want you to go. _

 

            Lena started slightly at the sound of her own voice echoing in her mind, and she frowned. When had that been? Trying to comb back through her memories, she came up empty, but the disturbing thought that something was amiss just kept growing. And then there was Kara’s voice, loud and frantic, and Lena caught snatches of hands shaking her slightly in the freezing cold. It had been raining. They had been outside and she’d been so wet and miserable, and Kara had been angry. Lena suspected that she might’ve been angry too.

 

_             Are you crazy?” _

 

            A small sound of surprise fell from her lips, and Lena’s face crumpled slightly. Had they been arguing? Things were so blurry that she couldn’t be sure what it was about. She must’ve been in hospital because her thoughts were so muddled that the only explanation was painkillers. But even with the hazy uncertainty, she kept digging, sifting through flashes of memories, grasping at them like she was trying to hold the ocean in her hands. Another memory hit of her surrounded by an icy coldness, grasping at nothingness while feeling surrounded by  _ something _ . She’d been in the sea. It was a startling realisation - Lena never went swimming, she wasn’t very good at it - and she sucked in a lungful of air, holding her breath on reflex at the sudden feeling of being underwater. She had felt the weight of the ocean bearing down on her, stealing the breath from her lungs until she was screaming and her mouth was filled with the bitter saltiness of the seawater, and even though she couldn’t see, she had the distinct feeling of darkness. She was sure that if she could’ve seen, darkness would’ve shrouded everything, and in involuntary shiver ran through her, setting off a coughing fit as her body jerked involuntarily.

 

            Whispered voices caught her attention and Lena struggled to focus, a spark of hope welling up inside. “Kara?”

 

            “Oh, she’s awake,” a voice murmured.

 

            Footsteps came closer, and the sound of a pen scribbling on a clipboard joined in the steady sound of beeping, while more voices murmured in the background. Lena felt tired, and she was barely clinging to consciousness, the tranquil effects of the drugs helping her drift in a sea of calm, her mind feeling disconnected from her body. With grim humour, she realised she’d felt this way before. She’d been thirteen then, and she’d woken up to nothing then too, her mind groggy and the swirling vortex of colours where the layout of the room should’ve been. They’d had to restrain her then because she wouldn’t stop thrashing around; they thought she was going to hurt herself, but nothing she could’ve done to herself in the narrow hospital bed would’ve been worse than what the surgeon had done to her with the laser eye surgery. She hadn’t been in hospital since then, and despite the sedation making her feel calm, she couldn’t help but have the same ominous feeling that something was wrong.

 

            “Lena?” a questioning voice interrupted her musings.

 

            “Mm?”

 

            She didn’t recognise the voice, but it rang with authority and she dimly acknowledged the fact that it must be her doctor. The man had a pleasant voice, deep and steady, and she felt her leaden eyes close again, listening to him talk. “Do you know where you are?”

 

            Frowning, Lena let her head roll to one side as she hummed. “Hospital.”

 

            “Very good,” the man, “and what day is it?”

 

            She thought hard for a few moments, before letting out an exasperated sigh, weakly shaking her head. It felt as if she hadn’t moved in an eternity, and her body was so heavy that she would’ve believed that it had turned to stone as she lay in bed. It was a strange feeling, to be so weighed down and disconnected from it at the same time.

 

            “She’s still got a lot of drugs in her system, she’s probably going to be confused for a while,” a woman’s soft voice interrupted, “don’t push her. We’ll give her some time to wake up properly and do a full cognitive test when she’s got her bearings.”

 

            The voice stirred some hidden memory in the back of her mind, but Lena couldn’t place it as she listened to the woman converse with the man in hushed voices. It wasn’t interesting enough to capture Lena’s attention, and she was left to her own thoughts again, floating in the nothingness as she snatched at stray thoughts. One reoccurring thought kept coming back to her, but she couldn’t keep it in her head long enough to voice it, feeling like her mind was a sieve, poked full of holes and letting the thought of Kara escape. Yet Kara’s name echoed through her mind relentlessly, flaring up again as soon as the thought started to die.  _ Kara. _ She liked the sound of her name so much. Lena could write songs about the way her name sounded - in fact, she already had - and she could almost hear it as she lost herself in the sound of it.

 

            “Kara,” she murmured, more to herself than anyone else, having forgotten that there were others in the room with her.

 

            Gentle fingers stroked her hair, and Sam quietly reassured her. “She’s here. You can see her soon.”

 

            “Kara,” Lena feebly laughed, relishing the sound of her name as she drew in a ragged, shallow breath.

 

            “Okay, I’ll get Kara for you,” Sam murmured, her voice laced with concern.

 

            “Thank you,” Lena hummed with content, her mind easing at the thought of Kara coming. She felt a smile flash across her face at the sound of Sam’s surprised laugh, her teeth chattering slightly, and she let out another weak laugh, unsure what was so funny, but unable to stop herself. Her mind seemed to be struggling to keep track of things, a gentle tugging at the edges prompting her to let go. Without even meaning to, Lena succumbed to it, the darkness creeping in and dragging her back into unconsciousness.

 

            The next time she woke, she was groggy still, but she was more aware of her body - specifically, how much she  _ hurt _ . She came to with a quiet groaning, feeling a dull ache everywhere imaginable. It wasn’t enough to truly be painful, but Lena didn’t think she could so much as move an inch as a bone deep weariness seemed to pin her down to the bed. The sound of someone stirring reached her ears, and Lena blinked slowly a few times, feeling hot and itchy as she shifted beneath the heavy blankets. Her throat felt like it was on fire and she let out a tiny gasp, swallowing thickly as her throat bobbed up and down.

 

            “Lena?”

 

            “Kara,” she sighed, “I need to see Kara.”

 

            The voice tickled the back of her mind, and she realised that she should probably know it, but she couldn’t quite place it. It was familiar, but with her muddled thoughts and the somewhat familiar voice without a face, she wasn’t sure who was with her.

 

            “Kara’s not here,” the woman gently explained, “you can see her soon, but I need you to take it slow, okay? It’s Eliza.”

 

            Lena murmured in acceptance, unsure as to who was with her but taking the woman’s name in stride. She felt like she’d heard that voice before, but she wouldn’t know the voice anywhere, not like she would know Kara’s. Lena liked to think that she would know Kara’s anywhere, the sound of it as familiar to her as her own. It felt like she hadn’t heard her voice in a very long time, and the thought troubled Lena as she tried to move, feeling hot and bothered and trapped by the blankets.

 

            “Hot.”

 

            “Shh, it’s okay. You need to keep still or you’ll hurt yourself,” Eliza said, her voice soft and even as she pressed down on Lena’s shoulders, easing her back against the thin pillows and holding her there until she stilled. “Good. That’s good, Lena. Now, can you tell me what happened?”

 

            Making a small sound of frustration, she jerkily moved her head side to side, the prickly feeling of tears beneath her closed eyelids. She felt panicked, her breathing shallow and laboured, her body feeling clammy and feverish, and the gaps in her memory did little to calm her. Choking on a breathless sob, she shook her head a little more forcefully, squirming beneath the blankets.

 

            “No. No. Where’s Kara?” she asked, her voice cracking as it grew louder, her chest heaving with the effort, “what happened? What happened? I have to see her.”

 

            “Okay. Okay,” Eliza slowly hushed her, her hands finding their way back to Lena’s shoulders again, “Kara’s with Alex. I’ll get a nurse to go and find her, but only if you relax, okay? You need to rest. You were in an accident, do you remember? You need to rest.”

 

            She let out a quiet whimper, listening to hushed voices quietly conversing, before the sound of a door clicking she reached her ears. Listening to the soothing voice of Eliza as a nurse checked her vitals and made light hearted comments as she worked, Lena felt anxious as she waited for Kara to come and see her. She knew she wouldn’t rest easy until she heard her voice, because Kara had the knack of making things seem better. No matter how many bad days Lena had, Kara was always there, cleaning out her scraped palms or making her tea, bringing sweaters that smelled like her and a dozen stories, and Lena  _ had _ to hear her voice. From the day they’d met, her voice had captivated her, to the point where Lena would’ve believed that she fell in love with Kara’s voice first. It was the kind of voice that made her feel warm inside, and made her envision kind eyes to match.

 

            Other people came and went, and Lena had a hard time concentrating on anything, letting out a cry of surprise whenever the thought of Kara came flooding back to her, until she was hushed and gently guided back down onto her pillows. Her head felt foggy, and the pressure behind her eyes was a constant dull ache, beating in time with her sluggish heart, and Lena wasn’t sure how much time passed, or who was coming and going. She was having a hard time recalling things or even paying attention, her body wracked with the occasional hacking cough that tore up her throat, until she was breathlessly gasping for air, her heart rate erratically mapped out on the monitor. She wasn’t sure what it was exactly that kept beeping, only that she was aware that it was a machine and that’s what it did, and in her delirious state, that was enough for her. Just like it was enough for her to know she was in hospital, as all other information bled out of her head the moment that it settled in her mind. It didn’t stop her from feebly asking what had happened every few minutes though, her words slurred and disjointed. It was a surprise that anyone could make sense of her jumbled words, with gaping holes in her vocabulary as she forgot words and left them out. 

 

            Lena wasn’t sure if she slept at all during that time, she was only aware of the fact that sometimes she was awake, with the prickling feeling of aching pain cutting through the dregs of her last dose of painkillers, other times, waking to the heavy fog of a new dose, with the disconnected feeling of being removed from her leaden body. Until she was awake again, drifting pleasantly in the haze of the drugs, listening to quiet voices weave in and out of her mind as she occasionally tried to tune in, but gave up when she couldn’t focus and turned her attention to the colour changing patterns behind her eyes and the broken melodies taking form and dispersing before she could pick at it. It was during that time that the door opened, and she didn’t pay it any heed, until a voice she would’ve known anywhere cut through her absentminded thoughts.

 

            “Lena,” Kara tearfully exclaimed. The sound of her voice made Lena’s heart leap, the disruption audible in the erratic beeping on the heart monitor, and it took her a few moments to swallow a sob before she could even reply.

 

            “Kara,” Lena said, her voice cracking as she turned her head, blindly seeking out the direction the voice had come from. 

 

            All at once, she felt limp with relief, a deep yearning in her heart at the sound of her name coming from Kara’s lips. She’d been so full of worry that it had been weighing heavily on her heart, and the rush of relief was almost overwhelming. Yet, there was an undercurrent of sadness, and Lena had the distinct feeling that something was awry. She wasn’t sure what to make of it, but the nagging feeling that something bad had happened kept nagging her - not about her being in hospital, although she was still a bit perturbed, but with her and Kara. Harsh words assaulted her mind and she winced slightly, feeling something trickle down her temples. It wasn’t until nimble fingers were tenderly wiping them away that Lena realised she was crying, even though she wasn’t sure why.

 

            And then Kara let out a strangled sob, dissolving into tears in a way that startled Lena. She had never heard her cry like that, and it made her panic, her listless arms useless as she tried to push herself up or reach out. Never had she wanted to touch Kara so much. It was almost physically painful, although it could’ve just been the drugs wearing off.

 

            “What the hell happened?” Lena asked, her voice thick with tears.

 

            “Y-you fell,” Kara hoarsely told her, gentle fingers stroking her hair, and Lena assumed they belonged to Kara. She tried in vain to reach out for her, craving the warm embrace of her arms and the softness of her lips. Her arms were unresponsive, and she stayed pressed down against the mattress. “W-we were at the cliff and you fell off the edge.”

 

            Her forehead screwing up in confusion, Lena tried to piece things together. There had been the icy cold and the suffocating weight of the sea while her lungs burned, screaming for oxygen while Lena floundered, and somehow Kara’s words made sense. The rush of fear that suddenly gripped her heart made her shiver as she imagined the iciness filling her, making her feel so cold that her body couldn’t even move. The white hot feeling of pain flooded her body, thrust upon her so suddenly that Lena couldn’t even be sure where it came from or what had hurt, only that she had been in so much pain she’d felt like screaming.

 

            “Lena,” Kara’s quiet voice broke through her clouded thoughts, raspy and thick with emotion.

 

            “You were there,” Lena said, the truthfulness of her words dawning on her with surprise. There was no doubt in her mind that Kara had been there with her. The memory of hands grabbing hold of her flooded her mind, and she knew that they were Kara’s. They’d been arguing on the cliff, sheets of rain soaking them to their core. “You were … angry.”

 

            Choking on a laugh, Kara let out a heavy sigh, “I was.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            “I-” Kara hesitated slightly, and Lena’s face crumpled at the uncertainty in her voice. 

 

            “What?”

 

            “You shouldn’t bother her with that now,” a new voice dismissively interrupted, and Lena frowned. It was a voice she knew all too well, and it elicited a small groan from her. “She needs her rest.”

 

            A small, withering sigh escaped Lena, and she let her head loll to one side, judging the distance of the voice from her and opening her eyes to stare in the direction she thought it had come from. “Mom?”

 

            Her eyes ached, feeling heavy and hollow-eyed, and Lena let them fall closed a moment later. It made no difference to her anyway; she just saw the vortex of colours and shapes, instead of the sharp eyes and haughty expression she’d grown up with. Other voices joined in then - too many for Lena to keep track of as she was left to the mellow feeling of drifting in her drugged up state - and then they faded and the door clicked shut.

 

            “Lena? It’s just me now,” Kara said a few moments later, her voice gravelly and uncertain, but full of relief and love.

 

            “Tell me what happened,” Lena murmured, her voice barely above a gentle sigh.

 

            Sniffing, Kara exhaled forcefully, and Lena could almost see her, with sad blue eyes and tear stained cheeks, wiping at them as she gave Lena a concerned look. Her thoughts were so confusing, so befuddled, yet she could imagine it with perfect clarity, and she could see the tension in her shoulders as she hesitated, debating whether or not to give in to Lena’s request.

 

            It was a few minutes of silence, and Lena didn’t think she was going to reply. The steady beating of the monitor and whirring machines was the only thing to disturb the quiet stillness of the hospital room, the sickly smell of bleach making her feel vaguely nauseous, although she couldn’t be sure if that was the drugs in her system or not. She was silent for so long that sleep started tugging at Lena’s mind again, the drowsiness clutching at her and threatening to pull her under, and darkness was starting to creep in on her consciousness, the fuzzy stars and ever-changing colours fading, when Kara’s voice brought her back out of it. Shifting slightly in the bed, Lena blinked slowly, listening to the words take form, each one carefully chosen and falling from her lips in the gentle, soothing way that Lena adored. There was a tenderness to them, but they rang a little hollow, as if Kara was almost scared of them. 

 

            “I’m going to tell you a story,” she said, her voice shaking slightly, “it’s about a girl. Two of them, but it starts with one. This girl … well, she’d lost a lot of things in her life, and she’d found a few things too, and one of the best things she’d ever found, she found on the edge of a cliff one day. A lot of things led her there, all of it crashing down on her at once, and she felt like she’d lost everything and had been so  _ sad _ . One day, she was having the worst day of her life, and then she met a woman on the edge of a cliff, and she thought she was going to jump, and she knew she had to stop her. This girl knew a lot of stories, and she’d heard one once about two girls who weren’t allowed to love each other, and so they jumped off that cliff so they could be together in death. And she couldn’t let it happen to the woman, and she thought she was saving her from herself, but really, that woman was saving her, and neither of them knew it. And they called each other music girl and storyteller and they ended up falling in love. Storyteller didn’t realise it at first. She didn’t know how it felt to be in love, until she memorised a dozen shades of blue so that she could describe how the sea looked that day, or bruised her knuckles and bought her flowers that reminded her of all the colours of Music Girl, or until she listened to the songs that were written about her, and knew what it felt like to be special to someone. It crept up on her, slowly but surely, and she was scared, because she’d never been in love with someone and she was worried about getting her heart broken. But seeing her Music Girl laugh, and her eyes as green as the sea crinkle at the corners, she knew that it didn’t matter, because having her heart broken would be worth it if she got to love her even just for a little while.”

 

            It dimly occurred to Lena’s sluggish mind that Kara was talking about  _ her _ , and them. Music Girl an Storyteller. They’d come up with those nicknames on that first day, walking away from the cliff and the sea, with Kara’s voice coloured with relief and Lena finding some small amount of amusement in the stranger’s comfort in the fact that the woman she didn’t even know wasn’t going to jump. It had been weeks since she’d had any real conversation with someone in person at that point, and Lena had liked the sound of her voice. She’d always thought she had a lovely voice. It was the kind of voice that was impossible  _ not _ to like, and she kept listening to Kara’s story, even as the steady warmth started to waver, as if Kara was about to start crying. Her voice was unusually scratchy and hoarse, as if she’d been screaming for hours, although Lena couldn’t imagine why.

 

            “See this girl … she was like magic. Her eyes were always like the sea on a late summer’s day, and the way her fingers looked as they moved across the piano keys … it was incredible, and she poured all of herself into her music, and into those hands. It was like she was  _ seeing _ the music, and she would listen to the sea and the wind at the edge of that cliff, listening and feeling everything. And she told her Storyteller to write about what she loved, so she wrote about her Music Girl. She wrote about the little crease between her eyebrows, and the way her hair fell in her face and how she hunched her shoulders a little when she played the piano. How sometimes she looked at her with such intensity that it was like she was  _ seeing _ every inch of you, and the little scar beneath her eyebrow and her dimples. About her colourful clothes that made her even more mysterious at the beginning, but ended up making them sad, and about the way they danced on the beach while Music Girl whispered to her about how to find the music in ordinary things, and how Storyteller almost kissed her then. Or their first fight, when Storyteller was scared for the first time that she might lose her. Once she was asked why she wrote, and she said she wrote because nobody listened, but she wanted to make them listen to all the reasons why she loved her, so she carried on writing all about it in secret. Until-” 

 

            She cut off then, letting out a choked sob, drawing in a shuddering breath as she tried to collect herself, and Lena felt her heart twinge slightly. She didn’t like it when Kara was upset. “Until Music Girl f-found out and was upset. They fought and it was- it was stormy, but they ended up back at that cliff, and Music Girl … she fell off the edge, and Storyteller jumped off after her. You see, out of all the things she’d lost, she couldn’t bear the thought of losing  _ h-her _ , so she jumped in and it was so  _ cold _ , and she thought … she thought she was too late, and she thought she was going to lose her, but she searched until sh-she  _ found _ her.” 

 

            By this point, she was freely crying, and Lena could feel her own eyes swimming with tears, but nothing she was hearing made any sense to her. Warm hands cupped her cheek, and Lena stirred as she mumbled something incoherent, not even sure what she had been trying to say, only that she craved that touch more than anything, nuzzling her cheek in Kara’s hand. The gentle feeling of a thumb trailing over her cheekbone made her softly sigh, the orange behind her eyes darkening to red and then to green as swirling dust motes made her head feel fuzzy, like she was watching the static of a TV. 

 

            “I’m sorry,” Kara said, her voice cracking as her breathing hitched, a broken sob falling from her lips. “I’m  _ so _ sorry, Lena.”

 

            “What happened?” Lena breathlessly asked, a spasm of pain crossing her face as she tried to untangle the flashes of sounds and feelings that crowded her mind, some of them slipping out of reach the moment she tried to latch onto it. “We were … where? What- I don’t know- it  _ hurts _ . Kara, it hurts.”

 

            She ground her teeth together, stiffly shaking her head as she took stock of her body, her arms and legs weighed down, her chest aching and her throat sore. A feeble cough wracked her body and she jerked slightly in the bed, unable to sit upright to make it easier for herself. Nervous hands fluttered around her as the dizzying black spots faded back to deep blue, and Lena felt hold and cold at the same time. The hot was a burning fire that seemed to sear her skin, and she could almost envision the scratchy hospital blankets going up in flames just from the contact, but the cold was something else, and it felt like the chill had burrowed deep into the very core of her bones, making her feel like she’d never be warm again, no matter how hot her skin was. She felt uncomfortable and restless, writing around with her 

 

            “Shh,” Kara gently soothed her, stilling her by the simple sound of her voice, and Lena’s shallow breathing was ragged and on the verge of panicked as she calmed down. A sob got caught in her throat and she opened her heavy eyelids to look to Kara, listening to her murmur quiet reassurances as she held onto Lena’s hand, squeezing it tight enough for her to feel. “I know it hurts. I know, baby, but you’re okay.”

 

            “Kara,” Lena sobbed, almost as if she was realising she was there for the first time. How long  _ had _ she been there for? Lena couldn’t be quite sure. It felt like she’d been in that bed for an eternity, a stiffness creeping into her joints as she aged in the ill-fitting hospital gown, wasting away as she drifted in and out of consciousness. “What happened?”

 

            A forceful exhale reached her ears, and she looked expectantly towards the sound of it, waiting for an explanation. With quiet resolve, Kara squeezed her hand again. “You’re okay. You’re safe now. I’m here.”

 

            “You’re here,” Lena mumbled, a tiny sound of awe in her voice as she felt hot tears well up in her eyes. A few moments later and the flood of something entering her bloodstream took the edge off the dull ache starting to permeate her body, and she felt herself relax, sinking into the thin mattress with relief. “I thought I’d lost you.”

 

            “I’m not going anywhere.”


	33. Chapter 33

            She came back to consciousness while she was in the back of an ambulance, strapped to a spine board and buckled onto the bench for passengers to ride in the back. Her lungs ached as she sucked in a shallow breath, the sound of beeping, wailing sirens and heavy rain battering metal as she was gently jostled by the speed at which they were flying down the roads. Her vision was blurred and everything was white and bright, making her squint with pain. Kara felt panic take hold of her immediately, and she tried to move, encumbered by the thick straps wrapping around her chest. Crying out, trying to reach for the thing covering her mouth and nose, Kara strained against her restraints.

 

            “Don’t move,” a deep voice cautioned her, a hand warm against her collarbone as she was gently forced back against the spine board. 

 

            She was aware of the fact that she was shivering, wrapped with blankets while her wet clothes clung to her skin. She felt blue all over, and frozen to her core. It wasn’t enough to distract her mind from Lena. There was nothing in the world that would have turned her thoughts aside as her breathing increased, the steady squeezing of the manual bag ceasing as the paramedic tried to quell her fears. Kara could feel her fear growing, her scratchy throat burning as she breathlessly sobbed.

 

            “I need you to keep still for me. You’re on your way to the hospital.”

 

            “Lena,” she mumbled, her voice coming out deep and hollow as it was distorted by the oxygen mask.

 

            “Lena? Lena’s right here. We’re taking good care of her,” he soothingly reassured her.

 

            Letting out a sigh of relief, she relaxed against her restraints, involuntary shivers wracking her numb body as her lips trembled beneath the mask. As exhausted as she was, she found herself clinging to consciousness again, unwilling to slip back into darkness until she was sure that Lena was okay. Each thump of her heart in her ears felt far apart, like it was taking an eternity for them to reach the hospital, but eventually she felt a rush of freezing cold air rush into the back of the ambulance as the doors were thrown open. Loud voices were shouting over the sound of the rain, and Kara was dimly aware of movement in the back of the ambulance, and minutes later, she was being lifted out of the back and people were crowding around her. 

 

            The smell of antiseptic, stale air and something that was distinctly death and Kara blinked slowly as she stared up at the white fluorescent lights overhead, the feeling of safety washing over her. They’d be okay now. And then she heard more voices as doctors were crowding her, placing her on a gurney and pushing her through the white halls. The exclamation of surprise that came from one of them cut through Kara’s sluggish mind.

 

            “Shit. This is Danvers’ daughter,” a doctor said with surprise, “someone find Doctor Danvers.  _ Now.” _

 

            A sigh of relief slipped from Kara’s lips, her head lolling as she blinked slowly, darkness encroaching despite her best efforts. Eliza was there somewhere, and she would look after Kara, just like she had for years. And she’d look after Lena too. The doctors would look after Lena, and she’d be fine. She couldn’t lose her after everything she’d gone through to find her again. 

 

            The sound of a panicked voice cut through her repetitive reassuring thoughts, trying to convince herself that they were okay as she staved off the blacknesses creeping in and inching her eyes closed, jolting her back to alertness with a start. The love and concern in Eliza’s voice made tears prick at her eyes, and a blur of blondeness and pale skin loomed above her as gentle hands touched her face and hair and shoulders. Letting out a shuddering sob, Kara felt the knot of worry in her stomach unravel itself slightly. Eliza was here.

 

            “Eliza,” Kara said, her voice barely intelligible as she cried, her throat raw and aching as she spoke.

 

            “Oh God, Kara, what happened?” Eliza breathlessly asked, sounding on the verge of tears, which was startling to her. Kara could only recall a handful of times that her adoptive mother had ever been in such a state, and it was a little unnerving. “You’re going to be okay, sweetie. I’m going to look after you.”

 

            Letting out a pitiful whimper, Kara felt hot tears on her cheeks as she feebly shook her head. “Lena-”

 

            “Lena?”

 

            One of the other doctors filled her in on the fact that there had been two of them in the same ambulance, and then they wouldn’t Eliza go any further with her, although she fought them on it, and Kara knew that if Eliza wasn’t allowed to work on her, she’d go to Lena. She would do that out of love for Kara and her fondness of Lena. As she was swept away from Eliza, the darkness crept back in and started tugging at her mind again, and Kara let it take her that time, falling into oblivion with weary relief.

 

\---

 

            When she woke back up, it was to brightness, but not the brightness of harsh fluorescent lights, but the weak sunlight of a mid February day. She winced, keeping her eyes squeezed shut as they watered, and a small groan fell from her lips as she tried to shake off the hazy feeling of drugs.

 

            The sound of a chair creaking and quick footsteps squeaking on the linoleum flooring reached her ears, and Kara’s eyes fluttered open again, finding everything blurry as she tried to squint through it. The smudged outline of someone grew closer, and she could see dark hair but not much else. “Lena?”

 

            “Oh thank  _ God _ you’re awake,” Alex’s relieved voice reached her.

 

            Blinking in surprise, Kara’s eyebrows rose with mild bewilderment at her sister’s appearance. She should’ve been in National City, at work, not sitting in the hospital room with Kara. As quickly as she’d appeared, Alex was gone, and then she was back again, while a mint green smudge bustled into the room. Still trying to bring herself out of the fogginess of her mind, Kara let the nurse check her vitals, her warm voice gently keeping up a stream of conversation as she checked her blood pressure and scribbled things on her chart, before she left again. Alex was at her bedside and her warm fingers brushed Kara’s cheeks as a pair of glasses were slid onto her face, bringing everything into focus.

 

            With a sigh of relief, Kara looked up at her sister’s pale face, taking in the dark circles beneath her eyes and the concern etched into the plains of her features. “What’re you doing here?” Kara asked, her voice a tired sigh.

 

            “What am I-” Alex spluttered, a hysterical laugh bubbling up, “I’m here to see  _ you _ , you idiot! What the hell happened? God, I’m going to kill you when you get out of here. I don’t know what happened, but whatever it is, I just  _ know _ you’re an idiot. You  _ and _ Lena. Why you were both out in that storm, I don’t know, but you’re both lucky you’re alive.”

 

            “She’s alive?” Kara breathlessly asked, her raspy voice making her wince as it irritated her sore throat. She felt like she’d swallowed half of the ocean. And then a sob welled up, and she couldn’t hold it back as she felt relief wash over her, tears stinging her raw eyes as she was wracked with sobs. “She’s alive. She’s okay? Where is she?”

 

            Gently hushing her, Alex perched on the edge of the bed and tenderly stroked Kara’s hair. “Shh, it’s okay. She’s with Sam. She hasn’t woken up yet, but she’s- she’s alive.”

 

            Kara’s crying only intensified, and she couldn’t even manage to make her thoughts take the form of words as it crossed her mind that alive wasn’t the same as okay. Even with the muggy confusion of the lingering drugs in her system, Kara knew that Lena had been bad. She’d been a lot more worse off than Kara had been, and she wasn’t sure how long she’d been underwater, only that it was long enough for her to  _ not _ be entirely okay. Then again, Kara wasn’t sure what state  _ she _ was in yet, although she could feel her body, which was some relief. 

 

            She listened to Alex quietly soothe her, still stroking her hair while she tried to quieten Kara’s sobs, reeling from the news that Lena was alive. She’d dragged her out of the sea, freezing cold, lungs filled with water and unconscious, but she was  _ alive. _ If she’d had any room amongst all the emotions crowding her, she might’ve laughed. As it was, she just cried and cried, until her gritty, raw eyes hurt even more, and her breathing became laboured from her shallow breaths. It took her a long while to calm down, during which the nurse that had taken her vitals had gone and found Eliza.

 

            At the sound of the door opening, Kara drew in a shuddering breath and turned to look, taking in her adoptive mother’s dishevelled blonde hair, tired eyes and kind smile as she slowly stepped inside. She was still wearing the shirt and pants that Kara had seen her wearing when they’d left the house the morning she’d gone to National City. It struck her that she didn’t know how long ago that had been. Clearly not too long - Eliza wouldn’t look in that state, still wearing those clothes, if it had been a year - but Kara would’ve believed it had been a year from the way her body felt.

 

            “Kara,” Eliza said, exhaling softly as she moved faster, drawn towards her daughter’s bedside. Eyes roamed over her body hidden beneath the blankets, before resting on her face, and Eliza’s expression softened slightly. “How do you feel, honey?”

 

            Squeezing her eyes shut, Kara shook her head, feeling a little confused and tired, too overwhelmed with all of her emotions. Letting out a sympathetic tut, Eliza gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, her blue eyes swimming with fear and concern. She’d been worried. Of  _ course  _ she’d been worried, and it made Kara feel guilty to think about what she’d put her family through.

 

            “Eliza?” Kara asked, put to ease by the calming presence of the woman, who looked exhausted and older than Kara remembered. “Is she okay?”

 

            Eliza gave her a small smile, cupping her cheek and tenderly stroking her cheekbone. “I don’t know yet, sweetheart. You were both in pretty bad shape. What happened? You were trying to save her, weren’t you?”

 

            Opening her mouth to answer, Kara burst into tears again before she could even make a sound. Weakly nodded her head, she let out a shuddering breath, slowly moving one heavy arm as she tried to wipe at her wet cheeks. Eliza hushed her, stroking her hair and quietly reassuring her that everything was okay. 

 

            “Of  _ course _ you had to be the brave hero,” Alex sighed, a slight smile softening her worried features. 

 

            But Kara couldn’t help but think that Alex had it all wrong; she hadn’t tried to be heroic out of her bravery, she’d been heroic out of her fear, and there was a part of her that thought that maybe all people who were heroic were so out of fear. Fear for themselves or fear for other people. Kara had been scared she would lose Lena, and that had been enough for her to risk dashing herself to pieces against the rocks below. It was by chance that she had survived.

 

            “Sh-she fell,” Kara said, her breathing hitching as she tried to suppress a sob, “th-there was thunder and it- it scared her. She fell.”

 

_             “Fell?”  _ Alex echoed, her voice sounding hollow with fear, “fell from where?”

 

            Drawing in a shuddering breath, Kara closed her eyes, feeling fresh tears leak out of the corner of her eyes. “Th-the cliff-”

 

            “The  _ cliff?!” _ Alex exclaimed, and Kara could hear the anger in her voice as she came to the conclusion that Kara had jumped off it after her. It wouldn’t take a genius to figure out how they’d both ended up in that state. “You-”

 

            Eliza cut her daughter’s harsh words off with a what Kara imagined to be a sharp look, and she opened her eyes a moment later to find Alex brimming with anger, the muscles in her jaw twitching as she crossed her arms over her chest. Kara wasn’t too worried - she knew that she was only angry because she’d been frightened - but she didn’t even feel guilty for her actions. She felt a little bit sheepish for having worried her family, but there was no part of her that would ever regret jumping off the cliff. Although, she was yet to find out what the consequences of her actions had been, and was aware of a dull ache spreading through every inch of her as the drugs wore off.

 

            At Eliza’s suggestion, Alex left to go and get some fresh air and stretch her legs, and she did so somewhat begrudgingly, giving Kara’s hand a quick squeeze before storming out of the room. Some of the tension that had been surrounding her left, and Kara let out a withering sigh, feeling the scratchy feeling in her throat and falling into a coughing fit. Helping her sit upright, Eliza fluffed up the pillows and then sat on the edge of the bed, covering one of Kara’s hands with her own. It was warm and so delicate as she picked her hand up, careful of the wires snaking up from the cannula stuck into one of the green veins, stark against the paleness of her skin. 

 

            With a grim smile, Eliza hesitated slightly, before she gently started to explain. “They pumped your lungs for you - you were almost drowning on dry land - and they put you on a round of antibiotics to try and stop you from catching pneumonia, but you might have a bit of a nasty cold for a while. You’ve got some stress fractures in your feet and shins - I didn’t know where they came from, but I guess falling that far makes sense - but you didn’t need casts. You’re all bandaged up and you should keep your feel up for a little while, but they’ll be fine in a few weeks. Your head took a nasty beating too, but you’re alert, which is good, and aside from a bit of a headache and some bad bruises, it’s nothing to worry about. The best thing for you is rest and some fluids and you’ll be fine.”

 

            “And what about Lena?” Kara rasped, feeling comforted at the fact that she was relatively okay, but not enough to stifle her worry about Lena. She didn’t think she’d be okay until she saw her with her own two eyes. Knowing she was alive was a comfort, but until she was awake, and got to see her, Kara wouldn’t rest easy. It didn’t matter what Lena’s feelings towards her were like - she could tell Kara to leave the second she walked in the room - just as long as she was Lena.

 

            A flicker of regret crossed Eliza’s face, and she gave Kara a pained look. “I’m sorry, honey, but I can’t talk to you about her. Her mom’s here, and as her doctor, I can’t tell anyone else what’s wrong with her without her consent. Sam was with Alex when I called so she’s here too … I’ll see what I can do but ... I’m sorry, sweetie.”

 

            Nodding, Kara blinked back tears, “it’s okay. Thank you, Eliza. Thank you for saving her.”

 

            She felt exhausted, and her emotions were all over the place, making her feel even more drained, and as a wave of fatigue washed over her, highlighting her aching muscles and bones, Kara needed to sleep. There was one more thought nagging her though, and before Eliza could get her more pain medication, Kara reached out with one thin hand, taking in the raw scrapes on her fingertips, where she’s clawed at the rocks and tore open her skin.

 

            “How long has it-”

 

            “About sixteen hours since you were brought in,” Eliza quickly assured her, “not too long. She hasn’t woken up, but that’s … it’s not unusual. You both need your rest.”

 

            Letting out a pent up breath, Kara relaxed against the pillow, nodding as she caved in to Eliza’s orders. She felt the featherlight touch of lips pressing against her forehead, making her feel warm and safe, before her glasses were carefully removed for her and Eliza tenderly stroked her hair. The feeling of drugs slithering through her system elicited a soft sigh as it took the edge off her discomfort, and the last thing Kara remembered was the feeling of warm hands wrapping her cold one in their own as Eliza stayed with her.

 

\---

 

            She was alone the next time she woke, the pitch black of night seeming cold and ominous, and Kara blindly reached out for the nightstand she’d dimly been aware of when she’d last woken. Fumbling with a heavy hand, trying not to tangle the wires or pull out any leads, her hand landed on a flimsy pair of plastic glasses, and she shoved them on, the halo of lights from the monitor coming into sharp focus. A clock on the nightstand let her know that it was a little past midnight - over a whole day since she’d jumped into the sea after Lena. It felt like it had been days. It felt like it had been an eternity since she’d seen her.

 

            Visiting hours had long since finished, and she knew Eliza would’ve kicked Alex out to get some rest and let Kara rest too, and with the knowledge that she was all alone, Kara started to cry. She was hurting, but the worst pain was in her heart. She missed Lena. She was miserable beneath the relief that she was alive, because she didn’t know what state Lena was in and she just wanted to see her. The thought that she could get out of bed and try and find her crossed Kara’s mind, but she knew it was a stupid idea, and right before she could even consider it any further, the door was opened a crack and a beam of yellow light cut a path across the room, falling on her face.

 

            Clumsily wiping at her salt stained cheeks, Kara shifted upright slightly in the bed, feeling heavy and uncoordinated as the room started to spin, making black spots dance across her eyes, she watched as a nurse came in. The light was switched on, and Kara squinted at the harshness of it, sending stabbing pains into her head, and she settled back against the pillows, murmuring a hello to the young guy. He was careful as he checked her vitals and administered her pain medication, immediately relieving her of the aching stiffness in her limbs, and she made quiet conversation with him, her voice low and scratchy, until he left her alone to give into the drowsiness creeping in.

 

            She slept until morning after that, waking up to the brightness of natural sunlight - albeit a bit weak from the aftermath of the storm - and she was feeling a bit more stable. Her throat was still raw, and her whole body was exhausted, but her mind was less foggy and she wasn’t too uncomfortable without the strong dose of painkillers to take the edge off of her pain. The only thing wrong with her was the beginnings of a cold, and that was even more irritating than any of her other discomforts. When rounds started, Eliza slipped in, finding her propped up against the thin pillows with a grumpy look on her face and a smattering of crumpled tissues in her lap. She stayed with Kara through breakfast, which consisted of cold toast, rubbery scrambled eggs and an orange. The taste aside, it hurt Kara’s throat, and she settled for a cup of crushed ice and lukewarm tea, listening to Eliza fill her in on what she’d missed.

 

            As soon as visiting hours started, there was a knock on the door and Alex poked her head in, a smile gracing her face before she opened the door wider. Sam walked in behind her, a hesitant smile on her face, and Eliza nodded, climbing to her feet and leaving with the promise of returning later. Kara was filled with hope at the sight of Sam, knowing that she would tell her how Lena was. It was what she’d been waiting for all morning, and she was restless with impatience and her confinement to bed.

 

            “Sam!”

 

            “Uh, yeah, good morning to you too,” Alex grumbled, crossing over to the bed and sitting down on it, picking up the orange and rolling it between her hands.

 

            “Good morning,” Kara briskly greeted her, “how’s Lena?”

 

            The look between Alex and Sam made her heart leap into her throat, and the icy feeling of fear slid down into her belly, making her feel cold. She was about to object to the idea, or cry out - she wasn’t sure what her reaction would be, only that she was trembling - but the moment her mouth opened, Sam replied. “She woke up.”

 

            A jolt of surprise ran through Kara, and she let out a small exclamation, her fear washed away as she went limp with the knowledge that Lena had woken up. Furiously blinking back tears, Kara scrambled to throw back the blankets, moving quicker than her body could handle. As she grit her teeth together, letting out a hiss of pain, swinging one bandaged leg over the side of the bed, Alex’s hand on her knee stopped her, and Kara looked up to find her sister giving her a pitying look. Sam’s was full of regret. 

 

            “Her mother is with her now. She- there’s no visitors allowed,” Sam explained, giving her an apologetic look at having to be the bearer of bad news. “I was there with her when she woke up, but Lillian said- well … her mom is adamant that she get her rest. No one except the doctors, unless she says so.”

 

            “Wha- no,” Kara said, a feeling of panic welling up inside, “no, no, I  _ have _ to see her. She can’t- I  _ saved _ her. She can’t keep me from her.” Her voice rose as a burning anger was ignited within her, her pallid skin flushing red as she managed to swing the other leg over the side of the bed and slither off it.

 

            Alex and Sam were both talking over each other, trying to herd her back onto the mattress, while Kara breathlessly argued, leaning heavily on the IV pole as her knees shook. She felt like her legs were about to give out from underneath her. Her stubborn streak held her upright, a desperation in her voice as she argued with Alex, who took hold of her by the shoulders, holding her gingerly as if she was afraid that her sister would break if handled too roughly.

 

            “Kara! Listen to me,” Alex exasperatedly shouted over Kara’s distressed fighting. “She’s already asleep again! She wasn’t awake for long. She’s- she’s confused and tired and probably in a lot of pain - like you. They gave her more drugs and mom was there and you can see her soon, okay? She was asking for you-”

 

            “She asked for me?” Kara quickly interrupted, her voice breaking as she looked at her sister with frantic, sunken blue eyes.

 

            “Yes,” Sam calmly reassured her, “Lillian can only control her while she can’t make her own decisions, but she woke up and as soon as she asks for you again, I’ll come and get you. I  _ promise _ .”

 

            Letting out shuddering breath, Kara felt the fight rush out of her. They were both right; she couldn’t fight Lillian. Her feet were already sore and she wasn’t sure if she could even cross the small room on her shaky legs, let alone wander through the hospital in the thin, ill-fitting gown that she was already starting to shiver in. Sniffing, she rubbed at her teary eyes, feeling the heavy weight of too many emotions, and let Alex help her back onto the bed and tuck her in. The three of them were quiet as Alex peeled the orange, filling the room with the tart citrus smell, offering it up to Kara and Sam, before eating it herself. At some point, the TV was turned on, and they watched reruns of  _ I Love Lucy _ until lunchtime. 

 

            Once they were kicked out at the end of visiting hours, Kara was left alone again, brooding sullenly in her bed as she waited for them to come back. Alex promised to bring her some pyjamas and books and Kara begged for some decent food too, thinking about what her options for lunch were going to be. It was peas, a scoop of mashed potato and a watery casserole. Kara played with the peas and poked at the tub of red jello on the plastic tray. It was boring, being in hospital, and she spent all of her time worrying about Lena or waiting for someone to come into her room. There were nurses, checking her vitals or seeing if she needed more painkillers - she refused twice, but gratefully accepted it on the third time when her whole body was throbbing with a dull ache - and Eliza poked her head in twice on her way to and from the lab, being regretfully tight-lipped about Lena’s condition. 

 

            By the time Alex returned, carrying a stuffed bag of Kara’s belongings, she was about to climb out of bed and start pacing the room just to have something else to do. With clean pyjamas and her toiletries, she was helped into the small bathroom and indulged herself in a long shower, washing away the smell of brine and salt that clung to her hair and skin. The sight of her naked skin was shocking, and Kara took stock of her injuries with wide eyes, feeling luckier than she looked.

 

            Her skin was pale and mottled black and blue with bruises covering every inch of her. Shallow grazes covered her hands and feet, with torn fingernails and ever deeper slices on her fingertips and toes from desperately clinging to the rock. When she brushed her teeth in the little porcelain sink, she caught sight of herself in the mirror and paused a moment, looking at the hollow eyes set deep in her pinched face. She looked sickly and pale, a piece of gauze taped across a cut on her forehead, and later on, while she was washing her hair with a comforting coconut shampoo, her probing fingers found tender bumps, bruises and cuts, and Kara was filled with bitter resignation to the fact that she’d brought it on herself and refused to complain about the consequences her actions. As far as she was concerned, they were trifling injuries in payment for pulling Lena from the sea. It would be even more worth it when she got to see her.

 

            After Alex had dried her hair, and she was re-bandaged and tucked back into bed, Kara gave her an expectant look, opening the container of soup that had been chilling while she showered. She felt remarkably better after washing the stiff salty remnants of the sea from her skin. A strawberry milkshake was sitting in a ring of water on nightstand, and she spooned shaky mouthfuls of chicken soup into her mouth, feeling a rush of gratitude towards her sister, who was busy arranging a blanket over Kara’s legs, a few paperback classics already crowding the nightstand, along with Kara’s laptop, which Alex had brought in case she felt like working on her novel. Kara winced internally at the thought, but thanked her sister all the same, giving her a strained smile as she watched Alex putter around the room. A bouquet of yellow sunflowers brightened up the place, brought in by Sam that morning, and Kara assumed it was equal parts a thank you and get well soon bouquet. 

 

            She had been hoping Sam would’ve come with Alex this time, and give her an update on Lena, but as the hour grew later, and the weak sunlight outside started to darken, Kara started to lose hope that she would be allowed to see Lena that day. There had been no summons to suggest that she’d woken up again, and Kara swallowed the bitter feeling of anger towards Lillian as she distractedly let Alex beat her at snap five games in a row, while Eliza fussed over her. They left that evening, when visiting hours were over and the hospital fell quiet, and only then, with a fresh dose of pain medication and antibiotics to see her through the night, did Kara cry. There was something lonely about being in a cold hospital room, alone and on painkillers, and it felt like there was a gaping hole in her chest, filled with nothing but the aching feeling of missing Lena.

 

\---

 

            The next day she patiently waited for Lena to ask to see her, and was even prompted to take a walk around the ward she was on to get her back on her feet before her injuries made her all stiff and tight. She was starting to get antsy. Flipping through  _ A Clockwork Orange _ Kara found herself unable to focus on the words, yet she kept up the pretense of reading while she crunched ice chips to soothe her throat and drank tea to combat the chesty cough and cold that had taken hold during the night. The antibiotics took care of the worst of it, but the water in her lungs had taken its toll on her body, and there was the nagging feeling that kept bothering her; what state was Lena in?

 

            When Alex came in later on that morning, giving her a warm smile of reassurance as she handed over a caramel latte and wrinkled her nose at the bowl of lump oats on Kara’s tray, Kara pried answers out of her with a desperation that made her sister pity her. Alex never said it, but Kara could see it in her eyes. It was a horrible position to be in, and Kara wouldn’t wish it upon anyone to be stuck in the dark about the condition of the person they loved.

 

            “Alex? Is she okay?” Kara quietly asked, her blonde hair pulled back out of her face, making her look even younger as she wore an oversized college sweater and no glasses. She had to squint to see properly, but she had a banging headache and the arms of the glasses hurt her tender temples.

 

            “She woke up again. She’s been in and out of it throughout the night and all morning, apparently,” her sister sheepishly admitted, “we tried but … I’m sorry. Her mom-”

 

            Reaching out, Kara gave her sister’s hand a gentle squeeze, giving her a grim smile, “I know. It’s okay. But … how bad is she?”

 

            Shrugging slightly, Alex sighed. “She’s still a bit confused. She just kept asking for you. Got herself worked up into a bit of a state like you did too, but she hasn’t moved much. They said …”

 

            “What?”

 

            “No one knows how long she was underwater for, Kara,” Alex gently said, a sorrowful look in her brown eyes, “they’re not sure how much damage- oxygen deprivation, you know? Her memory … she knows some people, and I know she can’t see so it’s harder, but she keeps saying she can’t remember. Mom said-” she swallowed thickly, “mom said that she might have some … problems.”

 

            Her mouth felt dry and Kara had a hard time making her voice work, her tongue feeling thick in her mouth. “What kind?” she hoarsely asked.

 

            “Depending on how long she was without oxygen, and where it might have affected her brain … she might have trouble with remembering some words, or- or facts. Maybe some trouble moving; she hasn’t moved much yet. Her personality might change. There’s … her mental health. They already thought that maybe she- well, we know she fell now. There’s also something- ah, well, um, they think pneumonia might’ve set in. She was  _ so cold _ \- you  _ both _ were - and you’re lucky that you don’t have it, but with the strain on her lungs and the cold … it’s set in. They think that might be a good thing though. Mom told Sam that she was so cold that they thought hypothermia was going to set in, which meant her body was … well, it was starting to shut down. She didn’t need as much oxygen. She might be okay because of that. It … it might not be permanent. Whatever happens, if she has anything, it might not be permanent. She never went into a coma, so ... that's a good sign. She's awake and she knows who you are.”

 

            Kara could hear the blood rushing in her ears as her pulse sped up, the frightening reality of what might’ve gone wrong weighing heavily on her. She had saved her life, but she might not have saved the Lena that had fallen off the edge of the cliff. If any of what Alex said came to fruition, Kara wasn’t sure who she would be getting back. Lena might not even remember their fight. What then? Kara couldn’t lie to her just so she wouldn’t lose her, but she couldn’t bear the thought of adding onto the fragile condition she was in just to ease her guilty conscience. She just needed to see her.

 

            “When can I- can you ask Lillian again? Please. I just need to see her,” Kara asked, the burning feeling in her eyes signalling the arrival of tears.

 

            Alex nodded, her expression softening. She left not long after that, with visiting hours over once more, and Kara was left to muddle her way through her book again, the news playing in the background and the remnants of her breakfast going cold. It had been three days now, and it felt like the longest three days of her life. She had always taken for granted how fast time seemed to slip by when she was with Lena, spending days walking along the beach and nights listening to her play piano until there were so many that they all blurred together, that three days without her felt excruciatingly long.

 

            She expected Alex or Eliza to be her next guests, but when visiting hours started again, she was surprised to see someone else entirely walk into her room, a wary expression on her face. Lillian looked as tired as any of the other visitors she’d had, and Kara was surprised at the notion of her keeping vigil at Lena’s bedside with Sam. She hadn’t taken Lillian for the most caring mother. Still, she looked polished and put together with her expensive clothes and pristine appearance.

 

            “May I come in?” she curtly asked, pushing the door open wider to invite herself in without Kara’s agreement.

 

            “How is she?” Kara asked, clearing her throat as her voice came out gravelly. 

 

            Lillian hesitated slightly, shutting the door behind her and giving Kara a sceptical look, taking in the dark circles beneath her eyes and the grazes and bruises. She knew she looked a mess, and she knew that Lillian didn’t particularly like her, but her appearance must’ve made her look so pathetic that the other woman was less frosty than she had been last time they’d met.

 

            “She’s … alive. Thanks to you.”

 

            Nodding, Kara looked down at her scabbed hands, running her thumbs over the cuts on her fingertips as she tried to find something to say. Coming up empty handed, she couldn’t find anything of worth to say to the woman she didn’t even know. Kara could’ve let her temper get the better of her and blamed her, but she was tired,  _ so _ tired, and she didn’t have the energy to lay the blame elsewhere. In many ways, it was her fault too. Arguing with Lillian wouldn’t ease her guilt. Before she could snatch at any stray comment, Lillian moved closer with purpose.

 

            “Here,” Lillian brusquely said, producing a thin rectangular piece of paper and setting it down on the nightstand. It was another cheque and Kara couldn’t help scoff, offended at the idea of Lillian still thinking she could be bought.

 

            “I don’t want your money,” Kara weakly laughed, a feeble cough working its way up her throat. 

 

            She was wracked with a round of hacking coughs, and Lillian nervously fluttered about, finding the plastic jug of water and filling up a cup, handing it over to Kara without much ceremony and retreating back to a safe distance. Murmuring her thanks, Kara took a sip, gripping the cup with two hands to stop it from shaking and spilling. Sharp eyes gave her a scrutinising look, lips pursed and a brooding look on the elegantly aged face.

 

            “Whatever you may think of me, I love my daughter. Everything I have ever done has been to protect her. Even from herself.”

 

            Kara felt herself flush with anger. “She didn’t  _ need _ you to protect her; she needed you to be her mom. She just wanted someone to love her for  _ her.  _ Every bad thing that has happened to her has been because of  _ you.” _

 

            Looking appropriately ashamed, the muscles in Lillian’s jaw twitched and she gave Kara a haughty look, although her eyes were swimming with regret. “That may be so, but I still did them because I thought I was doing what was best for her. Whatever you believe, I thought that you  _ were _ using her. It took my personal investigator all but a minute to find out you were the reporter who wrote a bad article about my company. Can you honestly fault a mother for trying to protect the only child she has left? Is it so hard to believe that I want what’s best for her, and I didn’t think that was a reporter with notes on my daughter’s personal life? I’m a proud woman, Miss Danvers, but I’m not above admitting my mistakes. In this case, clearly I was wrong. No one would risk their life for someone they didn’t care deeply for. You saved my daughter’s life, and I owe you for that. The money is for your hospital bills.”

 

            Bottom lip trembling slightly, Kara gave her a pleading look. “I don’t want your money; I just want to see her.”

 

            Hesitating for a moment, Lillian gave her a curt nod, and Kara let out a breathless sob, a feeling of gratitude rushing through her. “Next time she wakes up.”

 

            Turning around, Lillian walked over to the door, pulling it open and pausing for a moment, before she looked back over her shoulder. Giving her a curious look, Lillian lingered a few moments longer. “You really  _ do  _ love her, don’t you?”

 

            “Yes,” Kara laughed, a strangled sound of surprise at the question. 

 

            She loved Lena more than her own life, quite literally, and she had proven it. Whatever reservations Lillian had about her, they were slowly fading, because even she knew that if Kara didn’t love her daughter, beyond a shadow of a doubt, she would never have jumped in after her. She’d seen her own reflection and she knew the state she was in. Few people would do what she’d done, no matter how much they loved someone. It had been idiotic, and suicide, but the small chance of saving her in the raging storm had propelled her forward, and Kara knew she’d always make that decision, no matter what the odds were.

 

            Nodding again, Lillian swept out into the hallway and closed the door behind her, and Kara couldn’t help but feel like that was the end of that. For some inexplicable reason, she believed that Lillian was telling the truth. She’d gone about her concerns in all the wrong ways, not understanding that Kara couldn’t be bought, but she had made it clear the other day that it had been about Lena’s safety. It was true that neither of them would be in the conditions they were if it hadn’t been for Lillian, and Kara knew that the other woman was probably riddled with guilt - she had barely looked at Kara, and she’d tried to pay her off again to ease her conscience - but she’d come for her daughter anyway. Kara would never like her, for more than one reason, but she trusted that Lillian didn’t bear her daughter any ill will. The damage was already done though, and Kara settled into an impatient waiting game, hoping that Lena would wake up soon so that she could see her.

 

\---

 

            It was late, on the third evening since the accident, when they came and got her, carefully helping her into a wheelchair and pushing her down the hallway, one wobbly wheel squeaking as it rolled. They stopped outside a door, and Sam gave her shoulder a slight squeeze, before she was let inside. Kara could’ve sworn that her heart stopped at the sight of Lena laying in bed. All at once, every part of her relaxed, going limp with such overwhelming relief. Her pent up breath gusted out of her, and she had to bite back a sob. Lena had always been small, but in a soft way with her gentle curves and shorter stature, but now she just looked frail and thin, her cheeks hollow and eyes sunken. She had one arm in a cast resting on top of the blankets, and she looked as banged up and bruised as Kara. 

 

            It was almost like she didn’t even hear them as Kara was pushed in through the open door, and she stayed ramrod straight tucked in the bed, heedless to the people present. It was just Eliza and Lillian in the room, with Alex hovering in the hallway with the nurse who’d helped fetch her, and Sam pushing her the rest of the way in. It was possible that she was too doped up on painkillers to be aware of much, and Kara knew how relaxing it was to be swimming in the floating feeling of the drugs, oblivious to everything else, but there were the more sinister thoughts telling her that her injuries were more severe than they had let on.

 

            Still, as she neared the bed, she couldn’t help herself - she couldn’t keep it together any longer - and she let out a tearful exclamation, the hole in her heart mending itself at the mere sight of her. “Lena.”

 

            The heart monitor sped up, and Lena’s head turned to her, a smile curling her cracked lips, and her voice breaking when she replied, going limp with relief. “Kara.”


	34. Chapter 34

            She was let out of hospital the next day, under strict orders from her doctor and Eliza that she’d rest at home and no strain herself too much, and Kara immediately tried to weasel her way into Lena’s room, trying to bargain with Eliza, who insisted that she should keep her distance until hers and Lena’s immune systems picked themselves back up. Kara didn’t care much about herself, scoffing at the slight cold, but she bitterly resigned herself to the fact that she’d have to keep her distance from Lena, especially with her pneumonia. The most she was allowed was a quick sneaky visit, courtesy of her nurse, who wheeled her into Lena’s room so she could assure herself that Lena was okay. She’d been sleeping when Kara was there, her dark hair limp and tangled against her pillows, and her skin almost translucent with its pallid complexion. Her breath rose and fell gently, her breathing a little laboured, but her pulse was steady on the heart monitor. Kara was able to be discharged with the reassurance that Lena was okay.

 

            Still, when Alex drove her home, helping her straight upstairs with some difficulty due to her swollen and bruised feet, Kara was tucked into bed and felt the miserable weight of missing Lena settling in. It was becoming far too familiar for her liking. She’d gone from spending virtually every single day with Lena, and the knowledge that she was happily playing the piano in the safety of her home when Kara wasn’t with her, but a few days had changed that. Now, she had seen Lena for a handful of minutes since their argument, and she was worried that something bad would happen and she wouldn’t be there if it did. Even though she knew Eliza would be there, Kara couldn’t help but worry. It felt like all she’d done for days now. 

 

            Her mood spiralled even further when she was left to her own devices, with Alex insisting that she sleep, bringing her some sleeping pills and a cup of tea and leaving her alone to rest. Kara didn’t take the pills, but she nursed her tea in the warmth of their shared bedroom, her old blanket draped over her as she listened to the sounds of her sister pottering around downstairs. Dishes clinked as they were washed, the sound of the washing machine started as a load was put on, and Kara was left to stare at the shelves cluttered with some of their childhood mementos as she brooded in silence. There were soccer trophies and track ribbons, photos of her and Alex with their arms around each other when they’d started to get along, and a neat row of her paperbacks she’d brought back with her. She’d always thought of the bedroom as cozy, with its soft pastels, smell of old wood and the lingering briny smell of the fresh sea air, but sitting in there alone, with the smell of salt making her feel nauseous, Kara didn’t want to be up there. She should’ve been at Lena’s bedside, telling her stories.

 

            The thought of stories turned her stomach though, and she stumbled out of bed, her footsteps loud on the wooden floor as she lumbered towards the bag she’d had in hospital, wincing as she knelt beside it and fished her laptop out. Sitting on the cold wooden floorboards, she angrily deleted all the files relating to her novel, emptying the trash with a hard click on the button, her eyes prickling with angry tears at her own stupidity. The bitter taste of regret filled her mouth as she thought about how she might’ve ruined everything. She still wasn’t quite sure where she stood with Lena - they hadn’t had the chance to have a proper talk, and she knew it couldn’t happen until Lena was less confused - and she felt like she was walking on eggshells, waiting to find out if their relationship was salvageable. It wasn’t a comforting thought.

 

            “What’re you doing?” Alex’s mildly surprised voice asked from the doorway, and Kara looked up, a guilty expression flitting across her face as she set her laptop aside. “You’re supposed to be resting.”

 

            “I was just … deleting something.”

 

            “Get up off the floor,” Alex tutted, walking into the room and reaching down to help pull her to her feet, “mom will kill me if she thinks I’m not making you rest. You’ll just make yourself worse too. Come on, back to bed.”

 

            Kara let herself be pulled up, biting the inside of her cheek as her bruised body throbbed with a dull pain, and walked back over to her bed. Crawling back beneath the covers, she followed Alex’s line of sight to the pills on her nightstand. “I’m not tired. Not yet.”

 

            Nodding, Alex ran a hand through her short hair and walked over to her own bed, shoving aside a pair of her shoes and a leather jacket, the mattress jostling as she sat down, drawing her knees up to her chest and hugging her legs as she eyed Kara over the top of them. 

 

            “She’s going to be fine, Kara.”

 

            Briefly meeting her sister’s soft gaze, Kara ducked her head down, her blonde hair falling in her face as she drew in a shuddering breath, her bottom lip quivering slightly. “I know, but … what if it’s not the same anymore?”

 

            “What’ll change? She’ll get better, and maybe it’ll be slower than you thought, but she’ll get there. This is Lena we’re talking about, she’s gone through so much shit that of  _ course _ she’ll pull through it all.”

 

            “She might not be the same though,” Kara darkly replied, “and she might not love me the same.”

 

            “Okay,” Alex impatiently said, an almost demanding edge to her tone, “what happened? You’ve been mysteriously dropping cryptic comments for days now. What did you  _ do?  _ What did  _ she _ do? No one’s deaf - we all heard her say that you were angry - and you’re both idiots for going out into that storm, so what made you do it? Because I can’t help you if I don’t know. And Sam can’t help Lena either.”

 

            Pressing her lips together, Kara rocked slightly as she toyed with the idea of telling Alex. Should she keep it between her and Lena? Or should she look to her sister for guidance and reassurance? It was eating her up inside, slowly, by little degrees, and Kara’s mind was heavily burdened with her guilt and regret, and it would be days, perhaps weeks, before she could talk to Lena about it. Letting out a heavy sigh, Kara looked up, giving Alex a grim smile.

 

            “I was stupid, and not as smart as I thought I was. She didn’t know about the book I was writing-”

 

            “The book about her?”

 

            “Yeah, that one,” Kara bitterly muttered, “except her mom found out. The interview I went to was a setup, because Lena’s ex-fiance told her mom about me-”

 

            “Wait, Lena was  _ engaged?” _

 

            Huffing impatiently, Kara gave Alex a withering look. “Yes, it’s a long story, and it doesn’t matter right now. So anyway, Lena’s mom found out I was a reporter, and I think she had someone hack my laptop, because she found out about the book and I mean, it’s not  _ about _ Lena, but it’s pretty obvious, and I … well I had all these notes. Personal things about Lena. Her mom thought I was writing an article on them. She tried to buy me off, I refused, obviously, but Lena found out everything and I-I came back but she wouldn’t  _ listen _ . She was so angry and she just- she left. Right out into the storm. So I went after her - of  _ course _ I did - because I couldn’t just let her get sick or turned around in the storm because she was mad at me. I tried to make her come back, but she was mad and then I-I got mad. And then … she fell.”

 

            “And then you jumped,” Alex softly finished.

 

            “Yeah,” Kara pathetically replied, her voice thick with emotion as she blinked quickly to try and dissipate the burning feeling that signified the onslaught of tears. She was sick of crying now, and her eyes were raw and still a little bloodshot from seeing Lena before she was discharged. “I know you think it’s stupid,” Kara whispered, “God, I  _ know _ it was stupid, and I know I’d think you were crazy if you’d done it for … someone, but I couldn’t- I couldn’t just let her drown. I couldn’t live with myself.”

 

            Climbing to her feet, Alex crossed the gap between their beds and sat down on the edge of Kara’s, reaching out to give her shoulder a quick squeeze. “I know, and I’m glad you know you’re the worst decision maker with the biggest heart of gold, but more importantly, I’m glad you’re okay. When mom called I- well, it was very quickly nearly the worst moment of my life. I could stand losing anyone, but not you. You’re a pain in the ass sometimes, but you’re the best person I know, so  _ never _ scare me like that again, okay? Not even to be all heroic and save a girl. You’re making the rest of us look bad.”

 

            Kara let out a tearful laugh, giving Alex a smile as she reached out to squeeze her sister’s hand. “I would’ve done it for you too, you know.”

 

            “I know,” Alex murmured, “you care too much. It’s one of the things that makes it so easy to love you. Just … don’t put other people before yourself, okay?”

 

            Silently nodding, Kara knew she’d do it all over again. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to stop herself from making the decision that she had. It had almost been instinct. Kissing her on the forehead, Alex climbed to her feet and told her she’d bring her something for her throat, and Kara quietly gave in, feeling tired as she lay in bed. It wasn’t long before Alex was back with a few cold and flu pills, a cup of hot water with lemon and honey, and a tub of Vicks VapoRub, the smell of eucalyptus strongly overpowering the other smells of the room. Too tired to argue at the over-the-top care of her sister, Kara obediently drained the teacup, swallowed the pills and rubbed some of the ointment on her chest. With the smell of eucalyptus and the lingering taste of honey, she drifted off to sleep in the comfort of her own bed, sleeping better than she had in days.

 

\---

 

            Days passed by, and at first, they were unbearable, because Kara had the feeling that she’d been tricked into being imprisoned at her house. She argued with Alex and Eliza until she was blue in the face, had cried on numerous occasions and hidden under the blankets until they’d left her alone, because they wouldn’t take her to see Lena. It occurred to her that she was being childish and unreasonable, with her running nose, hacking cough and the leaden feeling of her body that made it an effort to even hobble downstairs, but Kara  _ missed _ Lena. It was as simple as that. But Lena was in worse shape than her, with serious concerns for her pneumonia, and Kara had to swallow her own feelings and think about what was best for Lena. It didn’t make her miss her any less though.

 

            Once she’d bitterly resigned herself to the fact that she was too sick to be around Lena’s low immune system - or have Lena around her, as a precaution - Kara made a nest on a sofa downstairs and wasted her time reading old paperback novels, or poems, or listening to music, until one by one, she exhausted all of her hobbies, because each one reminded her of Lena. It was a terrible thing to miss someone, but as far as she was concerned, it was a small price to pay to know that she was okay in hospital, rather than at the bottom of the sea.

 

            Every day, Eliza came home and gave Kara what little comfort she could, telling her that Lena was awake, or that she’d gotten out of bed that day or asked for Kara. What she’d gotten from Eliza’s updates was that she was endlessly asking for Kara. It hurt to know that Lena was missing her too - or she assumed that she was, and it wasn’t some bitter demand to see her so they could finish off their fight - but she was doing okay. Not great, but they’d ruled out any major brain damage or problems with her core functions. She could walk well enough, albeit a bit bruised and battered, and she could read and talk, and remembered people she knew well. The drugs were hindering her too, as well as her pneumonia, but she was slowly mending. Eliza even guessed that Kara would be able to see her again soon.

 

            That soon turned into nearly a week after Kara had been discharged, after days of prowling around the house on her bandaged feet, driving Alex mad, until Alex had to return to National City, leaving her with a stern warning about looking after herself, and she was left to sit outside and listen to the waves. The sound of waves crashing on the beach made her shiver with fear, and it was strange to be so afraid of something that had been so soothing to her. Kara sat out there anyway, listening to the waves and the wind and trying to imagine what kind of songs Lena would come up with if she was there with her. No doubt they’d be beautiful. 

 

            The day that Eliza agreed that she could visit the hospital, Kara was brimming with excitement. Dressed and ready within minutes, she ignored the dull aching in her feet as she quickly stepped outside into the windy day and walked towards Eliza’s car, sitting in the passenger seat. With a look of resignation, Eliza silently shook her head as she climbed into the car and drove them both towards the hospital, calming explaining things to Kara, like how visiting hours didn’t start for another hour, or how Lena needed to rest. Kara would follow any rules, just as long as she got to see her. 

 

            They parked in one of the doctor’s bays, and Kara was fidgety as she waited for Eliza to lock the car, following her closely in through the automatic doors, the distinct smell of the hospital hitting her as soon as she stepped inside. With a few bills pressed into her hand, Eliza told Kara to go to the cafeteria until she came and found her when visiting hours started, and Kara watched the blonde woman bustle off for rounds. Knowing her way around the hospital with the familiar ease of someone who had spent a lot of time there when Eliza had to stay late at the lab, Kara made her way through the blindingly white hallways, smiling to the nurses and doctors she knew, assuring them that she was fine, and soon found herself seated at a table with a cup of coffee from the best vending machine on offer.

 

            She’d brought a book of her favourite poems and quietly read, making notes of which ones Lena might like as she sipped at the mediocre coffee, pouring far too much sugar in it to try and improve its taste. Time ticked by slowly though, and she jiggled her knee beneath the table, glancing down at her wristwatch every few seconds while she tried to concentrate of the words. It felt like forever before the double doors were pushed open and Eliza poked her head inside. She smiled at Kara, beckoning her over, and Kara was on her feet in a flash, juggling her half finished coffee and book as she raced over to her.

 

            “She’s awake,” Eliza quietly told her, “and in a good mood today; I told her you’re here.”

 

            Smiling, Kara tossed her coffee in the trash and slipped out into the hallway. Her nerves grew as she followed Eliza through the wide hallways, her eyes trained on the white lab coat as she listened to Eliza talk. She usually didn’t invest so much time in being hands on with patients, leaving it to her residents and interns, as the head of general surgery, but she’d put her lab research on hold to take care of Lena, and Kara was more grateful than she could ever tell Eliza. 

 

            Stopping outside a door, Eliza gave her a reassuring smile and handed her a surgical mask. One of the conditions for seeing her was that she would wear a mask covering her mouth and nose, for both hers and Lena’s sake, and wouldn’t take it off, no matter what. While Kara was sure she wasn’t contagious anymore, and was getting over her cold, Lena was still trying to overcome her pneumonia, and any threat to her immune system could make her worse. Slipping on the mask without argument, Kara watched as Eliza opened the door, and she drew in a shallow breath, taking a tentative step inside, wishing that she’d been allowed to bring flowers as she took in the drab clinical feeling of the room, occupied by the slight figure in the bed.

 

            “Kara?”

 

            “She asks for you every time the door opens,” Eliza murmured behind her, a smile in her voice, and Kara smiled from behind her mask. With a squeeze of her arm, Eliza withdrew from the room, closing the door and leaving Kara alone with Lena.

 

            Hardly daring to breathe as she walked over the bed and eased herself down onto the edge of it, Kara reached out and took Lena’s slender hand in her own. Her knuckles were still scabbed from where her hands had grazed against the rocks, her one arm still held in a cast, and Kara was careful as she bowed her head over it and pressed her lips against cold fingers in a featherlight kiss behind her mask.

 

            “It’s me,” Kara whispered.

 

            “You’re here,” Lena said, her eyelids flying open in surprise.

 

            A small smile curled her lips, and Kara reached out to stroke Lena’s dark hair, “I’m here.”

 

            Lena’s eyes were alert, without the misty haze of drugs, and she looked straight at Kara, filling her with a rush of love and relief. Her eyes were sunken and her cheeks hollow, as Kara expected with all the strain on her body, but aside from looking a little fragile, Lena looked  _ okay. _ Choking on a breathless sob, Kara couldn’t help but smile as she held one cold hand in her hands, trying to warm it as she drank in the sight of Lena. The relief she felt was second only to the relief of seeing Lena the first time since the accident, and she felt all the tension and worry bleed out of her. The wait had been agonising, but sitting there on the edge of the hospital bed, seeing Lena upright and alert, she knew it had been for the best. Eliza had only told her about the good parts, but Kara was certain that there had been an uglier side to Lena’s recovery. She would’ve been there through all of it if she’d been allowed.

 

            “I forgot I was blind the other day. Isn’t that strange?”

 

            Pausing for a moment, Kara gave her a look of concern, but the slightly upturned corners of Lena’s lips let her know that she thought it was funny. Letting out a quiet laugh, she shook her head slightly, a tender look on her face. “Yeah, that’s a little bit strange.”

 

            “I knew you’d think so,” Lena softly smiled, her eyelashes fluttering slightly. She was quiet for a few moments, and Kara was content to let her rest and take her time, just relishing the fact that she could look at her and hold her hand. When Lena’s eyes snapped open, there was a slightly perturbed look in them that made Kara’s stomach lurch for a moment. “Kara? Can you kiss me? It’s been so long and I just- I  _ really _ want to kiss you.”

 

            Eyes pricking with tears, Kara gave her a soft look of sadness, letting out a gentle sigh. “You’re sick, baby. And so am I. That’s why they wouldn’t let me see you,” Kara said, her voice trembling, “they even made me put a stupid mask on to come in here.” She let out a weak laugh, reaching up to wipe her eyes.

 

            “Oh, that’s why you sound so funny,” Lena murmured, letting out a feeble cough.

 

            Laughing, Kara nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. “Yeah. We- we’re both going to be fine though. You’ll be out of here soon.”

 

            Weakly nodding her head, Lena smiled, her eyes opening to look at Kara. “I know, and I’d still like a kiss, if that’s okay with you.”

 

            Smiling, Kara gently stroked Lena’s cheek with a featherlight touch, her fingertips barely grazing her skin in fear that she’d hurt her. “I don’t think it’s a good idea,” she whispered, and Lena let out a soft sigh of exasperation.

 

            “You don’t want to?”

 

            “Of course I- there’s something we need to talk about first. When you’re better. Until then, you need to rest.”

 

            “It’s okay,” Lena said, her voice sounding small as she reached out with one arm and let her fingers trail over Kara’s knuckles, the movement clumsy and heavy-handed. “I know you were angry. It was about your … the, um, the … the thing.”

 

            Her forehead furrowed as she frowned, a look of irritation in her eyes as she scrambled for the word. Kara eyed her warily, an expectant look on her face as she brushed Lena’s dark hair out of her face. “My book,” she softly finished for her, a sad smile curling her lips, “it was about my book.”

 

            Seeming to deflate with relief, Lena gently sighed. “Yes. Your book.”

 

            “You remember.”

 

            “I remember you saved me.”

 

            “I did.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            The question caught Kara off guard, and she paused for a moment, blinking in surprise as she silently kept stroking Lena’s hair, watching long eyelashes dust too sharp cheekbones as green eyes fluttered open and closed, a look of almost content washing over Lena. Or perhaps it was exhaustion. Kara wasn’t sure, but she knew that it would take Lena a long while to recover from pneumonia, and she’d be tired for a while. Her fever had broken though, which was a good sign for how she was already improving. The nasty cough and chest pains were still lingering though, and probably would for another few weeks. Kara already suspected that Lena would be a handful with having to be on bedrest, and smiled slightly at the thought. She would cherish every moment of nursing her back to health, purely for the chance to be able to do it.

 

            “Because it was you,” Kara eventually replied, an aching feeling in her chest, “and I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

 

            “You’re still afraid that you might,” Lena said, her eyes snapping open as she gave Kara a wide eyed look that was so scrutinising, it made Kara withdraw her hand and straighten up. She sounded as surprised as she looked, and Kara wondered what she’d picked up in her voice for her to realise that, because it was  _ true _ .

 

            “Yes.”

 

            “We were in the …” she let out an exasperated sigh, screwing her eyes shut and shaking her head slightly, “what’s it- we fell into it.”

 

            The feeling that something was wrong caught Kara off guard again, and she tilted her head to the side, her eyes roaming over Lena’s pale face, taking in the healing cuts and the general weariness of the ordeal. She looked fine. This was  _ her _ Lena. Yet, Kara felt the icy grip of fear take hold of her heart at the realisation that maybe she hadn’t been quick enough. She’d been quick, and dragged her out, but had she been quick  _ enough?  _ That was another matter entirely, and while Lena had passed all of the basic cognitive tests that the neurosurgeon had run, and even Eliza had eased Kara’s worries, but they couldn’t be a hundred percent sure yet. Not when she was still medicated and recovering. Kara told herself she was reading too much into things.

 

            “The sea,” she patiently replied, “we fell into the sea.”

 

            “The sea,” Lena murmured in agreement. “It was so  _ cold _ . I felt like I was freezing and … losing all the air inside me at the same time.” 

 

_             Suffocating _ , Kara wanted to correct her, thinking it was an odd way to phrase it, but she just smiled and ran a thumb over the knuckles of Lena’s hand. “There was a storm. Do you remember it?”

 

            Scoffing, Lena rolled her eyes. “Of course I do. I don’t have amnesia.”

 

            Letting out a loud laugh, Kara flashed a quick smile at her, feeling warm inside at the feeling of laughing with Lena. “That’s good.”

 

            “You think that I hate you, don’t you?” Lena asked, a doe eyed look of innocence in her sea green eyes. “Or you probably  _ think _ I should, knowing you. I don’t though. How could I?”

 

            “Pretty easily, given the circumstances,” Kara thickly replied, drawing in a shuddering breath as her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you or for you to get hurt. It’s all my fault.”

 

            Letting out a raspy laugh, which turned into a painful sounding cough, Lena shook her head, letting Kara prop her up slightly and help her drink some water. “It’s okay, Kara. I forgive you. I mean … I think I’m still mad, but I’m too tired right now, and I just want you to hold my hand. I can be mad later. Is that okay?”

 

            Choking on a laugh, Kara wiped at her eyes with the cuffs of her sweatshirt, reaching out for Lena’s hand again and holding it safely in her own. “That sounds  _ perfect _ ,” Kara said, the warm feeling of love welling up as she felt Lena give her hand a gentle squeeze.

 

            “Can you do something else for me?”

 

            “Anything.”

 

            “Can you describe … this place for me please. I can’t- I can’t see, and no one else has told me. I thought about asking … who was it? Sam? Yes, Sam. I was going to ask her, but no one else describes things like you do.”

 

            With a small smile, Kara swallowed the lump in her throat. “Okay. Okay, I’ll describe it for you.”

 

            Taking a look around the room, Kara drank in the white walls and white floor, the heavy grey curtains open to reveal the bleak day outside and the skeletal trees that hadn’t started growing back their leaves yet. The starched white sheets of the bed and the clunky medical equipment beeping away next to the domineering railinged bed. It wasn’t exactly inspiring beneath the harsh glare of the fluorescent light overhead. Drawing in a shaky breath, Kara took in the hopeful look on Lena’s face and shifted so that she was laying down beside her, on top of the blankets, but curled up right beside Lena. Shifting instinctively, Lena cuddled up next to her, her head fitting into the gap between Kara’s neck and shoulder, and Kara wrapped her arms around her, letting out a breathless sob at the feeling of holding her in her arms. It felt right. It was like everything clicked into place, like she finally felt safe, keeping Lena warm as she held her close, feeling her hair tickle her cheek. And then she started to talk, painting a picture more beautiful than the one she saw, because she couldn’t bear the thought of Lena knowing about the coldness of the place.

 

            “The walls are green. Not a  _ bright _ green, but softer, like the palest mint colour, and the curtains … they’re almost the same colour. It makes it feel like spring has come a bit early. And you’ve got a lamp beside you which is making the room all yellow and warm - it almost feels like we’re at your house, on your sofa. Look, Sam even brought your blanket in for you. And the weather … it’s like the storm blew all the cold away. You’ve got these big nice windows and it’s sunny today. Can you believe it? Not very sunny, but the sky is just the slightest bit blue and the sun is out and there’s some trees out there that are starting to grow new leaves. There’s so much green around. None of it is as pretty as your eyes though. I always thought they were like the sea, but they’re like the spring too. I bet your garden will start growing back soon too. Maybe we can go and pick out some new flowers for you again, you know, when you’re better and you’re not mad anymore.”

 

            With a shallow sigh, Lena burrowed her face into the side of Kara’s neck, her one arm angled carefully in its cast so she didn’t hurt herself, and it took Kara a few moments to realise that she had fallen asleep. With a small smile, Kara carefully stroked her hair, keeping her wrapped up in her arms, and she carried on talking, about everything and anything, thinking of all the things she’d wished she could’ve said to Lena over the past week, no matter how small they were. Even then, when she’d exhausted all topics of conversation, she turned to poetry, reading from the worn book she’d brought with her, until her voice was scratchy. She talked until she couldn’t talk anymore, until she was left staring up at the blank ceiling, feeling Lena’s gentle heartbeat beneath her touch, and given voice to on the monitor beside her, and felt the steady rising and falling of her chest. Eventually she fell asleep too, undisturbed and peacefully for the first time in days.


	35. Chapter 35

            She was in hospital for another week before they deemed Lena fit enough to leave, as long as she was on strict bed rest for a few more weeks while she got over her pneumonia, but the worst had passed and she was as stable as she’d be. Kara visited everyday for that week, sometimes with Sam or sometimes heading in with Eliza and staying until she left that night, passing the time in between visiting hours by reading in the cafeteria. Her conversations with Lena were halting and lighthearted, focused on things aside from their argument and what she’d written, after Kara had softly explained that she wanted Lena to focus on getting better first. It wouldn’t do to keep putting it off, and perhaps it was cowardly of her, but her intentions were pure. Lena was still on antibiotics, but had been weaned off the heavy painkillers.

 

            That brought another round of problems. With the morphine and other medications, it was easy to see why her thoughts were so jumbled and disjointed, why her memory had small holes and her sentences were punctuated by gaps, but with nothing but over the counter pills to ease her aches at home, it became glaringly obvious that some of their biggest fears had come to fruition. Lena could read her braille, albeit slower that Kara had watched her do so before, and she could walk easily, but there was something jerky about her motions as she moved as well. No one said anything, but there was the unspoken fear that the developments might be permanent. Then again, there was the chance that they weren’t.

 

            Either way, there was the collective feeling of relief the day they wheeled Lena out of the hospital, wrapped in several layers and quickly hustled to the car, where Sam was waiting with the heating running in their concern about Lena being out in the, albeit mild, cold weather. Silently letting herself be buckled in, Lena was patient and as soon as Kara stowed her bag in the trunk and climbed in beside her. The radio played quiet music, and she met Sam’s concerned brown eyes in the rearview mirror as she put the car into gear and drove off at Kara’s small smile of reassurance.

 

            It was only a short drive to Lena’s house, and they were there not too long later, with Sam grabbing the bag while Kara helped Lena out of the car, trying to help her walk while Lena irritably insisted that she didn’t need any help. Her balance wasn’t perfect to begin with, but Kara knew better than to be overbearing and coddle her for her lack of sight, even though it wasn’t the reason why she was offering to help. She surrendered without a fight, letting Lena stride up the garden path, albeit shakily and slow, but she hovered nervously behind her, hands fluttering about as she waited for Lena to stumble or fall so that she could steady her. It would’ve annoyed Lena greatly if she’d seen it.

 

            It took a few minutes to reach the bottom steps leading up to the light green door, already open from where Sam had let herself in, and Kara could hear the sound of voices coming from further inside. Alex was waiting with Ruby. Slowly climbing the wooden steps, Kara waited for Lena, staring down at the welcome mat with the chickens with a look of fondness on her face, and waited for the sound of footsteps crossing the porch, but instead, looked up to find Lena standing still, her eyes closed as she swayed slightly.

 

            “We should get you inside before you get cold,” Kara hesitantly spoke.

 

            Eyelashes fluttered against pale cheeks as Lena opened her eyelids to reveal two accusing jade eyes giving her a hard look. “I’m not fragile, Kara,” Lena testily replied, “I’ll just be a moment. I’m just- it smells like home. And spring.”

 

            “Oh, okay,” Kara murmured, hovering outside as she watched Lena with a patient look on her face. 

 

            She didn’t have to wait long before Lena let out the faintest sigh and carried on walking, stepping over the lip of the door frame and into the house. Following her inside, Kara securely shut the door behind them and shed her coat, watching as Lena stiffly did the same, before she tried to take her boots off. Over balancing, Lena clutched at the wall, grasping thin air, and fell towards the floor, before Kara’s gentle hands caught her, carefully lowering her to the ground.

 

            “Here, let me help-”

 

            “I’m fine,” Lena brushed her away, her trembling hands going to her shoes. 

 

            One arm was still encased in a cast, and she fumbled with the clunky boot, letting out a frustrated sigh. Kara was crouched in front of her, taking in the annoyance in Lena’s stormy eyes, her dark hair falling into her face as she ducked her head down slightly. Slowly, with an air of shameful defeat, Lena stretched one leg out, her foot coming down before Kara, and without any comment or fuss, Kara pulled both shoes off for her and set them down beneath the row of hooks holding a jumbled assortment of coats, jackets and parkas. 

 

            When she straightened up, Lena had climbed to her feet, and was attacked by an exuberant twelve-year-old a moment later as Ruby came running down the hallway and wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist. “Lena!”

 

            “Hey kid,” Lena murmured, reaching up to pat Ruby on the head.

 

            Sam’s exasperated scolding drifted down the hallway as she materialised in the doorway leading to the kitchen, and Kara looked up to find Alex standing behind her, one hand resting gently on Sam’s shoulder. They were all quiet for a few moments, and Kara could hear the sound of the kettle boiling.

 

            “I’ll be upstairs,” Lena murmured, extracting herself from Ruby’s hug.

 

            “I’ll bring you up some tea,” Kara said with a small smile. 

 

            She didn’t offer to help her climb the stairs, knowing that Lena would only get more frustrated, and at this point, any more frustration would lead to anger. Anger at herself, probably anger towards Kara, and anything else she could possibly be angry at. Lena was almost brimming with tension, wound tight as if she was waiting to explode. It was almost like being around a timebomb, Kara thought. The best thing to do was to try and defuse it before it all blew up in her face, but it was hard to try and help someone who didn’t want to be helped. Harder still when you loved that person more than anything, and love wasn’t enough to make everything okay. As a child, Kara had seen love as a kind of magic that fixed anything that was wrong, but the truth of the matter was that sometimes, you could love someone so much that it felt like it would burst out of you, but that didn’t mean it could heal every hurt. Some things were too broken to be tenderly pieced back together by someone who loved you. She couldn’t make Lena’s aches and pains go away anymore than she could restore her sight, and it was a bitter thought that left a sour taste in Kara’s mouth. How cruel it was to have saved the woman she loved, but not  _ all _ of her.

 

            Watching her slowly plod upstairs, Kara swallowed the lump in her throat, and listened to the footsteps making their way down the hallway. Lowering her gaze, she met Alex and Sam’s concerned faces and gave them a small smile, before she let out a small sigh and walked towards them, one arm slung around Ruby’s shoulders as she guided the little girl with her.

 

            “She’s just tired,” Kara made excuses for Lena, and everyone nodded, although Kara knew they were worried about her.

 

            It wasn’t far from the truth though, and Kara knew that Lena would be tired for a few months yet as her body tried to recover from the pneumonia. Her broken bones would fix quickly, and all of the cuts and bruises had already faded from Lena’s pale skin, but there were other injuries that would take longer. There were some that might not heal at all. She’d been so alert and responsive, that they’d assumed Kara had caught her in the nick of time, before any real brain damage had set in from the oxygen deprivation. They’d been lucky it had been a cold and stormy night, but then again, they wouldn’t have been in the water in the first place if it hadn’t been for the storm. Either way, the cold had made Lena’s core temperature plummet, and that had greatly lessened the damage done to her brain in their latest assumptions. Their initial oversight of her being fine had been amended to  _ slight _ brain damage. Not enough of a deficit to make her have amnesia or have to relearn how to walk, but enough that it made Lena seem a little out of sorts compared to how she usually was. She was always forthcoming and direct with her thoughts and feelings, but being unable to articulate it properly was out of character and frustrating for her as she searched for the words that she was looking for.

 

            “We’ll leave you two alone,” Alex murmured, reaching out to give Kara’s shoulder a quick squeeze, before drawing her sister into a hug. “We’ll all stay at mom’s tonight, but give us a call if something happens during the night. Even if you just need a break. You need to look after yourself too.”

 

            “Okay,” Kara whispered, feeling her eyes burn slightly. 

 

            She was tired of crying though, and Lena was home, which was a good thing, so the tears never came. Instead, she hugged Sam goodbye and walked everyone to the door, seeing them out and waving goodbye, before she shut herself into the quiet house. The kettle had finished boiling, and Kara walked back towards the tidy kitchen, pulling cups out and making two strong cups of breakfast tea, thinking that ordinary would better suit the situation, slipping a shortbread biscuit onto each saucer, before carefully carrying them both upstairs as she tried not to spill any.

 

            Turning at the top of the staircase, Kara made for the bedroom and then paused, changing her course as her intuition got the better of her. Where would someone who had been on bed rest for over two weeks, desperately missing her music, go when given the chance? She nudged the door of the piano room open and took in the dark figure sitting before the keys, both hands spread out over the keys, angrily trying to press down on the keys with gentle precision. Letting out a huff of frustration as Kara set the teacups down on top of a braille copy of  _ The Yearling _ sitting on an end table wedged in beside the couch, Lena made a clumsy, disjointed sound on the keys, and Kara looked over at her, creeping over to stand behind her.

 

            “Lena-”

 

            “It’s this stupid fucking … thing,” Lena angrily swore, slamming her left hand down on the keys, playing a morose chord as the heavy cast struck the keys.

 

            “It’s just for a few more weeks,” Kara soothingly tried to placate her, reaching out and taking her hand in her own. She pressed a soft kiss to the fingertips poking out of the end. “Just a few weeks and then you’ll be back to showing Mozart up again.”

 

            Scoffing, Lena ran her right hand through her hair and stared slightly past Kara with a dark look in her eyes. “And what if I don’t- what if I can never play again?”

 

            Frowning, Kara shook her head, giving Lena’s hand a quick squeeze. “Of course you will. Now, drink your tea and stop beating up that hand of yours. If you break your arm again, you’ll have to go even longer without playing.”

 

            “It’s already been long enough,” Lena quietly seethed, a sullen look on her face. 

 

            Wearily closing the fallboard, she let out a sigh and climbed to her feet, rounding the small bench and walking over to the sofa. She misjudged her steps, or miscounted, and her shins hit the edge of it, making her fall forward and catch herself on the wall with one hand. Letting out a frustrated sigh, Lena took a slow, deep breath in, the muscles of her shoulders taut with her aggravation at her circumstances. Kara understood how it felt to not be able to do something you really wanted to do. She’d spent months after moving to Midvale wishing she could write an article; Lena wished she could play her music. She’d spent days wanting to see Lena in the hospital; Lena wanted to be able to shake off the last of her injuries.

 

            Slowly lowering herself down onto the sofa, she closed her eyes and let out a small sigh, her shoulders sagging as all of the tension bled out of her, and Kara watched her was a sad look in her blue eyes. “I’m sorry,” Lena murmured, patting the empty space beside her, “come and sit.”

 

            Crossing the room, Kara sat down beside her, reaching out and placing a tentative hand on Lena’s shoulder. Turning her head, Lena tilted it down and kissed Kara’s fingers, and Kara’s lips twitched up into a slight smile. Then she drew Lena into her arms, knowing that Lena would willing come now, like she wouldn’t have five minutes ago, and Kara cradled her against her chest for a few minutes while their tea cooled on top of the dusty stack of books on the end table. They stayed in the piano room for a while, with Kara holding Lena close until they both sat up and drank their tea, doing so in silence as Kara didn’t want to pressure Lena into fumbling through sentences, and Lena didn’t feel much like talking.

 

            “Would you like me to run you a hot bath?” Kara asked as she took their empty cups and set them aside.

 

            “Ah yes, I would  _ love _ to submerge myself in some water,” Lena dryly replied. Sighing, Kara gave her an exasperated look, and a flicker of guilt ran across Lena’s face, and she gave Kara a sheepish look. “Sorry,” she muttered. “That would be nice, thank you.”

 

            Running a hand over her dark hair, Kara gave her a lingering look before climbing to her feet and leaving her alone. Making her way to the bathroom, Kara put the plug in and ran the hot water, finding some bubblebath and squirting it in, before she made a quick trip into the bedroom and rummaged through the drawers for clean pyjamas. When the bath was nearly full, she went to fetch Lena.

 

            Watching her undress, in case she needed help with her cast, Kara frowned at the thinness of Lena, although she’d put some weight back on in hospital, and couldn’t help but feel guilty again. She could blame Lillian all she wanted to, but it had been her fault as well, and looking at the difference in Lena made her hate herself. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to write again. Even when she’d been asked to write an article detailing their ordeal for her job at the newspaper, Kara had refused under the guise that she was still recovering from it. It had been her writing that had gotten them into this mess, and she wasn’t sure she could write something with the knowledge that her words had hurt Lena.

 

            Carefully climbing into the bath with slow, cautious movements, Lena settled into the steaming water and piles of bubbles, the arm with her cast hanging limply over the side as she rested her head against the rim. Settling down a safe ways away from the tub, Kara watched her frown the tiled floor, hugging her knees to her chest as she tried to think of something to say as the silence hung heavily over her. There was so much to say, but for once, words failed her. Apologies were worse than useless, false words of hope would sound empty and fall upon deaf ears, and Kara knew that anything she said would just tick Lena off. She stayed silent instead, until Lena spoke, trailing the fingers of her right hand through the foamy surface of the water.

 

            “Will you wash my hair for me?”

 

            With a sigh of relief, Kara clambered to her feet, eager to have something to do. “Of course.”

 

            So she set about washing the dark locks, kneeling on the cold tiled floor behind Lena’s head, massaging shampoo into her hair, and then conditioner, before she moved around to the side and gently scrubbed her clean with soap. Lena was quiet the whole time, her green eyes occasionally darting around, or a thoughtful look crossing her face as she brooded over something. Kara watched her closely, drinking in the sight of her.

 

            “You haven’t kissed me yet,” Lena eventually blurted out, a small crease between her eyebrows.

 

            “I- well, no …” Kara slowly said, blinking in surprise, “they made us wear surgical masks around you so you didn’t get worse.”

 

            “I know, but I’m not in hospital anymore.”

 

            Carefully rinsing soap suds off her shoulder, Kara was quiet, unsure of what to say. Should she say that she wasn’t sure if Lena wanted her to touch her? Or that Kara didn’t want to pretend that everything was okay before they’d had the chance to talk? There were a dozen reasons that she could list for why she’d been so nervous about the thought of kissing her. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to kiss you,” she ended up admitting, shrugging slightly as she glanced down at the pale curve of Lena’s collarbone.

 

            A wet hand cupped her cheek, and Kara looked up to find Lena staring at her with a burning intensity that made her feel like she was staring right through her. It was one of Lena’s more unnerving habits, making it look like she was seeing and not seeing at the same time - like she was seeing  _ more _ \- and Kara paused as she stared back, the warmth of Lena’s wet hand making her heart race.

 

            “Of course I do,” Lena softly told her, a tender look in her eyes as she smiled slightly, “I love you.”

 

            “I love you too,” Kara choked out, her eyes filling with tears as she let out a shuddering sob. 

 

            Splashing water everywhere, Lena met her halfway and placed a clumsy kiss on Kara’s quivering lips, before she wrapped her in a hug, soaking through her clothes, but Kara didn’t care and she held her tightly anyway. She was aware of Lena murmuring nonsense to her, unsure of whether it made sense of if her tone was just soothing enough to make Kara feel safe, but either way, she didn’t care, because Lena still loved her and her warm lips were pressing kisses to every inch of Kara that she could reach from within the tight embrace.

 

            When she finally climbed out of the bath, splattering the tiled floor with water and shivering at the sudden coldness, Kara wrapped her in a fluffy towel and them hugged her again. It was the first time they’d been able to hug unhindered by a hospital bed, a wheelchair or the side of the bathtub, and Kara let out a shaky breath at the feeling of Lena fitting securely in her arms. The only time she’d held her tighter was in the water, afraid that she’d lose her forever if she let go. Now she held her tightly because she had her and she loved her.


	36. Chapter 36

            A couple of weeks passed by, and Kara could feel the tension growing, which wasn’t to say that things weren’t good, it’s just that there were a lot of moments where neither of them knew what to say. Lena still had the cast on, and wouldn’t be getting it off for another week or so, which meant that she’d been frustratingly hindered in her piano playing and spent most of her time sulking in bed. Three emails had come through from Lana Lang, but Kara didn’t even bother opening them as she focused on nursing Lena back to health. She tried not to be too overbearing, even when Lena got frustrated at her inability to do something for herself, but she was always there, quietly folding freshly laundered towels or vacuuming hard to reach corners. She tried to give Lena her space, usually hovering downstairs or in a different room, unless Lena wanted something or was in a good enough mood to let Kara slip into bed beside her and whisper stories to her in the dark room.

 

            The only time Lena left the house was for the rehabilitation program she’d been enrolled in. She hadn’t wanted to do it - that much she made very clear - but after a week of no changes in her right hand, which was free of a cast, she caved in and let Kara make arrangements for her. She’d been four times so far, working with an occupational therapist, a speech-language pathologist, physiotherapist and a psychologist. While at home, Kara helped her practice what she’d learnt. Still, her hand shook when she tried to raise a fork or cup to her lips, there were words that she couldn’t for the life of her remember, leaving gaps in her sentences, and her steps were halting and clumsy, leaving her pale skin with a mottled collection of bruises. They were assured that it was normal for her brain to take some time to mend itself, and that it didn’t mean that the oxygen deprivation had permanently damaged her brain, but still, Kara could see the stiff anger inside Lena.

 

            She spent hours laying propped up against a pile of pillows, either in bed or on the sofa, covered in layers of blankets to keep her warm, and she’d stare blankly straight ahead, her lips pressed together in a thin line and her shoulders slightly hunched. Her words were locked away inside her, and Kara wasn’t sure what she was thinking, which unnerved her more than anything else. Lena’s feelings had always been very close to the surface, ready to spill out of her fingertips on piano keys or fall from her lips in an easy admission of what she was feeling. It had been refreshing to find someone so open and honest, but she’d closed herself off now, isolating much of her thoughts from Kara. Half of the time, it was like living in a house with someone who wasn’t home, as Lena retreated into her mind, oblivious to any of her surroundings. Other times, it was like living with a timebomb, each moment ticking by with an ominous feeling that any second now things were going to blow up.

 

            Still, Kara tried her hardest to make things normal, and as she carried in two cups of tea - one half-filled so as not to spill over from any trembling movements - she gave Lena a small smile, setting the cups down onto the nightstand and perching on the edge of the bed. If Lena had heard her come in, which she undoubtedly must’ve, she made no signs to acknowledge her, until she jostled the mattress slightly.

 

            “I just go off the phone with Sam,” Kara told her, “she was thinking of coming up again this weekend.”

 

            “Sure,” Lena mumbled.

 

            “If Alex comes too, I thought that I could cook dinner for the four of us. I’m sure Eliza will look after Ruby for a couple of hours. That’ll be nice, right?”

 

            “Yeah.”

 

            Her tone was flat with disinterest, as if she couldn’t care less what they did, and Kara swallowed the lump in her throat as she shifted closer to Lena. Looking down at the cast laying on the bed, which held the large loopy writing of a twelve-year-old who had pestered Lena into letting her sign it, as well as a small, neat name in Kara’s handwriting, followed by a little heart. Reaching out, she brushed her fingertips over Lena’s exposed fingers, hoping it was comforting. She couldn’t bring herself to look at her as she spoke - she could rarely look at her without feeling guilty these days - and she struggled to find the words.

 

            “Lena,” she started, letting out a heavy sigh, “it’s going to be fine. The doctor’s said that it’s just going to take some time. I know it’s … I know it’s hard, but you’re going to get through this.”

 

            “Stop,” Lena said, her eyes closing as she spoke, her voice the faintest whisper. Her shoulders slumped in defeat, and she was limp against the pillows.

 

            Reaching out, Kara rested a hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze as she tried to find say something else comforting to say. “The doctors said so, and Eliza too. You’re making progress even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

 

            Eyelids flew open and Kara took in the angry look in Lena’s green eyes, shining slightly with the sheen of fresh tears. There were dark circles beneath her eyes and the angles of her face were sharp, the muscles in her jaw jumping as she clenched her teeth. “That means nothing.”

 

            “Wha- of  _ course _ it does! They’re experts,” Kara said, a small laugh bubbling up.

 

            “You don’t  _ get _ it, Kara,” Lena snapped, “I’ve been here before. When I went blind, for two years I believed the doctors when they said that a … there was going to be a- a … that a  _ thing _ to fix my sight was going to happen any day. I just had to be … patient. It made it easier to think that someone was going to give me back my sight, so I didn’t have to worry. The doctor said so. For two  _ years _ I hoped and I was patient, until my mom finally had enough and told me the truth. That I was never getting my sight back. That this was my life now. So I’m sorry if for not getting my hopes up again, but I’ve been down this road before, and it only leads to disappointment and anger, so please, just … stop.”

 

            Blinking back tears, Kara reached out and cupped Lena’s cheek in her hand, until Lena turned her head away from the contact, a slight frown creasing her brow. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kara looked down at her pathetic hands held uselessly in her lap, feeling just as useless in her attempts to comfort her girlfriend, and a pained smile flitted across her lips. “It’s okay. I’ll hope for both of us.”

 

            Lena let out a harsh laugh, the sound devoid of any humour or warmth, and Kara closed her eyes for a moment. “You can’t even  _ look _ at me. What’re you hoping for? That you’ll …  _ fuck _ , what’s the word? Forgive. That you’ll be able to f _ orgive _ yourself if it all goes back to normal. My mom felt the same, and she’s never been able to stand me ever since.”

 

            Glancing up, Kara fixed her with an unwavering stare, clambering across the bed until she was nearly sitting in Lena’s lap, straddling her legs and holding her face in her hands, her touch tender but firm. Tilting her head up, Kara stared down at her with a fierce intensity in her blue eyes. “I’m  _ not _ going anywhere,” Kara firmly told her. “Not now. Not if you don’t get better. Yes, I blame myself, and it’ll never go back to the way it was before, but I  _ love _ you. I love you and I’m staying.”

 

            Letting out a shuddering sob, Lena closed her eyes, tears spilling over and sliding down her cheeks as she tried to duck her head back down. “You should go. Everyone leaves eventually.”

 

            Dropping her hands from Lena’s face, Kara wrapped her arms around her, drawing her into her embrace, cradling Lena’s head against her chest as she stayed in her lap. Resting her cheek on top of Lena’s dark hair, Kara held her tightly, closing her eyes as she gently rocked her, feeling Lena tremble slightly in her arms. “Even the sea couldn’t make me leave you behind.”

 

            The muffled sound of a choked laugh reached Kara’s ears, and Lena pulled back, her wet cheeks glistening as she looked up at Kara with doleful green eyes, full of love and pain and the shine of wet tears, and it broke Kara’s heart just a little bit. The expression on Lena’s face was so sad that it took everything she had not to burst into tears too. In Lena’s experience, everyone  _ did _ leave, or she left them, and it frightened Kara to think that she’d think the same would happen again. Despite everything - despite Kara throwing herself off a cliff to rescue her - Lena doubted her, and it stung just a little bit.

 

            “You di-didn’t fail me, Kara. You didn’t, I … promise. I know you blame yourself. You don’t … need my forgiveness. You  _ saved _ me.”

 

            Slowly exhaling, her breath a shuddering sigh as she tried to blink back her tears, Kara gave her a sad smile and gently kissed her, her lips the softest brush against Lena’s. “I’m sorry.”

 

            Shaking her head, Lena smiled, her eyes a bit unfocused as she seemed to stare straight through Kara. “It doesn’t matter. Will you help me …” she sighed, screwing her eyes shut and pressing her lips into a thin line as she tried to think.

 

            “It’s time for you physio,” Kara gently said, finishing Lena’s thought, “do you want me to go and set everything up?”

 

            With a relieved sigh, Lena nodded, and Kara climbed off her, giving her forehead a gentle kiss, before sweeping up their nearly cold tea and walking out of the room. She dumped them in the sink in the downstairs kitchen, before gathering up a collection of empty jars and paper and scissors. Upstairs, she deposited everything in the piano room, before meeting Lena in the bathroom. She’d helped her shower that morning, but for the sake of helping herself redevelop her fine motor skills, Lena brushed her teeth again with clumsy fingers gripping the toothbrush, and haltingly brushed her dark hair. Then she took her shirt off, fumbling with each tiny button, before doing them all back up, again and again. It took her a lot longer than she had the patience for, and Kara watched her frustration grow from her place leaning against the sink.

 

            When Lena tired of the task, clenching and unclenching her hands into fists in annoyance at her once dexterous fingers, now reduced to clumsy childlike movements, they moved onto her locking and unlocking the bathroom door and turning the door handle. It was easier for her to grasp and turn the handle than the nimble movements of turning the lock, which made her patience last a lot longer, before they moved into the piano room. Taking a seat on the sofa, Kara watched Lena sit cross-legged on the floor, manipulating the scissors to cut sheets of paper into confetti, before she spent half an hour unscrewing the lids of the jars and doing them back up. Lastly, she listened to Kara softly call out orders for her to touch specific fingers to her thumbs, before attempting to touch the piano keys with certain fingers. The sounds that came from the light presses of the keys were far from the beautiful chords that she used to play, but Kara hoped that working on her coordination and control of each finger might give Lena the optimism she needed to believe that she’d be back to her usual self soon enough. 

 

            It scared her to think that Lena might not be able to play the piano like she once had, knowing how much her music meant to her. It was like an extension of herself. It was more than a hobby to her, Lena viewed it as an extension of her personality. For her to have a cast on her arm was the most terrible thing to happen to her, and they weren’t sure if the damage would extend beyond that. The physio had been to help her mind as much as her physical movements, and with one arm in a cast, coupled with her blindness, they couldn’t be sure if that was impacting Lena’s ability to coordinate her hands properly. They’d know for sure in a week or so, and Kara knew that if Lena wasn’t able to play, then she’d spiral further into her wallowing and dark moods. 

 

            Knowing that she’d be stubbornly sat in front of the piano for a few hours at least, refusing to give up on her attempts to clumsily play with one hand that wasn’t quite able to function properly, Kara kissed her on the top of her head and cleaned up the pile of cut up paper and jars. Carrying everything downstairs, she tidied up around the kitchen and cleaned the rest of the house to pass the time, before she set about making lunch for them both. She’d found it best to make foods that Lena could eat without fear of spilling everywhere, made even more difficult by her lack of sight to even know if she was making a mess, so she made them sandwiches and fruit salad, making a fresh pot of tea and carrying it all upstairs on a tray. 

 

            Depositing it all on the foot of the bed, she went to the piano room to fetch Lena, hovering in the doorway for a moment as she listened to her fumble over the beginnings of a song, the sound almost familiar, but Kara was unable to piece together the disjointed notes. There was some part of Lena’s memory that wasn’t quite able to remember the notes correctly either, and Kara suspected that this was largely why she was having trouble playing properly. With her speech-language therapy and mental exercises, she hoped that Lena would recover her abilities again. Surely the world wasn’t cruel enough to take something else away from her. She knew that Lena would rather lose anything else but the ability to play music. A part of Kara wasn’t quite sure if Lena would pick her over music, because that’s how much it meant to her. She’d probably rather have the heart stolen out of her chest.

 

            “Congratulations,” Lena dryly replied, turning to stare off in Kara’s direction, her lips curled in a wry smile. “You can officially play more notes of … what’s it called? The- the song you said you could …”

 

            “Fur Elise,” Kara murmured. 

 

            “Yes,” Lena said with relief, a look of grim humour on her face. 

 

            “When you’re back to playing again, you’ll have to teach me the rest,” Kara quietly said, walking up behind her and wrapping her arms around her, her cheek resting against Lena’s unruly hair. “I made lunch for us. You should rest for a bit too.”

 

            With a sigh, Lena reached out for the fallboard and closed it over the keys, before pushing herself to her feet and walking across the open space leading to the door. Sometimes she couldn’t remember how many steps were needed for each room, the numbers she’d memories for her whole house getting lost or jumbled up in her head, and she would reach out to grasp the handle of a door three feet away, or walk straight into it, but she warily reached the door with little trouble, her hands outstretched and landing on the doorframe. Kara thought that her steps were smoother, and that she’d been making progress, but walking hadn’t been too much of an issue to begin with, so she couldn’t be quite sure. Still, Lena made it into her bedroom with no problems, and Kara managed to stop her before she sat on the bed and jostled the tray, spilling their tea everywhere.

 

            They spent the rest of the afternoon curled up in bed, listening to podcasts and going through breathing exercises to help strengthen Lena’s weakened lungs, still plagued with the effects of pneumonia. The wet, hacking cough had abated somewhat, which was something, but she was still feeling drained whenever she was on her feet for too long, which had made room for a lot of naps. By the time they’d eaten dinner later on in the evening, they found themselves wrapped up in bed again, trying to job Lena’s memories and help her string sentences together, under the guise of telling stories. Beneath the heavy blankets, feeling warm pressed up against each other as they spoke in quiet voices, it was almost easy to pretend that nothing was amiss. It was like one of a dozen nights they’d shared before that one night, except for the huffs of frustration at the words lingering on the edges of Lena’s memories and the slight pauses in conversations. Everything was almost fine.  _ Almost. _


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just ignore the chapter count btw, idk when it's ending but it's soon so it's just a heads up but isn't the definite count

            If Kara’s superstitions were to be believed, bad things always came in three’s. No matter whether she walked around drains, avoided stepping on cracks on the sidewalk, or kept on t-shirts that she clumsily put on inside out, it was inevitable that something bad would happen. She could almost feel it in the air, looming closer and closer with no foreseeable way to avoid it. All she knew was that Lena was at the centre of it, because as hard as she tried - as hard as they  _ both _ tried - things were far from the easy way they had been around each other at the beginning. 

 

            The worst was the silence. Kara found it strange that silence could be so loud, and in the large house, it was almost deafening. The sound of wondrous music drifting out of the piano room and filling the house with its sound was gone, along with Lena’s will or skill to play, and the conversations between them were stilted and quiet. Even the sea was tranquil as the stillness of spring crept in with sunshine and warm breezes. When she wasn’t inside with Lena, Kara spent most of her spare time gardening, coaxing life back into the colourless plants that had died for the winter and in desperate need of attention after a bitter winter and a rainy start to spring. For days on end, her knees were grass stained and fingernails muddy, and Lena would silently sit on the porch, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she nursed a cup of tea in trembling hands, lost in her thoughts, while Kara was similarly lost in her own.

 

            There had been a time when their thoughts had never stayed trapped inside their heads for too long, but she was having a hard time figuring out what Lena was thinking lately. The only thing that was painfully obvious was that she was suffering. She did it in silence, for the most part, and Kara would’ve preferred it if she’d just shouted and vented, but she kept it all bottled up inside until her rehab tasks got too difficult, or she messed up trying to pour cereal into a bowl with her trembling hands, and quietly started crying. It hurt to watch.

 

            It was even worse to try so hard to get nothing in response. A week after Lena had the cast on her arm removed, Kara suggested that they go for a walk to the cliff, and Lena didn’t argue so she bundled her up in way too many layers for the mild weather, and Lena didn’t protest that either, and then they set off along the beach. Their walks had used to be mostly silent, with both of them enjoying the bracing air and the fresh smell of the sea and earthy smell of damp sand, but that walk was different. Walking in silence when you knew the silence wasn’t going to be broken felt almost suffocating, and Kara was grateful for the sound of the sea to fill the silence with a blanket of white noise. She understood why Lena was quiet, knowing that her pride made it hard for her to talk in broken sentences, forgetting words and pausing at odd points, so she just opted for silence instead. If it wasn’t for her daily phonecalls with Alex and visits to Eliza’s house, Kara thought that the silence would’ve consumed her. Even the TV on wasn’t enough to dispel the uncomfortable quietness of the house. She never touched any of the CD’s though, and whenever she drove them somewhere, the radio stayed off, as if the mere sound of music would cause Lena to breakdown again. 

 

            She had hoped that the silent walk would be good for Lena, but it ended up being a waste of time. It took three times longer than usual, with Lena still recovering from her pneumonia and the occasional stumbling footstep on top of her already impeded lack of sight to give her balance problems. She clung on tightly to Kara’s arm, which was something at least. They made it all the way there, and Kara didn’t describe anything along the way, keeping quiet about the new shoots of green grass pushing up through the dirt to their left, or the budding new leaves and flowers, while birds flitted through the trees. Or how the sky was a clear shade of pale blue, with only a few wisps of clouds obstructing the view, and the sea was a deep blue and sparkling in the sunshine. She had all the shades on the tip of her tongue, but they never fell as they followed the sand dunes up to the beginnings of the cliffs, following the rocky curve of the coast, gradually growing steeper, until they reached the place where it jutted out a bit further. 

 

            The wind snatched at their hair and the waves pounded against the bottom of the cliff, and Kara shivered at the sound and the icy feeling of fear that curled in her stomach. Memories assaulted her mind and she felt breathless as she stood a few metres away from the edge, unwilling to move even a single step closer as she held on tightly to Lena. They only stayed a moment, before Lena quietly asked to leave. Kara wasn’t sure what she’d been hoping for; perhaps an opening to talk more, or for Lena to feel  _ something _ at the fact that she was standing at a place she’d loved to visit, until that dark night had changed things for her. Instead, her face was the same impassive mask, her eyes hidden behind her dark sunglasses and her lips set in a grim line. The walk back to her house was just as silent and sombre as the walk there.

 

            Kara ordered Chinese food that night, feeling to worn out to cook, and she took her time going to collect it, stopping at Eliza’s on the way for a cup of coffee and a few minutes to just get everything off her chest without burdening Lena with her problems. A part of her felt like it would be unfair for her to dump her feelings on Lena, like she would be blaming  _ her _ for them, when Kara was just frustrated at their whole situation. Eliza was patient and soothing as she tried to reassure her that she had to give Lena more time, and Kara felt better as she drove into town and picked up their order. When she got back to the house, it was quiet again, washing over her the moment she stepped back inside. The food was still good though, and Lena was in a good enough mood to share a bath with her, before they got wrapped up in bed, with Kara stretched out on her back, staring up at the dark ceiling while Lena cuddled up against her side.

 

            She woke up alone, the other side of the bed cold and empty as she instinctively reached out for Lena, her hand flopping down onto the crumpled blankets as she sleepily tried to pinpoint what had woken her up. A feeling of confusion as to why Lena wasn’t in bed crossed her mind as she blearily peered into the darkness, until the sound of a keening piano note drifted through the house. Sitting upright, Kara shoved her glasses on and pushed the covers off herself, swinging her legs out of bed, the wooden floor cold beneath her bare feet as she pushed herself up, and stumbled towards the door. The sound of the note came again, the dissonant sound carried down the hallway towards her. Stifling a yawn, she pushed the door to the piano room open, standing in the dark as she took in the silhouette of the hunched figure sitting on the padded bench. The next note was identical to the last, and the sound grated on Kara’s ears, setting her teeth on edge. It was just one note, not a chord, and Lena numbly played it over and over again. A wary look on her face, she stepped into the room, her footsteps loud enough to be heard over the fading sound of the last lingering note.

 

            “Lena?” Kara hesitantly called out. She’d heard her of course, but she hadn’t so much as moved to acknowledge her arrival. 

 

            “You should go,” Lena finally said, her voice wavering slightly as if she was trying not to cry.

 

            “What? Lena, it’s the middle of the night,” Kara spluttered, slowly blinking back her tiredness as she ran a hand through her messy hair. 

 

            Removing her hands from the keys, Lena covered them and turned slightly towards Kara, not quite looking in her direction, but giving her a glimpse of her face. Hollowed eyes were ringed by dark circles, and Lena’s face was almost ghostly in the dark as a sliver of moonlight washed her face white. 

 

            “Not to Eliza’s,” she murmured, a pained look on her face, “to National City.”

 

            They stood in silence for a few moments, before Kara frowned, a look of annoyance on her face as she fumbled for the light switch, flooding the room with warm yellow light. “What, you want me to go now too?” she asked, her voice quiet and raspy with the lingering remnants of sleep, “have I done something or-”

 

            “I’m ... too much for you. I’m taking up too much space,” Lena said, her voice low and halting as she tried not to cry. Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears, and her bottom lip trembled slightly as she faltered. “You can’t love me for all that I am, because I’m a  _ lot _ . And- and I- all I have is my music. That’s all I have. I’m … no one if I can’t play. What else do I have? If I don’t have music, then what do I have?”

 

            Eyes stinging, Kara swallowed the lump that formed in her throat, a deep ache in her chest as she gave Lena an agonising look. It hurt her to see Lena so upset. “Listen to me, you’re not  _ too much _ . You could never be too much. Not for me. You take up all the space in my heart, and that’s exactly how I want it to be. And I know … I know you’re not who you used to be - I know how much your music means to you - and I know it’s been … difficult for you. The past couple of months … that’s not who  _ we _ are. But you’re still healing, and it’s not an overnight process. Y-you just need to give it more time.”

 

            “I’ve given it time!” Lena tearfully burst out.

 

            “Just … give it  _ more _ time, please,” Kara pleaded, “don’t give up yet.”

 

            Lena let out a harsh, derisive laugh, “I gave up a long time ago, Kara. Before I even met you.”

 

            Opening and closing her mouth, Kara struggled to find something to say. It was true, of course, and she’d been struggling for a lot longer than just the past couple of months. It had been a fresh start, moving to Midvale, but Lena only saw it as an ending now. Every shred of the person she’d once been had been stripped from her, leaving her as a broken and drained person in a boring town with her losses piling up. 

 

            “Let me help you,” Kara softly said. “I’m still here.”

 

            “Yeah? For how long?” Lena snorted.

 

            Blinking rapidly, Kara’s eyebrows furrowed together as she gave Lena a puzzled look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

 

            “I don’t believe you when you say Midvale’s your home!” Lena exclaimed, a wounded look on her face as she faced Kara. “You- you’re just … stuck in the middle. You’re …” she screwed her eyes shut, gesturing vaguely with her hands as she tried to think of the word.

 

            “Indecisive,” Kara supplied, standing quietly inside the doorway.

 

            A flicker of irritation crossed Lena’s face and her eyes snapped open, her cheeks flushing red with embarrassment. “I don’t need you to finish my sentences for me! I know what I mean to say. I don’t need you to- to be my keeper. That’s  _ all _ you do! You just- you’re  _ stuck _ . It’s like you’re just … waiting for something better to come along, but you don’t want to … try. You’re scared of failing so you’re just stuck here! You don’t even write anymore. You’ve stopped telling stories.”

 

            Letting out a shuddering breath, Kara’s face crumpled slightly at the onslaught of harsh words, each one stinging as they found their mark. She wasn’t a very proud person, but what pride she  _ did _ have was wounded by Lena’s words, and her eyes stung as tears prickled. A white hot surge of anger washed through her too, and Kara had to fight back the urge to snap, barely able to keep her brimming anger contained.

 

            “Yes, I’ve stopped writing, and I’ve stopped telling stories now, and do you want to know  _ why?  _ It’s because I can’t even  _ think _ about writing without thinking about what happened to you. I can’t write when you’re all I want to write about, and  _ that’s _ the thing that got you hurt. And you don’t have your music anymore. You don’t have the thing that makes you feel whole, and I blame myself for that.”

 

            “I don’t  _ want _ you to blame yourself,” Lena snapped, her voice cracking just a little. “I was angry, okay? I was mad, and I wanted to go for a walk to … clear my head, and I was angry that  _ whole _ walk. I didn’t ask you to follow me. I didn’t ask you to save me.  _ Stop blaming yourself.” _

 

            “But how can I not?” Kara exclaimed, her voice breaking as she blinked back tears. 

 

            Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Lena gave her a strained smile, her gaze softening slightly, “because you- you saved me. If it wasn’t for you then I would’ve ... “ she let out a quiet huff of frustration, grinding her teeth together for a moment. “I would be dead.”

 

            “But you’re  _ not _ . Why are you still trying to push me away?” Kara exasperatedly asked, her frustration growing as she yearned to reach out for Lena and just hold her close. The feeling of helplessness was overwhelming and she was filled with bitter irritation at the pointless conversation. She wasn’t going to leave Lena, no matter how much she pushed her away.

 

            “Because you never asked! You never even asked me what I wanted,” Lena retaliated, her voice loud compared to the following silence. It hung heavy over them for a moment, before she sniffed, wiping at her eyes as Kara listened to the sound of her own heart beating in her chest. “You never even asked if I wanted to- to go with you. You just … assumed I’d say no. You don’t want to- to be  _ here _ . Not really. You’re just too … afraid to choose.”

 

            It was true. Kara had been too afraid to ask what would happen if she wanted to go back to National City, and she  _ had _ been lingering in the middle, unwilling to make a decision for as long as she could. She didn’t want to spend forever in a small town by the sea, with nothing to show for herself except a failed journalism career and a few boxes of belongings. She didn’t want to lose Lena either. But Lena had a life in Midvale, content with her piano and her walks along the beach, listening to the waves crash and thunder as they broke on the golden sand, calming her soul and making her feel alive all at once. Or she used to be content when she  _ had _ that. Now, she barely left the house, seeking no comfort in music or the sea. She wasn’t happy there anymore.

 

            “You have your own life, Lena. I didn’t want to ask you to give it up. Not for me,” Kara murmured.

 

            Lena gave her a bitter smile, her eyes crinkling at the corners, even as they shone with a film of tears. “But it’s not much of a life though, is it?”

 

            “Just give it more time, please,” Kara begged her, “you’ll play again. I  _ know _ you will. But even if … even if you don’t - even if it’s not the same - you can always compose music. You can write your songs and let someone else play them for you.”

 

            “No,” Lena sharply replied, “stop being so … con- conde … ugh,  _ patronising.  _ You don’t understand. If I can’t play, then I’m nothing. My music is nothing unless  _ I  _ play it, unless I … unless I … write it, and play it with my own hands.”

 

            “Music girl,” Kara softly said, falling to her knees beside the stool, taking Lena’s slim hands in her own. Each finger was thin and long, the delicate bones of her knuckles jutting out and the greenish spider webbed veins in stark contrast to her pale skin. Those hands were the keys to Lena. She let out a choked sob at the sound of the nickname, her eyelashes fluttering against her prominent cheekbones as her eyes closed.

 

            “I think … I need some time to be okay. Some time alone,” Lena softly told her.

 

            Kara recoiled slightly at the words, a flash of hurt crossing her face as she gently relinquished her hold on Lena’s hands. A sharp ache in her heart made tears spring to her eyes, and Kara let out a shuddering breath as the feeling of rejection welled up inside. She was trying  _ so _ hard, but it wasn’t enough. If either of them was taking up too much space, it was clearly her. 

 

            “Oh,” Kara softly choked out. Climbing to her feet, Kara ran a hand through her frazzled hair, tugging down the bottom of her t-shirt as she stared down at the top of Lena’s brunette hair. The other woman wouldn’t look up - wouldn’t look at her, even though she couldn’t see her anyway. It was the shame of knowing that she’d hurt Kara by pushing her away that kept her head ducked down. Still, Kara wouldn’t leave without a goodbye, so she made a show of sounding brave, even as tears wet her cheeks and her bottom lip quivered. “Can I get a kiss before I go?”

 

            Sighing, Lena slowly raised her head, a frown puckering her face, “you don’t have to go right now.”

 

            With a quiet laugh, Kara reached out to tuck a lock of hair behind Lena’s ear, a small smile curling her lip as she stared down at her. “Yeah, well, I’m probably not going to get much sleep tonight, so I may as well drive. Are you going to go back to bed?” 

 

            Lena shook her head, a guilty look swimming in her eyes, and Kara delicately traced the curve of her cheekbone with her thumb, before tilting her chin up and placing a dainty kiss on Lena’s soft lips. Straightening up, she turned around and padded back over to the door, hesitating at the sound of Lena’s voice quietly calling out behind her. 

 

            “I’m sorry, Storyteller,” Lena thickly murmured, swallowing a silent sob.

 

            “I’ll call you in the morning,” Kara whispered before vanishing out of the room. 

 

            She had a few things in a drawer Lena had set aside for her and quickly changed her sweatpants for jeans, shrugging a plaid shirt on over the t-shirt she’d slept in, before gathering up a few things and shoving them into her bag. Taking the keys to the Tesla, she stepped out into the cold night, shivering slightly and debating whether or not to put her coat on, but then she was in the enclosed interior of the car, turning it on with the push of a button and letting heat flood through the vents. It was a little after one o’clock in the morning and she blinked back the burning feeling in her eyes as she put the car into gear, flicking on blinding headlights and backing off the driveway.

 

            The drive to National City was long, and she blasted the radio the whole way there, angrily singing along as she wiped stray tears from her cheeks. At some point, she stopped off for coffee at a small gas station off the highway, sitting on the hood of the car as she drank the syrupy coffee, feeling the pleasant buzz of caffeine in her veins as she stared at the flickering neon lights of the gas station. Taking a few moments to stretch her legs, she was soon back behind the wheel, chasing the sunrise as the horizon finally started to lighten and the smaller towns finally gave way to endless suburbs and the eventual sight of skyscrapers jutting up on the skyline. When she showed up at Alex’s house, puffy, bloodshot eyes and looking uncharacteristically unkempt, her sister grumpily let her in, mumbling something vague about the time, but was otherwise silent on the matter. Kara crawled into bed next to her, arms folded across her chest as she leant back against the headboard, and sat there brooding and wallowing in her misery until Alex got up for work an hour later.

 

            She briefly napped, before showering and eating breakfast with Alex, who got the gist of the situation from Kara’s curt explanation, before she was left alone. Feeling antsy being cooped up inside Alex’s apartment, she got dressed and slipped out into the city, breathing in the familiar smells and the feeling of productivity as the whole city hummed with life. Walking to her favourite park, she bought a soft pretzel from the cart on the corner, walking through the winding paths as she took in the flashes of colour as fresh spring flowers bloomed, and sat on the edge of the fountain until she deemed it late enough to call Lena. After a brief call, where Lena assured her she was fine and was quietly apologetic but firm in her wish for a day or two of space, Kara spent a couple of hours wandering around the city, window shopping and meeting Winn for lunch.

 

            She spent that day and most of the next in National City, missing Lena dearly but feeling a little lighter as the heavy weight of their pent up feelings was lifted. One thing became very clear to her during her stay - National City was home for her. Lena had been right, of course, and Kara felt at ease as she ate pizza and watched TV with Alex, laughing and chatting for hours, as if she was trying to make up for the deafening silence of the past couple of weeks. The following morning, they met up with Sam for breakfast, with Lena’s friend expressing her concerns, and Kara grimly had no words of comfort to offer her. She couldn’t help but feel guilty about enjoying herself while Lena was alone though, and she left later on that afternoon, with her mind made up.

 

            It was late when she reached the outskirts of Midvale, headlights sweeping over the sign welcoming her to the town, and dark trees blurred into a dark wall pressing in on her from either side of the road as she followed the curving path. Streetlights cast orange halos of light over the town centre, humming neon signs marking takeaway stores, bars or all night diners, and aside from a few people enjoying a late night drink or making a pitstop for some milk at the convenience store, the streets were empty. It would’ve been easy to mistake Lena’s house for being empty as she pulled up onto the driveway, turning off the headlights and plunging herself into darkness. The moon was a sliver of silver amongst a sea of stars, and the sound of crickets and the gentle ebbing and flowing of the sea reached Kara’s ears as soon as she stepped out of the car. A gentle breeze blew the smell of flowers and clean sea air towards her, and she deeply breathed it in, feeling at home, no matter what Lena said. It wasn’t her  _ home _ , but it was  _ a _ home nonetheless, and it felt right to be there with Lena. It just so happened that being in National City with Alex and her friends also felt right. There would always be a part of her that longed for both. 

 

            At that moment, she wanted Lena though. Tired from the long drive, with burning eyes and aching limbs from being crammed into the driver’s seat, she grabbed her overnight bag out of the trunk and walked up the garden path. At that moment, the thought of a strong cup of tea, perhaps a hastily made sandwich, and curling up with Lena in bed was all that she wanted, and she eagerly mounted the steps leading to the front door. Her keys jingled as she fumbled for the one for the front door, blindly trying to slot it into the lock in the dark, and she stepped into the welcoming hallway, dropping her bag to the floor and kicking off her shoes.

 

            Shutting the door quietly behind her, just in case Lena was asleep, Kara shed her coat and tiptoed down the hallway to the kitchen. Flipping light switches as she went, she checked the kitchen and then both living rooms, to no avail, before slipping upstairs and poking her head into the bedroom, taking in the messily made bed. There were half a dozen other rooms she could’ve been in, but only one she  _ would’ve _ been in, and Kara quickly crossed the hallway to push open the door to the piano room. Switching the lights on, she froze at the sight before her, before she let out a cry of alarm and hesitantly stepped forward.

 

            Lena was kneeling in the middle of the room, her hands curled into fists in her lap as her dark hair spilled around her shoulders, hiding her face as she hunched over, her shoulders taut with tension. A sledgehammer lay abandoned a few feet away, and Kara stared at the grand piano with wide eyes. Or rather, what was left of it. The row of keys was misshapen, with gaps or bumps where Lena had attacked them, and the lacquer and wood was cracked, with the lid half hanging on by bent hinges as it was opened all the way, the lid prop snapped nearly in half from a heavy handed blow of the hammer. The piano wires inside had been cut too, a pair of wire cutters abandoned inside the body of the grand piano, and Kara stepped away from the ruined piano, looking back over at Lena. Her hands were nicked with small cuts, purpling bruises forming on her pale skin and her palms raw from where she’d been swinging the sledgehammer and cutting the wires. She must’ve been at it for hours. Kara was surprised she’d been able to cause so much destruction without seeing what she was doing, and she was wary as she walked over to her, slowly dropping down to her knees a few feet away.

 

            “Lena? You’ve ruined your piano.”

 

            With a burst of laughter, Lena gave her a wide smile, before she dissolved into tears. Sobbing, she wrapped her arms around herself, shying away from Kara’s touch when she reached out to comfort her, leaving Kara kneeling a few feet away from her, feeling wretched and heartbroken as she watched Lena fall apart. She should never have left her alone. She hadn’t thought Lena would completely lose it and go and buy a sledgehammer and wire cutters and blindly smash up her piano, but she shouldn’t have gone so far away all the same.

 

            “I’m not pushing you away because I don’t love you anymore,” Lena whispered after a few moments, letting out a shuddering sob as she knelt amongst splinters of wood, coiled piano wires and broken black and ivory keys. “It’s because I-I don’t love  _ myself _ right now, and you just- your love is overwhelming when I just … I just want to hate myself.”

 

            Kara reached for her again, and this time Lena let her, and Kara wrapped her arms safely around her, feeling the fragile warmth of the soft woman in her arms, as she buried her face in Lena’s hair. Breathing in the comforting smell of freesia and coconut body lotion, she stroked her hair and rocked her slightly in her embrace. “I don’t want you to hate yourself. I can- I can give you space, like you asked, but I can’t stop loving you, Lena. Every part of me loves you.”

 

            “I know,” Lena mumbled against the fabric of Kara’s shirt, sounding utterly miserable. She drew back slightly, her eyes glassy and bloodshot. “I just don’t want you to love  _ this _ me. I-I can’t talk to you, and I can’t touch you without my hands …” she trailed off, softly sighing and holding her hands up to show them trembling slightly by way of explaining herself. Her bottom lip wobbled as her breathing hitched. “And I can’t … play.”

 

            Taking her hands in one of her own, Kara reached out and cupped Lena’s face with her other hand, stroking her cheek and then brushing the hair out of the brunette’s face. “Listen to me,” Kara gently said, her voice strained as she tried to keep it together, her thumb skimming over the nicks on Lena’s hands as she stared at unfocused green eyes. “Your music is  _ not _ a personality trait. I know your music is everything to you, but it’s not  _ who _ you are. I love you because you’re  _ you _ . I love you for your kindness, and because you’re smart and witty. You make me laugh, okay? And I love  _ this _ you.”

 

            “But it’s not  _ enough _ . You’re not sure-”

 

            “You deserve someone who  _ is _ sure, and I  _ am _ sure,” Kara murmured, “I love you. I’ve seen the best of you and the worst of you, and, when you’re ready, I have all of my love to give you. I know that I’ve been trying too hard and you don’t- it’s not what you  _ want _ , and it’s  _ me _ that’s taking up too much space. I’m sorry if I’ve been smothering you, but it’s because I  _ have _ made up my mind. I want you, and I want National City. Let’s just … let’s get out of here. We can get an apartment in the city. A fresh start. You’re right, I don’t want to be stuck here for the rest of my life, so I’m asking you, come with me.”

 

            “It won’t change anything.”

 

            Kara gave her a tender smile, her eyes filled with love as she stared at the wary expression of uncertainty on Lena’s face. “I don’t want to change you. I just want to love you. I don’t care if you’re not Mozart, or Beethoven, or- or Chopin; you’re Lena. You’re my Music Girl, and that will never change.”

 

            Pausing for a moment, the barest hint of a smile curled Lena’s lips, and her jade eyes softened. “One con- condition; promise me you’ll be my Storyteller again.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so 40 might actually be right I think

            Things moved along quickly when Kara asked Lena to move with her. It was like Kara had been stuck in the slow meandering of time in the sleepy little seaside town, waiting for a decision to be made, and now that she had finally decided, everything happened all at once. Part of her thought that they were rushing to make it happen so that they could bask in the relief of their fresh start. It would all be different this time - for both of them. Firstly, Lena put her house up for sale, accepting the first decent offer by a family with three kids and a golden retriever. They came to see the house a month after it had been put up for sale, with its seafoam green shutters and doors, neatly cultivated garden blooming back to life as the dog excitedly chased bees. 

 

            Kara gave them a tour of the house, giving them a glimpse into the sparse rooms, and the even sparser piano room. The wreckage had been removed at Lena’s request, grimly deciding in her defeat that she was done with her music for now. It hurt Kara to see her give up, and she knew that the piano had been a gift off Lex, and she couldn’t bear the thought of it being scrapped. Instead, she had someone come and take the ruined pieces of it to a piano shop, and she cleaned up the clipped wires and splinters of wood herself. Lena didn’t mention it or playing again from that moment onwards, and Kara let her pretend that she didn’t miss it, even if it upset her to see Lena give up. She never gave up on her physical therapy though, going a few times a week, until the tremors in her hands lessened just a little, and she was able to do up buttons or unlock doors with a little less difficulty, and the gaps in her speech grew less frequent, although it was a long road away from being back to how it had been. She’d come a long way in a few short months, and it seemed like moving was just another step in that healing process, as spring flew by and summer approached.

 

            They made three trips into the city over the following weeks, checking out apartments that Alex and Sam had scouted out for them. Both of them were thrilled at the thought of them moving to National City, and the thought of how much fun it would be to have them all in the city. On the trips there, they visited different areas of the city, trying to find a place that fit. They had both become accustomed to endless forests of clean pine smelling air and the bracing briny sea swept in with the wind. They were used to peace and quiet and the gentle soothing sound of water a constant white noise on a still night, even with the windows closed. In comparison, the city was a never ending swarm of activity with cars honking, clubs playing thumping music and the smell of damp, car exhaust fumes and overflowing alleyways. Kara was worried that Lena would hate it. She hadn’t lived in the city for a few years now, and Kara was scared it would be too overwhelming for her.

 

            In the end, they found a spacious penthouse on the harbourfront, overlooking the sparkling jade water that made Kara’s expression soften the moment she saw it, her lips curling into a smile as she stared out the wall of full length windows looking out over the city. Boats bobbed on the gently rocking water, looking like toys from their height, and a stretch of sea spread out as far as she could see. It was all white walls and wooden floors, with a maze of airy rooms with high ceilings. In the emptiness of the place, Kara could envision their life. A room for all their books and one of Lena’s comfy sofas and armchairs. The large bedroom with an ensuite, and a guest bedroom as well. The open plan area that would make it easy for Lena to navigate her way from the kitchen to the living room, with space for a dining table in between. A room for a piano, for when the time came. Coming back into the open plan area, their footsteps echoing on the hardwood floor, Kara cranked open one of the windows a little, letting in the faint smell of saltwater and a cool breeze. 

 

            Wrapping her arms around Lena’s waist from behind, resting her chin on her shoulder, she smiled. “The sea looks like your eyes today,” she whispered. Lena put in an offer. 

 

            Two weeks later, their meagre collection of boxes were loaded into the back of a moving truck, along with Lena’s furniture, and was driven to their new place. They made two stops before leaving Midvale, firstly, having tea and some freshly made lemon cakes with Eliza so they could say goodbye, promising to visit soon, and then to the cliffs. Lena seemed more relaxed this time, as if the thought of leaving its looming presence behind was a weight off her shoulders, and Kara could understand it. Making their peace with the place that had brought them together, torn them into pieces and put them back together again - albeit not quite right - they climbed into the car and drove towards National City. 

 

            The winding curve of the coast flew by, and Kara spent the whole drive describing the view. The towering pines and ferns, the golden sand and blue white-capped waves, puffy clouds and a swooping eagle. When they passed through a small town on the way, they stopped off at a diner set just back from the highway, ordering the biggest stack of pancakes they could and sipping freshly squeezed orange juice as pale sunlight streamed down through the clouds. The knot inside Kara slowly unraveled itself, and she couldn’t help but stare at Lena with adoration and relief. And when Lena threaded her fingers through Kara’s when they left, and angled her chin up to give her a brief smile, she just knew that everything was going to be okay.

 

            It was early in the afternoon when they reached National City, the quiet hum of the radio accompanying them through the rolling suburbs, and Kara wondered if they’d ever move out there. Sam owned a house this far out, enjoying the quieter neighbourhood to raise Ruby in, and Kara was struck by the thought that that  _ could _ be their life one day. As they reached the beginnings of the backed up traffic merging into the city centre, she pointed out different stores and restaurants they passed by, keeping up a constant stream of chatter as they slowly drove past block after block, until they reached the harbourfront and Kara drove into the gloom of the underground parking garage. Helping Lena out of the car, she grabbed the few bags they’d brought with them and they walked over to the elevator hand in hand. 

 

            From their parking space, it was ten steps to the elevator doors, and Kara walked slowly as Lena measured out each step, smiling slightly as she patiently watched her commit the number to memory. It was a short ride up to the top floor, and Kara pressed the key into Lena’s hand, letting her fumble for the lock and slide it into place with a shaky hand, while Kara covered it with her own to steady her. They were met by the sharp smell of bleach and the staticky sound of music from a small radio, while the chatter of voices drifted down the hallway. Smiling as they walked inside, Kara slowly led Lena down the hallway, coming into the airy open space to find Alex and Sam already unpacking the kitchen boxes. 

 

            “You’re here!” Alex beamed at her, placing a stack of white plates into a cupboard and crossing over to wrap Kara in a hug. A bouquet of bright sunflowers sat on the counter with a small card from the real estate agency they’d bought through, adding a splash of colour to the mostly bare space. 

 

            “You’ve been busy,” Kara noted, glancing around at the bucket of cleaning products and the fresh lemony scent from where the cabinets, counters and stove had been scrubbed clean. She hadn’t expected them to have sorted so much out already, even though Alex had promised to come and help them settle in.

 

            The sofa from Lena’s main living room had been pushed up against one wall, while the round dining table and matching chairs had been deposited in the middle, laden with labelled boxes. The only place that had any sort of structure to it was the kitchen. There was an island counter which needed some stools, but the cupboards were waiting for the things that belonged there to be packed away. 

 

            “I was just going to get started on the bathroom,” Sam smiled, brushing her hair out of her flushed face as she pulled off a pair of yellow rubber gloves.

 

            “I can do that,” Kara volunteered, smiling as she maneuvered Lena around the pile of boxes and deposited her on the sofa with a kiss on her head.

 

            Protesting, Lena’s eyes blindly wandered around the room, as if she was trying to take everything in and get her bearings. “I want to help.”

 

            “Perfect!” Alex said, “I went shopping for you. Got the necessities - you know, milk, bread, eggs. You can make us lunch.”

 

            Rising to the challenge, Lena climbed to her feet and hesitantly wandered towards the kitchen. Watching her go, Kara stood there for a few moments, before shaking herself out of her trance and picking up the bucket of cleaning products and steal Sam’s rubber gloves. Walking down the hallway, she went into the master bedroom, with Lena’s large bed neatly placed against one wall, the mattress bare, and the rest of her bedroom furniture neatly arranged, the drawers standing empty. Slipping into the ensuite, Kara got to work scrubbing the large porcelain tub. By the time she’d finished with the tub and started on the shower, Lena had appeared in the doorway, a small smile on her face as she told her that lunch was ready.

 

            Pulling off the gloves, Kara gave her a quick kiss, before taking her hand in her own and walking back to the kitchen. More boxes had been unpacked in her absence, and a few more had been removed - by the sounds she’d heard, she assumed they were the heavy boxes of books that had been stored at Alex’s when Kara had been kicked out of Mike’s - making the place look less messier. The coffee table had been dragged over from its out of the way spot to serve as their table, and the four of them clustered around it, sitting on the hardwood floor while they tucked into the ham and cheese sandwiches Lena had made for them, splitting the chocolate chip muffins Alex had bought and sipping lemonade that had warmed slightly in the still cooling down fridge. 

 

            Sam had to leave an hour later, to pick Ruby up from school, leaving just the three of them. Lena had been saddled with the task of unpacking all of the books from the boxes in the room which didn’t have any shelves yet, but was on the agenda for things to shop for. She made neat piles on the floor, before she’d cornered herself in and had to call out for one of them to come and guide her out of her self-imposed prison. As the hours slipped by, they managed to get the apartment somewhat in order. They made their bed, and the spare bed, unpacked the decorative pillows and dragged the sofa into place, the TV unit pushed up against a wall with the coffee table in between. Kara suggested that they buy a rug to go beneath it. There weren’t many things to go by in ways of decoration - only the few photos from Kara’s packed up things she’d left with Alex - and she neatly arranged the frames on the unit, smiling at the one photo she had of her parents, one of her with Alex, Eliza and Jeremiah, and she made a mental note to get some of the photos of her and Lena off Alex to add them to frames. 

 

            By the time the sun started to set outside, turning the sky the colour of a bruise as it purpled, the wisps of clouds a dusky blue as they trailed past, they were tired from all of their hard work. Alex excused herself not long after, even though Lena invited her to stay for dinner, but Kara suspected she wanted to let them be alone in their new place for their first night. She promised she’d come by after work the following day to see if they needed a hand with anything, leaving behind her tool box and the cleaning supplies. Lena arranged their clothes in drawers while Kara moved heavy furniture around, before they decided to call it a night. They ordered Chinese food and Kara switched on a lamp, flooding the darkening apartment with yellow light as they sat down at the round table, now free of boxes, and dug into their food, while the radio hummed in the background.

 

            That first night, they laid in bed, fresh sheets silky against their skin, and Kara stared up at the dark ceiling, listening to the sounds of the city far below. The quiet sound of the bustling city drifted up through the open window, carried in on the sea breeze, and she smiled to herself as she listened to the sound of muffled car honks and traffic passing by. It occurred to her that for the first time, it felt like home. Not like home in the way living in the busy city had felt like, or how the calmness of Midvale had felt with Lena, but a  _ real _ home. One she made for herself, in a place she felt alive in - not just going through the motions in as lazy days passed by - with someone she loved and would always love. It was the content feeling of something being so  _ right _ , like Kara knew that this was the life she wanted, and the person she wanted it with, and it was a comforting thought. It was like moving had erased any doubts she had, and the only thing left for her to do now was find a job. 

 

            The next morning, blearily sitting at the table as they ate scrambled eggs on toast, takeaway cups of coffee from the nearest cafe sitting beside their plates as they hadn’t got Lena’s fancy machine all set up yet, Kara browsed the newspaper and local job sites to try and find something, while Lena was content to live off her old music money and the trust fund she’d inherited at twenty-one. She’d insisted on paying for the apartment too, which had left Kara feeling even more determined to find a job to pay her fair share of the bills, even though Lena had told her she didn’t have to rush. 

 

            “Okay, can I just … can I say something?” Lena finally interrupted her, reaching out and fumbling for the laptop screen, which she gently pushed down.

 

            Blinking in surprise, Kara set the newspaper aside, taking the pen she was chewing the end of out of her mouth and giving Lena an expectant look. “Of course. What’s up babe?”

 

            “You have to write.”

 

            “Wha- Lena, we’ve been through this. I don’t  _ want _ to, and no one would hire me anyway.”

 

            Closing her eyes, Lena let out a small sigh. “I know. I know, but we never- we never talked about it. In the end, we just … didn’t. I’m getting better at- at …  _ remembering _ now. And I have a lot to say, Storyteller, and the first thing is, the first thing I ever knew about you was you were a writer.”

 

            “That doesn’t mean it was okay for me to, you know … treat you like a story.”

 

            Lips quirking up into a small smile, Lena’s eyes opened and she gazed just past Kara, her eyes darting around slightly as if trying to pinpoint her. “I’m not saying it was,” Lena slowly said, “but I- we can go back to the way how things were before, and we can … have a fresh start. We don’t- we don’t have to give up one for the other. You just … you won’t be writing about me as much.”

 

            “I’m sorry,” Kara murmured, a feeling of guilt welling up inside.

 

            “Don’t be,” Lena said with a small smile, “I know you didn’t … mean to hurt me. I just- I was mad that you would accuse me of lying about … oh God, I feel awful. What’s his name?  _ Jack _ . Lying about Jack, while you had your own … secrets. If you'd told me, I might've let you write it anyway, because you've told me how ... different it was. I think I-I was wrong too, saying you never loved me. I was angry and I didn’t mean it, not really, but-”

 

            Reaching out, Kara gently took one of her hands in her own, a solemn look on her face as she gave it a gentle squeeze. “A lot of things happened  _ in the moment _ . I regret all of them, and I know I was wrong, and this time it’s on  _ me _ . You don’t have to apologise, and you’re allowed to be mad, for as long as it takes for you to not be mad anymore. But I don’t think I’ll be able to write until I can … not blame myself.”

 

            “I already got you a job,” Lena blurted out, a sheepish look on her face. “I could’ve- I could’ve gotten you one a while ago, and I think … I was being selfish by not doing it. I told myself that you would be too proud to take a- a job that someone else got for you. But that’s  _ me _ , because I’m … stubborn and- and vain and selfish. It’s your old job back, well, not  _ exactly _ , but it’s at CatCo. It’s … less writing.”

 

            Blinking in surprise, Kara gave her a confused look, “what do you mean?”

 

            Quietly laughing, Lena gave her a small shrug, “I know Cat Grant. Did I ever tell you that? Not like …  _ well _ , but enough. And with my family … I managed to get you an editor’s job. It’s with that man who, you know, fired you but … it’s still reporting.”

 

            Feeling conflicted, Kara gave her a pained look. “Lena,” she said with a soft sigh, “I appreciate it, really, I  _ do _ , but I can’t-”

 

            “You have to,” Lena interrupted her, “I already promised an article about what I’m doing with my … life. Should be a short one.” She gave Kara a wry smile as she spoke, before carrying on. “This time … I tell you what  _ I  _ want you to know. To write about. And  _ please _ , I’m begging you, make a good title. There was … there was one once that called me  _ Blind Beethoven.” _

 

            Choking on a laugh, Kara felt her eyes prickle with tears and she gave Lena a hesitant smile. “I don’t want you to do it for me.”

 

            “I’m not,” Lena murmured, hesitating slightly before letting out a quick laugh, “not  _ completely _ . It’s just … my music. It’s all I have - all I can  _ do _ \- and … I want to play again. One day. Not just for myself, but in- in concerts. I  _ miss _ playing, and I promised my brother- I promised Lex I’d always play. And when I _do_ , I want someone I love to write about it. To let everyone know  _ who _ my songs are about.”

 

            With a bitter smile, Lena put down her knife and fork and held up her trembling hands, “not yet. Maybe one day, but … not yet.”

 

            A sad look flashed across Kara’s face, and she picked up her coffee, taking a sip. “You’ll need a piano for that, to practice,” Kara quietly told her, feeling her heart beating quickly in her chest as Lena admitted that she still wanted to play, a warmth spreading throughout her.

 

            “If only I didn’t let my … temper get the better of me,” Lena sighed.

 

            Biting her lip to stop herself from smiling, Kara picked up her cutlery and cut up some toast, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “Well I’m not sure I can afford to buy you a new  Bösendorfer, but we’ll see what we can do when you’re ready to play again .”


	39. Chapter 39

            A few weeks were spent making themselves comfortable in their new apartment before Kara went back to work. It was mostly for Lena’s benefit that she delayed going back to CatCo, although she wouldn’t pretend that she wasn’t at least a  _ little _ bit nervous about going back and facing Snapper Carr after he’d made her pack up all of her belongings and leave. She enjoyed her time off all the same, because now she knew she had a job and she had an apartment and she was in a relationship with someone who loved her as much as she loved Lena. It was strange, thinking about how her life had come a complete circle in a year, yet had put her in a remarkably better place than she’d been in a year ago. She had everything she’d had then, but she had  _ more _ , because for everything she’d lost, she’d gained something better.

 

            They spent days wandering through the crowded streets, with Lena clinging to Kara’s arm, her chin stubbornly raised as she carefully tapped back and forth with her white cane, cutting a path through the oncoming flow of pedestrians. It had taken a bit of convincing to make Lena realise that using her cane was a bit more of a necessity in a busy city, and she’d grimly agreed after a few stumbles and grazed palms. Kara took her to all of her favourite haunts, enjoying mint chocolate chip ice cream as they walked through the park, sitting at one of the restaurants along the harbourfront, with the sun setting outside the open windows while the briny breeze blew in and they shared pitchers of iced tea and chilli mussels. She took her to the old theatre that only played black and white movies, and Lena listened with rapt attention while Kara occasionally explained what was happening, and took her to the carnival, where even if she couldn’t see the drop, Lena could feel it when her stomach dropped, or they spun around in circles in colourful teacups.

 

            A lot of their nights were spent with Alex and Sam, with James and Winn joining them some nights too, and they’d hit up a local bar and drink until one of them was brave enough to take to the small stage and choose a song on the karaoke machine. Lena would nurse a lemonade and listen, a content smile on her face while she revelled in the feeling of having friends. Kara had been pleased by how easily she’d folded into her old life, and even occasionally seeing Mike as he bartended hadn’t been bad. She’d known he’d be at the bar the first time she’d agreed to go there, and she’d warned Lena he worked there, but it had always been their local spot and it felt wrong to find somewhere new. As angry as Kara had been, she realised that she really didn’t care anymore. If anything, he’d freed her. The first time she saw him again, she introduced Lena to him, bought their drinks and walked off with a satisfied smile on her face and her girlfriend on her arm. 

 

            Her first day back at work, she rose to the sound of her alarm blaring on the nightstand, pale sunlight streaming in through the floor-to-ceiling windows where she’d forgotten to close the curtains before bed, and Kara fumbled for her glasses, yawning and stretching as she rolled over for Lena. The other side of the bed was cold and empty and Kara frowned as she blinked back sleep, getting one foot out of bed before Lena appeared in the open bedroom door with a tray in her hands. The early morning sunlight illuminated her pale skin and caught the white smile as she flashed her teeth, stepping into their bedroom and carrying the tray over to the bed with only the slightest tremble of her hands.

 

            “Morning,” Kara mumbled, nudging up her glasses to rub at her tired eyes, “you’re up early.”

 

            Lena quietly laughed, hovering near the side of the bed with the tray in her hands. “I haven’t been to bed yet,” she corrected her, the shadowy bruises beneath her eyes corroborating her words, “I wanted to make you breakfast and see you off before you left.”

 

            Smiling, Kara reached up and gently relieved her of the tray, setting it down across her lap and staring down at the omelette with glimpses of ham, tomato and spinach peeking through the creamy yellow of the eggs. Curls of steam rose from a cup of coffee and the smile on her face grew as she reached for her cutlery. Lena climbed onto the bed, slowly crawling over to the other side of the bed and climbing beneath the covers. Leaning over, Kara kissed her on the top of her head, brushing back dark curls with a gentle hand.

 

            “Thank you.”

 

            “Mm,” Lena mumbled into the pillows, and Kara left her to burrow down beneath the blankets as the sun climbed higher and higher, making the stretch of sea outside turn green as the deep blue of night mingled with the yellow rays of dawn. It looked like it was going to be a clear day.

 

            She ate her breakfast in silence, aware of the fact that Lena wasn’t asleep as she breathed evenly beside her, dark hair spilling across the pillows and hiding her face from sight. Kara was content with the silence; it no longer felt like they were bottling everything inside. It was easy again. Comfortable. After she finished draining her coffee, she lightly brushed Lena’s hair out of her face, watching as eyelashes fluttered against pale cheeks and snapped open to reveal alert green eyes. Smiling, she kissed Lena’s head again, trailing her fingers through the dark locks as she took a moment to watch her.

 

            “Thank you,” Kara whispered, before climbing out of bed, whisking the tray away and padding barefoot down the hallway.

 

            In the few short weeks since moving in, they’d transformed the spacious place into a home. The kitchen held the faint smell of mint, thyme and basil as little pots on the counters held the green herbs, Kara had bought some paintings for the walls and they’d found a rug to go beneath the coffee table. Photo frames cluttered the TV unit and the top of the cabinet that held a few of Kara’s sentimental trinkets and a neatly arranged stack of Lena’s vinyl records. A vase held the neatly arranged flowers that Kara had brought home a few days ago, the fresh smell of the peach coloured tulips mingling with the fresh air blowing in through a window Lena must’ve cracked open.

 

            Quickly washing the dishes, Kara slipped back into their bedroom and picked out a pink sundress, before padding into the bathroom and turning on the hot water, which sputtered to life, dotting her bare arms with cold water as goosebumps rippled across her skin. She took her time, trying to settle her jittery nerves at returning to CatCo, and breathed in the comforting smell of her soap as she scrubbed herself clean. Eventually she had to get out though, wrapping herself in a towel and brushing her teeth as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. 

 

            With the coming of summer, her skin had earned a healthy tan and her hair looked blonder, and after the rough few months at the start of the year, she looked remarkably better. Lena was recovering slowly, bit by bit, but she’d yet to bring up her music again, although on more than one occasion, Kara had caught the fleeting motions of her fingers dancing across imaginary keys. The holes in her vocabulary and memory were slowly closing, the edges sewing themselves back together, and the leaden tiredness from the bout of pneumonia had all but vanished from her limbs. Still, with Lena’s birthday approaching, Kara had her hopes on Lena wanting to play again. Things had worked themselves out nicely, but without the sound of Lena playing the piano, the apartment felt a little bit empty. It was the only thing missing from their home.

 

            Her hair pulled neatly back into a chignon and her dress zipped up, Kara walked back into the bedroom, letting out a quiet laugh at the spread eagled woman taking up the whole bed, fetching a pair of sandals from the closet and perching on the edge of the bed to put them on. Lena’s eyes opened as she stared up at the ceiling, and Kara reached over to run her fingers over Lena’s hand, which turned beneath her fingertips so that she could take hold of the hand.

 

            “Hey, I was thinking that maybe tonight we could talk about what you want to do for your birthday,” Kara suggested. 

 

            Shifting slightly, Lena propped herself up onto her elbows and gave Kara a slight smile, “as long as it’s with you, I don’t mind. We can order in and watch a movie or something.”

 

            “It’s your  _ birthday _ ,” Kara exasperatedly exclaimed, “we have to do something more fun than that. Do you want to go away for the weekend? We can do something you’ve always wanted to do but never have.”

 

            “What, like drive a car?” Lena snorted, and Kara laughed at the distant memory of Lena confessing that there were things she’d always wanted to do but never could. 

 

            “Sure,” Kara said with a small smile. “I’ll sort something else.”

 

            “That doesn’t sound good,” Lena yawned, covering her mouth with a hand as she squeezed her eyes shut, her nose wrinkling slightly.

 

            Leaning over, Kara kissed her slowly, her lips curling into a smile at the warm feeling of Lena’s lips beneath her own. She let out a quiet squeak of surprise as arms wound around her waist and pulled her down, laughing as she broke the kiss, laying on Lena’s chest and feeling her shake with laughter beneath her. 

 

            “You’re going to make me late on my first day,” Kara sternly told her, her eyes sparkling with amusement.

 

            “Well you’ve already been fired once before, so you can’t really make a worse impression can you?” Lena said, arching an eyebrow as she smiled. 

 

            Kissing her again, Kara pushed herself up and climbed over Lena, rising to her feet and pulling the blankets up over her. Lena nestled down in the pile of pillows, a content look on her face at the warm sunlight spilling across her face, and Kara stared down at her in wonder for a few moments, her finger idly stroking the curve of her prominent cheekbones while Lena relaxed beneath her touch. Bending down, Kara kissed her on the temple, enveloping them both in a cloud of sweet smelling perfume, her lips a gentle brush against Lena’s smooth skin.

 

            “I’ll see you later,” she whispered, “I’ll bring Chinese home with me.”

 

            Lena’s eyes fluttered closed as she smiled, freeing one arm from beneath the blankets to catch hold of Kara’s hand before she could withdraw it, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Good luck. I hope you have a good day.”

 

            Smiling, Kara gave her hand a squeeze in return, before stepping away from the bed, crossing over to one of the windows and cracking it open a bit to let a flow of cool air into the room so Lena wasn’t hot in the stuffy room as she slept. Gathering up the rest of her belongings, Kara grabbed a thin cardigan as a precaution and made sure she had her favourite pen off Lena tucked safely in her bag, before pausing in the doorway to look at the lump beneath the blankets.

 

            “Sweet dreams. I love you.”

 

            “I love you too.”

 

\---

 

            Falling back into the routine of her old life, Kara was swept back into work, adjusting to her new duties as an editor with ease. Weeks passed by in a flurry of articles, her days busy with work and her nights lazily spent enjoying the summer. She’d walk along the harbourfront with Lena, sitting on the seawall and dangling their legs over the side, a foot above the water as they enjoyed the sunset and the sound of boats coming and going, eating fruity sorbet from a nearby store. She took them to the art galleries and museums, making up stories about the paintings and statues for Lena as she described them to her. She made up stories about everything. They passed by a woman with three kids and Kara would invent a life for her, or the accordion player in the subway, or the tattooed group of girls with colourful hair. She made up stories about everything and anything, making Lena laugh as she guided her through crowds of people, coming up with ridiculous scenarios or describing what she saw. It was at night when she told the real stories - the ones about herself - when it was pitch black outside and the city was a quiet hum in the background, telling Lena the snippets of memories of her life with her parents, and the years that came afterwards with the Danvers.

 

            Lena spent nearly everyday walking about the city, always having an exciting story to tell Kara when her girlfriend got home from work. She found old bookstores nestled in between coffee shops and boutiques, or secret patches of trees and flowers amongst towering office buildings, a favourite street performer playing the violin on the same corner every Friday at two o’clock, and a public upright piano waiting for a passerby to play it. She took Kara there one evening, after they’d enjoyed pasta at an Italian restaurant a block away, playing through  _ Fur Elise _ with only a few mistakes and halting notes. It made Kara happy to see her enjoying new things, instead of moving through the sluggish life of staying locked in her house. She didn’t have her music to occupy her, but at least she was discovering new things.

 

            On weekends they would go back to Midvale. With the hot weather, and the beach within easy reach, they made the drive up to Midvale nearly every weekend, venturing out onto the hot sand, and eventually out into the shallow water to dip their feet into the cool sea. It was easier that way, to move past that night in small doses. Kara would bring a book and lay her head in Lena’s lap, her face shaded by the shadow Lena’s floppy hat cast over her as they spread out on a towel, burrowing their feet into the warm sand as Kara read out the poems that she squinted at on the pages. It was with Lena’s gentle prodding that she took to writing poetry, after they’d spent a lazy afternoon on the beach, the sun setting around them and the warmth fading from the air. Despite her assurances that it was okay, Kara still hadn’t been able to find the enthusiasm for writing anything fictional again, and so Lena pushed her towards poetry instead. She tried not to laugh as she told Kara that she wanted to be the one she wrote about, making jokes about her vain arrogance, and insisting that Kara not give up, even if she had to try something different. And why not poetry when she loved it so much? Afterwards they’d made peach cobbler in Eliza’s kitchen and Kara had turned the idea over in her mind.

 

            It was the middle of summer when Lena’s birthday arrived, over a year after they’d first met in Midvale. It was the first one they were celebrating together, Kara having been unaware of her one the year before as they had just been getting to know each other at the time, and she woke Lena up early that morning with a bouquet of fresh tulips and a cup of tea. She’d been brimming with excitement the whole day before, barely able to control herself as she thought about giving Lena her gift. Kara was glad that it fell on a birthday that year, so they had the whole day to spend together, and she’d made a few arrangements to try and do something fun for Lena, but she was mostly excited about the gift.

 

            “First things first,” Kara said, depositing a few bags of clothes in Lena’s lap as soon as she finished her loud round of  _ happy birthday  _ and shuffling closer on the bed to watch as Lena blearily set her cup of tea down beside the bouquet of tulips and reached into the nearest bag her hands fell on.

 

            She pulled out a dark green dress, and Kara described it to her, assuring her that it was a nice colour and would make her eyes look nice. It had taken some convincing, but Kara had reasoned with her at the start of summer about wearing black in the sweltering hot weather, and Lena had slowly incorporated a few more neutral shades into her wardrobe. Lena trusted Kara not to secretly put her in anything awful, and she smiled brightly at the new clothes. There was a new pair of dark designer sunglasses to replace the ones that Lena currently had, which were looking a little worn and scratched from a couple of years of use, and a few braille books that Lena had said she’d always wanted to read. Those had taken some hunting to track down, and had been quite costly to purchase, but Kara didn’t quite count the main gift as entirely her own doing, and had forked out the cash for them in the hopes that Lena’s waiting to read them would be rewarded. 

 

            “Thank you,” Lena beamed at her, the new sunglasses hiding her eyes behind dark lenses as she reached out for Kara. 

 

            Pushing the glasses up so she could see the way her eyes crinkled at the corners, Kara smiled at her, grabbing her face in her hands and giving her a rough kiss as she pushed her down against the pillows. Fingers encircling Lena’s wrists, Kara pinned her down and peppered her face and neck with kisses as Lena squirmed and laughed at the ticklish feeling of Kara’s lips on her skin, until they were both breathlessly laughing and Kara had her wrapped tightly in her arms and cradled against her chest.

 

            “Hey, I have another gift for you,” Kara quietly whispered, her warm breath fanning out across Lena’s cheek as the other woman stirred in her arms. 

 

            “Mm? What is it?” 

 

            “You’ll have to wait until tonight.”

 

            “Tonight? So now I have to wait  _ all day _ to find out?” Lena heavily sighed, her lips twitching slightly as she smiled.

 

            Kissing her on the top of her head, Kara gave her a squeeze, “well it’s going to be a busy day, so yes, you have to wait. Hopefully it’s worth it. Now, come on, drink your tea. I’ll run us a bath and then we’re meeting Alex and Sam for breakfast.”

 

            Lena obediently sat up and reached for her tea, while Kara climbed out of bed and went towards the bathroom. Running the hot water, she added soap to the bath and watched as it started to foam, and went to pick out their clothes. Rifling through the closet, she picked out shorts and a t-shirt for herself, and called out the options for Lena, with the decision being a pair of short overalls and a t-shirt. When the bath was full enough, they both climbed in and Kara washed Lena’s hair for her, teasing her with little hints about what they were going to be doing all day. No matter how much Lena complained, trying to wheedle the truth out of Kara, she never got a straight answer, and she suspiciously let Kara lead her to the car half an hour later. 

 

            Breakfast was enjoyable, with a stack of pancakes each while Alex and Sam gifted Lena with a few new vinyls for her collection and a bottle of perfume. They lingered for a couple of hours, chatting over their coffees, until Kara apologetically declared that it was time to go. She’d placed an order for lunches for them, complete with snacks and drinks, and with hugs for Alex and Sam, they were slipping back into the cool interior of the car. Pulling out into traffic, they drove through the city, the sky a clear blue and their windows rolled down to let in the warm breeze.

 

            She drove them away from the city, out past the neighbourhoods and up into the foothills surrounding the city. It was vastly different to the forests surrounding Midvale, but it was a welcome change to the jungle of metal and glass office buildings and the loud noises of the city. Trees and shrubbery climbed up the slopes, while Kara guided them through the twisting roads, higher and higher, until they reached a sparkling blue lake nestled in a dip between two valleys. It was crystal clear and surrounded by so much green that the air smelled fresh and earthy. Grabbing their food and a plaid blanket from the trunk, she led Lena over to the dusty ground at the edge of the lake and they settled down for a picnic. Kara brought a camera, snapping dozens of photos of Lena and the scenery, while a little wireless radio she’d brought played soothing, if a little staticky, music. They spent a few hours enjoying the warmth of the sun as they basked in it, stretched out on the blankets eating fresh strawberries and drinking lemonade. At one point they even braved the chill of the water, wading up to their knees and disturbing the surface with radiating ripples, enjoying the feeling of the muddy bottom beneath their feet. She even managed to get Lena behind the wheel of the car, which was idling in park, and climbed into the passengers seat, her hands on the wheel as she guided Lena through gently driving in a straight line. Her hands nervously gripped the steering wheel as Lena floored it, laughing at Kara's cry of panic. They managed to avoid hitting trees, and Lena gave her a brilliant smile at the fact that she'd managed to drive a car, even if only for a moment in an empty dirt parking lot up in the hills.

 

            By the time they made it back to the city, the sky was a rosy pink and warm yellow as the sun started to set. With just enough time to wash of the dust and the dank smell of the lakewater, they both changed into thin summer dresses and made it to their reservations at a fancy restaurant right on time. Sitting by an open window with a view of the sea, they enjoyed a nice meal and split cheesecake for dessert, with a candle placed on the slice when it was brought out. Lena blushed as Kara, the waiters and a few other customers sang  _ happy birthday _ , and Kara kissed her with a dopey smile on her face.

 

            Afterwards, they walked home along the harbourfront, light and noise spilling out of a dozen restaurants along the way while the gentle, hushed sounds of water lapping against the wall below accompanied them. Feeling sleepy after so much sunlight and the muggy heat of the day, they sluggishly made their way up to the penthouse, and Kara stopped Lena from going to get changed out of her dress in favour of giving her the last gift. She led her down the opposite hallway to the one leading to their bedroom and pushed open the door to a room they hadn’t used since moving in. It had been standing empty, waiting patiently to be used.

 

            Kara let out a loud laugh as she opened the door to find the room nearly bursting with colourful balloons, some drifting along the floor at the gust of air from the door opening, while others lazily bounced against the ceiling on long pieces of string. 

 

            “What?” Lena asked, her sunglasses pushed up onto her head and her eyebrows raised expectantly as she half-turned to Kara.

 

            “It looks like Alex had fun while she waited here,” Kara said, amusement colouring her voice as she thought about her sister passing the time blowing up balloons until the delivery had arrived. “She filled the room with balloons.”

 

            Lena let out a loud laugh, cautiously stepping forward and knocking back a few balloons as she waded through them. She cautiously held her hands out, brushing strings aside as she walked through the room, until her hand landed on the lacquered wood. Hand gliding along it, she followed the smooth varnish up the steady incline, reaching out with her other hand to find the lowered fallboard. Kara followed her through the tangle of balloons, a look of nervous excitement on her face as she watched the realisation dawn on Lena’s face.

 

            “A piano?” Lena quietly said, her expression softening as she kept her hands on the wooden structure filling the middle of the room.

 

_             “Your _ piano,” Kara said, her eyes crinkling at the corner as she smiled.

 

            “Wha-”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Kara walked over to her and wrapped her arms around her waist, “do you  _ know _ how much a Bosendorfer costs?”

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Lena shrugged, “a quarter of a million.”

 

            “Yes!” Kara exclaimed, “I mean, I didn’t  _ know _ that before you smashed it up, but I know it has sentimental value because your brother got it for you, so I wanted to get it fixed. But anyway, you don’t just throw that kind of money away, so I got it fixed for you.”

 

            “How did you-” Lena cut herself off, biting her lip before a sheepish smile graced her face as she looked over her shoulder.

 

            “Afford it?” Kara laughed, giving her a quick squeeze. A troubled look crossed her face for a moment, “your mom gave me a cheque to pay for my medical bills. And obscene amount of money, really. Well, I didn’t deposit it,  _ obviously _ , but then, well, you smashed your piano. So I  _ did _ deposit it. I think we’ve established that I have less pride than you, and I wanted you to have the best, and I know that I wouldn’t have been able to give you that so ...”

 

            Lena turned around in her embrace, a soft look on her face as she smiled, and she reached up to cup Kara’s face in her hands. “I love you,” she murmured, a look of awe in her eyes, even as they swam with tears, “I was … impulsive, I know that, and I’m glad you fixed it for me. It’s all I have left off of him and I- it means a lot. It means even more because  _ you _ did it. The thought of it means more to me than anything. Thank you, Storyteller.”

 

            Hugging her close, Kara smiled, feeling relieved and happy inside. “Happy birthday, Music Girl.”

 

            Extracting herself from Kara’s embrace, Lena gave her a coy smile, her eyes darting around excitedly as she fumbled behind her for the fallboard. Turning away, she pushed the wooden cover up to reveal the brand new black and white keys and delicately ran her fingers over them, pressing down hard on one of them to fill the room with the deep resonating sound of the note. She rounded the cushioned bench and lowered herself down onto it, patting the space beside her for Kara to join her. Sitting side by side, Lena turned to look at her, giving her a bright smile as she placed her hands over the keys with the practiced ease of someone who’d done it a million times, yet with the tender nervousness of someone who hadn’t done it for a long time. Her smile was beautiful, tugging at Kara’s heartstrings, and tears sprung to her eyes as Lena started to play, the song slow and lilting, and whether that was because she was still a little clumsy and didn’t want to ruin it or because it was supposed to be that way, Kara didn’t know. All she knew was that it was pure bliss to listen as the sweet notes echoed around her, racing through the apartment and filling it with noise and life, and she couldn’t help but cry the moment that she played the first note, watching as Lena hunched over the keys in a way that was so familiar and so  _ right _ .

 

            The last few notes lingered as Lena finally finished playing, looking proud and relieved as the song came to a close. She’d only made a few mistakes, only stumbled a few times, and her hands were shaking now, but they were shaking from the adrenaline that coursed through her at the fact that she  _ played _ . This was who she was, and when she turned to smile at Kara, her eyes shone with a brightness that had been missing from them for months. She looked so happy, as if she’d finally been liberated from the long suffering without her music, that Kara got all choked up at the rush of love and relief that swept through her as she grabbed Lena’s face in her hands and roughly kissed her. 

 

            When she finally pulled back, Lena let out a delighted laugh, the sound carefree and lighthearted, and she delicately wiped the tears from Kara’s wet cheeks, even as her own eyes shone with unshed ones. “I’ve had this one stuck in my head for the  _ longest _ time.”


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter is finally here! thank you for reading it, I really appreciate it more than you know :)

            The next year was busy, with Kara back to her full time work at the newspaper and Lena finally fully recovering from the accident. It had been a long road, but finally the tremors in her hands stopped, and Kara would wake sometimes during the night to hear the muted sound of a piano drifting through the apartment. She’d climb out of bed and open the door a crack, before going back to sleep to the sweet sound of the soft music, feeling like everything was right in the world. Her own work was coming along well too, and she had her pick of stories to include in CatCo’s magazine, and after nearly a year of hard work, she’d been given leave to travel. 

 

            It wasn’t a vacation, as per se, but around about October, Lena had declared that she wanted to perform again, that she wanted to play for thousands of people all around the world, and Kara had agreed in a heartbeat, supporting her wholeheartedly. And Lena came through on her end of the bargain with Cat Grant and was giving CatCo the exclusive on the entire thing, which meant that Kara would finally put everything about Lena into words. 

 

            They left in January, just after the new year, and after Lena’s first performance in National City. Kara had been sitting front row with Alex, Sam, James, Winn and Eliza. Afterwards, she met Lena with a bouquet of white lilies, the same kind Lex used to bring her after every show. It didn’t seem right to let the tradition stop, not when Kara knew he was one of the reasons why Lena had taken to the stage again, fulfilling her promise that she’d never stop playing.

 

            After they’d finished their tour of the states, visiting a dozen cities, including Metropolis, where Kara was surprised to see Lillian sitting front row to watch her daughter play, they went to Canada. Then onwards to Australia and Asia, and then to Europe, where Lena played sold out performances in London, Paris, Prague, Athens, Zurich and a dozen other cities in a dozen other countries. Everywhere they went, they took the time to see the city, and Kara would describe all of the old buildings as they wandered foreign streets. They tried the local cuisine and danced at street festivals, went sightseeing - more for Kara’s benefit than Lena’s - and at each stop, Lena would play and Kara would sit there in the front row, a teary smile on her face as she listened to the sound of the music. No matter how many times she watched her play, it always made her heart swell with love, happiness and pride, knowing all the hardships it had taken for Lena to find herself back up on the stage.

 

            The last stop was the Netherlands, for Lena’s final show in Amsterdam, before they returned to National City. It had been the best few months of Kara’s life, seeing so many things and watching Lena do what she loved in front of so many people, and she was a little upset that tonight was the last show. Lena had been so happy the entire time, her laughs easier and as outspoken as ever whenever she had an opinion, and Kara cherished the sight of seeing her so carefree. It would be nice to go home and see their family and friends though, and Lena had announced that she was excited to sleep in their own bed again. Still, they had two more nights left of their trip, and Kara wanted to make the most of it.

 

            Early that morning, she’d woken Lena up and told her to get ready, watching as she’d picked out a red t-shirt and a pair of short overalls, and had bit back an excited smile. They’d driven the rental car out of Amsterdam, taking the thirty minute trip to the Keukenhof, where she’d surprised Lena with a trip to the tulip fields. It had been nearly two years ago when Lena had confided in her her frustration about not being able to drive a car or see the tulips in Holland, and while she couldn’t  _ see _ them, the sweet smell of the flowers was strong enough for her to enjoy it. Kara had shyly reminded her as they reached the first row of flowerbeds, and Lena had let out a delighted laugh, her face lighting up as she reached out and felt for Kara’s face, giving her a hard kiss and thanking her.

 

            They’d set off through the tulip fields hand in hand, and Kara had described the sight of so many flowers racing off into the distance as they walked. There were other visitors enjoying the stunning sight of so many flowers, all carefully cultivated through the winter and spring, and they took their time strolling through the narrow dirt paths, the blue sky clear of any clouds as they wandered through the gardens. There were other flowers too, and shadowy patches where trees stood tall, their canopy of fresh green leaves offering some escape from the sun. They enjoyed a packed lunch in the shade of a tree with white flowers in its boughs, the warm wind caressing their skin as they breathed in the fresh smell of so much greenery. They walked for hours, seeing windmills breaking the endless flat of the tulip fields, and intricately shaped flowerbeds with rings of different coloured flowers, and Kara described everything. 

 

            They’d taken back to the flat stretch of tulips in the end though, wandering through them as they basked in the warmth of the sun. Kara had accumulated a nice tan over the course of the holiday, whereas Lena spent most of the time with a cap and sunglasses shading her face and a healthy covering of sunscreen to make sure she didn’t burn. To pass the time, Kara started regaling Lena with poetry as they walked, picking odd, funny ones to make Lena laugh as they walked. 

 

“Maggie and Milly and Molly and May    
went down to the beach (to play one day)   
  
and Maggie discovered a shell that sang    
so sweetly she couldn’t remember her troubles, and   
  
Milly befriended a stranded star   
whose rays five languid fingers were;   
  
and Molly was chased by a horrible thing    
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles: and   
  
May came home with a smooth round stone    
as small as a world and as large as alone.   
  
For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)    
it’s always ourselves we find in the sea.”

 

            Lena let out a laugh as Kara came to the end of the poem, turning around to raise her eyebrows in a look that let her know she found the poem less than inspiring. “What was  _ that?” _

 

_             “That _ is a poem by one of the most famous poets,” Kara told her with a triumphant look on her face, “E. E. Cummings.”

 

            “It’s a load of nonsense,” Lena scoffed.

 

            “No it’s not,” Kara protested, a slight smile on her lips as she watched Lena stroll ahead of her, her feet confident beneath her as she followed the narrow dirt trodden path. “It’s true - for us at least.”

 

            “Oh yeah? How so?”

 

            “For whatever we lose, like a you or a me, it’s always ourselves that we find in the sea,” Kara quoted, a laugh in her voice as she lunged for Lena’s hand and threaded their fingers together. Quickly kissing her on the cheek, Kara laughed. “I lost you and then I found myself in the sea. And then I found you again.”

 

            A smile curling her lips, Lena shrugged indifferently, “touche.”

 

            Rolling her  eyes, Kara laughed, raising their joined hands to brush Lena’s hair out of her face and place a kiss on her cheek. They carried on strolling along the path, and Kara breathed in deeply, a content look on her face at the sweet and spicy smell mingling in the fresh air. A warm breeze ruffled the skirt of the yellow dress she was wearing, and she cast her gaze around her, taking in the endless stretch of flowers. It was April and the colourful sea of tulips were in full bloom at the Keukenhof as they walked between neat rows of the red flowers.

 

            “Do you think the different colours smell different?” Lena blurted out as they walked.

 

            Kara tilted her head to the side, a thoughtful look on her face as she stared at the perfect blossoms. “I don’t know. A lot of them don’t smell at all, but some are sweet and some are spicy.”

 

            “What, did you read the Wikipedia page?” Lena laughed.

 

            Gently bumping her with her shoulder, Kara laughed, “I did my research before bringing you here. I wanted to make sure that you’d actually be able to enjoy it.”

 

            “Thank you.”

 

            “You’re welcome,” Kara murmured, giving her hand a quick squeeze before letting it go, “now how about you go and tell me if you can tell the difference.”

 

            Shaking her head as she laughed, Lena crouched down beside the flowers and reached out to gently cup a red tulip in her slender hands. It matched the colour of her t-shirt perfectly. Bending down, she breathed in the smell of it and cocked her head to the side, before looking up at Kara. 

 

            “What colour is this one?”

 

            “Red.”

 

            “Let’s go and find some more and I’ll let you know.”

 

            Silently obeying, Kara took hold of her hand again and led them to the end of the row. They walked past a few more shades, and Lena would stop and breathe in the scent of them all, trying to guess the colour, and everytime Kara would let out a small laugh, growing more and more amused as Lena grew frustrated at all of her wrong guesses. Watching her run off to the next patch, calling a warning after her for her to be careful, Kara heard her phone vibrating in her bag and fished it out, smiling at the sight of her sister’s name on the screen.

 

            “Alex! Hi!”

 

_             “Have you done it yet?” _

 

            Kara let out a shy laugh, wrinkling her nose slightly as she smiled, “no, not yet. Her last show’s tonight, so I’m going to do it tomorrow.”

 

_             “Why not tonight?” _ Alex asked, sounding confused.

 

            “Because it’s  _ her _ night,” Kara said, smiling softly to herself as she watched Lena carefully pass between two rows of flowers and drop down to her knees. “I don’t want to take away from that by asking her tonight. I can wait another day. Besides, I have this whole plan.”

 

            She heard her sister let out a snort of laughter, and could hear the amusement in her voice when she replied.  _ “She’s going to say yes either way.” _

 

            “I hope so,” Kara nervously replied, feeling her stomach lurch at the thought of Lena saying no. 

 

            Alex let out a withering sigh on the other end of the phone,  _ “you dragged her out of the sea. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.” _

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Kara shook her head slightly, and then realised that Lena was standing again, looking around with a confused look on her face as she called out for Kara. “Hey, I have to go. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

 

_             “Good luck.” _

 

            “Thanks,” Kara gratefully said, smiling as she hung up the phone and quickly jogged over to Lena, a smile curling her lips at the sight of her.

 

            “I’m  _ sure _ I’ve got this one right!” Lena proudly declared, a hopeful look on her face as she beamed at Kara. “It’s yellow, right?  _ Please _ tell me it’s yellow.”

 

            Looking down at the orange tulips on one side and the purple ones on the other, Kara swallowed a laugh, trying to bite back a smile as she looked back up at Lena. Eyebrows raised expectantly, Lena was smiling gingerly at her, an optimistic look on her face. She was so sure that she was right that it made Kara feel all warm inside as she gave her a loving look, and she didn’t have the heart to tell her that she was wrong again. Instead, she cupped Lena’s face in her hands and gave her a quick kiss.

 

            “It’s as yellow as the coat you were wearing when I met you, Music Girl,” Kara lied, a tender look on her face as she smiled.

 

            Letting out a triumphant shout, Lena threw her head back and put her hands up in the air, a victorious look on her face as she smiled brightly. Laughing, Kara wrapped her in a hug and held her close, burying her face in her shoulder and letting out a sigh of content as Lena’s arms wrapped around her. She could feel her shaking with laughter beneath her touch, and Kara gave her a tight squeeze.

 

            “I love you.”

 

            “I love you too, Storyteller.”

 

\---

 

            That night, Kara sat front row again for the final show, tearing up as she watched Lena take to the stage and sit down before the grand piano, a soft smile on her face as she stared blindly out at the sea of faces. At the first note of the first piece Lena had ever composed for her, all those months ago, Kara had to wipe at her eyes, filled with pride as she sat amongst the crowd of spellbound people, all hanging onto every note that Lena played. She sat straight in her seat, but her head was bowed in a way that was so familiar to Kara that she could see it with her eyes closed, pale fingers flying across the keys without hesitation, so sure of themselves that it made Kara smile. It was a sight she loved more than anything.

 

            Letting out a small sigh of satisfaction, Kara relaxed into the plush velvet seat she sitting in, thinking about how perfect everything was. When they got back to National City, she was going to finalise her piece about the Music Girl she met in Midvale, and tell Lena’s story in a way that Lena wanted her to, sharing the woman she loved with the rest of the world. She was going to write about every bit of her that she loved, and finally put into words all the things that she’d ever wanted to say. She’d say them all tomorrow too, at sunset on the canals in Amsterdam, when they went on a gondola ride through the narrow waterways winding between rows of townhouses and beneath old bridges, when Kara was planning on asking Lena to marry her.

 

            For tonight though, she listened to the music fill the hall, thinking back to when she’d sit on the beach for hours and listen to the melodies drift down to the her from the dark house hidden amongst the trees, and she glowed with pride at where she was now, sitting in a sold out concert hall watching Lena perform for thousands of people. She’d started out as an unemployed writer, with too many stories to tell and no one to listen to them, stumbling upon a reclusive pianist on the edge of a cliff with too many songs to play and no one to listen to them. Now she was an editor at a popular magazine, writing stories about a world class pianist selling out her world tour. 

 

            Kara couldn’t help but smile to herself as she held her hands to her heart, feeling the music with every inch of her, listening to the swell of the melody, just like she always had when no one else had been listening. No matter who Lena played for, it was Kara she was playing her music for, because Kara had listened to them when no one else had, and no matter how many people read Kara’s articles, it was always Lena she read them aloud to as she was writing them, because she’d listened to her stories when no one else had. 

 

            In the end, it always came down to a Storyteller and a Music Girl.


End file.
